This piece contains spoilers for Riverdale… obviously.
On March 12, 2020, my second day in quarantine, I tweeted: Fuck it I’m starting Glee. Over the next two months, I watched six seasons of that delightful and horrifying show as I struggled through those early days of Covid.
Well, it’s time I start another long-running teen show. But a lot has changed since March 2020. For one, Twitter is pretty much dead. That’s why I’m going to try something new as I make my way through Greg Berlanti’s spin on the Archie comics. I’m going to be posting thoughts, jokes, and screenshots in this article. My very own Riverdale-specific Twitter.
Something else has changed since March 2020: I have a full time job and an IRL social life. That’s why I’m giving myself until the end of 2024. That feels like a reasonable amount of time to make it through seven seasons and 137 episodes.
I started with season one but now I’m just updating this piece whenever I watch. Hop into the jalopy! It’s gonna be a fun ride!
April 10th Update: I have now finished season two! It took me way longer than I expected, but like Betty solving a mystery, Archie protecting his dad, or Jughead trying to reference as many movies as possible, I shall never give up!
Okay so everything I know about Riverdale I gleaned from Riverdale superfan and Autostraddle managing editor Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya plus a brief love of the Archie comics as a child.
- Archie is a redhead, Jughead has a hat, Betty is blonde, and Veronica is brunette.
- I think Archie and Jughead can never decide whether they’re more into Betty or Veronica.
- Archie drives a jalopy.
- Betty is bisexual. (But also maybe every character is bisexual?)
- Josie and the Pussycats
- Charles Melton doesn’t show up until season two.
- The show has multiple timelines maybe in a multiverse sort of way?
- At some point, there is magic and various fantasy elements.
- At some point, Archie goes to prison.
- During the final season, Archie, Jughead, Betty, and Veronica form a polycule.
And with that… let’s start episode 1.
I just shouted MILLENNIAL?? Definitely assumed this was going to take place in the 50’s.
Every year in my shitty suburb, I waited for a hot new person to show up and it never happened. Imagine CAMILA MENDES walks into your little diner. I get it Arch.
![Veronica: Are you familiar with the works of Truman Capote?](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-27-at-5.05.02-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
This is also how I made friends in high school.
![Betty: Mom, I'm not Polly.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-27-at-5.07.29-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Just you wait, Betty. I hear by season seven you’re DEFINITELY poly.
![Betty and Veronica kiss](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-27-at-5.24.34-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
If this is already happening in the pilot…
Oh okay Camila Mendes is going to be a problem for me. (The good kind.) Now I understand why you all liked that terrible Netflix movie with her.
I AM HOOKED !
![Edited Riverdale screenshot of Jughead.-What are you working on? -Watching Riverdale for work.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/IMG_0537.jpg?w=1179&resize=1179%2C666)
Conversation I just had with my girlfriend.
This observation is going to be for like six people but Cole Sprous’ narrator voice has the exact same cadence as the narrator of Magnolia.
![The teacher from Riverdale. CC: I could lose my job. You could be expelled. We could go to jail.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-28-at-10.06.17-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Bitch, who is “we”???
POOR BETTY !! A boy with an acoustic guitar is so dangerous for a girl that age.
![Cheryl, the sheriff, and the principal. Principal: So let me state clearly, it is happening as scheduled.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-28-at-10.11.55-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C674)
Me ignoring more important work to watch Riverdale.
Are Betty and Cheryl gonna kiss?
No okay not today.
![Hermione Lodge: I'm going for this Joan Crawford, Mildred Pierce thing. Is it working?](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-28-at-10.27.04-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C674)
It really is. (googles Hermione Lodge actress)
I am loving this Betty/Jughead investigative journalism angle.
![Close up of Chuck. Chuck: You are different than what I thought you'd be.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-28-at-4.52.23-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C674)
Me finding out Riverdale is a murder mystery set in the present and not a regular teen soap set in the 50’s.
Cheryl might be my favorite character so far.
