If you’ve been hanging out on the internet lately, you’ve probably seen it: a creepy group photograph of all your ex-girlfriends, in doll form. It’s the New Ken Dolls, a Mattel roll-out that starts now and keeps on going indefinitely (many of the new Kens won’t be available ’til Spring 2018, EXACTLY LIKE YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND)!
While it’s true that the New Kens are definitely lesbians, it’s also true that the Old Kens were lesbians. So, today I set out to definitively account for at least a solid chunk of the various lesbian Ken (short for “Kendall”) dolls that have come out since the beginning of Barbie-Time.
I was blessed to have the input of my team of queers here at Autostraddle.com, who shared their feelings on various Ken Dolls using our group chat on Slack.
75. My First Ken
Cameron: Figure skates with her partner Marcia on the weekends, practices for the winter pageant
Dufrau: It’s Brigitte Nielsen
74. All-American Ken
Dufrau: this color scheme is a nontraditional expression of All American.
Riese: traffic signs are apparently
Jenna: i’m pretty into those reeboks actually
but i have questions about her jeans
are they like half-overalls somehow?
Dufrau: ohhhh thats the all-american part
theres a flag on the rolled down piece
Jenna: right but like, what if you roll it up
Dufrau: you never roll it up if you are all american
Jenna: oh right, my mistake
73. Animal Lovin’ Ken
Cameron: she’s a virgo, has exclusively lisa frank stationery. so a lot of it.
72. Route 66 Ken
“Art is so cool. I’m really into computer graphics. This university has great classes. Got my laptop with me wherever I go. Check out the design on my screen. Can’t wait to meet Barbie after class and show her what our newest project is.”
– The Box For This Doll
71. Rappin’ Rockin’ Ken
Dufrau: oh no
Dufrau: Everybody besides Ken here is Saved By the Bell, but Ken has not been saved at all
70. Totally Hair Ken
Molly: She looks like Bette Porter took her out to an opera one time in the 1990s
69. Concert Date Ken
Did you live in the suburbs in 2002 and listen to a lot of Newfound Glory? Congratulations, this is your ex-girlfriend. She’s got everything for a perfect date, including bleached tips!
68. Ken Sporty Fashionista
Dufrau: i just really don’t like this one
67. Moda Jeans Ken
Cameron: I think I saw her at the big gay block party ohio straddlers hosted last year
Molly: I like this Canadian Tuxedo
Dufrau: she looks like she would be a good baker. that’s just a feeling i get. good cookies and lots of em.
Cameron: She’d def welcome you to the neighborhood with a jell-o creation. maybe a casserole.
66. Pop Life Ken
Stef: this ken plays rhythm guitar in like maximo park, she isn’t the cute one in the band but she makes it work
65. Naf Naf Ken
Mey: I’m not sure what’s going on here
Cameron: what the heck is a nafnaf
Dufrau: i don’t know but i think this ken was probably in Go Fish
64. Great Shape Ken
Says she got her outfit at Goodwill, actually got it at Urban Outfitters
63. Ocean Friends Ken
Stef: stop it
62. Ken Model 15
Dufrau: She looks like somebody Jenny Schecter would have dated for an episode or two
Mey: I’d date her
61. Fashion Fever Ken
Cameron: are his jeans backwards
Dufrau: i probably wore this exact thing in high school tbh
60. Gianfranco Ken
Dufrau: she looks kind of mean and i like it.
and kind of elderly which is probably the real reason i like her.
59. Harley Davidson Ken
An obvious homage to Dykes on Bikes
58. Sporty Fashionista Ken
Stef: this ken’s dad is going to call back to speak to your manager and you are gonna be SO FIRED
57. Dance Magic Ken
Cameron: you’ll never outdress her. everyone stop trying.
