FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Hey Hot Stuff, Be My Valentine

Hey there, salted caramel chocolate cupcakes! No offense, but I prefer muffins. Anyway, welcome to this week’s Friday Open Thread, where we post photos of cats for adoption in various cities. JK! It’s just our weekly Internet party where we spill our guts, post photos of our crafting projects and also loved ones, and share our secrets. And it’s an extra-special week for this lovefest, because it’s Valentine’s Day this weekend! So let me fucking love you.

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I’m spending my Valentine’s Day wishing I lived in British Columbia, where my girlfriend Geneva lives the island life and enriches the daily experiences of everyone around her with that adorable face. We’re gonna do our usual thing and Skype while we eat pizza and drink champagne because we’re Marvin like that. I also attempted to send her a very oversize card, but the mail system is irreparably broken and they told me it was too big to mail. So basically, my love for Geneva is too much for anyone to handle and I’m spending this Saturday with hearts for eyes.

Of course, before the last few years of remarkable happiness in this area of my life, Valentine’s Day was a much darker time. I still ate a whole pizza, but I ate it alone. Okay, fine, it wasn’t that bad, but I’m saying that if the day of love fills you with unrepentant angst or rage or sadness, I feel you on that, too. I’m here for you no matter what. Also, did I mention I want to fucking love you right now. Cue kitten photo #2.

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So, kitten babes, how are you spending your Valentine’s Day? Whether you’re ordering Chinese takeout alone, hanging with your “gal pal” (or your actual gal pal), cuddling your pet, or having the kind of sex that makes your neighbors complain to the landlord, I’m game to be the one you talk to about it. Plus, when you post photos of your dog I’ll post photos of mine maybe with hearts added to the background! And if you reply to each other, we can all have a loving Valentine’s Day no matter what.

Also, as always, feel free to use this space to tell me what you’re eating for breakfast / lunch / dinner, what projects you’re working on right now, and how excited you are to be alive on this glorious day of our goddess, amen.

Love you, bro.


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Carmen is the Managing Digital Editor at Ms. , host of Bitch Media's POPAGANDA podcast and co-founder and Contributing Editor at Argot magazine. She previously served as Straddleverse Director, Feminism Editor and Social Media Co-Director at Autostraddle. You can find her on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr or in the drive-thru line at the nearest In-N-Out.

Carmen has written 926 articles for us.

309 Comments

  1. YOU GUYS. I purchased my very first harness/dildo, just in time for Valentine’s Day. I looked far and wide for the best of both, read all the reviews on here and other places, consulted my person (ya know, ’cause it’s also for them…) and finally settled on a SpareParts Joque and, get this, a TIE DYE vixskin mustang dildo…SO EXCITED. They arrive today. Ahhhhhh.
    I REALLY wanted a not-too-complicated harness and I sure as hell did not want the dildo to be flesh colored. Gross. But I also didn’t want a bright pink thing, either, which were really starting to look like my only options. Saw the tie dye, fell madly in love (or at least as madly in love as possible for someone who REALLY dislikes the D) and boom.
    I’ve been out for something like four years now and this is my very first harness/dildo purchase. I finally feel like I’m a legit lesbian. I have arrived.

  2. Today I accepted a job offer in Vancouver and I have just three weeks to pack up my life and move to the coast all by my self. I am super excited for this opportunity and super excited to start a new life in a new city.

    As for Valentines day I will be doing renos and getting the house ready for to rent out and then start packing.

  3. I just realized I do have valentines day plans. I’m trying to catch a friend up on game of thrones so I have someone to watch the latest season with when it comes out. she’s a little flaky so it’s not written in stone, but the plan is for her to come over and we’ll just binge watch it. possibly pizza will be involved also.

  4. Full disclosure: I love Valentine’s Day. I have been single for all 27 V-days I’ve experienced, but I care not. I love celebrating love. Sure, this holiday has gone commercial and is blown out of proportion, but if you get to the heart of it (pun intended), why not love love?

    Tomorrow, I’m spending the day in sweatpants, watching Netflix, celebrating my first full day off in two weeks. Then, I’m going to see Chad Michaels. All in all, a good day.

    Happy Valentine’s Day to all you beautiful queermos!

  5. Autostraddle I am so happy right now! It is my third day of a six day trip to Berlin with my boyfriend and everything has been so wonderful, there’s been a few setbacks but this whole experience has been great and aaah, I just wanted to express that. This is a wonderful city.

    Valentine’s day isn’t a thing for us, but Sunday marks the anniversary of my boyfriend and I’s first date so that’s special, and I am still so in love … To think that I was convinced we would never work out, look at us now! We’ve come so far, both individually and as a couple. And right now I am at a vegan pizza place and I am so ready for this good to arrive …

    This comment probably makes no sense, never mind, it’s just been a while since I’ve been in such a good mood and I had to share it somehow. Thanks for reading, I hope you’re all doing well!

    • Let me guess,the setback was the crisper setting refrigerator temperature? I was shaking with cold all morning.
      Have a good time in Berlin, eat lots of good food, see lots of art and have good coffee, and most of all:
      Happy Valentines Day:-)

      • Haha, that and the fact that it took us two hours to leave Schönenfeld because we accidentally bought the 5 day WelcomeCard instead of the 7 day travel card on the DB machines and there was absolutely no office to return it so we had to find some tourists to resell it to … Which, we did, after asking 30+ people in the span of two hours and almost giving up!

