26 Bits Of Solid Sex Advice You Gave Us On Autostraddle’s Lesbosexy Sex Survey

Last month’s Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey was a rip-roaring success. We received over 8,000 completed surveys and are still sifting through that massive pile of data. You can expect numerous posts drawing on survey data on this website throughout the year.

In the last question of the survey we asked, “Is there anything else you want to tell us about the way you fuck?” and many of you told us not only about your own sex lives but also about how to make our own sex lives more awesome. Here’s some of what you said.*

Sexy Advice From the 2015 Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey

  1. fuck with respect and trust ALWAYS.
  2. Freedom, respect, consent, love, eagerness
  3. Sex toys ALL THE TIME!
  4. Sex is art.
  5. Pussy > Cigarettes (don’t start smoking it is bad for you)
  6. Sex is like a degree and each person you fuck is a new course you’re taking.
  7. Sitting on a girl’s face is the best way to start the day tbh
  8. It’s all about the story. Fantasy is huge!
  9. life != porn tastes. like at all.
  10. The hottest and most fun sex involves humor as silliness.
  11. Gotta have music to set the mood. For kink scenes, metal.
  12. There’s a lot of soul care that needs to happen sometimes.
  13. Asking for what you want is the best way to get it and it’s worth the vulnerability required to ask.
  14. Take your time, but when it’s time you better give them what they’ve been waiting for.
  15. Poly threesomes are the best!!!
  16. <ore lube, y’all
  17. Everything is more fun when laughter is included.
  18. Oral sex is awesome and everyone should enjoy giving and receiving more of it!
  19. hard, fast, slow, soft, teasing, but always with trust and care.
  21. Fast and furiously fucking each other at the same time is challenging, but nothing beats it.
  22. The dirtier the better.
  23. It always comes down to communication and enthusiasm. If you’ve got that, you’re golden.
  24. Orgasms are not always the end goal.
  25. You enjoy your food while you’re eating it, not when it’s all done. So enjoy what you’re eating! Have fun with the process!! No pressure! :)
  26. Fucking is awesome! People should fuck more or less. Whatever they are into. The end.

*Some responses have been edited/condensed.

Carolyn Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Carolyn has written 1045 articles for us.


  1. About #thirteen! About asking…..I asked my gf “Would you please fuck me?” She said, “Yes I will, Sweetie!” and smiled that smirky boss girl smile! And then she did.
    And then I asked her , “Would you mind fucking me harder, and make my butt bounce!” And she most certainly DID!
    Ask, and ye shall receive!!
    Vulnerable? Or smart like a fox? :)

  2. The Buffalo Wings Comment OMFG. Truuuuuuuu. *(also, Jalapeño peppers, banana peppers, anything spicy. This is the best advice I can give to you. Go forth and prosper.) You’ll thank me later. *winky-face*

  3. If you need help sifting through those 8000 surveys, I have access to good data processing software and time on my hands. Just throwing that out there out of the goodness of my heart and not because I’m a huge nerd who would personally love to play with that data

  4. This survey was awhile back now, but I just wanted to THANK YOU for making it bi, pan, and trans inclusive!

    The folks over at AfterEllen just did a sex survey that, while it allowed you to identify as bi or pan, only wanted answers about sex with ladies — even if you sleep with both men and women, or your male partner has a vagina. First time I’ve really felt left out of a queer space just by virtue of having a boyfriend!

    So again, thanks!

  5. I love these articles, I’m really femme and I’ve always been a bottom, but I topped my girlfriend for the first time tonight and I feel f#**ing amazing! I can’t believe I haven’t done that before. All femme girls need to top their girlfriends, it’s life changing

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