Wow Riverdale doing a Me Too storyline before Weinstein. Good for them even if it does involve something called a “Sticky Maple.”
![Betty in a black bob wig and a bra.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-28-at-5.26.08-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Yes, let’s.
![The sheriff separates Alice and Cheryl's mom.-Whoa, whoa, who. All right. -How dare you, Alice Cooper!](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-28-at-5.32.26-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Her name is Alice Cooper???
The Josie and the Pussycats facing racism in Riverdale storyline at the start of the episode just a tad undermined by the deeply uncomfortable racial politics of the revenge plot storyline at the end !!
I’m sorry but Jughead would not call Tarantino “the godfather of indie cinema.” I don’t think he’s supposed to be cool, but he’s cooler than THAT.
![A close up on Lili Reinhart](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-29-at-3.22.12-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Kayla was always talking about how good Lili Reinhart is on this show and she was right !!
![Sheriff: I mean, is there not a nice gay kid at your school?](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-29-at-3.32.34-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
There are definitely some mean bisexuals.
Well… choices are certainly being made with this Ms. Grundy storyline.
![An overhead shot of Archie and Val practicing guitar](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-29-at-4.21.22-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Val is barely a real character so far but I like these two together!
Polly is suicidal? That’s the big secret? In my hometown, that was called being a teenager!
![Cheryl and Veronica sit on Cheryl's bed. Veronica: Why did you invite me tonight?](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-29-at-4.36.39-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
“I thought we could start with over the clothes stuff and go from there.”
![Hermione sit's in the empty diner with Archie's dad. Veronica: I didn't call the police because I don't trust them.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-29-at-4.38.51-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C674)
I knew I liked her.
If I was Hermione Lodge, I’d be so annoyed that my daughter is seemingly around every corner when I’m just trying to hookup/make shady money deals.
![Polly in the garden of the institution.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-30-at-3.53.55-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Slightly disappointed Polly isn’t also played by Lili Reinhart but with like a fake nose or something.
![A close up of Val looking at Archie](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-30-at-4.11.04-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Kiss!
![Betty and Jughead stand in Betty's room](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-30-at-4.11.59-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
KISS !!
![Betty and Jughead kiss](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-30-at-4.13.46-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Hooray!
![Archie and Val kiss](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2023-12-30-at-4.23.00-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C674)
HOORAY !!
I’m trying not to comment upon every film reference (or every exciting guest star) but this next episode is called “In a Lonely Place” and I do need to say that Nicholas Ray’s In a Lonely Place is one of the best movies of all time.
![Betty and Veronica look at Kevin in surprise as he reads #Nowheretohide #Sharpenyourpitchforks](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-01-at-12.27.22-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Cis white lesbians on the internet when I give one of their movies a bad review.
![Kevin and Veronica walk through the woodsKevin: So how's the cold war at home?](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-01-at-12.31.30-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
The Americans (2013-2018)
![Archie, Jughead, Kevin, and Moose stand holding or wearing construction hats.Archie: We can work after practice and on weekends.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-01-at-6.47.45-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Child labor but make it sweet.
Everyone is being so chill about Polly going from missing to having a baby shower.
![Betty talks to Jughead at the baby shower. Betty: I know this isn't exactly your scene.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-01-at-6.57.55-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Cis queer femme to her trans boyfriend on Ladies’ Night at the gay bar
![Edited screenshot from Riverdale of Veronica pouring syrup. CC: We consume Ontario syrup by the bucket.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/IMG_0609.jpg?w=1179&resize=1200%2C675)
My Canadian girlfriend
Veronica has such Emma Woodhouse/Cher Horowitz energy.
![Close up of Cheryl. Cheryl: You're looking extremely DILF-y today.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-02-at-8.14.03-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Never change, Cheryl.
![Cheryl kisses Archie in the snow](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-02-at-8.31.30-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Noooo Cheryl don’t kiss the guy you keep saying looks like your dead brother you’re so sexy aha
![Close up on Kevin. Kevin: Oh my God, don't turn around.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-03-at-8.19.55-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Hades to Orpheus
![Veronica and Cheryl dance side by side](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-03-at-8.27.54-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Yes, I am deeply invested in Veronica and Cheryl dance battle who killed Jason Blossom.
