OPEN THREAD: It’s New Year’s Eve and We’re Spending It With You (and Your Resolutions)

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Hey handsome cats in top hats! New year, new you. It’s happening. We want to know all about your new year’s resolutions! What do you want to accomplish in 2015? What’s going to be different about 2015? Let us know!

Yvonne, Senior Editor

I can’t wait for the new year! I’m ready to hit refresh on different aspects of my life. Here’s what I’m going to do in 2015:

I want to take more selfies — seriously. I’m a casual selfie-taker but I want to step up my game. I want to unabashedly take selfies and not give one single f*ck what anyone thinks. The end.

One of the best things that happened to me this year was being brought on full-time at Autostraddle! Yay! I’m now a lot more financially stable than I have been in the past two years so for the new year I want to be better at managing my finances. It’s not like I’m really bad at managing my finances but I just want to have a solid plan rather than eyeballing numbers, praying to the Virgen and going with the flow. My partner is really good at budgeting and managing her finances so I can learn a thing or two from her. Hey, maybe I can actually save some money this year!

This year I tried yoga and I loved it! I want to continue doing it in the new year in addition to eating healthier and working out with my partner. It sounds like a tall order but omg y’all I ate too many tamales this holiday season so I’m ready to work out and eat vegetables. I work from home and stare at a computer all day so it’s pretty necessary to my health and well-being.

I think I’ve been saying this since I was in elementary school but I want to write more. In 2015 specifically, I want to write more personal essays for Autostraddle. I have lots of ideas so I need to make sure I make writing a priority.

Carmen, Feminism and Straddleverse Editor

I’m turning 25 this July, and for me that ain’t no fuckin’ around. As far as I’m concerned, It’s time to buckle down and make some shit happen.

In 2015, I’ll of course say goodbye to some things. Goodbye to certain. Goodbye to safe. Goodbye to worrying what will happen if I write it down. Goodbye to worrying about what will happen if I say it out loud. Goodbye to waiting for it to fall together. Goodbye to comparing myself to other people. Goodbye to second-guessing. Goodbye to appeasement. Goodbye to fear. Goodbye to going it alone. (And good fucking riddance to the snooze button.)

It’s time to start making plans and schemes, time to roll up my sleeves and get dirty, time to hustle even harder, time to take some risks. I wanna become someone. I wanna spend more time with my dog. I wanna spend a lot more time in my pajamas. I wanna feel like I made it.

I’m going full-steam ahead just like Danielle LaPorte would want me to. (And I’m rereading The Desire Map, too.)

When I was drafting my resolutions on Tumblr, I closed them out with these seven words: get real, get ready, and get free. I hope those stick, and I hope this year I can make them come true.

Carolyn, NSFW Editor

In 2013 I got rid of many things and in 2014 I kept many things but in 2015 I am going to go after many things, even though those things are far or hard or wrapped in red tape and even though not getting them would feel devastating.

I mean there are a bunch of scary things I’m going to do but they all feel good scary. I have never torn my life up by the roots and hopefully I will get to. I should probably feel a little freaked out but all I feel is excited.

Also I would like to finish the elk leather flogger I started early last year (turns out the problem with making your own flogger with an activity partner is, um, getting distracted during the process), floss even more and admit to myself I’m happiest when I’m reading books every day and working on too many things at once.

Laura M, Contributing Editor

Goals for 2015:

Write a love letter.
Use up the remaining dance class passes on that membership card I paid good money for last spring.
Make homemade mozzarella.
Write at least five personal essays. Even if they only stay on my computer.
Make a man cry.

Chelsey, Editorial Assistant

My goals for 2015 are to be less reactive, to write more things even if it scares me or if I think it sounds stupid, to stop fucking procrastinating, and to keep in better touch with the people I love most.

Kaitlyn, Contributing Editor

I want 2015 to be the year I reconnect with the people who are important to me, no matter how far away they are. I want to improve my Spanish so I can actually participate in the family gossip sessions next Christmas. As always, I want to write more. I want to publish one of the endless personal essays sitting on my computer, no matter how scary that feels. And I want to get a job with benefits (Hi, mom!) so I can officially call myself an independent adult. Oh, and I’m gonna save up to go to Camp!

Laneia, Executive Editor

In 2015 I’m gonna lighten my fucking load and give myself enthusiastic consent to do whatever the fuck I’ve been wanting to do. I’m taking the line “Decide what to be and go be it” all the way to heart. I’m growing a fucking herb garden and I’m going to fertilize it with menstrual blood meal. I’m going to write thank you cards and call my grandmother on Sundays. I’m going to get back to the only version of spirituality that ever made sense to me, even though I’m scared it won’t make sense anymore. I’m going to wear a bikini at Bonnaroo and visit every national forest and park within reasonable driving distance from my home. I’m going to get eight fucking hours of sleep a night and buy more palazzo pants. FUCK YEAH 2015.

Maddie, Contributing Editor

Not to be a New Years killjoy, but for me, historical precedent indicates that making a New Years Resolution seems to be the best guarantee that whatever it is I’m resolving to do won’t happen. I have many thoughts for things I want to do differently and new and braver and bolder in 2015, but I need to keep them to myself in the context of Resolutions in this Official Capacity. And I’m saying so here to validate your keeping your resolutions to yourself, if that’s how you roll.

Mey, Trans Editor

I really love writing personal essays and sharing my life that way on Autostraddle. But I’m also terrified of doing it. Because of that, I wrote a lot of articles for Autostraddle in 2014 but only a couple of personal essays. I’d like to change that in 2015. My resolution for the new year is to do more personal writing about my own experiences and my own life. I want to be more open and share more things with the Autostraddle readers. I’m not going to pledge a certain number of words or number of essays, I’m just going to pledge to be more bold and open with my writing and hope that leads to more essays.

Riese, Editor-in-Chief and CEO

I’ve been so busy with Autostraddle for so long that I got into the habit of avoiding even the simplest, quickest social exchanges — like responding to a tweet! responding to a g-chat! — out of fear that any kind of reciprocation will set the recipient up for inevitable disappointment when next time I’m too busy to hit them back in return, or when I’m not able to take the leap from a g-chat to, say, an actual in-person get-together or a phone call. But this left me very lonely, ultimately, and estranged from my family and friends. I’ve been doing much better at this over the past few months and I want to keep at it.

Also my girlfriend and I have resolved to be better at planning meals ahead of time and grocery shopping on a strict budget so that we spend less money on burritos at Whole Foods and inevitably shitty GrubHub. I’m sure we can maintain this for at least 2-3 months, right?

Perhaps also to own the fact that I disagree with 75% of the opinions on my queer-as-hell tumblr feed.

Oh yes, and get some of that personal writing out of my hard drive and onto the internet.

Rachel, Managing Editor

I feel weird about the concept of New Year’s Resolutions for a few reasons, and have habitually avoided making them. I guess I feel like if I really want to do something, I should just start doing it no matter what time of year it is, and also that making a bunch of frenziedly optimistic goals all at once is a good recipe for not achieving them and therefore feeling shitty about myself in the new year.

With all that said, I do want to work on my attitude for 2015 and/or the rest of my life. Despite being a generally anxious person who is usually more focused on avoiding unhappiness than pursuing good things, I want to work on living up to Kanye’s example and his assertion that “My life is dope, and I do dope shit.” That’s the mantra for 2015; write it down.

Also though my one official goal for the new year is to make a doctor’s appointment and get a physical, maybe even go to the dentist, because now that I have good health insurance I’m just being an idiot by avoiding it.

KaeLyn, Contributing Editor

This is the year when everything changes. In my baby-making parts, at least. After a little over a year of thinking, writing about, and discussing the path from “childfree-by-choice-forever” to “ready-to-get-knocked-up,” I am so certain this is what is right for my spousal unit and me, right now in our lives. It is exciting. It is terrifying. It is possibly sad and disappointing. There is the sobering reality that I have put all these feelings out on the internet about future kid and future kid may not ever come to exist. I’m going to have to be OK with that. I’m OK with it. I’m OK with being honest with you. We need to be more honest with each other about parenting decisions as feminists, as queers, as real life human people with complicated lives and emotions. I won’t be afraid to be truthful or to be bold. I’m going to try to quiet that part of my brain that cares what other people think. When and if it gets hard, I’m going to try to remember how lucky and privileged I am to be able to afford this, financially and socially and culturally. I am going to embrace my support network, even though I’m awful at asking for help. I am going to keep focusing on my sense of self and who I am, regardless of what happens in 2015. And by 2016, everything will be different, whether there is a new small human in my arms or not. I’m ready.

Alley Hector, Contributing Editor

This year I’m going to:

Make bad decisions
Make the best decisions
Sometimes know the difference
Ride my bike
Ride my bike in the rain
Ride my bike in the sun
Write more
Be lazy/relax
Not call myself lazy
Dress up
Get better at my job and maybe quit it
Travel, maybe to Mexico, maybe to Asia, maybe more
Take risks
Trust myself
Drink less
But drink whenever I want to
Be excellent
Be excellent to each other
Do things the easy way just once
Not take myself too seriously
Figure out what matters

Robin, Contributing Editor

I’m bad at keeping track of resolutions, but I willfully find patterns in everything, so upon reflection, my 2014 was, unintentionally, the year of “next time I’ll do better,” and then never reaching the next time where I did do better. For various external and internal reasons, 2015 has to be the year where I do better. It has to be the year where I follow through, where I show up on time, where I’m mindful of people before I open my mouth, where I don’t lose my debit card three times in one month.

