Bomb Girls 206 Recap: Super Special Sexy Edition

Kate et trio, who from now on I will refer to as the Vaginettes, perform on the radio and it’s adorable. For a giant fundraising event, the audience looks to be about the same size as the ones at my childhood piano recitals. Must be VicMu is like a middle school orchestra concert where the only people you can get to come are the family members you drag along out of obligation.

Picture 421

PUSH IT! PUSH IT REEEAAAAAAL GOOOOOD

Backstage and away from the rest of the Vaginettes, Leon tells Kate that her head is not in the game and she better get it back for the second half of the game or they’re never gonna win Sectionals! Never fear, Token Spiritual Person of Color is here to set things right.

It’s Betty. She has these feelings.

Yeah, she’s very fond of you.

No, what she feels is sin. It says so in the Bible.

The Bible also tells us to stone a man for working Sundays.

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and if you don’t think i experience incredible self-induced orgasms thinking of all the terrible sins she would commit on my body you are dead wrong mister

Gladys walks in on Gene all up in the famous actress lady’s business. Gladys tells him he is a piece of shit and she’s done with his hot mess of an existence. Kiiiiiiiind of overdue, sweetheart.

plus i'm on my period so guess who's never gonna get a chance to earn a pair of gladys witham red wings

plus i’m on my period so guess who’s never gonna get a chance to earn a pair of gladys witham red wings

Kate sings a solo, but Betty leaves early. Ivan might be applauding like a motherfucker but Kate is staring at her chair. It’s pointed as fuck and I am left wondering if we’re dealing with internalized homophobia or someone losing a friend or what. WHAT AM I TO MAKE OF THESE SCENES, BOMB GIRLS? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THESE FEELINGS.

my vagina is just as confused as you are

the sudden change in my vaginal climate leaves me just as confused as you are

Gene is not having a hot day, and really struggling through this affair even harder than I am currently struggling through my sexual dry spell! Three weeks is a long time, okay?

Picture 425

BEAM ME UP BEAM ME THE FUCK UP

Bond Girl is in Betty’s room! If you’ve ever lived in a dormitory, you know what the fuck is up when they invite you to their room. Maybe they said they just want to listen to some Indigo Girls, or watch some L Word, or they swear they have a few shots of rum left, but you both know exactly what’s up. Lesbian sex acts is what’s up.

getiton

Betty’s room tour stalling tactics are the cutest ever.

Well, here you got a wall…fan…dresser…another wall…window…uh, wall…lamp…and a picture I’ve never looked at until right at this moment. Brush…and well, bed.

That’s a lot of walls.

It results in this.

gayplosion

Gene is on the roof during the fireworks display just because. Gladys and Lorna are desperately trying to get him off the roof. It’s incredibly sad and touching in a way I cannot do justice to via Star Trek jokes, or any jokes. I can only tell you that I cried a little.

Picture 429

that’s right, kate. i broke you. my narrative broke you.

Marco and Vera are flirting over fireworks casings. INTO IT.

will break my paleo diet for your pastries

will break my paleo diet for your pastries

Betty and Bond Girl are in bed because THEY JUST HAD SEX! SWEET LADY SEX ON PRIMETIME TELEVISION! AMERICA, YOU SUCK AND I HATE LIVING HERE! But seriously.

tumblr_ldo1lfoCOg1qajtnvo1_500

That’s right, bitches. Betty Fucking McCrae just lost her lady V card and it was sweet as fuck. Bond Girl says she just experienced fireworks. That’s right. Y’all know my girl is a top. Leavin’ girls feeling fireworks in their bits.

bettytop

All triumphant Kanye songs aside, this moment still stung like a little bee sting to my heart.

I wasn’t looking for anything, but I’m glad you found me.

Oh, Bomb Girls. Never stop stomping all over my stupid heart.

how u like that gay boner now

how u like that gay boner now

Outside, Kate is fiddling with her door just like the first time she and Betty met! No, not the feels! She overhears the noises in Betty’s room! No, not those feels!

yeah ivan i'll meet you at the restaurant in a second i have to explore my sexuality first

yeah ivan i’ll meet you at the restaurant in a second i just have to explore my sexuality first

Downstairs, Gladys is using her new spatula set to make dinner, which is much less exciting than letting Betty flog her with it. Wow, is that a thought that came from my head? Wow. Anyway, since we’ve been waiting all episode for the other Old Yeller Moment, here it is. Lorna has a telegram, and it’s that telegram. Gladys’ slow defeat as it’s read aloud to her is one of the best performances on the show yet. Lorna, Professional Mom, shows her how to make eggs as a way to show her it’s okay to be upset. I cried. No, I really did.

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it’s okay honey now you can have that lesbian period we’ve all been waiting for

So, now we have a hiatus until March. How do we feel about the rest of the season? Are Ivan and Kate going to continue to date in the same style as my friends when they were in fifth grade? Will Marco and Vera make Baby Cannoli 2 so I can start recycling those jokes? Is Betty gonna keep sleeping with Bond Girl? Will we actually learn Bond Girl’s name via Betty screaming it during sex? Should Gladys find solace in the arms of hot butches? Will Gladys come visit the author in their Philadelphia abode for sexual grief counseling? Exciting developments await.

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kate

Full-time writer, part-time lover, freelancing in fancy cheese and cider.

Kate has written 1 article for us.

53 Comments

  1. Ok, so it’s been decided. I am never ever ever going to watch this show ever, because there is absolutely no way the real show could be more entertaining than these recaps. Please (Audre) Lorde up above, give this person some sort of a fancy book deal soonest. Thank you, please.

  2. How evil is it to make us wait till March? D:

    That’s way, way, way too far away!

