Top 8 Songs My Moms Sing To Me About Me

My moms are really silly and they love to sing me original tunes.

two dykes in bed snuggling a tiny chihuahua with his mouth open

Photographic evidence of my moms being silly.

I thought maybe the other animals of the Autostraddle Universe might relate, so in the comments you can tell me about the songs your people sing to you. Or you can just learn the songs my people sing, they’re all real bops. I am just a baby so I can’t write a longer intro than this; let’s get into the lyrics!

To the tune of Maniac:

he’s a baby man, baby man
and he’s coooold
and he’s shaking even harder than befooore

To the tune of Cindarelli:

zuzarinni zuzarinni, night and day he’s zuzzarini
lick his weenie, keep it cleanie
he’s a baby! zuzzarinni

To the tune of the Barney theme:

i love you
you’re tiny
let’s go outside and pee pee

To the tune of Just Dance:

just eat
gonna be okay doo doo doo
just eat
can’t wait all day doo doo doo
just eat

To the tune of Doctor Jones:

Dr. Z, Z, calling Dr. Z
Dr. Z, PhD
you’re so cute (YOU’RE SO CUTE)
Dr. Z, Z, you’re just a baby
Dr. Z, PhD
you’re so cute

To no particular tune:

Did ya poop on the floor Mr. Smallman?
Did ya poop on the floor Mr. Smallman?
Yeah, ya pooped on the floor,
Yeah, ya pooped on the floor,
Oh you pooped on the floor Mr. Smallman.

To the tune of Baby Shark:

mr. man doo doo doo doo doo doo
mr. man doo doo doo doo doo doo
mr. man doo doo doo doo doo doo
mr. man

To the tune of The Farmer in the Dell:

the boy’s being weird
the boy’s being weird
hi ho the dairy-o
the boy’s being weird


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Zucchini Arson Friedman

Zucchini Arson Friedman is a perfect anxious tiny chihuahua terrier mix who is probably around six years old but is also a Forever Baby. He actually has an honorary PhD in being a baby (no coursework required) and responds to Dr. Baby, as well as Mister Baby, Mister Small Man, Zuke, Zukkie, Zuzzerini, Zuzie, and ZuZu for short. His favorite activity is snuggling and being a baby, and he’d be happy to spend the rest of his days under a warm fuzzy blanket on the couch or in bed, as long as both of his moms are also on the same piece of furniture with him. He dislikes getting his nail trimmed, putting on clothes, the sound of slapping, when his moms exist in different rooms from him or from each other, and loud noises. He is very soft, very small, and very perfect.

Zucchini has written 1 article for us.

18 Comments

  1. My dog beanie’s theme song is “Beanie and the Jets,” which I think it pretty self explanatory. Both my dogs also appreciate a little ditty called “Man, I feel like a baby” (to the tune of Man I Feel like a Woman by Shania Twain, of course).

  2. Whoever I get with will need to understand that I do this all the time without even having a pet but about random things, and if I had a pet it would be even more often, so the wedding vows should definitely have ‘I promise not to roll my eyes / murder you when you won’t stop making up random songs about random things or the dog’.

  3. This is the most perfect article ever written on a website that already has a lot of good stuff. My own chihuahua/terrier mix (Finch “the Fox Dog” Frida Hoffman) also answers to “Baby Man” and has had to learn to live with / enjoy / endure my singing him random songs… when i first rescued him in October 2020 he HATED all music but most especially 1) opera and 2) my random singing, lol. I’m going to add the pee-song to the tune of Barney to my own rotation, very much a fan of this. Also “just eat” is a very practical and useful one for my own food-avoidant dog. Our heavy rotations include “good morning” from singing in the rain—the lyrics of what we stayed Up the whole Night through doing changes regularly—and to no particular tune at all, “why are you staring at me / why why why / why strange little dog / what are you thinking / why are you staring at meeee.”

  4. to the tune of you are my sunshine:
    you are my baby
    my little baby
    you’re a baby…all the time!
    you’ll never know, shark
    how much i love you!
    cause baby cats are all right

    and also many reclaimed tiktok audios including ‘you’re a stinky baby yeah’

  5. My human Cleo used to sing this to the tune of It’s a Small World After All.

    He’s a small cat, after all
    He’s a small, small cat

    He’s a cat of wonder, he’s a cat with fears
    He once had ear mites in his ears
    He’s a small, small cat

    She doesn’t sing to the plants, she just tells me that I’m growing so big and that my blooms are so pretty.

  6. My son never liked traditional kid music and even as a baby in a crib would respond most to rock and pop.

    His two favorite songs we played over and over again were:

    Kokomo – Beach Boys

    Hit me with your best shot – Pat Benatar

    For years we had to play “Hit Me with Your Best Shot” on infinite loop, loud, in the car while he was in his car seat.

    I can’t argue with his taste in music!! Later in a grade school talent show he sang the Pat Benatar song for his talent.

    GOD I MISS THOSE DAYS!!

  7. My cat Soybean gets Jolene, by Dolly Parton, but instead it’s “Soybean.”

    Also sometimes that LEGO song “everything is awesome,”

    Except it’s “everything is Soybean, everything is soy when you’re part of the bean”

  8. To the tune of Camptown Races, for my cat Turkey:

    Why are you so very cute, Turkey, Turkey?
    I think there’s no substitute for cute little Turkey cat
    Little Turkey cat
    Turkey, how about that?
    You’re little, you’re a turkey, you’re a turkey cat.
    Cute little turkey cat.

  9. My moms have a good original sung to the tune of Batman:

    Tiny Nugs, Tiny Nugs
    da da da da da da da
    Little squat, tiny knees
    Don’t pee on the carpet please
    Look out for Tiny Nugs

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