Bomb Girls 203 Recap: Beards Are For Shaving

First of all, huge shout-out to the super incredible folks who make Bomb Girls. I’m obsessed with your show, and I’m glad that you’re at least nominally comfortable with my obsession. Now that I know you read my recaps, I’m going to stop making so many lewd clitoris jokes.

I MADE IT

Kidding! All of the clitoris jokes. All of them.

In this week’s episode, even more people got lucky than last time, and I had to get up and vomit at not one, but two points in the narrative! Also, there is a lot of talk about following one’s heart and I cried like the 5’8″ infant I am. This show has taken over my life, okay? I look forward to it all week and then I spend an hour crying and eating my feelings and saying things like “YOU LOVE HER JUST TELL HER YOU LOVE HER YOU BIG STUPID LESBIAN GOD YOU ARE BOTH SO PERFECT” at my computer screen, and then I have to take an angry nap because I can’t deal with my emotions. This is why this recap took so long. Because feelings.

The girls arrive at the factory on a parade float. Between a company parade float and the Valentine’s Day decorations, the VicMu accountants’ blood pressure continues to rise at a dangerous rate. The girls are supposed to be boosting wartime morale, but we all know there’s a much more appropriate use for that float.

IF YOU'RE QUEER AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS

HEY HEY HO HO THE PATRIARCHY HAS GOT TO GO

Since everyone is in Super Canada Wartime Pride Mode, Marco is across town trying to sign his perfect ass up for war. Unfortunately they have a strict No Italian Pastry Policy, and have deduced that he is not just excited to see them, but that is, in fact, a biscotti in his pocket.

i'm not even sure my cannolli will fit into a uniform, sir

i’m not even sure my cannoli will fit into a uniform, sir

Lorna is holding an after-school cooking seminar for her Brownie troop, aka Troop VicMu Blue Shift. They are going to earn their Rice Krispie Treat Badge or something. Is that a badge you can earn? I lasted a week in Brownies, and then they asked me to leave because I kept eating the activity supplies.

look bob, i can tell you on good authority that ketchup is a legitimate form of lubricant

look bob, i can tell you on good authority that ketchup is a legitimate form of lubricant

Back at the ranch, Gladys asks Marco to pass out some enlistment flyers to his buddies. Marco says he doesn’t want to pass out her stupid flyers because he is dealing with some stuff right now, okay Gladys?! Vera says he is just peeved because of the army’s Anti-Spaghetti Sentiments. Gladys decides that she is going to make him her pet project because she is the Cher Horowitz of this munitions factory.

Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians.

Well it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. ’cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Italians.

Betty’s sad because Kate wasn’t in a rainbow bikini on the float this morning, and Kate says she was sleeping in after partying hard with her hockey buddies. Kate says a “soldier boy” bought all the drinks and um is that a hint of a challenge I hear in her beautiful Disney voice and see in her beautiful Disney face?

you missed me getting drunk alone while rewatching the l word and wishing carmen was a real person

you missed me getting drunk in my room while rewatching the l word and wishing carmen was a real person

Betty says to pace herself because the Maple Leafs might actually have a decent season and pigs are flying across the sky in droves. Actually, I should clarify that at one point in history Toronto did actually have a decent hockey team and this is not just a raving fever dream from the Leafs fans in the writers’ room. And since nothing puts Canadians in the mood like hockey and being considerate, you can bet this episode promises some sweet, sweet lovin’ for all consenting participants.

Gladys tells Marco she is about to give his life a total makeover, aka he can now sit at their table at lunch, pick out new hot outfits in a shopping montage set to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” and maybe get his father out of internment camp. Marco says that springing his dad and trying to find a cute bag that will match his eyes is a lost cause.

on wednesdays we wear pink also you have got to put the cannoli away because i am watching my carbs

on wednesdays we wear pink also you have got to put the cannoli away because i am watching my carbs

Down at Ye Olde Canteene, Betty is explaining why she doesn’t need to attend a cooking class, aka achieve her Rice Krispies Treat Badge, by speaking only in lesbian sex innuendo. Right? Please tell me I’m not the only one who heard that.