![Jughead sits in a chair. Jughead: In the middle of a Seth Rogen movie.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-03-at-8.41.18-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Pretty snobbish for someone who brought his girlfriend to a John Landis double feature.
![Close up on Jughead. Jughead: In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-03-at-8.45.40-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
The context of this is actually really sad !!
![Veronica kisses Archie](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-03-at-8.57.09-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C674)
The best slow burns involve multiple makeouts before the couple actually gets together.
![Molly Ringwald smiling](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Screen-Shot-2024-01-03-at-9.02.49-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
I somehow managed to avoid any guest star spoilers which has made this very delightful !
Now THAT is how you do an episode of television.
![Cheryl's mom holding a milkshake. CC: Your daily milkshake.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-3.18.24-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Pretty sure this will be poisoned but I want a daily milkshake !!
Do we think it was always the plan for Cheryl’s dad to have a creepy red wig collection or was that in response to people online asking why he was wearing such a bad wig?
Unfortunately, I understand Archie because as a youth I also fell in love with every girl except the one who fell in love with me.
![Archie's mom and Betty's mom apply lipstick in the mirror. CC: I didn't realize you were a polyamorist.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-3.38.36-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Mädchen Amick, I love you.
![Close up on Betty looking upset and confused. CC: Everybody live for the music-go-round](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-3.43.53-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
“Is this fucking play about us?”
Betty and Cheryl are related?? I’m so glad they didn’t make out!
WAIT
Oh no… Polly. Oh God.
Why didn’t Betty’s dad say that was why Polly and Jason couldn’t date?? He knew, right??
![The Blossom parents. CC: They were, what, third cousins.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-4.36.28-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
A lot more incest conversation on this show than I’d expected.
![Close up on Kevin. Kevin: I'm talk to you as the sheriff's son.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-4.40.44-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Loser narc
![Archie, Jughead, Betty, Veronica, Kevin look at a computer in horror](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-4.55.32-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Me watching the last ten minutes of this episode.
![Alice types at a computer. Alice: That Jason Blossom learned about dear old Dad drug running.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-6.41.20-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Alice is such a bad journalist maybe she should’ve just kept writing for the high school paper.
Accurate representation of the legal system that the mayor and sheriff are busy worrying about smalltime drug dealers after discovering the kingpin killed his own son and then himself.
![Kevin talks at the lunch table. Kevin: My dad says more and more drugs are hitting the streets.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-6.53.11-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
NARC
Not to sound surprised, but this episode is actually really sharp about moral panics around crime and how our society reacts to violence??
And now the show is taking on the broken foster system? Who knew Riverdale was political!
![Archie talks to Betty. Archie: It's just a little part of me always thought--](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-7.13.49-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Stop it, Archibald.
I need these girls to stop calling their actually fathers daddy.
Sorry but Betty going full righteous journalist is making her very hot to me.
![Archie carries Cheryl through the snow with Betty, Jughead, and Veronica running beside him](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-7.39.57-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
This was so intense !!
![Betty gives a speech. Betty: If we don't face the reality of who and what we are...](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-8.01.28-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Oh my God Clifford Blossom’s red hair. This is a show about Trump!
Wow okay I don’t know how it took me so long to realize this but Riverdale premiered in 2017 which makes it a total Trump era show. I’ll wait until I watch more seasons to say anything declarative but Glee was the quintessential Obama era teen show premiering in 2009 and it makes total sense Riverdale would be the quintessential Trump era teen show premiering in 2017.
![Archie craddles his dad in his arms after he's been shot.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-04-at-8.12.20-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Nooooooooo!! Not Fred!!
![Edited Riverdale screenshot. Archie and Veronica walk outside. CC: I want him so bad, I am like, "Yes, Riverdale, I'm ready. I'm so ready."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/IMG_1081.jpg?w=1179&resize=1200%2C666)
Me waiting for Charles Melton to show up now that I’m on season two.
