Pretty Little Liars Recap 411: Going Down on the Hoe

Welcome back to Pretty Little Liars, the only real proof that I can maintain a committed, long-term relationship. This week’s episode is brought to you by the red dye I’m currently letting soak in my hair and the sudden realization that there isn’t a single redheaded character on Pretty Little Liars. Am I out of style?

Pretty Little Gingers

Pretty Little Gingers

This episode is also brought to you by the feeling of spilling the cheese packet from your Annie’s Macaroni and Cheese on the floor. Life is so hard.

As you may or definitely don’t remember, last week Emily discovered someone living in a crawl space in the DiLaurentis household. Emily immediately assumed this was the home sweet home of A or Redcoat or the Boogy Man. We already know that because we watch those super creepy scenes at the end of each episode.

This week’s episode features Emily and Paige queering a farm, or at that’s what I was repeatedly promised on Tumblr.


We open on Rosewood High where one very freaked out teen lesbian gushes to Spencer and a middle aged tiger enthusiast all about the mystery crawl space. Cece is still the prime suspect based on the fact that no one likes her very much and it’s just so much easier to gang up on someone than to be creative or think outside the box.

You just cup them like this

You just cup them like this

Fortunately no one seems worried about what sort of intel A might be gathering or traps she might be setting in motion. Nope, everyone’s just really concerned with Emily’s cooch. Well aren’t we all.

She could have said "Emily wears crotchless panties"

She could have said “Emily wears crotchless panties”

What? And ruin all of our hopes and dreams?

What? And ruin all of our hopes and dreams?

Underwear week aside, everyone is real concerned about this whole Cece situation. That is until Hanna rocks up with her typical My Mom is Fucked agenda because, well, her mom is so fucked. Now that Mistress Lawyer Hastings can’t defend Ashley, there’s looking like no hope for her. All of the lawyers in town are either not good enough or threatened by Hanna’s power blazer.

Just remembered she left kegal balls in

Just remembered she left kegel balls in

Just then, Badass Lezzie Detective shows up to play her favorite game: interviewing minors without their parents’ consent. Actually, Emily’s 18 now. Hawt.

Who here can tell me where to buy vaginal douche?

Who here can tell me where to buy scented vaginal douche?

Regardless she’s probably not allowed to confront students on school property like this. But we all know Rosewood High has as few rules as it does locks on the doors. Oh well.

That's, like, really bad for your vaginal health

That’s, like, really bad for your vaginal health

Badass Lezzie Detective tells Emily that they found a muddy high-heel shoe at the wreckage of her house. No one is happy.

Or anyone's munch for that matter

Or anyone’s munch for that matter

Hanna, upon hearing this terrible news, storms off to go start the revolution or maybe just to go cry in a corner. I find they’re often the same thing. The other Liars catch up with her and the girls hatch a plan. They figure Badass Lezzie Detective needs a push in the Cece direction. So where to go for incriminating evidence? Duh! The crawl space!

If I can wear a door knocker as an earring than we can solve this mystery

If I can wear a door knocker as an earring then we can solve this mystery

The girls decide the perfect distraction for Jessica DiLaurentis is for her to take Hanna shopping. Why would Hanna need a parent to help her shop?! Because tonight is the big Hoedown dance! That’s right, Hoedown! Let’s say it one more time: Hoedown!

I hope it’s just like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhTbh78Y3m4

The Liars part ways and Hanna takes a moment to cry by the vending machines. Like I said, starting the revolution.

Alex Vaus might not be coming back to Orange is the New Black!?

Alex Vause might not be coming back to Orange is the New Black!?

While she does some guys with a buzzcut stares at her. It’s creepy.

And not a day over 35

And looking not a day over 35

Elsewhere Emily hides out in a classroom printing something out. For those of you who who might actually be attending high school right now, that’s what we used to do before everything was just on our iPhones.

