FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Take Me Back to Wonderland

Why hello there, Cheshire cats! Welcome to Friday Open Thread, another dimension of consciousness accessed through a rabbit hole or a looking glass or a very large amount of drugs.

I hope you’ll stay and hang out with me and tell me all about your past week, your weekend plans, your joys and sorrows, your new haircut, your old tried-and-true haircut, your latest lifehacks, whatever!

Things are really quite okay in my neck of the woods. I hired a new community organizer at my day job a couple months ago, taking our regional office from two to three employees. She’s smart and fun and hard-working and kicking major ass. It’s energizing to have someone new around the office to plot world takeover with and to share in the joys and sorrows of nonprofit life. Like yesterday when I tripped the circuit breaker by using the microwave and the printer at the same time…

I was warming up my lunch, which, speaking of, I made successful mac and cheese from scratch for the first time this past Tuesday! There was a roux involved!

I used this recipe, but mine didn't look this pretty. (via

I used this recipe, but mine didn’t look this pretty. (via

Being vegan for over a decade and then becoming not-vegan-anymore last year at the age of 32 means that I am still figuring out how to cook basic non-vegan foods. I can whip up a tasty nutritional yeast sauce, but I’ve never made a sauce with real actual cheese. I feel like I missed out on some basic kitchen skills that most non-vegans learn in their twenties. I guess I actually gained really kick-ass vegan cooking skills in my twenties, but it’s just a very different way of cooking. I think a lot of the techniques are actually harder. I’ve just never had a reason to make cheese into a sauce before, is all. Cooking meat is still really weird to me (so I still mostly cook vegetarian proteins at home). Like, how do you know when it’s done? Also, it’s super gross?

How’s the weather where you are? Is it spring yet? Is it another season because spring isn’t a season you’re having right now? It’s sort of spring here. The weather in upstate NY is fantastically unpredictable this time of the year. One day it’s 70 degrees and hazy and the next it’s 35 degrees and raining. Layers upon layers of clothing have been my coping mechanism. I’m a human onion. Every morning I take a gamble on the, “Do I need a coat today?” game. It was actually sunny for a couple days last week and I got to wear flip flops, take a nice stroll along the Erie Canal, see some ducks, and feel sun on my vitamin-D-deficient face.



It’s supposed to be nice-ish again this weekend! What are your plans for the weekend? I’m currently packing a bag because I’m driving five and a half hours to New York City for an Alice in Wonderland-themed dance party at one of my favorite places tomorrow. Should be wild! This is the party invite.

We were resisting yet another road trip to NYC, since we were just there two weeks ago and neither one of us will be getting our ticket’s worth of open bar. The promise of meeting up with friends and the opportunity for grown-up dress-up overcame our better judgement. Waffle wants me to do his white rabbit costume makeup like this:

I relish  applying Waffle’s face for party costumes because he’s never touched makeup in his life and has no idea how any of it works. It’s actual wizardry to him. I feel like I’m a professional artist on Face Off or something. It’s a nice femme confidence booster. We always reach a moment where I have to physically restrain him because he involuntarily flinches when anything comes close to his eyes, which usually ends with actually poking him in the eye due to his jerky head movements and screaming.

I’m preparing for the weekend by listening to my danciest music, particularly Janelle Monae’s discography.

What’s going on with you, kings and queens of my heart? What are your favorite dance jams? What are you doing tomorrow? Did you start your day right with a fiber-filled breakfast? What do you think of Lemonade and how many times have you watched it? Are you staying hydrated? Read any good books lately? How about that local sports team? Pour yourself a cup of tea and tell me anything and everything!

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KaeLyn is a 40-year-old hard femme bisexual dino mom. You can typically find her binge-watching TV, standing somewhere with a mic or a sign in her hand, over-caffeinating herself, or just generally doing too many things at once. She lives in Upstate NY with her spouse, a baby T. rex, a scaredy cat, an elderly betta fish, and two rascally rabbits. You can buy her debut book, Girls Resist! A Guide to Activism, Leadership, and Starting a Revolution if you want to, if you feel like it, if that's a thing that interests you or whatever.

KaeLyn has written 230 articles for us.


  1. Kaelyn, may i ask what prompted the shift from vegan to non-vegan? I have no feels about this (YDY), just legitimate curiosity!

    I make killer mac & cheese, always with a roux. I usually like it better the next day, reheated in the microwave tho. What that says about me, I do not know.

    Now I have the desire to watch Alice in Wonderland…

    • Ooh, send me your killer mac & cheese recipe, plz!

      It’s a long and possibly boring story. I went vegetarian in 2001 and vegan in 2005. I was vegan until I became un-vegan in 2015. Mostly, it came down to me reassessing my values and core beliefs and realizing that I wanted to relax my dietary restrictions a bit.

      I was into veganism for animal rights so much as for environmental reasons and in protest of the food industrial complex. But eating vegan does not necessarily challenge the food industrial complex as more and more “healthy” brands of processed foods are owned by major corporations. At the same time, I became more involved in community work that put me in solidarity with people living in food desserts or people who worked on farms in inhumane conditions. Additionally, vegan spaces often felt uncomfortable to me as a POC and someone whose primary interest isn’t animal rights. So…weighing all of that, I decided to be a veg-friendly omnivore. I still eat vegetarian or vegan on most days, but I also eat small amounts of meat and animal byproducts now. Whew. That’s the short answer. :)

  2. This weekend my wife and I are riding in the 5 boro bike tour. We are excited but nervous…. The most we’ve ridden on a bike was 9 miles.

    This past week we found out that we are once again not pregnant (3rd try). It’s crazy, but not surprising, how stressful just trying to conceive really is. The drugs, the emotional roller coasters, the weird things your body does, and the let down. But, here is to starting attempt #4 and hoping for the best.

    • Keeping my fingers crossed for try No.4!
      Also, do tell how that bike ride went.
      I thought about flying to NY for the occasion, but obviously totally forgot.
      May your saddles be well cushioned.

      • Thank you friend! Hopefully the ride will go well, it might rain, but will definitely report back :)

    • Daaaamn! Have fun and good luck with the bike tour! I’m envious of your athletic ability.

      It is so disappointing, every time it doesn’t stick. If and when you try again, I’ll be sending you fertile, good thoughts. I know TTC is stressful for lots of people, but I think when you bring in the level of medical intervention that many queer people need to make it work, it’s even more stressful. You get your 1-2 chances per month and that’s it! And it’s not a super romantic procedure. It’s very clinical. Anyway, sending support to you and your partner!

      • Thank you friend! Its definitely stressful but we’re keeping up good thoughts and hoping for the best. At least I know what to expect from the shots this month. :)

        • I hear ya, Ruth! We had our third failed iui several months ago, and the emotional roller coaster has been more than I expected. Good luck to you and yours!

        • Yes, it’s good when you at least feel like you can predict the unpredictability of what your body is going to do. Ha!

          I think the first thing that threw me for a loop about trying to conceive was how I felt like I was losing control of my bodily autonomy. Like, I just didn’t know how my body was going to react to the different drugs and things and even before I got the positive pregnancy, I felt like I was out of control of my body, in many ways. That was really emotionally challenging for me, as someone who generally likes to be VERY in control of my body and self.

          • Yes, I totally feel you! I think the emotional roller coaster has been the toughest for us, usually I’m pretty even keeled, but all the drugs has thrown me all over the place, and neither of us know how to deal with it. Fingers crossed, this month takes!

    • Ahhh, so much good luck to you on both the ride and the baby. Sending hugs and support your way, if that’s your jam.

  3. Mmmm, mac and cheese. I’m about to move home after two years of grad school, so my room is full of bags and my fridge is in a tragic state, meaning I’ve been eating very terrible combinations of leftover food for the past several days. It’s bleak.
    I have an interview for a job today which would be in a location that would allow me to see my girlfriend every weekend this summer. At this point, it looks like it’ll either be this or a job which would let me see her maybe once a month. After a year of long distance, I’m pretty desperate to get this job. I’m just hoping the desperation will come across as passion in the interview…

    • Good luck! Good luck! Good luck!

      I wish I could share some of this leftover mac & cheese with you. It had thyme and I used a stock instead of water, so it has an almost truffle-like flavor.

      I hope you get the job!

    • Post-interview update: based on the theory that my roommate and I have, wherein interviews that feel like they went well mean you don’t get the job, and interviews that feel like total shitshows mean you do get the job… I think I have a good chance of getting this job! :/

  4. FRIDAY!!!!! YAY!!!! Omg for once I’m off and early to this thread!!! I’m sorry I’ve been missing out so much. I miss you guys!! Camp is in a month!! CAAAAAAAAAMP!!! CAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPCAMP! So who’s going to camp?! Fist bump me if you spot me walking around =) or I’ll fist bump you and tell you you’re the best. So how is everyone? HOW ARE THE FURBABIES. @kaelynrich omg your little t-rex baby!!

    You guys. Moving is hard. It’s even harder when you do it by yourself and have a little black car that can only carry so much. I feel like I haven’t had a proper day off in like 3 weeks because if I’m not at work I’m putting in work in my apartment. I’m basically waiting for my parents to get back from vacay before we move the BIG stuff like bed. Dining set. Speaking of dining set I saw one at IKEA (insert lesbian joke) I KNOW I KNOW…and bought it because it was on sale then basically pushed/pulled/don’t know what I did the whole damn 75lbs of package out of my car and into the house. All I can say is thank lesbian Jesus for cushions on the cement. I figured…I can’t bring up to my 2nd floor apartment..why not just take it home right. By home I mean my parents place…I know I get confused too.

    So if you have social media/watch Buzzfeed shit..there was this really cool wine crate coffee table I saw on Nifty. I saw how ‘easy’ the instructions were and gave it a go. Yup, many trips to Home Depot (insert other lesbian joke) later…

    TA-DA!! TABLE. I put some caster wheels on the bottom instead of actual table legs so I feel like it’s a little easier to move.

    I used four of these if you’re wondering. You can also use 2 of these with 2 of the more rectangular ones to make a longer table. =)

    Look at LA you guys. Is this spring? IDK because it like literally rained the next day -.- Now it’s nice and sunny.

    Speaking of cooking..this is what I made. I realized that I could just roast the vegetables instead of steaming them all the time. Not shown: homemade teriyaki sauce.

    • Wow that table looks fantastic ! Congrats! I made a chest once with a roommate, and it’s sitting quietly back at my parents’, I miss that chest ! It was a fun Sunday afternoon.

    • …… Such a lesbian comment….. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!

      What stain did you use on the crates? I like the color.

      • it says Kona on the can. It has the sealant in it already so it was one less step to do! =)

    • The crate table is so cool! I love it! Your dinner also looks great. Sounds like life is really, really good, other than the stress of moving. I can’t wait to see pics of your place when you’re moved in.

      SO SAD I WON’T BE BUNKING WITH YOU AT A-CAMP THIS YEAR! Have too much fun for me. If you bring a pinata again, I hope you will be able to be there for the moment it rains candy.

