The Fosters Episode 215 Recap: The Unicorn Flies at Midnight!

After band practice, Mat stops in to see if he and Mariana are still broken up. They’re not, which is good because he says he loves her. She says she loves him back and is going on tour with him. Not so good.

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Could you stop writing Sparia fan fic for a second and talk to me?

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Nope.

Out at dinner at some fancy wine bar or whatever, Robert asks Callie if she’s ever done any of the things you get to do if you’re a teenager whose parents own a yacht. Callie has not done any of those things — museums, horseback rides, having enough money to develop actual film from a non-digital camera — because she is a teenager whose last few years have been consumed with finding a home for herself and her little brother where they are not constantly being abused or molested. Robert says he can start taking her on these adventures right away! Sunday even! They can start Sunday! She says okay and gives him a gift she bought for Sophia, and when he finally relaxes, she’s like, “So have you decided to stop invalidating my personhood and accept that I am an autonomous human being who does not exist simply to make you feel good about yourself? Have you come to understand that I am not a chartered plane? Have you signed my adoption papers?”

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This is a face I make when I want Sophia to laugh.

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This is the face I make before I stab you with my fork.

He has not, has not, and has not. He is the worst.

Callie would like to go home now, please.

Okay, guys! Here it is! The moment everyone with a heart has been waiting for! At the movies, the girls sit on opposite sides of Connor and Jude, and Connor puts down the armrest between them, and Taylor is like, “You can have some of my popcorn if you need the distraction for when they start sucking on each other’s faces.” Jude does not tell her that such a thing will make him lose his appetite for infinity. Nor does he have to. Because during the movie, while his hand is sitting casually on the armrest, Connor deliberately reaches over and touches their pinkies together. Jude just about jumps out of his skin. He whips his head around to look at Taylor, who is chowing down on that popcorn, as promised, but she’s into the movie. Daria doesn’t seem to be paying attention either. Jude is breathing so heavy he looks like he’s about to pass out, and so is Connor. Finally, Connor grins and wraps his finger around Jude’s in a gay little pinky hug and for the first time in my life I understand why people post “I’M DONE!” GIFs all over the internet.

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Is this what it feels like to die!?

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No, dude. This is what it feels like to live.

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:’)

Lord, I cried cried cried during this scene. I was never brave enough to hold another girl’s hand when I was 13, but when I finally did — in my 20s! — it still felt like this, like running a marathon or jumping off a cliff and cutting out your own heart to feed ot the birds on the way down. I don’t know one single gay person who watched this scene and was not so moved. Our whole senior staff, my sister, my girlfriend, all of Tumblr and Twitter, my dear friend Lucy Hallowell who has been recapping this show from the word go. It’s just so real and so true. And it’s directed and edited brilliantly.

There’s an eight-year-old boy in my life who is struggling with some complicated relationship feelings and getting bullied so much that he doesn’t even want to go to school. He said he doesn’t want to go to school on Valentine’s Day especially because he wants his Valentine to be this one boy and he’s afraid that’s gay. It doesn’t matter that he has been exposed to gay people his whole life, and cherishes all his relationships with the gay adults in his world, or that he has parents who use the word “gay” as nothing more than a descriptor like “left-handed.” He’s eight. His peers are what matters. And he’s terrified of going to school on Valentine’s Day. Who knows where he’ll land on the gender/sexuality scale when he’s old enough to understand and start exploring the full spectrum of things. But man, I wish he was old enough to be into this show. Or that other family shows (and cartoons) would grasp that gay feelings are so much more than gay sex feelings. No first grader is asking how Ariel and Prince Eric fuck!

I also love that this show is exploring how Jude can struggle with this on a personal level despite the fact that Stef and Lena are his heroes and his moms and he has no ethical conundrum with gay people. More realness and more truth.

Just watch it:

The next day, the cops visit Callie at work. Remember that snooping lady in the trinket shop with the side-eye? She remembered that Callie bought a toy dog at her shop at Christmas. And Callie gave that to Daphne, remember? And Daphne gave it to Tasha. And Tasha had it when she walked on home from being kidnapped. So I guess she did have a souvenir after all. Whoops! Callie tells them she’s calling a parent since she’s a minor. And the person she calls is Robert. Double whoops!

She could have called Lena but Lena is busy at school doing paperwork and unwisely blowing off steam about Stef to her principal who is recently divorced and obviously in love with her. Lena, you be careful, girl.

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What are you doing?

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Using my mouth without using my brain. I think it’s called “pulling a Stef”?

Finally, back at home, Ana visits Stef and Lena and asks them to adopt her baby and never have sex again, a thing that was obviously Mariana’s idea.

Next week: Callie tries to stay out of jail while Robert regals her with tales of riding on gondolas in Venice. Stef swings at everything that comes near the plate, instead of waiting for strikes. Lena fires Timothy and gets closer with the tricksy principal. And Mariana builds a functioning hoverboard on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

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heatherannehogan

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior editor who lives in New York City with her wife, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 1240 articles for us.

12 Comments

  1. Tattoo removal is expensive as hell and takes months and it still doesn’t always come off perfectly sometimes. I’m with Jesus on getting a good coverup. If I was Stef and Lena, I would make Jesus deal with his stupid as hell tattoo until he can afford to get something nice.

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