If my personal 2014 mantra to the world was, “I reject your binary,” 2015’s is “fuck your narrative.” it took me some time to figure out what narratives were just Not For Me, and now I’m finally ready to dismantle and take down the worst of the bunch.

And, of course, I’d like to finish more writing, bike more, craft more, make more friends, do more better, etc

Heather Hogan, Senior Editor

I have three goals for 2015.

1) Read 100 books. I tried this in 2013 and 2014 but only clocked in at 55 and 64, respectively. I like physical books. I like the heft and the smell and the way the pages sound when I turn them. I read a neat idea yesterday and it was to always keep three books stacked on your nightstand, putting a new one at the bottom of the stack when you finish the top one — and to hurl across the room any book that isn’t worth your time (metaphorically, at least). That way you’ve always got something in the queue and won’t get distracted. So I’m going to try that idea. Probably it means less video games, but honestly, I created a Skyrim character who could punch a dragon out of the air this year. Maybe it’s time for a break.

2) Get outside more. I moved to New York full-time this year and while I’ve gotten pretty okay at riding my bike (around Queens and that tourist-filled loop in Central Park, at least), I miss being surrounded by nature. I miss mountain biking. I miss hiking. I miss sitting still in the woods and feeling connected to the ancient things. Which is silly. I don’t need to miss that stuff. I can hop a train at Grand Central and be out of the city in half an hour. I want to do a lot more of that this year.

3) Stay more connected to the people I love. My inbox is overflowing at all times always with one hundred billion things. I want to get better at managing the noise so I can connect with the people I really care about and be the kind of word sunshine they deserve.

Helen McDonald, Contributing Editor

I never really create New Year’s resolutions until I’m asked. My resistance to make resolutions is not really because I have a strong stance in the great To Resolve or Not To Resolve debate, but simply because I don’t really know what I want until the middle of year. My spiritual upheavals are as unpredictable as Demi Lovato’s hair styles. However, I do like a challenge and publicly sharing my feelings so here are my New Year’s aspirations as they come to me.

1) I was stalking my fellow writers’ resolutions for inspiration because these amazing, funny, profound, beautiful humans inspire me on the daily. So I’m gonna borrow one of Heather’s resolutions and commit to reading 100 books in 2015. Let the record show that college broke my bibliophile heart and I have read a grand total of maybe one book since graduation. Womp womp womp. But I miss my love affair with fiction, and those WHAT THE FUCK I DIDN’T KNOW THAT moments I get when I read non-fiction. As much as binge watching Gossip Girl has a special place in my heart, I want to be a reader again.

2) I love to travel, but I also love this new feeling I have of being “settled”. I have an apartment I love with radtastic people, in a town that’s just weird enough for me to call home. But I want to find the balance between wandering and settling; I no longer feel like a misguided soul, but I don’t think I want to put down all of my roots just yet. This new year, I am committing to seeing the world in different ways. I am committing to exploration and adventure.

3) I love the feeling of falling in love. I know exactly when I’m falling love with a new friend, a potential bae, a pet, or even a bus driver. I want to fall in love a little bit every day with people who are ready and willing to fall in love with me.

4) I want to get at least three new tattoos. I only have two planned out, but I’m constantly finding new words I want to keep with me always on my body.

5) I resolve to fall in love with cooking. I can cook for my health now, but I would like to get to a place where I can cook for my soul. I’m a foodie and revel in eating times. I’ve fought very hard to have a good relationship with consuming food. Now I want to fight just as hard for a relationship with cooking food.

6) Along with reading, my relationship to writing has actually suffered. Either I write for work, or I write for fun. I need to introduce balance into the prose and poetic aspects of my life by re-dedicating myself to my art.

7) Punctuality. As much as I love CPT (Colored People Time), I realize that I’m an “adult” now and need to get my shit together. No more being late for lateness sake. I probably won’t be 15 minutes early but at least limiting my lateness to only 5 minutes late would be a great start.

Your turn! What do you want to see yourself do in 2015?

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  1. My main resolutions for 2015 are:
    ~ To try and write something for Autostraddle
    ~ To stop apologizing for myself, because I spend too much time worrying about what other people thing as a result of my actions
    ~ To be more serious about following through with getting some of my writing published
    ~ To stop being afraid of what I want and communicating what I want
    ~ To learn to relax and let go
    ~ To take (and share) more selfies because I am a beautiful human and I want to take the time to appreciate that
    ~ To worry less

    Maybe not all of those will happen in 2015. Life goals, more like. But I can start with baby steps and go from there.

    • That is so interesting and profound, the first one crossed out because in order to do it you’d first need to conquer all of your other resolutions.

        • I dunno, I’ve never been high before but I feel like people can actually have some pretty interesting revelations when they’re high.

          • Have been high, can verify this. Marijuana is the reason I understand stereochemistry and therefore the reason I’ve passed (let alone done well in) all of the organic chem classes I’ve taken.

          • That made me smile. O-chem is awesome! And it studying stereochemistry while high sounds entertaining, though I’ve never tried it…

            That reminds me of this video that my biology professor showed us when I was in college, which is apparently what happens when you study biochemistry while high. Protein synthesis: An epic on a cellular level!

  2. I have spent the last 3 and a half years becoming established in my career, buying a house, and becoming a grown up before all of my friends. This year I want to get the tattoo that I’ve wanted for years and I want to travel more and take an actual vacation.

  3. Happy New Year everybody ! The plan was to spend a relaxed evening with my parents (I hate parties on New Year’s Eve and don’t know any friends that want to “just chill”). I was meaning to come out to them tonight !!! But they ended up inviting a friend of them who was on his own sooo that’s gonna be for another time

    It actually makes for a great first resolution for 2015 !
    this is gonna be a weird year for me : I’m freshly unemployed and can end up moving anywhere for a year in a heartbeat. Making friends, possible girlfriends, and getting involved is gonna be extra challenging for me… So I guess that’s my resolution : to keep trying, stay engaged, and be excited about new people, which isn’t always easy for me !

    I hope everybody is with their favorite people tonight, even if it’s just yourself, and I’ll drink some champagne to you all !

    • I made a couple of ‘deadlines’ on coming out to my dad.birthday in Nov, before Christmas, before new year… But the timing is off. I’m trying to just accept that as the way things are. I’m probably not ready yet. Good luck with your parents. The right time will present itself. Have a happy new year!

      • The “opening” keeps showing up, my mom making comments about boys or my single life, etc., but it’s always at a time when we’re busy : taking out the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking for 7 people… I think I just need to give up the idea that I can just talk seriously about it during dinner.

        I think I’m ready. I’m ready because my Mom is worried all these years without boyfriends means I’ll spend my life alone. I want to tell her “it’s ok, now that i’ve figured it out, you’ll see how amazing my love life is going to become !”

        Also I want to share with them all the wonderful communities I’m discovering ; how excited I am to grow within it, to become the person she sees in me and wishes would come out (ahr ahr).

        Happy New Year to you too :)

        • Chloe, I can relate to all of this so much. “it’s ok, now that i’ve figured it out, you’ll see how amazing my love life is going to become !”

          Also I want to share with them all the wonderful communities I’m discovering ; how excited I am to grow within it.” Love. I too am leaving my job and I feel so good about it. I’m filled with a renewed energy that I am so excited for my future! Just keep putting yourself out there and you will meet great people and make new friends! :)

    • Good luck coming out to your parents, I can definitely relate to the stress of that. I keep replaying conversations over and over in my head; sometimes I think it’ll never happen. Hope it all goes well!

      Sorry to hear about the unemployment, I know how rough that can be. Uncertainty in life always makes things more stressful. Best of luck with everything.

  4. And may you all have an amazing new year –
    may the best of your old year be the worst of your new year!

  5. also Carmen your words really hit me : “get real, get ready, and get free”.

    I wanna get real too this next year. i want to find the freedom to let other people in, now that I know who I should be letting in in the first place. I want to find the strength to possibly get hurt and healing from that pain. and I want to be free in the love I show all the people around me

    <3 (Yes I can be a big ol' sentimentalist sometimes. this is the time for it)

  6. The last visitor to my apartment asked if I had just moved in. Today is my second anniversary there.

    2015 resolution: actually furnish my place. Don’t be afraid to settle in, because it is basically home now.

    • Ha – I can relate to this so much. I only recently got a bed that isn’t an air mattress after living here for almost a year. And my walls are bare – my apartment is bare. It’s not that I can’t afford any furnishings – it’s that (1) I tend to be a minimalist and (2) I haven’t really cared enough to bother getting more stuff.
      But I guess a few more furnishings wouldn’t hurt. :) Especially for when people visit (another goal – be less of a loner).

  7. I’d just like 2015 to be less lonely than 2014. I suppose my resolution will be trying to figure out how to make that happen.

  8. I feel like I’ve been in a holding patter for years and that I’m actually starting real life now. I finally have a great job I love in a career I’m dedicated to in a super rad city with amazing friends.