      • Sleep crew will be one person short -.- YES I THINK ANOTHER PINATA IS IN ORDER. Someone told me last year that Klub Deer was barely beginning and someone who was tall enough jumped and brought it down :O

    • So, I’m going to A-camp! I’m excited and nervous and can’t believe I’m actually going on a vacation besides a family vacation. Usually I’m too cheap for such splurges but my wife convinced me that it’s okay to spend some of our savings on a-camp. Plus it’s a nice distraction from the stress of planning for ivf. I can’t wait to meet so many lovely queers at camp! I’m sorry you won’t be there KaeLyn!

    • Crates and castors and creativity oh my!
      Love it. Hope the moving is over swiftly and you get settled in all cosy like. :)

      • It’s like a gigantic metal earth with no instructions LOL. I’ve been itching to put the dining set together because lesbian desires? LOL

    • I’m not sure why the system insists that I’m posting a duplicate comment when I try to tell @vinzzz27 that table is awesome?!??

  5. Hi Kaelyn ! Hope you’re well <3.
    I'm just back from wonderful yoga, and the instructor had us focus on truthfulness today, which feels SUPER RELEVANT to what's been going on in my life !
    I've been chatting online with this wonderful girl, who lives kind of far away, and we've been talking about kink a lot, and she seems like the perfect person to help me try out my kinky desires with !!!.

    Here comes the truthfulness part: I've always, as long as I can remember, held myself back from things that I really want, out of fear or because they are out of my comfort zone. How many times have I had opportunities (mostly sexual) and ruined things by retreating back or holding back, into something that feels "safe" and known but void of any new experience ? And I've caught myself doing it with this girl at least 3 times a day, thinking 'this is silly, this is not practical, this is distracting you from work (ARE YOU KIDDING ME SELF?!)' and I've had to tell myself "no, self, you deserve this, you've been wanting this for a really really long time, DO NOT ruin it now that you can have it".

    So yay being truthful with yourself !

    In other news, the weather here is awful (it SNOWED three days ago), but I'm still going to Bristol this weekend with a friend I made while hiking. I'm pretty excited ! And then I'll stop over Birmingham for a Mark Lanegan concert. All of this made possible thanks to Couchsurfing

    Also, is anyone in the UK thinking of going to the Brighton Pride ? I really wanna go ( I can't make the London one sadly) but I'm scared of doing it alone :(

    Have a lovely weekend everyone <3

    • High five for horrible weather.
      I went to that beach thing last weekend and there was rain, sleet and actual,several inches of snow on the five hour drive back.
      Good on you, for exploring all sides of yourself, your Yoga class sounds hella therapeutic!
      I was thinking about going to Munich pride today, because the main party is staged in the old city hall, which is otherworldly to dance and party at and in.
      Actually, all I want is for summer to come and just briefly hop all over Europe on extended weekends.
      I’m so over this weather right now.

      • Lol you’re gonna hate that weather in Berlin come August tho aren’t you ? (I remember summer in Berlin, it was rough).

        But I mean, all my friends back in Montpellier are posting about going to the beach and I’m like “shut up it snowed here three days ago!!!”

        This is all part of a larger conversation/choice I’ll have to make in the next year about whether I should take that job offer waiting for me in Montpellier or stay in the UK and look for a job here :/ both have pros and cons, I don’t know what to dooooo

        • Ha! I’m living in a poorly insulated rooftop apartment,too!
          But every time I’m feeling live roasted during the summer, I always try to remember the winter and don’t complain.
          Berlin has so much water and open air stuff during the’s an entirely different city.
          A city where the sun doesn’t set until past ten p.m.
          A city with about ten open air movie theaters.
          As for U.K. vs Montpellier..I really, really do get the lack of love for the British weather, but the UK is a bit uh, fancier?
          In the end, I’d go with my gut.
          Can you imagine yourself sitting there in a year? In five?And does that thought make you happy?

          • It’s more like … Choosing between quality of life (Montpellier) vs quality of my career (the UK). The career waiting for me in Montpellier is a sure thing, but not the most exciting. The one that I can carve out here could be really nice but I’ll have to compete against a lot of people and I’m not super competitive / ambitious

    • Cheers to trying something fun and new with a person you trust and like! Yes to saying, “Yes!” to the things (and people) you want!

      UGH SNOW. I’m so sorry. We had a light dusting a week or so back and it was so depressing. I just want sunshine!

  6. “She’s smart and fun and hard-working and kicking major ass. It’s energizing to have someone new around the office to plot world takeover with and to share in the joys and sorrows of nonprofit life”

    Uhhh so this is my goal now. I want someone in my org to look at me and think this! lol I’m so glad you found someone who can take things to the next level. May she continue to kick all the ass

    I’m soooooooo jealous that you’re going to the party! I was looking into it last week because I realized that I totally need to get out of my comfort zone, meet new ppl and all that good stuff, but of course I closed right up because 1. I have no idea who I’d dress up as and 2. I have no one to go with. I get super anxious and ugh. I can’t handle it, but I hope you have aaaaall the fun! Please take pictures of your outfit and all the craziness I’m sure will ensue :)

    I have a question for you all and I hope I’m wording this correctly (I have a hard time expressing myself cuz ya know..words), but how do you handle men that feel entitled and feel like you should acknowledge them?

    I usually ignore the compliments and the ‘hellos’ because I feel super uncomfortable with unwanted attention from men. I believe this one guy who works a fruit stand near my job feels like I should always say ‘hello’ or ‘good morning how are you’ every time I walk by him, always calling me his ‘friend’ when I only bought fruit from him once 2 months ago. This morning I was on my way to work and he literally yelled at me because I didn’t acknowledge him, causing everyone on the street to look in our general direction. Overall it’s really rude and I feel so uncomfortable and honestly scared because of the things I’ve read when you say ‘no’.

    Have any of you dealt with this and were you successful in letting them know that it’s not okay?

    • This might not be the most constructive of comments, but: Headphones.
      Maybe coupled with a brief and noncommital nod, sans smile.
      You don’t need to be you all the time, sometimes it’s ok to channel someone else.
      Like a bitchy, successful business woman, Mayor Regina Mills from Once, your favorite butch bulldyke, Xena…the possibilities are endless.
      You don’t need to be sweet, you don’t need to apologize, and you don’t need to be afraid (in daylight on well crowded streets).
      You don’t need to be rude or defensive either, sometimes it’s enough to be very busy and in thought and not really hearing or remembering someone.
      Like, maybe try the confused look, mildly embarrased smile and quick wave every time you walk by, or check your phone and spotify playlist with your headphones on.
      Just imagine you’re..this powerful, important woman, who simply does not have any time or energy for this cheap bullshit.
      Because you are.

    • I totally understand where you are coming from. I am constantly torn between wanting to be seen as friendly and then not feeling like I owe anyone anything. I actually blogged about this woman who created art out of her experiences. Check it out. Would love to hear your thoughts.

    • My outfit is a white dress. That’s it. I copped out on the costume idea because I’m pregnant and I want to be comfortable and it was a last minute decision. But I’m sure there will be pictures! It’s probably not too late if you want to go. The parties are pretty fun.

      I like what @amidola said. You don’t owe fruit guy anything. On the other hand, you do deserve to feel safe and if giving a smile and nod de-escalates the situation, well, you don’t have to feel bad about prioritizing your safety, either. I usually do the ignore and pretend you didn’t hear tactic. But yeah, when someone escalates the situation, I take comfort in knowing that they are the one who usually looks like an asshole. And I move on. This is tough, though, because you have to walk by them regularly and frequently. If you don’t feel like you are comfortable confronting him directly, I think the pretend you have headphones on and/or pretend you’re on your cell phone coupled with a casual wave might suffice to get through this part of your day.

      Ugh. I hate that, in these interactions, the worst thing that can happen to the man is they feel disrespected. And the worst thing that can happen to us is that we are assaulted or attacked or worse.

    • I had this problem this weekend; a co-worker at a party that could not get a clue or keep his hands to himself. I was too angry to get the words out at the time without making a scene at my friend’s party, so I just sat there and fumed while he droned on with his unwanted and disrespectful attention.

      Here’s what I decided: I need to think of what to say (and how to say it) ahead of time so I don’t need to figure it out in the moment. For me this is especially true because my reaction in the moment is ragey violence, but my goal is to be cool and calm like Obama and just shut them the hell down without ruffling a single one of my feathers. Self-control is the ultimate demonstration of power. So, what I landed in is this: look them in the eye and say “I am not interested in you. Leave me alone.” Probably they will get angry or have some kind of emotional reaction, but I don’t owe them an explanation, so I will just repeat it in the same way. If that doesn’t work, I will get up and walk away.

      It was important for me to take my power back, because so often we are socialized to prioritize how dudes are feeling, don’t embarrass them, don’t be rude, so we have the habit of giving over the dynamic and the tempo of interactions to others. So, I want to train myself to take back the power I have, my words and actions, so I don’t just endure some bullshit because I’m too angry and too conditioned to just taking it. The only real power we have is the power over our own thoughts and actions; we can’t control other people’s behavior. So I just need to practice exercising my own power to counteract all the social conditioning bullshit.

      I want to hear what other people do in this situation too! I hope you figure out a solution that’s true to yourself for the fruit stand guy. He sounds super annoying. :/

      • Obviously if you feel safety is an issue, choose a different strategy than confrontation. But I think you’re on the right track, figuring out ahead of time how to handle this troublesome interaction, and finding a good balance that’s right for you in this situation. All the solidarity!

    • I wholeheartedly agree with what has been said in the previous replies. You don’t owe this man anything. If anything, the warmth and kindness you grant him or any other stranger is an incredible gift.

      Think more about what is going to put you in the most comfortable position… less about what he thinks he deserves. You deserve to feel safe and secure and I agree that in this case it may be a brief hello. Also, do you have a colleague that could accompany you on your way to work? Is there an alternate route you could take? Without knowing any of the particulars I fear this advice may be silly, but these are the possibilities I would be considering. I hope everything works out!

  7. I used to be vegetarian for almost 3 years until like 6 years ago. Then I got really hungry at a party (had not eaten in 3 days) and a juicy barbacoa taco just ended up in my mouth.

    • I shame-ate a hot dog at A-Camp, secretly and behind a tree. There was a lot of thought that led up to that moment of weakness, but it all went downhill, officially, with that hot dog.

  8. Happy Friday, Kaelyn! I’m so glad you made that Mac n Cheese!

    Happy Friday, all you other toasted breadsticks!

    I drew a Happy Friday stick figure family walking a dog on the whiteboard in my office today because no one should ever really feel like a grown-up, not ever. They are enjoying the sun! I tried to upload a picture but it’s not working so la la la.

    Have lovely weekends!

          • #teamcarb

            Side note; I eat so many more carbs since becoming vegan; the low protein density sucks and I’m afraid I’ll get a gluten allergy if I start buying stuff like seitan (fake meat product made entirely from wheat gluten).

          • @rebcalle this is one thing that keeps me from eating vegan as often as I would like to. my GF started seeing a nutritionist in September and we cut our carbs waaay back.