Jenna: i would go with her to a fun 80s queer prom
56. Beach Time Ken
Beach Time Ken has had a really intense summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
55. Sun Sensation Ken
Stef: girl that mesh top
ken is a go-go dancer at hot rabbit but doesn’t like to talk about it
Jenna: sun sensation ken has definitely been awake for at least 36 hrs and she’s just running on cocaine and glitter
54. Doctor Ken
Even your grandmother who was only so-so about you dating women loves Dr. Ken. Like your whole family is so obsessed with Dr. Ken that they don’t even care that she’s not Jewish and they’re like, hang on to this one, don’t fuck it up! And you’re like YEAH I KNOW as if having a perfect girlfriend isn’t stressful enough already
53. Western Stampin’ Ken
Cameron: I’ve seen western stamping ken at like every drag king show i’ve ever been to.
Mey: Western ken is the rodeo queen (a real thing) at a gay rodeo
Molly: Western Ken looks like they just had a weird feeling when their friend touched their new belt buckle
52. Cheerleader Ken
Dufrau: She could be the director of a utopian society
Riese: or the director of a dystopian society
Cameron: That girl in middle school who could never have a social life because of ballet class? look at her now. She has an accent for some reason.
51. United Colors of Benneton Ken
Ken has a house in Saratoga mostly decorated with stuff she picked up in New Mexico when she lived there for a minute back in the ’80s. She’s very sweet and inquisitive and she has two large dogs she loves to pieces but you know what now that you mention it, she never really liked camping as much as the other girls did. Another love would be women’s music, of course.
50. Photo Student Ken / Photographer Ken & Her Golden Retriever
At first she gave it a whirl because why not, she’s pretty good at Instagram?
Look at her now!
Her hair is so long and her dog has a fanny pack!
49. Art Director Ken
“You are cordially invited to the world premiere of Modern Circle Production Company’s newest movie, Love in the City of Angels.”
– The back of this doll box
Art Director Ken is an asshole to everybody except you and her entire apartment is white and spotless even though she has a dog. She takes you to cool events. You have a crush on her dog-walker but the dog-walker is apparently straight, which is problematic and offensive.
48. Victory Dance Ken
Valerie: She started an all-female Warblers in protest of the original and they only sing songs made famous by men but they don’t change the pronouns
47. Wedding Day Ken
Ken is so excited that she finally convinced Alan to let her wear a suit instead of a dress to Midge and Alan’s wedding!
46. Earring Magic Ken
Dufrau: She was the bouncer at a Boston dyke night club when i was 22
45. Cool Lookin’ Ken
So truly this is me in 1994 wearing my Dad’s shirt from Structure and you bet your ass I’m wearing full-on boxer shorts underneath those GapKids khakis. I also have a pair of Joe Boxer underpants underneath the boxer shorts because I love layers and large telephones.
44. Skate Date Ken
Molly: DO SKATE DATE’S PANTS ZIP OFF AT THE KNEE
because that’s all lesbians i know
43. All-Star Ken
Mey: This is Claire, Jasika Nicole’s wife
42. Horse Lovin’ Ken
Cameron: She’ll steal your heart and your cattle
Mey: I’d definitely marry her
41. Adventure Ken
Sarah: Adventure Ken is basically exactly what a baby dyke would wear and bring to a lez bar for the first time.
Cameron: Adventure Ken was in Tiger Cruise the DCOM
Mey: Tiger Cruise the September 11 military family one?
idk it was on a big boat
40. In-Line Skating Ken
She goes by her Roller Derby name on Facebook because she doesn’t want her toxic stepfather to find her. She’s a really loyal friend and a downright incredible girlfriend and always puts safety first!
39. Movie Date Ken
Dufrau: ok this one is just me on laundry day
38. Sporty Ken Fashionista
Valerie: What are the 100 poses
That seems like too many poses
Riese: puppy eyes
all the poses are different ways of serving puppy eyes
Jenna: yeah she’s always the sensitive one when she and her friends pretend to be a boy band
Valerie: Blue steel
37. Stylin’ Stripes Ken (2017)
Cameron: you think she’s gonna tell you about how we live in a post-gender, post-racial society but she surprises you by being super woke & you’re totally disarmed & you kind of hate yourself for it
36. Busy Ken With Holdin’ Hands!
Molly: SHE’S GOT HOLDIN’ HANDS
Stef: you can tell she’s genuine bc she has that sticker on her hip that says GENUINE
Molly: I love the cinch belt
Dufrau: She seems very attentive
Stef: Bringing you sodas
putting on some mood music
even answering your phone
Molly: “hey babe i saw your twitter rants today and picked up some calming lavender bath bombs”
Stef: she can’t be that busy
Molly: i don’t know how she does it
maybe we can have it all
35. Color Blocked Cool Ken (2017)
Cameron: i’d wear that.