    This year a lot of my smaller goals are about being better at adulting: planning and cooking healthy, balanced meals more often, exercising more- whether that’s taking a long walk, hopping on the elliptical or doing my yoga video, and paying off my credit cards.
    But more than that I want to create stuff, listen harder, and worry less/laugh more. I want to get better at the dating thing, and develop these new friendships I’ve made, and write physical letters to my far away friends.
    I want to finish the novel I started for NaNoWriMo and start another. I want to be braver about putting my voice and my stories out there and believe that people want to read them.
    I want to continue being awesome.
    And have some really fantastic sex.

  9. New Year Resolution for 2015:

    Primarily on the career/job-wise, I need to focus on finding something I could do properly. I’ve been freelancing and kind of fluttering about for the last few years and although it’s been lovely but irresponsible survival so far, it’s tough on the finances and also terrible in terms of building any future without a constant source of income and too much uncertainty about what’s up ahead.

    Also getting back into some regular exercise because my clothes are too tight now and I really don’t want to shop.

    Lastly, possibly the hardest, to try and reduce time spent on the internet trying to consume all manner of pop culture etc.

    Hoping for a good 2015 to come for everyone!

  10. Heather and Helen! Last year I made the resolution to read 100 books and I made it! I highly recommend the experience. I think what was crucial to me actually achieving it was to be accountable in a public space. Goodreads was great for that, because they have a progress bar that counts how ahead or behind you are. We should all start using the comments section of Lez Liberty Lit as a forum to discuss what we’ve been reading and what our reading progress is for the year. I’ll do it if you guys will do it! Anyone else in?

    • Goodreads has been great for me. My goal wasn’t 100 but I made it. I’ll aim for 100 this year. Do the books I read to the kids count?

      My book resolution for the year is to read more books by non-white authors. I just picked up a big stack from the library. They’re beside the bed and I can’t wait to get started!

    • I’m into this plan! I’m generally a happier person when I’m reading more. And since I inevitably think “Damn, I want to read all of these” when reading Lez Liberty Lit, I love the idea of using the comments section to keep each other up-to-date on our reading progress.

      Audiobooks count too, right? I listen to a lot of audiobooks (like, 4-5 a month) because I can squeeze it in while commuting around the city, working out, etc. And I do a lot of screen-reading, either on my Kindle or on PDFs on my computer. In fact, I miss the experience of reading actual, physical books. Maybe my goal will be to read at least 1-2 of those a month, in addition to book consumption in other forms.


    gf and I were re-homed a party that needed a new place to go after the original party-planners got sick. they wanted to make it FANCY, which is cool, I am making a croquembouche, because adventure, but somebody texted me last night saying,”Wait. So you don’t have a punch bowl. Is what you’re saying.” And I was like,”… No punch bowl. We have mixing bowls?” tbd if there will be punch in a mixing bowl that somebody bedazzles.

    my ny resolutions are always like “learn to drive stick” and “floss more.” This year is to stretch more, I recently was chatting with a friend who flosses 6/7 days, because then she has a cheat day. And I literally quit flossing daily because I was like “you’re not the boss of me flossing, I’ll do it when I want to” which is not a great life plan. So, 6/7 days are flossing days.
    Thusly, 6/7 days will be stretching days, I got an app and everything.

    HAPPY NEW YEAR. May you all get smooches and bubbles at midnight and good things in the new year.

    • Oddly I need to learn to drive automatic as I had to move my mother’s car recently and was baffled completely, how do you guys do it? Good luck with the floss.

      • just quit touching things. it won’t be like putting together a puzzle while you’re riding a bike, it’ll be like, the car goes on and forward, quit messing with shit. this is your opportunity to practice acting like a nonchalant asshole, driving with one hand, curling your lip into a smirk, and being like,”Yeah. It’s not big deal.” Girls will love it.

        • Ha! I think I’ll stick to driving my van…stick. Where I don’t have to be confused by park and neutral and putting the foot brake on to start the engine.

  12. I’ve started making lists of things I want to accomplish in the next year which tend to be rather long and ridiculous. This year I accomplished half of the things I said I wanted to; next year I hope I can get more.

    Here are some choice selections from my list:
    Over 1/3 of the things on my list are specific paddling-related goals that can be summed up in: paddle more, paddle better, and paddle bigger stuff

    Be less afraid of paperwork

    Drink more water (seriously I’m probably dehydrated 70% of the time and it’s bad)

    Keep on reading (for fun) more

    Be more proactive with my mental health

    Demand more respect and be less afraid to say something when I’m getting misgendered

    Say even more puns (while this was a resolution from this year and I kept it okay, I still think there could be more puns because let’s be honest–there can always be more puns)

    Make out with fewer questionable older dudes, more with cute girls close to my age

    Do a better job of keeping in touch with people, especially people that are not geographically close to me

    • Hollis: DRINK MORE WATER. You can do it! I’m always getting on my friends’ cases about this – it’s one of the most important things you can do for your body, and dehydration is a crappy way to live. The water. Drink it.

      Good luck with all the other goals too, especially the one about cute girls your age ;-)

  13. so far my resolution for 2015 is to read more books. i’ve really fallen out of the habit of reading over the last couple years and i’d like to get back into it.

  14. I am so pumped that writing more personal essays is included on so many of these lists. you guys write the best personal essays, and I can’t wait to devour every single one of them

    congrats AS team on all you have accomplished this past year and best of luck in 2015! I hope all of your dreams come true especially the menstrual blood meal herb garden and making a man cry. I would love photographic documentation of both if you can swing it

  15. Sadly I’ve been bed ridden for a few days, because I was hit with a hard flu so I cant really think of much and all I want is this feeling to leave.

    I do want for my pronouns to be respected at home, and work, because it hurts to hear them. That and I want to do more nature walks and animal watching like I use to.

  16. to use the words, Dong-Unit more.
    Oh, you Dong-Unit.

    To furtively and anonymously pursue my goals and desires,
    as I know myself and talking about things is frequently as close as I ever get to making my goals come true, so I’ll just dream small medium and large size and beaver away at them, with micropauses and smoko stops along the way.

    In the spirit of sharing, my themes involve:
    Self love
    Acceptance of me and you doing you
    Opportunities for laughter and fun
    Self confidence.

    Im really not this serious 24/7. This is just a mission statement, with freedom and few deadlines.

  17. Happy new year, everyone!

    I haven’t thought too hard about resolutions (better get on that soon haha) but mainly:
    Finish college assignments way before the due date, spend more time on my hobbies, read more, take the stairs whenever possible, travel more, and stop feeling guilty for stupid things.

    I’m feeling like I might be able to accomplish these! I think this might be the first year I kinda feel like I’ve got this.

  18. Thank you, team autostraddle, for everything you’ve done this year. Except for being sold out of ‘straddle this’ boxer briefs when I tried to order them, that sucked a little.

  19. I want a job, a place to live, and a person to snuggle up to, when I feel like snuggling up to someone warm :) I want to be more honest, less afraid, and care less about other people’s opinion :)

  20. I am going to finish my probation period and continue to improve as a teacher, keep on loving my body, get comfortable skating on one leg, and make progress towards becoming a certified roller derby official <3

  21. Besides the things I usually complain about on here about my bad adulting and no car having and living with parentsing, I have some goals that are more specific and manageable, and, I think, will help me solve my overarching problems:

    -Stop beating Yourself up for being bad at adulting. Being conscious of something is not the same as working to change something. You can complain about Your problems as long as You are actively working towards solving those problems. You can do this, You can do this.

    -Remember that project I talked about wanting to do with the flowers and the portraits? Actually do that. You are better when You are making. You are happier when You are making. Draw draw /draw/

    -Not that I haven’t been making, I’ve just mostly been making for work! But I don’t want to stop that, so: work more efficiently. Pull out that fancy planner you got in the fall. Keep Your calendar up to date. You can do this. You have been doing this. Keep doing this, but try to be more reliable! Make this Your routine. There is nothing wrong with routine.

    -Get Your undercut. You’ve wanted it for months, and You are Your own person and You WILL look awesome with it. Bonus: You’ll feel more visibly queer, which always makes You happy. Be authentic. You are Your best self when You are being You. You cannot be Your mum’s best self.

    -finish sending out the envelopes to all you lovelies because most of them are almost done, they just need to be assembled and sent! Send them! If any of you are wondering why you haven’t gotten your package from me, it’s because I’m a bit behind and the holidays were’are crazy and all that. But they’re still coming! Happy mid January cards? Make make make!

    In other news I am so unprepared whenever the open thread’s not on friday! I have so many pictures and stories to share with you all! Next week? Or will we have chatty one on friday? I love and miss you all, and I hope you’re going to have a lovely new years eve even if it’s going to be super mellow. I’m hosting New Queer’s Eve at my house–OC straddler new year’s eve yay yay!! You should come if you can!

    I got this breathtaking dress on super super sale for really really cheap and it is beautiful and I love it and I can’t wait to wear it tonight, so here’s a photo of me the night I got it looking hairy and tired and delighted:

    It’s cut off in the photo, but it goes all the way to the floor! Heaven!


    Love you all! <3 <3 <3

    • Wow! Your dress fits you so wonderfully and the rose print is antique lovely. What a pretty party dress! Also your hairy arm pit looks delightful and it probably smells like angels dancing on a moss covered fallen sequoia! :) HAIRY PITS 2015 LET’S DO THIS WOOOO I’m in.