            I didn’t think I ate *a lot* of carbs, but after reading a book on marathon training nutrition I noticed the suggested menus for “carb loading” for runners were way less than I was eating on an average, sedentary day.

            The nice thing is, we don’t count total carbs, just limit the main starches like bread/rice/potatoes to a certain quantity per meal. And it has done WONDERS for my energy. I don’t get the mid-afternoon meltdown I used to have every day.

            But when I look for vegan recipes it’s almost always carbs + carbs.

            That said, my favorite carb is either really good fresh pasta or this one particular sliced bread my baker makes with rye and seeds. NOM NOM NOM

          • I’m so turning into a Sourdough evangelist

            “Have you accepted sourdough into your life?”

      • Yes let’s all be our favorite toasted carbs, that sounds like a lovely party to go to in our brains

        • I love that the comment right underneath yours is Rachel’s “that party sounds great!”

          MTE Rachel, M.T.E.

          • @amidola I feel like this is true for a lot of us. I was the least cool person at my high school, people used to mock me or ignore me or spit on me

            LOOK AT ME NOW bitches I’m so cool

          • Lol!

            The real world is the reverse of high school. The people who follow their arrows are the cool ones, the freaks are the ones worth knowing (and everyone’s a freak once you get to know them :-D)

          • @Chloe I will happily reversetime punch everyone right in their face who ever spit on you!

            I wish shows like “Saved by the Bell” etc. would have come with a warning like “Relax.We’re just portraying high school as the best time of your life for artistic reasons.It really gets So.Much.Better from here on out.Stay chill.”
            Glad to have gotten to know the craziest and loveliest and best people post-highschool so far!
            You guys may count yourselves among that number,btw., seeing as we’re having a virtal bread party on a Friday night, after all.

  9. That party sounds great! I’m actually reading Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland right now, with my kid sister. One of the only perks of these past couple months at my parents’. But that will be coming to an end on Monday, as I’m moving! Yay! Maybe the only good thing about being dumped by the person who owned your house is the lack of physical stuff I had to move, first to my family’s house, and now to the new place.

    In other news I’m starting to develop some Great Big Plans for the rest of the year. Everything is going to be ok!

    I hope the t-rex enjoyed your mac and cheese!

    • Here’s to you Great Big Plans! It’s the perfect season for growth and rebirth and all that jazz. I wish you the best!

      T. Rex did not have a strong reaction to the mac and cheese. It really likes breakfast, in general.

  10. April has been hell! And it snowed three times this week! But it’s almost over! (The month, anyway; I refuse to think any more about the snow.) My relationship has started to resemble a relationship again and the tension in my body is starting to go away but I’m uncertain how I feel about the future now. On Sunday I got a message out of the blue from a good friend that he’d be in town this week and we met up yesterday and it was exactly what I needed. I’m finally starting to move forward with some things and I am going away for a week in nine days and can’t wait. And my baby plants are starting to grow! I have two kinds of tomato, peppers, eggplant, green onions and arugula.

    KaeLyn, I’m also curious about your move from veganism, are you vegetarian now or do you eat meat? What prompted it? I was vegan for a couple years but started compromising on eggs and cheese when moving in with my girlfriend and I don’t really have any desire to be a meat eater again after 13 years not eating it, but sometimes I worry about pregnancy/future kids/my B12 always being low whatever supplements/B12-added products I consume?

    • Happy for you that the cold weather seems to have passed (hopefully) and your plants are sprouting and life is starting to feel good again.

      I went into great detail about my transition back to meat after the first comment on this thread, above, but the short answer is that it no longer fit my life and my values. It had nothing to do with health. I was getting plenty of vitamins (other than D, but that’s more about the weather where I live than anything else). And you can have a totally healthy pregnancy as a vegetarian or vegan! I wouldn’t worry about it!

  11. Happy Friday everyone! I finished my last exam halfway through this week so it’s summer break at last! AND I got hired for the requisite summer queer barista position in a hipster cafe this very morning. Now that I’m no longer panicking about running out of cat food money this summer I’m trying to actually RELAX only to find that I’m not actually capable of this anymore?! Send help.

    Congratulations on your first cheese sauce! That recipe looks amazing! Fun fact: the first time I attempted a cheese sauce I was 12 and thought that adding grated cheese to a pot of boiling water was a foolproof plan. I’m glad your cooking adventure was not nearly as doomed as mine!

    • I suggest a Netflix binge and a hot cup of tea. Or picking up a passion project you’ve been putting off like writing every day or learning to crochet or something. Starting a really great fiction book usually calms me down when I’m feeling like I can’t calm down, too!

      Laughing out loud at your watery cheese situation.

  12. Now I want mac & cheese. Omnomnom.

    I’m going on a second (!) date this weekend. ZOMG. That is an unprecedented event.

    The Tony Award (the Oscars of Broadway) nominations are announced next Tuesday. ZOMG.

    I’m still looking for a full-time job, in case anyone in NYC is hiring. I’m awesome and bring snacks. I’m thinking of trying a temp agency for a temp-to-perm situation. Anyone have experience with that?

    I’m hungry, and my lunch break is soon. I wonder what I’ll eat. Suggestions?

    • Hope a third date is coming soon!

      I can’t wait for the Tony’s this year. So many good shows! Speaking of, have you seen American Psycho yet? It’s on my must-see list for this season. I’ve heard good things!

      I’m going to eat a tofurkey sandwich and a handful of trail mix and a clementine for my lunch, if that’s at all helpful.

    • I super super recommend temp-to-perm. It’s such a good way to find out about each other! Every place I temped at wanted me to go permanent afterwards. This is especially great if you feel that you work better than you interview, or you want to work in a different environment than what is on your resume. Good luck whatever you choose!!

  13. That mac and cheese sounds delicious!

    My weekend plans for the last several weeks have been so boring. Homework…maybe some sleep. More homework. It’s crunch time, and being a full-time grad student advisor while ALSO being in grad school is double the pain. There are thunderstorms coming, which is great, because it will keep me from being tempted to go outside and neglect my writing. ?

    • Yeah, I feel you. I should be grading reflection papers this weekend, but I’m being irresponsible instead. OH WELL. Doing grad school and working is hard. I remember those days. Good luck with finals! I hope you have a super productive weekend!

    • Yes grad school is hard but totally worth it. I did it while working full time AND being a single mom and I’m so glad it’s over forever ? I think you live not to far from me in fact. If you ever need advice on writing on obscure topics I’m happy to give advice?

  14. I think Waffle and I have the same reaction to makeup. Other than trying to use my mother’s lipstick as face paint as a child, I really have no idea how it works. And I’m kind of afraid of it, especially where eyes are concerned. And I’m not good at keeping my hands away from my face so it’s just asking for a disaster.

    As for my life-things…

    I started physical therapy for my busted knee, which has been pretty good! I’ve never been active enough to seriously injure myself before, so this is new. But I’m working a whole bunch of muscles and even in a week, stairs are noticeably easier. And my PT is great and also, magically, has the exact same birthday as me (as in, we’re literally hours apart in age). Fate or fate? Kidding, I don’t believe in fate, but it’s pretty cool.

    Editing my novel continues at a snail’s pace. I got pretty sick the week before this so I did nothing but lie around on the couch and have mystifying symptoms that then cleared up on their own as soon as my insurance finally, FINALLY approved the tests my doctors wanted.

    My fiancee and I are going to look at sofas this weekend and I’m really excited. We’ve been using a futon we took from her mother that is both falling apart and the least comfortable thing I’ve ever sat on. For someone who has been injured and thus spending a lot of time planted in front of the TV with the PS4, it has been a nightmare. My butt is looking forward to some actual cushions.

    • Ooh, sofa shopping! I hope you find the perfect comfy couch. Hope you, your butt, and your knee are feeling better soon.


    A friend of mine kept insisting that (her) Target had a great plus-size section, so I went to browse and was like nope, still three badly-lit racks in a weird corner of the store with weird sack clothing.

    But then, but then! I needed some boxer briefs to wear under dresses so I wandered over to the men’s section for the first time ever.

    You guys! Did you know that men with my buddha belly aren’t relegated to a tiny corner of the store?

    Did you know that chubby dudes not only have their clothes mixed in with all the other clothes, but they are THE SAME AS ALL THE OTHER CLOTHES?

    Like I found a table of awesome t-shirts. Every t-shirt went up to at least 2x. In the same section. I bought three!

    So basically, a) this is a problem, Target, so deal with your shit;

    b) no wonder so many dudes are more comfortable being round, when their clothes aren’t separated and cast in shame, and

    c) when I go to Target, I’m only shopping in the men’s section from here on in.

    • Yay I’m so proud of you

      Shopping at the men’s section is also my next plan, if I gather up the courage

      Does anyone have experience with men’s trousers ? I have huge calves and thighs and broad hips. Women’s trousers these days are all narrow legged (smh) and I can’t find anything that fits … Are men’s trousers fitting ? I imagine they would be quite narrow at the hips ?

      • Yeah in general, I tend to find men’s pants a little unforgiving around the middle, not taking my hips into account, but it’s at least worth trying on! :-)

        And I was a bit nervous honestly, I felt weird but I had had a beer for courage, lol

        • Omg I never thought about beer before shopping, genius idea!

          I find that men’s tees are cuter as well. And also let’s face it I wanna explore more masculine of center clothing. I’m definitely barely wearing dresses as it is, feeling 100% comfortable in clothes, and have forgotten all the cutesy feminine shirts I own. So. SHOPPING TIME.

          • just go for it! i definitely felt weird and nervous about shopping in the mens (and little boys…) section initially, and i still do sometimes, but i’m moving rapidly into roll my eyes at anyone who acts weird about it territory. sometimes it kind of makes me laugh how weird and insecure men can act if they see a woman looking at the same clothes as them.

          • The added bonus to shopping in the men’s dept is that even cut price menswear, is somewhat better made than comparable women’s clothes and medium priced clothes are much better made ( men expect and get better quality it seems). You may have to do alterations or mix and match with some womenswear to accommodate your body shape but if you like gender neutral and or taylored stuff, you’ve found a good home.

      • Hey there leg and hip friend! Until I decided to embrace the skinny jean I was all about shopping mens trousers. In fact gap men’s trousers fit me better than their women’s section so there ya go, be brave and embrace it. I’m a 40 hip and I used to generally wear a 36/30 in most straight leg men’s jeans, but as with women’s these sizes tend to shift depending on style and where you shop-at least in the uk. Defy the clothing store binary!

    • I bought men’s shoes once at the one store in town where the salespeople actually pay attention to you. It was a bit awkward but I got shoes that fit my wide-ass feet which was worth it.

      But your point is something I hadn’t thought about. Why do women get divided into + size and “regular” while men are just like “here are sizes s-XXXL, have at it fellas!” UGGH PATRIARCHY!

      • Lol I’m a size 46 and i’ve been buying men’s shoes since I was 14. I never actually paid attention to how I was treated as a result . BUt it’s a very good point ! Why should buying men’s trousers bother me when I’ve been buying men’s shoes all this time ?