Riese: yeah because this doll is you
Cameron: you might be right
Jenna: honestly i’d wear at least 75% of these outfits
Dufrau: yeah this is nice
34. Ken Fashionista Checkered Shirt
Stef: i think Deanne Smith owns this exact outfit
how does her hair even make that shape
Jenna: fucking dapper ken is wearing another outfit of mine what the fuck
step OFF, ken
33. Vintage Ken Doll With Matte Hair
Ken just got to Los Angeles from Missouri and before moving had really only ever hooked up with straight girls (there was like this whole THING in high school). She isn’t looking for a relationship, but she keeps falling in love with incredible women / making out with strangers at The Abbey / not knowing what to do with all these new feelings
32. Fashionista Ken Cutie
Dufrau: She dated two of my best friends sophomore year of college and ive never forgiven her for her behavior
Sarah: Cutie Fashionista Ken is the first time you get a dyke spike after listening to Viz by Le Tigre
Cameron: Cutie Fashionista Ken kept trying to be the Shane of the friend group
31. Sweet Talking Ken
Cameron: The actual Shane of the friend group & everyone’s mad about it
Dufrau: i think sweet talking ken looks like she used to be more buttoned up but then Shane gave her a makeover
30. Glitter Beach Barbie Ken
This is a lesbian who usually dresses on the masc side but always femmes it up for a thematic dance.
29. Tennis Stars Ken
Ken really oversold her experience with tennis on her first date with Barbie, which came back to haunt her five months later when it was time to go play tennis with Barbie’s parents, who were skeptical about Ken since Barbie has blown through so many girlfriends lately. Good news: Ken turned out to be really great at tennis, and you know how it goes: doubles, singles… they’re the champs!
28. Free-Moving Ken
It’s cool it’s not like they were soulmates! Ken’s fine. Ken’s totally gonna be fine.
27. Red White ‘n Wild Ken
Cameron: based on cynthia nixon’s wife’s tie at the tonys, i think she’d wear that coat
Alaina: rojo caliente the love of my life
26. Hip Hoodie Ken
Jenna: she likes to cuddle
Dufrau: she has a great haircut
25. Camp Ken
This is the blonde version of my ex-girlfriend, Marni, the co-director of A-Camp and an outdoor enthusiast.
24. Video Game Hero Barbie
Dufrau: Guy Fieri?
Mey: No that’s rainbow dash the lesbian pony from my little pony
23. Moschino® Barbie® and Ken®
Look me in the eyes and tell me this is not Nats Getty and Gigi Gorgeous.
22. The New Look Ken
This is what your ex wears when she drives by your house on her way home from work just to see if you’re around
21. Rainbow Prince Ken
Cameron: Well you can’t prove that she WASN’T a unicorn in a past life
Dufrau: She hosts a children’s show but adults watch because she is so soothing
20. Talking Busy Ken
Ken talks! She talks all the time! That’s been a big thing in your relationship, is both of you learning how to overcome your fucked up childhoods and communicate openly about your emotions so things don’t get bottled up. Ken’s having a tougher time accessing her emotions, but she will definitely talk about the things we do! Here’s what Ken will say:
- I’ll bring my guitar to the party.
- Help me pack for my vacation.
- Have you heard Barbie’s new records?
- Come on, let’s dance.
- Hi, this is Ken (as if he was speaking on the phone).
- Barbie’s a great cook.
19. Beachy Tropical Shirt Ken (2017)
Cameron: this is the outfit my friend wore to her bachelorette party. i’m not joking.
Dufrau: this is when you have a friend who is cuter than you and you’re just like “how the fuck??”