  6. I’m kind of indifferent to Valentine’s Day – I don’t hate it, but also don’t assign it great importance – BUT, today happens to be my anniversary and I am thousands of miles away from my partner, which means I am currently caught between feelings of “yay awesome relationship, I am happy” and “ugh why does the US have to be so bloody far away” to an even greater extent than usual. Mostly the former, but… yeah. I know there are a few of us on here who are navigating long-distance love, so I stand in solidarity with anyone who will be extra missing their person this weekend.

  7. I’m gonna make bra and underwear cookies with my partner (for the second year in a row) and bring them to a birthday party later in the day Here’s an example of what they look like, BUT mine typically are boxers/Rodeohs and sports bras 😉

    If that image doesn’t work, whoops. Use your imagination. ha

  8. This my spouse and I’s first married valentines day! We’re celebrating by spending the day bed watching the best and worst gay movies we can find on netflix- puncutated with reenactments of the best sexy time scenes, then ordering in sushi for dinner

  9. My fiancee and I usually don’t do anything special for Valentine’s Day because we find it a silly holiday. Although we give kudos to those who have the spirit to celebrate (sometimes we wonder if we have souls). I believe the closest we’ve gotten to celebrating Valentine’s Day was back when we were in college and she came to visit me while I was doing a semester in Washington, D.C. To welcome her visit I got all sorts of Valentine’s themed goodies like a pop-up pirate card and a jar filled with pink and red M&Ms and mini toy dinosaurs. We went out for greasy fast-food lunch, hit up the National Mall and museums, and concluded our night with Cheesecake Factory and “Princess Mononoke” (we watched it in bed, hint hint) : ) Very fond memory.

  10. Hello everyone!! Hope you’ve had a good week!

    Feb 15th is ‘chocolate-goes-on-sale’ day for me. That’s pretty much the only meaning that Valentines day holds to me personally. I’m not bitter about being single – it’s just never meant anything to me because I’ve never been in a romantic relationship (largely due to being closeted most of my life and growing up in a rather conservative environment, but I won’t elaborate because I don’t want to write a novel here).

    Unrelated: in a week I’ll be participating in a Women In STEM panel at my alma mater, and I’m nervous! I feel kinda… unworthy, if that makes sense. Like, I’m not where I “should” be in my career (or at least, not where I thought I’d be when I was in college). And I’m worried the students will ask me questions I can’t answer. But the faculty member who’s organizing it seems excited that I’m participating. Anyway, I’m nervous but excited, because I think it’s a cool opportunity and I want to do what I can to encourage more women to join the STEM field!

    Crime has hit close to home and it makes me sad. I woke up on Wednesday morning and the first thing I read was the article on here about the anti-gay hate crime against a woman here in Tacoma. Tacoma has long had a reputation of being high crime compared to neighboring cities like Seattle, but it has gotten better in recent years, but then you read about something as disgusting as this, and it’s disheartening. And scary. I still love my city, and most of the people here are wonderful and amazing, despite a few hateful and violent ones.

    On a happier note, spring has sprung on some trees. February feels like an optimistic month to me because it JUST the beginning of spring. It has been a weird winter around here. Very warm. And that worries me because climate change worries me, but anyway, here is a happy picture of a flowering tree that I saw (taken with the new phone!):

    I’m loving my new iPhone! (For those of you who didn’t read my post in last week’s thread, I just got my first smartphone, hooray!). I got a waterproof pouch for it so now I can take it on all my hiking adventures! So here’s a few photos taken with my new camera, after experimentation with filters. 🙂

    The Narrows

    Clay ledges by the beach

    The lookout at the tip of Point Defiance

    Anyway… sorry for the long post. Happy valentines day to all the cute couples cute singles too. 🙂

    Also – for laughs 🙂 If Netflix were a person…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu3w0VqS2l

  11. In the morning, I’m volunteering at the community garden (community love!).

    Bestie and I happen to be single again this year, so in the afternoon, we’re having a Treat Yo’self Day (friend love!), starting with lunch at this fried chicken and doughnut place that recently opened up, followed by pedicures.

    Then we’re heading to our favorite watering hole to indulge in their craft cocktails, awesome jukebox, and maybe a little pool. We also invited all our other singleton (and non-annoying couples) to join us there.

    I’ll be having gin for dinner. Probably pie for dessert.

    I have a bunch of social BS planned for Sunday. But as it happens, I have Monday off. So I rented a car, and am taking my dog hiking in Sedona (pet love!). He’s 15 and deaf, and probably not much longer for this world, so I want to make these days great for him.

    And um, we may have also done a photoshoot for Valentine’s Day.

  12. I just realized my “plans” for valentines day are to finally do all the homework Ive been slacking on this term because of my anxiety. I have a lot to catch up on and it might take all weekend. But I am going to hunker down with good music and lots of blankets and try to get it done.

  13. Buenos Días,
    Valentine’s What?
    Valentine’s Day will forever be remembered as “The one Day a Year my Neighbors Have Sex”.
    Their headrest seems to bang against the heater when they, you know, and I only found this out after living in the apartment for over half a year a couple years back.
    I tried figuring out that day what was more depressing:
    Them having three kids and literally having sex once a year or
    me, being single, lying awake in bed, listening to them have sex once a year.
    I realized then, that Valentine’s really is a Holiday I have zero relation to, that I couldn’t care less and that all I wanted to do is sleep.
    I also realized that I have zero clues about straight sex, because I kept repeatedly wondering what took them so long.

