F*ck It All Fall

You came with me on the journey of exploring Rat Girl Summer, so I figured it would only be fair to invite you into a new season I’ve claimed for myself: Fuck It All Fall.

Despite what it may sound like, this season isn’t nearly as reckless and erratic as Rat Girl Summer, a term coined by @lolakola on TikTok to describe a lifestyle where you commit to indulging in scurrying activities, snacking, and generally doing things you have no business doing. Instead, it’s more of an enthusiastic, all-in “hell yes!” to a new chapter (or person or job or habit or hobby) in your life. It’s that 2010s YOLO energy but more “I know it’s time to quit my job and plan to get a better one.” Sure, it’s a subtle difference, but it’s all about the framing.

Season themes — similar to astrological seasons — help ground me in working on a part of myself that needs attention. Typically winter is a quiet time of nesting and reflection on the year. Spring is a time of birth and launching new ideas or plans. Summer is a time of marinating on our new projects, and fall is a time of closure and transitions. Fuck It All Fall is that last horrah of decision making, so we’re able to settle into our routines for the dark months. It’s taking one last stab at that thing that’s been nagging at us and saying “fuck it, it’s fine let’s do it.” It’s doing that thing you’re deeply afraid of but have been dying to do. It’s knowing you’re afraid and doing it anyway!

It’s not impulsive. You’ve mediated on it, but it still feels like a shock to the system.

Here are some examples of what I mean:

  • Becoming vegan
  • Adopting that one cat from that adoption site you’ve been eyeing
  • Redownloading Bumble, HER, Tinder, etc. with the intent of going on at least one date a week until you find the love of your life
  • Confronting your boss about how they’ve been using the wrong name and pronouns for you and then suggest how your workplace can be more inclusive of trans and queer folks
  • Quitting your horrible, homophobic, transphobia, misogynistic job to pursue your dream of living in a co-op in the Pacific Northwest
  • Shaving your head
  • Calling out sick for a day because you literally haven’t had a day off in three years
  • Scheduling that gender affirming consultation you’ve been putting off
  • Move across the country
  • Take a cross-country road trip
  • Sliding into the DMs of that cute queer friend-of-a-friend you’ve secretly thought was out of your league
  • Putting a down payment on a house, car, apartment, etc.
  • Geting that full size back tattoo you’ve secretly wanted forever
  • Recommitting to Duolingo
  • Apologizing for being wrong
  • Learning to play the guitar so you can finally start writing music that your crush will one day hear when you’re on NPR’s Tiny Desk series

Fuck It All Fall started with someone confessing their love for me under the EPCOT ball at Disney World amidst me sobbing because my best friend and I just got into a huge fight. We had been dating for a little over a month, so I naturally responded, “how can you love me if you don’t even know me?” My little Aquarius heart was utterly paralyzed by the implied commitment.

I spent a whole (rat girl) year stringing along lost attachments and expressing my sexuality, and suddently there’s a person who loves me for me, tells me they aren’t going anywhere, and actually someone I MAY LOVE BACK?! The next few weeks brought with endless phone calls to friends; “Is this crazy?” “Is this too fast?” “Am I just infatuated?” “Am I just not seeing the red flags?” As someone who has emotionally Uhauled way too fast in their teens and early twenties, I now approach all relationships with the logic that one could only expect from a Virgo Moon and Rising (cough cough, me). I couldn’t cope with the idea that I may love them back. And then, one night as we were laying in bed about to fall asleep, it unconsciously forced it’s way out of my mouth. My body won over my overanalytical brain said “(Fuck It All) I love you too.”

I was indeed giving a terrified as fuck hell yes to a real, healthy, monogmous relationship with someone who is good and funny and kind and loving. Fuck It All Fall meant embracing the true nature of cuffing season, which is a challenge for someone has flighty, indecisive, and hyper-independant as me. I’ve impulsively moved across the country. I’ve moved to a different country. I’ve haphazardly quit jobs, picked up new ones, and put bosses in their place. Committing to a relationship feels like the wildest Fuck It All fall choice of them all.

So why do I say Fuck It All? Because I wasn’t planning to fall in love or meet someone’s parents or completely switch jobs this quickly, but fuck it all let’s do it, queers. Let’s embrace our seasonal chaotic energy and manifest it into long-term, healthy decisions!

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Em Win

Originally from Toledo, Ohio, Em now lives in Los Angeles where she does many odd jobs in addition to writing. When she's not sending 7-minute voice messages to friends and family, she enjoys swimming, yoga, candle-making, tarot, drag, and talking about the Enneagram.

Em has written 71 articles for us.

6 Comments

  1. Does buying a house count?! My fiancée and I just bought a house, and as we’ve been constantly reminding each other the last few days, that’s a wayyyyyy bigger commitment than an engagement or even a marriage. So yeah, fuck it. We’ve committed to each other for the next 30 years (or however long it takes to pay off a mortgage)!

    • Congratulations!!! That is epic and I wish you the very best in your new home. I think buying a home counts – if not then it’s certainly going to give you many opportunities for fuckit fall moments as you maintain and decorate the house. It’s yours! You can do whatever you want to it, host whatever kind of parties you want with it/paint it goth galaxy rainbow colors/realize that even if it’s expensive and slow as hell you want to replace the roof with something that can support a ton of solar panels/etc etc. I’m totally delighted for you random internet stranger friend!

  2. Omg I just talked to a friend recently and decided that my autumn resolution was to have the (gay) audacity! And it’s really working out for me so far 🙌 so here’s to fuck it all fall!

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