18. Preppy Check Ken (2017)
Jenna: gd i would also wear that one
Cameron: dressing just patriotically enough not to be called out at the family 4th of july cookout
17. Barbie & Friends
Ken is poly and has “fun” doing “things” with her “friends.” Look how happy she is!
16. Hyped On Stripes Ken (2017)
Cameron: this is just every summer gay.
Dufrau: this is Jenna Lykes except blonde. A COMPLIMENT I PROMISE.
15. Cali Cool Ken (2017)
Cameron: also every summer gay
Jenna: I feel like cali-cool said she would call you back, but she definitely didn’t call you back. And even though you didn’t really WANT her to call you back, it’s the principle of the thing.
14. Checked Style Fashionista Ken (2017)
DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT
13. Classic Cool Ken (2017)
Jenna: oh man, she’s very hot
Jenna: having some feelings about a doll rn
Cameron: she helped me find a book i was looking for a gender studies research paper & suggested something better. i revised my thesis.
then changed my major to joan.
12. Art Director Ken
Art Director Ken #2 is also an asshole but you deal with it ’cause she always gets bottle service for the table and has lots of stories about Closeted Power Lesbian parties in Palm Springs that happened in the late ’80s / early ’90s and she’s your only source regarding the possibility of Jada Pinkett-Smith being bisexual
11. Camo Comeback Ken
Cameron: She lost her snapback on a rollercoaster at Universal Studios.
Will not let you forget it
10. Big Brother Ken
Mey: Big brother ken is def a hot lesbian mom
Jenna: yeah, and she also owns a subaru
Mey: She ignores Sarah Pfefferman at PTA meetings
9. Fashionista Cutie Ken
Jenna: fashionista ken just came out
Dufrau: I think almost everybody has been this ken at some point
8. Cactus Cooler Ken (2017)
This outfit cost $400
7. Mermaid Ken
Mey: Based on the hair and necklace I’d say Mermaid Ken is a lesbian mermaid who is wearing a magical necklace that makes her human but bc magic is tricky, also a dude and she won’t turn into a woman until she kisses a girl or figures out she can just be trans.
6. Chill In Check Ken (2017)
So this is Present-Day Allison from the U.S. National Tour of Fun Home: The Musical.
5. Plaid on Point Ken (2017)
Alaina: This is a peak day two of A-Camp look when everyone wants to show off just how cute and queer they are so they wear their new wildfang button up AND wear hiking boots.
4. Barbie Dreamhouse Ken
Molly: oh god i’m dressed like barbie dreamhouse ken rn
I asked for pictorial proof of this situation, and she delivered:
3. Distressed Denim Ken (2017)
Dufrau: this one is just true. everybody is wearing that exact shirt right now.
Jenna: @dufrau I *am* wearing that shirt and that hair.
2. Ken Fashionistas Doll in Black & White (2017)
Like so many of you, I noticed that there is a Ken doll for every single one of my exes (who, let’s be real, might also be your exes). But what I wasn’t prepared for was a Ken doll that looks exactly like my PRESENT girlfriend. Wow! Good job Mattel!
1. Super Stripes Ken (2017)
Alaina: “Did they consult Brittani Nichols for this doll? Because this doll is Brittani Nichols.”
Brittani Nichols is definitely somebody’s ex-girlfriend, and is also a celesbian icon. Therefore, this doll is the #1 Most Lesbian Doll on the list. Congratulations!
Please show us your Ken pics: We Are All Lesbian Ken: Send Us Your Photos For A Community Gallery
The first thought I had when I saw the new Ken dolls was “I have seen all of these looks on Tinder.”
And for those interested: I self-identify as a cross between Plaid on Point Ken (in the chilly Pennsylvania fall/winter) and Preppy Check Ken (when I’m home on breaks and need to dress “appropriately” for family functions).
dufrau: i remember #46 so clearly, she really didn’t like me for some reason
I dont know if she liked anybody. Maybe she was just very professional?
i know so many glitter beach ken’s
I would marry Big Brother Ken or date Gianfranco Ken 100%. Personal style is perhaps closest to In-Line Skating Ken…but only on my butchest of days…which are rare
Isn’t Cool Lookin’ Ken just unlicensed Chandler?
