This Shit Rules: Loverboi Fresh

Hello fancy dandelions, hope the world is treating you well. And if it isn’t, I hope that you’re treating yourself so fkn good that the world is jealous.

i love me

This is my first post about beauty thangs ’cause I’m a pretty low-maintenance kind of weirdo. I’m like a five-minute shower, shake my jeans off the floor, scrape the last bits of deodorant from that plastic applicator thing and rub it under my arms type of kid. Not like if I’m going on a date or to work, but like if I’m just running errands, I’m not putting more than ten minutes into getting it together, feel me?

However, I’ve found myself in a relationship with a crafty little human who makes wonderful things. And without even realizing it, I’ve gathered an array of her homemade products and some very necessary queer/hippie extras that keep me feeling so fresh and so clean clean. Now I get to share that stuff with you and we’ll all be fresh together and the world will be so mad.

beyonce fresh

PS: I get most of this stuff for free cuz I’m the gf. But since I love y’all and wanna hook it up, if you buy anything from my girl’s Etsy page, use the codeword Loverboi for a 20% discount.


Coffee ‘n Peppermint Face Scrub

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Yo, no lie, my skin is good to me. It’s not blotchy and I’m not prone to breaks outs. BUT it’s sensitive af, so I don’t normally use anything but plain old soap to wash it. And I have one of those strawberry noses which is a cute way to say that my nose is covered in mini-blackheads and I’ve never known what to do about them but hope other people can’t see them.

So I tried this wonderful homemade face scrub and it’s the best thing ever. It’s literally coffee, sugar, and peppermint essential oil which is basically like a candy cane double shot latte for your face.

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And something about the coffee grounds and the peppermint oil working together makes my face feel like it’s super clean and wide awake. Every other week, I’m scrubbing like a fiend.

Pro-tip: Be gentle when you rub it on your face because the coffee grounds are a little rough.

Coffee Break – One 4oz Jar $5.00


Easy, Wheezy! (Hippie Vicks Vaporub)

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I’ve got some wicked asthma. Last winter, before I was put on the proper asthma meds, I’d wake up in the middle of the night wheezing and choking, unable to breathe for almost an hour at a time. It was hell and it worried my girlfriend and Lizz Rubin, my favorite almost doctor. After a month of wheezy nights, my girlfriend set out to make a healing salve cuz obvs she’s a witch and wanted to heal me.

The first time she rubbed it on my chest, the wheezing stopped within a few minutes and my whole body calmed down. It reminds me of the Vicks Vaporub my momma used to rub on me as a kid but minus the eye-watering chemicals.

Easy, Wheezy! not only alleviates the burning and whistling in my lungs, it calms me down and puts me to sleep. I think she loves me, y’all.

Easy, Wheezy! – One 2oz Tin $6.00


Cocoa Butter Lip Balm

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This winter was murder on my bembas. They were dry, peeling, and angry at me for never having things like lip balm in my pockets. My lips even cracked at the corners and that’s what broke me. As I was leaving for work, I dipped into my girl’s stash of hippie stuff, found a tube that looked like lip balm and prayed for the best.

The lip balm I snatched was on point.

It rubs on smooth like chocolate and tastes like chocolate but it works like real lip balm. Immediately my lips were cool and they healed up fast. Also, they were a million times more kissable, so… yeah. You want this lip balm in yer pocket and on yo lips.

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Cocoa Butter Lip Balm – One .15 oz tube $3.00


Formidable Formula Deodorant

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At first, I wasn’t too down with hippie deodorant. Something about it made me think I’d just be wet and stinky all day and have to rub tea tree oil all over myself just to cover up the funk. But I watched my girl rub the stuff she made under her arms and she didn’t ever stink, not even after going to the gym. I thought she’s either a super witch or maybe her hippie deodorant actually works. Both are likely tho.

She made me a batch cuz she was sure that the aluminum in my Dove deodorant would kill me faster than as asthma attack and so I gave in and I’m a believer. I even help her make it sometimes.

