Friday Open Thread: Hey Valentines, Can I Squish Your Cute Faces?

Hello my perfect polka dotted pink hearts! I’m so excited to spend Valentine’s Weekend with all of you and your partners, kittens and favorite house plants.

I’ll say it first: I kind of love Valentine’s Day. I know it’s a made up holiday that reinforces heterocapitalist narratives of romance and partnership, but I think it’s possible to say “fuck that” while still latching on to a fun excuse to tell the people in our lives how babely we think they are. Plus, it can be a useful moment to reflect on our weird, sordid, awful, lovely romantic pasts. Like in 6th grade, when I told Troy Hall I had a crush on him in his Valentine and he showed the whole class like a pre-teen asshole. Or in college, when my boyfriend dumped me a week before V-Day and a girl I had a very unrequited crush on gave me a cactus to cheer me up, “because love hurts.”

why are boys such jerks?

I have recently and by some strange miracle wandered into a healthy relationship for the first time in my life, and neither of us care about Valentine’s Day except as another opportunity to induce vomiting in everyone around us with our affection. So she asked me to “be her Valentine” with a customized pizza (think red sauce heart) and I felt like Mia Thermopolis. I bought her the gayest gift imaginable but I can’t tell you what it is because she reads this website. I’ll just have to post a picture in the comments on Sunday!

If you, like me, are dating someone new, I’ve got some date ideas and gift suggestions for you. I hope you make each other feel stupid and special. If you’re in an established relationship, I hope your person takes out the trash without you asking. If you’re single, either happily or despairingly so, I hope you eat too much chocolate and drink too much red wine with someone you love this weekend. I hope you all get your faces licked by dogs because really what greater love is there?

channingggg

This is my actual favorite part of my job, when you all tell me about your lives. How are you spending your Valentine’s Day weekend? Perhaps reading poems in soft pants while watching movies? What did you do this week? Have you seen any weird bugs lately? Can I see your favorite Channing Tatum gif or a screencapped Snapchat of your best friend’s cat?

Tell me all about it, Valentines.

poussey


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Audrey is a writer, a Texan and a sometimes-heretical Presbyterian. They write about bisexuality, gender, religion, politics, music and a whole lot of feelings at Autostraddle and wherever fine words are sold. They have a dog named after Alison Bechdel. Follow Audrey on Twitter @audreywhitetx.

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280 Comments

  1. Well, I thought I had a good plan to keep busy on Sunday, as I had requested months ago to work that day…however, I ended up switching to accommodate a coworker’s vacation, because I am a genuinely kind person. 😛

    So instead I’ll be holed up reading Fingersmith. Could be worse.

    Any Deadpool thoughts out there? I saw it last night.

  2. Got my girl rose-shaped chocolates (and some for her parents), a nice necklace and a cute letter. She’s going to cook us a really fancy dinner as she’s a hobby chef. First valentine’s day together, I hope I’m doing it right.

  3. Traditionally, my partner and I write each love letters on Valentine’s- it’s way more personal and meaningful than a store bought card. Our plans for this year are probably going to involve a nice homecooked meal, fruit dipped in chocolate, and watching _Pacific Rim_ at home. I’m really looking forward to it- recently we’ve been really reconnecting after starting to drift apart a little, and it’s been great to feel like we’re madly in love again.

    In other positive news, I found out yesterday I’ve been accepted into the PhD program I’ve been hoping to get into! WOOOO! I’ll be starting this summer/fall (depending on when funding available), hopefully working on modeling the potential ecosystems of extrasolar planets to try to find out what detectable biosignatures they might generate (which is pretty much my dream job). I really like the vibe and culture of the lab group, too (I’m not even the only queer person!). I’m super excited!

  4. Ummm, I think my Valentines’ treat was yesterday, indulging in some soccer (Canada v Guyana) via a horrible internet connection.

    I love me a blonde midfielder, my friends, I really do.

    Also, my job interviews are turning into job offers, which means I’m joining a gym this weekend. Hilarity will ensue.

  5. I spent the majority of this week contemplating about going to see a doctor, which as always I made a much bigger deal than it actually was (I did go today eventually, yay, I instantly feel better). I need a big sign in my house that says “people are nice” so I never forget again.

    As for Valentine’s, I’m going to a restaurant to have dinner with all my single friends, and there will be an opportunity for “Vodka Tasting & Speed Dating”. Who wants to taste vodka? On a Sunday? While trying to keep a conversation going? I hope it’s for straight people only so I don’t have to join in on this ridiculousness. But knowing myself, I probably will anyway.

  6. Well two really good friends were supposed to come visit from London this weekend so I would have gotten v. drunk and full of chocolate with them, but one of them had to “work”, so now they’re partying in London without me ! Woo is me.

    This week was long and painful. But on the plus side: I got an A+ account, I binge-watched the 100 (IT’S AWESOME WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG) and I went to yoga. Tonight I have a bottle of wine, Bailey’s ice cream and the first episodes of season 3 of the 100. I’m single as fuck, but at least I’m making the most of it !

    Happy Valentine to all the singles out there <3.

    • Omg I’m about to binge watch The 100

      (which,btw,why the fuck is it “PREVIOUSLY ON… THE HUNDRED”. Like EXCUSE U, THERE IS CLEARLY A “1” IN THE TITLE)

      But Dog Family

      (I’m dog sitting)

      Keeps coming home RIGHT WHEN I START WATCHING and I’m in early season one right now like

      I Can’t Watch My Shameful Teen CW Shows While PEOPLE CAN SEE ME

  7. Our kids are 1000% more interested in Valentine’s Day than we are. They each wrote out all the valentine’s cards for their classmates (they are 7 and 4 so writing that much is a big challenge for the 4 year old).

    Next week is school vacation here so we are away with the little ladies for a week so Sunday we are planning to make a fire, maybe have some cocoa or other treats, and give the girls lots of love. The little girl made cards for my wife and for me which is so darn heartwarming it’s too much to take.

    “Mama, how do you spell ‘I love you’?”