It appears to be some sort of vintage version of an iPad

It appears to be some sort of vintage version of an iPad

Paige walks by, just getting in from her part-time job as a mail carrier, and wants to chat. She’s like, “Hey are we together because I know things have been weird but I’d really like to continue fucking your face.” She also asks if they’re still on for the dance, but the way you do when you know someone’s been avoiding you. So you’re like, “Oh do you want to do that thing or not at all because I never wanted to do it anyways it was a stupid idea.”

Just wondering if you wanted to catch up later and help me deliver the express mail.

I just want to show you my package

Paige wants to go to the Hoedown Throwdown. Emily acts like Danny from Grease. Not beginning of the musical Danny or end of the musical Danny when he’s all in love with Sandy, but evasive middle of the musical Danny.

Crap I completely forgot I had a girlfriend on this show

Completely forgot she had a girlfriend on this show

Paige sees Emily’s paper and immediately IDs it as a recommendation letter from Zoe the Habitat For Humanity Trip Leader.

Re: her package

Re: her package

It’s super flattering and Paige is super insecure so she immediately start in on how Zoe is so totally in love with Emily. I get that Rosewood is the land of age inappropriate relationships, but Zoe looked about 25 to me. I’m 25 and I would never ever ever hook up with a high school student. Like ever.

Those are called "straight weddings"

Those are called “straight weddings”

Out in the courtyard, Sensei Hot Stuff tracks down Aria after school. See, he thought that when you have a perfectly lovely evening of street burritos that means you’re in a relationship. Or at least a fling. Or at least follow up coffee.

I had this really great idea for something new we could do with bananas...

I had this really great idea for something new we could do with bananas…

Sad sad sad silly silly monkey.

Aria has a million made up things to do that afternoon, so she invites Sensei to the Hoedown Throwdown. He says yes which is confusing for Aria since she’s never been with a guy who she could been seen in public with, and confusing for me since everyone knows grown ass monkeys never want to go to a high school dance.

Nothing as long as you use tons of lube

Nothing as long as you use tons of lube

Inside, in his class of language and despair, sad-sack Ezra hangs his head and sits like he forgot to DVR Breaking Amish. Remember, he just “lost” his “son.” Emily walks in because they’re bffs and also because Ezra’s helping her with her college apps.

Is this sort of like the time I lost the last DVD of Season Two of The L Word?

Is this sort of like the time I lost the last DVD of Season Two of The L Word?

Paige’s comment must have snuck its way into Emily’s head, because now Emily’s all concerned that the recommendation is “too good.” Ezra freaks out at Emily about it, because his problems are the worst problems.

PLL411-00120

Like some people don’t have homes. Because someone drove a car into it.

Ezra is being a curmudgeon. FYI Ezra, your problems are not the worst problems either.

Like real death. Not just dyeing their hair.

Like real death. Not just dying their hair.

He also lets it slip that Maggie Mac is moving Malcolm, but he tells Emily not to tell Aria. Nothing like a secret to get the episode started off right!

Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?

Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?

In the halls, Caleb rolls up all smiles. He just learned that Hannah Hart is going to A-Camp and now he’s totes going too! She’s his second favorite Hanna. But like way second because his girlfriend is the most important thing to him, now and for forever.

Do you think Hannah Hart will sign my My Drunk Kitchen apron?

Do you think Hannah Hart will sign my My Drunk Kitchen apron?

Caleb is so psyched for the Hoedown Throwdown. Even though Hanna isn’t sure how she feels about plaid, she wonders if it’s too much of a stereotype that Caleb fucking loves plaid and really needs this excuse to show off his collection. Also Caleb only cares about Hanna and her happiness and he thinks this will cheer her up. So they’re going.

Since when don't you like wearing plaid to subvert the patriarchal idea that women shouldn't do manual labor?

Since when don’t you like wearing plaid to subvert the patriarchal idea that women shouldn’t do manual labor?

Caleb walks away. Then someone leaves a shitton of cash in Hanna’s locker. Possibly Buzzcut.

