FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: We’re Not At A-Camp and We’re Strong Enough to Admit It (Kind Of)

Hello dearest shining muffin pies! As you likely know, A-Camp starts in just two days — which is why some of us are sitting on our couch drinking white wine and eating our favorite weird snack (potato chips + dates) and feeling sorry for ourselves right now. There’s plenty of room though, so come snuggle up! Here, have a chip.

We all have our reasons for missing A-Camp. Mine is a two-parter:

  1. I live in Berlin, Germany, which is kind of a far/expensive distance away. I moved here almost exactly three years ago for work, and I think about that Joan Didion quote from Goodbye to All That a lot: “I would stay in New York, I told him, just six months, and I could see the Brooklyn Bridge from my window. As it turned out the bridge was the Triborough, and I stayed eight years.”
  2. I’m actually going to New York next week to watch a dear friend get husbanded up, and I booked the flights half a year ago because British Airways was having a sale and I didn’t know then that it would conflict with my potential maiden voyage to Mount Feelings. It is a lesson in many things re: advance planning and air travel, but I also haven’t been back to the East Coast in many moons and I have some long distance besties whose faces I desperately need to see. I am also super excited to eat proper bagels and spend at least three hours in a Target.

Gonna eat them ALL

Everyone loves to talk about FOMO on a Saturday night, living-your-best-party-life, level but lately I’ve been thinking about it on a time and distance level. It’s something I struggle with when it comes to being far away from so many people I love. For example it was my best friend’s birthday this week and even though I made a stellar photo collage of her in various states of eating/drinking, it didn’t help me shake this feeling that I am missing — and have missed — so much. For me, one of the more challenging lessons I haven’t yet learned is how to reconcile this memory of what everything was like when you left a place (shiny, rose-tinted) and how inevitably you can never go back to that, even when you do go back.


Me and my besties, a day before I moved across the world

With A-Camp, since I’ve never been before, I technically don’t know how much fabulousity I’m missing out on but in a way I do still know, you know? We all still know! And social media helps/hurts with that, but I wanna talk queer talk and learn queers learnings and make shit and see everyone’s #METGALA finery, IRL. I want faces in front of my face, and to hear everyone’s voices and how they laugh and find out who gets freckles on their noses from being in the sun.

FOMO like whoa.

Ok so now I’m gonna pour myself another glass of wine and you’re gonna tell me all about your own personal FOMOs. What are you doing to cope with not being at A-Camp? What is your favorite comforting weird snack? How do you stay close to your besties that are far away? Do you wanna hang out in a Target with me for three hours? Did you go to A-Camp last year and have some photos you wanna share? Will you also be stalking the AS Instagram for signs of Cameron Esposito?! I just opened a new bag of chips. Get at me.

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Maree lives in Berlin and is usually carrying some sort of Tupperware product on her person. She's written for Marie Claire, The Rumpus, and Teen Vogue, but still has not fulfilled her lifelong dream of seeing a real blue-footed booby. You can find her on Instagram, Twitter and probably the dance floor.

Maree has written 24 articles for us.


  1. I want to be so respectful of people’s FOMO because I’m gonna have it bad next year and whenever I don’t go to camp, but right now there is no room in my head for anything but CRAP CRAP CRAP I HAVE DONE ALMOST NOTHING TO GET READY AND I LEAVE TOMORROW CAN TIME PLEASE BE A MAGICAL THING THAT EXPANDS WHEN NECESSARY?

    • But if time were a magical thing that expanded when necessary you would be EVEN FURTHER AWAY from getting to Camp, and I can’t imagine you want that, really.



      Just teasing, hope everything gets taken care of!

  2. I experience FOMO every weekend because I manage a restaurant and therefore have only had a weekend evening off if somebody dies.

    But Queer-FOMO is FOMO ten-fold–especially when you get to re-narrate and redefine a childhood experience such as summer camp. Or prom.

    • Oh darlin I know all about working weird/restaurant hours FOMO. #solidarity But, you also get to have sometimes beautiful weekday days off, and I LOVE those, especially if I have to go to the laundromat.

      This is so true also, the re-narration thing isn’t it? Also, I never went to summer camp as a kid, really, so I love the idea of getting to just narrate it to begin with.

  3. I recently moved back to my college city after traveling for awhile. The whole time I was gone I missed this city like crazy, and now that I’m back and have a job and a lease and real responsibilities everything is less shiny and I want those rose colored glasses back, so I know exactly what you mean by missing out, even if you get to go back.

    • Totally. Leases make everything less shiny. But mad props to you for getting out there and traveling and then coming back and being a “real” person. I hope you went some awesome places!

      • I definitely did! Four months and 9 countries in Europe (Germany was my favorite, hands down!) Some day I’ll be a “real” person :)

        And yeah, for someone with an intense fear of commitment a year long lease was a lot to handle haha

        Hope you have a great time on the east coast!

        • FOUR MONTHS AND NINE COUNTRIES?! You did it right.

          That year is gonna be over before you know it, I promise.

  4. FOMO. I was a counselor at a camp for wee gays, it was a little bit of that thing where you re-create your adolescence, I don’t do it anymore but it was pretty special.

    I’ve never been to A-Camp, but it’s always like, oh, getting married, oh, my friend is getting married, oh whatever whatever it just doesn’t happen. :/ I’ll go someday?

    Girlfriend is leaving for work travel tomorrow, and I hadn’t made any plans and was worried that I was going to stay home by myself and read Valley of the Dolls for two weeks (was recently recommended on a podcast by Helen Zaltzman who is my brainy babe o’rama of the internet)

    I forgot that I’m a huge extrovert and with minimal effort I wrangled an invitation to a librarian barbeque and am gonna go see my friend open up her beehives and take out the honey and set it back up.

    Turns out I’ll actually be fine. I also like reading, though Valley of the Dolls is weird and goofy and pulpy and I’m 30 pages in and can’t quite tell what the main character is grasping at but I bet it’ll get even weirder.

    I’ve been good/busy/I’m watching a baby today/and then I’m gonna go home and wash the baby yack off me and have a date with my lady.

    So shit is fine? I went to see Lindy West this week and she is awesome.

    I wrote a goofy thing:

    Happy weeeeeeekend!

    • I have never read Valley of the Dolls, so I am curious to know if it’s worth it — keep us updated!

      It sounds like you’re gonna do some awesome stuff while your lady is away, TELL ME MORE ABOUT THESE BEES WHAT HONEY WHAT.

      Also Lindy West. <3

      Happy weekend! I have your thing open in a tab right this very now.

    • Thank you for sharing that article I’m sitting in DQ reading it trying to hide my tears

      • aw I’m glad you liked it! I hope you got a peanut buster parfait and got your crying out someplace that felt more comfy than dq. xo.

    • @shmerdyberdy I finally got a second to read this and ACK: “You are not the Tooth Fairy. You do not need to have somebody believe in you in order to be real.”

      I wanna plaster this on all the walls in all the cities in all the world.

      Thank you so much for sharing this!

      • you’re the sweetest! I’m so glad you like it!

        re: Valley of the Dolls- there’s this Marilyn Monroe movie called How To Marry A Millionaire and that’s the strongest parallel I can think of so far. Secretaries hounding millionaires to marry them, except in the book, it’s the other way around.

        Yeah! So my friend has bees, and every week you need to put on bee suits that make you look like you’re from outer space, and she has these stacking wooden frames you have to separate and spin the honey out of in a centerfuge type thing. If you don’t separate the wooden frames the bees will cement them together with beeswax and you can’t pry them apart! It’s been described to me before but I’m curious to see it.

        Also, Berlin! One of my old friends lives there, I send her thin mints every spring, it sounds like a lovely place where people don’t ruin their lives with overwork.

        • This bee thing just gets better and better! I had no idea that this is where honey comes from.

          You are a complete peach for sending Girl Scout cookies, my mom sends them to me as well and it is the best package I receive all year.

  5. While I’m super sad I’m not going to A camp, I’m still coming to the US for a three week trip in August, yay ! Visiting New York, Philly, DC and Chicago :D. I’m super excited. I’m doing the exact opposite as you Maree, and waiting until it’s almost too late to buy tickets because I’m crazy scared of committing to the dates I picked, boooo

    On another note I started a low-carb diet to try and fight PCOS symptoms, as recommended by another PCOS-ailed friend. @queergirl I’M GONNA TALK ABOUT SOURDOUGH BREAD A LOT LESS NOW :'(.

    But yum cheese and bacon and almonds. Also hello beautiful low carb recipes I get to experiment with !

    This weekend I’m going to a festival on a fourth (!) date with the same girl I’ve been talking about way too much. We still haven’t kissed or anything though I need to make a moooove or discuss feelings with her to see where this is going !

    Have a lovely weekend everyone !

    • Well this is the saddest thing I ever did hear. Chloe and sourdough go together like puppies and naps!

      But sending encouragement anyway!

      Also four dates, woot! Kiss the girl!

    • Buying plane tickets and committing to dates is SCARY, so I feel you and that sounds like such a lovely trip. I actually have to go back in August for a wedding in CO and have not booked that ticket either…

      You can do this low carb thing! I believe in you! Clap if you believe in Chloe everyone! Cheese and almonds, like, what else even is there to eat?

      Fourth date is totally make a move date. Just brush her bangs out of her eyes and be like, “I’m gonna kiss you now.” (Note I have never done this only had it done to me and it works every time I”m pretty sure.) KEEP US UPDATED lover pie.

      • I thought I would say something like “I really wanna kiss you now”. This is as close to ASKING for permission without it being too cheesy.

        On that topic I told this to a couple of straight friends (one male one woman) and they were both all “ewww don’t say anything just do it”

        And I was like “you mean you want me to just assault her ?!” And they were like “yeah asking permission is a total mood killer I would run the opposite way if the other person did that”


        • This might be controversial here, I’m not sure, and I’m always willing to learn more about consent, but I tend to ask for it non-verbally (for kissing/first kisses). Like I move closer, and see if she moves closer too – it’s hard to describe, but I move a bit tentatively (but telegraphing my intent clearly) and see what her body language is doing and if she seems comfortable. That’s after judging her comfort level the best I can during the rest of the date beforehand as well – was she leaning in when we talked? Did she find some reason to touch me at dinner? Etc. Then after a first kiss, I tend to pull back, smile, see if she smiles back, say something happy and flirty, make her laugh, connect verbally before we go back in to it.