RODEOHBONINGEGGZ

Kate is experiencing some shaky finger issues because hey girl, we’ve all been there the morning after. Lorna notices the Lesbian Version of Morning Wood and calls foul. She assigns Kate to inventory because she can’t have a drunk on the assembly line. That would be as crazy as a fully grown man busting through a gigantic heart in a toga! Crazy, I tell you!

cawfee

lesbian-sex-induced carpal tunnel syndrome is a real condition with real consequences, miss andrews

Kate goes down to the warehouse to take care of her duties, which actually means she is going at the secret stash of booze pretty hard. Leon tries to heal her with song, but when this doesn’t work he goes for nostalgia and calls her a church mouse. Kate makes it clear she is no church mouse.

i don't even wanna talk about how much time i put into this

Brownie Troop Blue Shift is about to earn their Rice Krispie Treat Badge. Kidding! They’re earning a Cow Tongue Badge! God bless Meg Tilly in her infinite wonderfulness for handling this situation. I myself had to leave the room and listen from my kitchen while I contemplated letting my recently digested meal of Oreo Fudge Cremes have a visit with the sink.

i want to make a joke in this caption but i am literally too disturbed to do so

i want to make a joke in this caption but i am literally too disturbed to do so

Everyone’s priceless faces look like that time I accidentally downloaded hetero porn.

BUT WHY IS HE PUTTING IT IN THERE

BUT WHY IS HE PUTTING IT IN THERE

you can't just start with three fingers what is this moron playing at

you can’t just start with three fingers what is this moron playing at this is some shoddy technique

Needless to say, only a few people earned their badges that day as most of the girls had their moms pick them up early. Lorna is discouraged by her Brownie Troop’s serious disinterest in the tongues of dead cattle. I can’t post any more screencaps of this situation because I cannot revisit this cow tongue situation for at least a few days, or at least when I am able to hold down more than ginger ale and crackers.

Gladys meets her father for her mother’s birthday dinner, even though she has been working really hard on this whole Independent Woman thing. She uses this time to get him to help her with Celebrity Makeover: Marco Edition. Unfortunately, even the inventor of Toaster Strudel has his mortal limits. Gladys is not to be discouraged though because she is like 94% sure she can make Marco over in time to get him a homecoming date and get his dad back.

omg dad you are literally so embarrassing right now i can't even lumping talk to you

omg dad you are literally so embarrassing right now i can’t even lumping talk to you

Over at Ye Olde Hockey Bar, the Leafs are continuing this extra special winning streak. Everyone is getting touchy-feely with news of the victory and Kate, yes, that precious angel, HIGH FIVES HER DATE. Shoutout to every closeted queermo who has ever avoided physical contact with handshakes, high fives, and other incredibly awkward ways to touch a person without encouraging hugs or kisses. A gif is the only way to show this.

credit: geekingisunderrated@tumblr

credit: geekingisunderrated@tumblr

Betty and Ivan have a conversation about Ivan wanting to finally get lucky because according to all the straight guys with neckbeards on Okcupid, he has “put in the time” and “deserves to finally get out of the friendzone” because he is a “nice guy.” You know, because women are actually Sex Machines and if you put enough Niceness Tokens in them, eventually they will have sex with you. Betty compares Ivan to Hitler, and says she needs to go hit the hay. It’s the most beautiful beard avoidance I’ve ever seen.

Leafs won today, babe. It’s a damn wonder. Enough to make a guy think anything can happen.

Yeah, it’s like Hitler. He thinks he’s won but the series isn’t over. I better go.

I wasn’t talking about Hitler.

HEYBETTSHITLER

Over at Joyless Junction, Lorna tricks Bob into eating the cow tongue. It is sweet, sweet vengeance since he is the human form of Grumpy Cat.

grumpycat

Gladys goes to Casa Marco to tell him she’s gotten a hearing for his father, and, like, the cutest fucking skirt at Forever 21, he is literally gonna die when he sees it. Marco doesn’t think it’ll work with his skin tone, plus his dad is super stubborn, and tells his mother that they should “postare.” From this word, Gladys understands they are going to postpone the hearing, which is hilarious because my first thought would have been “send him some mail.”

i went to all the trouble of finding you an outfit that would match those heinous glitter flats you picked out and this is how you respond

i went to all the trouble of finding you an outfit that would match those heinous glitter flats you picked out and this is how you respond

Betty finds Kate passed out on the couch. It looks like Kate is experiencing my sophomore year in college, when I was often woken up by lesbians who had found me sleeping naked on their couch. Betty, overcome with LoveforKate-itis, is starting to get super concerned about Kate’s behavior. Kate says she’s just trying to have a normal life, which requires her to push away her memories.

I’m having a good time. It keeps me from remembering things I wanna forget.

Running away won’t fix it. Your dad is dead.

We agreed, Betty, a normal life from here on in. That’s what I want, just like you. A good job, a guy like Ivan.

Betty makes her typically heart-breaking face. It’s like someone is ripping out my feelings and individually stomping and then drowning all of them.

i just feel like this couch really limits the positions we can try

i just feel like this couch really limits the positions we can try

Pages: 1 2 See entire article on one page

Profile photo of Kate

Hard-lovin' butch made of tears, sweat, and spit, in that order. Full-time writer, part-time lover, freelancing in fancy cheese and cider. Made in America but making a darn good life of it in Dublin, Ireland.