  8. Tonight and Saturday I’m gonna spend with buddies celebrating friend love! Part of Saturday will be spent adulting (laundry, grocery shopping, etc.) so that on Sunday, my partner and I can unplug from the world and just spend the day together uninterrupted. I can’t wait! <3

    Neither of us are big valentine's day gift givers but we might make upside down heart butt and boob cookies. OM NOM NOM

  9. I’m spending my valentines day weekend with my straight best friend, her husband, and their one year old. very romantic for all involved. in all seriousness though, I’m looking forward to seeing them. their kid is just starting to talk, and the last time I saw her, she wasn’t at all, so I wanna get in on witnessing that cuteness. we probably won’t do anything too much, but maybe I’ll make spaghetti and convince my friend’s husband to split a bottle of wine with me.

    • in other news, I mailed a friend a package earlier this week, and I was like hmm what treats does she like. settled on banana bread, didn’t think too hard about it. now I can’t stop worrying that it’ll go bad before she even gets to it. ughhh. gonna be so sad if that ends up being the case.

  10. I’m single this Valentine’s day, but I’m gonna dress nice today, tomorrow and Sunday, and eat lots of chocolate and pamper myself, because learning to love oneself is really hard but important. Next year maybe I’ll have a SO but this year I’ll be gay for myself first and foremost, others second (but no less important).
    Today is fancy gurl time:
    Might go clubbing Sunday but we’ll see.
    Wishing you all a glorious weekend. Stay fantastic. <33333

  11. I’m working this Valentine’s day and I’m happy about it! I’m single and I’d rather be making money than sitting around pretending to be interested in it being a “holiday” that I don’t really think anything about and feeling vaguely guilty for not doing anything.

    Also I started following a girl on a social media I’ve had a bit of an on-again-off-again crush on for the last few years and YIKES she posts in exactly the way I absolutely hate and that brought that crush to a swift anticlimactic ending, so I’m extra not interested in the V day this year.

    • omg the same thing happened to me. I had the hugest crush on a girl from work, and then we added each other on facebook and honestly her posts completely turned me off haha! My friends don’t understand they’re like why don’t you talk to her then, she’s reaching out and everything, but. I think those feelings are all over now.

    • I’ve found social media to be such an A+ way to destroy my Crushes on Straight Girls.

      For some reason I’m attracted to giggly, doe eyed sweethearts who either vague book or share a lot of elite daily pseudo science about how all night owls are geniuses or some other self indulgent BS

      • I know EXACTLY the type of person you’re talking about. Crushes are so hard when you don’t know them that well because you’re always like “oh you have the traits of This Kind of person, but maybe you have all the qualities I like and none of the unsavory traits that I hate!” and in my experience you’re usually wrong haha.

        It’s so easy to project this perfect image onto someone when you don’t see what mildly sexist/tacky/questionable memes and links they like and share on social media.

  12. I do have to tell my fiancée to take the trash out when it’s her turn, but I love her anyway. This weekend we’re staying in to save money for our engagement party.

    But honestly, I’m in a bit of a crisis state right now. I’m in my third year of a PhD, I’m taking qualifying exams in May, and I’m thinking of dropping out right after I become ABD (before I start dissertating). Why? Well, the job prospects are so slim, for humanities PhDs especially. And I’m not sure anymore that being a professor is what I really want to do. I’ve always wanted to write fiction, actually, queer YA fiction more specifically. So I’m not really sure what I’m doing anymore, and I feel a little like I’m stuck in this position because of inertia and not having a clue what other steps, if any, I could be taking. And studying for these exams is really taking a toll on my mental health. But I can’t see myself in a 9-5 office job, either. Ah well, just needed to rant.

    • I empathize so hard on this! There is so much pressure out there to figure out a “dream job” and I have never know exactly what my purpose on this planet is. The best thing I ever did was give myself permission to not know and do the best I can. You’ll figure it out, until then… enjoy the journey 🙂 Congratulations on your engagement!!!

    • Oh, I totally feel this! I’m soon to finish my master’s, and used to think I’d go do a PhD, but now I’m really not sure. I also want nothing more than to write queer YA (historical fantasy) fiction, but now that I’m facing the end of my (time-consuming) schooling, and the time that I should be jumping into a career, it’s like I’m about to call my own bluff and see if this is something I can really do. I hope you really do take the plunge! And if you do leave your PhD, I hope it goes well for you… I know so many people who’ve been in your boat, and while it was an impossibly difficult decision to leave, most of them are happier for having done so 🙂

    • I dropped out of my PhD program (in chemistry) after my 3rd year, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve made. I was utterly miserable and realized I was staying there because I thought I *should* finish. I’m a librarian now (I used to escape my lab to hide out in the library and read food magazines).

    • I finished my humanities Ph.D, then spent the next couple years trying to write & publish fiction as a passion-project. I totally think you’re right to be worried about academic jobs, but I’d also suggest sticking with the program (if it’s paying you) until you get at least part time work somewhere else to help pay bills while you’re writing. Put plan B into motion while plan A is still running (even if it’s running into the ground), that’s my new motto!

    • I feel your pain! I’m a 4th year and I’m as surprised as anyone that I made it this far. Sometimes sticking it out is worth it, and I’ve found new purpose in my work, but sometimes crises are really just wake up calls. From a fellow academic, I wish you the bestest of luck making this decision for yourself.

    • I’m a fourth year, and had a problematic third year (in the 0.05% way that was well beyond anyone’s control or foresight), but pretty pleased I stuck it out. But… I don’t have queer YA fiction dreams.

      Also, I love dissertating. Dissertating is why I’m doing this. It’s my own damn research. Miiiine. (Obv. collaborators and such, so not *just* mine, but you know…I’m invested in this.)

  13. Ladies!! I need your help :O This is the first Valentine’s Day I am celebrating with someone else and I want to make it special. I’m planning her to make her dinner, but do you have any other ideas on how to make my first ever Valentine realize how freakin’ adorable I think she is??

    In other news, where are my New Orleans’ Straddlers?? How was your Mardi Gras??

    • Small adjustment here… when I said that “I’m planning her to make her dinner” I meant to say “I’m planning to make her dinner”… the way it was stated seemed like I am making her make her own dinner and then I’m going to make my own dinner and we are going to do this entirely separately. There shall be no overlap between the dinners… I feel that this will really make her realize how freakin’ adorable I think she is. Valentine’s Day winner.

      • “Happy Valentine’s Day, to celebrate I thought we would each have a good time but far apart from each other.”