Because who ever met a problem you couldn't solve with money?

Because who ever met a problem you couldn’t solve with money?


Across town news of Hanna’s new monetary gains has made its way to Spencer. Spencer can smell money a mile away. She thinks it’s from Cece because apparently the envelope was from Cece’s store or something.

If you don't share my love of money this relationship is not going to work out.

If you don’t share my love of money this relationship is not going to work out.

TobAy doesn’t give a shit about Hanna or her money or Cece. Seriously he basically tells Spencer to shut up and stop asking questions.

Like with a girl

Like with a girl

While Spencer’s busy freaking out about the money and Ashley Marin, TobAy realizes that there’s music playing from the car. Stop the motherfucking presses it’s a CD of his mom singing. From A. Just kidding, I don’t give a crap about this plot line. Sorry.

I just have so many feelings

I just have so many feelings

TobAy flips out and wants to go see his mother’s old doctor, Dr. Palmer, again. He asks Spencer to derail all her plans with the other Liars for that evening and then throws a tantrum. I hate him.

Just realized she's dating a caveman

Just realized she’s dating a caveman

Also, just in case you’ve ever been unclear as to why Caleb is a lesbian but TobAy is a fucking cro-magnon, I’ll clarify. It’s because while Caleb spends all of his time obsessing over Hanna to the point of self-destruction, TobAy really only cares about himself. Also because Caleb really does love plaid.


At the Life Cafe Hanna grabs a latte just in time to see buzzcut walk in. She tells him to stop stalking her. Clearly he gave her the money and is actually Pastor Ted’s long lost son or something.

Are you the guy who played Thor?

Are you the guy who played Elliot on Gossip Girl?


Elsewhere Emily and Aria scan the crawlspace. The two only find a button before Spencer shows up to join the group the save the day. As soon as she does they hear footsteps upstairs. But who could it be? Jessica DiLaurentis is off with Hanna.

And the best tits

And the best tits

They peer through the holes in the ceiling but as they do someone starts to send knitting needles down the holes! It was fucking scary. I freaked out.

This is not what I meant by Yarn Bombing

This is not what I meant by Yarn Bombing

Timejump to later in the afternoon where Hanna has finally returned from shopping and the Liars gather at Spencer’s. The Liar relay the knitting needles of death to Hanna. She thinks this would be a great way to trap A. Emily thinks this would be a great time to move the fuck out.

I thought you'd never ask.

I thought you’d never ask.

Spencer’s not so sure about Emily staying over though. She might need to tend to TobAy’s every need tonight. Remember now, the Liars don’t know about TobAy’s mom situation so Spencer can’t tell them what the heck is going on. She tries to be evasive but since the Liars are professionals and trying to cover things up they know all the signs.

Because if you're not using birth control, you're trying.

Because if you’re not using birth control, you’re trying.

Spencer, like anyone who’s being completely controlled by their partner, is hesitant to explain her situation and risk losing TobAy. With a little coaxing though the Liars convince Spencer that their friendships are more important than their relationships. Unfortunately that stops being true when you’re like 25 but don’t tell Aria.

The realest moment of TV

The realest moment of TV

Anyways Spencer doesn’t want to take this shit from her friends anymore so she spills the beans on TobAy’s mommy situation. So much for that secret.

Oh don't give me that look. You guys kept Noel Kahn on this show for ages

Oh don’t give me that look. You guys kept Noel Kahn on this show for ages


The Longest Day Ever continues with Aria back over at the Life Cafe. She runs into Ezra whose beard has somehow grown a weeks-worth in the past three hours. Ezra tries to talk to Aria about getting together but she’s so moved on. I think? Honestly I just hope she has.

blah blah quote

Crazy Eyes

Mid-conversation Sensei Hot Stuff shows up, but is shockingly calm about another man talking to his banana. Perhaps he doesn’t understand human speech or, perhaps the way all monkeys look the same to us, all humans look the same to him and he had no idea Aria was even speaking to her ex-boyfriend.