Kate has written 126 articles for us.

50 Comments

  1. Thumb up 3

    Please log in to vote

    “Gladys decides that she is going to make him her pet project because she is the Cher Horowitz of this munitions factory.”

    YES I HAD THAT SAME THOUGHT CHER HORWITZ
    a dash of helen peabody as well

  2. Thumb up 5

    Please log in to vote

    “This show has taken over my life, okay? I look forward to it all week and then I spend an hour crying and eating my feelings ”

    I am so glad we are in this together. There are only so many times you can refresh Betty/Kate images on Tumblr (while at work).

    Also I HAVE to mention how Betty swaggers off that float and then struts it across the scene in the beginning with Vera and Gladys chatting. Be still my beating lesbian heart!

  3. Thumb up 6

    Please log in to vote

    I love that you’re doing these recaps! I stated watching because of them.
    Also, just in time to bring it up at work and learn that the lady I serve iced lattes to every morning created the show. She seemed super pleased to hear from a fan, so maybe I should tell her that the lady-queers at Autostraddle enjoy it too. AND USE THAT AS COLLATERAL to not break out hearts with the Kate/Betty plot.

  4. Thumb up 5

    Please log in to vote

    did you know Ali Liebert was on the L word once. for about 10 seconds, singing sir mixalots ‘baby got back’ at karaoke night(S1E02). maybe you already mentioned that somewhere. maybe I’m the only one who finds this quite amusing. but still, It’s like the fucking chart, every lesbian plot-line is connected to the l word by at least one actress involved.

  5. Thumb up 2

    Please log in to vote

    Your recaps make my life, i have been pounding refresh on the homepage since Wednesday, you don’t understand.

    I was happy with how they did the whole Ivan thing, too. It seemed very real and Betty didn’t turn straight afterwards- instead, she actually dumps him. I think her going to church wasn’t just for Kate’s benefit- it mirrored her own internal struggles on trying to live more authentically.

    Also, can I say that I’m glad they are really showing the kinds of internalized privilege Gladys has. She’s all ‘I’m one of YOU guys!’ but she very much isn’t, she wants to be a part of the factory but still expects others to bow to her family name. I’m hoping that this experience with the Italian camp makes her a more interesting character.

  6. Thumb up 3

    Please log in to vote

    I decided to log in with my never used autostaddle account because I was so grateful for this recap. My roommate inspired a panic attack the other day when she was watching bomb girls and she goes, “I think they’re killing the lesbian plotline. It’s okay because Ivan/Betty are still super cute.”

    I don’t think I need to explain my horror to autostraddle bomb girl fans. Further panic ensued when I realized a recap hadn’t been put up yet and I could not confirm/deny my roommate’s ridiculously bad straight girl suspicion.

    Anyway THANK YOU for the recap. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who had to “to take an angry nap because I can’t deal with my emotions.”

    Also the pride float picture killed me.

  7. Thumb up 3

    Please log in to vote

    I love your recaps so much. Thank you for the serious note about queer life in the forties I think the frothing part of the fandom needs it. As for the family whistle, my family has one. It’s mostly used for finding each other in crowds and stores. Man was it ever embarrassing at fourteen.

  8. Thumb up 2

    Please log in to vote

    With no disrespect at all to these marvellous recaps, I for one am relieved that there will be no more cannoli foetus imagery, because I once had a really disturbing dream about this couple that had a baby that was a cabbage. I think it also had some sort of respiratory problems, it was a breathing, wheezing, cabbage. So ever since that, I am easily creeped out by scenarios involving unusual infant substitution, such as the cannoli feotuses, also Little Otik.

    Aside from that, I felt like Gladys’s trouble-making really went up a gear this episode. That mystery call that got Marco out of jail was in fact from me, because I wanted to guarantee Gladys would not learn the error of her ways and will continue to inadvertently sabotage the entire allied operation.

    • Thumb up 2

      Please log in to vote

      Wait. Did this dream come out of this recap? Like you had a dream about a baby cabbage with asthma because Kate posted the picture of baby cannoli? Or these two things were unrelated?

      I had a dream once I gave birth to a full grown daschund dog and kept thinking, ‘what will my girlfriend say?’ which I guess is a valid response to that situation.

      • Thumb up 1

        Please log in to vote

        Oh, I had the cabbage dream when I was a teenager or something. It was just Lorna holding the cannoli baby that stirred up my long-held trauma.

        Giving birth to a whole daschund sounds very ancient mythology-ish, also painful. I think dream you needs to look out for herself a bit more – if I’d just birthed a full-grown dog I don’t think I’d give a shit about what anyone said except my gynecologist.

  9. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Kate, you are a hilarious and brilliant recapper. After reading the first two recaps, I watched every episode to date over the weekend. As a queer and a local, hearing Betty and Gladys talking about riding the streetcar warms my heart. Also, Grumpy Cat is a gem and reminds me a little of Vega’s face.

