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Coffee and queers go together like espresso and mocha syrup. We are forever thankful for all you baristas out there doing the goddess’ work of caffeinating us day in and day out all while looking hot in a beanie. It’s National Coffee Day and we’re celebrating by telling you our barista crush and coffee shop stories, ranging from Mary Lambert’s “She Keeps Me Warm” music video cute to being dumped at a coffee shop not-so-cute.
Carmen: My first-ever date with a girl was at a coffee shop! My friends saw how nervous I was and drove me to the coffee shop like my parents would in some sort of subverted Pleasantville scenario, driving away screaming “HAVE A GOOD TIME AND MAKE GOOD CHOICES!” in downtown DC. Obviously the best way to start stuff off.
Gabby: A Starbucks barista hollered at me by telling me I was cute and she wanted to chill. She slipped me a coffee sleeve and a black sharpie. I wrote my number down, got free coffee. Ended up dating her for eight years. Huge mistake, worst relationship ever buuuttt the free coffee in the beginning was dope.
Stef: Let me know when we do a roundtable about the hot tattooed lez at the pizza place, aka the Pizza Lesbian. The stuff of legends.
Rachel: And her sistren, the Thai Food Delivery Lesbian.
Stef: If I found a Thai food delivery lesbian I would never leave my apartment again.
Mey: I once had a girl break up with me from what I thought was going to be a long term relationship in a coffee shop because she was “betrothed” (her words) to a guy in the military and he was returning from overseas soon.
Kaitlyn: I flirted with a barista and got unlimited free coffee for like six months, but it was a dude :/ You do what you gotta do to get your caffeine fix for college all-nighters.
Gabby: Word, ain’t no shame, Kaitlyn.
Chelsey: The only women who have ever hit on me out in the real world have been Starbucks baristas. I also dated someone who, halfway through our relationship, became a barista. So I clearly have a long and storied gay history with coffee.
Rachel: When I interviewed for the barista job I held for four years at a Dirtbag Hipster Coffee Shop, they had me play fuck/marry/kill with the current employees, and I chose one of the female baristas for ‘fuck.’ I found out later a major part of why they had hired me was because they thought it would be cool to have a lesbian on staff.
Robin: I’ve definitely also flirted with dude and lady baristas for free coffee, and then when I was a barista I’d comp my favorite flirters, too. Gotta pay the flirty karma forward or something.
Laneia: My bestie/the first girl I truly loved was a barista and she’d make me fancy-sounding delicious drinks for free because she loved me too, she just didn’t want to marry me and that’s ok you guys. I’d meet her for breaks and we’d smoke cigarettes and make fun of the middle aged guys who hit on her, and I felt like the coolest person on earth because free coffee does that to you. Then I’d go home and wait for her to get off work and come drink cheap beer with me. ANYWAY I still order demi fucking espresso con panna with a pack of raw sugar for sprinkling on top EVEN THOUGH the baristas usually give me dirty looks because they think i’m being a pompous snobby bitch (and ok maybe I am) and I don’t care because it’s DELICIOUS and sounds FANCY. So anyway, falling in love with a barista basically ruined every coffee-going experience for me forever.
Audrey: For my last two years of college I went to the same coffee shop every Sunday night with my best friend Dana to “do our homework” and “write our theses” and I had real serious crushes on the dude barista (and I knew it, and he probably did too) and the lady barista (and she probably knew it, and I was confused). She moved away and he quit, and I came out as bisexual and gave up on love forever, the end, maybe I will marry a latte.
Grace: I have a lot of coffee shop stories, but one of the latest ones is this: Last week or so, a girl hit on me by complimenting my hair, and I didn’t know what to say besides “thank you” because I was so surprised, and neither of us knew how to direct the conversation, so we continued talking about where we get our hair cut? And then the barista called my name so I got my drink and immediately left because I didn’t know what else to do.
What about you? Do you have any coffee shop stories? Have you ever been hit on at a coffee shop or had a crush on a barista? What’s your favorite kind of coffee? Let us know in the comments!