Pretty Little Liars 206 Recap: Never Letting Go of Lesbian Dreams

This week on Pretty Little Liars, the four liars were seen not only with their hair falling in silky shampoo-commercial-quality waves upon their slender shoulders, but also with their hair shocked upwards, outwards, and really just-about-any-way-wards by three cans of hairspray and a truck of mousse. It was amazing.

pirates of the Caribbean gone wild

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Hanna's got a secret, is gonna keep it

Relevant to absolutely no one’s interests, everybody’s parents are falling back in love or missing each other cross-country or otherwise pining/smiling/blushing around one another while being spied on by their psychotic offspring. Except Spencer’s parents ’cause Lesley Ferargitay wasn’t on payroll this week and her Dad spent most of his screentime fighting on the phone with Mrs D-is-for-Drunk Laurentis about absolutely nothing at all that anybody should be concerned about. No really Spencer it’s nothing I promise. Seriously it’s nothing. Really.

you know what i could use right about now? a lesbian scene

Apparently these romances/phone calls have kept all the parents busy enough to forget about not letting their daughters see each other, per the therapist’s orders. So now they can return to playing Clue until 3am when they should be doing calculus or policing their deadbeat/high-strung now-neglected siblings.

god i hate wearing wedges

Hanna remains in denial that her and Caleb are back on the wagon of love until the end when shit hits the fan and he’s still there ready for tonsil hockey, which means now Mona’s the one in denial as her ever-burning love for Hanna’s mystically perfectly symmetrical face and impeccable eye makeup surely will never fade. Sidenote, Mona’s super cute and Alpha this episode, walking around like Miranda Preistly and Andrea Zuckerman’s adopted daughter with her Clipboard and her Important Duties.

Ian Harding was probably in Nevis with Lesley Ferargitay this week, which I believe marks the first Ezra-free episode of the season/show. This gave Aria extra time to develop sexual tension with Jason DiLaurentis, interrogate/offend him and then sort of reuinte with him, albeit silently and sexual-tensiony. Fun fact: Ian Harding (Ezra) and Drew Van Ackers (Jason) and the guy who plays Caleb are all 25 IRL.

the "wallpaper" is for your desktop, aria, not the laptop-top

Spencer and Toby’s romance continues to blossom ’cause he knows how to handle her shit, even if he does talk like a werewolf.

spencer's ears are an erogenous zone

NOW FOR THE LESBIAN PARTS!

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We open on somebody’s bed, where the pretty little maniacs are sitting around talking about murder and A because last week A went all multi-media on their asses with this screen-projection deal at the graveyard. If you missed the episode, you can catch “Allison DiLaurentis Didn’t Die” at the 2012 Whitney Biennial.

Anyhow, the takeaway from that bit of macabre performance art is: the video of Allison’s last moments (spent, unfortunately for everyone, with IAN) didn’t end where their cut of it ended. In the Director’s Cut of this suspenseful Blair Witchy film, Allison doesn’t get killed. She gets up and walks away.

So back to the bedroom where they’re folding pamphlets for one of those Fashion Show events schools always throw on television but never ever in real life.

just put your hand on the ouja board, aria, and we can make river phoenix come back to life

There was this person I once dated for a significant amount of time who used to say, “I feel mushy,” when she felt like she had a lot of feelings and wanted to cuddle and feel romantic without irony. This episode Spencer is in full-on mushy-mode ’cause of her sweet burning manhulk love. It’s cute.

we've come such a long way from when we all *secretly* had boyfriends slash girlfriends at the same time

Does that mean Emily’s officially dating Samara now?

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Next lesbian scene takes place in Emily’s room where Mom’s lurking in the hallway talking to her husband about how much she misses his big man body in her bed. Emily needs to ask him something about a paper, apparently, and as Emily chats with Dad, Pam stares at Emily’s bed like there’s a suspicious email or a dead baby there.

well sure sometimes we scissor, but usually we just bump and grind

Pam: “I just miss him.”
Emily: “You were just in Texas three days ago.”
Pam: “I know.”
Emily: “What if you stayed a little longer next time?”

i could have so many fun parties! and you could eat ribs every day!

Emily points out that she can pack her own lunch and has a lot of homework so it wouldn’t really matter if Pam just skipped town altogether.

Emily: “I could stay with a friend and then join you and Dad in June.”
Pam: “I’ll think about it.”

This plan has serious potential.

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Emily’s next scene takes place at The Restaurant, where Mrs. D-is-for-DrunkLaurentis has invited the girls out to lunch to avoid drinking alone. Oh also she has presents for them. From Allison! It’s dresses Ally made for them! How totally weird!

who else thought there'd be machetes in the boxes

We flash back to Allison’s Dirty Boudoir — apparently Allison got really excited at Jo-Ann Fabrics and made brand new gowns for everyone at some point in the past. I love how every flashback scene now involves a traditional “Straight Best Friend Who Knows You’re In Love With Her and Wants to Keep Your Attention For Her Own Ego” Allison/Emily moment.

