FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: I’m Definitely Still At Work, How About You?

Hello, mouseketeers, and welcome to this week’s Friday Open Thread! We have a Friday Open Thread every Friday because any other day of the week wouldn’t make any sense ever since we gave it that name. Kidding! It’s because we like you and we want to hang out with you on the weekends just like the people in your life who actually get to see your face!

I’m currently in the middle of prepping for the National Young Feminist Leadership Conference, which is happening this weekend. (And a bunch of y’all are going, which is awesome.) Feminism is my entire life, and this has been – and still is – a really amazing time, but also, I am so busy, and all my emails are unread, and I don’t think I’ve tweeted for, like, a week, and last night I saw Tig Notaro at a Planned Parenthood dinner (she was amazing), but even through my laughter, work was calling to me.

It didn’t call to me when Geneva and I got to the photobooth, though.


While Geneva and I work with the rest of FMF staff tonight to prep for the conference, pack up all of the purple and pink materials on Earth, and — maybe this will just be me — gather and test a bunch of random extension cords (just in case), I would like to add one more item to my to-do list: loving on you.

I want to hear about your day, and your weekend, and how your life is going, and your job, and also your pet, and your girlfriend/wife/partner if you have one, and what you had for dinner, and how you really want a Rita’s water ice, or maybe how you don’t really care for custard but at the right time you can really go for some gelato. I also wanna hear about your plans to come to DC and meet me this weekend and this crazy conference called life, if you’re into that. And most of all, I just wanna hear about you so we can sort of form a thing, you know, like a super-close Internet friendship that they used to illustrate in movies in the early 2000’s.


The first rule of Friday Open Thread Club is that you always talk about yourself, and the second rule is that you post as many pictures of adorable sh*t as possible so that I can respond in-kind with pictures of my dog. The third rule is that there are no rules, and if you don’t like the first two, you can still say whatever the f*ck you want and I’ll respond with love and affection because that’s how things work around here. I just wanna know your life.


How To Post a Photo In The Comments:

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3. Go forth and jam.

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Carmen spent six years at Autostraddle, ultimately serving as Straddleverse Director, Feminism Editor and Social Media Co-Director. She is now the Consulting Digital Editor at Ms. and writes regularly for DAME, the Women’s Media Center, the National Women’s History Museum and other prominent feminist platforms; her work has also been published in print and online by outlets like BuzzFeed, Bitch, Bust, CityLab, ElixHER, Feministing, Feminist Formations, GirlBoss, GrokNation, MEL, Mic and SIGNS, and she is a co-founder of Argot Magazine. You can find Carmen on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr or in the drive-thru line at the nearest In-N-Out.

Carmen has written 919 articles for us.


  1. I’m currently watching Funny Cats and Kittens Meowing Compilation 2013 and dying to get out of work. Also my boss told me I have to do a presentation next tuesday and I’m sort of anxious about it but procrastinating a lot?

  2. I’m just now walking in to work, and for some reason your post makes me want to be BFFs with you and also to tell you everything. :)

    • today i went to an industrial sow farm and hog processing plant for class. i am now eating chinese food with my professor and her husband. this has been a very strange day.

  3. I’m marking first-year essays about white privilege. First one, and I already want to throw myself out of a window after the first paragraph. SIGH.

    My reward for my labour will be watching the Bomb Girls movie, so at least there’s a very awesome light at the end of this tunnel.

    • I am so excited because you just reminded me that I can look for this online tonight — and that will be how I spend the rest of my evening (post bad-wine-drinking and pasta-cooking). Thank you!!!

  4. Open thread! I always miss these bc fucking time difference. But this evening I am up late drinking beer in bed bc I have a long drive across wales tomorrow and I thought it was more responsible to stay at home and drink beer than go out and drink beer. So here I am. In bed. Drinking beer. Enjoying the fact that I’m actually awake for an open thread.

  5. I was ecstatic for winning a comment award, but then my mood went down when I found out I have to go back to the mechanic tomorrow to get my car fully fixed. I am also a bit meh cause I am at work right now and it’s pretty dead. All I want is a nice vape, and a neat glass of whiskey(thanks to that thread today), maybe of the Bushmills variety.

  6. Well helloooooo I’m currently sitting in my night class after a day with the kiddies. Success of the day: Mystery Skype with a class in NC who hadn’t skyped a class outside the US of A yet this school year! AND my nuggets got to see a hedgehog for the FIRST TIME IN THEIR LIVES. They had no idea what it was (and started asking for class pets) They’re so flipping cute trying to translate porcupine into English. I do not know woodland creature names in Spanish yet. New mission in life.