          I’ve slept with people who practiced radical consent – “can I take off your undies now? Can I kiss your stomach?” etc. – but I’ve also slept with a lot of people who practiced it like I did, mostly non-verbally; if someone teases the elastic band of my undies with her finger, do i enthusiastically wriggle out? Or do I gently move her hand away? And honestly, that’s what I prefer. But I know that things are changing, and radical consent is becoming more normalized, and that’s also lovely in a lot of ways.

          So many thoughts and feelings!

          • I know about non verbal cues, and I get that most of the time it works pretty well, and it can be cute within the moment. But reading body language is also risky, and I love that if you clearly ask for it (or at least make it clear this is what I would like to happen now) then you remove that tension in your gut that tells you “please be ok with this / please kiss me back”… And you can focus on the goodness of it only :). Whatever works right ?

            I also know that the first girl I ever kiss asked for it first and I thought that was the raddest because no man ever had (they’d all taken the kiss, sometimes without even waiting for me to get closer or whatever) and I thought that was the best thing ever.

            I mean how fucked up is that that my friends think consent is a turn off ???

          • I agree that consent is never a turnoff! ((And I know also that I have made out with women I didn’t want to be kissing because they initiated and I wanted the date to go well for them even if it wasn’t for me…but that’s like a whole connected iceberg of an issue!))

            Anyway, I’ll continue to try and work more verbal consent in, because practice makes perfect!

          • @queergirl I’m also very very very VERY into nonverbal cues, and I think they can be especially electric when everyone is just kind of vibing together it all feels good.

            An example that happened to me fairly recently though, with the person I’m currently seeing, is that we went on what easily could have been a friend date (even though, you know, it lasted 7 hours and we talked nonstop the whole time) and even though we were having a total blast, I wasn’t getting a lot of physical cues from her (turns out she was super nervous) and I didn’t necessarily want to make a move because of lots of reasons that involve both of us recently getting out of big relationships, etc.

            But then she straight up was like, “Ok I’m gonna kiss you now” and then we knocked over two bar stools and ourselves. It was… awesome.

        • SO WEIRD and so bad at romance! It is not asking for permission, it is BEING VULNERABLE AND SEXY. How did humanity not just disappear I truly wonder sometimes.

        • I am often with queer girl in looking for obvious non-verbal cues. My current girlfirend and I did a whole lot of hand grazing.

          But I am also into the “I’ve been wanting to kiss you all night/for a while” and then letting them respond. My first partner said that to me in the middle of a concert and I just kissed them back in the crowd right then. I mean, it’s sincere and not a line–but it’s getting your thought out there and putting the ball in their court. It’s making a kiss-move without actually physically making a move.

    • One of my favourite low carb breakfasts is to halve an avocado and crack an egg into the pit hole. Bake that baby up and load it with whatever else low-carb goodness–cheese, bacon, pico de gallo, hot peppers–whateva treva. You can even slather it in hollondaise if you feel so inclined (I do)

    • I can only recommend hanging out around the Paleo parts of the interwebs, cause they have some pretty fantastic low carb recipes,too!

      Btw., what ever happened to handholding?
      Maybe link pinkies and work your way on from there?
      Oh, and maybe do that in a public place, like the subway, etc. because that’s less of a loaded environment.
      There’s a very special space of time in between handholding and a first kiss, that is full of butterflies.

  6. I keep meeting people who’ve gone on marvelous adventures, who through caution to the wind and bought one way tickets to (insert place) and ended up living abroad in Brazil, Paris, Australia, Germany

    And I’m afraid I’m missing out on my own adventures, because I have this PARROT.

    Finding an African grey parrot sitter is a way bigger thing than asking your mom to feed and water your cat.

    And then it’s a double edged sword, because I LOVE my parrot, and I haven’t seen him since August, and I missed his second birthday this year :( :( :( He’s so cool! He’s my Best Bro Who Is A Bird, and I’m really sick of people telling me that I should rehome him, as if that would be easy or even feasible.

    I’ve been dealing by illustrating a poem I wrote into a sort of comic because I might as well do SOMETHING.

    I can’t post pictures but I took my insta off private for today if ya wanna see some snippets of it


    • Ok first of all I will happily watch your parrot if I could be so instructed and prepared for it, that is amazing. YOU HAVE A PARROT! That sounds like an adventure in itself. I know nothing about rehoming birds, but my sense is that if you’re committed to him, and would be sad without him in your life, you should find a way to make it work. Which, you will.

      UM PS THESE DRAWINGS ARE SO COOL. You just got yourself a new fan.

      • Thank-you! Parrots are messy and loud and time consuming and VERY EXPENSIVE (they destroy their toys so fast!! SO FAST)

        Best parrot description I ever read was that its like owning a “weaponized flying toddler”

        I’m 1,000% keeping him though

        Parrots are rehomed on average every 5 years

        Some of them can live to be 50 – 70 years old. In the wild they mate for life.

        Rehoming when I can keep him would be cruel & I’d never, ever forgive myself.

        Plus he’s cute as heck, so

    • You’ve got a parrot! That’s the coolest! Ever since I started following Iggy Pop’s parrot on instagram (@biggypop) I’ve had this idea stuck in my head that someday when/if I’m able to get a pet I want a parrot too!


        They’re so much work!! They’re SO MUCH WORK

        Literally the first thing u realize once you own a parrot is “wow lmao humans Should Not Own These”

        Also, Rescue Your Parrot

        I regret not waiting until I was settled enough for a rescue to clear me, because then I could have said “plz only offer me parrots that are My Age”

        Reptar The Parrot Will Almost 100% Outlive Me

        I’ll be writing this guy into my will

        Also also Also Teflon can kill them, same with scented candles and incense and anything that is scented and goes in the air basically, etc etc, plz do your research re: cages because the ones in stores are criminally small

        And please do not expect your pet to ever stop being a noisy ass parrot

        Thanku and goodnight

          • That’s like skimming the parrot info surface like

            Asthmatic? Don’t get an African Grey, Cockatoo or Cockatiel

            They are “powder down” birds

            Instead of an oil gland, they coat their feathers in a fine white powder that is created when special down feathers disintegrate

            It gets all the fuck over your house. Your house will be so dusty for forever.

            They Need Fresh Veggies, like dark green Kale and collards and spinach and broccoli

            But they also really need vitamin A (think sweet potatos)

            Don’t give them too much citrus because it can fuck up calcium absorption

            Too much calcium and too little calcium in their diet have basically the same symptoms, so good luck with that

            Parrot vets are specialty, it will be like $2000 if something goes wrong, and when parrots get sick they go down FAST so you won’t have time to save $$ and put it off

            Parrots have barely any blood and can bleed out very very quickly

            A Cockatiel only needs to lose ten drops – literal drops – of blood before being basically dead

            So keep corn starch handy in case they break a blood feather (a new, still growing feather)

            (Cockatiels also get night frights a lot so if they freak out at night and thrash about while they are moulting, that’s the time theyd probably break a blood feather)

            If you own a parrot you will one day get bit. Just accept it and let the fear go and move on.


          • Avocados are poison and so are the seeds / pits of essentially any plant

            Most houseplants are also poison

            Basically birds live forever so like. Read Up. So much research before committing. Binders and Binders of research.

            I regularly have emotional meltdowns over how much work reptar is. Sometimes after work I want to go out with friends, but can’t because it would be cruel to not let this animal that should be in a literal goddamn JUNGLE out of his cage for at least four hours

            (preferably more like six?)

        • Yup I have this vision that when I’m old and settled (hah!) an old parrot will just somehow land in my life and we’ll grow even older together. So basically instead of being a crazy cat lady I’ll be a crazy parrot lady. But WOW I did not know the amount of things to know about having a parrot!

    • A parrot? That’s awesome! I’ll definitely check it out, thanks for sharing that. =)

  7. aw, ya’ve made me double homesick – bagels and Joan Didion in one fell swoop. I moved from my home stat of New York to the UK ‘for one year’ in 2011 for the Master’s, it’s 2016 and I’m still here. I don’t even know if I like it? Sorry, England. Like a lot of people, I had to read Didion in high school. I only re-visited that essay about a year ago and got thinking about how differently I read it at 27 than I did at 17. I’m currently reading through Annie Dillard’s Pilgrim at Tinker Creek again and it’s just as trippy, I adore her and the crazy shit in her brain.

    I really shouldn’t(can’t?) drink because I’m on a strong course of NSAIDS to fight a costo flare up… so. that’s lame. But cheers to Friday and all!

    • Isn’t it crazy how these countries just kind of acquire you? I feel this exact same way about Germany at times, where I’m like, this is great, but also is it?

      BAGELS. The struggle is real everyday.

      I’ve never read Pilgrim At Tinker Creek but I know my mom has it on her bookshelf so thanks for the rec! I’m gonna have her ship it to me…

      Hang in there re: flare up! Drink something delicious and fizzy that is alcohol free, and have a beautiful weekend.

      • Also. I’m watching the new season of Chef’s Table on Netflix right now and the guy legit just said ‘You have to eat a lot of tacos to know how a good taco feels in your mouth’. #truth

  8. I have gotten pretty good at treating local day trips–getting a couple hours of the city first thing in the morning and being back by bed time–as travel. It’s definitely fulfilling my escapist needs and tendencies as well as my wanderlust. It hasn’t fulfilled all of the elements that I get while longer-term traveling/backpacking/etc. such as meeting new people, eating new foods, new feelings, the anonymity–but it’s at least preventing me from getting cabin fever in my own city.

    So that’s something.

    • I think day trips are highly underrated. I really rely on short weekend trips a lot too, which are great if you’re within driving or cheap flying distance of another city — then you get the new people thing too!

      You’re doing it right, IMHO.

    • Huh, that’s a really good idea (as someone who can totally relate and has been planning on moving out of my town for the past year)!

      Thanks for sharing :)

  9. My high school graduation is in under 3 weeks and I’ll be moving across the country for college, hours away from pretty much everyone. Including my best friend, aka the platonic love of my life, who will be meeting new people and sharing new experiences and forgetting about me. That’s my current FOMO

    • SWEE BEAN I FEEL YOU ON THIS. It’s a bittersweet one, that. I did the same (Colorado –> Massachusetts for college) and you’re leaving so much but you are also going towards SO MUCH. It will change you in big, real, but important ways. You’re being really brave, even though it might feel weird when people say that, but you are! And you are going to meet people at school that will likely be with you for the rest of your life — I know I did. I am so excited for you. I think my only advice would be, try to be present with where you are now and not worry too too much about what’s coming up. Enjoy it ALL.

