You’re sipping your too-sweet and too-strong cranberry cocktail and you look behind your shoulders and you see them. They’re leaning against the bar counter, black boots shining, hips tilted, a red bandana hanging out of their right pocket. They have a whiskey and they look in your direction. You can see their eyes registering your face then traveling downwards, their gaze lingering on the red handkerchief folded square and neat in your ripped jeans, in your left back pocket. They saunter over grinning at you and it’s making you smile nervously and expectantly. They get close and tilt their head while asking that sweet, age-old question: “Are you flagging?”
And you’re not entirely sure what they’re talking about. Well, I’m here to help.
What is flagging?
Flagging, or the hanky code, has been around for some time, some say since the gold rush. It became popular in the 1970s when gay men used handkerchiefs in certain pockets to signify sexual acts they were interested in giving/receiving — often in public parks or bathrooms or around the town.
I’m not a history expert and I’m just going to tell you: before you go and stuff a navy handkerchief down your back pocket, you should try to read up on our history a little bit. There are folks who have already written about this and in greater detail and with more theory than I’m able to muster — check out this article on flagging history and this film anthology “combining 25 shorts from different queer directors worldwide, each telling a story based on a color/fetish of the infamous hanky code.” I can’t fully express just how important it is to have nonverbal ways to communicate our sexuality, our gender, our kinks. In a society — especially in the ’70s, but even now — where the sex we want is criminalized or considered more “perverted” than the sex cisgender heterosexuals are engaging in, a handkerchief in the back pocket is a quiet way to show off our sexual deviancy in a world that doesn’t want to see it.
Since the 1970s, the hanky code has been picked up from folks all over the gender spectrum. Some queer people femme flag — using nail color in place of handkerchiefs. It’s still around and very much alive and adopted by all sorts of people, but hopefully never by cis straight people! Leave our handkerchiefs alone, dammit! You already have undercuts and now harnesses; let me keep this.
That being said, some of the acts that are a part of the historic hanky code aren’t great — there’s some that are racist at worst or tokenizing at best, so I think it’s fair to critique the code. I also think it’s possible for something to be good and to be problematic at the same time.
I am all about that life. It’s a way to look around the bar and see who might be up for some NSFW fun. It started as, and in my honest opinion should remain, a cruising tool. This means a way to signify that you’re interested in casual sex or a certain type of sex. I’m not here to police you wearing a handkerchief out as a talking point or because you are trying to signal to your significant other you want a certain type of sex after the bar, but also there’s a reason there isn’t a flag for platonic talking. Or cuddling. Or veganism – as Chingy, a great flagging expert, has talked about. It’s for sex. That’s the point.
How to Flag
Flagging isn’t a way to bypass consent. I feel like that should go without saying but I am saying it anyway!
It’s not hard to flag! Literally take a handkerchief of your color choosing and put it in your pocket! I’ve seen them folded, wrinkled, ironed, I’ve seen them covered in grease and even some that were covered in “love juice” (this is me trying to not say the word come/cum). YDY.
Put the handkerchief in the back right pocket if your interested in receiving/bottoming that sexual act, and left for giving/topping. Some folks will tie a handkerchief around their neck to signify switching/into either receiving or giving the sexual act. It’s that simple!
If someone has a hanky in their pocket, there’s a good chance they are down to talk about it. Use common sense when initiating a conversation. When approaching people with hankies in their pockets, a direct conversation works best. You could just ask, “Are you flagging?” or “Does that purple handkerchief mean what I think it means?” Both get the conversation going, whether or not the person is intentionally flagging.
What Can I Flag?