        But seriously, Lauren, it seems like you already have a very cute evening planned. You can’t go wrong with specially chosen music for that extra touch 🙂

    • Endymion was shit, but Bacchus was fantastic I got some light up swag and some Anthony Mackie kid at candy store-ness. I over slept Mardi Gras plans tho, but at least I still had a piece of king cake to eat at midnight.

      Making someone food is pretty special.

      But you want more…make her a card? I don’t know your skill level or supplies but if you tell me I could advise “route” if you will.

      Zero skills and printer paper: Horizontally fold printer paper, write some personal about how adorable she is in your best hand. If you have crayons or something covering the “front” of the card in x’s and o’s is very simple but cute pattern that requires no drawing skills.

      If you can draw a cinnamon roll tho I have dirty cute joke I think and you could have it.

  14. *sap alert!*

    I truly enjoy writing cards for friends on Val(Gal)entine’s day (no SO yet). I love love and I love telling them how much I care for them and how they make me happy. Seeing them smile brightens up my day and ugh..what a great feeling that is!

    This year I’ll be hanging out with family and friends for brunch. I think I’m more excited about dressing up and taking pictures, and drinking bottomless mimosas more than anything else lol. It’ll be like any other day, except with more traffi and a longer wait time at restaurants.

    • Yes!! I’m so with you, this is what it’s all about. It’s so nice to have scheduled times to tell the people you care about HOW MUCH you care about them. It’s like a regular oil change – it helps to have the date marked on the calendar ya know?

      xx

  15. This was going to be the first Valentines I ever spent with a significant other, but now it looks like a massive snowstorm is going to prevent my girlfriend’s flight from getting in on Valentines like it was supposed to. The fact that she’d be arriving on the 14th was a total coincidence, actually – just the product of other timing factors, but we had grand plans and I’m going to be pretty devastated if she doesn’t get in that day.
    The whole long distance situation is pretty crappy anyway, especially because she’s having a much more miserable time in grad school than I am, so our relationship at this point is mostly composed of her unhappy texts, and my attempts at positive texts back, which don’t seem to make much of a difference. I was already a bit apprehensive about how this visit from her would go, which sucks, because I want to just be all sparkles and happiness about seeing her again. If she doesn’t arrive on time, that’ll just be the cherry on top 🙁

    • Long distance is super hard, especially when people are having a hard time doing whatever they are doing!

      I went through a similar slump about a year ago. Only, I was the sad one. I knew my person was trying to cheer me up, but I just needed to be sad for a while, ya know? Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to make her happy. Sometimes being sad with your person is just as important as being happy with them.

      I hope she makes it to you 😀 And I hope you get to hold her!

      • Long distance is the worst! My partner and I will be long distance for two more months. Then we move in together!

        And grad school can be really tough too. But I’ve found that some parts of the process have been much, much harder than others. For me, my oral exam–both the preparation and the actual exam–was PAINFUL. But research for my dissertation has been a joy! Fellow students in my program have had different experiences. What are significant others and friends for but to nurse each other through rough patches? Hope the weather cooperates and you two have a wonderful time together! 🙂

    • That is so rough! I hope you are able to find ways to have a good time together even if the grand plans aren’t feasible. Maybe you can go shopping for discount candy together on the 15th and turn the late flight into a cute, if much more low-key than planned, post-Valentine’s date.

    • @msdumaurier omg LONG DISTANCE. I could talk about ldr all day. We’ve been,in one for…are u ready…7 years!!!! But we’re putting an end to that this year i promise, you guys.

      It can suck a lot and i def feel you on being positive when they arent so much…it is really hard. But I always say its worth it.

      Best vibes sent your way!!!

  16. Happy v-day! I love you all!

    Valentine’s Day is kind of awkward when you’ve just been on a few dates with someone and you’re not really sure what you’re thinking yet.

    Oh well. It will be a good weekend anyway!

    • oh i do have a v-day suggestion that is fun and low-key with just a hint of romance: crafting together. especially drunk crafting using kits for ages 0-5. I randomly picked up a little kit for making these little things, memorably called ‘Sparkle Hug Friends’ at Target. We also got sparkly gel pens. We had fun making them and then exchanging them. They have little heart-shaped feet. It was low-key and fun and but also special.

    • My first relationship started two days before Valentine’s Day. I sent a “happy valentine’s day” email featuring a photo of two ferrets cuddling in the shape of a heart. I figured it was appropriately affectionate but slightly silly/less serious due to being a) an email and b) a heart made of ferrets.

      I was 14 at the time, though, so I can’t claim to have tested that strategy in my adult dating life.

  17. I actually resisted my natural snarky inclination to reply “only Valentine’s Day” when my gf asked if there was anything I didn’t like about the ‘holiday’. 🙂

    I’m looking forward to a lovely dinner and giving her her present (assuming it arrives on time). We’re finally spending some time together after what feels like a crazy couple weeks (which is mostly because I’ve spent the last two weekends sleeping off a terrible cold). Valentine’s Day or not, I’m looking forward to spending time with her and chilling.

  18. Being single, I will be spending my Valentine’s day obsessing over the relationships of fictional characters.

    On that topic, who saw last night’s episode of The 100!? Discuss in the replies so we can keep the main thread free of spoilers!

      • My Josh Lyman-loving heart is really sad right now 🙁 I know he can be an insufferable manchild, but he’s one of the few male characters I genuinely adore (up there with Luke Danes and Alex Karev).

        But also, that one episode where Amy and Donna are trapped in a very small room together for a lengthy period of time made me FEEL SO MANY THINGS.

  19. Hey everyone!

    I don’t think I have anything planned for Valentine’s Day. I might go shopping (need a new work wardrobe) or stay home and watch DVDs. Maybe Fingersmith or Valentine’s Day (which I know is not very good but has a special place in my heart). Also I’m gonna sign up to A+ at last! Spoiling myself 🙂

  20. I’ve been so busy and tired lately, I kinda forgot it was coming so soon.
    Not that it really matters, given that I’m single, but I like the idea of taking myself on a date around the city and give myself time to just chill and not think about uni work!

    Kinda wish my dog was here (she lives with my parents) so she could be my Valentine, though!

