Glee Mini Recap Episode 317: Dance With Somebody

Greetings, fellow Glee prisoners! Even though I am usually just in charge of taking screenshots, Riese and I are heading to A-Camp and don’t have time to put together a full-blown recap this week. Regardless, we felt like it was a good idea to at least post an open-thread because, well, if there’s anything I like more than fisting a garbage disposal, it’s sitting through a Glee tribute episode.

this is how lesbians have sex

This week, The Whitney Houston Glee Show gave us some good songs and almost no plot, much to no one’s surprise. They started out strong with “How Will I Know” but immediately expected me to care about Mr. Schue, whose wedding storyline I totally blocked from my memory along with that time they covered Ke$ha and basically everything post-“I Kissed a Girl.” You see, William wants to move his wedding up to May because once the senior Glee clubbers graduate, they will run, run away and never return. Apparently, they won’t even be back for winter break, when the wedding was originally scheduled. Because this episode is self-contained, he gets over it by the time the credits roll. Next!

Relevant to your interests, Heather Morris’s legs looked amazing during “I Wanna Dance With Somebody.”

Brittany and Santana, despite all the singing and hand-holding, never actually had a conversation during this episode, which is good because Kurt and Blaine are the only gay couple anyone cares about. Klaine Klaine Klaine. Whenever this show has any queer lady action, it feels like the writers are throwing us a bone because they know you need new gifs for your Tumblr.

But lo! There’s trouble in gay-boy paradise! Blaine is (rightfully) upset because Kurt is flirtatiously texting a new gay guy, because this show needs more characters. Despite being a super gay, musically-inclined kid from Lima, population: New Directions and some corn, no one has ever heard of this kid. Maybe he just now got on Grindr or something, I don’t know. More importantly, Blaine is upset because Kurt is leaving him for his fake school in New York. They eventually talk it out and then hug, because that’s how gay people have make-up sex on this show. The moral of the story is that if it seems like your boyfriend is upset because you’re emotionally cheating on him, he’s probably mad about something else entirely, so you should sing a weirdly arranged Whitney Houston song into a microphone that isn’t plugged in. Next!

And listen, I only got to sing one song this week! That’s such bullshit!

Also, Quinn was in this episode to remind us how much she hates being in a wheelchair, and Teen Jesus was in this episode to talk about his boner for Quinn while I vomit and to give Faberry shippers a reason to throw things at their TVs. And that’s what you missed on Glee.

Anyway, next week Rachel and Kurt are finally auditioning for NYADA, but the episode is called “Choke,” so I hope that they haven’t screwed themselves over by pinning all their hopes and dreams on this one school that holds auditions three months after every other school in the entire world.

All righty, campers, how did you feel about Glee this week?

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Grace Ellis has been writing and making hack-job graphics for Autostraddle since 2011 and is a co-creator and co-writer of the comic book series Lumberjanes. She is mostly an intern in name only. (Mostly.) She lives in Columbus, Ohio because why anything. Also, she wants to write the Black Widow movie and feels like if she just keeps telling people, eventually she will be allowed to do it. She has a Twitter and a Tumblr, both of which are pretty above average.

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  1. I’ve found that if I lower my expectations to…well, nothing, then I can actually enjoy this show every one in a while. So hooray Brittana duet!
    But what I got most from this episode was that I’m pretty sure sweet Brit-Brit and Santana were definitely engaged in some nefarious liaisons underneath the stage before they joined the group for ‘My Love is Your Love.’

  2. My thoughts are all over the place this week.

    What happened to Sugar Motta? She was great, but there was so sign of her. I somehow missed that Teen Jesus actually joined the glee club, not sure when that happened. Between the wedding crap this week and all the other shit Schue has done, he can be rather emotionally abusive towards Emma. Also, somehow needs to inform Schue that he really should not rap at the wedding.

  3. I’ve drastically lowered my expectations of glee to a mere glance between Brittana… That said I don’t remember much about this episode except for HeMo’s marvellous legs draped all over a piano and all on display. Oh and being horrified that Schue wants to rap at his wedding… Seriously. Rap?

  4. Also, Santana and Rachel killed “So Emotional”. It didn’t fit the “let’s be friends now” plot(it didn’t fit any plot w/r/t these two)but they gave a great performance. PezBerry shippers were probably happy.

    Santana and Brittany talked last episode, so they are probably scheduled to speak again around episode 21. Or maybe prom. “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” made up for it. Mmmm-hmm.
    Thank goodness they changed the pronouns in that song, there would have been a lot of pissed off lesbians if they hadn’t.

    Minimal Finn. Yay!!

    Schue’s wedding. Gah. Blech. Meh. Whatever. Get some adult friends you freak. You’re way too attached to these kids.

