Excuse ME, Cheryl and Toni should have sang “The Origin Of Love.”

“Are you really so delusional you would believe I would mastermind some elaborate conspiracy that caused the deaths of multiple people just to win a YA book contract?”

Jughead’s fate is finally revealed.

Molly Ringwald playing queer! A QUEER MOM ON RIVERDALE!

Mishel Prada is back as Hermosa and shares a dance with Cheryl and Toni.

Also: A Katy Keene crossover!

I wish the relationship writing for Cheryl and Toni had an equal depth and dimension to it, but nay. They sort of just exist together these days.

A look at two shows that confront the crushing pressure of high school athletics in divergent but visceral ways.

Betty gets an incredible horror storyline, but it doesn’t have enough time to breathe.

Gina Torres arrives to fix everyone’s lives.

Extreme highs and lows come with the first-love territory, and the softer moment that Toni and Cheryl spend on the couch is quite sweet. I’m often questioning why these two are together, and I think the real answer is less romantic and more troubling. Toni is a caretaker to Cheryl, and Cheryl is desperate to be loved by just about anyone.

Yes, Cheryl Blossom is the most interesting character right now AND NOT JUST BECAUSE SHE’S GAY (but that helps).

Last night’s Cheryl and Toni-less episode, while not all bad, was a bit blah and had very little of the content that I know you all come here to read about (gay stuff). So instead, let’s play a game of Top, Bottom, or Switch, shall we?

It’s Halloween in Riverdale — let’s have a freakin seance!!!! With a cursed puppet!!!!

The show has all the subtlety of a freak show. It’s horror-camp. It’s musical theater. And I absolutely mean all of those things as compliments.

The failures of family, the joys of friendship, and a nonsensical but incredible musical number—just another day in Riverdale!