Years ago, in the hopeless pit of despair that is desperate unemployment, I found myself begging a casual acquaintance to help set me up with an interview at a mutual friend’s painfully hip juice company. I was presumably going to be doing accounting or something, I’m not really sure, but I do know that I was pumped about the idea of free juice. Juice is the best!
To get my head in the game, I made a playlist completely filled with songs about juice. I figured if I listened to it enough, my potential future employers would be able to sense my enthusiasm for juice, and that had to score me some juice points.
Via Buzzfeed
Long story short, I didn’t get that job, but my passion for juice remains. I listen to this playlist whenever I’m trying to get pumped about something, whether it’s juice-related or not. This playlist ended up being a little hip-hop heavy, which makes sense because rappers are notoriously passionate about delicious, delicious juice. There is also an Insane Clown Posse song because I guess Faygo counts as Juggalo juice (or something), and although I am not personally an ICP fan I saw no reason to discriminate. As far as I can tell, all of these songs are 100% literally about the joys of juice, whether it’s adding a shot of spirulina to your cold-pressed wheatgrass or getting the straw through the Capri Sun drink bag on the very first try.
Via Giphy
Playlist: Songs About Juice
Juicebox – the Strokes
Juicy – The Notorious B.I.G.
Grape Juice City – Ratatat
Juice – Riff Raff
Who Got The Juice? – The Game
Apple Juice Kissing – Deee-Lite
Juice Box – Pitbull
Juggalo Juice – Insane Clown Posse
Orange Pineapple Juice – Common
Cookies and Apple Juice – Cam’ron
Juice Box – Preschool Pop Stars
Juice – Chingy
Pimp Juice – Nelly
Crunk Juice – Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz
The Juiceman Cometh – The Polish Ambassador
Juiced – THEESatisfaction
Juice – Slothrust
Might As Well Get Juiced – The Rolling Stones
My office gets really quiet on a Monday morning when all the managers go into this big meeting – while they do this, all the assistants sit around and talk about our weekend and we call this Juicy Time because there was once some juice.
I will be playing this next week. THANKS STEF.
I’M SO EXCITED
Where on earth did you find the cover photo for this article?
Never change, Stef. And never leave Autostraddle.
Bless you.
Well, them not hiring you was clearly that juice company’s loss.
Did you ever play the game Rage? In one part, there’s graffiti that reads “Too Much Juice.” That just came to mind for me while reading the juicy details of your list. =)
I wonder if Stef is gonna respond to every comment with an arrested development gif…
Also I want to know what people’s favorite kinds of juice are? I personally have a thing for apple (bc classic) and tart cherry (bc luxurious and delicious) (but not together) (or wait, maybe together? juice epiphany!).
What kind of juice do you like, autostraddle?
I love veggie juice, all sorts. For fruit juices, I’m with you on the cherry juice. Though really, I like every fruit juice except Orange juice.
Love love love!
thank you this made my day stef you are a dream maker
I need some advice on beet juice because I drank some in a trendy breakfast place in London and in my imagination it was life changing.
BUT I think maybe I just think so because a friend who can afford to live in London paid and it was the only day my anti-depressants ever worked (right up until I decided to combine them with alcohol and make an ass of myself at the Nottinghill carnival).
Was the juice amazing or part of a serotonin-fueled high? I’m afraid to find out!
I love grape juice and strawberry most, but any mixed fruit juice will do.
PS: the internet tells me the juice was a mix of apple, beetroot, carrot and ginger. It was very purple.
i really like beet juice but one time i bought a carton of beet orange juice and it was a lot of beet and not really something i wanted to have in the mornings.
sorry, that isn’t very helpful. beet is great as a once-in-a-while juice, i think.
i know nothing about what was really going on for you that day but it sounds like a really tasty juice!
PITBULL MR WORLDWIDE
My wife still makes fun of me for repeating non stop like a mantra “I love apple juice, it’s my favourite juice” at the nurses While recovering from a surgery’s anesthesia
Do you like juice?
Oops
fixed it for ya.
Thanks! Is there a guideline page for people like me who must have still been thinking in mid-2000s message-board? Should I just be using html tags?
html works for posting photos! for youtube videos you can just post the url by itself.
THE JUICE!
Probably the best rap song about juice is “Juice” by Chance the Rapper because it gives you the chance to yell “JUICE JUICE JUICE JUICE” every time the hook hits.
I love JUICE!
(That used to be my friend’s text ringtone and it never got old.)