It's a pleasure to meet a fellow member of Sleeps With Teen Girls Club

It’s a pleasure to meet a fellow member of Sleeps With Teen Girls Club

Sensei Hot Stuff brings Aria a present — a pair of boots. Now that’s a present. They have the most adorable Cinderella moment ever. I take back every monkey thing I ever said about this monkey man and his monkey facial expressions. I’m on team Sensei.

Little does Aria know this is all just part of Sensei Hot Stuff's foot fetish.

Little does Aria know this is all just part of Sensei Hot Stuff’s foot fetish.

Over at the DiLaurentis’s, in Alison’s room, Emily packs her things to GTFO. Spencer helps by clearing out the bathroom and, while she’s gone, Emily gets a text from Paige.

Clingy much?

Clingy much?

It’s like, “Wah haven’t heard from you about the plans we made but that’s cool nbd I didn’t want to go anyways lol okay let me know when you want to hang out again or whatever!” I have sent many texts like that.

lol jk brb

lol jk brb

Maybe I’m alone on this, but I think that if you’re seriously dating someone and you have tentative plans for the evening that gives you the right to call their phone off the hook until they give you a solid answer. Then again I’m certifiably a crazy person.

Emily see’s Alison’s nail polish and triggers herself a nice little pastel flash back. FYI there is major lesbian subtext here.

Let's have a tickle fight!

Let’s have a tickle fight!

Emily sits on the bed as Alison polishes her toe nails. Ali tells Emily she should break up with Ben. That she doesn’t really like him and that he’s just what was left over. Like the mush squash at the end of the buffet. If you don’t take what you want that’s what you get: mushy squash. Harsh.

And then you just stick your tongue inside! It's totally easy. Let's practice.

And then you just stick your finger inside! It’s totally easy. Let’s practice.

Ali offers to break up with Ben for Emily, bragging that she’s done it for other people before. She tells Emily that she broke up with a boy for some bitch before and the guy pulled a gun on her. You’d think Emily would have remembered a story involving Alison and a gun a bit sooner.

Yup like that.

Yup like that.

Spencer comes back in the room and Emily tells her the pieces she’s put together. She postulates that Cece was hooking up with Wilden and that she had Alison break up with him. Maybe Cece was dating Jason and Wilden at the same time.

Because saying "please leave me alone" never works.

Because saying “please leave me alone” never works.

With Emily finally putting some pieces together, we’re treated to a shot of where Cece is. She’s not in Rosewood.

Did you get me the Tegan and Sara tickets or not? I won't miss them again.

Did you get me the Tegan and Sara tickets or not? I won’t miss them again.

She’s in a hotel room filled with pictures of Alison.

Girls of Rosewood desk calendar 2013

Girls of Rosewood desk calendar 2013

With a Red Coat.

Because purple is so last season

Because purple is so last season


We cut to the Hoedown Throwdown where the kids of Rosewood are enjoying their perfectly choreographed square dance.

Still no Miley Cyrus movie

Still no Miley Cyrus movie

Caleb and Hanna enter, and Caleb some how missed this perfect opportunity to wear plaid! Don’t worry, he went for another favorite lesbian accessory: the bolero tie.

Hey babe I already see three other lesbian couples we know!

Hey babe I already see three other lesbian couples we know!

Caleb goes to get the two some punch when Buzzcut walks up to Hanna. To no one’s surprise he tells her that he put the money in her locker.

I'm gonna let Caleb finish, but Lucas had one of the best creepy stares in this whole show's history.

I’m gonna let Caleb finish, but Lucas had one of the best creepy stares in this whole show’s history.

Turns out Buzzcut was the one who towed Wilden’s car out of the lake. He saw Ashley talking to Wilden and also saw her leave. He even heard gunshots after she’d left the scene and saw someone running through the woods.