      • Yeah, think about it, how often do we hear about a “plus sized men’s section” ?

        There are Big and Tall stores/catalogs for guys who can’t do the (already way more extended than women’s) sizing in the regular stores, but if anything, those adjectives celebrate size.

    • The awesome thing about men’s pants is the sizing uses independent measurements of inseam and waist. So like, women’s pants, if you need different proportions, you have to try a different brand. Men’s pants, you can have a 40Wx20L and a 20Wx40L in each and every pants style, for the most part. It’s actually logical!

      There are a few women’s pants brands that do this, but it’s the default for men’s (none of this ‘size 8’ nonsense for men’s pants).

  16. This past Wednesday, I finally passed the practical skills final of an EMT course I had to take twice because I failed a skill the first time. IT FELT AMAZING. I can’t believe that I know how to help people now? I’ll be scheduling my national registry exam in the next few weeks, and when I pass it, I’ll be a certified EMT by the time I get to camp! I’m like, so stupidly excited about that. Also I’m falling in love with one of my coworkers who I’ve worked with for three years but just started going on dates with a month ago. On our first official date, we stood outside on a rooftop bar in LA, looking out over the city while it was sprinkling lightly on us, and she let me tell her all of the things I’m afraid of about falling for someone again, and about dating someone for the first time as a man, now that I’ve been on testosterone the whole 2.5 years that I’ve been single. She kissed me and it tasted like whiskey and chapstick. She folded her head into my neck and I sighed out of excitement and fear, but also comfort, because I think I knew in that moment that falling for her was going to be just as easy as I was afraid it would be. So half of me feels like I’m finally growing up, and the other half feels like a teenager who can’t stop giving this girl his sweaters or letting her sleep in his shirts. We have such great morning-afters together that I actually can’t believe it. Life is abundant.

      • Omg your reply just made me teary-eyed even though I don’t know you either. But I feel like I do now because we’ve shared this moment together! Thank you for being proud of me, it means so much! :’)

    • @crookedriver Congratulations!! If you paid attention in class and read your textbook you should do great on the nremt. Are you using anything else to study?

      And I totally get your excitement–though some jaded folks would deny it, you can’t be in EMS without being at least a /bit/ of a whacker.

      And congrats on the kiss and the everything else as well!

  17. So today the regional government decided not to give the local LGBT film festival the 5000E grant they have received for years because the LGBT center held a discussion about surrogate mothers. They argued that because it is illegal to use surrogates in France, they won’t give a grant to an organization that promotes illegal activities. RIIIIIGGHHHT.

    I am suddenly very determined to go to CinéPride this year and care a lot more about surrogate rights than I ever expected.

    Chill Friday night otherwise. Drank a tiny bottle of whiskey I brought back from Ireland and writing emails to old friends.

    • Uuugh I hate this. Spill, good sis: which local government ?

      I read about a bunch of municipalities also censoring “La sociologue et l’ourson”.

    • Oh wow. People can’t even TALK about surrogacy without being penalized by a funding withdrawal? That is hardcore.

      • The LGBT center made the point that using this logic, they couldn’t hold a public discussion of rape because it is illegal.

        I don’t expect much of the right (or current “left” for that matter), but seeing them pat themselves on the back for censorship this blatant is still horrifying.

    • But seriously this is showing a part of the bigger problem with the discourse that Hollande is trying to construct in preparation of 2017. Trying to frame the last 5 years as having won this huge battle to legalise gay marriage, when he only really fulfilled gay men’s wishes, and threw trans people and lesbians under the bus.

      • Even gay men got sort of screwed when they gave up on both the PMA and GPA. They didn’t try hard enough on either and I felt like Hollande really tried to stand back and leave it all on Taubira’s shoulders.

        I cried/clapped/bought the book when she left the government.

        I’m generally just disgusted with the state of the government right now. Valls is a neo-con somehow labeled a socialist and the police response to recent protests has been atrocious. A student in Rennes lost an eye yesterday after he got shot in the face with a flashball. Plain clothes police officers threw tear gaz directly under my feet even though there were no troublemakers for at least 500m. I realized after the fact that had I kicked the can back at them, as I almost did thinking they were punks throwing smoke bombs, I could have been arrested. UGGH

        SO while this is horrible, I don’t have much faith left to lose at the moment.

  18. Happy Friday!

    KaeLyn, I have tripped circuit breaks quite a few times in my apartment, though I really wonder how much of that is due to me, and how much is due to really old wiring. Maybe that happened at your office too! I’m afraid I can’t really give any good cooking advice. Everything I make tends to be super simple, I have to follow recipes by the letter, and sometimes stuff still turns out badly and I go and just make a sandwich instead.

    It’s really hot here! I think we’re due for record heat. I much prefer that to the cold, personally.

    This weekend I am going on a date to the Strawberry Festival that is someplace an hour drive from here. At least, I think it’s that far. Thankfully, I don’t have to drive there! I’m thinking it’ll be loads of fun, and I’ll get to pick and eat lots of strawberries (hopefully the latter, lots).

    I don’t really have any dance jams, because I look silly while dancing. And when I hear dance songs that I like, I always forget to look them up to save the names (whoops!). I had oatmeal and a banana for breakfast, so that’s reasonably fiber-filled, I think! I have not seen “Lemonade.” I am trying to stay hydrated, especially when I work out. I haven’t really read any books lately (I was never too much into reading…), but I did hear that the local sports team had an average to excellent showing in their recent sport event and that at least some fans enjoyed themselves at said event! =)

    • The Strawberry Festival! That sounds really quaint and fun and delicious!

      Good job on a fiber-packed breakfast! Gold star!

  19. Hello, all you lovely people!

    I only have one thing to say this week; I never knew what real struggle was until I tried to replace my toilet seat. That shit (pun intended?) was way more difficult than it should have been.

      • Just the toilet seat. My old one was broken and sitting on it was an exciting adventure. The seat would slide around and take me for a ride!

        I watched many a youtube video about how to replace your toilet seat, yet none of them had the same hinges that mine had. Madness! I pulled on those things so hard I thought I was going to pull the whole toilet off the floor.

        So then of course my partner had no problem replacing that evil seat the next day when she was off work. I’ll still take the credit for “loosening” it for her! :)

        • So after looking at my toilet seat And looking over your comment, I decided to try taking mine off. After an hour of pulling, one of the hinges opened to reveal a screw. I did not know hinges had flaps to hide the screw. I took the seat off and got caught by my fiancée lol. Now she thinks I have too much time on my hands and I can’t find one of the screws. ?

          • You decided to change your toilet seat too!? We’re like toilet seat removing kindred spirits! I feel both proud and sorry for the fact that you struggled nearly as much as I did.

            …I do hope that you bought a new one to replace it before removing it?

  20. KaeLyn, just wanted to say… thank you for your continued vulnerability here on Autostraddle Dot Com! It is very inspiring. Sending well wishes to you and Waffle :D

    I bought a new kite this week and am very excited to fly it for the first time! The weather where I am is beautiful. There are these crazy beautiful wildflowers that are springing up in the park near my apartment and during my morning dog walking I assembled a wildflower bouquet! Also, the tomato and pepper plants I have been growing are really thriving. Every day I tell them they are beautiful, which I think is the scientifically proven method to a successful garden…? Right?

    Baby tomatoes!

    Wild flowers <3

    Also, my dog Charlie wants to wish all of you beautiful wild flowers well!


    • Your tomatoes are so beautiful! Mine are much tinier, except for the crazy giant tomato plant that I never took outside last summer and kept growing occasional teeny tomatoes through the winter indoors.I give my plants encouraging words sometimes, but mostly I just let my cat purr at them, which is also a scientifically proven method.

    • What is your dog?
      They kinda look like my fosterling is why I’m asking.
      She clearly part chihuahua but has the brass gonads of some kind of terrier.
      Makes training her to come inside and not barking/hounding critters outside difficult. If she wasn’t food motivated I’d never be able get her inside without carrying her away.
      I call her Tiny Steve “I Can Do This All Day” Rogers sometimes.
      Terrier tenacity.

      • I got him from the animal shelter, but my best guess is chihuahua and a Jack Russell terrier. He is wild as well. He views an open apartment door as an invitation to roam freely.

        He has gotten a lot better since I adopted him in November though! It has taken a lot of time and a decent amount of patience! Haha

        • It’s not a wildness to me with her, it’s boldness.
          He does have a tricolor situation like a Jack Russell, handsome little fella.
          My fosterling has similar facial morphology, ears and eyes but the rest of her looks like someone supersized a chihuahua.

          One other question, is he a snuggle bug?
          Because that is a chihuahua personality trait and it their bestest most cute trait.

          • Now that you mention it, boldness is a more fitting description!

            And yes, once he is over his initial excitement about life he will snuggle for hours! His favorite spot in bed is squished between my girlfriend and I. Ha!

            What about your little fosterling?

    • I’m so impressed by your green thumb! I usually grow some potted herbs in the summer, but it’s not quite warm enough to get started.

      Charlie is a perfect peach pie!

  21. I’m working tomorrow, but Sunday going to a children’s birthday party that is Hawaii themed. Have to go, but I’d rather be in nature. Then again maybe there will be good food, and of course island drinks.

    Is anyone else kind of addicted to the new events feature on FB? Generally not a fan of Facebook, but they updated the events section, & it’s way easier to find events. LA has a lot going on, but, the queer events posted sound interesting/fun, and is more diverse than the typical West Hollywood events. Even found a club that has transgender karaoke(what I was told via FB message) every Wednesday, and on Saturdays it’s queer lady karaoke+go-go night. Even found a bi-monthly queer glitter party(and it wasn’t mostly dudes from the pictures). It maybe worth a look to see what your or nearby area offers.

    In other news, anyone have suggestions on a black suite or tux that is gender-neutral, or maybe even leaning a bit on the femme side? I did a search, but most of the stuff I found were sadly for afab folks. I’m going to a wedding of a close relative next month so I need something dapper and newer.

    This was put up across the street from my store late Friday, and was painted over by Tuesday.

    Thank you for reading and viewing my posts. Have a positive weekend!

    • Shoot should have double checked my own link, can someone correct this for me please? The correct image link

    • Hmm, I don’t have a tux rec for an off-the-rack look. If you have the cash for it, a custom suit could be your dream! Sharpe Suiting specializes in suits undefined by gender and they’re in LA! I’ve never bought anything there, but I know a good handful of queer folks who swear by them and have had wonderful experiences!

      There are worse things than a birthday party with fruity drinks, even if it’s for a small person. I hope you get to drink something out of a coconut!

      • Yes I noticed that place before as it is down the street from my store. I will have (he cry them out, thank you.

  22. Oh I almost forgot that stuff did happen to me this week.

    1. I had a MAJOR fight with my father about rape. Long story short, things ended with tears and me wishing ass rape upon him. Still kind of difficult to talk about that argument.

