Hello hello hello Friday fam. Welcome to the Friday Open Thread!!! ! !!!! Show me pictures of your dogs, PLEASE. Tell me all about your week. I hope it’s been lovely and rejuvenating. Mine hasn’t really been.
I know most people associate spring with renewal and rebirth but I work in TV so spring is mostly a season of watching TV shows die. After a lengthy pilot season, people are anxiously waiting to hear if their pilots got picked up, writers rooms are staffing up, and everyone is bracing themselves for Upfronts, which reach a fever pitch mid-May. The Sparknotes version of the last few sentences is: I HAVE BEEN WORKING MANY HOURS.
This is the time of year when I do nothing but consume TV in horrifying amounts. My job consists of watching and thinking about TV all day, and then I go home and watch TV all night to stay caught up. Everyone’s goal ’round here is basically to read or watch every noteworthy pilot by Upfronts (when the networks show off their upcoming shows for advertisers) and you know what? Most of them are not great in the end, and the majority never see the light of day anyway. I thought about making a March Madness-style bracket but for pilots but that felt like dancing on the graves of dead TV shows. There is no ethical consumption in television!
This year I don’t care as much about staying caught up with all the shows because it’s been a weird few months. In January, I went skiing and ended up kind of mangling my face when I unexpectedly hit a tree going downhill. Whoops! They strapped me to a stretcher so I rode the ski lift down laying on my back and looking up at the sky, realizing I was a character in a high school physics problem. If Olga was skiing at 30mph on a 35 degree incline, at what force did she smack into a tree? I also took a lot of hospital selfies to take my mind off the fact that the whole ordeal was pretty scary (physically, emotionally, and financially). After a long day in the ER, I ended up having to get my front teeth re-implanted which I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND TO ANYONE EVER. It is not relaxing or fun. I only got through it by watching The Barefoot Contessa cook up a salad full of summer berries on the surgeon’s TV.
I wore some rudimentary braces up until a few weeks ago to fix things up and just got those taken off (warning: here be gore). I guess in a way spring is a time of renewal and healing. I’m pretty much just left with a scar on my chin, some seriously intrusive memories that will go away with time, and a Pavlovian shiver down my spine when I smell tree bark. The weirdest part is the feeling I get when I move my tongue around in my mouth, because my teeth are in slightly different places. You know that uncanny feeling where something is right but it doesn’t feel quite right?
BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME. How was your week? Did you fly into any solid objects? Did you have any dreams about teeth falling out? DID YOU WATCH THE PEOPLE VS. OJ SIMPSON? Are there any TV shows you’re really worried are about to get canceled? Did Kocktails With Khloe’s cancellation ruin your bracket? What are you watching right now?? (I’m so sad Jane the Virgin’s second season is ending soon. You don’t even understand.) Tell me everything.
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