    • Oh dude I feel you. My hs graduation is in a week, and then I’m also doing the cross country move. It’s scary. BUT: since the person you mention is your greatest platonic love, I bet they won’t forget you. I was worried about losing my best bud when I switched schools as a junior, but it worked out. We’re texting right now, actually. You will have different experiences, but the basis of your friendship will still be really strong. I don’t know if this is helpful, but I hope it helps you have less FOMO :)

  10. This is embarrassing, but I leave for my first ever A-Camp this weekend and just thinking about being there makes me tear up. I think I really need to be in this space, guys.

    • There is nothing embarassing about this do not be embarrassed please! This space really needs YOU to be in it and you ARE and that’s so great. Have an immense time! TAKE PICTURES.

    • That is a normal way to feel! There was lots of crying last year in my cabin. Let it happen.

    • Me too, and I’ve already cried about it twice? I like to think I’m just clearing out some of the tears so I can have some non-crying space at camp.

    • FUCK YES!

      My recent train of thought re. Gillian Anderson as Bond:

      1. FUCK YES! (as above)
      2. I wonder who they would cast as her Bond Boy?
      3. But she could still have a Bond Girl!
      4. She could have a Bond Girl AND a Bond Boy*!!

      (*in separate movies of course, so as not to perpetuate the greedy-unfaithful-bisexual trope)


        I’m gonna snuggle this fantasy to my heart and never let it go.

  11. Hi, Maree! I’m sorry about your FOMO feelings. But I hope you feel better soon, and I hope you enjoy your time in New York next week too!
    If it’s any consolation, I’m not going to the A-Camp either, as fun as it sounds. Expense and distance are also issues for me (I live on the other side of the country from California), I have work, there’s the stress of traveling, and I feel like I might be too old to go anyway, ha ha. But I hope everyone who does go has a good time there and those that really want to go are able to do so in the future, including you!

    As for my own personal FOMOs, I don’t really know. There’s a lot of stuff it seems like many other people have done or experienced that I haven’t, but I usually don’t think on them too much. I mean, there are some things I guess I’d like to do or experience, but if I don’t, well, then I don’t. There’s not really much that can be done there, ha ha. I think I’ve been more lucky and fortunate than not, so, I feel like focusing a ton on things in my life that aren’t there might be a bit pointless for me. I don’t know.

    I think my comfort snack is booze. Almost any booze, lol. Though usually when I’m down or stressed or whatever, I’ll go and work out, and that will usually deal with it for me.

    Anyway, sure, I’ll hang out with you at Target, though New York’s pretty far away from where I am too. When I go to Target, I like to go smell the coffee and also check my blood pressure at the machine by the pharmacy. Or see if they have good games to buy in their bargain bin. Exciting!


      +100 points to the house of your choice for pointing out that booze is the best comfort snack. #preach

      I think it is the mark of a self-actualized and awesome person to say something like “I think I’ve been more lucky and fortunate than not, so, I feel like focusing a ton on things in my life that aren’t there might be a bit pointless for me.” It’s pointless for everyone, really. Some of us are just better at not doing it than others…

      Ok we totally have a Target date now.

  12. I turned 40 on Wednesday and I barely feel like an adult, you guys. FOMO is slowly morphing into FOWMEL (Fear Of Wasting My Entire Life) and I am coping by going to Buddhist retreats and learning to be peaceful and happy with whatever good things I have in the present moment.

    • Ok, going to Buddhist retreats sounds like the opposite of WMEL.

      Also happy happy almost birthday! Can I say that it makes me feel relieved to hear you say that you still don’t feel like an adult? I basically feel that with every new decade, I get to give less fucks about things that I don’t want to have to give fucks about. This is true right?

  13. So all of those Root costumes this week gave me Lost Girl nostalgia.

    Which naturally led to crossover/AU thoughts.

    Carter the Chosen One Succubus
    Shaw the Valkyrie
    Root the human doctor (with a little AI help) or Root the Dark Mesmer
    John the werewolf cop
    Fusco the siren cop
    Harold the Blood King (no relation to Carter)
    Gen the spunky Russian sidekick!!!
    Dominic and Elias battling it out to be the Morrigan

    On the crossover side, Shaw would definitely sleep with everyone on the LG side, except for Kenzi and Vex. Root would spy-bang all of the lady characters just for fun, even Kenzi.
    John and Dyson takes turns between brooding in the corner together, and playing with Bear. Fusco seriously side-eyes the drink Trick made for him. Somehow The Machine is crowned The Ash.

  14. I getting so excited about camp that its taking forever to fall asleep at night AND I’m so excited that I’m waking myself up around 8 on accident. Probably should be trying to get more sleep.
    Despite how happy I am to be missing my last week of classes and school stuff for camp, I’m feeling some FOMO around it to. A lot of my friends are graduating in two weeks, so I don’t really get to say goodbye to them in our classes like everyone will be doing next week. And my department is having a year end party next friday but I don’t get home till friday night so I’m missing it. I know it will be so great and like the last chance to see people that I have had so many classes with but don’t hang out with. My friends haven’t really been hanging out with me much lately already, so I feel like missing the last few days with them will make it easier for them to just forget me and like not hang out with my over the summer and in the future.

    • End of year craziness is so crazy isn’t it? And it’s tough to feel like you’re choosing between two things that both feel really important. I can almost guarantee though that the friends and people who are worthwhile WILL make sure they see you and say goodbye, or that you continue to maintain a friendship in the future. And I bet 95% of the reason you haven’t seen some of those friends lately is because they’ve been super busy. No one will forget you who doesn’t want to, remember that.

      Also think about how many new awesome friends you’re gonna come back from camp with. SO MANY.

      Good luck with the end of school! Safe travels, and have a blast at camp.

    • Yesterday I woke up early, thought “in 2 days I’m going to camp!” and was too excited to fall back asleep :)

  15. I’m missing out so big today! Where I live we don’t really have too much going on for queer gals but there is a club called Dyke Hard like every couple of months or so. It’s again tonight, but I am incapacitated by horrible horrible back pains and pain meds that make me dizzy and sleepy. I’ve never been able to go to this club and I really wanted to go! I’m lacking queer friends and kinda thought that today I’d had been brave and tried to make some new friends. You know when you’ve prepared to do something and then you aren’t able to and it feels like this was the only chance to do it and now you’re gonna be alone and miserable for the rest of you life?

    Well at least I’ve got my friend’s cat keeping me company, I’m cat sitting which is the best!

    PS I’ve never posted anything here before!

    • @Sanna hi hello thank you for joining in!

      UGH first of all, horrible horrible back pains sound awful, and I think you’re totally right to stay in with a cat friend and chill. Self-care! It is important. Secondly, Dyke Hard, bah! I want to go to this! I’m assuming it’s a regular thing, though, right? So try not to let that FOMO monster get into you about this, even though I also totally feel like when I’ve planned to do something and I can’t it is the END OF THE WORLD. But it’s not! We’re all still here. And hey, look around — you’ve got queer friends abounding. You won’t be alone and miserable, I promise. Also, queer friends are everywhere, not just at Dyke Hard (again with this name, I love it). You’re taking care of you, which means the next time it comes around, you will be READY.

      • Yeah I know, DYKE HARD is the best name for a club like ever. Which makes me want to go extra bad. Some day I’ll get there, just gotta hope they can keep it going at least semi-regularly!

        • Are you in Helsinki? I went to a Dyke Hard night there once! Or maybe there are others too?

          • Yes! Helsinki best! They started Dyke Hard in 2014 but it’s been super irregular, but I guess now that they have it at the “new” Hercules it might become a more regular thing? I sure hope so!

  16. Guys I have some A camp FOMO feelings, I thought they’d be worse but goddamnit –
    WE GOT MARRIED IN CANADA LAST WEEK! So yeah. We didn’t tell anyone we were going to, just that we were going on holiday. So that happened! Planned it all and kept it secret. We hit up Niagara the next day, here’s a before and after the boat trip.

    Now we’re back home and suffering the jet lag, the cold weather, and the fallout of eloping – basically other folks FOMO feels. Damn it was the right thing to do though. People keep asking about the proposal-erm it went like this;
    *Christmas Eve driving home preparing mentally to face the next day*
    “We can get through Granny tomorrow it’ll be fine. Imagine the horror of dealing with her if we got married.”
    “Oh god no!”
    “We could always get married while we’re in Canada”
    “Yeah I’d been thinking about that.”
    “Cool lets do that”
    Sadly G-Ma has reared her head and sent us a super heteronormative card addressed, (as in she wrote over it repeatedly), to Mr and Mrs… Because she’s a spiteful old baggage. Some folk ask if she understands, yup she does. She even told me we should be married by now because “That Claire Balding has done it”. Can’t wait for our family wedding tea next weekend! Send me calm vibes folks.
    So yeah.
    Have amazing weekends, sending you virtual wedding cake, have an amazing camp, campers!


      Granny seems like a tough old bird but you know what, you are living your truth out loud to her and I do believe on some level that’s gonna have a positive effect, no matter how many Mr and Mrs cards she writes.

      ALSO AH YOU GOT MARRIED IN CANADA AH. I am thrilled in my whole heart for you.


      Im sorry about your grandmother. That’s so insulting and flammatory and downright mean. To cope with it, I recommend watching the Gillian Anderson Jane Bond Trailer, if only for the moment where she goes “For Fucks Sake!”. Then just channel that fierceness right back at her by taking your power back, and living your best life. You’re married! That’s amazing! That’s so good!!

      Also, I think last week someone (can’t remember who?) said that they killed it in their job interview by imagining the whole Straddler community cheering them on? And how proud we’d be?

      Grandma has nothing on the Straddler Army! (100% of Straddlers agree that this is awesome. Take that you old *insert rude word here*)

      Sending you the calm! :)

  17. I am sure there have been many I have missed out, but I can’t think of any off the top of my head right now. I have to go to relatives wedding(going to be really fancy) this weekend. So, I have that, and the idea of pretending to be something I am not(a cis hetro dude, something I’m definitely not) to distract me.