  7. Tomorrow I have to take a professional responsibility exam for being a lawyer. So I am studying. Which is not fun at all.
    The bunnies are helping though.

    Katie is helping by climbing into my water glass.

    Spencer is helping by being a ridiculous dust bunny.

  8. I finally have time to watch House of Cards tonight!

    So, after weeks of telling myself I needed to watch season 2, I’m binging through all the episodes. With beer. And chocolate. Woot!

  9. I am currently watching Sherlock (BBC) BECAUSE JOHN AND SHERLOCK’S LOVE IS REAL!
    It is not canon yet, but it will be, and until that time, I will be reading far too much angsty, porny, johnlock fan fiction and shirking on my other duties as a student and a living organism (who needs food and sleep when you have the OTP of the universe?!).

  10. Off to bed now, going to wake up in a country where gay marriage is legal. Well I say wake up, I’ll still be reading at midnight so…hey in 10 minutes gay marriage is legal in England & Wales.

  11. Went to see 12 Years a Slave tonight and have lost all faith in humanity. I would like to see more pictures of cute pets because I am petless and sad.

  12. I was going to go out to Happy Hour with some friends, but my little old lady dog has been having some issues with her arthritis and needed some mama love.

    Also there’s Chinese food, and an episode of Hannibal, and 5 whole games of Candy Crush waiting for me. *air guitar*

  13. I’m just about to head INTO work (part-time, minimum wage jobs at movie theaters don’t just do themselves, friends) but first I have to get these paint stains out of my work pants (which is seemingly impossible, any tips would be SUPA appreciated).

    despite that crud, I am very excited to throw myself in this open thread for the first time! As an offering, here is a real life bonafide pic of my friend’s dog–her name is Whiskey:

    • Rubbing alcohol should take it out. Just keep scrubbing at it. Pants should be durable enough to take it. (It can be quite abrasive on more delicate fabrics) good luck!

  14. update from last week’s cute girl panic smile episode! cute girl is still cute, and also we said sentences to each other and it went well! :)))

  15. I’m going to bed right now even though it’s only 7pm because I have to get up at 1am to catch the bus to the train to travel to another state to see my adorable nephews and niece who is crawling and apparently trying to eat everything she finds on the floor.
    It’s not a pet, but here’s a picture of my stuffed bear helping with grocery shopping:

  16. Working a whiskey tasting festival, and I cannot drink any of the whisk(e)ys. Basically a nightmare.

  17. I just got to work – I get to spend the next 4 hours swiping ID cards for drunk freshmen. Joy and rapture :p

    But it’s alumnae weekend for my rugby team! So all our old players and coach are back and we get to play them tomorrow (and get clobbered, but who’s keeping score?). I’ll be cheering from the sideline though because I have (another) concussion…(whoops)

  18. I am currently holding a bottle of wine (no glass because I detest dishes) and watching all the lesbian movies on Netflix that I haven’t ever heard of. Blue is the Warmest color died in about 10 minutes btw. Just, no.

  19. As a grad student who also works full time, Friday nights are my time to veg out and make a small mess of my apartment. I am usually very neat and tidy, so this is my bizarre way of feeling reckless and youthful (and also I’m too poor and tired to go out).

    So I make my little mess and I pick it all up on Saturday morning after sleeping in a bit.

    It’s the small joys.

  20. I had a fun week of vacation from my grad program. April is going to be super busy at both of my jobs and at school, so it was a most appreciated break. Tomorrow I will be at Emerald City Comic Con here in Seattle with my girlfriend and friend! Fingers crossed I get to meet/see all the people I want to meet/see.

  21. I’m supposed to be marking quizzes, doing math homework, cleaning my house and practicing the new Kick release. Instead, I am typing at you. Or in haiku form:

    Cups and bowls unwashed
    reflect in my laptop screen.

    • Procrastination all around. I should be learning 46 new vocab terms for Spanish, but that just isn’t about to happen.

        • Do you think I could just give my Spanish teacher the transcript of our conversation and she’d give me credit? Why do I doubt this…

  22. I scrolled through this thread so quickly and just saw so many terrifyingly red eyes. I just returned home from an outing to the grocery store where I saw a teacher at my school and who I’m guessing was her girlfriend. She’s probably the only teacher that I can identify as being a real person outside of school. Now I’m starting Bomb Girls. ITS SO GOOD.

  23. i have literally just discovered the Muse song “Undisclosed Desires” & i may or may not have it on repeat while tearING MY OWN HAIR OUT?????? please send help. this song will be the death of me. put it in the obit. i can’t handle this.

    (fyi, i like the song. but it’s going to end me.)

