You Need This: The RodeOH Harness Will Start a Revolution in Your Bed

This harness is so spectacular that it warranted its very own NSFW post entirely separate from the normal NSFW Sunday Post which will be published later today.

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Autostraddle Anonymous Sex Toy Review #9:

It’s our ninth Autostraddle Anonymous Sex Toy Review! Over the last 2-3 years, we’ve been propositioned frequently by sex toy companies wondering if we’d like to review their toy in exchange for, you know, their toys. In 2011, in addition to “saying yes to the dress” we are saying YES to the sex toys!

This week we have the RodeOH Harness from Babeland.
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RodeOH Harness

+ Size: XS – 3XL
+ Material: Cotton, Sapandex
+ Price: $45

 

Strap-on harnesses, to me, have never really been something I thought to question. I’ve always just accepted their buckly, complicated, twisty, constricting design as some kind of unquestionable reality; I figured that, considering how many lesbians are enthusiastic about engineering, this medieval-torture-device contraption must be the best thing we can come up with for this purpose. Like the eyelash-curler.

But have you ever talked to your mom about periods and been horrified to hear her stories about how back in the day they didn’t have easy-to-use tampon applicators and fancy self-adhering pads, but instead had to strap themselves into weird clunky garter belts made of cheesecloth and bamboo and wear pads the size of diapers that they had to put on in layers and change like 14 times a day, and you’d think about how lucky you are to be alive now instead of then? Well. That might just be what future baby lesbians think when we tell them about how WE used to strap it on.

“Back in my day you had spend 10 minutes in the bathroom with your pants off frantically trying to untangle a dozen leather straps from each other and figure out which buckles attach where, dangling the damn thing upside down like an old kitchen wall phone hoping that it magically twirls its way back to its original form! We had to EARN our sexytimes!”

No more.

I’ve had two harnesses over the course of my life, mainly because those suckers are expensive and I’m not big into shopping. I only got the second one because the first one broke (you can guess how and when), and I replaced it with an exact replica of the first one. It was tried and true – the kind with the two leg holes, side buckles to adjust the waist and d-rings to adjust the legs.

There are other designs, yes, but I don’t like stuff riding up my ass crack and I’m also a creature of habit – I understood it, it understood me, we got there together. I learned how to take it off in such a way as to ensure minimal effort and calculation putting it on again. I learned that it can feel sexy to secretly wear it all night on a date, but that the slightest miscalculation putting it on could mean hours of discomfort later, waiting for an opportunity to re-adjust. I learned to plan ahead. And for the most part, it worked; I’m not mad at my harness, we’ve had really good times together. I’m sure we’ll have more.

So, then my girlfriend whips out this innocuous-looking pair of black and grey underwear with kicky light grey piping and a wide, dykey waistband that reads “rodeOH.” The crotch area has a rubber ring sewn in to hold a dildo. She tells me it’s a strap-on harness. I snort.

It’s always been my assumption, based on the harnesses I’m used to, that dildos need to be anchored to your body like a tornado’s about to blow through. Batten down the hatches! Tie the tarps down and tack up the plywood, things are about to get sexy! So this little boxerbrief-style crotchflap with the ring seemed novel, but probably wasn’t going to cut it.

How wrong I was, friends.

First of all, this shit is COMFORTABLE. Putting it on is no more complicated than putting your underwear on, which is very likely relatively uncomplicated for at least most of you. You could put them on in the morning and wear them all day if you wanted to, sexytimes or no sexytimes.

What I said before about learning to plan ahead? All of the buckling and adjusting and excusing yourself and/or spending hours trying to make sure flyaway leather straps don’t accidentally stick out above the waist of your jeans is over. You can just put them on and go, and if your grand plans don’t eventually come to fruition, you can just slip them off again; no harm, no foul, no regrets, no angry red marks left in your skin.

Mechanically speaking, I was worried that just having a dildo inside the little underwear ring would mean too much slack, but it stayed put like a champ and the tiny bit of extra give was actually more of a benefit than a hindrance. RodeOH says the ideal toy for use with the underwear is about 5-6″ long and 1-1.5″ wide, so if you’re in the mood to break out one of your monster dongs you should probably still reach for your faithful leather harness.

And while the rodeOH harness might not be the first-ever incarnation of this design, it feels like the first time it’s been well-thought-out. Most of the other, similar stuff I’ve seen has had that cheap sex toy store feel to it, and rodeOH is a woman-owned, woman-operated company that seems to have a pretty good idea of what lesbians are looking for: not only does it get the job done, it also looks good, which means you feel good. And you feeling good means everybody feels good.