    Long-ish story incoming:
    Speaking of which, last week my friend graduated(cis het guy) and we celebrated by going out to WeHo(boys town) celebrate it. It was a pretty good night until after 2am. A friend of mine(married gay guy) and I went to an afterhours club to just dance more. That’s where the problem started for me. I was dressed like a dapper queer in pants and lovely jacket with lovely shade of purple lipstick, and my eyebrows done. I generally use gender neutral bathrooms, but if I must I will use the one with the shortest line, and a gay bar, that’s usually the ladies. I quickly & quietly walk into a stall in the semi-empty to use the bathroom. But, a 30 seconds in the bouncer is like banging on the door, and I say it’s occupied. Now that takes longer, because in my not sober state, and it being a noisy bathroom they bang on the door until it busts open. Now I am at the bathroom with a door open confused as fuck. Once I am done the bouncer grabs me and proceeds to throw me out. I keep saying, but I am trans, I am not a dude. He, says sorry, but you are not welcome. Outside I text my friend to say what happens. He comes out talking to the bouncer. They said my clothing doesn’t say trans, and says male. I was like if Lea, BigBoo from OITNB was using the bathroom would she be kicked out too? Got no reply. Then he goes what clothes are you wearing? I said, people clothing. My friend was doing his best to be helpful, but at the same time was misgendering me. I kept saying I am trans and use they pronouns. I wanted to cry(which Id did at home). Manager came out, said a quick sorry to me, and let me back in. I did go back to dance as kind of a fuck you to the bouncer, but it ruined an otherwise nice night(that not even my friend Mary Jane could ease).

    Seriously, what the fuck kind of essentialist bullshit is this? I thought a gay area in California, not fucking North Carolina or Texas. I just wanted to fucking pee, in quiet, not to harass anyone or be harassed. It’s fucked me up for a few days now. I can only imagine how much worse my trans siblings in an area that is less friendly have it. What the fuck do you do the next time I get escorted out? I know I have recourse, cause this is California(where we are the only state to ban trans and gay panic), but still it’s bloody dehumanizing.

    On the flip side, the next day I went out to spend time with some queer friend for Long Beach pride and didn’t have any problems using public bathrooms. I had a good time.
    Graduation was in Malibu.

    Thank you for reading and viewing my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • That bouncer should be fired. He basically beat the door down? Good lord. He has no business working at that club (or anywhere else).

      • Someone beat the door down, I was too nervous and worried about urinating that I didn’t exactly see who did it. But, yeah someone should have gotten in trouble.

    • UGH THIS. Just. UGH.

      I hate the idea that this happens in community spaces that are supposed to be safe. I mean, I hate that is happens in any case, but you know — this feels more personal. We need to do better by each other.

      I am glad that you had with you friends who were ready and willing to stand with you and be there — and I also wish I had more idea on how to handle a situation like this, I think it’s just shitty that the people working there obviously were not trained or educated by their employer enough to know how to maintain and operate a safe space.

      I would be really curious to hear more people’s stories about what they’ve experienced at queer spaces, whether it’s been supportive or not.

      However, this picture is beautiful and making me miss the OCEAN. Happy Pride! You are awesome, and I promise the world will find a way to catch up.

      • Thank you. Just being accepted that I am queer and trans makes me feel better. But, yes I too would like to hear more about peoples experiences in queer spaces. Maybe we can have an open tread about it sometime? Maybe make it a round-table too and have some of the writers talk about experiences they had, weather it was positive or not?

        • I think there is so much potential for people to talk and share and open up and educate them damn selves in a conversation like this. Everyone is obvs crazy here with A-Camp, but this is definitely something I would like to bring up with the team and see what kind of options are there. More soon!

          Thank YOU very very much for talking openly and honestly about this. I think as much as we need to focus on making the world as a whole a safer space, we also need to make sure we’re doing the same in our own communities.

          • A big thank you. I agree we need to make sure that we make our community a safe space. However, with terf/transphobic women(and even trans men), and just the general gay male community, it can get bit tough. I’m more and more slowly realizing that gay men’s community isn’t that safe of a community for trans people in general, but I hope I am wrong.

    • What an awful experience, and in a space that should have been safe. I’m glad you had a good time the next day to help lift you up, but still.

  18. I can’t say I’m feeling FOMO-y about camp because there is very little in my life right now that I would fly 24h++ for, but it is still some FOMO-esque sentiment bringing me back here because it has now been two whole years since I hosted this same open thread! Coincidentally then I was also preparing to leave for NYC, though under completely different circumstances. I didn’t know then yet how big a role bagels were going to play in my life. (Oh god I miss bagels so much.)

    Even after having spent a significant number of years apart from the people I am closest to I still don’t really have a clear idea on how to keep those relationships going. Sometimes they just do? Other times they just don’t. Idk mostly I have been content with rolling myself into an introvert ball lately, esp because my partner is overseas (roundabouts where A-Camp is actually). Also, I have new kittens. So it’s everyone else who’s missing out in not being where I am really.

    • Awww hello open thread foreparent! So glad you could come back and join. Also, BAGELS RIGHT.

      I think you’re definitely right about the, sometimes these friendships just go and sometimes they don’t. It’s a live learn situation, always.

      THESE KITTENS WHAT. I would fly over 24 hours to snuggle them.

      • Laura W gave me everything bagel toppings mix as a parting present when I left NYC. It was a perfect present. Unfortunately it is still unused. :(

  19. I’m feeling some jealousy/FOMO about A-Camp, too – unfortunately, “Hey Grandma, can I miss your honorary doctorate ceremony to spend a week on a mountain with a bunch of lesbians?” didn’t go over too well. However, I did “settle” for a trip to Paris, which was amazing. Also it turns out I need to have my wisdom teeth removed next week, so I probably would’ve been… less than pleasant at A-Camp. Hopefully the stars align for me to go next year.

    Actually, for those of you who have already had their wisdom teeth out: any advice on post-surgery food/care? Did you have a favourite smoothie recipe that helped? Did you actually attempt to put chicken/pizza/mac n’ cheese in a blender? And did it work? I need advice, people.

    Oh, and for the person who asked for tulip festival pictures last week: I hadn’t taken any then, so here are some now.

    And a random Penny, because I found this while going through my pics and thought everyone needed to see.

    She’s our “normal” dog.

    • I believe post-wisdom tooth (teeth really, but “wisdom teeth” does not seem like a phrase bandied around a lot?) surgery I consumed nothing except mushroom soup (from frozen). I also played Mass Effect a lot. But then again, that’s not too far off from my regular life.

    • Ok, I totally feel your FOMO, but your g-ma sounds like a BADASS and that’s super cool. Also, Paris. If you can, go to La Mascotte in Montmartre. Delicious!

      Re: wisdom teeth, it will not be as bad as it seems like it’s going to be! I had all four of mine out at the same time, and they gave me Percocet, and everything was floaty. Stock up on ice cream, and anything soft. This blender idea doesn’t sound half bad, but I actually think you won’t be terribly hungry for part of time — because, some pain. Hang in there though! When it’s over, it will be over forever.

      THESE TULIPS ALSO. Gorgeous!

    • I love your normal dog! Post wisdom tooth op I took some lovely codeine and then went to work, had “a reaction” to the codeine and was so high I had to re-teach all my lessons the next week as I forgot grammar…not cool. Completely embarrassing. So yeah don’t do that… I second all soft food reccs and painkiller reccs if you can take them.

    • I love your dog and your tulip pictures (tulips!!! my dutch heart sings!), and also grandma’s honorary doctorate ceremony sounds like the best excuse to miss A-camp EVER

      • There’s actually a good chance the tulips are Dutch! Not sure if you know the story, but during WWII Canada hosted Princess Juliana and she gave birth here. We had the hospital she was born at temporarily declared extraterritorial so Princess Margriet could have solely Dutch citizenship. As a thank-you gift the Netherlands sends 20,000 tulips to Ottawa each year, and we have a big tulip festival. It’s really cool!

        • YESSSS I KNOW THIS STORY BUT FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT!!! Oh my, have a virtual high-five. THANKS CANADA<3

    • Post-wisdom-teeth-removal: Jamba Juice (or other frozen smoothies) are like an ice pack for your mouth. Also, don’t underestimate how soft you will need things to be; better safe than sorry!

    • Can I recommend Arnica?

      I’m not usually into homeopathy, but do use Arnica for bruises, and it honestly does an amazing job. Also the tablets are really small, so you can swallow them easily and you can take up to 6 per day alongside any other meds.

      Food wise: soups, yoghurt, custard, smoothies.

  20. FOMO? I’ve missed out on so much it doesn’t even phase me! ……

    Happy Friday Everyone! :D

    • Sounds like you have an awesome case of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out). Happy Friday back atcha!

    • This is the best and most positive way of looking at life.. I feel instantly better about everything!!!

  21. i’m moving like 15 hours away from where i’ve lived for most my life in a little over a week. definitely having some friends and family related FOMO. my closest friends mostly live about 3 hours away from me, so it’s not as if i see them all that often anyway, but saying goodbye was really hard. i feel like everyone but me is being very casual about my move. and i mean, yes obviously i’ll be back to visit, but still. i do not feel so casual about it. (granted, i’m not very casual about most things, though i like to pretend that i am.) it’s frustrating to be having a hard time with it, because i’m also very excited about my move. i’ll be in the washington DC area, and i’m getting into town right before pride, which one of my new roommates and i will go to. (i’ve never been to a pride before!)

    i’m not really having a-camp FOMO this year, but i went in big last year. last year i had registered to go but got nervous and wasn’t sure about spending that much money, so i backed out. unsurprisingly, i ended up wishing i had gone. some day! (in the mean time, i’ll just try to make friends with all the DC straddlers since i’ll finally be living in an area that has local straddlers.)

    • This is a big deal!!! And good for you, for doing it, and doing it with excitement. There will always always be a tough aspect to it, and I would hazard a guess that your friends and family people are trying to put on a brave face for you/themselves.

      You will make it to A-Camp one day! WE ALL WILL.

      In the meantime, you are going to just have the best time at Pride. I remember my first Pride (Denver) and how it was just this explosion and to feel that feeling again for the first time, I’d give at least my right pinky toe.

      Good luck with the move! Everything is going to be fabulous.

    • happy first pride thing! I hope it is easy and fun! HYDRATE HYDRATE HYDRATE.

      and also I’ve had fun oscillating between HIGH ENERGY WOO and OMG NEW CRUSH then like, chill-er time with friends, ymmv, but I always have to remind friends that are like WOO PRIDE WOO RUNNING and I’m like “ok, but after like, four hours of this, I need a snack and some chill time” so no shame.

  22. I just wrote letters while living away! And pretended I was still part of people’s lives even when I hadn’t actually seen them in three years and I guess my friends just accepted that, mostly? They’re good people. And then I got tired of living abroad so I moved back, and now I’m working out the logistics/possibility of moving to the city most of my friends live in because I want to have enough stuff going on that I can actually fear missing out.

