Welcome to “Wait, Is This A Date” the podcast about queer dating you never knew you always needed, hosted by me, Christina, and Drew Gregory!
This podcast was born out of Drew and I’s mutual love of voice memos and deep discussions about dating. We’ve been sending each other voice memos for just over a year now, going deep on the things Drew loves about dating (people! fun! flirting!) and the things I hate about dating (People! Fun! Flirting!). We were having a lot of fun, thoughtful, and insightful conversations and frankly, it seemed rude to deprive the greater public of them!
Think of us as your friendly neighborhood co-hosts, guiding you through super specific queer dating conundrums because honestly, straight dating podcasts could never. Conundrums like: How do you flirt via IG stories? How do you take long, drawn out flirting to the next level? What does it mean to believe people are into you? We’ll chat with some of Autostraddle’s finest writers, play some super specific games, report on our pop culture crushes of the moment and of course, try to answer the eternal question of our times: Wait…is this a date???
Listen to the teaser below and whet your appetite, and then smash that “subscribe” button wherever fine podcasts are distributed, thus guaranteeing you a delightful August 11th, when the first official episode drops!
Drew: Hi, I’m Drew.
Christina: And I’m Christina. And this is Wait, Is This a Date? An Autostraddle podcast that is dedicated to the question, “Wait, is this a date?”
Drew: I’m so excited to find out.
Theme song plays
Christina: Yeah. I think we’ve been on a journey to find out what are dates and what are not dates, as friends, and also as a people, I think.
Drew: Yeah. As a people. Meaning, the queers, the lesbians.
Christina: Should we tell those queers and lesbians what our whole indealment is, like what we’re up to in this moment?
Drew: Like who we are?
Drew: Yeah. I can go first. My name is Drew Gregory. I’m a filmmaker and a writer for autostraddle.com, the website. I do a lot of film and TV criticism, and sex and dating writing, and personal essays, and things that combine all of those things. I’m trans and I am a lesbian, and I feel like I should add a third thing because things are in threes. What else? What else?
Christina: Things do go on threes. You have great hair.
Drew: Oh, thank you.
Christina: You have incredible hair, I think that’s really important.
Drew: Those are my identities. Trans. Lesbian. Great hair.
Christina: Those are your identities.
Christina: I’ve always said that you are a woman of hair experience. I’ve always said that about you.
Drew: Yeah. It’s really important.
Christina: Yeah. I am Christina Tucker. I am also a writer at Autostraddle, if you can believe it, who writes about… oh, let’s just say whatever comes to mind. That’s really the vibe. Also a lesbian. I’m Black. I don’t know who else I am.
Drew: You also have great hair.
Christina: Oh yeah, no, I mean, I think this is maybe a podcast of hair experience. Maybe that should be our tagline, “a podcast of hair experience.” I guess the people are probably wondering how we got to this podcast specifically.
Drew: Yes. And like every great thing in life — and by that I mean, very, very few — it started as a highdea, as a thing that I sent you in a voice memo, high. And going back further than that, we started sending voice memos to each other at the start of the pandemic.
Drew, in a voice memo: Okay. I’m just going to tell you like the feelings that I have, and then you can go from there and respond to me, not respond to me, whatever. I’m just like, this is me being direct and clear. Okay. I am someone who… I love talking about dating. It’s one of my main topics of conversation. I have now said my piece.
Christina, in a voice memo: Thank you for saying your piece. Also, six minutes and 54 seconds. Honestly, rather impressive for you to get that out in that amount of time. I never really think about dating. I think, perhaps, an opposite sense of you and your love to think about dating and talk about dating and, like, be dating. I think those are my thoughts. Well, I’m sending a Drew-level voice memo, a Drew-length voice memo now. I’m going to send this.
Drew, in a voice memo: Yeah. I know that you do not think about dating, certainly not as much as me, maybe less than anyone else I know?
Christina, in a voice memo: I think about dating less than almost anybody I also know. I don’t know. I honestly don’t know if I’ve met anybody who doesn’t think about dating as much as I do or as much as I don’t, I guess.
Drew: We didn’t really know each other. We were colleagues at Autostraddle, but for those of you who don’t know, Autostraddle is a virtual office space. It’s more of a Slack situation than a, we all show up to like lesbian headquarters together with briefcases. That’s not really the vibe. We didn’t really know each other. And then, the start of pandemic, there was some DM sliding and some friendship building and some voice memoing. And we would always joke that it was like we had a podcast because we would send these long voice memos. And then when I was stoned, I was like, “We actually should.” And here we are.
