Welcome to the 19th recap of the second season of Faking It, an educational program about turning scrap metal into puppets from the network that brought you Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica.
We open on the Walk Down the Hallway of Shame, starring Karma and Shane, who appear to have suffered some extreme inclement weather and have also forgotten how to button shirts and wear shoes. I wonder what happened in that hotel room! Probably hijinks. You know kids these days.
Cut to Karma’s bohemian outdoor shower, which she emerges from to find Amy, bearing lattes and an apology for over-reacting. After all, Amy admits, it’s not like Karma would ever go through with a ridiculous threesome!
Karma: Wow, thanks Amy, coffee and slut-shaming is such a nice way to start the day!
Karma says the threesome was a fun-filled event involving lots of kissing. Lots of it! So much partial-nudity and lip-smushing. If it was possible for humans to grow plants by kissing, these three would’ve created a modest container garden.
Like between Karma and Shane, for example. There was some Sharma kissing. In fact, Shane kissed Karma and said, “now I know why everybody’s in love with you.” Amy calls bullshit on that tale, so Karma starts over. In this story, Karma and Shane reluctantly swap spit, decide to pretend like the other is Channing Tatum, hop into bed and enjoy an all-night romp that has left Karma a little sore in the neck!
Back at Shane’s House of Shame, Liam wakes up next to Sasha and tries to bolt before Shane gets home but lo and behomo, here he is with donuts and lattes.
Shane wasn’t okay with Liam/Sasha before, but after spending the whole night banging Karma, he knows it’d be hypocritical of him to stick to that position.
In Shane’s recap of the terrible threesome, Karma kissed Shane and said, “Wow, I’ve always wanted to conquer a gay guy.” Liam calls bullshit on that tale, so Shane starts over. In this version, Karma compliments his kissing, Shane says he’s good at more things than just kissing — and Liam’s gotta go fuck Sasha in the shower BYE!
Back at the Hipster Tofu Scramble Ginger Tea Cafe, Lizbeth and Leila gush over Lauren and Bobby’s triumphant dance at Lauren Junior Prom Under the Sea, and Lizbeth announces that she went all the way last night! That’s right: she had The Sex.
Who would’ve thought that Lizbeth would’ve been the first of their threesome to have sex? Not Lauren, which’s why this confession inspires her to chat up Tommy, commanding him to come over that evening for sexual intercourse. This has been a confusing week for Tommy, hasn’t it.
Felix’s Bedroom. Amy’s obsessing over Karma’s impending downward spiral: Karma’s had a very hard year and she’s living in a juice truck and clearly hasn’t attended class since before the show’s premiere and this sexual experimentation is surely her first step down the water slide towards opiate addiction, unplanned pregnancy, and huffing computer duster on a shoplifted scooter.
Felix suggests they skip the horror movie in Amy’s head in exchange for seeing a horror movie at the movies! Little does he know that Felix and Amy going on a date to see a horror movie is precisely how I would define “horror movie” to myself.
Chez Fawcett, later that evening. The parents are away on a couples’ retreat and Lauren’s wearing a football jersey and high heels and is ready to do the horizontal mambo with her #1 Man…
…when it turns out that her #1 Man has invited like seventy other men to her house… and uh, a keg… and a bunch of women! Lots of beer!
Oh, and also: Karma! She says the party invite was all over tumblr. Probably under the #Karmy tag.
Amy and Lauren are stressed to the max. I mean, somebody’s juggling Farrah’s gnome collection and the music is super loud and should they call the cops? Of course not, there are already too many extras on payroll this episode.
Karma’s doing body-shots which Amy finds absolutely horrifying. This is one of those two-episode downward spirals, I can tell, the most brutal kind of all the kinds.
Shane yanks Amy away from the sticky situation on her surely expensive table just as Felix shows up for his big movie date and is surprised to discover he wasn’t the only one invited. Karma tells him that clearly his plans for the evening have changed, and anyway, he should try a beer even though he says he doesn’t drink! Loosen up! Your Dad’s not here! Unbutton a top button on your cardigan! Get gum in your hair! Karma never drinks and look at her now! Tommy and Tommy’s Friend overhear the reference to Felix’s Dad and say they won’t trust him not to narc on them unless he gets drunk with them. So off they go!
Shane’s freaking out that Sasha and Liam are dirty dancing like a couple of randy teenagers, but Amy’s not here for that: he slept with her best friend, why the hell is he talking to her about anything! Shane points out that she also slept with his best friend. So if you’ve created yourself a “Faking It” drinking game by this point, and I hope you have, now would be the time for you to take a drink for “Liam and Amy’s drunken romp is mentioned in a spiteful manner.” Everybody else is drinking, so!
Sasha’s dumb as dirt, by the way: it takes Shane about three minutes to convince her that Liam wants a long-term relationship, that their teacher/student situation is dicey, and that she should return to Jake, her Navy Seal boyfriend. So she leaves to do that while Liam’s getting her a drink.