No Filter: Samira Wiley Is Bound And Determined To Bring You A Ham

Welcome back to No Filter, where we examine the private lives of a bunch of strangers as though that was a completely normal way to spend one’s Wednesday afternoon. This week, we are very interested in what one celebrity bought at the grocery store, and a couple of other people we don’t know wearing matching shirts. Is this normal? What are we even doing with our lives? Anyway, Ruby Rose is pretty nice to look at, probably time to get to work.



First off, I noticed this week that we have been criminally negligent in this column for not focusing more on the antics of Beth Ditto and her wife, because their Insta game is strong. I promise to correct this in future columns.



Samira Wiley took her Thanksgiving ham very, very seriously.



Jasika Nicole never disappoints.



Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey are climbing up the chimney in search of extra presents. Is that how it works? How does Christmas work?


https://instagram.com/p/-vPH-JMZfi/
Ruby Rose doesn’t know what a cell phone is.


https://instagram.com/p/-jxya0ga4x/
Julia Nunes came, saw, represented.



For what it’s worth, Lena Waithe sent Alana Mayo some really beautiful flowers, but Alana sent Lena this picture of mac’n’cheese. To be totally honest I’d probably prefer the mac’n’cheese.


lolok
I thought it was important that I include this very cool comment from ariasteilachantel, who is picking up where Brendan left off. Sorry, Samantha, guess you guys aren’t really the cutest fucking couple on earth after all.


Join us next week, when Ruby Rose expands her data plan and hopefully receives some weird messages from Drake.

Stef Schwartz is a founding member and the self-appointed Vapid Fluff Editor at Autostraddle.com. She currently resides in New York City, where she spends her days writing songs nobody will ever hear and her nights telling much more successful musicians what to do. Follow her on twitter and/or instagram.

Stef has written 460 articles for us.

25 Comments

  1. Lyn

    Samira Wiley, why you be making my heart sing? Her use of colloquial slang sent shivers through my private regions, even when talking about ham. And Ruby Rose… thank the sapphic deities for her! How effin’ gorgeous.

  2. EJ

    ruby rose is wearing a ruby rose shirrrrrrrttttttttt

  3. Ari

    this was AS exciting as I wanted it to be, but also, I’d love to see the image of samira wiley bound and bringing me cooked meats. even though i probably wouldn’t eat said cooked meats.

  4. I remember when every straight female wanted to “go gay” for Ruby Rose. It was so annoying. Personally, I don’t understand the uproar over her. Wooden acting, not my type, and so on.

    • The uproar, cuz:

      *Her accent
      *Her adorable LA Lesbian Eco Power Couple relationship with the granddaughter of my favorite childhood author
      *Her openness about her past mental health struggles
      *Not to be a creeper, but: her body

      And straight women saying they’d “go gay” for someone doesn’t bug me. Those old “I’d go gay for” conversations with my straight friends about Angelina Jolie gave me a tiny window of hope back when I was just a baby. Turns out I’d go gay for…well, most women. ;-)

  5. Hehehe “no offense, Ellen, but you guys aren’t really dating”

    WHY ARE ELLEN AND SAM TROLLS THE BEST TROLLS

    I giggle every time

    • Now we can rest knowing that Brendan won’t feel so alone this holiday season.

      • Ha! Now I’m imagining Brendan and this new troll actually getting together for the holidays. Trading photoshopped pictures of Ellen looking intimately at a woman who isn’t also wearing a suit and having serious discussions about how Ellen’s girlfriend couldn’t possibly be dating because someone else took the picture, or something.???

        And then they kiss under some mistletoe that has a picture of Ellen Page taped to it.

          • #brandeila

          • #brandeila would never let someone else take their picture for them. they know that true love means couples selfies.

          • #brandeilaknows is my new favorite super obscure reference to funny judgy trolls

            like

            #brandeilaknows that two suit tomboy lesbians can’t make true love

    • No actually, they’re really not dating, because Ellen is dating me instead :-D

      (In my mind, anyways)

  6. Mac and cheese sound to me like the ideal romantic gift.

    Also, someone please make me an alarm clock that projects that Jasika Nicole video on the wall. I think this is the ever-elusive key to me and mornings getting along!

    • She def gives off a fairy godmother vibe, doesn’t she? Like she would show up and care about you and turn a pumpkin into a carriage and a toadstool into a beautiful dress!

      • I would wake up each day thinking “Jasika Nicole wants this to be a good day for me, AND SO IT WILL BE.”

    • Al

      I’m a vegan and I’d prefer mac & cheese over flowers.

      • Rie

        There’s a pasta shape called campanelle (bellflower), so technically you could have both.

        It’s kinda Georgia O’Keeffey but.

        • The only way mac and cheese made with pasta flowers could become any more of a romantic gesture is if those same pasta flowers look like a Georgia O’Keeffe “flower”.

          Thank you, Rie. Now I just need my GF to learn how to cook …

          (of course, I could make it for her, but I am dating an anti-romantic with limited cheese/carb intake, so it would be a very small and unappreciated gesture… wah wah)

  7. I deleted my Instagram and it was stressful for a while but now No Filter makes it ok. It’s like just a tiny little taste of things so that I don’t have to go completely cold turkey. Thanks, Stef.

  8. Mer

    I love going through my instagram account and seeing things and being like, “yep that’s probably gonna be on No Filter”, and then being right!

  9. I probably shouldn’t admit that I just spent an uninterrupted 3 minutes watching Jasika Nicole’s dance because it makes me that happy.

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