May the lord opken
Omgggg nat Getty and Gigi gorgeous!!!!!!
You guys this is so good. So good.
But I have to disagree with you about distressed denim man bun Ken. Even if he may look like Jenna, in reality, he’s “Every dudebro you’ve ever encountered”.
I didn’t know I needed this article until now. Thank you
This is the good, pure content that I expect from Autostraddle. Also my little gay heart can’t take everyone looking so good in all these pictures of outfits synching up with the Kens.
Cameron: ” i revised my thesis then changed my major to Joan”
I aspire to be Gianfranco Ken but in reality I am Concert Date Ken
Concert Date Ken wears short-sleaved T-shirts over long-sleaved T-shirts and listens to cool bands. Not so bad!
37: excuse you this is clearly Rachel Maddow
30: I Feel Seen
I thought that until I got to #6, who is definitely Rachel Maddow.
I agree #6 is definitely Rachel.
Once you see Ken as a lesbian, you can’t un-see it. Does Mattel really think Ken Fashionista Checkered Shirt looks like a straight guy? Cause she’s clearly future wife material.
Moschino Ken and Barbie are Abby Wambach and her newly minted wife, Glennon Doyle.
I thought it was Ashlyn Harris stepping out on you-know-who.
OH MY GOD.
Yes! Came here to say that! Also #62 is obviously Amy Ray
Totally misread “Moschino Ken” as “Mochaccino Ken” ☕️
a fun game is to see how many of these you can easily approximate w/your existing wardrobe think i’m in the low 60s
Oh no, underage me was Beach Time Ken xD
*still has red net b/c I’m a living costume shop disguised as a homo sapien*
I used the wrong clipper guard yesterday, so Beachy Tropical Shirt Ken and I have the same haircut now.
62. Ken Model 15 is litterally me in doll form.
This was thoroughly entertaining to read.
i shit you not, i just saw a wildfang ad where the model was wearing Beachy Tropical Shirt Ken’s top.
The Dr. Ken description though!! @me and my girlfriend next time!
Two of my coworkers were gushing over these new hipster fashionistas and I was like “I dunno, these all look like lesbians I’ve met in Brooklyn,” and they got mad at me. I FEEL SO VALIDATED. Thank you.
If you think of #37 as a lesbian, she’s pretty hot, but if you think of #37 as a man, he instantly becomes the type of guy who says he’s a feminist, but turns out to be the biggest misogynist you’ve ever met.
I just moved to Chicago during goddamn pride month and I feel like I need to be #21 to be on point at all these queer theme parties. #5 is goals for turning 30. Trying to get #12 to get me a job.
Ken Fashion 15’s that person in your camp cabin who you think is gonna be too cool for you but then is really nice and even keeps in touch
which is actually especially kind because ken fashion 15 apparently did not have any hot water in her cabin
I really need this to be a master #tagyourself post for the community.
I made an account JUST so I could comment on this, because, I love it so very much. (Also hi.)
Dr. Ken is my dream woman, Cool Lookin’ Ken is how my cute trans boyfriend dresses and I find this very endearing.
Concert Date Ken looks a bit like Jared Kushner, is therefore my least favourite of all the Kens.
Gianfranco Ken resembles Isabella Rossellini, probably loves her Big Beef and Cheddar.
Crying because I definitely still have Adventure Ken (#41) and I got him at the same time as this Black GI Joe for my birthday when I was 5.
I know this because they were the only “dolls” I ever got before I got the Pocahontas one for Christmas.
Hilarious. Can’t unsee.
On that note, watch Barbie and the Diamond Castle. Seriously. You won’t regret. Someone really tried to keep it free from all sexuality , but since the miserable homophobe obv could imagine only straight elements to keep out, the result is literally the gayest cartoon i have happened upon, like ever.
