Shane McCutcheon self-sabotages, Emily Fields co-depends, Cheryl Blossom is scared to commit — and a team of real live functional adult queer women are here to help.

The “Heathers” reboot pilot dropped yesterday and Heather and Riese are here to tell you why it shattered their queer dreams into a million tiny terrible pieces.

“Nothing the show will throw at me will ever doubt my faith in the foundation of their love. NOTHING!! So don’t even try it, Jane the Virgin. This is an official warning.”

I think that it’s a good time to remember that before Kerry Washington’s role in Scandal there hadn’t been a black woman lead in a network television show in nearly four decades. But in the seven years since Scandal aired, there’s been a proliferation.

Wynonna Earp is back and fulfilling all of our WayHaught Vampire Slayer AU fantasies.

With the winter portion of the fifth season firmly behind us, and only a three-episode special summer “goodbye” in our future, I can say confidently that The Fosters is coming back full circle. They have returned their focus to the family, and most importantly, to the best moms on television.

Heather and Riese talk about how much we loved the new ’90s-set teen Netflix comedy “Everything Sucks!” and why you’ll love it too and also we made you a playlist.

Wynonna gets to know her sister’s girlfriend a bit better as her and Haught run around town getting into all kinds of hijinks.

Unlike so many other sitcoms from the ’90s, this one really holds up.

Forget your ridiculous national championships, Natalie’s on a search to crown the best first on-screen kiss.

Plus updates on: Imposters, Into the Badlands, Timeless, Westworld, Grey’s Anatomy, and Coronation Street!

A guide to watching “The L Word” for first-timers, chock-full of L Word trivia for repeat offenders.

The Season Three finale had the one thing Supergirl always did best but has been missing for a while: Hope.

Plus updates on Into the Badlands, Siren, Star, Once Upon a Time, and help figuring out how to watch Vida!

Here’s part two of the first round of QUEER KISSING MARCH MADNESS!

Plus gayness on Once Upon a Time, The Mick, 9-1-1, The Chi, and a rundown of our can’t-miss TV #content from the past two weeks.

This is brave and historic. But it’s played intimate and vulnerable and small and more than anything, normal. Just two people sharing together. Like we have seen straight people do a thousand times.

“Does anyone at the CIA who is for sure reading this want to hire me?”

There were songs and bike races and hot air balloon rides and promises of forever and allusions to some of the most romantic tropes and movies of all times.

2017 somehow turned out to be the best year ever for lesbian and bisexual women on television — but we’ve still got a ways to go.