    So that said, I am going to start a Paleo Challenge on Ash Wednesday and I’m really excited!
    I’m completely overhauling my life now that I’ve gotten out of the destructive relationship that was my job, and so far, it’s slow, but steady going!
    Also, I am actually managing to see people, mostly friends I haven’t seen in many months, every other day.
    You know, with facebook and what not, we’re under the illusion that we’re a part of, or at least witness to our friends’ lives.
    But it’s a distorted reality.
    I’ve found out several times over the last weeks, that while I was busy with working myself nobly into the ground, friends of mine were in the very depths of the crappy shitholes of Life.
    And I didn’t the fuck notice or wouldn’t have been able to “be there” or help.
    So, for this Valentine’s Day, why don’t ye of thee who lie awake lonely, wondering, on the morrow, make it “call a friend” Day?
    Happy V Day!

  14. I’m going to host a pretty gay valentine’s day event with the group of youngsters I work with here in Colombia. Invited some brilliant people from the local LGBT community to come speak, ordered a ton of heart-shaped cookies, and made a very (very) cheesy playlist. Excited about it!

    Apart from that, probably gonna spend the night on Skype with my partner who lives in a different city, wondering whether they have a clue it’s even valentine’s. Doubt it. Like it.

  15. I generally don’t give a shit about valentine’s day. BUT THIS YEAR I’m feeling all sad and pathetic. Like, lonely stereotypical single feeling worthless cat lady with no cats level of sad and pathetic. That’s a bad level, guys.

    I also have too many proverbial balls in the air right now and I’m overwhelmed and freaking out ALL THE TIME. I have so many lists of things I have to do on the go, it’s ridic. You’d think one list would suffice.

    ANYWAY. I’d post a pic of my dog but I’m lazy. Just visualize it into existence.

    • Ughhhh me too. I’m single, and usually I don’t care, because I just hang out with my other single friends and watch tv or go dancing or something else fun. But THIS year I was trying to think of which single friends I could hang out with on Valentine’s Day, and I realized, I DON’T HAVE ANY. I do not have any friends that I am close enough to want to hang out with that live in my city that are single. I even went so far as to invite a friend of mine from out of town to come stay with me for the weekend, and that would have been AWESOME, but then he had to cancel on account of a lack of funds 🙁

      SO INSTEAD I plan to use the day to catch up on all the things I have been avoiding – vacuuming, job searching, memorizing my lines for a play I’m in, etc. Oh, and probably watching all of season 3 of Happy Endings, because, let’s be honest, I’m going to be eating ice cream in my sweatpants for most of the day.

      • I soooo feel you on that. Thankfully I now have a good group of single ladies to commiserate/give zero fucks about v-day with but this is a recent development, usually I’m surrounded by people in relationships and it’s actually painful sometimes 🙁

        I would totally join you in ice cream & sweatpants day if I could! It sounds perfect.

      • I totally feel you on that. I was trying to think of friends I could hang out with this weekend and they are literally all in relationships or live in a different state. I’m happy for them but it can definitely get a little lonely at times!

  16. Soo..what I sort of got out of this post is, food(!), sex with landlord (this sounds so weird, like can it be thing, all my landlords have been 50+…their daughters though!) and FOOD! Eating a pizza alone has gotta be the best valentines ever. (Do you spell valentines with a capital V? So confused, sounds way serious). Not surprisingly my dinner was a bottle of wine, and some watchammacallit-in-english…dry, thin bread? So much better than it sounds.

    And, this is the best part, a picture of my dog! Sorta embarassed, but i have very few pictures of him on this compiter, but then one I found is super fitting! *tequila bottles crossed that his will actually work*

    Going to a friends a “forever alone party” tomorrow, and it will be awesome, with homemade ice cream and brownies, and this is how single people get fat. Happy valentines to y’all!! (Woop, go Hannah-Montana-childhood-slang!)

  17. I plan to be spending time with family I think. I personally don’t believe in the holiday as it’s a commercial holiday based on a Saint who is martyr. I’m a single Jewish queer, and I never really had connections with the holiday. I know people who have spent $400+ on the day, not to show off, but because of societal pressures that was on the person on both people in the relationship. My friend kind of regrets it now as he’s not with that person anymore, and the fact he over paid for half the stuff he bought because of the mark-up(it’s not like you can get 3 dozen roses 2 week in advance and then give it to them in person on v-day). Maybe my tune will change when I’m dating?

    I;m starting to realize while I love my parents. I can’t wait to move out neither of my parents really understand how America really work, and our dirty past.

    I too this the other day/ It’s one of those here today gone tomorrow art work(it was gone the next day).

  18. y’all I just wrote a very intellectually charged comment about my dog farting herself awake and then somehow signed myself out of autostraddle when I pressed submit. I feel like maybe this was a sign from the universe that i was oversharing but I really truly felt that it was something I needed to share with you guys

  19. My relationships never make it until V-day. It’s okay because lately I have been trying to practice radical self-love that is genuine and makes me a better person. It is not easy but at this moment, this very moment, I would love for some churros because the craving is just too powerful for me to handle right now.

  20. Today I am working on wedding/event/invite stuff with my mum, and it is really nice. Some days we are running everywhere and moving shit and constructing huge things, but today is just stationary busywork–my mum’s punching tags and I’m cleaning up vintage illustrations on the computer while we listen to music, and later I’m going to punch things out and she’s going to glue things together while we watch tv! We actually refer to this kind of work as Wallander Work, because a few years ago we binged both the BBC and the Swedish versions of the Wallander series. It was amazing, and we both love crime dramas–the darker and more fucked up, the better! We;re currently watching The Blacklist, which is fun but like, also kind of terrible? because patriarchy/racism. Sigh. Any of you have show recommendations?