I also recommend “Barbie: Life In The Dreamhouse” on Netflix. It’s not saphhic enough, but it’s surprisingly absurd and funny! On a similar note to your comment, Ken and Ryan have a bunch of *really* queer moments – either because the writers were obliviously straight or purposely trying to sneak in a few winks and nudges ;)
The kiddos I babysit and I LOVE “Life In the Dreamhouse”. I laugh so damn hard, and really wonder if any of the kids get the adult references.
Holy fuck, I used to have the Concert Date Ken!LOL!
I came here to have a good time and am feeling so attacked (also validated?) bc i am a solid half of these.
But especially the Glitter Beach Barbie Ken solely because of the description.
But like also I’ve been hit on by straight men in bars (also not in bars) wearing several of these outfits, and this article (and the intent of Mattel for these to be well, dudes) furthers my disbelief/unreality of those experiences (bc HOW??? WHY??) bc really, i could not look gayer (despite like being bi but like when i’m in a bar dressed like these ken dolls i’m not doing it for the dudes/do not want to deal with dudes who are not already my friends and that’s a factor in dressing that way bc it’s so goddamn gay).
I was very worried when I saw this article, because I felt for sure that man-bun Ken would feature prominently, with all its connotations of hipster dudebros.
But then I saw the picture of Jenna, and it’s just like…a bun? And it’s amazing, if you just take the man- part away.
Who would’ve ever imagined that.
Is it just me or does Gianfranco Ken look very much like Stockard Channing
FYI NafNaf is a French retail brand
The more you know!
I remember when I was in primary school, Naf Naf was trying to be a thing, which really does not work when naff is British slang for seriously uncool. Unless I was too young to get irony, which seems unlikely.
I mean NafNaf’s mascott was a pig and the logo was a pig’s hoof back in the day:
My mom went to Paris and brought me a ton of Naf Naf stuff to wear in school. Everyone was jealous
Naf Naf is also a local falafel chain in Chicago, so that seems pretty gay. Their logo is a camel, though.
16 Hyped-up stripes Ken (except with denim shorts) is my summer lesbian bar look.
ALSO I’ve just realised I never had a Ken doll, but more importantly I never WANTED a Ken doll. All I wanted were Barbies and horses, even the one child I had was “adopted” and had 2 mums. Who knew I was already designing a separatist community from age 4?
HOW DID I NOT KNOW I WAS GAY?!
Right!?! I had 4 dolls–1 Ken, 1 normal Barbie, one Belle from Beauty and the Beast (my animated root), and one dark-haired Barbie. I named the dark-haired one Diana, after my best friend’s mom, because I had a low-key crush on her.
And yet! I did not realize I was gay for another 22 years. Child Em was not terribly observant.
This is… the very best thing.
I was 5 at sixth form except we weren’t allowed jeans so I wore cords(and I identified as lesbian, I’m genderfluid but always masc). It was a weird school, girls (and guys/nb ppl I guess nobody was that androgynously femme) could wear short skirts and micro-tops but nobody could wear jeans or sportswear… We who were into girls didn’t complain about it for obvious reasons but it was a weird code.
Nafnaf one? She’s straight. She’s been invited to a gay bar by her lesbian friend & thinks she has to dress up, or maybe she’s just a huge tomboy. Matel obviously can’t call her naff cos it’s a family company… so she’s just not available for an unspecified act.
I love these readings of Ken as a lesbian because I’ve never bought that Ken was a het guy and these keep Ken and Barbie together in a way that the ‘Ken is gay’ narrative doesn’t.
Heeeey stopping by to say my sixth form experience and your sixth form experience are the same sixth form experience, right down to the cords…
(Also my wife was bollocked for wearing a long sleeved t shirt because it wasn’t business dress, right as a girl walked by in a crop top and mini ?)
Ken Model 15 is pretty much my type, regardless of gender identity.
I wouldn’t say no to Chill In Check Ken, a.k.a. Rachel Maddow on her day off, though.
I am not sure if you visit Autostraddle.com, but the more I think about it, the more I start to believe that you most probably do.