But can I ask you where you got your hat? It's like mine but better

But can I ask you where you got your hat? It’s like mine but better

Caleb comes back with the punch and couldn’t be more displeased that anyone else is talking to his life partner. Still, Hanna makes up an excuse and goes off to dance with Buzzcut so they can talk more.

Uh. He's a vet Caleb. He's going to help us adopt another cat.

Uh. He’s a vet Caleb. He’s going to help us adopt another cat.

Buzzcut explained that he didn’t speak up before because there was bad blood between Wilden and his father. He was scared he or his father would look guilty. He goes on to explain that he was so shook up that he went home without his tow truck. Later in the day someone dropped the truck off at his shop with money on the seat. The money he later gave to Hanna.

Plus, you know I was pretty scared of lesbians. That dyke Caleb looks like a real man hater.

Plus, you know I was pretty scared of lesbians. That dyke Caleb looks like a real man hater.

Shit We Learned This Episode

1. Cece has a red coat
2. Ashley didn’t kill Wilden

Across the room Aria and Sensei Hot Stuff grab drinks just as Spencer, TobAy and Emily show up. Emily looks hot. And gay. And hot. And so hot.

You know you want this. Minus Toby.

You know you want this. Minus Toby.

She sees Paige across the room also looking hot. And gay. And hot. And so hot. There’s a lot of that going around.

Hahaha it is so funny how some girls want to fuck Tegan and some want to fuck Sara!

Hahaha it is so funny how some girls want to fuck Tegan and some want to fuck Sara! Is that a top/bottom thing?

Unfortunately Emily didn’t arrange to go with Paige. She just left her hanging. I’m sad. That’s not the way you treat people you love.

Palming. Fisting's lesser known cousin.

Palming. Fisting’s lesser known cousin.

We’re then treated to a completely out of place choreographed dance sequence staring Lucy Hale. According to ABC Family we’re all supposed to tweet #moveslikearia. I won’t be doing that until there’s a sex scene.

I can this one "The Hoe Slap"

I can this one the “crappy slappy”

Plus it’s no A Cinderella Story: Once Upon a Song.

After their dance, Sensei Hot Stuff tracks down Ezra at the bar and basically tells him to move the fuck on.

Is that a cherry coke? I specifically asked for a diety cherry coke!

Is that a cherry coke? I specifically asked for a diety cherry coke!

On the dance floor TobAy tells Spencer that he got another text from A. This time it’s the address of Dr. Palmer’s car. While trying to convince TobAy not to go after the car, Spencer lets it slip that she told her friends about TobAy’s mother. He freaks out and storms off. Angry men really scare me and sad Troian Bellisario makes me sad.

And this is my impersonation of a woolly mammoth!

And this is my impersonation of a woolly mammoth!

Despite the fact that TobAy’s off his rocker and just yelled at her, Spencer is super worried. She tracks down Caleb and convinces him to follow TobAy’s car.

You get food when you bring back my man meat.

You get food when you bring back my man meat.

Meanwhile Emily looks awkwardly at Paige from across the room some more. Paige has got mad biddies with her and she and Emily haven’t even spoken yet.

This is funnier than when  Ilene Chaiken kept trying to make Betty happen!

This is funnier than when Ilene Chaiken kept trying to make Betty happen!

Okay. Wait. Why didn’t Emily show up and act like it was all a big surprise for Paige? Or at the very least show up and be like “I wasn’t going to come but then I realized how important it was to you so I just came at the last minute.” Why show up and stand awkwardly off to the side?

This never happens to Santana.

This never happens to Santana.

Aria approaches Emily and the two talk for a minute. Emily, probably just upset about her own relationship or something, lets the beans spill about Malcolm moving. This is not going to be good for team Sensei.

Babies? Ew.

Babies? Ew.

Aria runs off to talk to Ezra. She tells him she would have immediately come running if she’d known what was going on. Ezra is either totally passive aggressive or totally understands what a break up is for the first time ever. I wouldn’t know, I’m a lesbian.