    2. I found my desire to paint again and just be artistic in general. So I checked to see if I still had my trusty paints and my acrylics are all dried out. :(

    3. I got my diagnosis for my ADHD test too. Turns out I have combined type ADHD. I always figured I had ADD because I was always inattentive, but I didn’t know I was impulsive/ hyperactive. The plus side is that I now have suggestions on how to handle it. Now I just need to see how I can get some medication.

    4. Spanky (the gecko I befriended outside my apartment) is dead. I found him crushed outside my neighbor’s apartment door. You will be missed Spanky.

    Yeah I think that’s it. Bitter sweet week. Honestly, though, I fucking hate this week despite smiling at work, school and home the whole time. Looks like I need a vacation.

    • Oh, wow, that’s a lot of stuff for one week.

      RIP Spanky. I had a porch spider last year that I named Stevie and I was actually kind of sad when he went away (and probably died).

      Now that you know what’s up with you, hopefully you can figure out how to manage it!

      I hope you find a few bucks for some new paints and brushes soon. You deserve it!

      <3 <3

  23. One of my former coworkers is in a band and they’re having a concert this very moment, and that’s where I ought to be at,with a lot of people I really like, but I’m feeling like a piece of old, soggy toast right now,so I’m happy to be hanging out here if it means that I don’t have to leave this couch anytime soon.
    So,yes, it’s been exactly three months that I’ve started to work again and I’m back to saying “Tired” every single time someone asks me how I am.
    However, I’m having plans for having friends over tomorrow and I’m planning a spaghetti/prosciutto/green asparagus/pecorino/balsamico situation, so yay for that!
    Afterwards we’re probably going (if we’re not too tired, ha!) to Gayhane, a homooriental party, which means a lot of fantastic Arabian and Turkish remixed music, great atmosphere, pretty Ladies and Gents and cheap drinks.
    Only problem is, that tomorrow is the night before the 1st of May and that party is in the very epicenter of the 1st of May riots in Berlin, so, uh, wish me luck?
    Still one of my favorite places and parties to which I haven’t been in forever and I’m going to try to be as open as possible to new uh, acquaintances.
    Yes, I am.
    I’m going to totally pony up, and try to not be scared as a rabbit whenever I find someone interesting.
    Because I need to at least try to engage on *that* level more.
    Remember how I rotated to a new department a while back?
    It’s a clinic with a wide mixture of patients, not just Cardiologic ones, and these days,I suddenly find myself in the middle of a lot of Oncology.
    This means a very different kind of..atmosphere.
    Where Cardiology is full of quick and intense drama, life saving (if you’re lucky)and losing and lots and lots of patients passing through, I’ve been having a very different few weeks lately.
    Oncology is like being the keeper of time (and I cannot help thinking about that rabbit with the clock, thanks for all the Alice imagery there, Kaelyn).
    It’s like stubbornly fighting the finger of a stopwatch, of being there during the “start”, and the “stop”, too.
    Oncology keeps its own time, and everyone in it, exists in a world separate from the outside, regular kept one of others, who are not aware of the ticking of their own timepieces.
    What it does, mostly, is that it makes you aware of your own life.
    At least it made me uncomfortably aware of mine.
    Of my lonely, self sufficient, survivable, albeit unhappy one.
    And while I celebrate being single, it’s been too long to be bitter and angry and scared of love and lovers because of a few crappy ones.
    So, I’ve resolved to at least look at other women more and at least start dealing with my crazy phobia of potential love/sex interests.
    Sometimes I wonder if this site is just very sex positive and empowering, or whether I’m the only freaky girl who feels that dating and physicality are minefields instead of fun, noncommittal seas of daffodils.

    • Amidola this is great <3. I've had similar feelings this week (about stepping out of your comfort zone).

      We deserve happiness, but I don't think we'll get it if we can find that bit of courage in our hearts !

    • Yes to saying, “Yes” to your own happiness and exploration. You really do deserve it!

      Your job must be so interesting and also so sobering. Gosh, life really is short.

      I promise you are not the only one with phobias and hang-ups about dating and sex. I’m pretty sure that’s most of us. I taught sex ed for years and I still have weird feelings and issues around sex. The few folks who don’t are the unusual (and lucky?) ones! Be brave!

    • Sending good thoughts. Hoping you work your way towards eventually finding a nice amaryllis. Or tulip. Or… bee balm?

  24. I want some mac & cheese now :U Oooog. But i dont want to make it, bc there’s a ton of dirty dishes & i have a lot to try & do today & i’m still so so tired, even though i woke up & went back to sleep & everything.

    I’m going to the annual May Day Faerie Fest up by Glen Rock, PA. This is maybe my 11th year going, but i’m not able to go today, so it’s the first time in a few years that im not going all 3 days. Because i couldn’t get any help to get up there from the so-called ~~*tribe*~~– who barely deigns to talk to me throughout the year, & definitely doesn’t hang out with me. But, oh, all of a sudden, bc it’s fest weekend, i’m a part of the ~~~~~tribe~~~~~. You act like i barely exist the rest of the year & now you’re trying to pretend you care. Uh huh. After extending no help to get up to the fest– not even a “i’m sorry, i can’t”– much less support with everything i’ve been going through this year. You shit on me for being “too negative” & act like i should pretend everything is sunshine & roses on my Facebook, bc heaven FORBID i actually finally admit the shit im dealing with, right?

    Like, over time i’m seeing just how hypocritical & fair weather these people are, & that, along with everything that’s been going on this year, has really dampened my enthusiasm for the festival this year, to the point that it’s nonexistent. Like, if i didn’t think i’d regret not going, i would just not go. I don’t want to dance, i don’t want to smile & pretend to be happy, & pretend to be glad to see certain people. People who, when i text them & message them, trying to start a conversation or hang out bc i say “hey, i miss you,” flat-out ignore me. And then make me feel like a burden the rare times they do deign to help me out, which is usually only once a year.

    I’m just really sick of the bullshit of “love & light!!!!111111!!!!111” hippie types, because they’re so hypocritical & judgemental if you don’t basically act like they do. I’m tired of trying to connect & communicate with people who don’t reply to me. Like, if you have time to spend with your boyfriend du jour, you’d have time to at least reply to my “hey i miss you” message.

    Sorry, i guess i’m ~~too negative~~ lmFAO. Pass me the mac & cheese pls. I’m just tired of fake people who will smile to your face & claim you as ~~~tribe~~~ once a year, but the rest of the time they don’t give a shit about you. Even “found family” is bullshit lmao.

    (i actually edited out a lot i wanted to say bc im worried ppl will be like “you’re too negative & mean”)
    end ranting

    This week has been blah; Tuesday was terrible & i had to wait over an hour for a bus & ended up getting sunburned. I was in pain bc of my shoes (which have been comfortable in the past, so– ???????) & drained & upset & irritated & i nearly cried in public numerous times, & i ended up having to call a friend & ask him to take me home bc i was waiting for the wrong bus, & missed the correct one. I’ve been trying to work on making things but i’m so worn out from it; i’m so sick of it & can’t wait for this horrible venture to be over. And my dog has an ear infection; his ear is full of gunk & he’s shaking his head a lot & scratching & the ear smells sour. I’m hoping this OTC ear flush the vet suggested works to calm his ear down bc it makes me so sad, especially when it looks like he’s not using his affected ear as much, so it’s a little limp, as if it’s hurting him. And THAT has made me nearly cry.

    A good thing is that i’ve been offered a job interview at a place i sent a resume to in January. It’s an art supply store that i’ve been going to since 2003 & i just really need a job so i hope i get this one. Even though i’ll need time off almost immediately because of the event i’m vending at next month.

    Oh, & i did this this week:

    A photo posted by Caitlin Harris (@lossen_) on Apr 28, 2016 at 9:01pm PDT

    (if the embed script doesnt work, here’s the link)

    It’s based off of this song

    And i really really want mac & cheese

    • Hi <3 just wanted to say your feelings are 100% valid and even IF you're negative, you're entitled to be and deserve to have those feelings respected ! I'm sorry you couldn't find anybody supportive enough at this festival. Hope this year changes that !

    • Your feelings are real, babe. About friends and life and also about mac and cheese. They make this Kraft mac and cheese stuff that comes in a box, you know. I ate it a lot when I was a kid and you only need one pot and a couple ingredients to make it. Really, you can make it with water, even, if you’re feeling lazy. Highly recommend.


      Also, there are better friends out there by which I mean actual friends who respond to texts / feelings. I hope you find some soon. I was just reading on AS this week about how part of getting what you want in friendships (all ‘ships, really) is making space for it in your life, and sometimes that means being lonely instead of settling for ‘ships that are on hand but aren’t what you’re looking for. It helped me a bit to decide to end a friendship :////// but I think it’s the right decision.

      Anyway, GOOD LUCK JOB VIBES!!!!

  25. This week, a cute girl that works at Food Lion told me my hair looked awesome. But she also called me “man”. MIXED BAG.

    • any chance she meant “man” in a gender neutral sense? i forget sometimes that not everyone thinks “dude” is gender neutral.

      either way, hooray for awesome hair!

      • Nah, I’m trans and not particularly femme (for now) so I definitely still read as a man to like everyone. Except occasionally really old people and sometimes young children.

        But I’m not letting it bother me too much! Thinking about overhauling my entire wardrobe soon.

        • good luck with the wardrobe overhaul! i only just started really paying attention to my own sense of style vs what others told me looked good on me a few years ago, so i’ve been slowly working on a wardrobe overhaul myself (though it’s complicated by not knowing exactly how it is i want to look).

          • Can I join the wardrobe overhaul party ? :D

            I wish I could find a queer shopping assistant. I know what I like on other people but I don’t know whether it looks good on me :/

          • Thanks, cb! And yeah, I’ve been paying attention to style a bit more lately trying to figure out exactly what suits me.

            And yes, Chloe! A queer shopping assistant is exactly what I need! I see so many things that I think look amazing on other people, but I feel like they’d look ridiculous on me. And I don’t want to start wearing dresses or anything, but I want to add some things to my wardrobe that at least don’t scream, “straight dude!” Just a touch of femme, I guess.

            The funny thing is, if I was a cis girl, I’d probably chop most of my hair off and be fine wearing t-shirts and jeans most of the time.

  26. Alice in Woooooooooonderland! I was obsessed with that stuff in high school. But like, weird Victorian wonderland not Disney, but also whatevs. Also, does anybody else remember that TV Alice in Wonderland where Whoopi Goldberg was the Cheshire Cat? It was sort of awesome, in my memory.

    My week was super busy but good! So much working lately!

    I’ve been mostly feeling pretty good because my babe and I have had a few hard months for a few different reasons, and we have really turned a corner in our capacity to have conflict but not go off the rails- though like, our off the rails is just both of us crying and having hurt feelings, which is not as off-the-rails as it can be sometimes, but we’re both doing a lot better at taking shit less personally/communicating effectively/making requests in ways that are fairly de-escalated, that kinda thing. It’s good! I really like getting into a flow that helps my relationship quality of life!

    I have been a busy tired kitty cat, but I’ve been trying a little harder to schedule with friends, and that has been really sweet.

