I love sex and I love food. Sometimes I think of one when I’m doing the other and the little lines in my brain get all saucy and crossed.
This isn’t the Saturday Morning Cartoon you were expecting, but it’ll probably be better than drinking a $5 cup of coffee with powdered creamer, you know?
Carol Blackout 2K17
30+ queers gathered in a room to eat cheese curds and drink box wine. Now I will share the knowledge we obtained with you, because we’re a community and that’s how it works.
“It’s fine, because everything is.”
Official rankings of five influential boxed wines from a Boxed Wine and Artisan Women-Made Cheese Tasting I conducted at a recent Autostraddle event.
From jelly “the colour of sadness” to giant cakes and turtle soup, I’ve got a menu you’ll probably want to replicate at home while your cat screams into a pillow.
Chocolate Mousse tastes WAY better without sedatives.
“E.L. Fudge is strictly for children, as no adult can actually eat them with any dignity or hope for their future.”
Zucchini is bad. Zucchini, in fact, is the worst vegetable. Uncooked zucchini exists in a vacuum of flavor. Cooked zucchini, on the other hand, tastes like what I imagine hot turtle water tastes like. How you can go from nothing to unholy with the mere introduction of heat is a testament to zucchini’s darkness. Zucchini is the cantaloupe of vegetables. Zucchini is the vegetable you pair with yellow squash and serve in vats to large groups of people you disrespect. Zucchini is a miserable cucumber.
Really, all that I know is that zucchinis (or zukes, as I like to call them) are damn healthy, damn versatile and damn delicious. They really are so terrific that every good person likes them.
I’m from Idaho and in Idaho we learn that you can survive on just potatoes and butter? All the nutrients you need are in potatoes except for a couple, which are all in butter. Is that true?
Every time they offer me a potato chip or french fry, it’s like a well-meaning relative insisting that “you just haven’t met the right guy yet.” Sorry, Aunt Helen, but it’s not a matter of the right guy or the right potato.
Here’s to becoming 26 in the midst of my infamous #SummerOfSelfSabotage and feeling very great about it.
Look, there’s an American Flag pizza in here. No excuses.
Everyone loves Hot Dogs, and I mean EVERYONE! I can’t think of a single person who would have any reason not to love them! I know for sure my best friend, Heather, loves them!
People bring wine into movies. It’s fine. We’re all adults.
“Does anyone know why is this is only a national holiday? What gives, America!? As the arbitrator of cheesecake and cheesecake vendors worldwide, I’m declaring today to be a global celebration for us all.”
If you’ve ever wondered what happens when a big ‘ol group of queers and otherwise-identified humans taste test and evaluate six brands of string cheese accompanied by boxed wine, then today could very well be the greatest day of your life.
Really considered making Strawberry Shortcake Bar numbers 1-10.
“I’ll stop the world and melt with you. You’ve seen the difference and it’s getting better all the time.”