    • All the support in the world for the undercut. You are 100% right about not being your Mum’s best you. I am so on board with that this coming year. Have a great one.

    • As someone who recently got an undercut, I say, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT! I know it’s just hair, but I feel like ME and it’s a great feeling.

    • I know other people have said that that dress is great but it needs to be said at least one more time: that dress is fantastic.

    • “Stop beating Yourself up for being bad at adulting.” Yes. Agreed. We’re still young, right? We will mess up and not have stuff figured out and feel like we’re behind on some things that “proper adults” should be doing. But there’s no time limit, and we’re still so young.
      Post a pic of your undercut when you get it, I am sure it will look amazing!

    • The dress is absolutely wonderful and so will the undercut be if you decide to get one. I wish you the best with achieving all your resolutions. You’ll do great.

  22. My goal for the remainder of the academic year is to pass the first module of the EFL teaching diploma I’m about to start.

    I also want to be better at standing up for myself at work and not just accepting stuff I don’t agree with just because “that’s the way it’s done here”, but that’s kind of hard…

    Currently in San Francisco, visiting the pier later and hoping to catch some fireworks later. Happy New Year to Straddlers everywhere!

  23. Tonight I’m celebrating my birthday and the new year at the same time! I’m trying to figure out what to wear. Are blazers still in?
    Anyway, my only resolution this year is to let go of the lingering body issues I have and to start telling the truth more. I guess that’s two. Happy New Year, Autostraddle!

    • My new years eve tradition is a movie marathon by myself. I’ve loved it for years and years. This year though I’m doing the movie marathon with my roommate and a friend of hers I’ve never met. I definitely wish I was doing it alone this year.

  24. This year, I want to take the time to seek out my people. To find the friends I can be myself around, the people who get me and inspire me to create. I want to stop pretending I’m “undecided”about my major, and let go of the med schook dreams my mother had for me. I want to learn to flirt, and practice a lot, and go on lots of actual dates. I want to meditate more and worry less, and see the beauty around me every day

    • This is such an inspiring, uplifting comment! It’s hard to create when you’re not surrounding yourself with people who encourage you to do so. I’ll gladly be one of your people! Meditating and learning to flirt (apparently my impressions of Matt Dillon as Dally in “The Outsiders” just doesn’t bring the suitors a-runnin’…) are on my to-do list for the year, as well.

    • <3
      Here's to your dreams, your new reality, and the joyful dance between them~~
      Here's to you being the beauty that you see!!

  25. I’m kind of wishing nye was a few days ago. I was all pumped up and excited for it a few days ago, I had exciting goals. I feel like someone let all that excited air out of me like a balloon.
    One goal I know I will be working on is Steadiness and Consistency, in relationships and communication with friends, school, eating, sleeping, basically in everything in my life.

  26. One of the biggest plans my wife and I have for 2015 is to GET HER HERE!!!!!! I feel like this is it. It’s going to happen. So with that, comes moving out of the proverbial ‘nest.’ THIS IS IT YOU GUYS. GAAAAAAJGIJEIOMCVHGOE

    I also want to try to stop trying to live for other people. My brother in law and I (while drinking this whole bottle of JD) along with my sister who made martinis for herself discussed getting my person here. I said that I wanted to look into townhomes because rent and mortgage just might be the same price and at least with a home I could end up owning it. But I felt hesitant because of what people will say i.e ‘she’s just using you for money/house/papers’ to which my brother in law said ‘JUST GO DO IT if that’s what’s going to make you happy. Don’t live for other people. Live for yourself and your dreams’ That bottle of Jack was GREAT. We both passed out at like 9pm.

    I also made a resolution that involves camp but I feel like I don’t want to elaborate just yet. And to be more determined at going to the gym.


    • Aaaaaawahhhjmbbhhhhhhhhaaaahhhh!! I’m so excited for you guys!!! It’s going to be amazing!!!

      Be prepared for a ton of paperwork – make sure you keep any good evidence for immigration, talk to great people who can help, and be prepared for life to explode with potential!

      Yeah, 2015 is going to rock for you!!!!

    • So Vinz, I know I never comment on your posts, but I pretty much always read them because they are filled with light and love from your, your wife, and cat (can the cat come??), and it makes me smile as much as watching YouTube videos of puppies learning to climb stairs. :). Happy New Year, keep climbing!

      • Awww thanks! Reading your comment makes my heart really warm=) The cat can definitely come but her mom might now want the cat to leave. Lol. Its everyones baby at their house so…but fingers crossed!!!!

  27. I took care of a pre-resolution by coming out to my wife as transgender and lesbian two days ago.
    My next resolution is to find a loving woman to share the female love I need to be happy now.
    And the last resolution is simply to be happy knowing I have always been a female. :)

  28. Okay, after reading through everyone else’s amazing comments, I feel I need to add a bit more substance to mine, because it’s lame.

    I want to be more assertive in 2015. I need to demand to be heard, and to demand respect.

    I need to stop waiting for the “perfect” idea and being so tentative, because reluctance leaves room for doubt and second guessing. Just hit the ground running, and make and write stuff! Do it for yourself at least! You won’t hit home runs every time, and that’s okay. But by not practicing, you won’t hit any home runs ever.

    But my main goal for the year, I think, is to learn to open up to others and trust them. I’ve been so guarded and have kept my heart locked away for years. I’m very quick to attack or doubt someone’s sincerity. I’ve been so scared of having my heart broken, convinced that that would completely and utterly destroy me, so I’ve always sabotaged relationships before they’ve begun to save myself from the inevitable pain of being left, because I’ve let toxic people in my life convince me that I’m broken and crazy and frail and unloveable. In the past I would date guys I wasn’t even attracted to because that way, there was no danger of falling for them, no risk of being vulnerable. As long as I was in control of my feelings, it was okay. So I need to work on tearing my walls down, letting myself feel, because throughout the year, I’ve learned that I can cultivate relationships with others, that I am loveable and kind, and that people like me for who I am.

    • Oh wow. I feel like I could have written that last paragraph of yours. I’m super allergic to vulnerability. Trusting people is really, really hard! Glad to hear you’ve made some progress with this – I don’t know you personally, but I’m sure that you ARE loveable and kind and that people DO like you for who you are. Wishing you (and myself!) much success in growing in this area in 2015!

  29. Also, since this is the open thread, I feel like my week could pretty much be summed up with “explaining scissoring to straight girls” and “attempting to have tryst but other people have ill-timing”. So. Yes.

  30. Until I read this article, I thought 2014 kind of sucked. Then I read this and was reminded of all the amazing things I did this year. According to Timehop, my resolution for 2014 was to take more risks and do things, instead of just thinking about them. After years of putting it off, in January I got my first tattoo. In April I presented my thesis musical- the first real musical I’ve ever written- with amazing actors. In May, I graduated with my MFA. In June I did one of the bravest things I’ve done in my romantic life- I was rejected, but I was brave as fuck. In August, I surprised myself and questioned my entire identity. I also produced a kickass concert at my favorite venue in NYC. In September, I conquered my anxiety. In November, I conquered more anxiety and had one of the best days of my life. I also found out that my first play would premiere in front of a public, paying audience. In December, I had auditions for my play and rehearsals began. So I took some hella risks. I may not have been in a relationship. I may not have lost weight. But I did some fucking amazing things.

    As for 2015, I want to do things for myself- put my health (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual) first. I want to love myself. It’s going to be a year for me. I’m going to stop doing shit to please others. I want to be in charge of my life.

    • I love that you have shared all the things that involved taking risks and their outcomes. This was really incredible to read and I would kind of like a thread with a theme of a list of retrospective opportunities and risks taken that felt significant and meaningful to each of us (if we want to share this, if we don’t want to share this, then that’s our choice and ok) and the outcomes of taking a risk and an opportunity. This was great to read, and inspiring, Rachel. Thank you for sharing such a huge thing.

    • I’m proud of you for following through on your old resolutions and for being on your way to kick some ass with your new ones. I’m sure you’ll do great.
      (Also also thesis musical this sounds highly fantastic)

  31. I resolve not to be so stupid, I resolve not to play these games… (anyone? anyone? Bueller? Is this musical theatre major alone in her references?)

    But in all honesty, in 2015…

    I want to come out to my parents. I’m planning on doing that before I go back to school in a week and a half (I just haven’t figured out HOW I’m going to do it, but I know that it’s time), so hopefully I can check that off soon and give myself an early January boost on actually accomplishing my resolutions.

    I’d like to journal more. I keep telling people that as a freshman musical theatre major in a very intense program, I feel like I’ve learned more about performing in the last four months than I had in the past five years of my life. I think it’s a damn shame that I’m not chronicling my progress better.

    Sort of in the same vein (as a performer), I have so many dance goals. It’s definitely my weakest suit in performance, so this year, I’d really like to get all three of my splits and get solid double pirouettes on both legs.

    I want to get cast in a mainstage musical at school.

    I want to spend at least part of my summer working in arts administration.

    I want to take a voice lesson with the performer who has been my greatest influence for the past five years.

    I want to take fewer naps and go to the gym more. I want to work on my calf strength and loosen my IT band on my weak side, and though I made huge strides in taking up running and sticking with it in 2014 (and conquering a 5K!), I want to do better–I want to run a half-marathon in 2015.

    I want to learn how to code (properly, not just Tumblr themes and stuff) and start building actor websites for myself and others.

