26 Bits Of Solid Sex Advice You Gave Us On Autostraddle’s Lesbosexy Sex Survey

Last month’s Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey was a rip-roaring success. We received over 8,000 completed surveys and are still sifting through that massive pile of data. You can expect numerous posts drawing on survey data on this website throughout the year.

In the last question of the survey we asked, “Is there anything else you want to tell us about the way you fuck?” and many of you told us not only about your own sex lives but also about how to make our own sex lives more awesome. Here’s some of what you said.*

Sexy Advice From the 2015 Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey

  1. fuck with respect and trust ALWAYS.
  2. Freedom, respect, consent, love, eagerness
  3. Sex toys ALL THE TIME!
  4. Sex is art.
  5. Pussy > Cigarettes (don’t start smoking it is bad for you)
  6. Sex is like a degree and each person you fuck is a new course you’re taking.
  7. Sitting on a girl’s face is the best way to start the day tbh
  8. It’s all about the story. Fantasy is huge!
  9. life != porn tastes. like at all.
  10. The hottest and most fun sex involves humor as silliness.
  11. Gotta have music to set the mood. For kink scenes, metal.
  12. There’s a lot of soul care that needs to happen sometimes.
  13. Asking for what you want is the best way to get it and it’s worth the vulnerability required to ask.
  14. Take your time, but when it’s time you better give them what they’ve been waiting for.
  15. Poly threesomes are the best!!!
  16. <ore lube, y’all
  17. Everything is more fun when laughter is included.
  18. Oral sex is awesome and everyone should enjoy giving and receiving more of it!
  19. hard, fast, slow, soft, teasing, but always with trust and care.
  21. Fast and furiously fucking each other at the same time is challenging, but nothing beats it.
  22. The dirtier the better.
  23. It always comes down to communication and enthusiasm. If you’ve got that, you’re golden.
  24. Orgasms are not always the end goal.
  25. You enjoy your food while you’re eating it, not when it’s all done. So enjoy what you’re eating! Have fun with the process!! No pressure! :)
  26. Fucking is awesome! People should fuck more or less. Whatever they are into. The end.

*Some responses have been edited/condensed.

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Ryan Yates

Ryan Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, The Daily Beast, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Ryan has written 1142 articles for us.


  1. On the buffalo wings, 1x washing hands is probably not enough if you’re the one that made the wings. 3x might not even be enough…

  2. I was a little tipsy when I responded to this survey, and am now trying to recall what all I included…

  3. Quick question: Why did you guys change the photo on the front page for this article after it was posted? The original image was fine…now it’s the same old image of conventionally attractive women.

      • i know that photo was the absolute best i love it! but we can’t have fully naked humans on the front page of our website during the week :-( — we sometimes have had fully naked humans in the feature images for NSFW Sunday, but even that we’ve been curbing lately. we’ve run into a lot of trouble with that the past few months. as soon as i noticed that this post had gone up with entirely naked human bodies on the front page (i think b/c it was originally planned for a sunday), i just scrambled to replace the photo with the first picture in my NSFW Sunday folder that featured two non-white women in a sexual situation. but carolyn’s gonna put the photo that was the feature into this week’s NSFW Sunday!

        • Thanks! I totally understand. And thanks for the quick reply, you guys are the best! I appreciate how inclusive and diverse autostraddle is with NSFW Sunday (and well pretty much always) it’s refreshing after always being bombarded with the same standards of beauty that mainstream media produces and sells.

        • I also really liked the first pic, but this one reminded me that I need to rewatch “I Can’t Think Straight”, which I did today, and which made me very happy.
          I do wonder, though, if reception of the movie would be more negative or divided these days with interreligious tensions running so high.
          That said, I’m going to be happy to see Sunday’s NSFW header picture resurface!
          Is the weekend rule really because NSFW and this means not on a work day, or something?
          I’m still trying to understand the US’ violence is ok, nudity isn’t policy.
          But then..I never understood the magical allure of foodstuffs that are not what they are supposed to be either.
          “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!” Uhm, yay?
          Sorry, rambling, off to bed.Now.

  4. wait what does this mean

    “life != porn tastes. like at all.”

    I really want to understand, but I just…don’t?

    • != is does not equal in programmer speak. Though my life and my porn tastes are pretty similar so eh, do not agree.

  5. “always with trust and care” is the kind of thing I’m gonna paste into a dashboard post-it on my MacBook because damn if it doesn’t ring true in all situations, sexy or not

  6. I freaking LURVE buffalo wings! That would kind of hurt though wouldn’t it cuz of the spice…and upset like..the ph balance? Oh..man…ranch..it definitely would. Yeck.