    On the subject of patriarchy/racism, this week’s been rough, but also I feel like I’m getting hardened to all the awful stuff that keeps happening. I’m trying not to let it feel normal; I don’t want to let myself think of this as common because I don’t want it to become unimportant? blargh.

    Have some roses because humans are terrible but flowers will never hurt you unless they’re pointy or poisonous and you fuck with them, I guess

    I touched on Valentine’s plans last week: dinner with Holly at this cool little fusion place and then bowling with the OC Straddlers! I am excited! I have a cute gift and a homemade card/little painting for Holly, and I’m making gal/pal/valentines for everyone tomorrow, too, so no one’s left out of the cheesiness 🙂 Mostly I’m wondering what I should wear? I had an outfit picked out but it looks like it’s going to be too hot to wear it–the high today is 89 degrees and it’s supposed to be kinda hot all week and I do NOT like the heat and I don’t want to be sweating and covered in heat rash all night :/ SOOOO what do I weaaar? High waisted shorts with flowers on them+black tights+t-shirt? Some sort of dress situation? High-waisted jeans+crop top? High-waisted jeans+cute sheer light pink button up? TOO MANY CHOICES but also not enough choices, obviously. These are the hard decisions of our time, people.

    A couple more flowers! And errands to run. Love you guys!!


    alstroemeria in cellophane


    this is what I call a workspace!

    I wish I could bring a bouquet to each of you!!

  21. Today was Pre-Valentine Festivities Day at school, so I wore my very finest:

    Tomorrow I have a study session at the library and then a date with Downton Abbey and a big bowl of popcorn. I’m more or less single by choice right now, so I think I’ll just have a dance party to Beyoncé and Janelle Monáe and do my thing and be happy.

  22. Happy Ellen Page day everyone!

    This is my first valentine’s in a long time without a “gal pal” but I will be spending it with some of the finest gal pals a gal could wish for, and I haven’t seen them for ages so I’m so excited!

    (gal).

  23. My girlfriend is working two shifts in the ER this weekend, 7am-7pm, so we are postponing Valentine’s Day for a week so that she can get her mandatory partnership hours done to graduate from nursing school this spring. She had a little sadness about not doing anything on v-day for the second year in a row, but all I want to do is see her achieve her goals, no matter how many holidays we have to extend into the next week.

    Hope you all have a happy valentine’s day! Sending good vibes from Subway, where I’ll be serving up some sandwiches all weekend!

  24. I was kinda grumpy about Valentine’s Day until I got home this afternoon and saw that my grandparents had mailed me a Valentine’s card with a $100 check. I don’t particularly enjoy eating chocolate or the color red, but I’m totally gonna cash that check and buy myself a cheeseburger.

    I’m not at all celebrating the holiday with anyone but lucky for me both my roommates went to Mardi Gras this weekend so I have the next best thing: the house to myself! So I’m gonna do whatever weird shit I want to around the house that will probably involve drinking whiskey in my pajamas with my music turned up really loud!

  25. Voice Recorder >> is me being very, very peaceful and happy.

    SO many happy things this week, you guys! That is the sound of me being very, very peaceful and happy!

    I helped my best friend conceive a plan to safely exit an abusive marriage, and put the intention out there to the world (we talked about her moving in with me), and today, my roommate gave me notice that he wants his own place and will be moving out. 🙂

    I also put another intention out there, to have work for the 15th. I started my new (third) job this week, and I love it…. Furthermore, I am leaving a client I love, but will make more hours and be able to focus my attention on my recovery more consistently because my hours will be consistent. YUSSSS!

    ALSO, celibacy count restarted Thursday morning aaaaaat 4 am? So worth it. *hums*

    I wanna put out there that everyone reading this has had such a hand in my recovery, to the point where I can honestly say that I feel you helped me save my own life. There was a while there where I was hanging on from one Friday to the next, living for the next thread. If there’s any Autostraddle staff reading this, pass it on that this thread is absolutely vital, and it must always be here. :). Thank you, too, for all the sharing, because I’ve learned more through the shared experiences I’ve read here in the lives of my fellow lesbots and lesbros than anywhere else outside the rooms of AA. You guys are bawlin’. Love you.

  26. Gonna brunch with the husband before he goes to work. It’s tax season and I only see him 1 day a week, so the extra few morning hours eating bacon will be worth it.

    Kinda bummed I won’t even get to see my new lady interest, since she’s dealing with some messy life stuff and that’s putting a damper on our dating/texting/interacting-in-any-way-but-facebook-likes.

    I invited a chronically single friend of mine over to drink beer and possibly bake valentine’s cupcakes. As long as my kiddo behaves somewhat well, I’ll call the day a success!

  27. Don’t mean to be all depressing and stuff but I just broke up with my boyfriend who I’ve been with since high school… I know it was the right thing to do and I already live in a different country than him so I guess that makes the whole thing a bit less painful, but I’m still kind of in shock. We never really celebrated Valentine’s day anyway, because it’s not really a big thing where I’m from, but I’m pretty sure I’ll remember this one. I didn’t really mean to break up with him the night before valentine’s day, but I’ve just been going over this in my head for a long time without really getting anywhere, and now that I actually had the clarity and determination to have this conversation with him I just knew it was something we had to do right now. Luckily we were able to talk it through properly, and I guess we both sort of knew this was coming, but I know it’s still going to hurt so much once it really hits me… It’s also kind of weird to think that this is the first time in my adult life that I’m actually single, so that will take some getting used to.