    I just had therapy and I haven’t totally integrated my sense of what happened, but I think it went well? I have some tea and have some more work to do and then we’re meeting with a financial advisor (so that we can be like house? baby? student loans? idk?) and then have a flurry of cleaning and cooking to have friends over. I’m making this, because passover and observant friends:

    though I have to fuck with translating between metric and American, but I was happy to find out I could use certain leavening agents as long as I didn’t use flour.

    I wrote a thing!

    and I hope you all have a very lovely weekend.

    • Glad you’re finding time for friends and your partner in between everything else. It definitely helps!

      The first time I sat down with a financial advisor, it was pretty weird. Like, is this what adults do? I don’t know. Also, I don’t have that much money to be “advised” on… But it’s good to feel like you have a plan! I hope it’s helpful for you, too!

      Knowing the types of parties this place usually throws, I imagine it will be weird, surrealist Alice, definitely not Disney. Though I did enjoy the Disney cartoon as a kiddo. Have you ever played American McGee’s Alice game? I haven’t, but I’ve heard it’s really dark. Might be your thing?

  27. Hi everyone! Pretty new around these parts but I’m coming to A-Camp in a month all the way from England thanks to a lovely campership sponsor. I can’t wait to meet all you lovely people! But I must admit I’m super nervous about pretty much everything. Travelling alone on my first trip to the US, making friends at camp/social anxiety, being a trans lady there, packing and most definitely the TSA.

    But I am so very pumped for the few days away from everything crappy

    • YAY CAMP! I am super nervous about camp too. I am constantly worried about making friends in new situations, and especially situations where I feel like I *should* be connecting to people because of shared interests/community/etc. I can get super shy or reserved when I don’t know people.

      I’ll look forward to meeting you!

  28. Just decided to come out of the woodwork and stop lurking, so I bit the bullet and got an account. I guess I’m a little late to the party.

    Anyhow, I decided what college I’m going to go to, so I can finally stop stressing about that. Just in time for more stress in the form of finals week. Oh well. But the college I decided on seems really interesting. They are going to have a LGBT themed floor in one of the dorms next semester, that I am going to try to get into.

    On a completely different note, I found pants that actually fit me in the men’s section at goodwill. Which is pretty much a once every million years occurrence. I think I’m going to have to convince my Mom to let me use her amazon account for clothes shopping.

    • Welcome to the sunshine, Maren! I’m so glad you de-lurked! What college did you decide on? That’s a huge decision and super exciting! Yay for college and LGBT floors and affordable pants that make you feel awesome! Thanks for sharing with us!

      • Its a branch of the university of Maine system, University of Maine at Farmington. It is part of the university system, but based on a small liberal arts school model, so it has a lot of interesting programs and opportunities while having a lot of students from very economically diverse backgrounds.

    • @maren Goodwill paaaants. All my favorite jeans have been thrifted. And men’s, natch. I mean, the pockets, am I right?

      And I also want to hear about this super cool college! Glad you have that decided; I’m sure it’s a big relief.

      • Pockets. Yes, so much. Most women’s pants rank right up there with public restrooms on the “things that make me uncomfortable scale”.

        But yeah, it feels so good to not have the college decision hanging over my head now. The college I ended up choosing is a branch of the university of Maine system, but its based on a liberal arts school model, so its a very interesting environment.

  29. I just worked 3 pictures of Yorkies into a 15 slide powerpoint so I’d say my Friday is going OK. I am currently wearing new light denim jeans and i can’t tell if I am secretly a 90s mom or secretly in California.

    Back in reality, I am childless and in Chicago, which is maybe the opposite of California?? Is that true? Does anyone have an opinion on what the opposite of California is? Is it Chicago? I think it might be Chicago. We have alleys here. And Malort.

    In other news, I spilled my coffee and everyone made fun of me. Also there are WAY FEWER Es in “secretly” than I initially assumed, and I still have not seen Lemonade. Because sometimes I am terrible. My thirst insta is getting some attention though, so at least there’s that.

    • As a Californian, I would say the parts of Florida that isn’t Miami or the Keys(seriously was surprised when I saw ad to honeymoon in the Keys in a lesbian publication). That would be the opposite. They have nice coast, but it’s filled with republican supporting southerners, and so do we(our republicans are more well off though). We both have Disney parks, but only the Land has LGBTQ days.

      Weather wise it maybe Chicago(at least vs central and southern California), or really anywhere near there.

    • I always think of NY as the opposite of CA, geographically. I don’t know. That may or not make any sense, now that I’m actually ruminating on it. I hope your PPT is about yorkies. I’d be into it if you wanted to throw it up on slideshare or whatever. Yorkies!

  30. I started the 100 pushups program again today. The soreness came on right after I finished the last set. It’ll be nice to work on upper body strength again. I had to stop working out last summer when I injured my arm.

    • My elbow joint can’t take push-ups, but I’m hoping if I keep after my life-time goal of being able to do a pull-up, eventually I will be able to do push-ups too. So far I do assisted pull-ups (bands) and that seems to alleviate joint pain. How long does your program last? Do you do any other stuff for upper body strength training? I do planks; I think that helps.

  31. First Friday open thread so I’m a bit new to this…. Tomorrow I hopefully get to see my friend that I came out to and she came out back to me, as a lesbian, so finally I have someone to complain about heteronormativity to! I saw my friend today also that I hadn’t seen in awhile because she is going through a lot of stress and it was nice. Her dad passed away last October and she seem to be doing better… I don’t know though… She’s always stressed and doesn’t get out a lot. Is this normal? Is there anything I should be doing/ what can I do to help?
    I missed her a lot because I don’t have any other close friends around… I couldn’t psych myself up to come out to her, again, so now I’m here so I can escape to a world with some gay :) I’m a bit new to the coming out thing too since I’m kinda shy and insecure… ALSO I found out yesterday that Tegan and Sara are going on tour (in the fall) so I’m hoping to get a ticket to that. And/or to a Halsey concert that’s coming up.
    Hope y’all have a good weekend!

    • Where are you seeing Tegan and Sara?? If it’s in Philly, I’ll be there! Either way it’ll be so great!

      (also, welcome to FOT!)

    • Welcome to FOT! HOW AWESOME that your friend also came out to you. I feel like that never happens and maybe your life is a romantic comedy now. Have you considered you might be living in a movie? Congrats on coming out!

      I think just being there for your other friend and saying, “I support you,” is a pretty powerful thing. It can mean a lot just to have someone listen to you and not try to “fix” you. At least, that’s what I want from friends when I reach out for support. You’re probably doing great being there for her already!

      Hope you get to go to the T&S show!

  32. I am getting my hair cut today. I don’t see the same person every time anymore so I’ve become better at describing how I want my hair. Which is good, because I had the same person cut my hair for so many years before I moved, and then when I had to find someone new I wasn’t even sure what to tell them. “Like this, only shorter” is not terribly helpful.

    I’ve also started cross stitch adventure 2016 and today I am going to finish the lettering on my first project.

    • I need to get a haircut soon. I’m so bad at explaining what I want, or even really knowing what I want, so good job haha!

    • Yes! My haircut is better than ever now that I know every detail of what I want. I remember when I first got it cut short, I had no idea how many small variations were possible–apparently “Just, like, a regular short haircut” is not an actual request.

      I’m sure yours is super cute!

  33. I’m actually a vegetarian right now (since 2013) and thinking of going vegan. I dunno yet though cause I really love cheese.
    I’ve been listening to Lemonade over and over since it came out it’s amazing.
    Also I’ve been thinking about my gender identity lately and it’s very confusing. Oh well I’ll figure it out eventually! I’ve known I wasn’t completely a girl for like two years already so who knows.

    • Lots of decisions! Going vegan from veg really isn’t that hard (says the lapsed vegan). Seriously, though, once you decide to do it, for the reasons that feel right for you, it’s not so bad. You eventually kind of forget what cheese even tastes like, which is good because most cheese substitutes do not taste like cheese. There are some delicious alternatives, though! It’s like when you eat a veggie burger. You have to enjoy it for being a veggie burger. If you compare it to a meat burger, there’s no way it even comes close to the same taste or texture. Vegan cheeze is like that. There are some good ones out there (cashew, nutritional yeast), but it’s not going to taste like cheese. Good luck, whatever you decide!

      Also, I definitely agree you’ll figure out your gender stuff eventually. It’s great that you’re thinking about it! The world is your gender oyster!

    • I would like to add that the best pizza I ever had I had after going vegan

      It’s vegan
      It’s at Sizzlepie in Portland
      It has hash Browns and tofu and spicy peppers on it and cashew sauce and it’s fucking AMAZING

      • Vegan pizza is the best! I still prefer a cheeseless pizza, actually. You can actually taste the toppings!

        I also make a vegan french onion soup that my meat-eating relatives swear is better than regular french onion soup. I think I’m going to keep making it that way. The secret ingredient is liquid smoke!

  34. i’ve felt very boring lately. i’m trying to get my shit together, so lots of trying to clean my apartment and trying to be productive in therapy and trying to apply for jobs. one job i looked at wanted me to be fluent in spanish, and while i’m nowhere near that, it did inspire me to brush up on my spanish. anyone wanna be friends on duolingo? i could use a little friendly competition.

    about as much as i have planned for my weekend is that i was considering going to yoga tonight, but it’s all rainy and yuck outside which doesn’t really inspire me to leave the house. next week i’m pretty sure i’m going to see slothrust in concert which i’m pretty excited about, ’cause i don’t usually have access to concerts i’m interested in (i’m driving a couple hours for this one, but i don’t mind doing that every once in a while). i’m really banking on the idea of finding a job and moving faaaar away. i’m light on friends and fun things to do where i live now, and i’m so bored of it. (PLUS, i really want to be dating, and i really don’t want to be dating here.)

    • I wish I could speak another language fluently. Whatever part of me thought German was going to be a useful choice of language to study was very wrong. I’ve never wished I remembered my German in my work. I frequently wish I spoke Spanish.

      I don’t know who slothrust is, but I’m glad for you that you get to road trip to see them! Putting a wish into the universe that you get everything you want from life!

  35. Kaelyn – can I ask if you for any tips from navigating away from veganism? I’ve been vegetarian for almost six years but I’ve been considering giving it up – I have to travel a lot for work to very un-veggie friendly countries and end up feeling terrible because I end up essentially eating plates of melted cheese for days on end, and I’ve also been having some intermittent health problems that I think may be nutrition related. The thing holding me back is fear of getting sick since its been so long so I’ve had meat. Did you feel sick when you started eating animal products again? I did eat a chicken wing when I was drunk a few weeks ago and didn’t feel terrible the next day so maybe it will all be fine…

    I’m moving across the country in a few weeks, so my plan for this weekend is to hibernate in my house, blast Lemonade, and sort through all my shit and donate the clothes I don’t think are worth dragging across the country.

    • I didn’t get sick when I started eating meat again. I did have to reintroduce dairy very slowly, as I had developed an intolerance after not eating it for a decade. I do still sometimes get sick if I eat too much meat. I’d suggest starting with one kind of meat at one meal and see how that goes. Or adding one animal byproduct like beef broth to your cooking and see how that goes. I still get grossed out by some meats just because it’s been so long since I’ve had them and I’m not very keen on meat, in general. I probably eat it once/day on average, if that. Good luck, whatever you decide about what to put in your mouth/body.