![Veronica naked looks at Archie in the shower. Veronica: Thought you might want some company.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-15-at-11.17.35-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
This is also what I want if my dad ever gets shot FYI.
![Reggie talks to Archie. Reggie: Bulldogs are here for you.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-15-at-11.28.55-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
CHARLES !!!
Cheryl’s monologue to her mom… this episode really walking that line between violent and horny.
Not the return of Ms. Grundy !
NOT THE DEATH OF MS. GRUNDY !!!
![Close up on Jughead. CC: I can't take on any more social issues right now.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-16-at-7.42.36-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
This show keeps hitting new levels of Trump era.
![Midge Klump leans against a locker. CC: The Klumpster](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-16-at-7.48.42-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
The who??
The repeated trauma faced by Archie and the kids of Riverdale is meant to represent the trauma of today’s youth amidst political violence and mass shootings. In this essay I will…
![Cheryl and Betty face off by a locker. Betty: Fun girl talk.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-16-at-8.09.53-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
I mean, it’s not like the ACTORS are related…
Is the Josie and the Pussycats cover of “Milkshake” on Spotify?
It is!
![Alice sits in a booth at Pop's and takes a photo on her phone](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-16-at-8.30.51-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Me taking pictures of my computer screen whenever Charles Melton shows up like I’m at a concert.
![Betty talks to Kevin. "Why can't you just use Grind'em like every other gay guy in the world?"](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-29-at-4.09.56-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Betty Cooper, ally
![A girl with dyed hair holds a camera and talks to Jughead. "Forsythe Pendleton Jones the Thurd"](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-29-at-4.12.20-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
WHO IS THIS??
![A girl with dyed hair holds a camera and talks to Jughead. "I'm Toni Topaz"](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-29-at-4.12.46-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Thank you.
![Veronica listens to her mom. Edited CC: No need to be so thirsty, Drew.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/IMG_1227.jpg?w=1179&resize=1200%2C674)
My friends as I run around shouting, “TONI TOPAZ! TONI TOPAZ! TONI TOPAZ!”
Riverdale is turning into Zodiac, meanwhile Archie thinks he’s in The Avengers and Veronica thinks she’s in Gilmore Girls.
Betty is anti-cruising so actually NOT ally.
![Archie stands with his hands on his hips, shirtless boys behind him in pink balaclavas](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-29-at-5.21.43-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C674)
Magic Mike: Pussy Riot
Red ski masks? Those look pink to me.
Do we think maybe instead of punishing the teenage boy whose dad was shot, immediately followed by the woman who sexually assaulted him getting strangled, an adult in this town could get him some therapy?
![Betty sits at a desk. "He says he's doing it for me."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-30-at-5.54.24-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Couldn’t he just shoot Ronald Reagan like a normal person??
![Toni talks to Jughead. "I'm a true crime junkie."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-30-at-6.01.07-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Crush lessening slightly…
Alice Cooper remains the scariest character.
Officially, I think the Serpent/Bulldog conflict is misguided, but sorry I do think this fight in the rain is cool.
![Veronica dabs at Archie's wounded stomach.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-01-30-at-6.23.57-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Hot girl nursing wounds is the best trope!
![Betty is on the phone. CC: This is the Black Hood speaking.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-02-06-at-2.53.32-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
“What’s your favorite scary movie?”
I’m sorry but I can’t take this kid seriously as a threat with the name Sweet Pea.
![Jughead sits at his table. CC: Someone needs to step up.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-02-06-at-3.07.11-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Jughead isn’t a step serpent, he’s the serpent who stepped up.
Not me getting teary over Bughead…
Is Jingle Jangle molly in a pixie stick tube?
![Alice Cooper walks down a red carpet in a revealing dress and a snake necklace as two women construction workers look on.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-02-06-at-3.27.08-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
That hot construction worker is definitely feeling the thunder.
Okay for a second I thought Betty was actually the Black Hood. She isn’t, right?
