The Comment Awards Are Fetching the Motherf*cking Bolt Cutters

We’re here! We’re queer! We’re thriving! We just had four literal sips of a beer and might now need to take a nap! Oh wait, is that just me?

Listen: we mustn’t dwell. No, not today. We can’t. Not on Rex Manning Fiona Apple day!

Riese thinks you should bake cookies. She’s not wrong!

Autostraddle wants to imagine a beautiful future. It’s going to be amazing! I believe!

For this week’s You Need Help, is closure a myth? We’ll let Kayla tackle this one.

This was so beautiful, from Abeni: How to Quit Smoking.

IRL dates may be canceled, but Animal Crossing dates sure aren’t!

Listen: quarantine is terrible in so many ways, but – hear me out – it’s producing some really top-notch No Filter content, and that’s… not… nothing?

This week’s Foolish Child has no time for Karens.

And then there were your comments!

On Every Fiona Apple Song, Ranked by Existential Despair:

The Fiona Apple Spiral Award to RCF:

1. See article – chuckle knowingly and think “thank goodness for Rachel

On You Need Help: Will I Ever Get Over My First Ex or Is Closure a Myth:

The Doppelgangland Award to thatottergirl:

This is great advice, especially since Social Distancing has made me do some hardcore introspection work. ALSO, the woman in the feature image looks kinda like a cross between Laneia and Kristen Stewart, which is to say a bit frustrated but hotttt

On IRL Dating Is Canceled, but Animal Crossing Is Perfect for Cute Queer Dates:

The Different Strokes Award to Chandra:

THIS IS PRECIOUS Meanwhile my wife hid creepy dolls around the island to scare me so I built cliffs and a moat around her house to trap her. True love

On How to Quit Smoking:

The Free As A Bird Award to IsabelMisabel:

After 11 years smoking, I’m 10 months free as of Saturday. Reading this has left me feeling so seen that I’m speechless. Thank you.

On Queered & Careered: Practice Career Cocooning:

The Great Expectations Award to Kay:

This was so helpful to read! Cocooning is the perfect way to describe this space in time we’re all living. It’s frustrating- sometimes I have lots of creative energy flowing through me manifesting things left and right, and sometimes I cannot gather energy or willpower to get anything done…the latter was me yesterday. But the take away from this article is that overall, WAITING, and getting comfortable with being still, IS a part of the process. Transformation takes energy. Envisioning the next stage of my life takes energy. Doing all of this with the pandemic uncertainty over ALL of our heads takes the MOST energy within itself, and realizing this yesterday helped me see that I’m actually doing a decent job right now. Reading this article at the start of my day, with some energy and focus back, has reinforced I’m right where I need to be. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I’ll be coming back to this one whenever my head runs away with its expectations. :)

On Also.Also.Also: Is Anything Gayer Than a Mullet?

The Confessions of a Sixth Grade Mullet Award to Caitlin:

proof that mullets are the gayest thing: i had one in the sixth grade! it was bad

And on Foolish Child #70: Karen:

The You Wouldn’t Like Her When She’s Angry Award to msanon:

angry saliva: something you didn’t think could be worse, but now is.

See a comment that needs to be here? Tag me! I’m [at] queergirl.

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Darcy

Darcy, a.k.a. Queer Girl, is your number one fan. They're a fat feminist from California who doodles hearts in the corners of their Gay Agenda. They're living through a pandemic, they're on Twitter, and they think you should drink more water! They also wanna make you laugh.

Darcy has written 376 articles for us.

28 Comments

  1. As a commentator I feel committed to commenting on these Comment Awards, but my comments were lost in a committee of contentious, cacophonous commenters.

  3. Thanks, QG, for such an aptly-named comment award, and also thank you to Laneia, KStew, and Stock Photo Lady for their inspirational haircuts in the time of quarantine. <3 you all!

  4. I can honestly say I believe I have never heard a Fiona Apple song. I think she must be my queer blind spot.

    Not sure if I should address and resolve this, or try and ride this out as a challenge to never hear any for the rest of life, maintaining a state of constant vigilance/paranoia.

    • ohhhh i wonder what my queer blindspot is

      I think it’s…not having tried to bake sourdough?

      • I love this concept. Besides not having listened to Fiona Apple, my queer blind spot is I’ve never watched an episode of the L Word. (I also haven’t made sour dough bread but that’s canceled out by being gluten free, imo)

      • I know what my blind spot it’s slow acoustic-ish songs by not Tracy Chapman.
        Slow queer music bores me so bad or it resonates the “wrong way” Fast Car actually makes me happy

    • I have also never heard anything by Fiona Apple but I feel like it’s an American thing…

      • Yeah I have a very distinct memory of sitting in the baseball dugout during ninth grade PE, singing Criminal with friends

      • I think it’s American but also generational. I’m old enough (genX) that I don’t think I’ve heard a Fiona Apple song either.

        • What no, I’m Gen X too and you couldn’t escape her for most of the 90s! Her first album was from 1996.

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