      Happy sorting, packing, and moving! That’s a big and exciting move!

  36. Haven’t seen Lemonade and don’t know where to see it either.
    It is completely spring where I am complete with puddles.
    I don’t think I have any dance jams because I can dance to elevator music.
    Or music to you can’t hear.
    Baila conmigo ven ven ven baila conmigo, soy libre
    quieres ser libre?
    baila conmigo

    I’m procrastinating working on my final exam packet with AS and messing with Selena lyrics.
    My last birthday I didn’t really celebrate, but I danced to Baila Esta Cumbia and might do that for every birthday from now on. So if I were make a list of songs that fill me with the barely controllable urge to dance that song would be on the list for sure. Living A Vida Loca would be another for sure on the list and crossposted with songs I can’t not sing along with.
    Other than “Latin” music most of the stuff that makes me dancey is hard or classic rock.
    Or someone like Janelle Monae. Or ya know a show tune because musical theatre kid.
    Then there’s stuff that makes me want to dance but I don’t know how and like collapse on myself like over moist cake trying.
    But sometimes I just feel like shaking it and keeping in time with something and anything will do.
    Also there are songs I have ridiculous hand motions for.

    La música es vida.

    Dancing is spice so very nice

      • I think of the Batman one as dancing to either Dance Apocalyptic or Pharrell’s Happy.

        Thank you and whoa that looks like mid 1800’s fortress whatwhat.
        Must finish

  37. Ooh I am so happy it’s you KaeLyn hosting this week!!

    I have big emotions swirling round – my very very close friends were contacted by their adoption agency. A birth mother had chosen them, and gave birth on Saturday morning. The baby came home with them yesterday ( and we got to meet them last night)!

    The birth mother has 30 days to change her mind, so the adoption wouldn’t be official until then (or if she signs before then). She (so far), would still like some contact as well.

    So many emotions!! The baby is so lovely, and I’m delighted that however things work out they will be in a home where they are very much wanted and loved.

    So, I would love input if anyone would like to share on a few different things. The baby is half Indo- Canadian, half-Black (no other info as to this half – this is what the birth-mom shared). There is cultural planning with a social worker, and of course if the birth mother remains in touch there will be her connection. The adoptive parents are both caucasian men. Any thoughts on helping a baby, child, teenager, feel loved and embraced for their wholeness in a western society, and connected to their respective backgrounds in a way that will make them as happy as possible?

    Also, the baby has been assigned male, but I would like to not assume anything until they can share their feelings/reality. This is obviously sadly tricky in regards to interactions with others. Also, I haven’t discussed with my friends yet, but would love to hear thoughts as to what will help them feel most loved and supported. If my friends choose to use male pronouns, pros and cons to me using they, since I’m not family??

    Aaahhh…I don’t know anything about babies, but if my friends end up being the parents, I would love to contribute to a loving happy environment for this wonderful new human!!!

    Thank you for any thoughts!

    Also, andand KaeLyn, I am so excited for you, and love hearing your experiences – thank you for all you’ve been sharing!!!

    • This is such happy and exciting news!

      On the gender and gender pronouns. For now, I’d say that it would make sense to respect the pronouns that parents are using. Presumably, they will use pronouns that match the assigned sex at birth. I hope that if the kid ever expressed they prefer different pronouns when they are older, their parents will be cool. For now, though, I’d say it’s fine to use whatever pronouns that parents are using.

      Interracial adoption is so complicated! I’m super, super glad they are considering open adoption so that the birth parent can still have communication with the child. It is healthiest for the kid, in my opinion, and in the opinion of most psych professionals. I’d say for them to make time to help their kid explore their race and ethnicity, when the kid is old enough, is a good place to start. It can be challenging for white parents. You don’t want to appropriate another culture’s traditions and/or misrepresent that culture to your child. On the other hand, you want them to be exposed to their heritage in a meaningful way. If there are cultural organizations that they could connect with, that’d be a great place to start. I’m going to be honest. It will be hard for the kid, at some point. For any person of color who grows up with a white family and/or surrounded by white people, it challenges you to a) self-identify as “different” very early in life and b) can lead to internalized racism. Supporting their kid means letting them have these feelings of confusion and anger. It’s not something a white parent can “fix” and these feeings should definitely not be minimized. Really listening and even providing professional emotional support, if necessary, is going to be so important. It’s a lot! But it sounds like this kid will have great parents and a great support network in friends like you. I wish them ALL the happiness!

      • @kaelynrich

        Thank you so so very much. I really appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness in replying. This is so helpful, and makes me feel supported <3<3

        I was thinking that making sure to have plenty of books (amongst other things) to share that are written by Indo and Afro- Canadians, and generally as much as possible having their exposure to their cultural heritage be in the words (and more than words) of those whose culture it is, rather than my French and British-Caucasian interpretation. I'm of course only speaking for myself.

        My friends have agender friends whose pronouns they respect, and I am sure they will be happy to acknowledge and celebrate whatever gender expression they choose as they grow up. One is a child psychologist, which I hope will help! Although I had a friends who also had two psychologists for parents who used to say it was terrible when you wanted to argue something with them and they would just nod and say "I see, so that's how you feel" :-P!

        Most of all, and more than anything, of course, I just want to express love for them, the very individual them that they are and will be.

        Oh, and I was just going to say that I think one of the reasons the birth-mom picked them is because they are open to open adoption. She will be called mommy (easy since neither of them is!).

        I'm crossing my fingers it all works out well for everyone, in whatever form it takes, for each of their precious unique lives.

        Thank you thank you thank you again.

        • That all sounds really wonderful! I think they are in for a world of happiness!

          Yes, books and media by people of the child’s culture/ethnicity is definitely helpful. As are toys and things that include people who look like them–not just white people. It’s something white people often overlook because they just don’t think of it–so getting into the mindset of having diverse representation in the kid’s life from an early age is a good habit to start now.

          For example, I’m having a Korean child with my white partner. He wanted to get this cute dino mobile with a little person in the middle. The person, of course, was visibly white. He didn’t even think of it, not out of malice or disrespect, but just because he’s white and it didn’t come up top of mind for him. I protested the mobile unless it could look more like our kid. He contacted the Etsy seller and found out it could be custom made with an Asian person instead. Which is going to be super cute! Just little stuff like that.

          As a friend-of-the-family, you can also be the cool extended family member who has these convos with the kid, when and if it’s appropriate as they grow older. Sometimes kids will be more likely to talk about this stuff with other adults who are NOT their parents. Haha.

          And if it’s possible, it would be cool for them to be able to make friends with other kids who are of similar ethnicity/race so they have each other to lean on as they navigate multiple identities.

          ALL GOOD STUFF TO THINK ABOUT! So excited for them and for you to welcome this new person into your lives, @snaelle!


    My first tattoo!!! OMG yes it’s a deer!! So I think I’ve been asked like 10x what it means but the story is super long. I’ve only told one person and it took like 30mins to tell. LOL. Anyway first, Klub Deer feelings. Second, I basically found myself at A Camp (this is where people get lost and my story becomes super long because I have to explain what autostraddle is and also A Camp, how I went etc) Like before camp, I was like out to people but I was like closeted. Reallly tho, I’m one of those people who are like ‘A Camp changed my life’ just like this site changed my life.

    • It looks awesome, like an etching into your skin.
      You’re not the only person to get an A-Camp inspired tattoo because “A Camp changed my life”
      Not me I’m talking about, never been and very tattooless.

      • People have done the A Camp logo just fyi =) I really love my tattoo tho. Also my parents dont,know yikes.

        • Goodness, I do like the logo and find it to be a solid design and realise it would easily into a tattoo. There’s no buts in this more of a wow.

          The person I know of who has an A-Camp themed tattoo it was a bird after the bunk(I think) she was in.
          It’s was such a lovely use of colour.

    • I saw this earlier this week already, but your description of why you got it makes me want to cry! <3 <3

    • Ok I tried to like this but my likes aren’t working for some reason! So I just wanted to say I LOVE this. Explaining tattoos is a joy ain’t it. I take a “well you asked” approach when the story gets long. Your story is particularly excellent :)

  39. Ooh, and a shout-out to Lolau, whom I saw was on the FOT last week (this week too?? Out of time to check – lunch over).

    So happy to see you back, and really glad to hear you being in a positive place. Hope everything just keeps getting better and better!!

  40. I just watched an elderly women’s entire paradigm shift around rape culture because of a workshop I gave so yeah, i looooooovvvveeee my job!
    I’m so glad it’s almost may! I got my tegan and Sara tickets today too so again a perfect Friday. I bought two in case I have the great fortune of finding someone to join me between now and September?

    • I did the same thing! With the tickets, not the paradigm-shifting, though that is arguably cooler. I guess I’m optimistic (and an extra 45 bucks poorer, but November is so far away and who knows what might happen?).

      • Yes Rachel! I think it’s super fun to know that if I make a new friend I can be like, “Hey want to join me at this awesome concert? I have an extra ticket for you.”
        Worst case scenario I have to go by myself and try to make friends there.

  41. KaeLyn I would kill for that Mac and cheese, it looks amazing. I rarely make a roux because I’m lazy, my stirring is weak, and lumps of flour in a white sauce are gross.
    Super late here in the UK, so stopping by with this week’s weird work quote out of context and then hitting the hay as I have work early-boo:

    Overheard as I entered a room:
    “I feel like I’m going to smash you with my vagina”

    Have great weekends folks.

    P.S. I started making my pinhole cameras, this project will happen!

      • I’m a teacher…yep…at a small performing arts college-so shit gets weird on the reg. Every Monday (who knows why Monday but it’s always Monday) my students say something which would rank as a cards against humanity winner and I just walk out of the room and pretend it didn’t happen. Or shout “Overshare” at them.
        This quote was brought to you by the same student who shouted “I’ve seen everyone in this rooms boobs”…
        I’m the only queer here and I’m weirded out a lot.

    • T-Swift’s kitty doppleganger would be a Siamese or maaabye Egyptian Mau cause slim looking with energy level.

  42. Ugh so I broke up with a girl for the first time this week. It was rough and she didn’t take it well (even though we only went on three dates and we never even held hands!!) I felt terrible because she liked me a lot and I didn’t really feel the same way. But omg dating is so expensive and I don’t think I could have sustained that for long.
    I had a fairly shitty day yesterday – I had to endure a whole day of school without a bra because I forgot to pack one for after water polo :/ luckily my boobs are fairly non existent but I couldn’t take my jumper off all day so it was boiling :( I did have a nice dinner with my pal Anna though so that was fun. I ate my usual mini beef burger (recommended for ages 7 & under- I’m 18).
    But I bought tickets for Tegan and Sara and I’m so excited!!! I’ve been hoping they’d come to Melbourne for a while so yay! I’m going by myself there’s other people going who I know or who are mutual friends so it should be fine.
    I hope everyone else’s weeks were good :)

    • Cheers tho for breaking things off before they got even more intense

      You saw that you’d have been stringing her along and you took initiative and it was hard and it’s always hard but you Did What Was Best For The Both Of You! Also YAY Tegan & Sara

  43. I’m working the Alice party! I will probably not see you there because it’s, y’know, a McKittrick party, but I’ll definitely be there, setting up and striking and partying in between!