Like this one:

uhh yeah except for that "glamour don't" bra strap situation

but would be prettier in a sexual situation

Hanna’s like, “we can’t just march around in her clothes, it’s freaky and weird.” You know what else is weird? How Paige disappeared.  You know what makes perfect sense? Emily’s affinity for baseball shirts:

that's when aria noticed the dead bear at the head of the table with a message on it from A

Allison’s Mom wants the girls to wear the dresses in the fashion show as a tribute to Allison. There will also be photographs projected on walls, which we all know is A’s bag and therefore problematic.

Also, Spencer, always summing up every feeling I’ve ever had in my life with one pouty mouth:

i'm 75% sure i left the curling iron on, i hope nothing burns down

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Next up we’ve got Samara in Emily’s room watching her dress and undress. Apparently Samara’s like a tailor now.

why do you smell so good? can i feed on you?

At first I panicked that Samara’s wearing a vest, a scoop-necked tank top, ANOTHER TANK TOP with unnecessary buttons and a gratuitous pocket and a TIE, but was relieved to see that giant abyss around her neck is a necklace, not a tie.

hm, sigh, if only i had a personality

Samara eyes Emily as she undresses and is overall flirty in an encouraging way. Still though, there’s no real spark there, and I wish this show gave more screen time to Emily’s feelings because really, I have no idea how she feels, ever, maybe because she’s spent her whole life covering shit up. I do know that Emily really wants to be loved and have a pretty girl who wants to hold her hand in the hallway, and maybe that girl was Maya, and maybe Maya went to Casa by the Sea and never came back.

come into the closet for just one second i promise it'll be worth it

Emily wants Samara to go to the fashion show but Samara has “plans” with someone else. Sounds like date-y plans, but Emily says, “Bring your friend, I have an extra ticket.”

i hope i'm right about emily being a bottom

I was 75% convinced that Samara’s friend was gonna be Paige. It’s not. Just so you know.

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Riese

Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2946 articles for us.

34 Comments

  1. This was epic – I LOLed at work at all your captions and rollovers.

    Save all the comments I’ll make on all the crazy fashion, I have to say Hannah’s turning into my favourite. Her deadpanned cynicism is very awesome to see on a teen-show because most teen-characters have the personality of pudding. Or Samara, which is only minorily up the evolutionary chain.

  2. Hanna is so completely my favorite. (Sorry, Ems.) Her deadpan comedy is spot on and she is a BAMF.

    Speaking of ass… can we take a moment to appreciate Shay Mitchell’s curves? Damn girl.

  3. I agree with everyone that Hannah has been the MVP of the past few episodes, especially when she had that insane moment at the therapist a few episodes ago, A+. That being said, come on guys, Spencer is the obvious winner here. And she’s probably the only one that wouldn’t make me want to claw my eyes out in real life.

    I was into the Emily thing for the sheer novelty of it at first but she’s just so dull.

  4. So funny that you put
    “i hope i’m right about emily being a bottom”
    as the caption for that photo of Samara because during this scene I suddenly thought – Emily and Samara are both bottoms. Then I thought Maya, Paige and Allison were tops. Emily needs to dump Samara and find one of her lost exs. The end.

  5. “Oh ew, I hate it when that happens. You know when you say you want to ‘take it slow’ ’cause you basically want to be able to say all of your feelings all the time without it having to “mean” anything and you mostly say it out of self-protection but then she actually takes it, runs with it, and brings another girl home with it? And then you’re trapped: either fess up that you’ve fallen for a stranger essentially by default or go with the flow of the river you voluntarily dived into.”

    happens to me all the timeeeeee.

    at least i fixed it this time :)

  6. I hate to bring it up, but where is the screenshot of Shay Mitchell’s callipygian asset? ‘Cause….wow. A friend used the word agog to describe me watching that scene.

    I think Emily seems bland sometimes because she’s always been trying to be the nice girl, the “good girl”. Another recap mentioned that it’s always the quiet ones that got game.

    IIRC, the parents and the therapist gave up on the idea of separating the PLLs, decided it would be better for them to be together and support one another.

    I have grown to love Hannah. At first, I got her confused with Allison. Then I sympathised with her about “hefty Hannah” and the cupcake cruelty, also with being forced to send that invite to Aria’s mom. Now I love her humor and her snark and I appreciate how very pretty she is.

    Emily living with Hannah FTW!

  7. Who is the actress that plays Quinn? I only ask because I think I’ve seen her in something else.

    Okay, I lied. She’s super hot and I want to add her to my celebrity crush list.

  8. re-reading after watching the ep.
    haha, loved it round 2

    Where do all the lesbians in this show go when their plot lines are up? actually where do any of the female characters go? (glasses girl etc.)

    Are they all on an island somewhere?

  9. ‘Sadaam Husseiny’ … LOL I almost chocked on my ‘Buttermilch’, luckily didn’t make much mess, buuut did earn several worried glances from my colleagues, obvious sign that I should get back to programming :D and no more recaps during lunch breaks >:D

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