Listicle Without Commentary: Statements (NOT QUESTIONS) Left for Riese and Laneia on Formspring

1. Laneia! I just made my first ever gay lady friends! In this city! I have friends! I’m a real person! Dating! Sex! Friends! Ah! KITTENS!!!
2. You never answer my Haviland questions.
3. You’re very good with comfort and reasoning. I’m going to attempt to decode your algorithm, if you don’t mind.
4. After that HIV question you answered, I had a great idea: 24-hour text message support line you can chat with to talk you through getting tested
5. I have been in love with my best friend for 5 years. Which didn’t feel like that long until I read the last question and thought about it. 5 years ins’t 8 years, but it’s close. I cannot believe I have loved her for 5 years.
6. Tell Haviland I love her and that one day we’ll sing a duet together, preferably something from Miss Saigon or Funny Girl. That would be grand.
7. I just want to chime in and say that I am a pretty Asian girl (I feel so beautiful today.) who loves orange Fanta.
8. Nothing makes sense. Not anything, not at all. I just want to chuck in everything and shave my hair and move to a new city, except I’d look really stupid with a shaved head and in a new city I’d still just be me and I’d still feel like this.
9. I love you. I hope you know this.
10. I moved out of home and I’m too old but I miss my mum. I don’t want to grow up.
11. I want: soooooooo bad.
12. I think you should post more things your kids say, or give them their own tumblr, because it makes my heart warm.
13. You can still go to college. If you want to. You still can.
15. I liked it when I read that Slade has novels, that he writes novels.
17. I’m eating gravy from DQ right now, just thought you’d like to know.

[“listicle without commentary” title stolen from the awl]

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lnj has written 310 articles for us.


  1. I love all of these. Especially “ALL DEM LESBIANS WE WEAR DA VNECKS YES YES.”

    Coz it’s true, YES YES.

    • I have to disagree. I think the world would be a better place if fried chicken and gravy were available everywhere.

      Maybe I’m more southern than I realize sometimes.

    • Yes gravy because what else would you eat the best thing they serve (chicken fingers) with? Also, I miss my mamma too, I need someone to make me some hot non-microwaved foods dammit!

        • fun fact: one time at school, i was about to throw away the left over gravy from my chicken tenders and my teacher saw me and said, “no! i want it!” then she took it from me, dipped her finger and FINISHED ALL OF IT.

          • I mean, were I a person of authority seeing someone about to throw away something as amazing as gravy I might just do the same thing. Good thing I’m not and instead just save my Whataburger ketchups. #terriblesegue

          • ^^ also my first feeling.

            My second was HEY! I’ve had a Whataburger and it was AWESOME! I wish Canada had Whataburgers.

          • no it was room temp. which makes it weirder oh and in regards to whataburger, honey bar-b-q chicken strip burgers ruined my vegetarianism

    • this was going to be my comment.
      and that one time i watched the dairy queen i’d gone to all my childhood burn to the ground and it was devastating. dq was my dyke tyke heaven: ice cream and pretty girls after soccer/softball.

      i’m also am going to say that when i read a few of these i thought “THOSE ARE MY THOUGHTS, MINE. who stole them and put them in a formspring, who?”

    • I am not a gravophobe! I spent many years searching the land for a good vegetarian gravy recipe because I knew how to make biscuits and they cried out for gravy. I love gravy – I’m just a food snob and worry that DQ will sully gravy’s rep.

  2. “You’re very good with comfort and reasoning. I’m going to attempt to decode your algorithm, if you don’t mind.”


      • 1. LOL really.
        2. Riese is serious.
        3. If I knew how to do a formspring, I would…but i have a twitter! You can ask me things there. Is that sufficient?

        Thanks for the lurve. I love autostraddlers – all of you!

  3. I don’t know what prompted ‘7.’ to chime in on such a sensitive issue, but she gave me the courage to do the same, so:

    I am a pretty Latin American girl (beautiful is my middle name, etc.) and I, too, love orange Fanta.

    [Thank you, pretty Asian girl. I’m not sure if the (orange) Fanta we’re sold tastes the same, but I’m certain that they all need to know they’re loved, at least once in a while]

  4. i had a lot of feelings about this list, but after reading these comments i’ve forgotten everything i thought 2 minutes ago, and can only think an M&M and OREO blizzard.

  5. Madden & Morgan’s comments made me want to have a Butterfinger Blizzard with the girls from my basketball team. That used to be lots of fun.

    • haha. my travel softball team would meet at DQ before every away game. Ice cream taught me how to hit. Maybe. Probably not.

          • and this is exactly why softball was my least favorite of the three sports I played. volleyball and basketball are much more fast-paced. we had good chants in softball though. i’ll say that much. :)

          • I just had a very nostalgic googling session. “I see a HOLE out there. I see an H-O-L-E out there.” still has to be my favorite. :)

        • Mine also, and diving just brings it to life. People pee in wetsuits all the time, but oh my god, you should see the routine I go through to ensure that I won’t have to shit mid-dive.

          • Listen to this though: when some people want to do very deep dives where they will be in the water for many hours, they wear a diaper. And other people have drysuits (worn in cold water, totally encase you so that the water doesn’t touch your skin except a small area on your face) into which they install valves that can be peed out of. Since you have to breathe out your nose to clear water out of your mask if it floods, it is also normal to have snot dripping off your face when you get out of the water.

          • this string of comments has taken yet another turn in a different direction than i was ready for.

          • I avoid fast food of any kind, and also the other end of the spectrum (health foods where they swapped out human fare for rabbit feed and shipped it, etc)

          • I can’t reply to madden’s comment below this one for whatever reason, so i’m doing it here.

            anyways, I love how this has absolutely nothing to do with a Butterfinger Blizzard which I still want by the way. :D

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