![Close up on Toni. Toni: I'm more into girls anyways.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-02-22-at-9.48.19-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Dreams do come true !!
Very impressive how seriously these actors say words like Ghoulies.
![Cheryl stands between a street race. Cheryl: Engines warm and ready](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-02-22-at-10.18.07-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
A Fast & Furious remake with Madelaine Petsch as Brian and Camila Mendes as Dom.
This episode is called “Death Proof” but it should’ve been called “Searching for Sugarman.”
![Close up of Betty looking through window shades. Betty: I'm breathing down your neck.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-02-22-at-10.25.07-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Emmy for Lili Reinhart
![Betty and Jughead lie in bed. Betty: ...did the Black Hood even get in the Sheriff's Station.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-02-23-at-8.09.18-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
The Black Hood is a cop! The Black Hood is a cop! Of course he is.
Ahhh Tony Todd guest star!
I appreciate this Chuck Clayton redemption arc.
![A drawing of Cheryl and Josie](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-02-23-at-8.36.50-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Oh Cheryl…
![Cheryl talks to Josie in the locker room. Josie: What? Cheryl: All these tension knots.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-11-at-9.26.04-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Bold of Riverdale to make its closeted lesbian into a little perv (I love it)
These kids love to accuse people of murder!
![Betty looks at herself in the mirror.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-11-at-10.32.43-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Save us Bad Betty, you’re our only hope.
![Archie and Veronica sing Mad World in orange lighting](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-11-at-10.38.17-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
There’s nothing I love more than an emotional karaoke scene.
![Betty does a pole dance to Mad World.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-11-at-10.39.31-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Okay, almost nothing.
![During a dream sequence, the Black Hood climbs over the couch.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-12-at-7.49.24-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Twin Peaks reference!
The show has been giving Cheryl nothing to do lately, but Madelaine Petsch is A-C-T-I-N-G. Every line delivery is perfect.
I should probs look into why I wasn’t into Archie and Betty together until after they’d dated each other’s best friends.
![A close up of a first edition of Beloved with a note that reads: A signed first edition for my beloved. Thanks for introducing me to your favorite.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-12-at-8.31.55-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
My guess is Jughead has not actually read Beloved !!
I don’t care how contrived it is to shut down Southside High, bringing Jughead and Toni to Riverdale High is NECESSARY.
![A medium close of Archie. Archie: I need some assurance from you](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-19-at-5.12.55-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
No Archie don’t talk to the feds you’re so sexy aha
“40 minutes later, the Black Hood was burying me alive,” is actually such a good excuse for kissing your girlfriend’s bestie. Does not excuse selling her family out to the feds though!!
Riverdale loves to do something good politically — explore the whitewashing of genocidal history — in the same episodes they do something bad politically — frame Betty’s brother as a scary villain because he’s a sex worker.
![Hiram has Archie in a chokehold. Hiram: I always win.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-26-at-10.53.16-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
I just don’t think anyone should be this close — positively or negatively — to their girlfriend’s dad.
This episode was directed by Gregg Araki???
Hmm okay maybe Betty’s brother isn’t going to be a villain. Still feel a tad weird about how that’s made to be a twist? But I guess meet people where they’re at.
![A medium close of Veronica Lodge smiling in her confirmation dress.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-26-at-5.00.26-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Not sure it’s worth dealing with her family, but she sure is pretty!!
![Veronica sits next to her mom. Veronica: Do you know "Bitter Sweet Symphony?"](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-26-at-5.09.56-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Cruel Intentions soundtrack at a confirmation?? This is going to be goooood.
Look, class is a factor for Jughead, but it’s just a liiiittle weird to watch a Sprouse twin yell at a Black woman that she’s failing at being an ally.
This FBI agent can’t possibly be in the FBI, right? Not even the FBI would have a teenager wear a wire to a gangster poker game.
![One of the gangsters. "I ordered poutine! This is vomit!"](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-26-at-5.25.33-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Incredible show.