Said no lesbian ever.

Said no lesbian ever.

Hanna, apparently having run off to the local tow shop, tracks down Buzzcut and pleads with him once more. Basically she tells him to do the right thing and he’s like “kay maybe.”

Well can you at least get me a deal on gas? It's, like, so expensive right now.

Well can you at least get me a deal on gas? It’s, like, so expensive right now.


Back at the dance, Emily sees Red Coat up in the balcony. She tracks down Spencer and the two of them chase after Red Coat. This involves stealing a hay truck.

Why are you massaging your gspot at a time like this?!

Why are you massaging your gspot at a time like this?!

You just ejaculated all over the car!

You just ejaculated all over the car!

Unfortunately Spencer can’t drive standard. Neither can I. I feel her. Just then, Spencer sees something in her review mirror! A red coat in the hay!

Yup. I'm wearing crotchless panties.

Yup. I’m wearing crotchless panties.

She and Emily jump out of the car and grab a hoe. Like the tool I mean. They stab it into the hay over and over again only to find that the red coat is just a red coat. No person.

Damn it. Those articles of clothing are always attacking us!

Damn it. Those articles of clothing are always attacking us!


Across town Caleb finds TobAy attempting to break into a car. Caleb stops him and, like many conversations between lesbians and straight cavemen, explains to him that he needs to be a good boyfriend and a decent person. TobAy is confused.

Have you ever considered not being the worst?

Have you ever considered not being the worst?

Of course then the police show up because obviously this is a set up. TobAy and Caleb flee.

Speaking of police, Buzzcut calls Badass Lezzie Detective and gives her his whole statement about the gunshots going off after Ashley left.

But does this statement come with a free lube job?

But does this statement come with a free lube job?

With the trouble over, Emily finally goes up to Paige. She tells her, “I don’t want to end up with mushy squash.” It seems like she means that Paige is mushy squash and that she’s dumping her, but then it’s clarified that she means that she’ll end up with mushy squash if she doesn’t take what she wants. And what she wants is Paige.

I just want us to fingerbang forever.

I just want us to fingerbang forever.

I’m confused. This is like a pre-dating conversation. So this means Emily ignored her girlfriend all night because… she doesn’t want to end up with someone else. Is Emily making girlfriend drama out of nothing? That would be the most lesbian thing ever.

Because you're trying to sound like Jenny Schecter

Because you sound like Kyomi on The Real L Word.

So the two decide to have a cute dance. Okay but like, they’re already girlfriends. Dancing is like not a big deal?

Position #45 Honey Hun Buns

Position #45 Honey Buns

Are they back together? Did they break up in the first place? Are they medium?

Position #67: The Flying Camel

Position #67: The Flying Camel

Also they dance in the spooning position which is really cute except it sort of puts them apart from the straight couples in a weird way.

Position #84: Double Octopus  (you can't see what their legs are doing)

Position #84: Double Octopus
(you can’t see what their legs are doing)


Later, after the dance and the surrounding drama has calmed down, Aria shows up at Ezra’s house. She just sits there all patient style. Here’s a pro tip: don’t use your ex as your support system. Don’t allow yourself to be your ex’s support system. It’s just not healthy.

Alright tell me your stupid story already.

Alright tell me your stupid story already.

Outside the door someone with long blonde hair and a black hoodie presses her ear against the door. It’s Cece! I guess she really is A. Or maybe Red Coat. Or maybe both. And that’s how she get’s her intel. Not through top secret cameras and tape recorders, but by just pressing her ear against doors and looking through key holes.

If only she had a glass to stick against the door.

If only she had a glass to hold against the door.

In the final creepy scene that always gives me nightmares but I watch it anyways, A knits a sweater. Then she lines up dolls of the Liars and Mona and stabs one with a knitting needle.