    Two years ago I got invited to the wedding of my only friend from high school I’m still in touch with but it was a week after I’d bought my non-refundable ticket for the first time going home in a couple of years and I felt probably more guilt than FOMO, but I likely didn’t miss out, because I didn’t have to “catch up” with everyone from high school I’m *not* still in touch with. If I move back I can go to all the weddings, which sounds expensive and predominantly heteronormative.

    • Letters are the best aren’t they!? I am terrible at writing them, but I have gotten a few and they make me feel tingly when they appear.

      It’s such a negotiation, being far away and having to prioritize whose weddings/things/seeing family is more “important” or better logistically. I feel you on that — GOMO (Guilt of Missing Out) basically.

      I say, move to that city. Being close to lots of friends is, I think, a better reason than anything else to make a move. But yes, there will be so many weddings. May I suggest my rule, which is a I don’t go if there’s no open bar? Makes the het part easier at least.

      Good luck you!

  23. My brain is tired so I googled FOMO and it’s not a fear, it’s a fact of my existence. >_>

    Weird comfort snack…mustard, straight mustard or mustard on pickles.
    In my mind beef jerky cannot possibly be a weird comfort snack or food because it’s chewy. Chewing on things is comforting. But shooting mustard down ya gullet like cheese whiz I can accede is weiiiird. Also the double shot of bitterness that is pickles smother with mustard that too.

    Me hanging out in Target for 3 hours with ya would depend upon whether or not making fun of products with me would be fun for you. The experience of that vacillates from crotchety “stupid modern things” mockery to the height of immaturity. By that I mean honk-honking the super duper padded bras and swimtops. There is occasionally drumming on them too and thong slingshots.
    Did I mention I sometimes sing the Banana Boat song or Cuban Pete while drumming said over padded boob holding devices and on occasion devolve into Jim Carrey’s Mask like an over sugared child?

    Just the AS Instagram? No I’m too creepy for just that. I stalk the tag acamp on instagram and tumblr like I’m gathering intel and have soundtrack. It still shocks me how public people leave their accounts.

    Oh what chips you eating?
    My favourite potato chips for flavour are Zapp’s Voodoo recipe, it’s a regional brand and I don’t know if they have them anywhere outside the Gulf Coast or the South for sure.

    My weekend plans are to finish making lemon curd, finish enrollment for a class, and make pastelitos.
    Guava and some lemon curd ones.
    I hate baked fruit with the exception of guava and citrus. Muffin, pie, cake or standalone it’s all a gross crime against nature to my tongue.

    • So first of all, mustard + pickles = all the yes, always, everyday. The real question becomes, though, spicy mustard or sweet mustard? (Germany is baller at mustards, it’s one of my top five favorite things about living here.)

      This Target Experience sounds CHOICE and I would love to be a part of it. I could contribute witty comments (potentially) and an impromptu game of tag (definitely).

      My chips are sea salt and pepper and they are sadly gone. I have never had this Zapp’s VooDoo you speak of, but will be on high alert the next time I’m in the southern places.

      I demand a picture of this lemon curd when it is finished, please and thank you in advanced. Re: baked fruits, I am a cherry pie girl forever, and you can’t stop me.

      • Which ever one is sourest is where I’m at. Spicy mustard is for marinade…I don’t know what to do with sweet mustard. Though if you want to gorge on spiciness use cajun sausage(or something with kick), the spicy mustard, then spicy or sweet and spicy pickles with side of cold white bread for relief.
        Mustard a wonderful thing with so many choice beyond pairing them with pickles. Go Germany.

        Heh an Experience, I like it.
        Witty comments work and so would co-sing to re enact the Beetlejuice scene.
        Tag is very risky game in a store or at least in my local Target cause it’s connected to a mall and if they think you’re under the influence you will be asked to leave or worse. Store tag is walking game with no projectiles. Especially not thong slingshots because one wrong move with those and you’ll shoot your eye out kid.
        Distance contests only with thong slingshots.

        Aw poor chips you knew them well. Zapp’s is a regional brand and if you see Zapp’s I cannot guarantee VooDoo recipe. There are someplaces where they only got the classic flavours and in the gas station not the grocery store.
        You might like the kick of the crawtators. You definitely would of love the cracked pepper and sea salt but I haven’t seen those ones in forever. They might be discontinued, but the plain sea salt and vinegar kicks ass.

        Do you know what lemon curd is? It’s the filling of lemon meringue, the lemon part.
        Heh I never stop anyone from eating baked fruit anything, a matter of fact one of the things I’m know for is my baked fruit desserts. People beg me to bring my ice box strawberry pie when there’s a party in spring and it’s my favourite dessert to make. There’s alot of smashing involved and the end product is so shiny and beautiful.
        Oh and my vegan friendly, gluten free “berry crumble”
        It’s just fruit with corn starch or tapioca with some cinnamon and brown sugar. The vegan-ness is dependent upon what you use to coat the little bowls with.

        This is lemon curd:

        It is also possible to make orange curd which is like marmalade but better.

        • YES I KNOW WHAT LEMON CURD IS and that, I must say, is some sexy lemon curd. (Basically I’m starving at the moment and just want an excuse to look at food pictures.) Very curious about this orange curd, it sounds like a creamsicle in pie form…

          At my uber suburban Target there was so little going on that often you could get the employees in on the tag game too. Of course it helped that in high school, the Target employees were usually one or two of your best friends.

          • Gud cause it feels like too many people don’t know the goodness that is lemon curd. Lemon curd is pretty sexy. Orange curd is pretty sweet, I’ve layered it with ice cream for a gift before. Didn’t get no complaints.
            But in pie form it’s best if it’s one of those little fry pies in my opinion which very not creamsicle.

            There’s 2 Targets in the 504 area and I go to the one connected to a mall that has movie theatre. A couple years ago parents of tweens and teenagers dropped them off like it was free daycare or some shit so um there were fights and fucking on the premises and parking lot. Eventually there was a crackdown and it’s like security people are trained to regard people like things’ll fall to the wayside again if they’re not “diligent” and I look yoooung. Scruffy and masculine sometimes too.
            So suburban it may be I draw the attention of security by existing some days even if I enter with my grandmother and mother because I carry the things when needed and walker bound or no in places of shopping mawmaw still has ninja powers so somebody has to TRY to keep track of her. She refused hearing aids for yeaaaars and now that she has them they’re too fiddly for her use correctly everytime. Plus she turns it off if there’s sounds that annoy her.
            It drives her kids crazy.

    • Mustard is the shizzle. I used to eat mustard sandwiches because there would be no food to eat when I was little. If there was no bread I would put it on a tomato. If my parents didn’t have enough money for anything, I just slapped it on a cracker! You wouldn’t believe how excited I was when I found out there was Honey Mustard ???

      • Such shizzle, did you know american classic style mustard can help with jellyfish stings? It’s not just the vingegar it’s the tumeric too.

        Honey mustard is beautiful I can believe you.

      • @ellaria
        Of course you can share a recipe, especially a 1 prize recipe.

        I use the microwave because my stove stresses me out and if I get access to less stressful stove I think I’ll use this recipe for orange curb because it’s more…delicate. The saddest thing in the world is separated curd.

        My method and recipe for lemon uses the microwave and while it doesn’t exactly involve creaming the butter and sugar it comes close enough with the way things are combined. And it cooks in 1 minute intervals with a beating at the end of each minute.

        I’ve used curd in popsicles because I’m American trash and we don’t really have scones here. In the South we have biscuits (it’s a quick bread) and in my family non flaky drop biscuits. I’ve had what might be scone before and it was close to what my family makes as biscuit but dryer and crumblier so I can see why lemon curd’d be great on a scone.

  24. I’m going to admit to being bad, and having watched the next episode of “Steven Universe” ahead of time (Don’t worry, I’m still going to watch the TV version so that it gets the viewership it deserves). All I’ll say is, you need to watch it.

      • You are in for a great wonderful, kind, beautiful, queer space ride!! It is so precious! (hahaha precious gems, get it?)

  25. I’m also having major FOMO. I am getting through by refreshing Insta and FB for A-Camp updates. I wish we could livestream camp! I am about to eat some salsa and chips, though, so I’m feeling pretty good about that.

    Have a lovely trip to NYC! Bagels are getting weird out there these days.

    • Ahhhhh can we PLEASE have a livestream? Like, can we make that happen right now?! There are still WHOLE DAYS, I mean, COME ON.

      Ok this Oreo bagel is terrifying but you know what I’ll take it.

      Enjoy your chips and salsa! I feel slightly better to know that we are in this A-Camp FOMO thing together.

    • Would the live stream be like the kitten bowl? Or could we have a kitten camp live stream? Kittens and yarn in a faux camp setting on a faux mountain? I went too far there huh…

    • Oreo Bagels? Y’know, this reminds me of Voodoo Doughnuts. I had a chance to go into their new Denver location after a few months (I had to wait for the line to die down) to see what all the fuss was about. Now, I’m not the biggest fan of doughnuts in the first place (my dad being diabetic, causing me to avoid sugar as much as possible certainly helps), but I just couldn’t see the insane appeal (and I love trying weird flavors, like my orange cream sauce pizza with prosciutto and spinach [arugula would have been better as the sous chef pointed out] shows). To each their own, I guess.

      • EXCUSE ME I WOULD LIKE TO TRY THIS PIZZA arugula or spinach or whatever don’t care. I’m way more of a savory person too, except for cupcakes.

        Am also curious to check out this VooDoo doughnuts place when I’m in Denver later this summer… thanks for the tip, or, not-tip?

        • Hmmm, I still remember how to make it (somewhat; this recipe if from almost exactly ten years ago and I never wrote it down). That restaurant had a brick pizza over (gas fired), but it should be possible to make in a house oven. The sauce was heavy cream and orange juice, reduced so as to thicken the sauce, seasoned with nutmeg and kosher salt (frequently used in restaurants as it’s more forgiving than iodized; sea salt would likely be fine as well). It also had a sourdough crust (which we pre-cooked a little for the sake of speed during the rushes). After that it was spinach (or arugula if you want to take the advice of my sous chef at the time), prosciutto (cut into strips), mozzarella cheese. The only couple that ordered this pizza said they loved it (the pizza specials never sold well at that place). Amounts are a bit fuzzy, I’m afraid. :(

          You’re going to be in Denver later this summer? I wish I had more advice on where to go, but I don’t get down to Denver often (being pretty busy up here in Boulder and having a somewhat unreliable car), but I do know about Blush and Blu (which you can’t miss if you visit Voodoo Doughnuts as it’s right next door). Hope you enjoy your time in Colorado when it comes. :)

          • I’m totally 100% going to attempt this recipe — and I never follow exact amounts or anything because #yolo so this is a great starting point.