    Sorry for pouring out my heart here, it’s just pretty late at night so I can’t really call anyone to talk right now or anything. On a positive note though, I have a trial shift for this new work place tomorrow! So I guess I should probably try to get some sleep…

  28. Valentine’s Day is not big here in New Zealand. I guess I try everyday to do something nice and attentive to my loved one, with some days being jackpot and others a little warm fart coming back into our faces in a cold windy storm etc… which makes us laugh so we win even when farting..

    I made a quinoa with vege stock, anchovies and bay leaves, fresh sage and thyme, fresh mushrooms and sundried tomatoes in stuffed peppers thing for my lady and I and it was good!! I made it up myself which is even more of a win because I am about a two out of ten most days for creativity.

    Work has tired me out this week. I have felt kind of to my limits with being in a job that does not challenge me in my strengths enough and smiling and being nice with people, (im in nursing), and I am knowing that if I was doing a profession that was in line with my character more ie scientific, experimental, exploratory, and interacting with people to compare notes, I would be winning at life a little more. As it is, I kind of rationalise my current existence and work because I am mainly good at the technical side of nursing and enjoy it, but I get drained and pulled/stretched out of my hermetic/solitary/aspergersish comfort zone by being so interactive/social and supportive each day. I joke sometimes that my nursing badge, time piece and stethoscope are props from my local theatre group. I have a strong sense of duty also towards others, and professionalism, so this keeps me from getting too tangential with “grass is greener” thoughts. Also a mortgage.

    On the valentine’s day front I intend making another delicious vegetarianish meal, and a rbsrb pie (rhubarb pie), and I want to go on a lovely walk in the sunshine here while it lasts. Self love has to come first no matter what.

    • Hi Annalou – I can completely understand your sense of frustration at not quite being in the version of your job that you would like. Without knowing the details, can I suggest that you maybe investigate a couple of the universities who offer graduate programs in your field? The point being that Masters and Doctoral students are often looking for research sites. I’m not sure if you are able to offer your workplace, or your self as a possible research ‘site’, but if you are, that might be one way to get connected with research. If you can’t or don’t want to be the principal researcher (ie the masters or doctoral researcher), then being the ‘thing’ researched can be a close second.
      It’s just an idea and without more details about what you do, I’m not even sure if my suggestion is appropriate. Thought I’d put it out there anyway. Finding people and sites to participate in good research can be difficult at best, and frustratingly maddening at worst.

      • Hi Marianne,

        Thanks for your suggestions, in my current field of nursing there are few options for research, however, if I changed my specialty to ward/ER/ICU nursing, my postgraduate options would increase. I am constantly investigating my options and am keeping an eye on opportunities to transfer over to another specialty which will initially be a major move. I appreciate what you have said and you taking time to share with me 🙂

  29. For Valentines Day, my parents bought me a bottle of whiskey and books on histories of African queerness.

    It’ll also mark two weeks since my girlfriend broke up with me. I’m not feeling good. You know the feeling of walking on a foot that’s gone to sleep? It’s like that. I’m limping along, numbed but also hurting so damn bad.

    In the long term, I know it’s possible to let go of something while still honouring it and cherishing it. But now, in the moment, on the jagged edge of it? It’s painful. I can feel things dying in me, connections withering, no blood no air no light, and I know that they need to die–but it hurts so bad and I keep struggling against it, resisting it, scared of all the pain and desperate to save the parts of me that love her.

    I know, I know: let go, let be, don’t fight it, ride the waves. –And I also know: it doesn’t matter if I let go or fight; it doesn’t matter if I’m ready or if I cling; it doesn’t matter if I accept the pain or reject it, because *I can’t do anything to stop this*. These processes of change are gonna sweep through me, whatever I do, whether I’m ready or not, willing or not.

    And in the meantime, I got some whiskey and I got some books about Igbo female husbands. Plus supportive parents who get it, and I’m fucking grateful for them.

  30. My only date for valentine’s day is this beautiful gal:

    (Phoebe for the uninitiated)

    I’m still recovering from my electrolysis appointment last week, and haven’t been able to get dolled up to hit the town. Plus, it’s really cold out there! Come on spring!

    Last valentine’s day was a bit triggering, being fresh off of the divorce. I’m feeling better this year.

    Much love to all straddlers!

  31. Ok, Valentine’s Day so far looks like it will be just another day. No date. No steady girl. No one to call ‘my own’. I tried taking some of your advice and signed up for OK Cupid. It worked! The past week or so were spent pleasantly messaging with an attractive local woman that initiated contact. She said she was “looking for friends, maybe more”. Yay! I asked if we could meet in person. Her reply: “Yes, that would be wonderful, but I feel I should let you know that I have a girlfriend, but I’m always looking for more friends. People tell me I’m a great friend”. Someone, please correct me if I’m out of touch here, but the only thing I could think of was, “What the fuck?!!” Of course, I politely declined. I have zero dating experience since my divorce, but I’m pretty sure normal women don’t troll the dating websites looking to add more girlfriends to their stable.

    • I think it depends. What are your OK cupid settings? Some people do seem to be on there to meet other queer friends, some are in open or poly or all variety of non monogamy and adding to their relationships that way. To weed those out, I’d put that it’s really important under the monogamy section and maybe add something in your profile about looking to date, not just looking for friends. She might be in a non-monogamous type relationship and looking for someone else, hookup or otherwise, and it’s at least good she let you know at the start, rather than after making out with ya.

  32. My Valentines update in that I broke up with my best friend of six years who I’ve been dating for a year. We’re still friends, and I know that I’ll have to do some work to keep our friendship healthy.
    I also know that I want to start seeing other people, and that means creating an OkCupid account and maybe diving into Tinder. I’m just wondering how soon is too soon. I do know that Valentines Day weekend is A dangerous time.

