NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Wants Cake By The Ocean

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Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

+ At the Rumpus, Amber Dawn discusses the banned teenage lesbian novel Thérèse and Isabelle, “insatiable sexual neediness juxtaposed with an almost absurd inability to receive,” how sex-positive queer feminist messages can offer assurance and certainty simultaneously, being a kinky survivor and more:

“I discovered Trauma Play like any pre-new-media age queerio would: through an older, hard-knocks, leatherdyke lover. This lover introduced the idea that kink can be used to teach the nervous system to respond differently to triggers, to literally rewire the brain to make positive new associations with arousal and with pain. ‘You can’t get the demons out of your head,’ I remember her saying as she knocked her tattooed knuckles on her forehead. ‘So why not bring the demons into the bedroom?’ […]

I now have a well-established common credo to lean on: trauma and healing can be positively assimilated and very much revered within sex and play. I consistently witness leather folk celebrate this credo, not just individually, but cooperatively. I’ve put on my leathers and gone to play parties solely to contribute to survivor aftercare circles: to hold space where our pasts are acknowledged and our present day desires are revered.”

Arielle & Meredith, by Tara Beth Photography

Arielle & Meredith, by Tara Beth Photography

+ “Is it time for a nuanced discussion about sex and pleasure for trans women? Has the cultural conversation around trans culture progressed enough?” In a conversation at Vogue (?), Nomi Ruiz argues yes, and discusses her own experiences exploring her body:

“As she continued to explore her body, sex became better than she ever imagined. ‘When I was turned on, I would get really wet, and I was shocked, because I’d never heard a [trans] girl say that her vagina got wet,’ she said. ‘I didn’t realize that it would be this beautiful, natural part of me. I was like, ‘Holy shit, this is beyond what I thought my sex life could be.’ She paused for dramatic effect. ‘But I still love anal sex. The best sex is if we do both. But I learned that you can’t go back and forth, because I got a UTI from that. I was like, ‘Fuck, this is what having a vagina is like?!’ My friend was cracking up, like, ‘Girl, you wanted a pussy.’ I was like, ‘This is too real.””

+ Comic artists are getting into alternative sex education and it’s super rad. Ari Yarwood, managing editor at Oni Press and responsible for Limerence Press, a new sex-related imprint that’s releasing Oh Joy Sex Toy for the mass market, notes:

“‘I learned about all the diseases I could get,’ she says. ‘I kind of learned how to do a breast exam, but not really. There’s just nothing in most curricula about LGBT kids. There’s not a lot of talk about consent or communication. And it’s a shame, because I feel like we all end up coming into adulthood confused and unprepared. I don’t think we’re doing the best we can for teens and for kids. So part of this is creating a new resource. It’s about making things more accessible and available for more people.'”

+ People share sexts, according to a new study.

Devorah photographed by Isabel Dresler (support her here)

Devorah photographed by Isabel Dresler (support her here)

+ At Sugarbutch, Artemisia Femmecock writes about being a femme who straps on:

“My first cock was a milky pastel pink that coordinated so well with my mint and pink lace harness. When I put it on, the wispy hairs on my thighs, two chubby bumps for knees, and slightly pigeon-toed feet all defocused, obstructed by that new view. I began to bob and sway as my hips swung and my legs lifted off the ground. I danced around in my new naked, the weight of my cock against my pelvis, brushing my skin as I shook and spun. It was like the queerest tampon commercial dance montage you’d ever seen.”

+ Slang is growing and fluid, and a lot of it is based around words for sex or gender. In Unscrewed, Jaclyn Friedman discusses sexually charged slang and what it says about the culture with Jonathon Green, noting:

“I want to talk about “fuck.” I love saying “fuck,” and yet, I always feel a little twinge, because I feel like the way that “fuck” is used, syntactically, suggests a lot about our negative views on gender and sexuality. Which is to say, specifically, that if somebody gets “fucked over,” that’s a bad thing. If you “fuck someone up,” you have dominated or violated them. It’s very gendered, right, because we imagine that the person receiving the “fuck” tends to be gendered female, and the person who is doing the “fucking” is male, which of course comes with a whole other set of assumptions.”

From "I Thought She Was Mine," a photography series by Leslie Satterfield

From “I Thought She Was Mine,” a photography series by Leslie Satterfield

+ Are you queer and poly? A new Autostraddle series will explore how queer polyamory functions, how it feels, what it looks like and more. Tell me about your life and you might be featured!

Carolyn Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Carolyn has written 1091 articles for us.

10 Comments

  1. Friedman’s quote speaks to me. I get my pr0n fix by reading fanfic, but I find most f/f fics frustratingly inaccessible. “Pussy” and “cunt” sound too much like words created by and for (cis, het) men and used by men. And when you start with the metaphorical flowers and inner goddesses, it gets ridiculous really quickly.

  2. Thanks Naomi! There is little discussion of trans women and sexuality after bottom surgery – even the Trans erotica collection Take Me There didn’t include this voice.

    You do have to learn your body again. And learn to orgasm in different ways – what works for you and what doesn’t. My best friend teased me a bit about being an adolescent girl.

    Dilation is a chore for me, not a pleasure. The dilators are hard and not pleasurable in the way a silicone toy is. It really does take time to heal – and over time the feeling gets more intense. And new experiences can be a bit intimidating – and I feel unsure of myself. I wonder how I’ll feel about a partner using a strap on – I think I’ll enjoy it – but who knows. Though I’m sure that reciprocating would be a very, very emotional experience if a partner desired that. Certainly the first time.

    That I lubricate surprised me as well. Those with earlier procedures don’t often.

    But – like Naomi – I’m still overwhelmed at times by feeling – wow – after so long – this is just right.

    • I think all translesbians feel like an adolescent when they realize they are a girl and a lesbian. I know I still feel so naive and immature intellectually as a lesbian, when reading the brilliant articles written by the staff of Autostraddle.

  3. I am a translesbian who still has a small penis. The main issue for me in having sex with another woman is making sure she knows that I am a female, that my penis has no male desire for any female or male, from the very first of our getting to know each other. Our interaction before intimacy should clarify my female gender to her, so that she can be comfortable knowing that our friendship is girl to girl, and honest.

    If, and when, we have sex will be based on mutually enjoyable desires between two females. And both will feel safe and loved when giving and receiving physical intimacy. So simple if based on emotional connection and truth.

    I think, falling in love with full honesty and candor, before progressing to sex will solve a lot of possible hurt feelings.

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