Hello my perfect polka dotted pink hearts! I’m so excited to spend Valentine’s Weekend with all of you and your partners, kittens and favorite house plants.
I’ll say it first: I kind of love Valentine’s Day. I know it’s a made up holiday that reinforces heterocapitalist narratives of romance and partnership, but I think it’s possible to say “fuck that” while still latching on to a fun excuse to tell the people in our lives how babely we think they are. Plus, it can be a useful moment to reflect on our weird, sordid, awful, lovely romantic pasts. Like in 6th grade, when I told Troy Hall I had a crush on him in his Valentine and he showed the whole class like a pre-teen asshole. Or in college, when my boyfriend dumped me a week before V-Day and a girl I had a very unrequited crush on gave me a cactus to cheer me up, “because love hurts.”
I have recently and by some strange miracle wandered into a healthy relationship for the first time in my life, and neither of us care about Valentine’s Day except as another opportunity to induce vomiting in everyone around us with our affection. So she asked me to “be her Valentine” with a customized pizza (think red sauce heart) and I felt like Mia Thermopolis. I bought her the gayest gift imaginable but I can’t tell you what it is because she reads this website. I’ll just have to post a picture in the comments on Sunday!
If you, like me, are dating someone new, I’ve got some date ideas and gift suggestions for you. I hope you make each other feel stupid and special. If you’re in an established relationship, I hope your person takes out the trash without you asking. If you’re single, either happily or despairingly so, I hope you eat too much chocolate and drink too much red wine with someone you love this weekend. I hope you all get your faces licked by dogs because really what greater love is there?
This is my actual favorite part of my job, when you all tell me about your lives. How are you spending your Valentine’s Day weekend? Perhaps reading poems in soft pants while watching movies? What did you do this week? Have you seen any weird bugs lately? Can I see your favorite Channing Tatum gif or a screencapped Snapchat of your best friend’s cat?
Tell me all about it, Valentines.
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