    • Jealous of your job! Yeah, I mean, it’s not Halloween or NYE and it’s NOT MAYFAIR (had to throw some shade in there), but it will probably still be packed and ridiculous. If you happen to see us, do say hello! And have a lot of fun in-between striking and setting! Do you work there typically or just for parties? We’re part of those weird fans that go to SNM way, way, way too much and blog about it. Oh god, we’re embarrassing…

    • @arisaur, so glad we ran into you on the stairs! Sorry we didn’t get more of a chance to chat or hang out. As per usual for McKittrick parties, we were experiencing FOMO about getting to the Caterpillar’s Salon. The sets looked amazing! Great job and I hope you got to sleep in super late on Sunday!

  44. also I feel like my mac and cheese is good specifically because I use both cheese and nutritional yeast.

  45. Hey autostraddlers, hope you’re having a good weekend. Things are really rough for me right now, but don’t really have any friends to talk about it with and to nervous to share…send any positive vibes my way or internet hugs.

    • aw Joan I so relate to your comment heheh. I’ve literally written several versions of a ‘halp I need advice’ letter to various Autostraddle forums the last few months b/c no one else to talk to about this ongoing problem i’m having; haven’t sent any of them lol. It’s hard to share. Sending all the solidarity to you and hope your situation improves! We are here for you.

    • Here’s a ridiculous dancing Batman that’s been making me smile.

      An old standard cat hug I go by

      And puppy attempt hug/cuddles with a very patient cat

  46. I am sooooooooo not planning on making Mac and Cheese for dinner tonight and I am sooo not listening to “In A World Of My Own” right now.


  47. That Mac and cheese sounds so good! I’m kind of trying to learn to cook for the first time, so maybe I’ll try this…

    I’ve been applying to a lot of jobs I’m excited about. And I decided to cosplay for the free comic book day event in my town so I’m super happy about that. I’ve never cosplayed before so we will see how it goes.

    I hope everyone has a great weekend.

  48. Mmmm, mac and cheese. There’s a recipe I might try this week that is an applesauce mac and cheese. I’m a little skeptical but have a ton of applesauce that needs to be used up and eating it on my oatmeal is getting a little old.

    This week: adventures in online dating. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna die alone because I can’t deal with people telling me that I’m sensational and they want to spoil me after a handful of messages. Or that they love me on the first date. Idk, I make fast connections with people sometimes, but that’s because it’s been earned very quickly and I’m really skeptical of people who don’t really know me in a meaningful way going there that fast.

    Also, do any other bi women here feel like it’s much easier to meet men than women? Not just in terms of numbers but in managing to arrange dates? Maybe this is just me and I’m really terrible?

    • I feel like maybe men want to meet up faster once they start messaging you?

      I’m bi but I ignore men because I don’t want to marry one and I don’t think Im emotionally capable of dating to play

      And it’s difficult, in my experience, to keep things casual with women

      Or just “hook up”

      Because we all just start TALKING

      And the next thing you know you’re at brunch and you know the name of their dead dog

      • “And the next thing you know you’re at brunch and you know the name of their dead dog”

        Ahahahaha, this made me laugh so hard. Thanks.

    • I think maybe there’s just more opportunities to meet men? And more of a structural patriarchy that creates a heteronormative sense of how to date men, as a woman, and vice versa. Meanwhile dating women is fraught with all that comes with breaking a norm–meaning it’s confusing and there’s not like a clear path of how it is “supposed” to work. Which is kind of the best part about dating women, but also why I agree it can feel more complicated? That’s my unscientific take on it, anyway!

      Very flattering that people fall for you right away, but yeah, I’d also be turned off by someone moving too fast with the love feelings. I don’t know. Dating is not really an area of personal expertise for me. :/

      I do have high hopes for your applesauce mac and cheese, though. I can’t even imagine what that would be like, but I’m very interested!

    • Hells yeah men are easier to date!!!
      I’m a six-on-the-Kinsey-scale-hella-gay but men hit on me all the time. And it’s nice to be admired and asked out no matter how much you could never reciprocate thier feelings. Men are aggressive and flirting with women is 100% culturally approved. I have NEVER been hit on by a woman IRL and online dating sucks (though it’s the only way I have gotten to go in some pleasant dates).
      I haven’t gotten people who move too fast but I find most people aren’t sure what they actually want.
      Lastly, is anyone ever going to make that Texas wide Meetup?

  49. I thought I got ghosted on tinder by a girl who lent me a book and I was feeling very conflicted like “how will return this book”

    But it turns out she dropped her phone in a toilet

    And she told me this by finding me in the matches of her *friends* tinder and sending me a message that way

    Which just goes to show u that there are like twenty queer girls, tops, in every major metropolitan area, and we all will eventually see each other, be it on tinder or at Trader Joe’s

    • Also I had an group interview at Powells City of Books yesterday, and I’m reading L’élégance du hérisson, and everything is p solid right now

      Except for my huge crush on my straight co-worker, but that’s to be expected, such is life

      • We are probably going to brunch on Tuesday, like the Gay Portland Clichés that we are, and after will lend Eachother even more comic books :)

  50. I just remembered I once wore a slutty halloween Wonderland Alice costume for a group costume thing but I wore in a very Navigating the Heteronormative Patriarchy way.
    I even had cloak worthy of the Grim Reaper.

  51. So I accidentally embarrassed my best friend in a store.

    People think I’m a lot younger than I actually am. If I dress masculine, they think I’m my best friend’s son. If I dress femme, they think I’m his daughter.

    Anyways, I got excited about a bottle of Jack Daniel’s while in a store, and childishly bouncing up and down I said in a high pitched voice “OOH! OOH! Can we get more whiskey!?!” One of the store employees shot my best friend the dirtiest look ever because they were under the impression that Daddy was letting his son drink whiskey.

  52. I had a delightful week, really awesome, and sort of life-changing. Moved from 98% to 100% certain that my gf is the one to last, as in, for good, for life. That last nudge makes such a difference! We’ll have to do the formal stuff as well…

    I am very glad you are enjoying the creating of cheese sauce. I definitely keep guessing wrong for the dog-outing first thing in the morning and wandering out in pjs to find it 20 degrees or properly bundled to find it 60 F.

    • That’s huge and exciting news!!! Congrats on making that informed commitment to your relationship!

      I wore a winter jacket to work this morning…with capri leggings and no socks. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

  53. A little late because I had a migraine yesterday and looking at screens was just too much. BUT I really want to post because I have made so many big decisions in the last week or so!
    I gave my notice at my job. It’s my first salaried job, my first job where I was making appreciably more than minimum wage. And it made me really unhappy. I was managing a retail store and I just couldn’t get over having to constantly upsell (and judge my staff on their ability to upsell) when I think people should be buying less shit. So only a couple weeks left!!
    Then I’m going on a road trip with one of my best friends and her partner to do some climbing in Smith Rock and then I go to A-Camp for the first time!!
    Then comes the real kicker. When I come back from camp I’m going to be living with my grandma to save some money while doing an online TEFL course. Then in mid-July I’m moving to Poland!! (I’m Canadian for context.) I’ll do some more coursework then hopefully get a job teaching English.
    I’m super excited and a tiny bit scared for all these changes and how quickly it’s all happening. Also feeling proud of myself for tracking down a fashion Tumblr written by a genderqueer Polish person and emailing them so they can tell me their experiences about being queer in rather Catholic Poland! They emailed me back right away and I’m feeling a little more reassured because androgynous fashion is super in there right now and it wouldn’t be weird to wear not a dress to an interview! Yay!

  54. I’m posting WILDLY late to the open thread, but I’ve had the most fun weekend. I don’t go out really ever due to extreme social anxiety and general misanthropy/misandry, so two outings in one weekend is quite a feat for me.

    Friday night, I went to the local art house theatre to see a showing of “Purple Rain.” Before the film they played Prince music videos, and one was a live performance of “Nothing Compares 2 U” with Rosie Gaines ( I made it through “It’s been seven hours and…” before I just LOST. MY. SHIT. I was weeping in the movies. I’m there with another person, and they’re trying to eat a cheese plate like a damn adult and I am just bawling my eyes out. It was embarrassing. For them I mean, not for me. I was fine about it. The movie was amazing, they gave us all glowsticks, everybody sang along, and it was perfect.

    Last night was a big fundraiser the LGBT community puts on every year, which I skipped, but I went out for the after party. I went upstairs to try and skip the heinous downstairs bathroom line and ran into ChiChi Devayne – final 4 on this season of RuPaul’s Drag Race. I love her drag, and have been so excited to see our city on tv, so it was really exciting.

      • I was also called upon to try and repair some things during a college graduation ceremony in the morning, so I truly felt like I was Living My Queerest Life this weekend.

  55. So super late, my excuse is that i was traveling across the country. So, rabbit rabbit rabbit, Happy/Power to your May Day, and all the other good things. @kaelynrich I hope you’ve had a fantastically wonderful time at your wonderland party! I am a super geek for all things Alice. Not that long ago I read Alice, by Christina Henry. Has anyone else read this? Overall I thought it was decent, but I was thoroughly disappointed with the ending. While I wasn’t driving across the country I managed to read The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, by Kate DiCamillo, a kids book about a white rabbit, which was pretty good. I also read Ready Player One, by Ernest Cline. While I really loved lots of the nostalgic/geekful aspects of this book…i guess my queer heart was just annoyed at some of the bits and pieces that were probably just a reflection of the perspective of a cis-straight-white dude writer? Maybe? Anybody else read that book and have feelings?
    Also, I sort-of ran my race last weekend…though I took a wrong turn and missed a time cut-off, which was a major bummer. I wrote a real long-winded reflection/recap on it here:
    Anyways, I hope everyone is enjoying their weekends. I’m just catching up with family I haven’t seen in over two decades, and remembering that running in the south kind of feels like swimming. Thanks humidity!

    • I remember you saying your race was in N Arizona Mogollon area, so I’m glad to read your blog entry, as I am also an AZ runner (newb runner). Sorry about the missed cut-off! :/ But still major impressive to run 50k (or more?!) and I imagine the mountains and forests were so very beautiful. Happy travels! And thanks for book recs/ reviews.

  56. My girl broke it off. I am heart broken. Why oh why does the universe tease ::shakes fist::

    BUT! That means im saving a lot of money, so now im an A+ member! Yay Autostraddle! Youre much more loyal and worthy of my spoiling anyway ;)

    • I’m so sorry. Glad you can join the A+ crew and hope it’s some small consolation to your broken heart. Sending you a virtual care package of cat videos, glitter pens, and steaming hot mugs of tea/coffee/yourchoice. <3

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