When I first came out as trans and as a lesbian, I was deeply involved in my church, they were like a second family to me. When I first tried writing about my feelings after going to church for the first time after coming out as trans, this is what I wrote. I previously read this at the 2014 May A-Camp Staff Reading.
Do you know how hard it was for me to walk into church that morning? Even if you took away all the nervousness that came from me being afraid that my hair wasn't perfect or my eyeliner was smudged or my dress was too short, it was still the most frightening moment of my life.
I was so afraid that everyone would judge me and hate me. I was afraid that I would lose the friends and family that had welcomed me in and embraced me for the past fourteen years. I was afraid of the way people would look at me. But then came the smiles, and the compliments and the hugs. And then I saw you.
You were standing there with a friend who didn't know you as well as I do, and bo...
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