The Comment Awards Are So F*cking Thankful For You, And For…Exes?

Hi, loves! This is a complicated week (follow that link, it’s a Heather Hogan masterpiece) for literally everyone I know, for one reason or another – whether you’re currently negotiating boundaries with family, or working, or enjoying a solid four straight days in your pajamas, I love you and I’m so glad we are in this weird and wild Autostraddle family together! Like truly: I didn’t come out until I was 30, and I didn’t have any gay friends until I was 31, and sometimes I sit straight up and think how even did this happen, what is this life we made somehow, where I know so many incredible people? Baby Queer Girl would not even believe me if I told her how good this life can be, and that goodness? It’s you all.

So! This week, the team brought us a truly epic holiday gift guide.

Meg wrote about the personal power and magic that can be found in Tarot.

Drew…did not love Frozen 2. 

This was a journey! Here are the top 25 Most Egregious Acts of Queerbaiting on TV.

In the absolute gayest post of all time, Kayla spoke to nine people who will be watching The L Word: Generation Q WITH THEIR EXES.

Vanessa wants you to stop over-processing your feelings. I support this! Is it a Capricorn thing?

And finally, need some support over the holidays? We got ya, babes. 

And then there were your comments!

On Top 25 Most Egregious Acts of Queerbaiting on TV:

The Friendzone Award to Madelaine:

I took to referring to Rizzoli & Isles as CSI:No Homo. I still watched every episode though so…

On VOTE NOW! Bette Porter 2020? Dawn Denbo Edged Out Rhonda Johnson in Round 1!:

The Aspirational Award to likeaduck:

Elena is the west coast fictional AOC and that’s that

On Unfortunately There Is Such a Thing as Too Much Processing; Here’s How Not To:

The Do You Like Scary Journals Award to Kate:

What if I told you the over-processing was coming from inside the house?

On “Frozen 2″ Review: Elsa Gets Mommy Issues Instead of a Girlfriend:

The Let It Snow Award to, well, Snow!

Speaking as a legit Snow Queen I am unimpressed with the first one and disinterested in the second. I have a good relationship with my mother, thank you, and I still get to be queer. Ta-da! Not that hard, was it, Disney?? LET ITTTTT SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

On No Filter: A Cuddle-Off Between Janelle Monáe’s Bathrobe and Samira Wiley’s Hoodie:

The Parent of the Thirst Trap Award to Stef:

i’m the inventor of drooling over hot queer celebrities on autostraddle on a wednesday by wednesday basis and i approve this post

On Take It From Us: Our Best-Ever Queer Dating Advice:

The Joyland Award to Amanda ling:

I don’t ever plan to see family on the holidays again, but my roommate’s parents are visiting us and HE JUST FAKE SCOLDED HIS DAD FOR LEAVING THE LIGHTS ON, LIKE ELECTRICITY GROWS ON TREES!!! Joy is still gonna find you if your first life plan didn’t work out

And on Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holigay Toolkit:

The Ask And You Shall Receive Award to Shea, Amanda, and Laneia:

Anyone else read the title and get their hopes up that this was going to be about a literal tool box and or power tools? / Laneia: [Links to many articles about power tools]

See a comment that needs to be here? Let me know! Comment “comment award,” or tag me! I’m [at] queergirl.

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Darcy, a.k.a. Queer Girl, is your number one fan. They're a fat feminist from California who doodles hearts in the corners of their Gay Agenda. They're living through a pandemic, they're on Twitter, and they think you should drink more water! They also wanna make you laugh.

Darcy has written 376 articles for us.


  1. Okay, obvs I am very inspiring, but my comment nomination here should *really* include the realization that I posted it in the wrong place??

  2. Uh guys, if you read this:I’m having two straight friends over for a “girls’” movie night.
    The only straight movies I can think of are Notting Hill and The Bridges of Madison county.
    Anybody have any movie advice?

    • I will maintian tradition and suggest you watch Lair of the White Worm.I’m gonna make someone around here watch it eventually.

    • I think you should watch any one of the 90 million movies that we think of as gay but are all subtext. And serve some fried green tomatoes as a movie snack @amidola

      • Agreed, there’s a good chance they’ll be oblivious to queer subtext anyway so might as well pick something you’ll get to enjoy too!