    I want to read at least 50 books in 2015. I want to read at least 50 plays in 2015.

    And I want to believe that this is all doable.

    • Yes yes this is my deadline too : come out to my parents before i go back home in two weeks.

      Cheers to sticking out to our deadlines !

    • Maybe it’s naïve of me, but I believe enough ambition makes more things possible than one would think. (Probably not everything, but some things.) This all is doable if you let it be doable, and I wish you all the luck with coming out. You can do it. And best of luck with performing! I was in the musical theater department at my arts high school until I switched to theater, and I know how difficult but rewarding it all is. I send my best for the new year!

  32. • Stop overthinking (this will fail at exactly 12:05am)

    • Go to the beach more – seriously. I live 5 minutes away.

    • Stop being so damn lazy. (see above)

    • Finally buy that bike I always wanted and actually use it.

    • More book reading – less interneting

    • Figure out a way to stop attracting flaky types.

    • Get more tattoo’s (Already have an appointment booked for Saturday :) )

    Happy New Year, everyone. Have fun and be safe!

    • To stop overthinking everything is one of my main resolutions for the new year. Here’s to hoping we can both accomplish this! (Or, you know, at least begin to.)

    • “Go to the beach more – seriously. I live 5 minutes away.”

      Yes yes yes. Do it. There’s something about the beach that soothes my heart and brain, even when it’s cold and rainy and winter. (This applies to the outdoors in general, but especially the beach.)

      As for the overthinking… I have no advice there. This cartoon pretty much sums up my over-thinking, over-worrying brain:

      • I love the beach, it’s one of the reasons why I moved to a beach town in the first place. A nice, long walk on the beach always helps clear my head. Nature is just so therapeutic.

        As for Anxiety Girl – hey, I have that on a shirt! Cuz it’s true.

  33. I have had the same resolution for the past two years and it is delightfully simple: Be happy and be positive. When I started, I began by cutting out sources of toxicity in my life. It was primarily the people around me. That was particularly lonely and hard, but I was able to cultivate myself and my interests. Then I was granted an opportunity to move for school and the beginnings of a career path. It was hard at first to be away from everything familiar, but I’ve come to love my new city and friends.

    I also fell in love in 2014. Head over heels, absolutely engulfed – the sort of stuff people write about. For the first time in my life, I have someone to kiss on New Years Eve.

    My resolution is the same and will be the same for years to come. I’m a happy person where I am right now, but I didn’t get here without a lot of hard work and pain. This year I asked for running shoes for Christmas. I signed up for a cycling class. I’m planning on quitting my thankless job in the next couple of months. I’m going to grow muscles, let my eyebrows go, and banish everyone who has ever hurt me from my life.

    • This was all very inspiring. I’m so happy that you’ve been able to find happiness over the past year–maintaining positivist is difficult but it looks like for you it’s paid off. I wish you even more happiness in the year to come.

    • Getting rid of sources of toxicity is super super important. And I’m really happy you got through the process! I know how oddly difficult it could be, but boy I don’t regret a thing.
      Good luck on your goals! I know you can do it. c:

  34. Nearly midnight here in the UK. Watching the hootenanny on tv with missus and the dog, my shot glass is charged with tequila and I am awaiting 2015 with baited breath.
    This year I intend to forgive myself for not achieving my own high academic standards due to circumstances genuinely beyond my control. I will.get my MA, come hell or high water. I will stop worrying about what comes after that and concentrate on getting there and I will try to read more. Happy new year everyone.

  35. I’m not super big on making resolutions because I’ve learned I’m really awful at following through with them. So instead, I pick a word as a sort of mantra for the year that hopefully will keep me motivated or inspired throughout the next twelve months. This year I picked “BRAVE” because my fears and anxieties have dictated what I’ve done with my life for too long. I’d really like to face things that scare and intimidate me head on in 2015.
    Anyone else do anything similar? I’d love to hear what you guys have come up with!

    • Ooh, I’ve never one this but it sounds intriguing. And it’s a good word, too. I have always let my fear and anxiety control my actions, and I want it to stop. I hope for the new year we will both find our bravery.

  36. I’ll be applying to transfer to Berkeley in Fall 15, so it feels like this upcoming semester is the most important in my academic career so far.

    My resolutions:

    Make an A in Calculus II
    Make an A in Physics
    Make an A in C++
    Make an A in Statics

    Start a blog about US Science Policy

    and trust my own experience and expertise

    • “Start a blog about US Science Policy”

      For what it’s worth, as a fellow science/policy nerd, I’d definitely be up for reading this :-)

      • Thanks for the encouragement. For what it’s worth, I have started it!

    • Ooph, I totally feel you with Calc II and Physics. I was so close to an A in Calc last semester, too. (89%)

      I hope you like Berkeley!! All your resolutions sound exciting. Have fun in 2015!

  37. Inspired by Playwright Rachel’s Incredible Retrospective List of 2014, here is my 2014:

    I split up with my wife October 2013, I was living in Australia in the same city as my ex wifes family and I knew being in the same city with my ex and her family when I didn’t want to be in Australia at all would become a glaring problem and a stress. So I moved back to New Zealand in December 2013 to a new city, the same city my supportive family are in, and to a new job. I have never lived in this city before, and it is a small small town, albeit coastal and kind of mountainous, which is good. Had the town been inland without mountains or the sea but with my family I would have chosen to live in a much bigger city.

    So I had major trepidations about choosing to uproot myself again within 2 years to (again) a new and smaller and more farming and less gay less cosmopolitan less cultural smaller city. I was scared.

    I started my job in December 2013. By February 2014 I was getting positive feedback from my clinical managers which was a major confidence boost. I was still wanting to get back with my ex and was quite depressed.

    In March 2014 I decided to go on an hours walk everyday after work involving uphill walking and a goal to walk as many trails around the mountain and surrounding coastal area, which I did.

    At work sort of mid March I thought I had narrowed down the other closeted queer folk I was working with. One woman who seemed nice and who I liked I had mentioned that I was interested in exploring the mountain and ranges on whatever walks were available, and had anyone done these walks? I got various yeses and no’s and the one I liked gave me a local walking trail book, and said, that if I was ever interested in company in going for a walk up the mountain, that she would be keen to come. Anyway, I was happy for the offer of company and then stuff outside of work got in the way and time went by and I kept on walking after work just suburbanly.

    I started to get to know this woman better as I work with her and I thought well I could take her up on her offer of company on a walk so I asked her and was very nervous she would stand me up or say yes and then make an excuse at the last minute, so I asked her anyway, and she said she would still be keen to walk with me. I smiled and said thanks and we swapped cell ph numbers and went on a walk. I was simply very pleased she would come with me on a walk, which is a bit more of an ask than coffee and something passive such as movies… so I was nervous.

    We met at the mountain… and did a challenging trail with great views on a sunny day. I shared my back story. I came out to her. I asked who else was queer and out at work. She said she was queer but not out at work (small towns) so Bingo!! We talked easily enough and enjoyed the walk and then went on more walks throughout the year. It was great to find an ally who was not a weirdo and who gave me the time of day, having made an effort and taken a risk going up a mountain with me and seeing how that trainwreck could have played out who had a good sense of humour.

    I came out to her close work friend who is also queer. We have since been able (when no one else is around within earshot)to joke around and have a lot of fun at work together. It has been great getting to know these two at work and my co worker on our walks. So asking someone if she wanted to go on a walk paid off. That was one of my risks.

    I decided that I would take a chance with my Clinical Manager and register my interest (September) in training in another understaffed specialty within the area I work in. It involves a lot of training and a clinical traineeship. I have done one of the papers already and got distinction in it. I thought that I would let her know that I was interested and hear from her what the climate was like for such a (possibly immature and impertinent as I was employed to do one role and here I am having the audacity to ask to train within another *much more exciting* role) request. And I do want to pursue this so I am not kind of zen or have much equanimity in asking this. I am invested in it and it is stuff that hurts to ask and hurts to be rejected. So I asked and it was rejected as they cannot spare a staff member to teach me “at this point in time” – so I was buoyed by this as it is not a rejection wholesale of me and my ability but it is more a comment on how resources are understaffed for now… hopefully though more permanent staff will accrue and then investment in my desire to train may become an opportunity that I can refire up again…
    So I took a chance on that, and didn’t succeed in quite the way I hoped, but I had to tell my manager I was interested and I DO NOT REGRET DOING THIS AT ALL, so that’s good!!

    My work and walkmate and I continued to walk together and do things after work. I began to have *feelings* of the romantic nature for her. She had a northern hemisphere holiday planned in June and I gave her a hug before she left. It was the one of the best hugs I have ever given and received and it kind of went on for a while. She told me later that the hug I gave her was one of the best hugs that she had ever partaken of, which was lovely to hear.

    When she returned from her holiday, and at this time we had been communicating by text email everyday as she moved around Europe, I picked her up at the airport and took her to her home. About a week later after she had returned to work we had planned to go on a walk but it rained, so we went back to her car. We began to talk about the feelings I had for her, and did she have any feelings for me…. She did, and they were mainly hopeful ones despite my sometimes terrible unholistic nostalgia for my ex wife which could cloud my judgement over where best to put my heart and its energies. We kind of held hands for a long time. We then discussed the hug before she went on holiday. We then talked about – we work together – how can we go there??