            I actually grew up between Denver and Boulder (Broomfield, represent) but I do love all the recs because I don’t get back there very often and am very out of touch with what’s going on and cool. Still quite sad they closed Paris on the Platte.

  26. I went to A-Camp 1 and 3. Haven’t had camp FOMO this bad before though. I think it’s because all the other times I missed camp I was doing other exciting fun things (like Eurotripping with one of my cabinmates) and this weekend all I’m doing is working. Bah.

    • OOF working. Damn the man! At least you’ll have money at the end of it? That is not usually a thing I can say about my weekends…

  27. I, too, wish I were at A-Camp this year, but it was not to be. To deal with this sad fact:
    1) I’m trying to get a job

    2) Trying to join a research team on my campus

    3) Studying differential equations (since my semester went to hell just before my first test in that class [literally, the major event happened an hour and a half before my first test… thanks, life, thanks] my grade just wasn’t good enough for my degree)

    4) Studying the German language using a textbook from a couple years ago (my uni’s foreign language policy is fine for people fresh out of high school who only took two years of a foreign language, but my high school German is 17 years old! D:)

    5) In the tiny sections of free-time I’ve got I’m playing the video game Terraria again and seeing what crazy crap I can engineer in that game.

    With all the time I spend cloistered in my room working on everything going on in my life it’s a good thing I lost my FOMO a long time ago (although I definitely need to be better about keeping in touch with people… I’m atrocious at that…).

    • I have no idea what differential equations are (will google momentarily) but they sound important and interesting and at the very least distracting.

      Deutsch ist die schoenest sprache in die ganzen Welt, oder? (Can you tell that my German is embarrassingly bad considering how long I’ve been here?) It’s such a whacky and complicated language but WHEW trying to learn it makes me feel like an IDIOT. Viel Gluck!

      You have so many goals, just add, “Write email to friend” to that list and you’ll be GOLDEN.

      • Vielen dank!

        It is a strange language (although I think it has fewer rules that trip up native Enlgish speakers than Finnish… which I want to get back to learning one day). I was going to take summer classes in Spanish, but that ended up not happening, so I fell back to German.

        As for differential equations, they’re extremely important and all around us. Predator-Prey population models, modelling the spread of epidemics, and so many more uses in science.

        I’ll try it, but sometimes when I have a task on my mind or some interesting idea a “to-do list” vanishes from my mind as I work on the problem/idea/whatever.

  28. I don’t really have Camp FOMO, thankfully. It just seems like a lot of… people. I actually really like people, I like being around them, but I like being around people I know. Camp would be a lot of new people and not enough time to get comfortable with them. I can imagine having fun but I can also imagine feeling isolated. If I had the money to spare and then some, I’d probably want to at least try, but since money is tight I’d rather not chance it.

    I don’t really keep in touch with people. If they’re in my neck of the woods or I’m in theirs, we’ll try to meet up, but I’m very much an in-person friend.

    I’m keeping busy this weekend. My fiancee’s family is having a cookout tomorrow night, which should be delicious. On Sunday, I’m seeing a college friend–she’s in my neck of the woods!–and I’m looking forward to catching up. Monday I plan to chill. I’ve got two episodes of Person of Interest to watch and a book to read (Uprooted, by Naomi Novik) and a novel to edit. I might go for a walk on the trail my fiancee and I just discovered, provided the weather is good. I’ve got all the ingredients for an excellent holiday.

    • You know, I think that’s a good point — it being isolating to not being able to get to know and be comfortable with lots of new people. I think also though sometimes a place like Camp compresses that process, and what would take close to months or years even in the real world happens in hours or days at that kind of place. Maybe? Just an observation.

      You get your cookout on! That + hikes + reading + friends is an inspiring holiday weekend. Have a BLAST.

  29. Ahh, the best of my friends all live abroad, and it’s not fair, and what can ya do! I missed my best friend’s name day this week! And my other, older best friend’s award ceremony for her TV-show!!! And I miss so many other things. The best friend’s town has a better gay bar than mine, and my girlfriend just got a job volunteering for our local feminist bookstore, and basically I fear missing out on all the gay things because all I do is write my comic and work as a postal worker. Soon I will start actually drawing my comic though, and I’ll be having a BLAST, and I won’t care anymore about what everyone else is doing!!!! Happy friday everyone and happy A-Camp everyone who will go to A-Camp YOU ALL DESERVE ITTT!!!!

    • WRITE THAT COMIC WRITE IT SO HARD. I bet as you have some crazy-ass stories, I feel like postal workers see into the bowels of humanity in a way that not all professions get to see.

      I think being motivated to do the things you love so that you can laugh in the face of FOMO is as good a reason as any. WRITE THAT COMIC.

      • I’ve seen dome very odd post cards fly by, but the weirdest thing I’ve noticed is how often people just…. forget house numbers????? They just don’t put them on the letter, and then we, being mail sorters, have to sift through the whole street finding the name somewhere. But my comic is about lesbian witches, and thankfully has nothing to do with mail in ANY way. AND YES I WILL WRITE IT SO HARD!!! fomo can’t touch me!!!!

  30. I have CRAZY FOMO about not getting to go to A-Camp, but I just can’t afford it this year (and also I’m in a play that goes up next week, so I couldn’t really miss that). One day, you guys, one day.

    I’m also having crazy FOMO about not getting to go to this roller derby convention the first week of July, also for lack-of-funds reasons. But I’m making up for it by registering for the TOTALLY QUEER, TOTALLY AWESOME roller derby bout hosted by Toronto Roller Derby for Toronto Pride! I’m super excited about it! This bout happens ever year, and it’s a scrimmage where ONLY QUEER DERBY PLAYERS are allowed to play!

    The catch is, I need to choose a new derby name! Straddlers, I need your help! I’m really bad at this! My current derby name is Trial by Fury (because I’m a lawyer, obvs) but the names people use for the Pride bout are always different, and way more GAYYYY and way more sexual. So please help me pick a new name for this very special bout that is:
    – Super duper gay
    – Hilarious
    – Sexually suggestive
    – possibly a play on my current name, Trial by Fury, or references the law in some way.

    Names people have used in the past that I really like include:
    – Cunning Linguist (obviously)
    – Miss Andry (my personally fave)
    – Notorious V.A.G.
    – Straight Bait
    – Bi-Furious

    • HOLY WOW um you are giving me FOMO about missing ALL OF THESE derby events and I don’t even PLAY I just marvel at/drool over all the ladies who do.

      UM ALSO Trial By Fury is hilarious and awesome, I feel like probably you just need an asterisk on your jersey that says, BTW I’m a Lawyer somewhere.

      Out of this other list I vote for Bi Furious and Notorious VAG in that order. Because then you still have the furious thing, etc. Miss Andry is obvs hilarious but I actually laughed out loud when I read the Bi Furious thing.


    • Cunning Linguist(but spelled Cunnilyguist) is a southern indie rap group(who’s music I really enjoy a lot). My vote would be for that one.

    • Guilty of Gay
      Brief Quickie
      Lawsuit and Fedora/Trilby
      Straight Strike Down
      Sue Me, Suckers
      Lucy LawLez

    • I’m having trouble getting beyond legal + gay but here are some starters:
      –Womens Rea
      –Lez Animata
      –Vag Hominem
      –“Jury of One’s Queers” and “Queer and Convincing Evidence” are too long but I LOVE THEM. Maybe just “Double Queersay”?

    • Oh I want to see queer derby! Miss-Andry is genius. Loads of awesome stuff seems to be happening after we were there. But we couldn’t afford to go out of term time. Ah well. Some day.

      • Lass Action sounds like a superhero, awesome and I have to commend you highly for setting up amicus curiae with bi cause it’s an entity that doesn’t belong to either party. Brillant
        Ooh something with Executrix

        • “I have to commend you highly for setting up amicus curiae with bi cause it’s an entity that doesn’t belong to either party.” – I’m going to pretend that I knew that and did it on purpose. :P

          • Okay as long as we can also pretend I didn’t use my reading comprehension skills on the intsy bit of latin that is familiar to make an educated guess before using a search engine to confirm. :P

    • Sub-pony (from subpoena, if I have to explain it, it’s probably a bad idea)
      Legally Gay (punning on the movie and current political situation, which is obvious, I don’t know why I keep explaining myself tonight…)
      Bar Dyke (Get it? And just one syllable short of klondykebar..I need to get to bed, goodnight)

    • It’s lame and not a legal ref but “Lez B. Aggressive”
      Jo Queermo, not sexually suggestive but it’s adorable and I share adorable things.

      I reaaally want to suggest Annie Chocha but that could be cultural appropriation plus I dunno if Toronto is a place that would be wise to what that means…maybe Annie Poutine? Annie Plotte or is that too vulgar?

    • OH MY GOD YOU ARE ALL AMAZING! Thank you for all the wonderful suggestions! I will have to consider this very carefully, and I will definitely let you know what I ultimately decide on. Straddles, you’re the best, thanks for all the help!

  31. I always have fomo re: A Camp. Like you it’s a I live halfway around the world situation, which makes things complicated and expensive.

    I have MAD fomo this year because I was actually going to A Camp. I was registered, flights booked. Then my university who had assured me that all my end of semester assessments were 100% set in place (I’m in a super small course where they set all of that way in advance) came back and were like “lol jokes we’re moving one of your exams forward and you can’t take it at another like and it’s worth 40% so you can’t not take it or you’ll fail”. So I had to cancel my trip and as I would have been in LA rn if not for my stupid university, I’m feeling particularly melancholy on this freezing ass Melbourne winter morning as I head to work.

    Looking forward to stalking insta and intensifying my fomo!

    • NO NOOOOO what that SUCKS. You were thwarted!

      That being said I went to Melbourne for the first time in Feb and I completely fell in love with it and would move there in a heartbeat. Is it really freezing?! I was banking on the always warm AU thing…

      • Mmm hmm. Higher education has a lot to answer for. Anyhow, that’s a rant for another day.

        Melbourne is a great, great place to live. But it does have some temperamental AF days. The saying about Melbourne is “four seasons in one day” and there’s even a song that was written about this phenomenon. If you want always/mostly warm you’ve gotta head up above the tropic of capricorn to Brisbane/Gold Coast or over west to Perth. When I say freezing, I mean like 8 degrees celsius currently and 0 some particularly nasty winter mornings. It doesn’t snow or anything, so that’s something at least.