Christina: Yeah. I understand what you mean by high ideas not always being the best ideas, but I do have a very clear recollection of hearing you say that and being like, “Yeah, of course we should have a podcast. We are performing for each other. Why not invite other people into it?”
Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah. Usually my high ideas are things like, “Oh my God, there should be a TV show called Find Your Star Twin, where you take a celebrity and then they meet someone who — like a random person who has their exact same birth chart. That also, is one of my high ideas that I think would be great. It’s like…
Christina: Yeah, first of all, TM, Drew Gregory, copyright.
Drew: That’s a free one. I don’t care.
Christina: No, it’s not. Drew, I’m getting you money, I am going to be your money manager for that. Absolutely not.
Drew: I just want to see this stuff in the world. Basically, this is a dating podcast, a queer dating podcast. And one of the reasons why it is that topic, as opposed to any number of other things Christina and I talk about, is because I love dating and Christina does not love dating and that is a fun little.
Christina: Less of a fan.
Drew: And conflict is really… That’s where drama happens. I think Socrates said that.
Drew: And that’s why that’s our topic. We’re going to cover all sorts of things.
Christina: Yeah. We’re going to talk about all of the best queer dating conundrums, dating via Instagram.
Drew, in audio clip from future episode: Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Instagram is the best queer dating app.
Shelli, in audio clip from future episode: A thousand percent. It is the best.
Christina, in audio clip from future episode: I’ve heard this from other queers.
Shelli, in audio clip from future episode: Absolutely. It gives you literally everything you need, except if someone’s private. But even if you’re private, baby, I’ll find out all about you, some kind of way.
Drew, in audio clip from future episode: We’re going to talk about the best sex we’ve ever had.
Dani, in audio clip from future episode: And then I finally asked like, “No, did you run over here to have sex? Are we going to have sex?” And they were like, “Yeah, that’s what I wanted.” And it was like, the cat and the dog were in the room and there was cat and dog hair everywhere. And I was like, definitely having an allergic reaction while we were having sex. The orgasm was, like, chef’s kiss. It was the perfect experience.
Drew, in audio clip from future episode: Wow.
Christina, in audio clip from future episode: I wonder if it’s something about the hives that really added. Like a little ‘jenesequa’ to that orgasm experience. It was like, “Ooh, I’m a little itchy also.” I wonder how much that factors. We’re talking about how to break up with people.
Ro, in audio clip from future episode: It feels like a very straight culture thing, too.
Christina, in audio clip from future episode: Yeah.
Ro, in audio clip from future episode: At least in my experience, I feel like… My straight friends are the ones who are more likely to say, “Well, fuck that person. That person sucks,” if I end a relationship with someone. Whereas, queer people in my life are the ones who are more likely to maintain friendships with exes or at least see our exes in a holistic way.
Christina, in audio clip from future episode: Everything you could think of in a dating podcast, and I’m not going to lie to you folks, also more. More than you could ever think of.
Drew, in audio clip from future episode: When you’re sexting via text, is it like what you want them… Are you doing role-plays of a scenario, like “you’re touching me right now” or “I wish you were touching,” what tense are we in?
Kayla, in audio clip from future episode: Yeah, I was going to ask the same question, actually, because that’s something that’s always interesting to me, especially just because we are all writers, also.
Christina, in audio clip from future episode: I was going to say, a group of writers like, “What tense are we working?”
Kayla, in audio clip from future episode: Point of view.
Christina, in audio clip from future episode: It’s a close third, what’s happening here?
Kayla, in audio clip from future episode: Like, strictly second?
Drew: Here’s the thing about queer people. Let me tell you.
Christina: Okay. Pull up a chair. Welcome to your TED Talk. Let’s go off.
Drew: We have so many experiences and are so much more interesting. Just when I think about the way that straight people talk about dating, it’s so boring. And I think so often, queer dating conversations are extensions of the mainstream dating discourse, but adding things like “coming out” and “first time you’re with a blah, blah, blah.” It’s like — there’s so much more nuance in so many more… It’s so exciting. What a world that it is, queer sex and queer dating.
Christina: We’ve taken like the very classic kind of boring structure of heterosexual dating and really brought it into a new world, filled with long conversations and processing our feelings. It’s incredible work.
Drew: Yeah. I’m really excited and I hope you all are excited, because our first episode comes out a week from today and then, there’ll be new episodes every Wednesday.
Christina: It’s been one week until you’ll hear our podcast. Nailed it. Crushed it. Yeah. Every Wednesday, you’ll not only get To L and Back on Mondays, you’ll get Wait, Is This A Date? on Wednesdays.