![Close up on Veronica. Veronica: At Spence, I was Secretary General of the Model UN](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-27-at-6.49.16-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Regular gangster’s daughter stuff.
Jughead has a shocking amount of face-to-face time with the town’s mayor.
None of the Riverdale kids are having fun but Betty is always REALLY going through it.
![A close up on Hermione Lodge. Hermione: It's time for Operation Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-27-at-7.06.26-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Operation what now??
![A car sinking into the water. CC: [Jughead grunting] Norman Bates made it look so easy.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-27-at-7.14.22-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Me when I get misgendered
![Close up of Hermione. "And you passed."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-03-27-at-7.26.43-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Me when I get correctly gendered
![Kevin talks to Moose in the hall. "Love, Simon, playing at the Bijou this weekend."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-6.11.44-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Obsessed with this RuPaul level cross-promotion from Greg Berlanti
Chic going full creep and Cheryl’s mom taking clients in front of her daughter… yeah this show is super weird about sex work! And by super weird I mean extremely mainstream and predictable in its stigmatizing.
![Toni puts a hand on Cheryl in the bathroom. CC: [shouts]Get your Sapphic, serpent hands off my body!](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-6.18.05-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Toni could put her sapphic serpent hands on my body any time.
![Betty sits next to Jughead in a hot tub and licks the rim of a margarita glass. CC: Okay, so,](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-6.24.23-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Okay, so, Lili Reinhart licking the rim of the margarita glass really did something for me even if this picture can’t capture it
![Jughead and Veronica kiss](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-6.26.00-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Not this fan-fiction ass plot !!
Ummm I don’t think burglary warrants an assassination in the woods, but maybe I’m weird !!
![Kevin sits in a diner booth. "I'm just going to this gay rom-com alone."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-6.38.19-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
When someone asks what I’m doing this weekend.
Wow so Cheryl comes out because of Love, Simon. Powerful cross-promotion indeed! (I am thrilled about Cheryl and Toni.)
Why is Betty’s dad asking for a divorce in front of Betty ?? The parents of Riverdale are so bad.
![Close up on Claudius Blossom. CC: [Nana Rose] Oh!](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-9.51.37-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
I’m with you Nana Rose !
It will be really funny if Chic isn’t scheming, he’s just naturally off-putting.
![Close up on Hiram. A private, for-profit prison.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-10.18.42-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Evil !!!!!
Noooo Archie don’t buy into the lie that prisons keep people safer ur so sexy aha
![Andy Cohen stands next to Hermione Lodge. "Bravo's very own Andy Cohen."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-10.13.45-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Riverdale universe Andy Cohen supports private prisons?? Why would THIS be his cameo??
The Lodges opening a private prison feels a little like Gen Q making Dani’s family the Sacklers. Like I get the vibe they don’t realize just how unforgivably evil they’re making these characters?
![Veronica covered in milkshake. CC: [all gasping]](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-10.17.03-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Okay Glee
![A row of Toni, Cheryl, Betty, Veronica, and Josie brushing each other's hair](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-10.24.49-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Is this what cis girls do at sleepovers?
Well, sending Cheryl to a 1950s via Ryan Murphy style asylum conversion therapy is… a choice.
Is H. Jon Benjamin the narrator of this conversion therapy film??
![A blonde woman talks to Betty. CC: Hey! Straight to the bank and right back, blondie](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-11.34.42-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Do blonde people call other blonde people blondie?
![Close up on Toni. CC: Wait Kevin can you lead us to this secret gay hook up tunnel?](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-11.39.15-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Every town has one.
![Toni in a see through top with a visible bra](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-11.46.18-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Why is Toni dressed so sexy for a conversion therapy heist?
![Toni and Cheryl kiss backlit](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-08-at-11.46.31-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Oh that’s why
MUSICAL EPISODE !!!!!!!!
![Cheryl sings on stage as Carrie White "But someday"](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-8.53.53-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Oh I am IN
![Veronica and Betty hold hands during a musical number](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-9.24.23-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
When will Veronica disown her parents and kiss Betty again?
