Playlist: The Worst Sex Playlist Of All Time

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As you’ve maybe figured out by now, sex is sort of hilarious. You’re both naked with all your meat and cheese out there in the open air, you’re rolling around pawing at each other like animals on a bed or smashed into a bar bathroom or precariously threatening the composure of your sofa cushions. You’re sweating, sticking your fingers and/or brightly colored toys into each other’s holes, your hair is fucked up, liquid is pouring out of you — it’s quite a scene, really. IT’S HILARIOUS.

This playlist didn’t want to be hilarious, it just became that way. This it the playlist you listen to while having sex with your activity partner(s) to figure out if you’re really in love or not. It’s the ultimate Lesbian Sex Challenge! Go forth and prosper… and please share any embarrassing sex song stories in the comments.

https://play.spotify.com/user/autostraddle/playlist/0xqER4y8Ye0MXP1T8QVB4w

I’ll Make Love To You – Boyz II Men
Hungry Like The Wolf– Duran Duran
Burn – Usher
Pony – Ginuwine
I’m a Slave 4 U – Britney Spears
I Swear – All-4-One
Smooth Operator – Sade
Peaches & Cream – 112
I Want Your Sex – George Michael
Kiss From A Rose – Seal
Sugar Walls – Sheena Easton
Sex On Fire – Kings of Leon
Let’s Talk About Sex – Salt-n-Peppa
Untitled (How Does It Feel) – D’Angelo
Too Close – Next
Eye of the Tiger – Survivor
Sexy Can I feat. Yung Berg – Ray J
Bump N’ Grind – R Kelly
All I Wanna Do Is Make Love to You – Heart
Let’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye
Do Ya Think I’m Sexy – Paris Hilton
Birthday Sex – Jeremih
Truly Madly Deeply – Savage Garden
I Wanna Be Your Lover, by Prince
My Neck, My Back (Lick It) – Kelly Mantle
Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover – Sophie B. Hawkins
Your Body Is a Wonderland – John Mayer
Grind With Me (Explicit Version) – Pretty Ricky
Freak Me – Silk
My Humps – The Black-Eyed Peas
Le Freak – Chic
Push It – Salt-n-Peppa
I Wanna Sex You Up – Color Me Badd
2 Become 1 – The Spice Girls

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Riese

Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3181 articles for us.

76 Comments

  1. This heavily vintage list is bringing back awkward memories of listening to CD’s for sex music because MP3s were not a thing yet. And that terrible moment when your Ani or Etheridge CD started skipping and wouldn’t stop and couldn’t be ignored.

    Full disclosure: I once banged to a Godsmack CD. OK, more than once. Yes, I am ashamed.

    • An acquaintance of mines from HS use to play Godsmack, Black Sabbath, and/or the band he was in during such activities.

      • I had an ex who would play Alice in Chains. Every time. I still can’t listen to that band nearly a decade later.

    • I still don’t use mp3s and continue to have this issue — not the skipping, but just when the record or CD ends and things get reeeeeally quiet.

      Awkward.

      Especially for my neighbors.

  2. once i had sex to the entirety of a taylor swift album (i think it was speak now? it’s hazy) and i still feel kind of angry about it

    also thank you riese for this important public service

  3. I was really worried there would be some crossover with my actual sex playlist here. I am so relieved to discover that I’m not that tacky…yet.

  4. I would rather bang to any of these compared to the jam which I lost my virginity to-“Out Here Grindin.” Because nothing says romance like air sirens and DJ KHALED.

  5. What?? No “Birthday Sex”? But it’s been the soundtrack to some of my tackier sex dreams for a good year now.
    And “Sex on Fire” just gives me life.
    Are we serious about this list? Next you’ll tell me “Like a Virgin” is a no go as well?

  6. Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no.

    I could not survive this playlist while having sex with just MYSELF, let alone another person.

    I did not expect to feel this uncomfortable after reading this.

  7. I dunno that list is missing R. Kelly’s other song, Your Body’s Callin. Also no Back that Azz up, or Mystikal’s Shake Ya Ass?

    And how This is How we Do It a sex song? He talks about South Central, and a few other places.

      • I feel like nobody knows any of the other words to that song. We’d all just be like, “Mmmrmmmrmrmrmmrr THIS IS HOW WE DO IT.”

  8. I once had a customer tell me that “Nothing gets the ladies hot like Hinder’s ‘Lips of an Angel.'” I’ve never had this proven to me.

    • I’m taking that as a personal challenge to find out whether or not that’s true. For science.

      (Advance apologies to my gf.)

  9. Can anyone else confirm that “How Does It Feel” is, in fact, a sexy song? I’m now questioning everything in my life. Then again, I un-ironically had a lot of sex to Justin Bieber’s last album (and I’m 28), so.

    • Because his last album (ok the first half) is sooo good. I did a couple non-ironic strip teases for my gf at the time from that album. I’m 31. Kill me.

  10. This is amazing. I would also add 2 Live Crew “Me So Horny” and this gem:

    Mousse T. feat. Hot ‘n’ Juicy – Horny ’98

    During my very brief stint as a person who went to clubs (circa 1998, obvs), this song was in heavy rotation. I’m only a little bit ashamed to admit that I still know most of the lyrics.

    Also whenever I hear Color Me Badd I think of Donna Martin sneaking into their hotel in that one episode of 90210, which I think says a lot about my childhood.