There really is no limit here; there’s a color for almost any sexual act. Flagging is great because it takes away some of the pressure and intensity of sexual acts, like something doesn’t always have to be BIG and MEANINGFUL or done with a significant other. Not that hookups can’t be big and meaningful sometimes! But also, pee on a stranger. Don’t overthink what feels good. There’s many, many more potential flagging options than these, but here’s some of my favorites to point out and discuss. Even though this code has been around for decades doesn’t mean some of the colors aren’t up for interpretation. Even within the given “meaning” of a certain color, there can still be a fairly wide range of potential activities it can signal — flagging isn’t a replacement for a conversation about what specifically you and another flagging person are or aren’t into doing in that moment, but it can signal that you’re into opening up that conversation in general.
Red is a CLASSIC hanky color! I think what I adore about flagging red is that it takes the pressure off fisting to be something emotional and intense. Fisting can be just as casual as any sexual act. You can fist/be fisted anally or vaginally. Fisting is a gender-neutral act! If you’re scared of anal fisting you don’t need to be! Butts are wild(ly awesome).
This is bondage, usually meaning light bondage — think some rope, a blindfold, ankle cuffs, being held down! Wearing the handkerchief in your right side means tie me down and in your left pocket means let me tie you down.
Black: Heavy S&M
There’s more pain, more intensity than when flagging grey, anything from harder impact play, verbal teasing, spanking, bruising, being held or tied down in a way that’s a level up from just bondage.
Light Pink: Dildo Play
A hanky on the left means you’re the one wearing the toy and a hanky on the right means you’re the one the toy is being used upon. I personally like to flag this for not just dildos but ALL sorts of toys, such as using a vibrator or the Njoy wand during sex.
Dark Pink: Tit Torture
That’s right, the shade of the color also matters when it comes to the hanky code. Dark pink is fun because it means tit torturer/tit torturee. I understand this as anything from pinching and slapping to nipple clamps, nipple suctions, nipple piercing, or knife play on the chest. This is a great hanky to emphasis that even with this code, you need to communicate intentions and expectations.
Green: A Few Things….
I wanted to include green because it means a couple different things all along the line of hustler/looking to buy depending on the variation of green (hunter green, mint, kelly green, etc). Essentially it means Daddy/Looking for a dad/Mommi hunter/looking for a mommy/etc. Regardless, green indicates some sort of transaction, and I feel that unless you’re a sex worker or looking to hire a sex worker for the evening, you should be mindful of wearing this color. Flagging is very much tied to stigmatized/criminalized sex, and that includes sex work/sex workers, and frankly if you don’t respect and understand that then don’t put a hanky in your pocket.
Yellow: Piss Play
Who doesn’t want to get pissed on or piss on a friend in a casual setting!
Orange: Down For Anything
Down. For. Anything. ANYTHING. Why limit yourself! If worn in the left pocket, it symbolizes that you’re willing to lead the scene and worn on the right means you’re down for whatever the other person(s) have in mind.
White Velvet: Voyeur
White velvet is the most luxurious color! This means you could be cruising in a sex club for a show, that you like to watch others engage in sex or pleasure themselves. Worn on the right means you want to put on a show. This can be a fun thing to flag at any sort of orgy setting!
Navy Blue: Penetrator
Ahhhhh lovely and universal navy blue! Simply DTF! Classic giver and receiver in terms of penetration!
Coral: Foot Stuff
Worn as a top, coral means ‘suck my toes,’ a foot top! Worn as a bottom it means ‘let me lick your feet.’ Coral could be interpreted as more than just mouth-on-foot action. Put a toe (or toes) in an orifice!
Beige: Rim Jobs
Beige is rim jobs which like, yes plz, and also a good reason to always carry around dental dams.
Where we flag can mean different things. People flag outside of designated-cruising spaces and in their day-to-day. Queerness doesn’t have any physical traits so we create our own symbols to find each other. Flagging has changed, too; there’s discussions of who was left out of flagging, which kinks and sexualities weren’t included and how to shift it so those who want to participate can. I think this is an incredibly valid discussion to have, but maybe with limits that are mindful of the origin of flagging. When someone wants to flag for friendship should you really be flagging at all?
We’re in a shift, where we no longer have to cruise in parks after midnight and can turn to apps and the internet to help find those that have similar interests. However, I think there’s something enduring and endearing about flagging, about finding each other in the real world.
