I know you’ll read this in lotsa places during this time but I’m still going to say it — I love holiday movies!! Spending the days with holiday episodes on in the background while I get work done, trimming the tree with the soundtrack to a Christmas movie fav, and just going to bed watching a holiday movie on my laptop and waiting for the holiday break to come you know?

I have my good ole’ standard favs that get watched every year multiple times, but I love adding to that list — especially when the movie has even a dollop of dykeness and ESPECIALLY when it’s Black folks dykin’!! Yesterday, Riese dropped into our Slack that there was a new Christmas movie out that has Black queer femmes in it. So this morning, I got up a bit early, finished up a few things, then got cozy on my couch (that I have put a heated blanket on) and got ready to watch The Christmas Clapback.

It’s a movie where three sisters who have just lost their mum and participate in this massive cookoff that happens every year. They each have their own sort of thing going on that encourages them to come home and participate, including middle sister, Tisha, who is our resident queer babe! There is another queer surprise when social media superstar Aaliyah moves in across the street and maybe holiday sparks fly!

Instead of live tweeting, I’ve decided to put my thoughts here for you all to read and I am typing them in real time! Gosh, I hope this movie is good, I got a BET+ Subscription for it so it friggin’ better be.

Exactly 33 Thoughts I had While Watching The Christmas Clapback

1. Wait, I didn’t check — is this a production from the house of Perry?
2. Not this Christmas song having a lil’ bop to it!!
3. THAT TWISTOUT IS FANTASTIC!!
4. OK, I’m gonna guess which sister is dykin’, it’s Tisha. Big Hoops = Big Dyke.
5. That man is a DeBarge and you can’t tell me he’s not. Side Note: One of my aunts dated a DeBarge but like I think everyone’s aunt in 1970s Detroit dated a DeBarge.
6. I would LOVE if we would stop making Black women in movies choose between love and choosing themselves — WHY NOT BOTH? A LOVE THAT LETS YOU CHOOSE YOURSELF TOO?!?
7. Niggas love red Christmas decorations lolol
8. OH WAIT IS THIS SISTER THE LESBIAN?!?
9. “Harpo, who dis woman?”
10. This woman is guessing folks signs, I believe she may also be a lezzie.
11. I KNOW THAT I AM RIGHT ABOUT TISHA BEING THE DYKE!
12. “Let’s go taste some of Tisha’s treats” NAUGHTY NAUGHTY
13. Damn, why everybody dead?
14. Why are all these people just letting themselves into the house? I did not say come in.
15. Look at this cutieeee!!! I MISS MY NEPHEWS!!!
16. EYE WAS RIGHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!! TISHA IS LESBIANING!!!
17. I want deviled eggs.
18. Romancing me with Okra? I’m not that damn southern.
19. I enjoy both of these skirts on the screen right now, send me both.
20. This Karaoke scene is cute as shit!!!
21. Wait Black Femme Daytime Date With Hot Cocoa At A Cafe? YESSSSSSSS
22. Ok, good to know they can cook ‘cos I was worried.
23. SHES WEARING FEMME FLANNEL!!
24. I’d love a wine cellar please and thanks.
25. OK BUT I LITERALLY HAD THIS SAME IDEA FOR MY MOTHER TO MAKE A COOKBOOK FOR ME.
26. Love that they are officially dating after exactly 3 business days — Real Dyke Girl Shit
27. “A TIE, What she mean, A TIE”
28. I still do not understand the title of this movie. Why not like “A Christmas for Mama” or “A Christmas Cookoff to Remember”
29. Black people invented color, wow she looks stunning.
30. That mac n’ cheese looks TERRIBLE and that turkey looks dry asl.
31. Ohhhhh they been dating for a year! I love that they are all cute together — NOW KITHE.
32. I’ll give you a high five if you can tell me what films I referenced in this without looking it up.
33. ROBIN GIVENS?!?!
34. DEL NEGRO?!?!

That’s it from me folks! I mean, it was cute but was it hella dykey? No. It felt like you probably do going home for the holidays, you’re just another couple there that just so happens to be queer. So in that way it felt cozy. Waiting for the ultimate lesbian Christmas movie. I’m still writing my own but hey — genius takes time :)

Happy Holidays!

P.S. Thank goodness this was not a Tyler Perry Production ‘cos who knows where the story would have went and what those wigs would have looked like.

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