  21. I guess my valentines will be me, and I hopefully will plan to spend it in the mountains, maybe with a shot of something in my you do you flask as I hike. Would be nice after a long week. There was at least one day I should have been passed out at home sleeping the cold/flu off, but being self-employed makes that harder. It also doesn’t help my father says I get to choose if you are a sir or not. 🙁

    On the plus side last night I got to go to LACMA and see a semi-private tour(hosted by the curator of that section) of modern Middle Eastern & North African art(its referred to as it Islamic art, but some of the artists weren’t Islamic or religious). It was interesting to see the curators perspective of why she chose these particular art work. The exhibit also includes a silent art video a relative of mine created(who also was there last night). If you are in LA please take a look at the exhibit, you may even leave chuckling.

    Saw this on my walk last Saturday.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

  22. Happy Friday to you and yours (or just you)! I’ll be going out of town with my beautiful partner this weekend, but here’s a little picture of how we spent our February weekends so far (which I highly recommend if you don’t mind putting a ton of time into something that is received with mostly ambivalence! Kidding- he seemingly enjoys it, but just not as much as us. Also recommend going to Home Depot after a couple drinks because it’s a lot of fun/more devious):

    (also first time commenter and 100% unsure if that pic will truly upload^ cheers!)

  23. I’m going to spend this Sunday buried in a hole of media distraction. A heart-shaped hole of media distraction.

    But seriously, little else means more to me than the overflowing love that circulates through this site and community. Pick your favorite adjective–you’re all about that (insert name here), and I love you for it.

    Now excuse me while I go dig my hole.

  24. hiiiiiiii honeys,

    babe is going to be out of the country on v-day itself, and my steady v-day friend date (since gf is often traveling during feb for work) has a new sweet thing, which is AWESOME, so I don’t really know what my vday plans are? My mom said we could hang out, which is nice, but I haven’t decided if what I want to do on vday is eat fried chicken and complain with my mom, since that’s what would be on tap.

    But I got babe some cute red ramekins (she likes cutesy kitchen shit) that I’m going to bake some treats in, and some of her favorite locally named salt caramels.

    I just booked myself a little seaside cabin for a writing retreat! I’m really excited! Tho my friend might come after I’ve been there for a day so writing + hang retreat.

    And I’m getting all my paperwork done so that I can have a really chill weekend without fussing around with bullshit on the computer.

    And the SUN came out. Hello, Friday. I’m wearing a dress with seahorses on it and am ready for love.

  25. (Disclaimer: I’ve actually made it a Habitica goal to start getting involved with FOT, because I really want to get to know you guys but have the memory of a goldfish. Anyway.)

    My Valentine’s Day at this point is going to be spent fighting off the flu and doing freelance work (thank goodness for jobs you can do in your PJs…). At least I’ll be at my parents’ place in Winnipeg, getting my face licked by one of these adorable dorks:



    (In case I managed to screw up the coding, those are pics of my 3 wiener dogs.)

    This past week has actually been pretty eventful; I picked up a new freelance client last Monday, then I got a job at Subway this Tuesday. These are both coming after nearly 6 months of unemployment, so I’ve gone from 0-100 very, very quickly. On the upside, it means that I have enough money coming in to treat myself to an Njoy Pure Wand and maybe an A+ membership! Who needs a girlfriend when you’ve got those, right? 😉

  26. Evening folks, happy open thread.
    Is pancake day a thing in other countries? I ask because it’s not printed on the calendars and I didn’t see much mention of it online on Tuesday? I had pancakes…I was happy 🙂
    Sooooo…I’m working all weekend after working stupid amounts since the beginning of the year- including 8:00-22:00 tmrw. *sob* The insanity ends at 8pm Sunday by which point I’ll be so knackered I won’t know what a valentine is let alone be able to do anything about it. My long suffering missus is getting her gifts on Sunday morning before I go to work. I made her a card that says
    “I’m sickeningly in love with you, for real it’s so gross that if we were other people and I saw us I’d be disgusted by the amount of love”
    …my Mother declared that it was lovely when I showed her it. I’d post a pic but it’s in an envelope now. “Sickening” is in a gooey horror font called shlop and is snot green…I’m putting that design degree to use.
    So missing the day aside we are seeing Allison Weiss and Jenny Owen Youngs play in Manchester on Tuesday so that will be our V-day late date for our 10th valentines! Super exciting and also yikes where did the years go?
    I have to share with you all that this week my dayjob got weirder. I ended up looking for waterproof pasties online. Good news is they exist, bad news they’re transparent. Apparently that defeats the purpose?! Can’t wait for my week off.
    Have wonderful weekends galentines. For those working – I salute you comrades.

      • So we have 2 official pancake days in France (yeses). The day before Ash Wednesday is Mardi Gras, and you eat crêpes (French pancakes) and beignets (French donuts) and waffles… and then something called “Chandeleur” which is Feb 2nd (so this year they sadly both happened on the same day) and something something about Christ ?… I don’t care I’m in it for the carbs

        • I didn’t know about chandeleur but Shrove Tuesday, our Mardi Gras – (the jesus/lent one), was the 9th. So if we had both I could have had two weeks of pancake days. Damn. I too am all about the carbs.

    • Pancake?? Day?? My local doughnut shop was advertising “Fastnacht (Doughnut) Day,” which is evidently a Pennsylvania Dutch thing. So I most definitely had a doughnut (or two). But pancakes will have to happen soon, I think.

      Have fun on Tuesday!! I’ve just been getting into Jenny Owen Youngs myself.

      • Donuts make sense, it’s all about getting rid of fat. Pancakes are the Brit tradition, they’re not that common a breakfast food here.
        Yay for getting into Jenny Owen Youngs, I’m a recent convert too. Amazing musicianship 🙂

      • Frankly it’s the best religious “holiday” there is…there’s no day off work but you know. Make pancakes eat pancakes (get rid of fat because you can’t have it for however long lent is -40 days right..?) forget the religious significance and just enjoy pancakes. All. Damn. Day.