The new American Girl Dolls Collection: Liars Editon

The new American Girl Dolls Collection: Liars Editon

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Lizz

Lizz is a consumer, lover and writer of all things pop culture and the Fashion/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also full time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.

Lizz has written 261 articles for us.

19 Comments

  1. “Is Emily making girlfriend drama out of nothing? That would be the most lesbian thing ever.” that is so f****** funny because it can’t be any more true!

    i don’t know how to process my feeling yet. i’m not yet sober from the hoe down scenes. i was hypnotized by lindsey’s abdominals the whole time that i forgot shay was showing off her white bra.

  2. Is it just me or does Buzzcut look like Wilden? Not that I clearly recall what Wilden looks like, but I’ve decided there’s bad blood between Wilden and Buzzcut’s father because Buzzcut’s father is in fact Wilden’s father.

    I feel that I am better at PLL theories now that I’ve quit watching the show in favor of reading these recaps.

    • All the men on this show look alike because the casting calls were probably all for ‘mysterious/vacant looking hunk who could be on the cover of a Young Adult novel and may or may not actually be 30; must have abs that can cut glass’. Sensei Jake looks just like Garrett too.

  3. Although at first glace it looks like a mail carrier uniform, Paige is actually wearing a Boy Scouts of America shirt in that computer lab scene. It was the only time this episode I had to press pause to get a closer look at something.

  4. If Ezria happens again I will lose it. The end of that relationship was the best thing to happen to Aria. I would watch 1000 hours of the Toby’s mother b.s. before I would tolerate another minute of that coupling. It would be cruel to tease us with the possibility that Ezria is over only to throw it in our faces.

  5. OMG LOL @ the captions especially the ones where Emily & Spencer are in the truck!! LMAO!! And that Realest Moment of TV?? Perfect!! :-D

    Nice recap Doc Lizz! ^_^

    *Also I reaallly hope we learn MORE in this coming Summer finale (?) episode! I love PLL (eerrr Emily) but I can’t deal with any other additional characters and/or unrelated stories that are obvs just added to confuse us all. #justsaying

  6. My favorite part of this episode has to be when the camera panned to Caleb and he had two plates overflowing with nothing but fried chicken, and then Spencer just rolled in and took it away from him. Like, ripped from his hands as he was about to shove it all in his mouth.

    It’s how I feel when we finally get an Emily/Paige scene and then they cut to Aria and Ezra.

    But, great recap, as always. :)

  7. Captain’s Log:

    It’s day 6,458. My crush on Troian grows stronger by the day. Wait, are those overalls? Make that by the minute.

    Also, some mysterious killer stabbing a spear randomly through the holes above you while you’re trapped in a crawl space is probably my greatest fear that I didn’t even know I had actualized. Thanks for that, Marlene King.

    Also also, Toby says he got a text from Hannah’s mom. Can you text from prison?

  8. So, I only read these recaps, I don’t actually watch the show, and it is possible that that I would not have this question if I actually did watch it… but maybe you guys can help me out.

    Do y’all remember when Spencer and Emily went to that sorority party and there was a photo of a creepy sorority mother with a tribal mask and a weird room with a phone that rang the tune of Alison’s parrot’s song… did was that whole situation ever explained? Are we waiting for it to be explained? I am very curious.

    Thank you!

    • A lot of events go unexplained. Remember the time Jenna was found unconscious in a lake at Emily’s birthday party? Maybe I missed it, but it was never mentioned again. I guess the writers have bigger fish to fry…like the creepy house mother lead, the never-ending ode of CeCe, the Marin murder case, Toby’s possibly murdered mother, Wren’s shenanigans(he’s apparently the only mental health professional in all of Rosewood), and the list goes on. There’s a lot of loose ends this season. I’ll keep on watching, of course.

  9. That was a good point about Cece – she’s far too rubbish and low-tech in her spying to be A/Red Coat.

    I don’t think Emily and Paige themselves knew if they’d broken up or not, that was why they were so awkward around each other. It was sweet.

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