![Close up of Cheryl talking to Kevin "I will not succumb to thespian terrorism."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-9.27.09-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Working with Jared Leto is like
Not the Klumpster !!
Okay, to be fair to Archie, I do think abolition would be a tougher sell to a kid who has a new serial killer on the loose in his small town every few months.
![The Lodges sit on a couch. "I'm not cowing down to a teen terrorist like Nick St. Clair."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-1.18.47-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Riverdale has so many types of terrorists!
Mädchen Amick and Skeet Ulrich are ACTING.
![Close up on Betty. "I think he used to live next to you in Room 237."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-2.00.21-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
All work and no play makes Betty put on her wig.
I think Betty should put her phone on vibrate until this serial killer stops calling her.
![Nick and Veronica dance. Nick: What's it called again? Veronica: Diabolique](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-3.10.13-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Another movie reference, this one hinting that Veronica is going to turn the tables on Nick.
For years, I wanted the erotic thriller back. Who knew it was happening over on the CW in Riverdale?
![A close up on Reggie. "We just gotta figure out which one."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-4.46.39-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Me looking at Charles Melton’s upcoming movies wondering what could make up for his Oscar snub.
When do these kids have time to study??
![Veronica takes off her coat revealing cleavage.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-5.16.44-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Now that she’s turned on her dad, I can once again be turned on by her!
The Black Hood attacking Cheryl shot just like The Shining. This show really is made by a bunch of nerds.
![Cheryl in a red hood holds up a bow and arrow. "I only miss when I mean to."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-5.25.33-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
I’m obsessed.
Oh my God. Does every season of Riverdale end with someone learning their dad is a killer?
The fans must’ve been pissed about this dead Jughead fake out.
![A close up of Betty crying. "I'm supposed to be this...](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-7.09.59-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Teenager!! You’re supposed to be a teenager!! (She says “great detective.”)
I’m a Betty sun, Jughead moon… Veronica rising?
![Close up on Cheryl. "It looked like collusion to me."](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-7.16.21-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Once again reminded Riverdale is THE Trump era teen show.
![Cheryl and Toni watch Archie get arrested. [mouths] What?](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Screen-Shot-2024-04-09-at-7.50.09-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Don’t worry, Cheryl, it’s just an end of season cliffhanger that will be resolved in 1-3 episodes.
![Jughead types on his laptop at a booth in Pop's. CC: The summer before junior year in high school](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Screen-Shot-2024-06-02-at-7.22.38-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
I had my first kiss, left the country for the first time, had my heart broken… overall eventful summer.
Wait, I just remembered at some point Archie goes to prison. So that will probably happen now??
![Cheryl walks into Pops in a red bikini top, red leather jacket, and jean shorts](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Screen-Shot-2024-06-02-at-7.42.13-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Oh lesbianism looks GOOD on Cheryl.
![Charles Melton throws a football. CC: I'm already captain, Bro.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Screen-Shot-2024-06-02-at-7.53.34-PM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Captain of my heart!
Not the Gargoyle King!
Plea deals are bad.
I mean, prisons shouldn’t exist at all. But plea deals are extra bad.
DID THOSE BABIES JUST FLY??
![Archie and Mad Dog sit on opposite sides of a prison cell.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Screen-Shot-2024-07-18-at-7.44.07-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
This is like The CW does Jean Genet.
![Archie looks up with a smile as he plays football in prison.](https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Screen-Shot-2024-07-18-at-8.00.10-AM.png?w=1200&resize=1200%2C675)
Sorry, no, this is The CW does The Longest Yard.
“Me finding out Riverdale is a murder mystery set in the present and not a regular teen soap set in the 50’s.” askdaksjdjks
“Kayla was always talking about how good Lili Reinhart is on this show and she was right !!”
THANK YOU
also realizing i should probably do one mega comment instead of multiple but la la la
I saw your initial 3 comments this afternoon, and when I pulled up Autostraddle this evening I saw this post was up to 13 comments and thought to myself “what are the chances all these are Kayla??” (Which I would have loved, tbh)
“Slightly disappointed Polly isn’t also played by Lili Reinhart but with like a fake nose or something.”