I would like to take the opportunity to apologise for consistently altering your appearance when I was a foetal gay. You see, up until this point, I was not aware Ken is, in fact, a woman. I thought she was just your average cis-het bloke doll – a plastic manifestation of heteronormativity and Patriarchal propaganda – and, needing to express my inner queerness even before I could find the words to describe it, I pinned an entire spectrum of gender expression onto you. I attacked your hair and clothes with scissors (another indicator of my lesbianism, perhaps) and made you into a Stone Butch one day, a High Femme the next (though trying to glue the severed locks back onto your scalp never quite had the desired effect). It must have been hella confusing to have to act out all the parts of me I wanted to see represented, and have your own identity (whatever that is; you do you, boo) be overridden.
I am very, very sorry for that. Not that it is much use to you now, but had I known about Ken’s fabulous true self, I suspect none of this would have happened.
Wherever it is that you went after I sold my collection of your spiky-haired selves on a flea market in 2006, I hope you are doing well.
P.S. My apologies also for tying a rope around your ankle and dragging you behind a boat for six hours.
what a joy of a sentence!
My barbies allowed me to explore kink at the tender age of 7. They were abducted, stripped and tied up quite frequently :o
My Animal Lovin’ Ken frequently ran a non-consent BDSM dungeon with Animal Lovin’ Barbie, when I was about 11, but they never fully broke Sindy’s and Ariel’s spirits.
Sadly, I later saw these youthful explorations as proof of my inherent kinkiness and used that as motivation to use kink as a crutch to be able to be sexual in situations where I was really uncomfortable, and thus failed to develop a healthy relationship with consent, especially enthusiastic consent, for a really long time. Damn you, Animal Lovin’ Ken!
Thanks everyone! And oh my goodness, Barbies and sexual exploration. I remember this one time when my foster brother walked in on me furiously rubbing two Barbies up against each other. He stood in the doorway talking to me for ages – astonishingly oblivious – while I just sat there, frozen, holding one doll in each hand in a position that probably has a very-hard-to-pronounce French name.
I named one of my Barbies Sue – her full name was Sue Barbie and her children included Batman and Wonder Woman.
I cut the hair on another of my Barbies and it turned into this weird spongy hair situation.
I’m maybe three of these Kens, but really that just means I have new fashion #goals
This is a lot
i want to make these poster size and wallpaper my home with them. text too
Is it weird that I am wholly jealous of Moschino Ken’s hair?
So, I was pretty sure that none of these Kens would like any of my ex-girlfriends. I’ve haven’t dated many women and I tend to prefer the Barbie spectrum over Ken. I was SO wrong.
#38 looks remarkably like a photo of my first girlfriend circa 1991, except she had longer hair. (She sent me this photo of herself on a deserted beach in Maine, and wrote on the back “one of the beach bums your mother warned you about” and I feel this Ken doll would do the same)
And wow, these new Ken dolls are pretty amazing looking! I’m impressed with how good they look.
“The Barbie spectrum” :D I guess this means Ken-of-centre is now an available gender presentation identity.
…This was supposed to be a reply to @cepperly
I love this!
KEN OF CENTER
I haven’t stopped screaming
I want that “best boyfriend” t-shirt so badly.
Animal Lovin Ken is the hip granny art teacher that gardens whom I aspire to be.
I am way too many kens-most embarrassingly camo comeback… Also I forgot Naf Naf exists, haven’t seen that label since ’93. Sad to see the only Ken I ever owned absent;
Formula 1 Ken, she had a glorious blue race suit covered in petrol and vehicle logos and wee racing booties. She was the kinda gal who’d pick you up for the first date in a sweet ride, and then drive like a total tool trying to impress you, thus you’d never go out with her again.
I’M FEELING VERY ATTACKED RIGHT NOW
The first step is admitting it!
Tbh I am just impressed! Calling you in, not calling you out.
I’m 100% sure that I used to have All-American Ken and I only ever used him to dress Barbie in his clothes. She looked great, btw.
I’m just so glad that Mattel has gotten with the times and finally gave all 2017 Kens the forearms she has clearly had and deserved from day 1.
Does anyone know if Big Brother Ken is single bc, wow, wife material af.