    • Sorry to hear 🙁 Gotta do what you have to though. As to when it’s too soon to get back on the dating scene, my advice (that I often give to friends in the same situation) is to take it slow and perhaps give yourself some solo time being stepping back into the dating scene. Solo time can do wonders for helping you digest a recent break-up, reevaluate yourself post-breakup, and move forward with the things you learned from your last relationship and the things you want in seeking a new relationship. Also, a nice app that a friend told me about recently is Coffee Meets Bagel. It’s a well-paced dating app that seems to cut out the rapid fire messages and connecting and overwhelming flow of matches coming at you on a daily basis. Best wishes to you!

  33. I am currently trapped by a purr, trying to type with one hand because i am apparently a sucker for our new cat. She is little and a bit of a nut but also cute and makes me laugh really hard when she plays Attack! Escape! with the mesh collapsible laundry basket. We adopted her from the spca and she is 2 years old and she seems to like it here 🙂

  34. For Valentine’s day I’ll be chilling behind the till at work, but afterwards I’m going away to visit my family and I can’t waaaait.

    In other news this week I went on my first date with a girl and whilst I don’t know if there’ll be a second it was fun and good and most importantly I was just really fucking proud of myself for asking her out aha. Especially as this time last year I was sad and afraid and sooo uncomfortable with myself, it was a mess. My goal for 2015 was to work on myself and I’m really trying. I got a couple of weeks of counselling to help clear my head a little, I’m working on valuing my own needs, I came out to another of my best friends and I’m getting ready to talk to my family. Just got to work on pulling it together academically and maybe 2015 will be a really GOOD year. Fingers crossed.

    I hope everyone on here has a great day tomorrow, whatever you’re up to! You all deserve it 😀

  35. HELLO!

    Usually I miss Friday Open Thread because it falls on Saturday here and I’m sleeping and then working… but not today!

    So, LIFE UPDATE.

    The last time I wrote I was talking about a Western 25th birthday I was having. To recap, it was a bootscootin’ hoot involving coordinated dancing to force all of my and my twin’s disparate groups of shy friends to interact as they tried to do semi-complicated partner dance moves directed by my dad with not much space. The band I play with did a set and I walked around all night wearing an excellent Western shirt.

    That same shirt features tonight but for a totally different reason- I’m drumming for a KD Lang cabaret show (so gay) which I’m part of for this year’s Fringe Festival, Adelaide’s premier arts festival that brings our sometimes quiet little city out of its shell. It’s the best time of year to be here.

    Tonight’s show is the first one- it’s sold out and we’ve got various reviewers and an interstate producer for another festival coming so I have to pull out the stops and play my absolute best! It’s gonna be cray.

    So in short I spent Valentine’s Day tuning drums and listening to our singer Ali croon about a Trail of Broken Hearts.

    On a separate note, I was in NZ last month for my friend’s gay wedding, which was lovely. As well as enjoying experiencing the commencement of holy matrimony led by a minister who reminded me vaguely of the one from Princess Bride, I also spent time hangin’ in NZ and went bungy jumping (glad to do once wouldn’t do again), white water rafting (would definitely do again) and trying to find Auckland friends via the NZ Autostraddle Facebook group- through which made an excellent new friend and we ate Mexican and went out dancing whilst talking about human rights issues + escaping bushfires using the power of Grindr and it was all lovely and nothing hurt.

    So in short, stop being so smart and cute and funny and lovely all of you. I would like you to all be my valentine. Thank you and good night.

  36. For valentines me and my gal pals are going skating 🙂 I’m assuming we’ll see a bunch of cute couples, which doesn’t actually bother me. I love seeing people in lovee.
    Then we’re going back to my friend’s house to watch sappy romantic movies on netflix while eating pizza and chocolate. I’m pretty happy about this.

  37. My friends and I are going out to see some movies later into the night, hopefully the chance of wintery mix won’t hinder anything. I believe I’m sleeping into Valentine’s Day for once, considering I got about eight hours of sleep for the past two days due to the first organic chem test of the semester followed by a physics lab that took a lot longer than it should’ve. But! Friday has finally been reached and the weekend has begun! It is time to recuperate with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and tons of music and bum wear. And then pick things back up again little by little in between.

  38. My Valentine’s celebratory eating food together time was today, it was pizza and it was good. There was caramel cheese cake and it was cheese cake, but I got to scrape all the caramel off the plate as well as the crust. Annnnnnnnnd got discounted caramel chocolates at CVS cause that’s what Valentines is for, discounted chocolate.

    Tomorrow is Endymion Saturday, this weekend is Mardi Gras week and I am one with the holiday spirit.

    Some things I learned today are: my “leather pants” paired with my suit jacket be a lethal combination, two leather gloves plus suit jacket equal “hitman” and leather glove on one side and finger armor on the other plus suit jacket equals vampire.

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  39. I am perpetually single on Valentine’s Day. So my mom is taking me out to dinner tomorrow. I will spend the rest of the weekend studying, listening to sappy music, and eating chocolate. I’m sorting out some really awkward feelings from being semi-out, so it makes Valentine’s Day kind of a strange trip this year. I am super thankful for a bestie who supports me in the midst of my chaos. Also pictures of cute puppies who are dressed up for Valentine’s Day make me all kinds of happy. Please post more of those.