    We have since come to realise that we can have a relationship with each other and work together.

    In August, I started looking at buying me a house for the first time ever. I put an offer in on one but my offer was not enough. I found a house closer to the hospital (my workplace, like its a five minute walk away!!!woohoo!!! but it is in a very quiet street so good for cats crossing streets) and put an offer in and after various LIM, building reports, title reports, solicitor reports, and financial approval, I got it!! I am a very very keen landscaper and it has tons of potential which I am slowly landscaping with much pleasure. The kitchen and living rooms were painted a mint green which looked to me, dark, diminishing and vomit inducing. So when I was given the keys my Father, my woman and I painted these areas Pearl Lustre which is a warm expansive colour which reflects the light and opens the space up. So exciting!!!!!

    So after a violently sudden horrible year that was the end of 2013 and the start of 2014, I took these risks. I am SO VERY LUCKY and I know it. So instead of new years resolutions I am thanking whoever is looking after me besides me. I have gratitude, and I like looking back at risks and going well at least I took the risk, and chose the unknown instead of stranglehold of security and boredom. Thank you for starting this Rachel :):)

    • sorry to hear about your split but oh so encouraged by how things are looking up for you. getting your feet back under you after such transitions can challenging to say the least. if i ever go back home which i will in a year or two, and dealing with homosexuality in a country that has laws against it is frightening but how you’ve navigated yourself gives me hope. anyway, happy new year!!

      • Monalisa, I appreciate your comment. The juicy bits that I edited out of my comment were I was depressed and confused for a long time in 2013, and my peace of mind and confidence were buoyed by my 42 year old self living with the loving revolving door of Mum and Dad. I could not have done this without their help and support. Also my sister and her family are here, they are all supportive of me being lesbian, as is New Zealand law, and my workplace. So it is a hell of a lot easier to cope with other things when these things are available when I need it. I do make a good unique hot mess when I am involved in coping with a break up, I remain confused for a long time. But I do not miss my wife in the same way or with the same intensity that I thought I would miss her. Anyway.

        Your new years resolutions sound do able: what with the gym being free at your university, and did I hear this right… that you studying for your masters is FREE? Wow!!! Jump at it!!! Holy smoke!! Ticket to freedom, girl!!

        It is sometimes unbelievable and unforeseeable how the dots are going to be joined between almost and complete when you look at the whole goal and see a lot of steps.
        Half the time support crops up weirdly when and from people and corners that you would least expect it from. I know that taking risks are the best things I ever do. Risks that I have taken no matter the outcome are the things that I am most content with, because I did them anyway despite any guarantee of success or outcome. When I am about to die I want to reminisce for a bit about all the things I DID DO, and go yeah!! I tried! You do you and things will manifest if you do all that you can possibly.

        Breaking a goal into small steps is something I do too. Anyway, enough lecture, happy new year :)to you :)

  38. My New Year’s solution are::
    – Stay alive mostly
    – have another great school year
    – love my self and others around me

    ^looking so dapper in the New Year

  39. My goals/resolutions for 2015:

    -Run 45 minutes without stopping. I made it to 30 this past year
    -Reduce my sugar intake. Yeah, I said that last year, and only kind-of-sort-of stuck to it, but I’m going to try again, more intently, this year
    -Introduce vegan meals into my diet (kids, this is what getting a PhD in environmental science does to you)
    -Write more. Yeah, I made this resolution last year, too. Maybe I’ll follow through this year :-P
    -Socially transition (more of a goal than a resolution- I don’t need much persuading to do it!)
    -Subgoal: if possible, present at a conference as my actual self
    -Get more involved in the LGBT community in the area, seeing as how I’ve become a part of it

    I’m sure there’s one or two I’m forgetting, but that’s the gist of it.

    • Great job on the running! I really want to graduate from 5ks this year even if they’re just for fun. I think it’s time to up the ante and go 10k

  40. i have about a year and a half left before i get my bachelors and I’m thinking of getting my masters in germany now that its free. I’m 28, and i feel like the next few years are all about transitions. my resolution this year is to take advantage of the gym at my school, and lose weight. I’m about 100 lbs overweight, and i want to be a healthy 5 ft6 yr old woman. I think that this time i’ll be able to do it because finances have always been a hinderance into my being consistent. So my resolution? get to 156 lbs. also figure out the best daily moisturizer that works for my 4c hair now that I’m serious about maintaining my hair

  41. I am excited for 2015. I feel like this is the year things are really going to happen for me because I am more at peace with myself than I’ve ever been. I’ve got a lightness and a buzz. I said yes to asking for help. I’m finding people that care. I care more about me. I can’t wait to tend some budding friendships and date more and learn about my friends and share in their lives. This is really exciting for me. I’m excited to be able to let people in and know me for the first time in my life really. I feel really great about it and supported. I’m ready to allow things,(the right people, situations, loves) to come to me with ease, follow my heart and do what feels good!

    I’m really excited about creating more improv as well this year. It feels so goooood, great actually, to make stuff up with other funny people. I’m also finding I’m really enjoying naps lately and super grateful for the better rest and sleeps. This is worth a million to me. I’ve been moved and shaked and it’s all for the good.

    I feel a trust in myself and my good life future that is implacable. It’s here now and into 2015 and beyond!I’m ready to love better and shine brighter than ever before. Love. WOOT WOOT Everybody! Happy 2015!

  42. Currently living my resolution. First sober New Year’s Eve in… Longer than I remember. 5 years? 6? It’s my only true resolution because it’s the only thing I have true resolve for.

  43. Hey Queermos!!! Long time no thread. I’ve missed you all.

    Anyway, my resolution for 2k15 is to clean my room. Like I mean my actual room in which I live. Because it is a horrible mess. Like I’m ashamed of it, it’s so bad. I need to de-clutter and rearrange and repaint and just make it more me. I live at home because The Rent is Too Damn High and it hasn’t been painted since my folks made it Princess Pink back when I was like 12? Pink isn’t my thing, and never really has been, but I went with it cuz I couldn’t pay for the paint back then. But now I’m thinkin maybe like a blue? Yellow? Aqua? Idk. Just not Princess Pink with a purple border. And I wanna Ikea my whole room. Just change it all. That’s my main goal for the year.

    My other resolution is to clean my metaphorical room. Like my life needs new things. Some “friendships” need to go and will likely be cut off as of 12am EST. I need to take my introverted ass out of my comfort zone more. Must meet new people in 2015. I also gotta sit and figure out what I want to do with my life, career-wise. I’m not getting any younger. What is my passion and how can I live it? Or at least make a profit from it because these bills ain’t gonna pay themselves. I need to come up with a life plan.

  44. In 2015 I plan on joining my local roller derby team and kicking ass. I want to lose the 15 pounds ive been struggling to lose, im going to fully apply myself to throwing this track season. In June im going to graduate from highschool and in August im attending Lock Haven University. My resolutions are to stop procrastinating and apply myself to my full potential. Also my biggest resolution is to come out of the closet once and for all and stop being scared of my father and what he’s going to think about me being a Lesbian. My final resolution is to be happy and not let anything or anyone get in the way of that.

  45. I guess I’m drunk enough to get real with you guys at this point. This year started out as quite possibly the best year of my life, and then about halfway through it became one of the worst. And a lot of it was entirely my own fault. And I’m working on it. And hopefully next year will be better. But I want to thank all of you for being the community that I never had, and for giving me things to strive for and look forward to, and for changing my perspective every day. I hope to change dramatically next year, but I hope that this place doesn’t change too much*, because it’s just the best thing ever. Happy new year.

    *aside from getting super rich because y’all fucking deserve it

  46. The tail end of 2014 has been mostly positive. Had a good time visiting with my brother from college yesterday. My holidays have been mostly spent alone, but there’s nothing wrong with that.

    I’ve been learning to care less about things lately – in a good way. If I know something is the right decision, then just do it, rather than dwelling on a billion different worries about what might happen or what others might think. So this is a goal to be continued in 2015 – it’s an ongoing process, not really with a specific endpoint.

    I don’t really have new years resolutions per se, most of them are just ongoing goals from 2014. But anyway, 2015 goals:
    • Gain weight for health reasons. Be semi-okay with some of weight going to boobs.
    • Status: started. Will probably need to increase eating amount even more, because metabolism.
    • Come out to family. Actually go on a date. Meet a girlfriend and post a lock on the Chambers Bay bridge as one of the “locks of love.” (see below)*. Be obnoxiously adorable because I’ve waited 25 years and it’s my turn now.
    • Status: I mean, I came out to the anonymous internet and began to accept myself a lot more, so I’ve done a lot of growth in that area I guess.
    • Get a passport. Travel.
    • Status: Applied for a passport today! :D Embarrassed I didn’t do it sooner.

    * There’s this bridge that overlooks the beach at Chambers Bay in Tacoma, and it’s filled with padlocks placed their by couples to symbolize their love. There’s hundreds, everywhere all over the bridge. I think they even had a problem with them getting too heavy at one point and pulling down some of the metal wiring. But anyway, it’s adorable. Note to future girlfriend: if you date me, we WILL be doing this, that’s a requirement of the relationship.

    UNRELATED to new years… but who doesn’t like pretty photos?
    Let’s talk about rainbows. Sunday was a very rainbow-filled day. I saw one touching down on my apartment, right as I was driving home. I should just let the weather do my coming out for me. Wouldn’t that be nice?

