Listling Without Commentary: Statements (NOT QUESTIONS) Left for Riese and Laneia on Formspring Part Two

Sometimes people don’t want to ask anything, they want to say anything. We have formspring on our tumblr.

1. You don’t make friends with salad.

2. I just ate pizza out of the trash can.

3. She is perfection. I can be the best person on earth but I can never be her angel and she is mine. I am proposing.

4. I just watched Requiem for a Dream and feel like I’m about to die.

5. If there’s anything I love on this earth, it’s menstruation.

6. I took showerbeer to the next level, drinking Four Loko while I shaved my legs in hope of a warmer night.

7. My wrists are so weak, I can’t do anything, I sprained them playing foosball. FOOSBALL!

8.  I just want to let you know that the Chanukah gift I’m going to send you will probably be approximately 1 month late. But I will send it eventually.

9. I want to kiss behind her ears and the tops of her shoulders.

10. Laneia I just spoke to Riese about this and when I say spoke I mean I asked her formsrping, I’m sorry I’m on caffeine in like pill format at the moment, regardless can you guys maybe contemplate making a post in which commenters trade tumblr urls.

11. The vlogs are keeping me company, nonsexually naked, happily alone and drunk.

12. You’re a two times five.

13. I am so in love with Heather Peace. God. I love her.

14. I have the L Word theme song stuck in my head. this is like some sort of terrible terrible hell.

15. I cannot stop watching Ice Road Truckers. WTF? They drive big rigs on f*cking lakes in Canada!!!!

16. I want a ping pong table.

17. I wish I could have 3 different AS profiles with different IP addresses so you wouldn’t know that I am the same person. I am so many different people but IP addresses, I don’t know. I want to be 3 different people.

18.  anglostraddle, austrostraddle, spaniardstraddle, russostraddle,thaistraddle, congostraddle,slovakstraddle, francostraddle

19. If I let myself think about it sometimes it feel like I’m entirely composed of neuroses and there’s actually nothing else underneath.

20. It’s just past two, and I’ve been dreaming about evil talking imaginary animals that are trying to drown me in a lake.

21. I heard the new T-swift album and it sucks. It’s like you’re always right.

22. The thing is that I met this fantastic girl who has a girlfriend. I think we’re friends cause she threw up in my toilet and then once I got her to read my favorite poem out loud. It was wonderful/terrible. Ugh. I’m going to die in the friend zone.

23. You can only steal things through Lady Gaga’s vagina.

24. I think you looked hella cute with your short boyish haircut and smudgy eyeliner. Shaney. Bring it back!

25. I am more honest with the internet than any therapist I’ve ever had. I always give them the benefit of the doubt but I just don’t want to be the worst set of stories they’ve ever heard.

26. This one time in a foreign country I went broke and ate rice with various sauces for a week.

28. Every time I see a keyboard, my fingers automatically type the word ‘Autostraddle’

29. I got exams to study for. BUT ALL I CAN DO IS THINK ABOUT HER BUTT LIKE GEEEZ.

30.I just want to say that I love all of you. You saved my life. You made me feel worth something. Thank you.

To leave your own statements (or, you know, questions) for an Autostraddle team member, now including Music Editor Crystal and Design Director Alex!!, go here:

+ Riese

+ Laneia

+ Crystal

+ Alex

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lnj has written 310 articles for us.


    • I only remember the last 5 minutes of Requiem for a Dream and that’s probably 5 minutes too many. It’s one of the few movies I actively warn people not to see (or experience), especially if the only reason they want to watch it is because they heard Lux Aeterna at a football game. Strangely enough, that’s its lasting legacy.

      On a lighter note, I’m glad to see that Crystal is on formspring. :)

    • This one time, I watched Spun and Requiem for a Dream back to back. I’ve never smoked that many cigarettes before in my life.

      • I totally agree with kaitlan. I srsly locked myself in the garage with a jug of coffee and three packs of cigarettes and watched them back to back. #STRESS.

  1. Number 17! I’ve actually thought about this in the past 5 hours but that’s not my statement. Weird….

  2. I feel happy for #5 and I can relate to #9.

    I also feel simultaneously sorrow for and jealous of glorious #7. I miss my old roommate’s foosball table. Like, a whole whole lot.

    I think #s 19 and 20 could benefit from a heart-to-heart with one another. They could drink tea and eat pie and share things with each other and be each other’s therapists and stuff. I would want to invite myself to this, if they wouldn’t mind.