  40. Oh man, the past few weeks have been absolutely nuts… Where to begin?
    I’ve basically gotten my fill of Valentine’s day this week. A lot of the teachers and students I work with gave me candy and notes of appreciation and I’ve never felt so loved before, it was wonderful!!
    I’ll be spending my Valentine’s day working my other job for the majority of the day. which is cool because I’m single and 100% okay with it, but it’ll be nice to stay busy and not hear my roommates having sex with their boyfriends.
    In other news, I came out to a guy friend of mine and it ended up okay, but there was a lot of confusion and miscommunication. I was trying to be funny about the whole situation, but he thought I was cracking a gay joke and got upset because he thought I was making fun of his brother (who is also gay)… so I had to really slowly and painfully spell out that I was talking about myself, not his brother. But when the confusion was resolved, everything was really cool.
    Coming out is exhausting you guys! I feel like I’m never gonna get the hang of it…
    Oh, and wish me luck as I try to survive the next couple weeks of school and work. I feel like I just can’t catch up with either. Spring break can’t come fast enough!

  41. I’ll be doing homework and labwork all day tomorrow. I mean, I guess this just means that I need to accept that I’m in a committed relationship with my research.

    I’ve never had a date on Valentine’s day, but whatever. It doesn’t bother me generally (because chocolate sales the next day), but it’s getting to me a lot this year because so many of my friends are dating. Or like, have dated and can get dates? And all of my friends who have graduated complain about how much harder it is to date outside of college because you’re not interacting with a ton of people close in age and interests all the time, and like, that scares me as a senior? Like, I’m bad at making friends, let alone trying to find another human to go on dates with. Being single doesn’t bother me, but the prospect of being single forever does, and it’s just starting to feel like being single forever is a (pretty likely) thing that could happen. Which is just a spiral of SADS and I think 90% of this is coming from Valentine’s day sads.

  42. I’m currently at MBLGTACC in Illinois! It’s amazing! I just saw Laverne Cox speak, and she is amazing and beautiful and I nearly cried throughout her whole speech. This is my first time at MBLGTACC and I just know it’s going to be great!! Anyone else here? 😀

  43. Today I celebrated Galentine’s Day with my sister and roommate. We went out for brunch at DeDutch. Then went home drank some mimosas and watched movies (Kill Bill vol.2, Charlie’s Angels, and All The Boys Love Mandy Lane). Tomorrow I have to work and will probably spend the day watching sappy movies and eating pizza. I’m single but I love spending time alone.

  44. We’ll be cleaning the house, which has been in a state of disarray for the past month. And probably running some errands. Netflix will probably come into the equation at some point. #soromantic

    To be fair, we just had a nice, chill, sweet 10th anniversary last weekend, so we are not feeling the strong desire for the all-day romance-fest. And we have a super fun vacation together coming up soon, which we’re super excited about!

  45. Hello Kittens!! Happy Valentines day!! I’m so happy I get to spend today with my wife. Last time we spent it was 6 years ago!! Heading out to dinner in a bit so I thought I’d pop in and say hello and wish you all well. We don’t have pictures yet because our phones were dying over lunch plus she said she wasn’t as dolled up yet. LOL. To be fair, I wasn’t either so. Be back post dinner. ♥♥♥♥♥

  46. This Valentine’s day I am on my way to a city close to where I live, where I give private language lessons to this married lesbian couple (i swear it’s a coincidence) and they actually rescheduled to make it ealier today, so I wonder what they’re planning, I hope it’s something good. Then I have to find a place that sells flowers before my girlfriend arrives! I tend to think it’s an awfully capitalist holiday and we’ve taken it from the US and whatnot, but I’m also a gross sappy romantic so there’s that.

  47. A while ago, my buddy’s 2 mini lion head rabbits escaped and had a wild night of fuzzy passion, and TA-DA! she was gifted with 8 adorable little cotton balls. They are finally old enough to find new homes for, so obviously I am taking two. I will pick them up today/never put them back down. Pictures soon to come. Does anyone have any name ideas? It is a boy and a girl, the girl has a cream coat and the boy has a brown coat. Oh, and happy Valentine’s day all you lovely people! Please enjoy my computer kisses. Xoxoxoxo

  48. Happy Valentines day gals and pals and galpals… I’m working today and am always destroyed after a long Saturday so my missus and I are having a delicious Marks and Sparks dine in for two meal…such British. But seriously it’s the best £20 dinner I have ever seen, unfortunately I may have to pay another £50 as I got a parking ticket whilst I was buying it. The ticket is bogus, I was within my time so I’m fighting it, damn you Friday 13th!
    So….my lady got me star wars vans for V-Day because she is awesome!

    Have a great Saturday what ever you are doing, be it with pals, gals, galpals or with yourself. Take it easy folks 🙂

  49. I’m spending Valentine’s Day going to Seattle Meowtropolitan’s pop-up cat café! I’m going to take lots of pictures, and maybe write up a thing for work! Or at least take pictures, so someone who is actually on the Content team can do the writing. *shrug*

    Either way: KITTENS! KITTENS AND COFFEE!

  50. Guys, this year for Valentine’s Day I wrote my girlfriend a choose-your-own-adventure “novel” (it’s really only 20 pages). Remember those? Where you get to decide what you’re going to do next and then flip to the appropriate page? I had a Goosebumps book like that.

    Anyway, that’s what I did, but it’s erotic. So, we’re the main characters, and she gets to choose how we have sex and where (in the book). (And in real life.) I’m worried that my erotic writing is less than spectacular, but I’m hoping that the subject matter distracts her from any poor word choices.

