Who Said It: A Character on “Riverdale” or a Shakespearean Character?

The dialogue on Riverdale is the best dialogue on television, and I will fight anyone who tries to say otherwise!!!! If you ever find yourself watching Riverdale and thinking hmm, William Shakespeare WISHES he could craft dramatic dialogue this snappy and poetic, well honey, I’m inclined to agree. Between Cheryl Blossom’s daymares, Jughead’s angsty soliloquies, and all the talk of serpents, blood, chaos, and turmoil, the characters of Riverdale exist in a heightened theatrical realm not unlike the tumultuous worlds of Shakespearean theater.

So, without further ado, can you tell which of these lines were said on Riverdale and which were said in a Shakespeare play? It might be trickier than you think!


Share your scores in the comments. And, just because, also tell me any and all Shakespeare productions you have ever been a part of and any interesting/relevant/gay anecdotes about said experiences.

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 871 articles for us.


  1. Nice work!
    Quiz Grade: E
    Score: 10
    Percentage: 50%

    Honestly I’m not upset considering I’ve only seen like 3 episodes of Riverdale but this was fascinating either way.

    My senior year of high school, instead of doing a spring musical we did a production of Twelfth Night set to classic jazz standards that fit the theme and it was actually pretty awesome. We had the jazz band (that I was in) play instead of an orchestra and it was surprisingly so much fun.

  2. E/9/45%.

    I’ve never watched Riverdale (though it was the name of my real-life high school!), but I do have a bachelor’s in English. I should have done better.

  3. 50%. My pride fell with my fortunes.

    I once took a woman on a second date to Julius Caesar in actual Stratford on Avon. If that’s not getting too serious too quickly, I don’t know what is.

    Also thank you Kayla, and thanks for this whole series Autostraddle team!

  4. Nice work!
    Quiz Grade: C
    Score: 14
    Percentage: 70%

    Honestly, I’ve never taken a quiz that spoke more truly to my soul.

    In high school I was Beatrice in our production of Much Ado About Nothing, and the girl I had been seeing came even after we had ended, because everything is interconnected and shitty in high school.

  5. This is art.

    12/60%. Meh. I made some stupid mistakes! I could have done better. And those questions with multiple answers tripped me up.

    I’m proud that I got right every Cheryl Blossom line though. I guess I’m more focused on Jughead lesbian style than on what he says…

    • Haha SAME. The Cheryl ones I was like “yess, iconic” about, and the Jughead ones I didn’t remember in the least. He’s always going on and on about something in his voiceovers and I’m like fondly rolling my eyes.

  6. Nice work!
    Quiz Grade: E
    Score: 10
    Percentage: 50%

    Nice work? NICE WORK? That was awful. I wish that I could just crawl in a hole.

  7. Like most everyone else. So far…
    Nice work!
    Quiz Grade: E
    Score: 11
    Percentage: 55%

    I credit every right answer to lots of English lit classes.

    In high school, I was a dresser for Richard III. When the curtains closed, we blasted the Rollong Stones singing You Can’t Always Get What You Want. Every time I here that song, I think of that play.

  8. Pretty sure the most dramatic thing that ever happened in Riverdale was when “The Archies” (band) broke up.

  9. I failed miserably but this was great ! I laughed my head off. I was never able to get into Riverdale but I definitely feel like trying it again as a Shakespearian telenovela.

    Thanks Kayla !

  10. Lol this is amazing. I got 45%, which I’m honestly happy about because it just proves what geniuses Rivredale writers/Cheryl Blossom are. I will say, there were at least 3 questions where I was (pretty) sure it was Shakespeare, but I guessed the wrong one of the 2 Shakespeare characters listed. I would feel embarrassed about this, but I’d rather just rewatch Riverdale instead.

  11. Quiz Grade: C
    Score: 14
    Percentage: 70%

    Kayla, you were right, this quiz was much harder than it seemed like it would be. I’m only a few episodes into the first season of Riverdale right now (and absolutely loving it!), but I thought that I knew its voice better than this. And I totally agree with you about the dialogue, it’s the best since Gossip Girl imo. This is why I think Riverdale feels like one of the first real successors to, and a true descendant of, Gossip Girl.

    • This also explains why I love Cheryl Blossom so fucking much – she’s a readheaded bisexual Blair Waldorf, so basically my dream girl.

  12. i knew i was gonna fail but im also prepared to take ten more of these quizzes as i catch up on riverdale this is great!

    Nice work!
    Quiz Grade: E
    Score: 10
    Percentage: 50%

  13. Lol! 60%. I read The Tempest my first year of college and we saw it performed and I had Feelings about the *genderless* Ariel. I got Feelings again when I played episode 2 of Life is Strange: Before the Storm and was Chloe’s Ariel to Rachel’s “Prospera”.

  14. I’m so mad that I got the Orsino question wrong, I had my Big Gay Awakening playing Viola to my crush’s Olivia and then developed an obsession with women disguising themselves as men.

    yeah im super trans.

  15. Quiz Grade: E
    Score: 10
    Percentage: 50%

    Having never watched Riverdale, I’m pretty proud of myself.

  16. I missed one and it was THE EASIEST ONE. This is the most perfect test I have ever taken.

  17. I feel I wouldve done a lot better if I hadnt been asked which specific character said what.
    I played Hamlet in my highschool production. I don’t think I am a great actor, but I actually like shakespeare and have a decent memory, which puts me way ahead from everyone else in my class. I remember having to rewrite the to be or not to be monologue cause it was too long and went over everyone’s head. I was such a jughead,tbh.

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