  27. Hi hi! Hopefully this doesn’t post twice, if it does, sorry about the spam. Speaking of Valentine’s pizza, have you seen that thing on facebook about making mini-pizzas that are shaped like roses??? That’s how I’m spending Valentine’s day with my best gal pal. We’re also going to go see Deadpool and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies over the weekend, and cuddle some cats, and eat a lot of sweet things and draw hearts on stuff. Last year I was super bummed about being single on Valentine’s Day, but this year I’m not, so I’m celebrating it. <3

  28. it’s my first valentine’s day with my person and we are so excited! we are going to drink pink champagne, make homemade pizza and watch movies and probably make out a whole lot. i made her a card that looks like a puppy 🙂

  29. My day will be spent making those silly e-cards comic sans valentines for Undertale and Marina and the Diamonds and Adventure Time & Steven Universe. I’m on holiday and so avoiding awkward do we or don’t we with my unofficial Gal Pal but I’ll probably send her some of those because memes are the highest possible declaration of l….l…liking someone a lot!

    • Ok back again – because I just had to sleep in my attic due to inconsiderate loud neighbours and the 14 hour work day I’m about to have (as mentioned in my main thread comment). So for the first time in 10 years I slept without my missus whilst in the same house (getting to the point I promise) and I wanted to thank you-because now I’m going to send her stupid valentines memes all day, because I missed her, because I’m gross…(as mentioned in my comment). So thank you, fairly sure I wouldn’t have had that idea at 6am by myself.

  30. This Canadian gal from a medium-sized city is going to New York (a very extra-large sized city) for the first time ever on Valentine’s Day! I’ve never really cared about Valentine’s Day, but my partner and I just happened to get a really great seat sale on Air Canada right after Christmas and this was the most convenient and cheapest time for us to go! We’re staying with a friend in Brooklyn, so our Valentine’s Day is going to consist of us following her around like wide-eyed little children. I’M SO EXCITED!

      • Thanks, I’m sure it will be fantastic! We’re only there for five days, but so far our for-sure plans are to go to an Islanders game (I love hockey!), go to a taping of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, go to amateur night at The Apollo, aaaaaaand…eat & drink everything! Other than that, we’ll wing it and see where our feet/the subway takes us. Oh! And we might try to see Fun Home,but it might be too last minute at this point for us to get tickets. We’ll see!

  31. I’ve been sick all week. I’ve eaten so much matzo ball soup, but I’m still icky sicky. My dog is my valentine, and she doesn’t mind snuggling in bed while I sneeze all day. It’s true love.

  32. Valentine’s? More like Shmalentine’s amirite??? Pssshhhhh.

    Actually, for the first time in what feels like a while, i have zero desire to be in a relationship. Not that i’ve ever been in one (i haven’t), but so far this year, i don’t care at all. It’s actually really refreshing. For right now, i don’t care about kissing or sex, because who needs any of that & the exacerbation of my BPD when i have good friends & a dog? (My dog gives me kisses, anyway. The kisses also remind me that i need to brush his teeth.)

    Speaking of my dog, we finally see the vet behaviorist on Monday. Can you guys like, cross your fingers & send good thoughts? I’m really hoping that she’ll be able to help us figure out what might be going on with him & how best to proceed. I really don’t want to think of the worst case scenario(s).

    Here’s some pictures of him for reference:


    (wearing my a-camp ’14 hoodie)

    Also, does anybody else have a LinkedIn account? :B Wanna be ~connections~? lmao i need a job sob sob. I’m actually really hoping for a part-time bookseller job at a Barnes & Noble, so i’m doing my best to try & bug them. Like maybe i should try doing that right now?? I’m also going to try submitting drawings & stuff to some magazines & see if they’re interested in anything. A friend of mine is helping me get the wording right in the email i want to send. 🙂 (p.s. hey Autostraddle, if u need anyone else 2 draw stuff for u……………… wink wink nudge nudge etc) It would be great to add to my resume, yknow?

    My DORS (Dept. of Rehabilitation Services) job counselor also gave me a link to the DMV’s practice tests for getting a learner’s permit, &, uh, so far i’ve failed 2/2 tests. You can only get up to three questions wrong, soooooooo yeah. :’D Oops.

  33. My Valentines Day is going to be epic. Spending it at a musical festival and will be ending the evening with Grimes, CHVRCHES and Purity Ring.

    Today (already Sat here) I am taking my dogs to dock diving training and tonight I plan to catch up on what has been released of season 3 of the 100.

    No weird bug sightings this week, last night one of the dogs was chasing something that looked vaguely spidery but I was watching Agent Carter so called her away without looking what it was.

    • Grimes, CHVRCHES, and Purity Ring!? That’s going to be amazing!

      This is my crappy video of the end of Purity Ring’s free show here last June. It’s hard to see it, but she crowed surfed while signing that last bit. Plus, someone was dancing with their crutches in the air! What a show!
      (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = “//connect.facebook.net/en_GB/sdk.js#xfbml=1&version=v2.3”; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);}(document, ‘script’, ‘facebook-jssdk’));

      Purity Ring was fantastic!Posted by Katie MacIsaac on Monday, 15 June 2015

        • The Festival was as amazing as predicted! It was a bit warm (30C|86F) but I still managed some late afternoon mosh action to Smith St Band and Violent Soho.

          And then the real show started with Grimes, sadly I couldn’t get super close to the stage but she sounded amazing and her live act is so good! She rapped in Russian and at one point was playing a synth board and keyboard simultaneously after just putting down a guitar. And she wore an adorable huge bow in her hair. She finished with Kill V Maim and said it was her favorite song, and it’s mine too! Kill V Maim apparently about a space travelling vampire, but I suspect is actually a satire of the patriarchy. Want to see her again ASAP and from closer. (Please be a lade addition to Bonnaroo!)

          Was in a better spot for CHVRCHES, maybe 5 people deep back from the stage, it was still around 24C|75f at this point so a bit sticky but well worth it. Lauren was so captivating and I think this was around the point I started to really lose my voice. They did such a good blend of both their albums, ending with Mother We Share. But yeah, the atmosphere was so good it was worth getting beer spilled all down my back and in my hair for this view:

          Finally Purity Ring, had to make a dash to their stage and as a result was right at the back. Perfect way to end the night, their stage show had me entranced. It was so elaborate but not in a tacky way, it matched the music perfectly. Megan’s voice was insane. There is a part in Repetition that I always thought was a flute, and she sang it flawlessly!

          And then it was all over. No festivals till May now but I’m seeing Waxahatchee tomorrow night and Sleater Kinney in two weeks.