  51. I work up in northern Canada as a geologist, which means that I’m not going to be home for Valentine’s this year. To make up for not being there, I left my wife a scavenger hunt with a small gift for each day I was going to be gone, leading up to a bigger present today.

    Cold work, but warm thoughts!

  52. The wife and I actually get to have alone time! My mom offered to watch our adventurous two year old, to get some valentine shenanigans in. I think we are going to have an awesome adventure. Thinking about painting some pottery maybe some yummy food and of course some heavy petting in the car by the ocean, or some sappy stuff. Have a lovely day ya’ll 🙂

  53. EEEEeeee I just had the most wonderful Valentines ever so I just have to share!

    Background: I work 8-5, my gf works evenings, so most weekdays we don’t get to see each other awake 🙁 So weekends are rly important to us! Also it’s taken me 3 months since moving back to NZ to find a job, so with only her income money has been really tight. My first pay came through 2 weeks ago, so while we still have a lot of debt on our US credit cards to deal with, we finally have a little bit of money to spend on us. Also gf hates cooking, so I normally cook us dinner every night.

    Valentines: Friday night when she got home from work she gave me the most beautiful flowers (I’m a plant biologist, and these had some of my fave plants (ferns! pH-sensitive hydrangeas!) and also chose colors with the exact anthocyanin pigment that’s my favorite). <333 We ate dinner together while catching up on this weeks Agent Carter and Parks and Recreation episodes, then lay in bed for hours just talking about fandoms and shipping 😀

    Saturday morning she made me french toast for breakfast, and I made her hashbrowns for second breakfast. Then we got all fancied up and went out for High Tea at a french patisserie/tea house. Which was friggin AMAZING so much deliciousness. After that we went back home, hung out on our computers, got reaaaally good indian food delivered, then drank scotch while watching The Philadelphia Story. Followed by boutique chocolate, followed by RIDICULOUSLY mind-blowing sex, followed by falling asleep in each others arms.

    Arrrghhh like we'd been looking forward to this day for ages and it was even better than we'd hoped and that like never happens, right?! Anyway, just had to share with y'all because it was literally a perfect day.

  54. hello chickens!

    my vday was okay. I flew home from road trip, came home and found a valentine from my out-of-town-gf (chocolate and flowers and origami dinosaurs-cute-) and just got home from thai and seeing some like it hot on the big screen with my cutiepie friend. pretty good all around!

  55. Valentines Day this year for me was almost disappointing because my city’s queer festival [Out in the Park] got cancelled due to weather BUT THEN my super anti-Valentines Day girlfriend gave me this massive teddy bear. I named her Lady Bearsten Stewart.

  56. I actually haven’t commented here in a while but I hope that everyone’s having a great February. I’m having a great Valentine’s weekend with my girlfriend. We live two hours apart and this time she came to visit me since she has the weekends of from grad school. Our weekend has so far included velveeta mac and cheese, sugar cookies, netflix, chocolate chip pancakes (which she was adorable and made into heart-ish shapes when I was sleeping in :P) aka perfect.
    Also we went out to lunch on Valentine’s Day when she came into town, which was fine except the middle aged lady sitting at the table next to us gave us the dirtiest look when my girlfriend touched my arm. So over that bullshit.
    Anyway, sorry, I had the most cheesy/stereotypical Valentine’s Day story. At least it was not spent watching 50 Shades of Grey (which I have absolutely no interest in seeing).

  57. GUYS, I went out on Valentines Day/night and kissed a girl and it was great. Then I basically ran away from her like a twelve year old, which was not ideal. But I am still so pumped to have made the shift to practising bisexual it is unbelievable. WHY did I wait 1,000 years to take this step???!

  58. Pedicures, barbeque take-out, and Fried Green Tomatoes with my honey. We considered paint chips for future nesting and split a bottle of champagne while our toes soaked; it was heaven on earth.

  59. GUYS! I celebrated Valentines Day for real real. 1st time having a true Valentine in my 25 years! I /finally/ started dating a lady on New Years Day, and while I have no idea what I’m doing, it’s awesome.
    We cliche’d it up! She cooked me a lovely Italian dinner and picked out the perfect wine. She got me 1 rose (since I’m still partially closeted so it wouldn’t prompt too many questions, which was very sweet & thoughtful at the same time). We dipped strawberries in chocolate, spent the night cuddling & watching movies and being bugged by the cute dog children.
    Once we finally pulled ourselves out of morning cuddles we had Greek food w/her friends. Kitchen dancing, make outs, McFlurries, & a quickie back massage.
    26 hrs later- a V-day for the books, complete.
    And, I swear, if you’re reading this I’m so embarrassed, but also don’t care. 🙂

  60. Not on topic re Valentine’s Day, but Mara Keisling (of NCTE) has reported that another trans woman has been murdered, this time in Akron, Ohio. The killer was her father, who first blamed her death on intruders who belonged to a “cult.”

    The only news story so far makes no mention of the victim being trans, and misgenders her:

    http://www.cleveland.com/akron/index.ssf/2015/02/akron_father_accused_of_fatall.html

  61. The weather forecast for Mardi Gras day is terrrrrrible, but I ain’t even mad that is how great this weekend has been.

    -pizza date
    -discount chocolate
    -fatal outfit combo discovered
    -Endymion with my grandmother in tow
    -Bacchus with lebanese leftovers
    -Bacchus beads in the shape of wine barrels in like all the colours
    -ridiculous light up swag

    So go ahead weather be nasty on my holiday, I’ll just chill at home and cover things in chocolate while costumed and dancing like a fool to Mardi Gras tunes.
    You can’t rain on my internal parade this time.

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