      • Ok, gotcha! Subtext ftw!
        I literally own Bend it like Beckham on VHS btw.!
        And @deli-twotone, Nosferatu is what you think of when talking about European flair?
        We’ll..that’s interesting, I‘ll say.
        We ended up talking about feminism all night, which was also a win.
        Thanks for your advice! I was already scared I‘d have to suffer through Bridget Jones Part Two. I‘ll prepare something off of your list for the next time around!

    • Slightly bent movies :

      Comedy : What We Do In the Shadows, The World’s End, Paul, Blockers, Spy (basically anything with Melissa McCarthy), Ghostbusters 2016, Blue Jasmine (for Cate, forget the other losers in the film)

      Drama : The Hours, The Shape of Water, Boyhood, Sunset Boulevard, The Hurt Locker, Hidden Figures, Basquiat, Possible Worlds

      But these are all pretty North American/English, for some European flair I’d add Nosferatu, Saraband, Playtime (Jacques Tati !!)

      But I’m rambling now…

  3. ‘1984’, Michael Radford, 1984. Since they are straight I can think of no better introduction to Berlin’s queer and political scenes – atmosphere, doublethink, the Thought Police and so on – which is also effortless, you only have to watch, and if these things do not concern you (i.e. if you are not a trans woman, or a lesbian or bisexual cis woman who is with a trans woman) it is ‘just a movie’. Sometimes I actually think they got it wrong here – like they apparently get everything wrong they import, including Queer, judging from Autostraddle – and so they thought ‘1984’ was a recipe how to build ‘communities’. Taking into account this error – if it was an error! – they got it perfectly right.

      • Exactly. And in the case of ‘1984’ as a blueprint of queer and political scenes in Berlin the mental acrobatics this sometimes requires is, to put it bluntly, crazy. For example, while being here on Autostraddle Island I fully self- identify as a queer trans woman, while being physically here where the word ‘queer’ keeps me very effectively away from spaces, places, events and people, for very good reasons. But this is not doublethink, this is the ability of handling context.

        • Absolutely, context is vital, especially in situations of personal safety. I identify myself in different ways depending on different circumstances, and it doesn’t mean I’m confused or inconsistent, I’m just adjusting my language according to the situation. You should have the right to identify as you wish wherever you are, but the fact that you can’t reflects on the injustice of the situation, not on you.

          • I absolutely agree, and being here on Autostraddle Island helps me significantly to become a more proficient mental acrobat, in the above sense. I knew beforehand that accepting the straitjacket of categories and identity markers imposed by others can be fatal, especially for women and for trans women in particular, but what I learn here is to deal with this in contexts (!) of sympathy, humour and joy, and this is marvellous.

          • Oh, and I can give you an example: today a well-known party organizing institution in Berlin initiates a new ‘sex positive’ party series ‘for women by women’, oh joy! But, let me introduce you to the Asterisk Trick which is on of, roughly, a dozen standard tricks of Berlin transmisogyny:

            German original: von Frauen* für Frauen*

            Doublethink: you claim that you are, and your language is, ‘inclusive’ because the asterisk is supposed to imply that ‘ Frauen*’ means ‘all who identify as women’. But, dear Chandra, I am confident that you would discover what this really is and does, without my explanation, namely, it draws a distinction between those who (‘really’) are women and those who only ‘identify’ as women. Doublethink: you claim and make yourself believe how proressive, queer, and in possession of a hundred supposedly good qualities you are while in reality you add massive gaslghting to your transmisogny, claiming it isn’t transnisogyny, and you stand ready to mark trans women as ‘crazy’ and ‘problematic’ should they speak up.

            And of course you know where Yours Truly does not go today.

          • And I apologize for the typos – you probably understand that I am not wholly emotionally neutral when I depict how my womanhood is thrown into the dirt yet again by these …people. But rest assured that I will have a good day, due to this wonderful conversation.