  3. WARNING: NEVER WATCH REQUIEM FOR A DREAM WHILE ON SHROOMS OR ACID (OR REALLY ANY DRUG). NEVER EVER EVER. It is one the most depressing things that will ever happen to you and definitely the gateway to a bad trip. Watching that movie while simultaneously battling a drug addiction is like looking in a mirror you’re not ready to look into. NOT. A. GOOD. IDEA.

    I have never cried harder over a movie or been more “on the edge of my seat” than while watching that.


    • I feel like this is really, really, really, really, really good advice. So, thank you.

      Did you do this yourself? I think it would be awful. I’m sorry :(

      • Yes, unfortunately I did do this. What makes it even worse is that I had seen the movie and done shrooms before, so I don’t understand why I didn’t put the two together and realize what a horrible idea it was.

        • You were just making sure, so that the rest of us could know just in case. It was very altruistic.

          My brain and heart both shudder a whole lot when I think about what that must have been like.

    • I would like to go a little further and say: don’t watch Requiem for a Dream, even if you’re sober, even if you aren’t battling a drug addiction. If you are a remotely sensitive person it will probably wreck you, like it wrecked me, and make you wish you had never seen those images which are now seared into your brain for life.

      I seriously spent the last 10 minutes curled up in a ball on the couch screaming “TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!” at my friend who I was watching with. He didn’t. Bastard.

      • I have only watched that film all the way through once. It was a wonderfully done movie, but I never want to do that again.

        • Speaking of Movies, hey DINA You’re in Australia right? You know that movie came out, Tomorrow when the war began. It’s on DVD too now I think. Fancy sending me a copy? I love you. Kthanksbye

      • I watched this movie on a bus. I think the people behind me spent the last ten minutes were screaming ‘TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF’ and they couldn’t even hear it.

        I know they definitely called me a bastard!!

  4. Am I the only one who can’t access articles for today from the mainpage? I can see them from the RSS feed, but on the homepage nothing after the Kathy Griffin news is showing up. It gave me sadz all day

  5. I dont want to sound like someone from Dublin but I cant help myself….yiz are all fucking mental! But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, sometimes it is, but not all the time!

    Number 7-do you know what makes the wrists super strong?-golf, no word of a lie, that’s what I was taught at any rate, im sure the arms have a huge role to play aswell but the golf teacher man said I was so good at golf because I had strong wrists, who knew! So light exercise with weights and also golf will hopefully help you out!

    And number 22, just back away, dont do it! Ive done that a few times like the ejit/idiot that I am and it has broken my heart, do not go any further with her!! As in dont try and become more than mates because more ofetn than not she wont leave her girlf….only my opinion now but ive learned from experience so hopefully you wont have to. :-)

    And number 6, thankyou for introducing me to shower alcolhol, is that just an American thing?! Id never heard about it before and it’s an amazing idea! :-D

  6. I hope #5 is being cynical. otherwise i want a uterus transplant with that biatch.

    also hearing someone acutally watch ice road truckers is like spotting a unicorn, its not supposed to exist.

    • allie, unrelated to above : see BBQ vs. Pancake thread–email me
      [email protected]

      #consider Ice Truckers to be one point against the whole Move To Canada We Are All Awesome and Gay thing….

    • I’ve seen Ice Road Truckers a few times, and it’s strangely fascinating to watch drivers who have to be crazy run around ice in semis.

      P.S. Does this make me a unicorn?

  7. “23. You can only steal things through Lady Gaga’s vagina.” now a facebook status. I’m curious to see what happens.

  8. #1 is, indeed, a Simpsons quote.
    it is true, except when it’s not. One of my very best friends still sings her own version of this “song” sometimes:
    “noone makes friends with sallad, but maria” because once, a couple of years ago, I won her over with just that – a sallad.

    also, the most recent list on the autostraddle tumblr made me really happy on this otherwise rather shitty day.

  9. i am/was thirty. you have no idea

    i’ll share, though, because you thought me that we all feel this alone. which makes me feel less alone.

  10. I just noticed the awesome grey bar at the bottom of the comments/page. the logo looks SO COOL in greys, my love for the redesign is boundless.

  11. Totally unrelated, but…

    I’m craving cheeseburger flavored Doritos sooo badly.

    I’ve been veggie for 5 years..they make me feel so naughty.

  12. “19. If I let myself think about it sometimes it feel like I’m entirely composed of neuroses and there’s actually nothing else underneath.”

    Huh. That’s weird. I don’t remember leaving that comment on your Formspring, but it sounds exactly like me. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve started surfing the net in my sleep now.

  13. Coming back to this because I forgot ALL ABOUT Formspring and I just wanted to say… #30 was mine. Of course I didn’t recall submitting anything at the time but then I had that snap-moment and now I remember the wording. Yeah, you guys really did play a huge part in saving my life.

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