          (Probably no one will read this since it’s Monday now but I had to get all my excitement out!)

  34. I’ve had the kind of week that just gets worse with each day so… yeah not feeling my normal self love feels that I do for Valentines Day. Like no one is interested in me in a romantic way, no one ever has been, and I just get tired of always taking caring of myself and loving myself. Care and love from someone else is so different and I just don’t get to feel that at all. It sucks. I’m really good with self love and self care but not currently, not for valentines this year. Especially cause I just found out a friend has been hiding something from me and kinda lying, and like we talked about it but I’m still really hurt. A majority of my friends in the last two months have been treating me really badly and not really talking to me. And now this friend who was one of the few that I was still feeling good about has lied and I just don’t even know what to think anymore. I don’t know who my friends are. I need someone to care for me for a bit, I can’t do it right now.

    • Hi!

      I’m really, really sorry that things have been sucking recently.

      I can’t really relate to the friends issue, because I never leave the house and my Real Friends all live on the other side of the country from me at the moment, but it sounds like you need some sort of hug or something.

      I hope you get that or at the very least wallow in self pity for a night and drink hot chocolate and then get up the next day and say

      “I am awesome and I deserve to be treated that way”

      IDK if that helps or not, tho

      Unsolicited Online Stranger Sympathy

      Hope Things Look Up For You, basically

    • I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. I’ve been through times when I realized the people closest to me didn’t care about me and times when they came through for you and I hope you know life won’t always be this way and that you are worthy of the most wonderful friendships and romances ever. Keep telling yourself that til you believe it.

    • I always relate to your comments! It’s so so hard when you’ve done all the work on yourself and you only give good vibes and kindness and all you seem to get back to ugliness:( all the feels.

      • <3 <3 <3 I'm sorry you too know those feels! We all deserve the kindness and happiness we put out in the world. It can be very discouraging to not find that same energy you have in anyone else, but I know there are kind good people and I hope to find them someday and I hope you do too <3

        • Yes, so many amazing people on this planet! I just have always had a tricky time connecting with them.
          I adore Valentine’s Day because love takes millions of sacred and beautiful forms. But after a year of really sad dating I do feel adrift in my hoping for a life partner someday. I finally did what they say to do and became the person I would want to meet and now all I hear is “I’m too perfect and that’s scary”?!? What? No I’m not, I just am working really hard to be my best self. This human experience thing is taxing to say the least.

          • Connecting with people is so hard! Even after knowing someone for a few years I still often don’t feel as strong of a connection as I see the same people have with others in like 1/4 of the time. Its very frustrating!!
            Oh my gosh that is frustrating. I haven’t gotten it in a dating sense, cause no one wants to date me. But friends-wise many people have said that I am just such a good friend and they aren’t so it’s hard to be my friend cause they feel they don’t meet my expectations of friendship. like what? I just know what good friendship should look like and expect common respect and kindness, and like someone who wants to communicate and hang out with me. Those are my only expectations, and I do as much as I can to be those things for them, but very few people do that for me. I really don’t think just communicating and being kind is too high of an expectation.
            Finding people to connect with is so hard and then actually connecting with them is even harder and its exhausting!

  35. Hi guys!! How’s everyone!!! It’s Friday!! I can’t believe I’m early to this week’s FOT. Ah..valentine’s day..galentine’s day.. <3 There is just wayyyyyyy too much pink and red in the stores right now. ANyway!! How was your week?? How is your hair? HAPPY GALENTINES DAY! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! <3 My valentine is still far away but next year for sure we'll be together =D

    I'm doing okay, everyhting seems so hectic right now. LIKE WHY WORLD WHY. Why is adulting so hard you guys….

    In other news, Christine finished her medical clearance, thank lesbian Jesus. Now onto the interview! YIKES lol. But I have total confidence in her. ITS HAPPENING AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

    LA Marathon is on Sunday!! My friend is running and I'll be seeing her at the finish line =) Super exciting but the weather….like how is it 90 degrees in February!! What happened to El Nino? No rain..no coolness..WHY SOCAL WHY

    I've been training for our relay race, Ragnar pretty well. I've also discovered that I love running at night. Like I used to think running around 6am or 7am was pretty cool but it turns out I love the night more. It gives me a chance to really focus IDK WHY. And also I get to use my cool headlamp.


    Look like a dude.

    So I made the Kawasaki Ninja Metal earth and boy is it cool!!! It is definitely one of my favorite pieces next to the T-Rex I posted last week. This was super duper labor intensive…it took me like 6 hours I thought I was never going to finish. Up until the VERY LAST 10 pieces I just felt like it was more complicated that it should have been. LOL but here we are! It looks really good. And it has a tiny kickstand.

    • Oh my word that Ninja looks amazing. I hope your friend does well. I’m literally 1 minute away from the marathon route, and it’s always fun/interesting to see people are dressed up in costume.

      • WOW you’re that close to the course? COOL!!! I’m trying to see her at Mann’s Chinese theater then the finish line of course at Santa Monica Pier. Which is going to be a total nightmare to find parking. I just realized I could Uber there but it would be such a pain to go to Mann’s then come home then Uber LOL.

        People who do it in costumes man. OMG. My friend told me she did Hollywood Half Marathon and there was a guy who had a watermelon on his head the whole way 13.1 miles!!!!

      • It’s everything and more. Like I can cuss and everything. Plus it’s so funny that I can see all these people who give me a side eye look and a sort of WTH ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU CRAZY look. IDK why but I even feel like I do a lot better running at the end of the day. At first I was scared to even run on the sidewalk lol. I try to run against traffic as much as possible so I can totally see everything coming towards see and vice versa. I have this reflective vest I haven’t tested yet

    • You look quite dashing in that picture. (Haha, DASHING i’m gonna go shut up now)

      I’m so glad the few times i’ve visited SoCal, the weather’s been temperate. I can’t imagine 90 in February, that sounds like a lot of nope.

      Fist buuummmppppppp!

    • Wow metal earth + Kawasaki ninja = freaking awesome. I definitely have to start some easy ones now and build up to that. Sad I missed the T. rex that would be a second childhood dream come true build. Hope your lady’s interview goes well. Sending you rainy days from the uk. I used to love running in the rain before my knees crapped out. The dark not so much, but headtorches are awesome so any excuse to wear one.