[If you need a dildo, check out the complete guide to picking out dildos we wrote last year]

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49 Comments

  1. These seem waaaay cheaper than the spareparts harness that my gf and I use and possibly more user friendly. I’d want to check out 1 in person before purchasing though, because I imagine the fit might not be for everyone.

    • I figure I’ll have a massive double-standard about these. If I’m the one wearing them, I’ll be all, “Oh, but they’re cheaper, more user-friendly, and just better overall!”

      If someone tries to bone me wearing a pair of them, it’ll be all, “Where is the harness? Dammit, I am a classy lady, I demand you put on something with leather and silvery shit.”

    • Yes I do! I hope this isn’t TMI but my gf prefers to wears underwear under the harness to make it more comfortable…. I think it’s weird… and annoying, but I think this will solve that problem!

  2. I just read this and ordered a pair immediately. I do not usually make impulse purchases, but I feel very good about this one. I hope autostraddle gets some kickback from the surge in purchases that’s probably occurring right now.

  3. As a single lady who honestly is not even trying to have casual sex these days, I have no need to purchase this. But lordy, this post still made me laugh so hard. I had that exact conversation with my mom about the pads of yesteryear. I was horrified. “You what with what?!” So that comparison seemed apt and hilarious.

    I agree that traditional strap-on harnesses are a little ridiculous and this new one does seem like a good idea for comfort and convenience. But one problem I can think of is that you are basically fucking a girl in your underwear with this. A traditional harness leaves you sort of naked and… accessible, if you catch my drift. It may be a not everytime thing, but a convenient thing.

    Anyway, good write up and review.

  4. I need this!! The traditional harness can be a bit uncomfortable for a girl my size. I have one, but it’s been vanquished to the dark recesses of my “toy box”. This looks so incredibly comfortable and it comes in my size!!!

    • I work at a place that sells these, and the plus sizes are a total lie. The RodeOH runs so small that their XXXL is most people’s L. If you want something very similar, go for the Spareparts Tomboi, which actually does run up to an XXXL, is at least as cute and comfortable, and is sturdy enough to support your biggest dildo (which the RodeOH is not). It runs about $25 more, which makes sense because it is better in every way.

      • They actually do make plus sizes in a few of the styles. I own a 52-55″ pair of the briefs, and they fit great. I wear a women’s size 26 or 28 jeans. You’re right though, this harness can’t support a super heavy dildo. SpareParts Tomboi and Sasha are a little better for that. However – Spareparts hasn’t come out with their 4X and 5X sizes yet. The 3X Tomboi is just a little tighter than the 52-55″ RodeoHs because of the firmer, sturdier waistband.

  5. MAY have to try… Personally I like my medieval strappy device that goes up my bum but the buckles can be pretty painful. And my girlfriend might vastly prefer this option when she’s wearing the gear.

    Also, they are cute, damnit! I like briefs.

  6. My wife and I have been looking to get a harness, but the price and non-vegan materials have been slowing down the process, so this is AMAZING!

    but I’m curious about the whole not really naked part. how do you ladies find it? what if I want to feel her up while she’s wearing it? or vice versa?

  7. I love this! It seems like it would be mor comfortable to wear and like the kinks would be less bondage related. I mean don’t get me wrong bdsm is fine, but sometimes you want to go at it with your girl with less kink and more sweet and sweat.

  8. So, I’m late to this party, but have been using a RodeOH for several months now. It’s great, I love it, my GF loves it, but I’m wondering if anyone else has had the problem of it riding too high– like, on my fucking pelvic bone. This is fine for her, it makes me have more control etc, but there’s certainly something to be said for a cock riding a little bit lower, so I can feel something, too, you know?

    Just wondering if anyone else has encountered this. So far we’re blaming it on the fact that I have an ass and the RodeOH isn’t really built for that.

    • It definitely does ride a little high, which is why I was reallyyyy hesitant about getting one, but I got it for free from work so I can’t complain. If you want more stimulation while wearing the rodeoh, there’s definitely room in the pouch to drop a bullet vibe in there!

  9. I literally just got done trying this out and this is the longest session my partner and I have had in years. And we’ve been together for FIVE. FIVE YEARS OF PAINFUL TORTURE DEVICES. I weep for the younger ignorant me that suffered through wedgies and snaps and buckles to bring romantic or impulsive attempts to fruition.
    YOU HAVE ACCURATELY DESCRIBED SO MANY OF MY FEELINGS. I just read this out loud to my partner and shrieked at so many parts it had them cackling. I just – SO MANY OF THESE FEELS ARE MY FEELS.

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