    • Whaaat! I feel like flipping tables on your behalf. That is an extremely shitty and unreasonable thing for them to do. I hope you hadn’t already paid the whole camp tuition at least??

      • Let’s just say I’m down quite a few dollars. I was annoyed a few weeks ago when this all happened, but more chill about it now. No use wasting energy on something I really can’t control!

        University administration, at least in Australia is known for being a shambolic mess. So I honestly wasn’t surprised by the change in date. Wasn’t so into the “well it’s your fault for booking a holiday during swot vac” attitude. They said I could apply for special consideration, which is for like death of a family member and being in hospital type situations. That office was like “yeah you won’t be granted a resit date, it’s your fault, university should be your #1 priority, blah blah blah.”

    • Ugh that is so annoying! Hopefully you get all your money back and you get to go next year. And the Melbourne weather is so freezing and miserable atm. Especially because at my school we have to wear knee length skirts all winter long.

      • I do not miss the school uniform skirt life. I get really cold legs and feet, and school skirts were not at all helpful.

  32. I definitely have FOMO at the moment, I’m unemployed and desperately poor and living in a new city where I don’t have a lot of friends, and I wish I were out partying/at A camp/ travelling/basically not stuck in the house on a Friday night ’cause I can’t afford to go out! Sigh :p

    • Oh sweets I feel you on this one — have been there, have done that, have also tried to avoid being there and doing that by plunging myself into credit card debt (don’t do that, I would not recommend it).

      The good news is: everything is temporary, even this, and you’re gonna find a job and make some awesome friends and have a ton of Friday night shenanigans that are going to feel extra special and awesome because you had to practice patience in getting there. I would recommend, in the meantime, that you maintain a revolving playlist of only songs that make you feel awesome and play them at full volume when you need a boost. Also, think of how many Friday nights you’ve been out doing something that was no fun and wished you were home reading (unless this is just me).

      Plus, we all know that your hair looks great today regardless.

      • Awww thank you for that pep talk, I know it’s true but sometimes it just feels like it’s been this way forever! It’s good to hear it, thank you. :)) Off to put some silly music on!

        • DO IT I recommend Whitney, Missy Elliott, and (paradoxically) T Swift. SHAKE IT OFF, YOU.

  33. I have FOMO because of many things: Firstly, A-Camp. Of course. But I’m a poor student in the UK with exams starting on Tuesday. So there was no way that was gonna happen. Also, all of my friends at other universities have already finished all of their exams and are done for the summer, while I don’t finish for another three weeks. Which sucks.

    HOWEVER: Next weekend I am going to my first ever Pride ever! I’m going to Oxford Pride with my best friend who is also queer, except neither of us knew we were queer when we met, which is odd. But I’m super pumped for that. AND I just got elected LGBT+ VP at uni so I am hopefully spending the summer trying to plan all sorts of fun events and things for next year. So while there is FOMO, there is also much to be looking forward to :-)

    (Also if you – as in the website – need things doing that are boring and no-one wants to do I am totally up for it, my summer will be long and boring and probably rainy. So think on it. Please.)

    • You absolutely need to (re)watch “I Can’t Think Straight” before you to to Oxford Pride!

    • You are trying to make it sound like this summer is going to be boring, but I am going to foil this plot.

      Firstly, major congrats on the VP position! This is super cool and I fondly remember being the VP of my school’s Gay Straight Alliance as an excuse to plan lots of events and hang out double time with my best queers.

      And and and and PRIDE. Do not underestimate the power of pride. It is the ultimate giant party and it’s the kind of environment where everyone is in this open, happy, celebratory (ok also drunk) state and it feels easy to connect with people you might not have had a reason or the courage to talk to otherwise. AH! I am so excited for you.

      The site usually posts when/if positions are open and things are needed, so keep your eyes peeled!

      • Thanks! Any tips on planning stuff for the society? I’ve never done any sort of planning/organising/leadership whatever before but I (we!) really want to put on some good stuff, talks and whatever. So any advice would be much appreciated :-)

        And I am super pumped for Pride! I think we’re gonna do at least three this summer, so they are good things amongst the long work days and rain haha :P

        • Three prides! I am slightly tired just thinking about it.

          As far as planning/leadership/etc, my practical advice (in terms of organizing) would be to look at the whole summer, pick dates and rough themes/plans for each event, and then work backwards from there. It’s always better to set the deadline and then work up to it, in my experience. I would also recommend getting people involved in some kind of volunteering or charity experience! There are usually queer-centric organizations that need extra hands on deck, so reaching out to those places in your community is a great way to build ongoing relationships.

          You’re gonna do GREAT.

  34. Just dropping by to say Hi!
    I’m too tired to google what FOMO stands for, but this is my first Friday night off in three weeks and I’m already wondering how to squeeze all the things I meant to be doing into this one weekend.
    Like, the dishes.
    Because I like to live vicariously.

    On another note, I’ve been trying to be more present in the moment, something I probably need to put on a post it note, or ten, to remember.
    Post It notes, coffee and more sleep will probably aid in that noble endeveaour, so that’s my cue, goodnight!

    • Coffee, I find, is the ultimate way to be present in the moment because every moment that has coffee in it is a moment worth appreciating.

      Thanks for dropping in! Sleep well, and squeeze every last bit of juice outta this weekend.

  35. I haven’t seen or had consistent contact with my best friend for a month now because she’s been busy with school. I didn’t realize it until just recently, but I’ve sort of fallen back into a depression of sorts. We’ve been inseperable for almost a decade now so it makes sense that I’d miss her, but I wasn’t expecting it to hit me this hard.

    • These things always hit us differently or harder than we expect them to, in my experience. I think it might be because we don’t even necessarily think/know to prepare for them. It’s ok to be upset about this: and I encourage you to reach out to her, even if it’s just to say, Hey I know you’re busy but I’d like to spend some quality time together sometime soon.

      The sad truth about friends is that sometimes they slip away from us, or us from them. But I also think that there are always going to be ebbs and flows in the kind of time you spend together, and the the truly long lasting ones will survive these different phases and help you grow as a human person along the way.

  36. I have serious A-Camp FOMO!!! I totally could have gone, except I didn’t know that at the time sign-ups were going on…I just now got hired as a full-time employee with benefits so now I have more vacation days than I know what to do with. And of course by the time this happened A-Camp was full.

    But I usually get over FOMO by really putting my whole self into enjoying whatever I’m actually doing. Like doing exactly what I want with my day, and finding ways to enjoy it. Even if it’s just filing documents and drinking beer at my house on a Friday night… I just really enjoy my own company! Also, as an introvert who has to interact with people a fair amount at work, sometimes I’m perfectly happy to be missing out!

    Comforting weird snack: I layer tortilla chips and salsa on a big plate, microwave for 30 seconds, top with 2 fried eggs and a sliced avocado. Add salt, pepper, garlic powder, and chili powder.

    • THERE IS NOTHING WEIRD ABOUT THIS COMFORTING SNACK it sounds perfect and incredible and I wish I were eating it right now.

      I have learned so much about the Joy of Missing Out from the introverts in my life, so thank you, you and all the rest.

  37. Hmmm bagels…
    I’ve been having some FOMO. I graduate from high school in seven (!) days, which is cool and long awaited and scary and exhilarating, but it’s also making me realize how much I missed out on, cool people I could have gotten to know or opportunities I could have enjoyed. My tiny art school is full of so many nuanced humans I don’t know. Also with 1.5 school days left I found out that my buddy/long term crush might be into me! Guess who’s too scared to actually talk that one through? Yeesh. Any advise on telling a really cute girl “Hey I know we’re friends but I’ve always been awed by your face, and you mentioned having a crush on someone who I think might be me, wanna try to make this work before I move cross-country in 3 months? Also I have minimal dating experience and a lot of stress.” Yeah. That’s where I’m at. Gonna try to not be a weenie.
    It’s not all weird, though. I just got a part time job and negotiated a salary I’m pleased with. Picked up my honor cords for graduation this morning! Who knew four years of being better at school than interaction would get me a very fancy rope belt. I finished binding a collection of comics I made this year about a happy lesbian couple who live in space. I’ve mapped out the next 14 pages and am really excited! Everyone who’s going to A camp enjoy!!! Everyone else we can chill here and make our own blanket forts or something. That’s vaguely like camping, right?

    • Congrats on graduating! I totally get that feeling of wishing that you had gotten to know people better. I moved last year and when I was leaving my high school I regretted not getting to know people better. Also I didn’t tell the girl I had a crush on that I liked her, so I think you should tell your crush that you like them. Even if It doesn’t work out then at least you won’t have any regrets :) and there’s bound to be heaps of awesome opportunities wherever you are going, so just try to make the most of them there!
      Also your comic about happy lesbians in space sounds awesome :)

    • Blanket forts = EXACTLY like camping.

      Congrats on your impending graduation! Also negotiting a salary because YEESH that one is always a… negotiation.

      Tell that crush your feels. Do it! You’re moving across the country in 3 months — WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? Only your regrets that’s what.

  38. I’ve promised myself that I’m going to go to A-Camp in 2017. While I may not be going this year, next weekend is going to be full of stuff- my best friend and I are going to both the StL Pagan Picnic AND it’s the opening of Shakespeare in the Park, so I’ll be hanging out with queer pagan theater ladies outdoors, which is sort of like A-Camp, right? Maybe?

    And now that I know what FOMO is, I feel that all the time. Honestly hanging out with you in Target for three hours sounds super nice; they closed the Target by my house and now the closest one is like an hour away.

    I don’t have any go to weird snacks, but the chips and dates thing actually sounds really good. My mom likes to make milkshakes out of dates, those are really good. Sometimes for late snacks, I make myself a cheese quesadilla.

    • Hanging out with queer pagan theater ladies outdoors is basically A-Camp I think, so you’re living your best life. Shakespeare in the park is one of my favorite things!

      This is truly a sad thing re: your local Target. I think this happened to the one in my hometown as well, and it still makes me sad even though I don’t live there anymore.

      Dates in milkshakes! This is brilliant. I’m on it…

  39. On camp: someone at work asked why I always get to do the fun stuff and I said, in jest, that I was living my best life. I SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID IT IN JEST. When I do rad thing that are good for me, I need to own that shit.

    Anyway hi until camp I’ll be doing laundry, packing, and freaking the fuck out over the new X-men movie.

