Playlist: The Worst Sex Playlist Of All Time

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As you’ve maybe figured out by now, sex is sort of hilarious. You’re both naked with all your meat and cheese out there in the open air, you’re rolling around pawing at each other like animals on a bed or smashed into a bar bathroom or precariously threatening the composure of your sofa cushions. You’re sweating, sticking your fingers and/or brightly colored toys into each other’s holes, your hair is fucked up, liquid is pouring out of you — it’s quite a scene, really. IT’S HILARIOUS.

This playlist didn’t want to be hilarious, it just became that way. This it the playlist you listen to while having sex with your activity partner(s) to figure out if you’re really in love or not. It’s the ultimate Lesbian Sex Challenge! Go forth and prosper… and please share any embarrassing sex song stories in the comments.

https://play.spotify.com/user/autostraddle/playlist/0xqER4y8Ye0MXP1T8QVB4w

I’ll Make Love To You – Boyz II Men
Hungry Like The Wolf– Duran Duran
Burn – Usher
Pony – Ginuwine
I’m a Slave 4 U – Britney Spears
I Swear – All-4-One
Smooth Operator – Sade
Peaches & Cream – 112
I Want Your Sex – George Michael
Kiss From A Rose – Seal
Sugar Walls – Sheena Easton
Sex On Fire – Kings of Leon
Let’s Talk About Sex – Salt-n-Peppa
Untitled (How Does It Feel) – D’Angelo
Too Close – Next
Eye of the Tiger – Survivor
Sexy Can I feat. Yung Berg – Ray J
Bump N’ Grind – R Kelly
All I Wanna Do Is Make Love to You – Heart
Let’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye
Do Ya Think I’m Sexy – Paris Hilton
Birthday Sex – Jeremih
Truly Madly Deeply – Savage Garden
I Wanna Be Your Lover, by Prince
My Neck, My Back (Lick It) – Kelly Mantle
Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover – Sophie B. Hawkins
Your Body Is a Wonderland – John Mayer
Grind With Me (Explicit Version) – Pretty Ricky
Freak Me – Silk
My Humps – The Black-Eyed Peas
Le Freak – Chic
Push It – Salt-n-Peppa
I Wanna Sex You Up – Color Me Badd
2 Become 1 – The Spice Girls


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Riese

Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2962 articles for us.

76 Comments

  1. This heavily vintage list is bringing back awkward memories of listening to CD’s for sex music because MP3s were not a thing yet. And that terrible moment when your Ani or Etheridge CD started skipping and wouldn’t stop and couldn’t be ignored.

    Full disclosure: I once banged to a Godsmack CD. OK, more than once. Yes, I am ashamed.

  2. What?? No “Birthday Sex”? But it’s been the soundtrack to some of my tackier sex dreams for a good year now.
    And “Sex on Fire” just gives me life.
    Are we serious about this list? Next you’ll tell me “Like a Virgin” is a no go as well?

  3. I dunno that list is missing R. Kelly’s other song, Your Body’s Callin. Also no Back that Azz up, or Mystikal’s Shake Ya Ass?

    And how This is How we Do It a sex song? He talks about South Central, and a few other places.

  4. This is amazing. I would also add 2 Live Crew “Me So Horny” and this gem:

    Mousse T. feat. Hot ‘n’ Juicy – Horny ’98

    During my very brief stint as a person who went to clubs (circa 1998, obvs), this song was in heavy rotation. I’m only a little bit ashamed to admit that I still know most of the lyrics.

    Also whenever I hear Color Me Badd I think of Donna Martin sneaking into their hotel in that one episode of 90210, which I think says a lot about my childhood.

  5. Some of these are DEFINITELY on my actual sex playlists and i am completely unashamed.
    And aw man, hardcore nostalgia for peaches n cream by 112. I used to sing along to that song when it was on the radio when i was a kid and therefore completely oblivious the the not even subtle sexualness of the song…

  6. My ex and I used to have sex to contemporary christian music because we were taking this queer theology class together and like, also because it was ridiculous and if sex can’t be a little hilarious/sacrilegious, why have it?!

    but also, I have played pony during sex before. but now all i can think of is lil sebastian when i hear it.

  7. One of my past (very past) boyfriends unironically tried to sex me while playing Nine Inch Nail’s “Closer”. He didn’t get very far.

    (This same boyfriend later painted an amateurish picture of me tied up in chains surrounded by demons. Needless to say, he very soon thereafter became my ex.)

  8. Oh hey, what about Danger! High Voltage by Electric Six?

    (I may pushed a person into a wall while making out with them to this song or maybe I pinned them to something? Just remember kissing hard, grabbing, rubbing and shoving…um TMI…)

  9. I drunkenly blared ‘I Just Had Sex’ by The Lonely Island right after the first time having sex with my first official girlfriend. She was not impressed.

    The girl I was hooking up with before that, however, used to like to play MC Hammer’s ‘U Can’t Touch This,’ which always seemed a bit counterintuitive to me.

  10. I would have you know that sexytimes with music by “Sade” have been scientifically proven to be better!
    As a girl of the nineties, I very much approve of this list, but am sorely mssing 50 Cents.
    Also, Shaggy’s “Boomtastic” is a grave oversight, imho. Nothing brings all the girls to the yard, like some Mr.Vroomvroom.
    That said, a gf a long while back in the days before MP3 playlists asked me if I had some music to put on for, you know.
    For some reason the only decent album I had was “Our Endless Numbered Days” by “Iron&Wine”, which was just…uhm.
    I still love the album, but I usually do my taxes while listening to it.

  11. Any other members of the narrow demographpic of folks born circa 1990 to teenage parents super freaked out by the 90’s contingent? I have so many childhood associations with wildly inappropriate music. Salt N Pepa just makes me think about my mom, her convertible, menthol cigarettes, and summer. Seal is all about the year the batman movie came out and my dad played that song on repeat for in the Tommy Hilfiger fog of his Jeep (tone deaf signing along) while I tried not to hurl from carsickness.

    I can’t decide if this is a reasonable reaction.

    That being said, I wholeheartedly love terrible sex playlists. What else is top 40 for?

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