    I didn’t mind Blaine/Kurts relationship story. They have had some attention as individuals but their relationship hasn’t been dealt with much lately. The featured stories rotate through characters(except for Finchel who always seem to be featured)from episode to episode and I guess it was Klaine’s turn.

    Quinn/Joe? I’m indifferent for now; some of their dialogue was kind of corny and I guess if Quinn can feel a boner on her leg she’s well on her way to recovery.

    • My thoughts w/r/t Quinn and dirty Jesus too! I thought that was going to be a moment of revelation, but apparently boners are an inappropriate segue into miraculous recovery… or really anything.

  5. I don’t like Teen Jesus, stay away from Quinn so I can watch Dianna act in peace.

    I actually didn’t mind that there was little plot this week because I enjoyed the songs a little bit better and by “songs” I mean Brittany and Santana’s dancing.

    Did anyone else laugh when Blaine kept saying “like” in Emma’s office? I did.

    • Personally, I thought Darren Criss did a great job with his acting this week. I’m a big fan of him though. He seemed like an actual teenager (hence why all of the “likes”) and sort of pushing away. So kudos to him because I felt a connection to Blaine even though I’ve never been in that situation.

      Also, Burt’s conversation with his son–fantastic.

      Actually, this week’s episode and last week’s episode are the first two all season that I really enjoyed.

  6. sometimes I wish Glee was Buffy the Vampire Slayer just so there’d be (another) apocalypse and Will and Finn would get eaten by a monstrous demon and/or return to their brimstone-ridden netherworld.

    and then Brittany and Santana would make out.

  7. Out of curiosity, does anyone know if this one passed the Bechdel test? I didn’t watch the full episode, but I saw a clip of Quinn discussing with the girls her value as human being as a causal matter of how fuckable she was. And the other girls just sort of nodded along like, “Poor Quinn. What is she even living for?” It got me wondering.

  8. Only 2 things to say about this week’s episode:

    1) Blaine was totally AWESOME in his rendition of It’s Not Right but It’s OK. Loved it.

    2) IS texting cheating? Guess it depends on context/intention. Still though I hope NOT…else I’m in deep trouble with some of my friends partner’s.

    p.s. love your recaps for Glee.

  9. Okay. As a Whitney fan and a Brittana fan… I was hella excited for this episode. Lots of Hemo leg action while dancing and lots of Naya’s voice and close ups of her face. Could not go wrong, right?

    Nope. I had to sit and once again ask Pedophile Will to take a step back and get some adult friends. Then I mentally reminded him that he should probably ask his OCD wife what she wants at her wedding instead of planning it in the middle of the forest like their Mr. & Mrs. Bigfoot.

    (I also had an inner shout fest where I told him that they should have more than two months to mourn the loss of Whitney Houston.)

    It’s Not Right But It’s Okay is easily in my top ten favorites of Whitney songs. I kinda thought it was a BIT dramatic for Blaine and his eyebrows to perform it over texting. But Brittany’s cheetah line made it okay so I don’t even care.

    The last number made me emotional mostly because as much as I loathe Finn Hudson and post season one Rachel, Never Stable Storyline Quinn, and Sex Shark Puckasaurus…it made me realize I don’t want a new glee club.

    Which sucks because I was kind of holding out for recognition of Mike/Tina of being the most stable relationship on the damn show. Oh and for someone to call Finn and Mr. Shue out on their crap.

    But then again I guess that only happens in fanfiction…

  10. I realize that probably no one was paying attention during the Mr. Schue’s Incredibly Neurotic Wedding parts, but there was this part where Emma is telling him that they really cannot move the wedding up, and then he kisses her to get her to shut up. If there is one thing I cannot stand it is when assholes think they can fix a problem with a kiss. By assholes I mean mainly Mr. Schue, but it can be applied to whatever gross man attempts to do that on anything I am watching.

  11. I like the show, mostly. When I watch it I feel like everyone should express their emotions through Broadway Musical song and dance. Except it would get old quickly. I do not ship Finn-Berry on the premise of he’s not good looking enough to date her. As much as I ship Brittana, I also don’t ship it because I think Santana could get a hotter, smarter girlfriend. But it still makes me sad that they don’t get any makeout scenes but Finn-Berry can have sex. Tisk tisk.

  12. please never stop making these recaps until glee dies because they are actually 100x more funny than the actual program. I almost shit myself senseless reading these recaps because like most people I hate glee and am only addicted to it because of brittana and the hilariously beautiful/terrible covers they attempt. i love them brittana girls but holy crap we should all just go watch the real l word. anyway its imperative you keep writing these, they are the funniest thing on the internet, funnier than hannah hart, i’m sure you’re getting lots of hits, and i will perish without you.

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