  40. I have feelings (in the response to this comment) about “Wynonna Earp” tonight.

  41. – The WayHaught height difference is SO cute, and I think Waverly is wearing heels.
    – WayHaught’s communication mix-up.
    – The sheriff isn’t as dumb, or as much of a ***hole as we all thought.
    – Where is Purgatory? Because the salt flats are in Utah. That seems like quite a drive.
    – Waverly finally got the girl.

    – How is buying Shorty’s going to get Bobo across the line?
    – My favorite OTP on this show: The Earps and doughnuts.

  42. Well nothing happened to me this week. All my friends want me to draw and paint things for them but I never get paid for it and it takes time away from my personal projects. But I never finish my projects soooooooo it’s all good ?.
    Hope everyone has a good weekend. It’s time for me to enjoy my beer and watch anime.

    Peace to my peoples!!!! ✌

    • Ahhh I know the drawing-for-friends feelings well. Remember that your own projects are important, whether you finish ’em or not! I found that I just started not finishing things for friends because while I love them dearly, I’m a busy woman and I need to make my own stuff happen too. Nobody asks anymore which saves me a lot of stressss

  43. I’m also not going to A-camp (because I’m still in high school). But hopefully I can go next year or the year after. For now, I will just have to look out for Cameron Esposito on Instagram. I’m actually dressed a lot like her today, with my plaid shirt and denim jacket. I’m excited though to read about a-camp and see pictures.
    I went to my therapist again today and it went well. I feel bad though because it was my second visit and I still haven’t told her I’m gay yet. I mean she hasn’t asked and it hasn’t been entirely relevant to our discussions. I’ll probably mention it next time though.
    But on a good note, my debating team won our debate on Thursday night and I got best speaker!! So that was super exciting! And it was my first debate so I’m super pumped for our next one. And I had a second debate on Friday morning at school and my team won that one too :)
    Hope everyone else is having a fairly good week :)

    • It took me four months to come out to my therapist.
      So don’t sweat it.
      She googled all the sites and magazines and gettogethers for me after, and suggested I susbscribe to that magazine, visit that internet page, and go on that weekend trip,etc., to overcome my fear of other lesbians.
      (I was so scared.)
      Actually, now that I think about it, more than ten years later, I just really want to give her a hug and send her a big bouquet of flowers.

    • Honestly, don’t feel bad about the therapist, I didn’t come out to mine for a while despite that specifically being the reason I went to a therapist! Just bring it up when it feels relevant. Congrats on the debate! I kind of wish debating was more of a thing in the uk, it seems like a useful life skill…

    • Firstly, mad congrats on winning your debate (multiple debates)! Secondly, I’m so glad a few people have chimed in here about the therapist thing: I’ve never gone to a therapist (though I’ve considered it quite a few times) and I never actually even considered what that would be like, coming out about it in that kind of context. I want to second the notion about “just bring it up when it feels natural” but I also know how that can be easier said than done…

  44. Ahh super jealous!! I can’t go because i have been saving money for my Seattle road trip with my partner in June. But i do have great memories of past A-camps

    ^Tug of war at A-camp

  45. Unfortunately I will nto be at A-Camp this week either (because I started a new job and we’re opening a casino in a month – so much to do!)! Really looking forward to it next year….I’ve never been! That’s my FOMO to the max.

    I also have best best friends that I love that live nowhere near me. My closest best friend is in LA (I’m in San Diego), my childhood best friend moved to SF a couple years ago, but she comes down to visit sometimes, and my other local best friend moved to Kansas last year. :(

    I also grapple with wanderlust or maybe I just haven’t found my place yet, but I have a feeling that 2016 will be my year to get it all on track. :D

    And I hope to go to A-Camp next year even if I’m by myself!

    • 2016 is is YOUR YEAR. And even if you don’t get “it all” together, it is still YOUR YEAR. What is “it all” anyway?

      Opening a casino sounds insane and exciting and maybe stressful. Good luck! We’re all gonna make it to A-Camp someday…

  46. I guess I mainly have FOMO about social milestones and other “normal” young-person stuff that I missed out on during teen/college years, partly as a result of my anxiety disorder. Sometimes I feel socially underdeveloped. Like, I’ve never even been in a relationship. Sometimes I just feel late to life, if that makes sense. I learned to drive at 22 and only got a smartphone a year ago. And my friends are all having babies or graduating with their PhDs and masters. I have no desire whatsoever to have kids, so perhaps this isn’t FOMO. And I’m going to grad school next fall. But I just feel like everyone has reached “adult” levels and I’m still kind of aimless. Does that count as FOMO?

    On a happier note, I AM GOING TO A-CAMP!!! I am sorry if my talk of a-camp is annoying to those who can’t go. I was in your place last year. I understand.

    BUT I’M SO EXCITED!!! It’s my first time. I still can’t believe it. Right now, I’m over the moon because I just finished my week of work, checked in for my flight tomorrow, and picked out some clothes at the Goodwill for the dance. And I looked in the mirror in the Goodwill as I tried on a snazzy blazer and thought “hey, I actually look kinda hot!” It was a positive body image day. It was a positive day overall because CAMP!!!

    But I’m also nervous! And I have no idea what to expect! I still can’t believe it’s happening!
    Okay, I need to pack. Enough procrastinating.

    • @eunoia this kind of FOMO is very real, and very much a thing that we all experience, no matter whether or not we have done the proscribed “coming of age” things when and how and where we were supposed to do them.

      The secret, as far as I can tell the older I get, is that doing these external adult-signifying things (marriage, advanced degrees, even children to some extent) doesn’t make someone an adult. You know what does make you an adult? Finding ways to pursue the things you love and live the life you want no matter what that looks like to any outside source.

      Which is exactly what you are doing! You sound like you have your shit together, love. I’m not even a tiny little bit envious that you get to go to Camp because you sound like you are going to rock your time there and absolutely slay in your new blazer. Go forth and be awesome on behalf of us all!

      Also people without smartphones are way cooler than people with smartphones, I promise.

      Have an absolute BALL and remember that you are an adult, but only if and when you want to be.

    • I absolutely have the same kind of FOMO. I’ve never been in a relationship and only fairly recently started dating in my late 20s, due to various depression/ anxiety issues when I was younger. I totally feel late to everything and like I just don’t know what I’m doing! But a while ago I was complaining about it to a friend, who was surprised because she thought I’d been dating lots of people and thought I was really confident, which made me realise that a) how we see ourselves is usually not how other people see us, b) the people we think totally have it together probably don’t, and c) focusing on big life goals we haven’t reached stops us noticing smaller achievements. So, in short, have an awesome time at camp!! Everything else will sort itself out later :)

  47. I too, am off to camp. But, this is in part due to my FOMO last year. And also, I wasn’t ready for the enormity of doing the thing? So when my wait list email came through this year, I said fuck it, and went with it.

    I had to come out to my boss, ask for time off, come out to a colleague, book flights etc.

    But agin, I’m glad I didn’t do it until now. This time I had the money, my family had time to adjust to their daughter being gay, I had time to overcome my internalised homophobia and so much more happened. Also, I just turned 30 and I had a stern chat to myself about living my best life, and living authentically.

    Unfortunately, my Mum is the sickest she’s ever been and whilst she is in hospital, I have been on a plane, flying from Australia to LA. My Mum is my rock; and I had a major meltdown before I left because I just didn’t want to not be there, when I am always there. It almost feels a bit like survivors guilt but also its so different from that.

    Anyway, I am finally here! In a hotel room! 14 hours of being crammed into a tin can, and the lady behind me put a recline stopper on my seat. I get it, I do, but I was also extremely pissed off. Just ask me! I’m not the asshole that will recline for the whole flight!!

    Also, I’m a migraine sufferer, and during the last 5 hours I developed a head cracking migraine. Luckily I was sitting next to a nurse, who was lovely. She immediately notified a stewardess, they gave me ice packs (I get so, so hot) and had there been a free seat to go to, probably would have moved me (Apparently the reason there’s always free seats at the back of the plane/free row is for ill passengers. I learnt that today). But, because of the bitch behind me, when I really needed to lie down, I couldn’t.


    Everyone I’ve met so far is lovely, I’ve managed to sleep, and I had the most amazing quesadilla for dinner from Tacos Los Primos on 98th Street, near the Sheraton hotel. Right next to the store. $6 and I don’t believe I’ll ever experience how great that was again.

    Have a great week all!

    Camp, here we come!!

    • @ellaria First of all, I’m so sorry to hear that about your mom. I can actually only imagine what it’s like to be pulled between doing something very important to living and being your authentic self, and being there for her in a time of serious need. I can also imagine that what she probably wants for you most of all though is to see you live your best life and be your best self. That doesn’t make it suck any less. But I also know that you’ll be at camp, surrounded by some truly incredible people, and they will be there for you if you need to talk about this or be upset or process that guilt. I hope you reach out if you need it!

      That trip sounds like absolute HELL I also had a non-reclining seat (because it was broken) on my flight from Germany —> Brisbane and I just, I could not, and I didn’t even have a migraine. I’m so glad there were people there who helped give you some relief, and I’m also that you are in Cali now eating delicious things.

      Give Mount Feelings a big big gay hug for us all. Happy 30th!

  48. Guys. Guys. My girlfriend is I her flight to camp right now and I’m actually sobbing. A combination of intense fomo, jealousy, and missing her. To make things even worse, A Camp takes place at the summer camp I used to work at and I miss it dearly.

    Basically I’m struggling today and this whole week. Any fellow “my significant other went to camp and all I got was to sit at home and be jealous” folks out there?
    Any other NYC folks that want to meet up and drink about our feelings?

    • UGH WHAT that makes it so much worse! Do you need a hug? I’m sadly not in NYC or else I would be totally down to drink away the FOMO. I can also tell you the one thing that once happened to that might be similar, which is that the day after my 25th birthday, which I spent laid up in bed with such bad food poisoning that I had a fever and couldn’t even drink water while 3 of my best friends from another city who were visiting sat around my apartment, my girlfriend at the time left to go to Hawaii for 3 weeks for work. She also didn’t get me a birthday present. So. I feel you. It gets better! Gin helps.

  49. A girl that I’ve been totally swooning over since our first date last week texted me and told me she wasn’t feeling it. I’m totally bummed, I was crushing. Hard. I’m not quite heartbroken, but I might be…crushbroken?

    Any advice for getting over it? :( Last night I was going to go out dancing at a queer club, but instead I just got stoned and ate some brownie ice cream and fell asleep.

    • Well eating brownies(or any comfort food) can be a positive start. Maybe today or tomorrow just go out with friends and just have fun.

  50. Checking Instagram from time to time. Really wished I could’ve gone.
    Hope everyone has a great time!

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