A few weeks ago, Riese let it be known in a message to the editors that she had recently acquired apple cider flavored Chapstick.
This announcement stirred something deep within me. Something I have not been able to shake for weeks.
I never knew such a delicious and exquisite sounding flavor of chapstick even existed. I consider myself to be someone who stays pretty up on their chapstick game, but this opened up a whole new world of possibilities. What amazing flavor sensations had I been missing out on all along? I began to consider and research feverishly. I needed all the best flavor combinations.
This gave me an idea.
Hear me out on this one.
I think I have something you can do that will be fun, tasty and get you hella made out with. I have your full attention now, right?
You know how Jelly Belly makes those cute little recipes where you can mix different jelly bean flavors together and make new intricate jelly bean delicacies?
As a kid, I was partial to “lemon lime + toasted marshmallow = key lime pie.”
Ok, so what if you do that same general idea BUT WITH CHAPSTICK AND ANOTHER PERSON’S MOUTH.
Yeah, I’m talking putting one flavor of chapstick on your lips and another flavor of chapstick on the lips of the person you intend to make out with and then mixin’ that stuff together with your faces to make a new flavor that you can both taste. It’s all of the innocence of the Jelly Belly recipes meets all the reasons to put your lips on someone else’s lips.
Oh y’all, it will either be terrible or great beyond your wildest dreams. Either way I think we have to do it. Collectively. We need to try this. I think it will be great. And come on, you’ll surely be a date night hero when you suggest to your special friend that you wanna do a little experimental “cooking” and make out with their face. Plus you can increase your chapstick and lip balm collection, and we know you love you some chapstick. You’re probably making your own chapstick as you read this, I bet.
So come along with me on this sexy science fair project, my chapstick lesbians! My lip glossy posse. My lipstick clique. Let’s do this!
I have taken the liberty of creating some recipes to get you started:
Strawberry + Cake Batter = Strawberry Shortcake Kiss
D’aww. Try mixing Strawberry and Cake Batter for a strawberry shawtcake with your shawty.
Watermelon + Mint = Watermelon Mojito Kiss
Remember Lip Smackers? Want to update that childhood memory by making it taste like a delicious alcoholic beverage that you made by smashing your face into someone else’s face? Yeah, I think you do.
Chocolate + Vanilla = Swirl, Swirl Kiss
I’m also dubbing this classic flavor combination the “Piper and Sue,” in honor of your favorite original song from Orange is the New Black. Chocolate and Vanilla. Swirl, swirl. Bonus points: HURRAW! uses “premium organic, vegan, and raw ingredients!” How extra sweet is that?
Apple Cider + Honey = Rosh Hashanah Kiss
I’m so certain the aforementioned Apple Cider Chapstick will pair well with Burt’s Bees Honey Lip Balm. Save this kiss to celebrate the Jewish new year! After you make you delicious honey cake and want to make out with your honey pie.
Peppermint Candy Cane + White Hot Cocoa = Peppermint White Hot Cocoa Kiss
Oh now we’re getting really delicious. You’ll be extra impressive when you suggest this kiss thanks to the fact that these are limited edition Chapstick products. Limited edition, y’all. Please be that queer with the limited edition Chapstick collection. This Peppermint Candy Cane plus White Hot Cocoa makes for a rare and seasonable combination.
Mint + Chocolate = Thin Mint Kiss
Girl Scouts are badass. I remember when I was little I really wanted to be the girl on the box of Thin Mints. I wonder where she is now. What’s her life like? Anyways, just like everyone knows Thin Mints are better frozen, I bet this kiss is extra nice with cold lips. Just add ice?
Cherry + Coke = Cherry Coke Kiss
Girls love Baby Lips Cherry Me. Girls love Coke. Win win. If you’re so inclined you’d probably enjoy eating peanuts after this one. No? just me? Ok.
Carmex + Sweet Vanilla Fig Lip Balm = Sharmen Kiss
I just had to do a kiss in honor of Shane and Carmen. Carmen sounds like Carmex. And Shane likes those sweet little figs, you know? Now I know you’re probably thinking, “Lauren that sounds awful.” Well yeah. It would taste bitter and awful if you got left at the altar wouldn’t it? I mean, I don’t know, I bet this might actually taste pretty good! Carmex is my jam.
Well, have fun trying them out! Chapstick and lip balm do make for lovely stocking stuffers, so maybe you can have play this game under the mistletoe. And for the love of all that is right and holy in the world, please report back on your findings. Guys please.