‘there’s a reason there isn’t a flag for platonic talking. Or cuddling. Or veganism. It’s for sex. That’s the point’
lmao amazing wondrous perfect ♡
technically ‘cuddling’ is TEDDY BEAR BROWN/YELLOW, so it could be flag. But, I see your point about certain colors.
I’ve always wanted to flag…. it has always seemed so Next Level Gay and i was never sure I had reached it. It also doesn’t help that I only own 1 pair of bottoms that even have back pockets and they’re shorts lol
I’ve seen people flag at the bars before and it always makes me really happy, it feels like something that’s just For Us, you know?
How you know if you don’t try it
So, how can I flag in a way that says I am interested in anyone, not men? It’s only cis gbq men(unkempt & ugly looking to boot) that hit on me, including the other day where the dude didn’t get it. This is usually happening on women/lbtq nights. It seems like my pronoun pins, my support trans women pin(I lost a while back), & lipstick aren’t enough. Is there a like a flag color I can mix that indicated trans woman. nonbinary, or better yet abc?
brown and black together symbolize abc
as for anyone but men, a lesbian flag or its colors should give the memo
Hi s thr is a color which is cream n red scarf which should be a floral one it indicates u r looking for trans women n use lot of floral ladies handkerchiefs
Thanks for writing this, Archie. One summer in high school I went to a Girls State camp for a week (and wow the difference between Girls State and Boys State is a whole ‘nother rant) and my “town” (floor of the college dorm) decided we were pirates. One of the girls got her mom to buy light blue bandanas for all of us, don’t ask how bandanas and pirates go together, and I still have mine. I think it’s exactly the same paisley pattern as on the images for this article. I am choosing to reinterpret my past as an entire dorm-floor-full of high school girls flagging for oral sex (at least per https://flaggingopinicusrampant.wordpress.com/hanky-code/) for an entire week.
Also, apologies for thread-jacking, but go read this: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2018/08/28/utah-womans-same-sex-partner-of-50-years-died-then-a-judge-declared-them-legally-married/?utm_term=.e4e58e7d8c5b
Have a good day, everyone!
Oh dear, I’m afraid I’ve been telling people I bottom when I’m actually just left handed so my wallets in the left pocket. Thanks for the reminder!
Although my handkerchief has butterflies on it so who knows what that comes off as. “interested in color commentary” maybe??
Any advice for someone in a wheelchair? I usually just end up tying around my neck but I was wondering if there was a way to sign top or bottom that I don’t know about
hey there! i just popped in here to jump in on this one, because first and foremost: THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS QUESTION.
i think pins and patches on lapel sides could do the trick. but there’s not a ton out there… YET! new york toy collective does sell a really fun hanky code lapel pin (here: https://newyorktoycollective.com/product/top-bottom-switch/ ). other than that, a hanky around the neck, pointed left or right may do the trick, and if it doesn’t fuck with your style or gender feels, flagging with a nail color on your left or right hand (even if you don’t identify as femme) is also an option.
I remembered the existence of this related article (https://www.autostraddle.com/9-lesbian-ways-to-wear-a-bandana-417744/) – looking there, wrist or front pants pocket would both work!
If your chair has push handles why not tie it on there?
maybe a keyring clipped somewhere. Maybe colored tape on the left or right side rim or handle? or a ribbon or cloth tied somewhere out of the way? I’m not sure what would work for sure, but that’s what comes to mind
You can tie it around your upper arm, or there is a way to flag with bootlaces, but you’ll have to talk to a bootblack.
ARCHIE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, THANK YOU FOR WRITING ABOUT THIS
ALSO I’M OBSESSED WITH THE FACT THAT ONE OF MY FAVORITE COLORS CORRESPONDS TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO WITH A SEX/PLAY PARTNER
<3 <3 <3
Now I understand why the cute TSA agent was flirting with me when I took my camp hanky off in the security line at LAX.