Don't ever confuse lye for coconut oil.

Don’t ever confuse lye for coconut oil.

Formidable Formula Deoderant – One 4oz jar $8.00


Lavender ‘n Honey Soap

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This soap is sweet. It smells good, is all natural, and doesn’t dry out my skin. Also, it’s made with tea leaves and this gives the soap an exfoliating quality. I’ve definitely rubbed it on my bum to get rid of dry skin. It’s cool. I trust you guise to keep that between us.

Note: This product currently isn’t for sale on her Etsy page but if you make a request because of this post, she’ll make some just for you!


Nature’s Blessings Pomade

Khane Khutzwell, one of the most talented queer barbers out in Brooklyn, put me on to this hair pomade almost three years ago and I haven’t used another product in my hair since.

shape up at Khane's

shape up at Khane’s

It doesn’t crust up or make my hair stiff. It leaves my curls shiny and gives them some much needed body. It also gives me a natural look whereas regular gel has often left me feeling like a Gotti Boy.

Also, how can you not love a product that lists ‘good intentions’ as one of its ingredients?

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This product isn’t made by my, gf btw. Go see Khane Khutzwell in Brooklyn or order it online from Mystic Essence.

Nature’s Blessing – One 4oz Jar $3.50


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Gabrielle Rivera is an awesomely queer Bronx bred, writer, spoken word artist and director. Her short stories and poems have been published in various anthologies such as the Lambda Award winning Portland Queer: Tales from the Rose City and The Best of Panic! En Vivo from the East Village. Her short film "Spanish Girls are Beautiful" follows a group of young Latina and Caucasian girls who like girls as they hook up, smoke up and try to figure sh*t out. She also freelances for Autostraddle.com while working in the film and television industry. Gabrielle is currently working on her first novel while bouncing around NYC performing spoken word and trying to stick it to the man.

gabby has written 102 articles for us.

32 Comments

  1. This is my favorite This Shit Rules. And I totally bought stuff because of Rachel’s This Shit Rules article.

    Also! Coffee scrubs are my favorite! I’ve made some a couple years running for christmas and people love it. I’m glad to see that it’s even more amazing with peppermint EO.

  2. hey i’m a strawberry nose too! i follow kim milan on instagram and she’s always talking about how important it is to use natural products for your body and always shares her favorite stuff. and i’ve been meaning to look into it, but this post has inspired me to just go for it and use more natural products on my self! probs going to buy the coffee scrub and deodorant. hi laura!

  3. This whole post is so full of love. My goodness. You two are the bee’s knees, truly.

    Strawberry nose is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard to describe my blackhead nose situation. Stealing it!

    Also, I’m excited to try some of Laura’s stuff!

  4. The story of that salve and your asthma is the cutest ever, and I will buy it for my asthmatic wife! <3 I too have been weary of the hippie deodorant, buy I've just decided that my sweat smells delicious and I have gotten in the habit of not wearing anything. And since I've been stuck at home not doing anything, it hasn't been an issue. But guess what witches!? I juuust got my work permit in the mail, and I finally have a driver's license! I'm no longer a princess stuck in a cabin in the woods! I'm gonna get a job and smell amazing working it. I think I will buy that too! This is such a sweet this sh*t rules! My flave!

  5. I have a shitty shoulder that gets knotted up all the time- my special person made me a jar of coconut rub – it somehow relaxes muscles, warms them, and keeps your skin from overheating from friction. She tried to explain the science behind the essential oils and wotnot to me but I glazed over because this stuff FEELS AMAZING AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

  6. Loooove this article, I want to buy everything, I hate that the deodorant is sold out, ihave recently switched to a natural deodorant and it doesn’t quite cut it for me, I hope you have more soon! And the soap too Would be awesome! Basically I am going to stalk your etsy until it’s restocked!

  7. I would like to thank you for the gift of the link to Beauty of New York. Brb, buying all the things. There is literally nowhere to buy shit for my increasingly difficult hair in this white as fuck town. My hair is so excited.

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