    By the way, Kate, several times I caught myself thinking, “how will she comment on this in the recap?” (and you hit just about every one of those moments). It’s like, I haven’t finished watching the episode until I’ve read the recap…

  3. I loved the part when “Token Spiritual Person of Color” said to Kate: “If you can´t love her the way she wants, love her the way you can”.
    That is, i think, the principle of keeping a friendship after one of the parts falls for the other.
    Although, after the way Kate looks for Betty after her solo and all the door watching in the end, i have a little hope again!
    GREAT RECAP!!

  4. I had a huge deadline this week so I completely forgot about bomb girls. Then I saw this recap on the home page with what I thought was a picture of Betty and Gladys in a heart accompanied by “there was hardcore lesbian kissing”. Feelings: FREAKING OUT/CONFUSED

    Obviously I went to watch it straight away and in the process realised there are 12 episodes this season not 6. Feelings: EXCITED.

    Then in the first minute there was a sexy soldier lady who looked like Gladys and I was like: “Ohhh I see what’s happening here” Feelings: ANTICIPATION.

    Then the dancing scene happened. Feelings: MY HEART HURTS.

    Then the Betty/Bond girl in the bedroom thing happened. Feelings: HAPPY(/FEELINGS IN MY PANTS)

    Then I read the recap and the captions “DEAR GLADYS, PLEASE STOP SLEEPING WITH MEN. LOVE, EVERYONE” and “OMG JAMES STOP FREAKING IT WAS JUST THE TIP PS DO NOT DIE FOR FUCK’S SAKE” and “AND IF YOU DON’T THINK I EXPERIENCE INCREDIBLE SELF-INDUCED ORGASMS THINKING OF ALL THE TERRIBLE SINS SHE WOULD COMMIT ON MY BODY YOU ARE DEAD WRONG MISTER”
    Feelings: TOO FUNNY WHY CAN’T I STOP LAUGHING

    So basically, these are too many feelings for me to handle and I’m almost glad there aren’t any more episodes til March because I honestly don’t think I could handle it. BETTY/HAPPINESS IS HAPPENING YOU GUYS I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH

    • sad to say i do know bond girl’s name and everything about the rest of the season bc i read the goddamned press kit and thus am spoiled as half the leftovers in my fridge

      but i will keep all this knowledge to myself as all of you kids deserve better

  5. Also, I think this was probs the best ep of Bomb Girls yet. Not for the emancigaytion of Betty especially, but for how well they handled all the storylines.

    Hopefully Gladys will now realise that her weird soldier/hero obsession has been holding her back all along, and she will now take over the world with her amazing spatula set.

  6. Okay, Bond Girl is an actress named Rachel Wilson and I totally recognize her from a Hallmark Christmas movie called Baby’s First Christmas. She saved the fucking day, y’all. SHE ALSO VOICES A CHARACTER ON A CARTOON AND THAT CHARACTER’S NAME IS HEATHER.

    Don’t look at me.

  7. Bond Girl had mad game, too. I need a tenth of that game and at least a quarter of her impeccable gaydar. To go. Thanks.

    Also, I’m not sure if the final few moments in the hallway with Kate were her being conflicted because she’s jealous Betty is getting some from someone who’s not her, or her trying to be happy for Betty being with someone, even if that someone is a woman, because her religion told her that’s wrong (and her gut feelings, too, let’s not forget that delightful tidbit). I was a bit confused by her face and her lingering there, but I think it was meant to be ambiguous.

    Hearing Kate actually being a homophobe gave me a really icky knee-jerk reaction. I totally TOTALLY understand that she’s a victim of her time and upbringing. And probably, when she said it, totally, rightfully pissed at Betty. BUT just the thought of having a friend who I consider my best friend, who considers me her best friend, and suddenly deep down they don’t even believe in who I am or think that I’m so epically flawed, hurts in a major way. All I could think was, “if Betty only knew Kate said that, she’d be devastated.” But just like I’m sure Betty will apologize for being a “Nice Guy (TM),” I’m sure Kate will come around. Hopefully.

    • Don’t forget that Kate has already called Betty a deviant to her face. I actually thought their friendship this season was a little unrealistic because of how harsh Kate was at the end of last season and the beginning of this one, but I guess Betty and Ivan’s relationship would have convinced her that Betty’s feelings for her were just a phase.

      I agree with you on the scene with Kate in the hallway. At first I thought she was jealous, but then she smiled and seemed happy for Betty. Which I also thought was unrealistic and way too quick, so I’m not really sure what to make of it.

  8. can someone please clarify exactly when the next episode is airing? the interweb is telling me all kinds of different things and i’m starting to feel like taking one of those “angry naps” that kate talks about.

  9. Every time I get done watching Bomb Girls I just sit and stare into space for a second, because the recap hasn’t magically appeared at the exact second that I’m done watching. I think I’m addicted to these recaps.

  10. I just want to wrap Kate in a hug and cuddle her precious self forever and ever. She’s not trying to hurt anybody. The girl has a lifetime of abuse and brainwashing to undo and she has to learn all of the interaction principles we all learned when we were younger. She’s feeling like a shitty person for being relieved that her father is dead. She just has so many demons to fight and so many people just expect her life to revolve around Betty. As a person that also came from a very religious background, I understand what it is like to try and accept things that go against everything that I was taught to believe. It doesn’t happen overnight and it certainly isn’t easy to come to terms with.

    Come her bb :(

  11. “Why is it that every time dykes wants to have sex with a guy they’re only trying to steal his sperm?”

    I was just rewatching the pilot of the L Word and when they got to the threesome Bette-Tina-hot guy, I was sure that I recognized the hot guy. And it turns out he’s Marco from Bomb Girls! He’s already written Lesbian history!

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