    And then the rainclouds turned from grey to pink in the sunset from the deck of my apartment.

    Happy new years!

    • Update – remembered some more goals that I have that are a bit smaller:
      *Try cooking that doesn’t involve a crockpot or microwave. (Like, use an actual oven!) (My goal for 2014 was to expand my crockpot cooking, something that I think I accomplished well).
      *Continue exploring state parks that I haven’t seen (my eventual goal is to visit all of WA state parks, but that might be a bit ambitious for one year)
      *Actually get enough sleep when I work my 12 h early morning shifts (for me, this is generally 6 h)
      I’m also hoping to have 2 companion papers published for a project that I was a part of at a previous job, but that’s out of my control at this point since they’re currently in review.

      • YESS the lock thing is such a great idea!

        I really love all your goals. Very brave, very awesome. I hope your coming out is as easy and comfortable as possible.
        And another YESS to getting a passport! Would love to see some photos from your future vacations. :)

        Happy 2015~

        • Dante, you always give such encouraging replies. :D Thank you for the kind words.

          Not sure what my travel plans are. I can’t afford to do anything too big at the moment, but I’m sure I’ll at least make a day trip up to Canada in the near future.

          • Aww shucks, thanks!

            That’s totally understandable. Canada sounds like a good idea, I hope you enjoy it!

    • Amazing photos as always and best of luck with your 2015 goals! I think it’s awesome that you’ve already started working on them and you know what you need to do.

      The locks on the bridge are so cool. I went for a walk with my parents on Christmas Day to the top of this big hill where you can see out over the whole city, and we saw a lock attached to a chain-link fence. We couldn’t figure out why until we looked at it and saw two stick figures holding hands and a heart, drawn on in Sharpie. I guess people are expanding this tradition out from just bridges?

      • Thanks! The goals aren’t really for 2015 per se… just ongoing stuff from 2014. To be honest, the fact that it’s a new year isn’t particularly meaningful to me, but I call them new years resolutions anyway so I’ll have an answer when people ask. :)
        Yes, I love the locks on the bridge, even if it’s a little sentimental and sappy. Each one tells a story, and some of them are decorated or have little drawings on them. I think it’s cool.

    • Getting a passport (and then making sure I used it) was one of the best things I ever did. Good luck to you on getting and using yours!

      Also, your rainbow picture made me smile. When I first came out to one of my friends, I told her, and then immediately went out to ride a couple miles on my bike. As I came back home, the sun was shining as it started to sprinkle a bit and a rainbow appeared right over my house. That’s when I knew that I had done the right thing and I was going to be ok. So thanks for that little reminder. :)

  47. More: risks, mistakes, playfulness, giving, cooking at home, sketching outdoors, hugs, and flirting.
    Less: shame, indifference, cynicism, cucumber.
    Happy 2015!

  48. Thank you autostraddlers for this! My New Years has been a mixed bag: feeling a little isolated as my fiancé and I are travelling in places where we need to keep our relationship hidden. I’ve been feeling guilty for not revelling in how lucky I am to be travelling while at the same time feeling angry a lot about our hidden hands!
    Anyway, this year I am going to be FEARLESS!
    1.I’m going to be a voice for people who need it and that includes myself.

    2. I’m going to MASTER that handstand- pow.
    3. I’m going to finish my PhD- zap
    4. And I’m going to MARRY the face off my beautiful girlfriend- boo ya!!

    Happy new year to you all! I love and need every one of more than you know.

  49. I really loved reading the staff’s resolutions. Definitely gave me some good ideas. :D (like writing a love letter, and improving my god-awful Spanish so mi padres won’t be as disappointed in me. And hey, I can always combine the two and write a love-letter in Spanish?)

    ALSO GUYS I AM SO PUMPED FOR 2015, especially after reading all your guys’ lovely comments~ 2014 was a good year, better than previous years in a lot of ways. I was much more social in the last half, and made a heck ton of new friends! And I hope to continue that this next year.
    I actually have a ton of goals, too many for me to list here, so I’ll just list one. I SERIOUSLY need to write more stories. I suuuck at writing…(I think school work sucked my personality) When I was a kid, I wrote a lot. Although everything was complete garbage, it was really fun! I wanna work on some stories again, and incorporate them into my artwork. (I’m an artist first, after all) It’s a lil intimidating because I have two friends who are god-tier authors, but I need to use them as motivation instead.

    And just overall, I think 2015 will be a year of refinement and fun risks. I’m sending you all positive vibes, HAPPY NEW YEAR<3

    • Yay, I’m happy for you! I love reading optimistic stuff like this. Yes, 2015 will rock!
      Writing more stories sounds like a great goal. I enjoy creative writing too, and sometimes my perfectionism holds me back from doing it more. But it’s a wonderful use of your mind, even if it isn’t perfect.

      • Ugh YES, it’s the perfectionism that holds me back! And yeah, it’ll only get better with more practice. c: Thanks for your response.

  50. Still resolving the resolutions, but looking something like this:

    + go for a run every other day
    + partake in the Autostraddle 2015 NY Resolution 100 Book Challenge™ (aka stealing Heather’s reading 100 books resolution, like everybody else)
    + actually sticking to my austerity budget
    + writing more
    + cooking more, eating less take-out, eating healthier

  51. HAPPY NEW YEAR! PLL is now on British Netflix and this is news I had to share!!!! Seasons 1-5 woop woop!

  52. I generally kind of hate New Years’ Eve, but this one was downright pleasant. I went to stay at a friend’s house out in the country with 9 other friends, and we hung out eating and drinking around a bonfire all evening. At midnight, we all ate 12 grapes in 12 seconds for luck in the New Year; it’s a Spanish tradition which I had never heard of before, but am now a big fan of because it removes the awkwardness of kissing/not kissing people. And in the morning we all got up and went for a nice hike.

    I generally don’t make resolutions because they make me anxious about whether I’ll be able to live up to my own expectations. Instead, around New Year’s I like to look back on the year that’s just passed and think about the progress I’ve made and the things I’ve accomplished. For 2014, these include:

    – moving to a foreign country and living there for the entire year, which at one time was a very scary prospect for me
    – completing the bulk of the data collection for my PhD research
    – winning a prestigious fellowship to fund said research
    – publishing some academic things and marking a few other professional milestones
    – making progress in building appropriate boundaries between myself and my toxic parents
    – becoming able to feel romantically interested in people and even to do a little cautious dating after an excruciating heartbreak in 2013
    – getting fit and strong! I’ve never been an athlete, but I’ve been going to the gym at least 4-5 times a week, mostly because endorphins are crucial for my mental health. And I love the fact that I have muscles now :-)
    – hiking to Annapurna Base Camp with friends for my 30th birthday
    – finally making an Autostraddle account and getting actively involved in the site

    So even though there were a lot of shitty things about 2014, I’m grateful that I’ve made it through another year and even accomplished some things that I’m proud of. I hope to be able to say the same at the end of 2015 – that’s enough of a resolution for me!

    • The grape thing sounds awesome! I agree, much better than feeling bad because you don’t have anyone to kiss on New Year’s Eve. And congratulations on your 2014 accomplishments! It’s great to look back on your year and think, “Yes! I did that!”.

    • Wow, what an exciting 2014! Congrats on all the academic stuff. And Annapurna Base Camp – how cool!

  53. Hmmm… My goals for 2015:
    .grow an awesome afro
    .restore a free bike I got, and start cycling
    .be kinder to myself
    .take a baking class
    .eat more greens
    .have another baby with my wife<3

  54. This year I’m going to find a way to support myself without being trapped in an office with nothing meaningful to do.
    I’m going manage my debt better and hopefully pay things off.
    I’m going to be kinder to myself and try to incorporate some of the revelations I had last night into being myself.
    And most importantly I’m going to write more.
    New year’s resolutions can get kind of woo-woo and that’s why I’m so grateful for everyone sharing. Have a happy and awesome in all the ways you want it to be New year’s day!

  55. I’m going to be more positive, stop complaining and do something about shit. Stop saying I want to do things, and actually do them.

    And budget. Learn to budget. Because this shit is getting ridiculous.

    • Since around May or so, I’ve been using a program called You Need A Budget, or YNAB for short. (Subtle, I know!) I’ve never used any kind of budgeting program or software before, but I’m really glad I started using this – I feel like I actually know what’s going on with my money, and I have so much less stress about money-related decisions! Maybe give it a look? It’s free if you’re a student. Good luck w everything!

  56. Man, 2013 was the worst in a lot of ways, so it wasn’t hard for 2014 to top it. Between still dealing with the fallout from a nasty breakup, to graduating, to my promotion at work turning into a hellish nightmare where I was expected to do two people’s jobs. Although near the end of the year I had a ‘I am so much more gay then I realized’ moment and found Autostraddle, so things were starting to look up.

    I spent the new year kinda miserable in 2014(had an okcupid date cancel last minute), but still with good friends and the mantra ‘self love 2014’. Things started to look up! The person not doing her job got moved so work was easier, I got into law school, I decided (almost on a whim) to go to A Camp, so I had that to look forward to.

    2014 brought A Camp, found family, moving to the best state ever, pushing myself to trust people again, going to Autostraddle meetups, meeting the most wonderful human in existence who strangely loves me back, new friends, and probably the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. It’s also brought me absurd amounts of law school homework and studying, but I know I can make it through that.