          • Oh, @undercitywitch I’m so sorry that you’re having such a hard time with the Berlin scene, but I can totally understand it,too.
            The “Sex positive” for and by women* thing would send me running for the hills.
            If you don’t fit a certain mold you’re not welcome in this particular scene, and there’s a harshness to it that I just cannot cope with.
            A lot of people have swamped this town looking for the best party and kinky sex and hard drugs and it’s robbing the scene of its soul (and of a big part of its political discourse and introspection!). That there is a lot of freebie sex tourism going on is not even an open secret anymore.
            A couple of years ago I went to a gay bar in New York, which was tiny, with carpeted floors and a piano in a corner and christmas lights in rainbow colors strung up along the low ceiling and the place was packed, everybody standing with a drink in their hand and..singing. Musical songs, all night long.
            I felt such a sense of community and connection that I just wanted to cry and cry and cry for all the things that got lost in my hometown over the years.
            I used to be the kind of person who could walk into a club and always meet people, organized a shit ton of things and really tried to find my place, but honestly, my place is in front of a TV with my gay nerd friends I met through TV shows commenting on Batwoman’s absurdly large motorcycle helmet and here, nerding out about subtext and tofu.
            I’ve finally realized last month that staying in the Big B and in this oftentimes toxic environment I can’t navigate, will mean that I remain single, which at 39 also means without a family of my own,but it’s a choice I’ve made and am now a lot more relaxed about it.
            I hope you have a place in this large town where you get to be just you and find people who love you for it. The good thing about these large city things is, that they have a lot of tiny, hidden spaces, it takes a while, but these can be full of magic, too.

          • Oh thank you kindly amidola – for sharing this story, and these sentiments. (I do hope this reply actually lands where it is supposed to …) I feel understood in a way that is very rare, and I shall treasure it.

            These developments you describe and which I talk about now and then here have actually driven me into full hermit mode, as far as Big B Queer is concerned. I find your depiction of these developements highly interesting! From my neck of the woods it looks a little different as far as causalities are concerned, but you mentioned some factors I may have neglected to take into account. I will include what you said into my observations and thoughts from now on.

            Regarding your thoughts about remaining single while and because you live here: please believe me, I do hear you! Have I not be raving for months in the blackest rages of my life after coming out and living as a woman 24/7 some years ago? Because of this, because of what we are talking about? Because the places and spaces I desperately need to explore this womanhood are held and dominated by them? Because I am deprived of even getting to know these aspects of myself, my tenderness, my sexuality, my potential kinky-ness? Instead of this I had years of fighting for survival with oftentimes nothing but the rage to get me going. Because I saw very clearly where despair would lead me – so, again, I do hear you!

            But I for one will not give up, I will never give up. There was, and there is, my chosen family, my sister and my closest friends, straight cis women – which I do not find at all ironic – who made me understand what love is, and what trust is, and who did not leave me even when I was reduced to a raving beast roaring for blood. And they persevered, my glorious chosen family, and now I claim and I take and I begin to live my womanhood in despite of Big B and its scenes. Because this, I realized, is the way to defeat them.

            I am older than you are, amidola, but I intend to live my life to the fullest. The longer I walk this path the better I understand that they cannot stop me – as snow once, in her wisdom, told me: they do not control me. And do I not have Autostraddle Island to be at, and did I not just receive this wonderful message from you?

            This is a good day.

            Maybe you feel my tender thoughts – I am a Witch, after all.

      • Oh if you found that interesting you might perhaps find one of Orwell’s essays inspiring: ‘Politics and the English language’. Interesting and useful for everybody, I believe, but especially enlightening if you apply what Orwell says to German queer, ‘political’, and ‘community’ lingo. But, enough, no spoilers!

  4. I know this might not be the right place but I can’t help myself because I fear I might be delusional. Has ANYBODY else seen that Jolene episode of Dolly Parton’s Heartstrings and can confirm that what I just saw was unmistakably a lesbian love story that ticked ALL – and I mean ALL – the romantic trope boxes(honestly, after a certain point the husband was just there as a personal affront to the netflix lesbian squad at the end)? And that this whole thing was even GAYER than the freakkin’ song? What the…?

    I also watched what I assumed to be a generic filler christmas comedy series with Dennis Quaid and a laugh track yesterday (“Merry happy whatever”) and suddenly found myself in a truly heartfelt and well done series long coming out arc. It turned out to be one of the main story lines of the series, consistenly written, and incorporated into each episode… even going as far as “stealing” the overarching story-arc’s (and main hetero couple’S) lime-light several times. Which was clearly inteded that way.

    Man, Netflix has just been full of happy-lesbian surprises this weekend.

      • Yes!!! Came here after watching Jolene and can 100% confirm it was a love story between two women. And it makes sense given that there are explicitly queer stories in the rest of the series. Yay Dolly! Yay femmes!

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