      • Headtorches sounds a lot better than headlamps!

        The TRex was tedious if anything..like putting ‘bones’ together to make like a rib cage. Lol. I was surprised at how not complicated it was to actually make. I think the steps are just a bit repetitive.

        Thanks for the well wishes!

  36. Ah, Valentine’s Day. Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever celebrated it…. unless you count giving out candygrams in grade school? I’m back home (San Diego) for the entire month for my birthday and I’m enjoying the freedom to dress however the hell I want right now, which is great because I got this amazing shirt as a birthday gift to myself…

    (crossing my fingers that it uploaded)

    Hope you all have a wonderful day/week/month/year.
    You deserve it.

  37. “who’s the special someone?”

    “ME”

    And then I grabbed my vegan cupcake from the cashier and ran ~~~

    I’ve never dated anyone, ever

    Party Line Since High-school:

    “oh God, that sounds Exhausting. I’d have to like, leave the house. And talk to people.

    I could be napping.”

    It should be noted that, in high school, I was a chronically depressed person who somehow thought they were straight

    And that, after high-school, I was a chronically depressed queermo who just

    Never Left The House, Ever.

    Not A Lot Has Changed!!

    I’m moving to Portland at the end of the month so this weekend I will be packing, looking at job listings on Craigslist, crying, looking at apartments on Craigslist, and then crying more.

    Tonight I’m seeing Deadpool with a bunch of college boys from work, though.

    So that should be fun.

  38. i kinda love valentine’s day in a “gross i wanna barf” kind of way. like, i love love LOOOOVE seeing all my cute queer couple friends being gross and in love all over social media so that’s enough to make me not completely hate it. maybe i just don’t like how straight people celebrate? like, if someone bought me roses and made reservations/took me to an upscale-ish american family restaurant, i’d be pissed. but also, if that’s what you and your boo are into, more power to y’all.

    also, i like internet valentine’s cards. so here’s one for you featuring marceline the gay vampire queen.

  39. I’m spending Valentine’s Day with my girlfriend and this is the first time ever that I haven’t been single on Valentine’s so I’m actually sort of looking forward to it! It would be better if it wasn’t going to be so cold and rainy (we were wanting to go on a hike), but I’m just happy that neither of us has to work, so we can spend the day together 🙂

    I want to bake her cookies or brownies or something because she loves chocolate, anyone have any good recipes?

  40. This weekend I’ll be going to see Deadpool in theaters(by myself, because everyone else is not about that New Movie Cinema scene; too many people, but I’ve been looking forward to the Deadpool movie for ever, so my cares are literally no where to be seen) and possibly-maybe working.

    At some point, I’m going to squeeze in some baking, and drawing schmoopy fictional characters because while I may be unimpressed with Valentines day, I am a huge sucker for doodling nerds in love. I’m trying to set up an art blog(because I need to get more into that art scene- I’ve been slacking pretty hard lately), so if everything works out, I’ll hopefully be doing requests! I’m excited. High hopes for this weekend!

  41. I’ve had a pretty okay week! I finished driver’s ed! I took the written test! I went back to art therapy yesterday after a month! I love the work I’m doing for the workshop I’m mentoring, I wrote to my best friend for the first time in forever and her response just lightened my entire existence, and I was offered a volunteer opportunity that just made me feel really seen/like I’m doing something, and an opportunity to help out with a magazine I like.

    And I signed up for a college class! Which is like a huge deal since the last time I tried college was before I got “better” and I’ve been terrified to do anything like this for years. But since my grandma’s probably going to continue to go downhill (she has Alzheimer’s), I’m like rededicating myself to her, and I’m trying to work towards getting either my undergraduate or graduate degree from her university. I know she wanted someone else in the family to go where she went, but with our family history I don’t think it was really possible. Anyways, that helps, like wanting to do something for someone I love, cause whenever I get discouraged I don’t give up as easily as I used to.

    I’m also working on a collection of writing that’s gonna be in her memory, and so creating has gotten so much better cause I’m doing it just to make sure it exists, cause I need it, you know? I used to want the world to know my name, but right now, I really just want my grandma to.

    My mom read out loud one of my statuses to my family about institutionalized racism, and I just wore my “Life is not a white privilege.” t-shirt out to therapy and all over the whiter part of town yesterday, and she retold the story about when I was little and told her “the man is keeping us down!” and so she’s upset with me which is something I’m not used to and I’m uncomfortable but it’s okay because I can understand why.

    I’m working on Valentine’s day, but I’m super super hoping that even though it’s super cold I can still see one of my friends, we’re planning on sitting at Barnes and Noble and drinking coffee and people watching and it’s one of my favorite things ever so I hope it works out!

    Hope you’re all having a great weekend and have an even better Valentine’s (if you celebrate)!!

    • I love hearing your updates – congratulations on all the good stuff you did this week. I hope your college course will be inspiring and positive.

      Your comment “I used to want the world to know my name, but right now I really just want my grandma to” squeezed my heart. What an amazing thing that you can take something so hard and react with love. What a beautiful heart you have.

      Happy Valentine’s weekend ~ sending you friendship-love.

      • This made me smile so much, thank you!

        Like, this is so lovely, it’s going in my “Read this when you’re feeling down” folder, really thank you.

        Happy Valentine’s weekend, sending you friendship-love right back. <3

  42. I really like flowers but my very environmentally-aware lady does not approve BUT she sent me a succulent garden in a pink pot (this is like the very definition of compromise I think) and wrote an Albus Dumbledore quote on the card and SWOON.

  43. Valentine’s Day is my all time favorite holiday because it’s a celebration of love! I handmade Valentines for all my coworkers. I’m moving on Monday, so Valentine’s Day will be full of packing and cleaning. Depending on how much I get done, I may take myself to Carol again.

    Happy Valentine’s Day, you beautiful queers!

  44. OMG YOU GUYS I FORGOT TO ADD THAT WE HAD THESE VALENTINE GRAM THINGS AT WORK!!! So for like $1 you get a card and it comes with like chocolate and a small balloon and candy so I totally bought everyone on my unit one. LOL. Then I had like 3 left over which I sent anonymously BECAUSE YOU CAN to the cute girl in the other department.