    • “and your girlfriend/wife/partner if you have one”


      im sorRY

      • Aw. Can I offer you a non-creepy consensual Internet hug? Things will not always be like this. They really won’t. I promise.

        • -toddles over for hug-

          haha i feel so pathetic. it’s been like this for literally months, & i’ve never had a relationship, & the loneliness is getting to me so hardcore that it turns into actual physical pain ahahahahahahahahahahhahaaaahahaha.

          sorry : x

        • You’re not pathetic. I know what that feels like. I spent a lot of years alone before I started to feel okay about myself and actually believe that I could have a functional relationship with another human. It does hurt, emotionally and physically.

          I saw another post you wrote about skin/body issues, and I wanted to comment on it but I was a few days late to the party – just again wanted to offer some sympathy, because I also spent like 20 years of my life feeling hideously ugly because of my skin problems. I was pretty sure the first person who saw me without a shirt on would run away screaming. But I found some things that helped, and the scars actually did fade, and I can now even wear cute tops in the summer without melting anyone’s eyeballs.

          So again, it WILL get better. Hugs. ♥

        • i just– don’t even have any way of finding anyone? i tried okcupid & now i just feel kind of sad being on there & i don’t really touch it anymore, & other than that, i have… no idea. along with the personal stuff, i just have no clue how i’m even supposed to try finding anybody who might like me. and who would actually…like me at all haha.

          ahhhhh :(( yeah, i have bad acne that’s like, everywhere. the only reason i was able to start wearing tank tops in the summer again is because i just got too hot to care anymore, but, aha. nothing that i’ve tried, including prescriptions, has worked. it’s not enough that my body is unattractive, i guess; my skin had to hit puberty & go on the train to fucked-up ville. : P

          i just wish i could squeeze all the thoughts out of my brain because it’s not good. i can’t even distract myself most of the time, & seeing couples or articles about couples & sex, just makes me feel worse. like, i’m glad for my friends who are with someone, legitimately. really, i am. but it also hurts & it makes me feel even more worthless & i’m just really being stupid by babbling about this but it’s on my mind nearly 24/7 & i want it to stop. if i can’t get with anyone, & i can’t even be physically affectionate with my friends, i just wish the feelings would go away.

          (wanting to be affectionate physically & not having the guts to ask if it’s okay, & other people being just kind of “eh” & uncomfortable at it, also sucks. i can’t even articulate it. it’s like… everything just hurts & i’m stupid sorry)

        • :( I wish I could give you all the advice everyone tried to give me that would help you skip all the painful parts, but I know it doesn’t work that way. I’m sure you’ve heard people tell you that you won’t find someone until you can find happiness within yourself, and that’s frustrating to hear because how are you supposed to get there when part of not feeling happy is not being able to find someone? But the truth is that as long as you believe you’re unworthy, you will block people from getting close to you (even if you don’t consciously realize that you’re doing it).

          As for the acne thing, in my case the worst part of it was that I compulsively picked the hell out of my skin, even areas that weren’t that bad pimple-wise. So not only did my skin look monstrous, but I experienced the crushing shame of knowing that I was largely doing it to myself. But I couldn’t stop. As for products, I tried everything on the market and for years nothing helped, but I did eventually find two products that seem to work for me: the benzoyl peroxide treatment at (it bleaches the hell out of everything and dries the skin, but it kills those damn bacteria), and pure willow bark extract. I know not every product works for everyone but those are maybe a couple more you could try if you want to.

          And I TOTALLY get you on the platonic-physical-affection thing. I’ve always been super jealous of people who can hug and cuddle and sling their arms around each other like it’s nothing. I crave touch but I flinch and shy away from it (from anyone other than my gf) unless I consciously force myself not to.

          So anyway. In place of more condescending advice that you’ve already heard, I’ll just say that I know you will have to go through your own hurts and ordeals in your life, but I hope you can believe that you will come through them and you will be okay.

        • aaa i’m allergic to benzoyl peroxide. it gives me a chemical burn & makes my eyelids swell. and so far nothing has worked, not even prescriptions :c so i need to make an appointment with a dermatologist. i just am scared– like i said in that comment on that article, haha– that if i ever got lucky enough to end up with someone, that they would be grossed out, ultimately, by my body. i’d like to think there’s people out there who wouldn’t care or mind, but…..

          :(((( i’m sorry. has the picking subsided at all? i tend to pick at my skin a lot, but probably nothing like what you’ve experienced.

          :(( aaaaaa. i just want to snuggle people all the time, haha :(( but i feel like no one wants to do that with me. and then people think it’s solely because i want a girlfriend, & it’s like, no, i… have to show affection physically? to people? it can be platonic? please can we cuddlepuddle like tiny little burritos? (i’ve been told i might find cuddle people at a-camp, at least?)