Feature Image via ourbeautyandfashionlife.blogspot.com
Ohmygod “the piper and sue.” I just died laughing.
This is the best.
“Carmex + Sweet Vanilla Fig Lip Balm.”
Well I’m single so instead I will just eat a whole box of thin mints and call it a day, I hope everyone is okay with that.
This article is effing adorable, though.
You. You’re a problem solver. I think I’ll join you!
always a great idea. i support you.
can I join the mint thin eating party? We don’t have those over here but we have after eights, which are practically the same thing!
I would like to try all of these.
For scientific purposes.
If you do I was serious about the reporting back! The people have a right to know :)
I am going to tell my girlfriend that she has to try these with me for IMPORTANT science. I
I have half of these chapsticks, I just need to find someone to try this out on
IT’LL BE LIKE CINDERELLA. YOUR PERFECT PERSON WILL HAVE THE OTHER HALF OF THESE CHAPSTICKS AND THAT’S HOW YOU’LL KNNNOOOOWWWW.
This is the most beautiful thing
I need to put out an ad immediately.
Wanted: Girl who has a decent chapstick collection, containing at least Apple Cider, Vanilla, Coke, Honey, and Mint flavors, for scientific purposes. Cute is a bonus
This is seriously what I was thinking! I saw my Burt’s Bees Honey chapstick and thought, “oh well, now I need someone with apple cider… hmm” *shades eyes*
I second the hysterical laughing.
I need to try the Thin Mint one! This is an amazing idea.
This is excellent and the Rosh Hashanah made my enjoyment already bigger.
Kiss My Face Organic Cranberry Orange Lip Balm + some kind of Lime lip balm – Cosmopolitan Kiss?
I’m a fan of this idea already. I just need to convince the partner to buy MORE lip balm…probably not too difficult. :D
Ooo good one! Investigating this cranberry orange situation immediately.
Well my gf’s favorite way of putting on Chapstick is to wait till I have just put some on and then kiss me- instant transfer! Not so good for making flavor combos tho :(
I think I need to get her some yummy flavors as a Christmas surprise. Thanks for the genius idea!!
There actually is Thin Mint flavored lip balm which makes my life so happy. Until I find someone to kiss and, you know, try all the endless combinations.
^^That’s an offer, in case I was too subtle.
may the odds be ever in your flavor.
Thank you. I will do as much training as possible to turn the odds my way.
1. FYI the best way to end up with apple cider chapstick, as well as many other compelling beauty products, is to limit your walgreens shopping experience to the back rack of the seasonal aisle designated for 50%-70% off CLEARANCE items
2. lauren i love you this made me laugh on multiple occassions
Dang, I need to find a friend and some lip balm and carry out some ‘experiments’…
Well this was brilliant.
Hurraw has an almond flavor that’s amazing. I should buy the chocolate one as well, and make an almost Almond Joy.
oh that sounds real good. and almost almond joy is worth it for the name alone :)
Ooooh, a kiss that tastes like my favorite candy. Yesssss.
I ordered Hurraw root beer a week ago and now am going to order vanilla for a root beer float :) trying to work one out for their chai tea flavour.
On Shark Tank earlier this year there was a company called KissStixx (or some similar spelling) with exactly this idea in mind — it’s a two-flavor set, designed for sharing. Haven’t tried it yet, though.
This is so adorable. Strawberry Shortcake will be my favourite. :)
Lauren, you’ve won my heart completely with this list combining literally all of my favorite things. I’ll try out the Sharmen recipe for you when I see my girl this weekend.
“Hey wanna experiment? There’s this new thing I read about where you can mix chapstick flavors to make new one of a kind ones! Want a demo?”
kisstix kinda did this already. And my girlfriend and I kinda maybe tried it. And it was kinda maybe awesome, though it might have possibly ended up with some awkward lip licking (of the not one’s own tongue on one’s own lips kind)
omg I’m going tomorrow to buy apple cider chapstick and maybe the peppermint one. Bring it NYE!
“I thought of you the whole time I was reading it.”
– LDR, telling me to go read this.
I’m not sure where she was going with that.
YOU ARE A GENIUS.
“Please be that queer with the limited edition Chapstick collection.” BAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
This post is adorable! I love that you made images for it, it really made the difference!
Now if only there was someone to experiment with…
Oh the plus side I’ve discovered that Hurraw make Earl Grey lip balm. Not sure I can justify the international shipping though!
Better get to the store to buy tons of chapstick…
alternatively, you can put one on your top lip and one on your bottom lip…