    2015 will be the year of salads. Delicious farmer’s market salads that I make myself and bring to school. It will also be the year of gym, as my new found love of beer has not been kind to me, and I don’t want to buy new clothes. I will go to A Camp and be less afraid of sharing myself. I will love myself fearlessly this year!!!

  57. I’m not making any resolutions this year because feeling like I “have” to do something is the #1 way to make me never want to actually do it, like it’s an obligation. So I’m going to live 2015 the way I want to, and that’s probably gonna involve some bad choices and some good ones, and that’s okay, because I’ll be happy and (mostly) healthy. 2014 turned out pretty great, and I’m looking forward to 2015 even more.

    Hope y’all eat your black eyed peas and greens for good luck today! Happy New Year!

    • That actually sounds like a great attitude to have. Bad choices are okay, just as long as you keep moving forward and doing stuff and not staying stagnant. Wishing you happiness and wellness!

  58. 2015 Resolutions:

    1. Quit lurking and make Autostraddle account: check!

    2. Forgive myself and my family for the distance that grew between us when I was a depressed teenager. Be willing to talk with them about being gay, recognizing the boundary between their anxiety and my own. Invite them into the version of my life that is not sanitized to appear “normal.” In progress.

    3. Move out of my small town to a big city with lots of queer ladies. Coming in July.

    4. GRAD SCHOOL! Hopefully in August.

  59. I don’t usually do resolutions…Usually if there is something I’m unhappy with or that I want to change, I just kind of dive in and go for it. For me, 2014 was a very long mental challenge, but I feel like I’m in the best condition I’ve ever been in. I’ve taken small steps throughout the year to be happier, and it’s been paying off. I’ll just have to make sure I continue that in 2015 and beyond. It will involve big steps like getting a new job (and maybe moving to a new city), and little steps like getting a puppy, going to a local AS meet-up for the first time, and going for more walks.

    I do have one resolution specific to 2015, though. It’s more of a joke than anything, but I would like to go a full calendar year without having any type of knee surgery. It would be the first time since 2011 that this happened, so it will definitely be a challenge. I had the same resolution for 2014 and failed. Whoops.

  60. I’m late but I still want to share my resolutions!
    2014 started in the worst way possible, but fortunately got slowly better .. I hope this good thread continues in the new year.

    Then I want
    -to learn how to speak up even if my voice shakes
    -to be more honest about how i am feeling
    -to read more
    -to not go in that dark place again, especially this next month. It’s gonna be hard,and lonely, but I’m gonna stay strong and do it.
    -to learn snowboarding

    Also, I’m glad that many of you want to write more personal essays next year. They’re always amazing and one of my favourite things here on AS, I can’t wait to read them all!
    Oh, and I’m also going to join A+ as soon as I get paid. This is not a resolution, it’s a certain fact.

  61. I truly believe this year will be the best year of my life..I’m hoping to lose more weight and love what I see in the mirror for once, and hopefully I could meet the woman of my dreams..and also my career will start this year, and to be kind to myself cuz everyone else has hurt me I don’t need to keep doing it to myself

  62. Dearest, sweetest 2015, I promise to be good to you. I will draw every day without fail. I will flirt with pretty girls with confidence. I will learn to play the ukulele and sing silly songs. I will maybe start to entertain the idea of standup comedy? No, I WILL entertain that idea. I will accept that my gender is not binary. I will STOP being my mom’s Robyn, and instead be myself. I will make more queer friends, and have a group of awesome dykeyness. I will get big muscles, to pick up chicks. And I will NOT, FOR NO REASON shave. I am looking forward to this incredible year (:


  63. Rather than make resolution for 2015 I think I just have to focus on what I want. The future is always so scary for me. Even more recently because I’ve come so far and once I knew what it’s like to start to have what I want and be who I am, the idea of losing it seems worse than when I didn’t have any of it. I have a hard time not worrying and stressing about things, even when things are good. So even though everything seems really precarious, I’m trying to just trust that if I keep putting myself out there and keep working for what I want, good things will happen. I just need to push past my instinctive desire to avoid all scary things, because sometimes good things are scary, and I can’t hide from every thing and expect to be happy.

    In 2015, I want the following things:
    – a longer contract or a permanent position. Or, if this contract ends, a new job.
    – queer friends
    – a girlfriend
    – to get my black belt (hoping and praying the test isn’t the same weekend as the next item)
    – to go to A camp

  64. I burned all bridges last year: quit my job, moved, left most of my friends, and generally spent the year in a way that I now feel I have to apologize for (even though it was necessary).

    There are so many things I want right now: basically, to turn the last two years upside-down. And to undo damage that started in 2001. Which is probably a little much for one year.

    So I’m not going to think about beginnings and endings at all. I’m going to think about cycles and phases, because that seems more gentle. Hopefully I’m moving into an upswing, but that doesn’t rule out low points. And it won’t be bookmarked by year beginnings and ends. I’m going to be flexible about timelines and won’t be driven by absolutes.

    A coffee mug toast to better times, all!

    • Your 2014 sounds like my 2013. Lots of bridges burned, but no use dwelling on regrets or what should’ve been done differently. Life’s full of changes; it’s all a big meandering story. I love the view of cycles and phases rather than beginnings and endings. Wishing you the best.

  65. Not in the mood to make resolutions.
    In the mood to punch things which is pretty fucking useless.
    Not just cause I’ve got no boxing wraps but because it does nothing. It changes nothing.

    If I was making resolutions I’d try to resolve to see a therapist but the sneaking fears of I’m too queer, too kinky or I’ll get put on something that will deaden me and my sex drive are ingrained deep.

    I should see a therapist for a literal list of reasons. The one in the forefront of my mind at my mind is that my instinctual reaction to a kid who was murdered in spirit is sadness with a heaping side of there’s no more pain or suffering in death. Death is release and peace.
    Took me till the next day to feel the righteous anger that should have been the first reaction.
    Now I’m angry cause of the hole I dug myself living like a person who tried to burn their identity out, who lived like they were suppose to be dead, who picked at their psychological scabs wondering if fighting back was a mistake, after all living has no real purpose or function.

    I’m not in that place anymore where I think I’m supposed to be dead, but sometimes I’m not grateful to be still be here because of the hole I dug.

    Moments like now I feel angrily useless because of where my life is at I don’t have the funds to donate to things that would help transkids and the rest of the letter rainbow brigade kids too. Shelters and scholarship programs not makeup. Grown ass transwomen need help too I know just having a moment of horror for the helplessness of minors.

    I know I can use what privilege I’ve got as afab person to try and amplify trans voices and verbally counter transphobia when ever it comes up.

    Just it doesn’t feel like enough.

    This is the person put their body between an abuser and his intended victim, fucking said to him, “You will not touch her.”
    Did it in the most dangerous place of all in front of that “man’s” friends.
    Not because I expected a pat on the back, but because she asked for help.

    Probably there’s some survivors guilt mixed in my need to help and the angry helplessness feelings of I can’t do enough.

    I want to say I’m alive because I’m a fighter but that feels like spiting on the grave of all the people that didn’t make it. Also that time I did give in I got lucky and was saved by my own ass. It got stuck in the ladder during the backswing of my attempted hanging. Always liked my ass.

    Survivor’s guilt tainting the need to do the right thing and fight for other people with selfishness. Wow that’s probably the most Catholic sentence I’ve ever written.

    tl;dr I am a drama princess who’s too chicken to get professional help and feels useless because I’m not a filthy rich bitch who can save people with monies.
    Also probably a commissioned officer in Overshare Army.

    Have some fluffy baby animals:

  66. …late as usual, but this, my only resolution, just came to me inna flash while admiring a late xmas present from a straight woman friend (who i was pretty sure was unaware of my trans nature and aspirations).

    …a lovely new calendar featuring vintage b+w photos of the kittenish Audrey Hepburn almost brought me to tears with the realization that i’ve been obsessing a lot lately over the life that i never got a chance to live.

    Well, the heck with that, i’ve decided!

    so… while i can still admire the lives of the shining young trans women and ALL the brilliant young women that grace these pages and the world around me … i’m just gonna stop mooning over the lost years and missed experiences of a life that failed to materialize for me.

    (an inner life is better than no life at all, my dears)

    Thank you, AS, for letting me voice a thought that nobody i know in the real world will get to hear.

  67. Hello everyone! I’m a long time reader, first time commenter.
    I’m a 24 year old perpetual student and Cuban-American gay trans woman living in Melbourne, Florida.

    I made only two resolutions this New Year, one I’ve already kept.

    The first was to join Autostraddle and (hopefully) make some groovypants new friends.

    The second is to finally come out to my dad and the rest of my extended family so I can stop pretending to be someone I’m not.

    That second one is still a bit of a work in progress.

    Oh, Third resolution: Buy one of those Snazzy Misandrist t-shirts.

    Happy New Year (It’s gotta be better than 2014, right?)


  68. This is late, but I’m hoping putting it in writing will make me follow through. My New Year’s Resolution is to leave. I’ve been living in the same place for 5 years now and will be graduating in May 2015, so my goal is to go anywhere else. Hopefully I’ll be in grad school and will have a reason to move, but even if I don’t I need to leave.

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