![](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/upsell-image.png)
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Join AF+!
Join AF+!
Good !
In trying to retrieve said clothing, did you ever notice how it looks way better on them than it ever did on you, making retrieval seem petty ? Sigh.
After ending a pretty bad relationship with a woman who was overseas, I asked her if she wanted back any of the things she had given to me, as sentimentally or practically. Among them was a striped shirt that had been hers and she gave to me. I had only worn it because it was hers. It wasn’t my style at all (her wanting me to present as different from what I actually was was part of the problem with our relationship). She told me no. I asked again and she told me no. I offered to pay her something for all her old crap (I’m working class, she’s wealthy) stuff that she had left me with, she told me no. A few years later, through some really poor decisions on my part, I saw her in person and she mentioned the shirt. I told her I had Goodwilled it. She was so mad! But I gave that to you! It was special! I would have taken it back! Why was I always such a thoughtless and cruel person!
I don’t swap clothes with my partners anymore.
I agree that once someone says they don’t want something, you are free to donate it.
Ugh ! I hate that kind of twisted guilt-trippy controlling behaviour.
Amazing that years later, she should still be trying that schtick with you. I’m super glad you moved on !
I’m guilty of this, as a Medium who has dated only Large or Extra-Large folx. I steal their sweaters like a squirrel preparing for winter because I’m built like a chicken with piss poor circulation and if I can’t have their body heat 24/7 their sweater will have to suffice I guess.