On our Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey (open to all women who have sex with women) we asked you, at the very end of the survey, if there was “anything else you want to tell us about how you fuck.” Of the nearly nine thousand humans who finished the survey, 3,361 of you took us up on that offer. Previously, we shared with you some of the sex advice you gave us in that section, but today, we’d like to share with you some of the things you shared with us just to share them, because sharing is caring and you are… amazing. You’re amazing. All of you are really, really truly amazing creatures. So, here are 50 statements you made, ripped mercilessly out of context and presented here for our collective enjoyment:
1. My mother had sex with a woman for the first time last night, and announced this afternoon that she is “transformed.” Lesbian/queer sex is transformative!
2. Just because a girl looks innocent doesn’t mean she’s not kinky as fuck
3. Once I humped a pillow while my girlfriend was on top of me and our landlord interrupted us to call through the door asking about rent and I answered without stopping the humping
4. The cats won’t stay off the damn bed.
5. I fuck with the coordination of a newborn lamb.
6. Buttsex is more fun than I expected!
7. There is something about a woman in a tux, you know? Like she could bring you into the bathroom, run her hand up your dress, fuck you on the sink, and then go back out into the party like nothing happened. But there’s that quick smile on her face when she brings you your champagne.
8. I sometimes talk about comic book characters in the middle of sex
9. I fuck as though I have no fucks to give.
11. I get off to Debbie Does Dallas. The feminist in me is sad. My clitoris is not.
12. After many years banging dudes because I thought that’s what I *should* be doing, it’s amazing to wake up to the woman I love and fuck her because it’s what I *want* to be doing.
13. Listening to Sleater-Kinney turns me on and I have the One Beat CD in my car and sometimes when I’m listening to it while driving on the highway I masturbate.
14. ALWAYS SOCKS ON
15. SEX WITH LADIES IS THE COOLEST
16. listl LIGHTS LOW, MUSIC LOUD. I-I-I-I could fuck you all the ti-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ime I-i-i-i-i-i-i-ime, i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ime.
17. FISTING = ROMANCE
18. I happy cry after fisting! Every time! Hooray for being a big gay!
19. If you even slightly touch my nipples I’m horny and you better be prepared to fuck me
20. I’ve had a threesome, with a husband and wife, every night for the past three months, with the exception of 12 days. And I’m fucking enjoying every damn minute of it!!!
21. Mindfuck, heartfuck, clitfuck, lovefuck, nursefuck, cosmosfuck, fingermouths, tonguefingers, earclit
22. Before sleeping with someone I really liked for the first time, I was terrified. There was this idea that all lesbians were really good in bed and I was afraid to tell someone I was inexperienced when I thought they were expecting me to just put my hand in their jeans and make some sort of orgasmic-Shane-alchemy happen. And then I had sex with someone I really liked for the first time and it felt like for the first time my body was doing exactly what it was meant to do and I didn’t have to think about a single thing and I was like, “Fuck, maybe all gay women really are good at sex, because I certainly am.” There is no other feeling in the world like making someone cry real tears because of how good you feel inside of them. Goddamn. Being gay was the best thing to ever happen to my sex life, I’ll tell ya that.
23. Thank you Autostraddle — every girl I’ve fucked has been a Straddler, many of whom I met at Straddler events!
24. I had an impromptu four-way last night. Just FYI.
25. Oral sex is definitely what tongues were made for. The whole eating-food-thing is just an added benefit.
26. Big 70’s style bush is the best
27. My cat likes to sit on me when I masturbate (I don’t let him) also the first time I went down on my girlfriend my cat jumped on her stomach and I laughed until I cried …. dammit, cat.
28. I’m going to build my own harness out of bike parts!
29. One time I had sex on acid and my genitals looked like my dad’s face.
30. I say a lot of things about myself during sex that I would not say about myself at any other time, primarily phrases like “I’m your bitch.”
31. I could make Christian Grey look like a kitten in the bedroom.
32. Lesbians love boobs. Regardless of how often my fiancee and I fuck, we feel each other up constantly.
33. It’s my birthday and my girl is taking me to a bondage swingers club! I’m super excited!
34. They say sex is like pizza, but I feel like sex with guys is like frozen pizza. Yeah okay, it’s something, but it’s not really what I want when I want pizza.
35. I fucked a girl with a carrot once
36. Usually there is talking, laughing, loving, breathing, fighting, crying, drinking, writing, winning, losing, cheating, kissing, thinking, and dreaming involved.
37. I think if we are twisted in some kind of weird pretzel formation and are both being penetrated, it it is a great day.
38. My partner is a GOD IN BED and I’m never ever banging another straight person again.
39. It’s better now at age 57 than any other time in my life!
40. If I could get with more women, I would be able to fill out so many more things on this survey.
41. Sometimes when I come really hard, I see rainbows.
42. I fuck like a pornstar Party like a rockstar Play like an all star
43. My first time was in the toilet cubicle of a classy café.
44. Afterwards I feel all fuzzy inside – like a sexed up bear who just wants to snuggle.
45. I can’t say enough about hanging upside down, tangled in fruit by the foot.
46. I’ve had some weird sex and some great sex and I wake up everyday so fucking greatful that I’m queer as fuck.
47. It took me six years to get to a proper orgasm, I’m not waiting six more to get fisted – let it be known!
48. At least my dildo loves me.
49. I think we need a scientific inquiry about cats’ fascination with lesbian sex. I don’t think I’ve had sex in which a cat did not wander in to watch. Or would chill under the bed. Is this a common experience?
50. I’d like to tell everyone else to OWN IT. Own who you are. Own your sex life. Own your right to fuck who you want, how you want (assuming they also want that). Women and the LGBTQ population have been told for too long what they should and shouldn’t do. Fuck that. Let’s own our sexuality.