THIS is why Hollywood needs to be paying you the big bucks
It would’ve been so good !!
Okay this is it I have resisted it as the perfect show to knit to for SO long and this has tipped me over the edge…I will be watching Riverdale. My OG goal to watch all of Roger Eberts faves can just run in parallel.
Also this all of this was great but this made me cackle out loud on the bus and is so true, “ ! A boy with an acoustic guitar is so dangerous for a girl that age.”
WELCOME!!!
Yessss join me!
I was wondering why Riverdale pilot photos were popping up in the media gallery and I am DELIGHTED to discover that this is the answer. My favorite way to consume Riverdale is through other people, especially the later seasons that I didn’t watch, so I’m excited for this!!!!
LOL SAME Valerie I was like praytell what Riverdale post is in the works??? every time I entered the media library. (Also obviously same re: excitement)
Lmao Kayla did text me like I SEE RIVERDALE PICTURES IN WORDPRESS
As can be seen in the pictures, the most important reason why I never watched this series is the unstable relationships of the characters.
Even a character who is apparently a lesbian has several relationships with men.
For me, who loves pure love (true love) stories, this amount of drama is unbearable.
I’m not sure what you mean by “pure love”, could you explain?
This is perfect for me, someone who has purposefully never watched Riverdale and only seen wild GIFs of it. Now I can learn what’s actually going on without watching it!
That Netflix movie was one of the worst things I’ve ever seen but YES Camila Mendes. Love of my life. And maybe it’s just the lesbianism talking but I legit think she’s a great actor! Oscar for her next!
So ready for this journey – might be the thing that finally gets me to watch the later seasons
“Just you wait, Betty. I hear by season seven you’re DEFINITELY poly.”
Oh, yes. Now there’re the good puns I live for.
Yes. Love bonus riverdale coverage now the show is over. Me and my girlfriend still reference the show at least once a week and I am constantly trying to get people to watch it and also admit that it is actually very good. Very excited to see what you think of the later seasons (I am of the opinion that the weirder and wilder it gets the better but that is not what lots of people think)
It’s def what I think!! 🙏🏽
Yesssss this is why I loved your recaps and other websites made me mad
I also caved and started to watch Riverdale last fall and finished it right before new year.
It was a struggle sometimes and Cheryl Marjorie Blossom was the only thing that kept me going.
Yes.The first” The Americans” reference i see on autostraddle.
Not surprising,since the show was so overwhelmigly heterosexual.But sooo great nonetheless.
I looove this show ,that show and Buffy i rewatch many times.
To me Keri Russell as Elizabeth Jennings some of the most complex and kick ass cis-female characters( in the true sense of the word)and Buffy too.
and i like the fact the male lead character is in “the americans” more like many female characters In otherTV shows are.more doubting,etc.
Drew, What are your thoughts about that show in general and in Liz Jennings in particular?
PS i so hoped they would have a intimate RL to a same sex source but they choose to be 100% straight.
Omg I had the same thought Hahaha. Elizabeth Jennings female character of all time for being emotionally repressed in a way only male characters are allowed to be
Ps. Same! They would both have gone gay for mother russia and I for one would have liked to see it
PERFECT COMMENTARY AS ALWAYS!
I always saw Betty’s anti-cruising talk to be more about “don’t go out into the woods to meet strange men when so many murderers are loose” but I get that mileage may vary.
Thrilled you loved the rain fight as much as I did AND that you got that the “Mad World” scene is Good Actually because it is.
And yes, Barchie actually only gets better the longer they date other people and fall into other roles on the show.
Incredible article, me and my wife (diehard riverdale fans) have not been able to shut up about our fave autrostraddle writer reviewing the best television show of all time. Can’t wait for your thoughts on season 3, Incredibly correct takes so far! I have about 40 tumblr posts I wish I could send you