    The photo with Lorna’s food demo made me think “I wonder if that’s how Bob feels in bed with his wife”, and got grossed out for a second time from it.

  10. Thumb up 3

    Please log in to vote

    The wonderful thing about this show is that – unlike any other show – I wasn’t at all discouraged when Betty started dating Ivan, or even when she slept with him. I wasn’t thinking, “Are they going to turn her straight?” or “Oh, of course the lesbian has to sleep with a man.” The whole time we could tell she was 100% not into him other than to talk about hockey and use him as a beard so that she would be safe. And it was SUCH a great moment when she schooled super-privileged Gladys on why she had to date Ivan. Maybe the straight people watching this learned a lesson, too.

    Plus – I think even in what they decided to show, they did well, because the implication that sex happened was MUCH less explicit than what’s been shown with other couples – for example, no scene afterwards with them half-dressed (let’s be real, if there was it would’ve been pretty depressing, hah) or anything like that. And Betty totally did that “reach for the belt, let’s get this over with” move again.

  11. Thumb up 1

    Please log in to vote

    I’m not sure which I enjoy more, the show or the recaps? Luckily, I don’t have to choose.

    I especially liked the discussion of Betty and Ivan in relation to the hardships faced by “deviant” women in this time period. And even though we still do have a ways to go, references such as this make me even more grateful for all those who have fought and continue to fight for our rights.

    • Thumb up 1

      Please log in to vote

      i try so hard to be neutral in these recaps but it is becoming very difficult to hide the fact i am a big ol’ habs fan from a big ol’ quebecois family of habs fans

      i don’t want to talk about last night’s game but whatever GO HABS GO

      also really hoping someday there are some quebecois on this show but nbd i will still love bomb girls regardless

  12. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    One of the best part of my week? Those recaps. I loved them more than the show itself.
    So much so that I decided to open an autostraddle account after lurking for two years. Yes that’s right, I’m going to stop being shy about leaving comments on my favourite website.
    Also, beef tongue? It’s delicious. Really. I was quite taken aback by everybody’s digusted reaction to Lorna’s recipe because, um, girls, this is war, there are going to be restrictions. Also Europeans at the time would have been ECSTATIC for any kind of meat.
    I find it odd that there’s no mention AT ALL of Quebec or quebequois on the show. French-speaking Canadians apparently don’t exist (maybe that’s a common thing in English-speaking shows in Canada I don’t know).

    • Thumb up 1

      Please log in to vote

      I don’t find it odd that there is no mention of Quebec, because:

      1) Toronto (where this show is set) is a very Anglophone part of Canada.

      2) Correct me if I am wrong here, but there has been no mention of any other province (or territory) on the show yet.

      To me, it doesn’t feel like a topic which has been avoided, only a plot line which hasn’t come up yet. As a Montrealer, I would love a plot involving a French lady or three…

      GO HABS GO!

      • Thumb up 0

        Please log in to vote

        You’re right but I meant “no mention of Quebec” as in: someone could have a French-sounding last name, or somebody mentioning in passing that their mom/dad/fiancé speaks French or maybe even mentioning Quebec reluctance to enter the war. I don’t know, something. But maybe it will be addressed.

  13. Thumb up 2

    Please log in to vote

    Thank you for recapping Bomb Girls and alerting me to it’s existence. Unfortunately, as I didn’t grow up during the war, I didn’t ration episodes and am now experiencing the hard tug of no-new-Betty-facial-expressions-for-days withdrawals. I don’t know how you survived between seasons Kate.

  14. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Damn you Kate, and damn you bomb girls: I was supposed to be going to sleep at a reasonable hour in order to start big DIY kitchen floor project on day off tomorrow. Instead I watched 9 episodes of Bomb Girls in a row. As in all of them. And now there are no more episodes to watch (until whenever it airs this week), which should be a good thing, because sleep, but isn’t, because no more Bomb Girls to watch right now.
    So yeah.
    And as I always claimed being from Montana made me practically Canadian, especially where hockey loyalties were concerned, the Maple Leafs’ side story made me very happy too:)

  15. Thumb up 0

    Please log in to vote

    Am finally all caught up from the first to the latest episode, and oh wow. New favourite show!

    Going from memory if I had to pick one scene as my favourite of everything so far, it was how Betty stiffened up when Ivan kissed her.

    Can’t wait for the next one…

  16. Thumb up 1

    Please log in to vote

    I’m late to reading this one, but I had to catch up. Mad appreciation for, “I can already boil an egg AKA My sexual techniques have been known to prematurely induce ovulation.” I read this in the office and had to muffle my laughter with my jacket.

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.