  45. Guys, I miss you. There’s been a lot happening. Lots has happened. I’m alive, I’m still sober, I’m taking it one day at a time. Love you and hope you’re doing well, please consider this a long distance pillow hug – sorry I dropped my end of the tin can, when I pick it up again, I hope I have a steadier grip. <3

  46. I’m hanging out with a girl. We are going on a non-Valentine’s date, because we both believe the holiday is ridiculous. It just happens that we only have Sunday free to meet up. I’m trying to convince her to go see the new Ingrid Bergman documentary with me. Looks like I may lose out to Kung Fu Panda 3, tho.

  47. My plans are to go to Deadpool movie. Make puff pastry pizza fer lunch and maybe some pastelitos. Then go home panic finish a project that is due Monday and panic study for a midterm that is Tuesday.
    I’m still in the sketching phase of my project because the thumbnail I went with was not translating well in the half size so now I’m struggling with one of my backups.

    But none of that may matter because whether or not my school will still exist is up to a Republican majority State Senate and Democratic governor finding a middle ground.
    And the State Treasurer is running for a federal office which is kinda how we got into this mess. A Republican in a state position trying to run for federal office and making all his decisions with that big juicy federal position in mind. Fuck the people, what look good to the Republican bigwigs/goes with party line. If I don’t make jokes or laugh Imma hurl.

    So here’s a Spanglish joke I came up with on Wednesday-

    Spanglish speaker: “Ay, no.”

    English only person: “What do you know?”

  48. I’m doing something with my gal pal – I planned the day (we’ll rent a crappy romance movie and have a picnic in a small park on the harbour) and then she has a surprise for the night, so I actually don’t know what’ll be happening then.

    I’m pretty excited, but I’m also a bit of a grinch with Valentine’s Day (similar to Christmas) – it’s a lovely thought, but has also become a heterocentric capitalist event based on consumerism and a lot of the rituals (roses, dinner) feel a bit contrived for me?

    Basically, I’m debating whether to get my gal pal roses, because I know she’d like them, but on principle I don’t believe in getting roses on Valentine’s Day – I just like to stick it to the man, what can I say.

  49. Real talk warning.

    I’m having a friend valentines day with a bunch of single friends and I’m so excited about their friendship so I couldn’t imagine a better valentine’s day! V-day for me is like new years, where I’m defining my relationship goals for the next year. So here goes. I’ve been trying to clear my head and figuring out what it is exactly I want in a relationship. I’m done freaking out over labels or if I even have a strong preference for one gender or another, but I wish I had a clearer idea of what my preferences were at all. So my goals for this year are to know my needs better and focus on my other love: my thesis.

    Happy valentine’s day you beautiful people!

      • Thanks! It’s a new found love, I spent 3 years resenting it and wishing for other theses and not believing I was worthy of my thesis, but I’ve recently come around to realize I do deserve my thesis and it’s a wonderful thesis flaws and all, and I think in my 4th year of pursuing it I’m finally ready to settle down with the thesis I had all along.

        My thesis really has all the best qualities: it challenges me intellectually, shows my strengths and encourages me to do better, connects me to other people (who have data I can use), and will always be there for me as long as I am there for it.

  50. Unfortunately I am not celebrating Valentine’s Day because i don’t have a girlfriend but one of my friends has is going out with a girl tomorrow and I’m very happy for her. I’m hoping to have a girlfriend though by the time formal comes around so I can have a date.
    At school we are celebrating galentines day though which will be fun and I am in charge of the celebrations (of course) and we are having a bakesale for Girl up as a fundraiser. So I’m looking forward to that!
    And a girl at school is reading my fave book, the miseducation of Cameron post and we’re going to have a lengthy conversation about it on the way to softball so that will be fun. It will be a very gay time.

  51. Hooray for all the loves. I generally wouldn’t give Valentines Day any more thought than how fucking packed my brunch service at work would be. However, I have managed to find myself in a fantastically healthy relationship. I feel like buddy the elf. Rock climbing, sappy sappy relationship time capsule making, and heart shaped pizza to ensue this weekend. Geez 🙂

  52. Hooray for this thread existing, because I kissed a girl and it was awkward and weird but now I am all glowy and happy and I didn’t know who to tell before I remembered that this thread was a thing.

    So I am late to both the FOT party and the kissing party but they’re both nice lovely things and I’m happy for all of you.

    • Yayyyy on feeling glowy and happy! I wish you more glowy and happy feelings from here on out and hooray for lovely kisses!!! Thank you for sharing your wonderful moment. You’re not late, you’ve arrived just on time (to both parties).

      My first kiss with a girl was on a dare, our fingers kinda connected and we were just trying to find each other in the dark (we asked them to turn off the light) and I was trying so hard to convince myself I wasn’t glowy and happy like “NO I’M JUST NERVOUS THIS IS JUST NERVOUS FEELINGS. I MEAN… I’M NOT NERVOUS. TOTALLY CASUAL.”

  53. Can’t lie, we went away for the weekend. Girlfriend has a super hard time just being at home and relaxing, and I knew she needed a “do nothing” weekend, so we are currently in the Smokey Mountains in a cabin in Gatlinburg. Have locked ourselves away up here and aren’t leaving until Sunday night. It’s heaven!! Happy Valentines Day everyone!

  54. I had an atrocious week. Two midterms, got fired from my job on Wednesday for seemingly no reason (they gave me a reason, but the reason they gave me makes it seem even more like they were looking for a reason to fire me and it had nothing to do with anything I actually did), my birthday was Friday (12th of February, the worst day of the year…), and Valentine’s Day (my least favorite holiday) is Sunday. So, yeah, a pretty terrible week. What am I doing for Valentine’s Day? Homework, and looking for a new job.

  55. VALENTINES

    You have a dog Valentine but have to leave them for a gig and have no impending plans after. You decide to hit the town and treat yoself with a festival show, but when you get to town you suddenly realise the money you need is at home *womp womp*. Suddenly a cute girl erupts out of nowhere with a free ticket she doesn’t need anymore to the show you wanted to see anyway! And later when you go to line up for the show she is there too as the spare ticket was for her bailing friend-with-a-boyfriend and she’s probably gay and then you go to the show together as new buddies.

    I don’t actually remember her name and I’ll probably never see her again but that was bizarre and mega fun- thanks universe!

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