Drew: And I co-host both, so if you don’t like me, I guess you’re not listening to Autostraddle podcasts. And if you do like me, you’re welcome.
Christina: Also, if you don’t like Drew, grow up, is what I have to say.
Drew: I’m not for everybody, I’m okay with that. I think it’s probably good to not be for everybody.
Christina: Sure. I think that’s totally fair. And maybe a topic we could discuss on one of our future episodes. What happens when you’re not for everybody? I loved that I went like, “Ooh, let’s make this all inclusive.” What happens when you, we, as people. You said, let’s do a whole episode about, “What if I’m not for everybody?”
Drew: Well, it’s Leo season and I’m a Leo rising and I felt like making it about myself. 00:09:54].
Christina: As am I. Thank you very much.
Drew: We are dual Leo risings on this podcast, and that’s part of why it’s going to be so good. You can listen to us wherever you listen to your podcast. It’s going to be a pretty standard podcast situation. Nothing fancy, no riddles needed to be solved to find the episode, it’s going to be right there for you.
Christina: Simply not the boss of you. There’s lots of options, do what you will.
Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Okay. Well, you can find us on Twitter and Instagram at @waitisthisadate. And you can email us at email@example.com. And you can find me on Twitter and Instagram and TikTok at @draw_gregory, my name in the present tense.
Christina: I have looked at your social media accounts many times and I have never, until this moment, realized that it is “draw.” Wow.
Drew: Yeah. Well that’s the thing, Drew was taken and I don’t know how… Oh, I was dating someone that actually… Actually this person who I dated, I didn’t get a lot out of that relationship, except I said this idea and she thought it was so funny, like too funny, honestly, like part of the problem, I think maybe. And I was encouraged to do it, and then it’s just stuck.
Drew: But yeah. Sometimes people think I’m a visual artist and you know what, I love to be thought of that way, but I can’t, I don’t really have drawing skills.
Christina: I will say there’s nothing more on brand for Drew than being like, “Oh, that’s your Twitter handle.” And you being like, “Actually, it’s a funny story about dating.”
Drew: Yes, exactly.
Drew: What are your personal handles, and are they connected to your romantic life?
Christina: Simply, no. You can find me at @c_gracet on twitter.com, the website. And if you want to find me on Instagram, you can do so, at @christina_gracet. And it’s really brave of me to know my own Instagram handle.
Drew: Incredible work.
Christina: Thanks so much.
Drew: It’s always a joy to talk to you and I’m so excited to dive into all of these exciting topics. And for our listeners to get to know us a little bit better and get to… I think we can all, I think we’re all going to learn on this journey.
Christina: I hope so. I signed up for learning.
Christina: Like a college course of podcasts. That made it sound like an absolute bummer. So sorry.
Drew: I don’t know. I had some really great college classes.
Christina: Obviously, I did too, but I don’t want to make anybody—
Drew: Can you imagine how amazing it would be if you showed up to your college class and either of us was your professor, or we taught a class together, that’d be the hottest thing ever. People would be like…
Christina: Hottest ticket in town. Enrollment is off the chart.
Drew: Oh, we should have an episode that’s dedicated to hot professors. That’s not relevant.
Christina: That’s not not relevant. I’ll say that.
Drew: Sure, sure. I feel like there may be — you have to make it a little broader, but who knows? Who knows what will be in the future, and that’s really exciting. And you know who will know? You, listener, when you tune in every Wednesday.
Christina: You tune in and you crucially hit that old subscribe button and you can hang out with us every Wednesday and ask yourself, “What is a date?”
Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah. That brings me to… I don’t know. I was just wondering… was this a date?
Christina: Drew, no. This is a podcast trailer.
Drew: Oh, cool. Okay. Great. Okay. I think I’m getting the hang of it and you know what’s great, is that because I asked, now I know, and now in direct communication is really what it’s all about.
Christina: Asked and answered. The CT motto.
Drew: And something that a lot of people in our community could learn. And we’re going to, hopefully, this is really a service. This is less of a podcast and more of a political act.
Christina: Wow. I wasn’t aware of that, but I’m thrilled to know that we’re having both a podcast and a political act. Two of my favorite things. Two of my favorite things to start with P, podcasts and political acts.
Theme song plays.
Christina, in a voice memo: I think my instinct is if I like a person and I want them in my life, I know the best way for me to keep them in my life is to make them a friend.
Drew, in a voice memo: I’m just so glad that we’ve become such close friends. And if out of quarantine, that’s what happened, I made this amazing new friend, who I love dearly and I’m just delighted to talk to you always, like what a gift.
Christina, in a voice memo: Dammit. I had a thought and it went away. It was honestly probably really brilliant.