Gonna start putting it to good use now.
*buys several bandanas*
“Regardless, green indicates some sort of transaction”
Can you say more about that? I’m curious how you see daddy/mommy stuff as a transaction in a way that the other sex things on might flag for aren’t.
But….femme problems….I have no pockets ?
Get cute denim skirt with back pockets and go for a Western look etc, obscenely tight jeans or pants with a back pocket and Pink Lady them up.
Or like mentioned above flagging with a nail color on your left or right hand, maybe even tying a bandana on wrist and add bangles to girlie it up.
But pretty sure I’d count out Rosie the Riveter style or something in the hair cause there’s a need for a distinct side and all with some of them and one bandana on one pigtail would ehhhh not so great I think.
I love this, Archie! And the attention paid to the reasons we often want a shared language to keep our desires away from a police state.
Flagging is fun, even for folks who aren’t wildly kinky.
“When someone wants to flag for friendship should you really be flagging at all?”
Yes. I live in an area where finding queer community is extremely difficult and being married doesn’t stop me from wanting to be part of the community.
I’m a softball player and like most of my teammates, stick my batting gloves in my back pockets when I don’t need them. So when doing that, I’m apparently flagging for kissing (black and white stripes), one of our pitchers is an SM top who likes to fist other people (black and red gloves, usually just wearing one on her left hand), and our leftfielder is a trans guy (black and purple). The more you know :D
On a side note, do people actually flag with things other than hankies/bandanas? Carrying a teddy bear, a lemon or a toilet roll in your back pocket just seems uncomfortable *shrug*
Archie,bravo! Brevity is not a real strong suit of mine, so hang on. It just so happens that I was in a local bookstore last evening, and noticed on the counter a small pile of pamphlets with your article on flagging. I was born and raised and a redneck Western State where alternate lifestyles, for the most part, are out of sight. I started reading your article, and thought, oh my goodness, it was truly a Moment of clarity. I am a long time bisexual crossdresser, but even longer time kerchief wearer. Just to betray my approximate age, I started wearing kerchiefs around my neck in high school in the 1970s. Being that this is a redneck state, wearing a kerchief was not much to cause concern. Over the years it became a little annoying to my socks that the sock drawer was primarily made up kerchiefs. To this day, that is still the case. In fact, I’m wearing a black biker kerchief around my neck right now. (During this covid-19 crisis, I’ve yet to buy a face mask. And No, I’m not into heavy S&M!) On many occasions over the years I have had to use my neck covering for other purposes, which could render it undesirable to wrap back around my neck. Conveniently, I would stuff it in one of my back pockets, often times letting it dangle. Not until last evening did I know may have been transmitting need for sexual gratification, and with another guy to boot! Got to tell you, that’s an awful long time to be that naive. But now I know why every so often I would endure being called a f***** while trying to enjoy a drink at a local pub. Of the hundreds of kerchiefs I have owned over the years, my favorite, and I still have it, is green and gray. I wear it often. While I do enjoy pretty light bondage activities with creative sex partners, I’m sure as heck not looking to buy it! Appreciate being enlightened! Perhaps you could indulge me a little more: I dont believe I am passable enough (yet!) to go out in public dressed up, at least not in redneck country, what color might work if I am looking to hook up with another cd and his adventurous wife?!!
Apparently lavender is the color for cross dressers and drag queens. https://flaggingopinicusrampant.wordpress.com/hanky-code/
N95 masks or KN95 (found at most hardware and home improvement stores) are excellent in reducing your risk of covid. Even the surgical masks found at most drugstores are better than cloth alone. You can put a bandana on top of them as well, for even better protection. Also works excellently against the flu. Stay safe!
I’m bi, but I’m married to a man and don’t act on being bi anymore since I’m 70. I’ve flagged for years, but for BDSM not sex. Please don’t tell me that I can’t flag anymore. And after I found a bandanna with flames for fireplay. (I also flag black for heavy SM.)