  11. You put it on spotify and I’m obsessed with you. Can we listen to this with dinner? Be over in 20. Like literally I’m leaving my house.

    • wish i could put a gif of abby’s facial expression when she realized she’d put the wrong version of “my neck, my back (Lick It)” on the playlist

  12. The couple who lived above my first apartment after college used to have huge arguments and then loud sex, once to Bloodhound Gang’s “The Bad Touch” on repeat.

  13. omfg I just had the most vivid flashback to watching the music video for George Michael’s “I want your sex” on mtv at a youth group lock-in ??

  14. Some of these are DEFINITELY on my actual sex playlists and i am completely unashamed.
    And aw man, hardcore nostalgia for peaches n cream by 112. I used to sing along to that song when it was on the radio when i was a kid and therefore completely oblivious the the not even subtle sexualness of the song…

  15. Okay this list is great, but which song is the best for making someone’s genitals dance to or sing along? There are just too many good options, someone please help me narrow this down.

  16. Thanks for the laugh!!! Seriously!

    There is NO way I could make it through even the first ten. I would just be laughing way too hard.

  17. My ex and I used to have sex to contemporary christian music because we were taking this queer theology class together and like, also because it was ridiculous and if sex can’t be a little hilarious/sacrilegious, why have it?!

    but also, I have played pony during sex before. but now all i can think of is lil sebastian when i hear it.

    • Also also I’m currently casually sleeping with an almost 40 year old and they love when bump and grind plays so it’s definitely on my sex playlist in real life.

  18. One of my past (very past) boyfriends unironically tried to sex me while playing Nine Inch Nail’s “Closer”. He didn’t get very far.

    (This same boyfriend later painted an amateurish picture of me tied up in chains surrounded by demons. Needless to say, he very soon thereafter became my ex.)

    • Unless you are into demon BDSM. In which case, cool. (But it sounds like this was not a fantasy you expressed to him)

      • I mean, bondage and aggressively sexual music definitely can have its place with the right person in the right situation, but this wasn’t like that. Red flag in this case for sure.

    • Oh ho ho, I had that very song stuck in my head this one time in religion class. It was both awkward and hot.
      Sorry about your experience tho, that does not sound fun and this is from a kinky person.

  19. Woops, I would have no problem whatsoever with Prince, All-4-One, or Usher. And *especially* not with Pony. Pony is high art.

  20. This one time I was having sexy times with all of my music playing on shuffle and Rockwell’s Somebody’s Watching Me came on. Lesson learned. Always have a playlist.

  21. If you want corny Savage Garden sex songs, try “Universe”. That’s how I learnt the word “caress”.

    *still a fangirl, but oh man*

  22. Now filled with an urge to make my own playlist like this, put it on without telling my gf, and see how far we get… :’)

  23. I would like to add Love fool by the cardigans to this list. As well as anything by the Vengaboys…or anything from the 90s/early 00s at all.

  24. I’d have too much fun laughing and lip synching to the entire 90s portion of this list to actually make it through sex. Bloody brilliant list.

  25. I had sex for the first time while listening to Belle and Sabastian. “If You’re Feeling Sinister”, if I remember correctly.
    I’ve been going about things all wrong. So many sexy time jamz!

  26. lol omg the cheese overkill. then again, my personal choice (except the occasions of Tori/Sarah Mclachlan, which happen) is Switchblade Symphony and Apop – so what do i know?

  27. I drunkenly blared ‘I Just Had Sex’ by The Lonely Island right after the first time having sex with my first official girlfriend. She was not impressed.

    The girl I was hooking up with before that, however, used to like to play MC Hammer’s ‘U Can’t Touch This,’ which always seemed a bit counterintuitive to me.

  28. I would have you know that sexytimes with music by “Sade” have been scientifically proven to be better!
    As a girl of the nineties, I very much approve of this list, but am sorely mssing 50 Cents.
    Also, Shaggy’s “Boomtastic” is a grave oversight, imho. Nothing brings all the girls to the yard, like some Mr.Vroomvroom.
    That said, a gf a long while back in the days before MP3 playlists asked me if I had some music to put on for, you know.
    For some reason the only decent album I had was “Our Endless Numbered Days” by “Iron&Wine”, which was just…uhm.
    I still love the album, but I usually do my taxes while listening to it.

  29. Any other members of the narrow demographpic of folks born circa 1990 to teenage parents super freaked out by the 90’s contingent? I have so many childhood associations with wildly inappropriate music. Salt N Pepa just makes me think about my mom, her convertible, menthol cigarettes, and summer. Seal is all about the year the batman movie came out and my dad played that song on repeat for in the Tommy Hilfiger fog of his Jeep (tone deaf signing along) while I tried not to hurl from carsickness.

    I can’t decide if this is a reasonable reaction.

    That being said, I wholeheartedly love terrible sex playlists. What else is top 40 for?

  30. This article reminds me of a HORRIBLE song called ‘My Girl Gotta Girlfriend’. Not remembering who the artist is at the moment, but….damn. Bad times. Real bad times….

  31. K guys, this is great and all, but I’m looking for some real sexy time song suggestions. What cha got? (Um, not that I’m getting laid these days. But I masterbate! Hey-yo!)

    • The Weeknd, “Often”…FKA twigs, “Two Weeks”…anything by Banks (start with “This Is What It Feels Like”). I’m curious what everyone else is fucking to now…collaborative Autostraddle sex playlist, anyone?

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