“You can tell that now is a good time for Scout to finish their erotic novel ‘Buffy The Butt Slayer’ just from their astrological sign?”
“What a great city.”
I know this will come as a shock, but I don’t do well with emotional conflict.
“I don’t know how to talk about sadness with no root, much less explain it.”
“Rough night, kid?”
A classic baby gay dilemma.
“Resume looks good. Just be the person from this resume.”
“I can’t be reduced. I’ve come to find resilience sexy.”
Those “gloomy days” we all know about…they come and they go.
“I’m just messing with you. I’m totally gay. All robots are gay.”
“Ivanka Trump claiming to have a punk phase — she is NOT taking punk from us.”
“I’ve never admitted this to anyone but I’m just so scared I’m stranded on a hostile planet full of fake, uncaring people.”
“The thing people tend to gloss over when talking about survival is how hard life can be to get back to once you’ve done the surviving.”
“Do you think marriage is dumb?”
“I didn’t really buy her as an action hero. I’ve never met a girl that badass.”
“How’s the baby growing going?”
Being 27 was an absolute trash storm.
“There’s only ever one of these girls and you’re telling me they never get, like… a friend? Really?”
“They’ve got nothing in common except each other.”
“Despite being a champion in the art of actual survival, I’ve become a wildly imaginative and catastrophic thinker.”