    • Hi Justina…. oh my, yes! But having her inside of you missionary and then pulling up on her lap and kissing while she is all deep inside you. Being fucked down there and with her kisses too! It made me want to cry with happiness and being loved!

  7. After reading the survey that says people who use emojis while texting have more sex, I’ve really just been focusing on the science-based approach.

    To the point that someone just told me that I have enough information at this point to do a complete blog entry on it for everyone else’s benefit. Which I’m sure wasn’t meant to imply that my OCD tendencies have taken over . . . again.

    • Hi Maggie….I liked your reference to “science”! :)

      But can I request that you not refer to “OCD” unless you are clinically OCD? If you are, then it’s fine. But if not, please know that OCD is an agonizing mental disorder of neurotransmitter chemical imbalance in the brain, most often in women, that can cause a life to be totally disrupted.
      I just wanted you to be aware…ok?
      Hugs for you!
      Sarah….OCD since 14

      • I completely understand and respect your request– it was pretty off-hand, and I should have skipped it (since it does sound very casual, and there’s no real background/explanation involved).

        To clarify: I did kind of automatically mention it because (DSM-wise, diagnosis on record, etc.), I am. Studies and research-related things are, for some reason, a rabbit hole for me; if I get hung up on one (a study, a thesis, a research question, a project, a paper), I’ll keep chasing it to no end (this was a tremendous problem in grad school, as it made it very difficult to get papers past the research stage into the writing stage– literally piles and piles of books and photocopies). I do understand the disruption; in reference to the grad school situation, that was one of the reasons I left, because the anxiety produced by that particular ongoing issue was overwhelming and no one was ever able to treat it effectively. I’ve also had to move out of a living situation entirely when the compounded rituals attached to that space began to take up so much time that any other activity was comprised. Co-existing disorders are also an issue.

        I hope that clarifies that there was technically a frame of reference there, and I didn’t intend as a slur– I really was referring to myself. Nonetheless, point taken; as I reread it, it comes off as casual and flip. You were right to call me out. People do say things like that as shorthand (or slang? I’m not sure what the term here would be) for just general idiosyncratic behavior.

        So, thanks :) Everyone should be cautious about language. (and the blog post is already underway, for the record!)

  8. From the research path #20 set me on I have learned that Thai peppers outrank Cayenne on the Scoville scale and my lady parts are possibly more Cajun than my tongue or my face.

    (i.e. I got tabasco reisdue on my face as child and I cried, but I got Thai pepper residue in my intimates and I did not cry.)

  9. Having managed to get both chilli and deep heat in my eye I can only imagine the horror of the buffalo wing experience that led to the original posting. Lordy.

  10. So let’s say you chop up some Serrano peppers for a roasted corn carbonara that you feed to your lovely lady…one hand washing is just not enough.

  11. About #thirteen! About asking…..I asked my gf “Would you please fuck me?” She said, “Yes I will, Sweetie!” and smiled that smirky boss girl smile! And then she did.
    And then I asked her , “Would you mind fucking me harder, and make my butt bounce!” And she most certainly DID!
    Ask, and ye shall receive!!
    Vulnerable? Or smart like a fox? :)

  12. Also, about # 7. My sweetie believed that, apparently! She once set our alarm so that she could have time to “feed” me before leaving for work. Made me feel like her little slut! It was so hot! :)

  13. The Buffalo Wings Comment OMFG. Truuuuuuuu. *(also, Jalapeño peppers, banana peppers, anything spicy. This is the best advice I can give to you. Go forth and prosper.) You’ll thank me later. *winky-face*

  14. I feel like maybe I was smart enough to write #24 but highly doubt it and would just like to think that I did, but 24 is so important you guys!!

  15. If you need help sifting through those 8000 surveys, I have access to good data processing software and time on my hands. Just throwing that out there out of the goodness of my heart and not because I’m a huge nerd who would personally love to play with that data

  16. This survey was awhile back now, but I just wanted to THANK YOU for making it bi, pan, and trans inclusive!

    The folks over at AfterEllen just did a sex survey that, while it allowed you to identify as bi or pan, only wanted answers about sex with ladies — even if you sleep with both men and women, or your male partner has a vagina. First time I’ve really felt left out of a queer space just by virtue of having a boyfriend!

    So again, thanks!

  17. AHH. THERE’S MY SUBMISSION. I FEEL FAMOUS, even though it was anonymous. These articles are all making me feel so included and somewhat NORMAL for the first time in any sex survey ever.

  18. I love these articles, I’m really femme and I’ve always been a bottom, but I topped my girlfriend for the first time tonight and I feel f#**ing amazing! I can’t believe I haven’t done that before. All femme girls need to top their girlfriends, it’s life changing

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