          ♥ ♥ ♥

        • Oh, BP’s no good then. It turns my face red and flaky too but if I use it with a layer of oil underneath it’s not too bad. But if it makes your eyelids swell then that’s definitely bad.

          I’d still recommend trying the willow bark extract, though. Not mixed in anything, just applied directly to your skin (it’s super gentle and shouldn’t cause dryness or anything, unless you also happen to be allergic to willow trees). I use it in the morning and at night, and I’m amazed how much it helps.

          I don’t know what it is about your body that you think people would be grossed out by and I’m obviously not going to ask you to tell us, but a) I bet it’s something that seems way more awful to you than it would to someone who liked you and b) there are people with all kinds of unusual things going on with their bodies who successfully find special someones that love them no matter what.

          The picking is a lot better now that I have the acne under control. Thanks for asking. It also helps that I’m overall a more confident person than I used to be, and don’t need to zone out into a fantasy land to escape my life (which I used to do when picking).

          I bet you would find cuddle buddies at A-Camp! I haven’t been, but it sounds like a pretty cuddle-friendly environment.

        • mmm i’ll have to look into it then : ) i’ve tried tea tree oil & witch hazel; neither’s really done a lot for me. but i’ll definitely look for willow. i don’t think i’m allergic to them.

          i’m glad it’s better now :))) that’s really good!

          eeee i hope so. i’m going for the first time this May, so i’m nervous. eheh.

        • For skin treatment, I saw a youtube video of a girl with really bad acne for 15 plus years and nothing worked for her, but then she started the oil cleansing method and her skin is clear for the first time ever; it’s been a month of clear skin for her. The theory is that most acne medications DRY the skin out, but this causes overproduction of oil which combined with dry skin flakes, makes environment for acne. The oil cleansing method cleans skin (including excess oil) but without overdrying. I tried it and it’s really shocking how clean and not oily my skin was after cleaning with oil! It’s cheap and easy to do (5 min), so if you want to try it on part of your skin, might be worth trying? Don’t give up hope, you *will* find a solution for clearing up your skin! Anyway, google oil cleansing method if you’re interested. Best wishes!

    • You know when like Caitlin posts comments I read them IDK why and then I have the feelings like when I see Mey’s posts etc and I’m like I wanna hug this person. =) Don’t worry about the loneliness, gfs,wives,partners are overrated. =p (dont tell christine! haha)

      • haha sorry : x my comments always suck. (but i am always up for hugs ehehehehehehe :} hugs.)

        aaaa but but but :c bweee.

    • oh but i did buy a really nice red lipstick
      & i never used to care about makeup

      (it’s so reeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddd whee)

  24. GUYS I signed the rental agreement to my new place yesterday. IM MOVING OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE TODAY. Considering they are the main source if stress in my life (oh Christianity and it’s complexities), this is extra exciting! I have my own safe place!! Well, outside if Autostraddle of course.

  25. long day of procrastination. i was supposed to study; instead i slept. i was supposed to mail some paperwork to my new job; instead i played with this little girl aaallll day long. life is good

  26. I’m also interviewing my girlfriend. I asked her to help me with questions for an author interview I’m doing and her questions were RIDICULOUS so now she has to answer them all.

  27. My gf, roomies and I just partook in some delicious treats and now we’re watching Whose Line bloopers on YouTube.

  28. No kids tonight. I made naan and now seem to be eating all the naan. And watching a weird queer movie on Netflix.

    Have a lovely confrence.

  29. I am sitting backstage working, which means listening to some amazing people sing a lot of Johnny Cash songs. This is the last weekend of this show and I’m going to miss it a lot.
    Also. I am admiring all these happy pets and really wishing I could have one.

  30. Your Friday Open Threads are forcing me to realize I spend Friday nights studying. I think in my head I thought I sometimes went out, had a drink, but no–really, I don’t. I’m currently reading about ear wax removal and have no immediate plans for a normal human conversation. Someone please have a whiskey on my behalf.

  31. I’m on my way home from my first queer function at the University of North Texas and running late for a long-distance game of Cards Against Humanity with my long-distance lady friend. I really hope she doesn’t stay up too terribly late on my account..

  32. I’m a grad student and only have to go one hour to school on Fridays so I just realized I usually don’t do much on Fridays, so i’ve been on tumblr all day and now I’m currently looking for cookie recipes cause I decided I’m on a mission to make cookies tomorrow, and I’m really looking forward to that. Also I’m waiting for the new episode of Hannibal to start, also also I had an exam yesterday and I think I did pretty good so I’m happy about that.