I’m a trans pan guy and I’m sitting dressed like #62 Ken lmao
This is a comment award all by itself, Dufrau “Everybody besides Ken here is Saved By the Bell, but Ken has not been saved at all”
#70 is also the hair that Ilene Chaiken sported in TLW’s reunion, so this is like The Chart, but for hair -conveniently illustrated by lesbian Ken.
A bag that “turns into slacks” is the gayest thing on this list don’t @ me
I remembered there being a different “Sweet Talking Ken” when I was a kid that would say stuff if you pulled his string, so I looked him up, and this newish version does talk – although you can record his speech, according to the sale page:
Ken is Barbies ultimate boyfriend
Ken says whatever you want him to say
He records up to 5 seconds of sound and plays back
3 different buttons on Ken dolls back for record and playback
Play back in high, normal or low pitch
Mattel clearly will be more responsible than any of us individually for “recruiting” the next gender-ation of women-loving-women. The new Kens should come with miniature toasters
Also, if #26 “Hip Hoodie Ken” is wearing a Firefly t-shirt, then she gets to be the fangirl Ken
Oh god, Art Director Ken is just my truest type. Those dark eyes, that dark hair! omg true boyfriend jeans and like NOT the best sense of fashion I just WANT HER.
Whoah, Gianfranco Ken(dra) is Rizzo from Grease!
God, I wish Rizzo were my ex-girlfriend. We could still be friends.
Okay but why do 27 and 28 look like exactly John Mulaney??
just scrolled up to verify and DAMN YOU’RE RIGHT
Is it wrong that I have like none of these outfit? Cause I was beginning to get scared and question my lesbian status… until this:
“DO SKATE DATE’S PANTS ZIP OFF AT THE KNEE
because that’s all lesbians i know”
Whew. Saved by my favorite shorts.
you are welcome
I can recreate most of the plaid ones, tbh. In-Line Skating Ken is especially me (like, I always have a flannel shirt tied around my waist if I’m not wearing it), but honestly Fashionista Ken Cutie is basically all of my outfits in the summer. Plaid shirt, shorts, flip flops.
Not gonna lie, I kind of want to date Video Game Hero. (Also, one of my best friends from college is DEFINITELY Dream House Ken, all day every day.)
Oh, I totally had Big Brother Ken as a kid. I ditched Ken for the most part and gave all the stuff to Barbie, though. My misandry set in early. Although, I did give both of my Ken dolls mermaid tails and let them swim with my actual color-changing mermaid Barbie.
when you pull the string on the back of Chill in Check Ken she gives you a 20-minute explanation of Trump’s ties to Russian state-controlled banks. Chill in Check Ken is Rachel Maddow.
I feel like Moschino Ken and Barbie are the same lesbian and she can’t decide if she wants to be butch or femme so she looks like an entirely different person depending on the day of the week (Moschino Ken and Barbie is me)
#74 is me ~age 10. #69 is me in college.
Also me in college would be a Ken in baggy button-fly jeans & a tight tank, probably one of the ribbed ones from Old Navy. Where is that Ken?
#40 I would just like to do a quick fact check for accuracy . . . a derby girl WOULD NEVER wear inline skates. ok bai
i was having the worst day, but these lesbian ken jokes made me 10/10
This post is begging for a drag king and burlesque show to that Aqua song, rewritten.
I’m a queermo Ken, in a queermo world
Etc etc etc
as a lifelong Aqua fan I approve (and might steal)
Ken Model 15 is a total babe, 10/10! (and she isn’t even my current type)
Thanks to this post, I’m at Toronto Pride for the first time and all I can see is many Ken dolls walking around. So far, 17 found!
yes!! My friends and I played lesbian Ken doll bingo all day at pride events in NY–10/10 would recommend this game
The fact that you actually put the pictures of the humans next to the pictures of their Ken selves is what sets Autostraddle apart.
I’m now thinking about everyone I know.
Coming from The Future to say: Oh my god I actually had Ocean Friends Ken, you need to know that her legs were *heat sensitive*
Like you were supposed to rub them so they’d turn skin-colored. That was the gimmick.