  33. Waiting for my gf to come back from work while washing dishes and watching Roomba attempting to eat cat food right out of the bowl.

  34. I want to a recruitment/get to know you party for the progressive women’s (gay) sorority on campus and we played cards against humanity and it was wonderful (:

  35. Thinking that there must be some thread or forum or autostraddle group out there where people are organizing meet-ups/rideshares to Dinah Shore Weekend, because there are definitely enough queer ladies in Southern California without an L-word esque road trip crew to warrant such a thread. [If this isn’t already a thing, can we make it a thing?]

    That said, if anyone along the 15 freeway that’s too poor/busy to do the whole weekend wants to do just a Saturday day trip, I am so down for splitting gas/deciding who’s car is least likely to break down and leave us stranded in the desert. ^.^

  36. I’m babysitting my 3 year old nephew tonight. This is the first time I’ve been left alone with a kid. It’s going surprisingly well, I’ve even remembered to cut down on the swearing so he doesn’t surprise his mom with a new vocabulary tomorrow.

    • I DID! All the way down in SD, so I can only imagine what LA felt like. USGS says it was a 5.3 centered in La Habra.

      • Whoa. Didn’t know it was felt that far down. A few of my items were knocked down to the floor but no major damage, thankfully.

      • I’m on the northern edge of SD, but it was pretty weak by the time it got down here; I had no idea it was a 5 until I looked it up. Glad it doesn’t look like there’s any major damage up there. :)

        A little amused that this is the damage pic of choice I keep seeing on twitter.

  37. I was at school until 10:30 pm tonight. My MFA thesis musical goes into rehearsal in less than 2 weeks. Eek!

    In other news, today is my dog’s birthday. She’s 3. Yay!

  38. Went to China Town in LA and my ever loving co-workers were with me because at work we do this thing where we do a week long celebration for whoever has a birthday. CHINESE FOOD.

  39. Oh man! Totally missed this last night because time difference, also because I was in the office until 10:30 PM and had to get up this morning at 5:30 AM. Sometimes my life is glamorous, but the hours I’ve been keeping recently, not so much.

  40. My cat has been out for hours and hasn’t come back yet and I am worried. :( :( We moved to a new neighbourhood this month and there’s a big field nearby where coyotes hang out. He likes to wander sometimes but he usually comes back after a couple of hours. I walked around a bit calling his name but he didn’t come. I won’t be able to sleep until he comes back so might as well clean my house or something. Fuck. :(

    • Aaaand seconds after I posted that he came to the door. In addition to being the Internet’s best queer-lady website, Autostraddle clearly has magical pet protection powers. Goodnight!

  41. Friday is over but i just saw gifs on tumblr of Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne making out so great start to a Saturday

  42. I’m currently playing the game Free Realms because it’s about to finish at the end of the month. :( I’ve been playing on and off for 4 years and I’ll be sad to see it go. I’ll mostly miss the dapper outfits my character wears and my rainbow unicorn. :(

  43. I am about to go to bed after going out to a school social event, going to dinner +other bar to celebrate a friend’s birthday afterwards, coming home a few hours ago, and skyping with another friend… now I finally feel tired. (Sleep schedule has been pretty weird this week.) All in all a good night.

  44. so, turns out it only takes two bottles of sam adams to put me to sleep.
    i cant even tell you how this makes my little celtic heart sing.
    I thought my daughters generation would see this day in Wales, so I am beyond grateful that its mine and she will grow up knowing no different :)

  45. Currently in a state of confusion, I’m happy because England and Wales have finally got same sex marriage but over here in N.Ireland our bigoted politicans haven’t got their act together

    • Ireland and Scotland just aren’t as sly as DC and his manipulative gov. They only did it to win votes, because they’re failing so miserably at running the country. None the less, it’s a hugely exciting day for us, no matter the motivation a big change happened and we should celebrate! I hope Ireland and Scotland catch on soon, I feel like maybe we just got the ball rowling today,maybe?

  46. Can’t do it. Can’t read read the girls here. I am rich in drama and sexless in ITALY. I officially give up. I am retreating to my bed with my sketchbook, ice cream, a bunch of bad movies and Autostraddle. I’m on strike until my gaydar gets it’s ass in gear and stops making me chase after the wrong girls.

  47. Ha I’m the pull out king ;)
    var bc_params = {“api”:”hybrid”,”playerId”:”88218671001″,”playerKey”:”AQ~~,AAAAAAAn_zM~,B6LaFUvNnt2RhwK5cjOvZ4hHQyd5XXC9″};brightcove.createExperiences();

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