NSFW Sunday Is Flirting Relentlessly

All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from shutterstock. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

+ The way to learn to ask for what we want and say yes and say no is by practicing over and over, which is why flirting is key, writes adrienne maree brown at Bitch:

“All game is not created equal, and it’s largely misunderstood. The quality of game is much more about being honest and being yourself than being smooth. It’s not about small talk, filling the space, or easing the awkwardness. It’s letting true desire and curiosity come to the forefront of an interaction.”

brown recommends noticing nonverbal cues, being yourself and connecting as yourself, being present in the moment instead of focusing on an end goal, valuing differences, and risking saying what you want so you either get it or know that you won’t.

+ Polyamory! It doesn’t automatically make you cool, it is sustainable over a lifetime, cheating and jealousy still exist, and it can look like lots of different things, writes Tina Horn:

“[Y]ou can also come up with your own design. You and your partner might be cool having sex with other people as long as you’re both involved in the encounter. You might be comfortable playing together at group parties. You might be fine with you or your partner having sex but not falling in love, or falling in love but not having sex. You might want to live with multiple partners, or have babies with certain partners but not others. You might have clearance for flirting, for surfing hookup apps, for doing sex work, for exchanging nude pictures with friends.

The great news is that opening a relationship means designing it the way you and your partner(s) want. You might not get everything your heart desires, but boundaries and self-discipline can feel surprisingly good, sometimes even better than getting everything you thought you wanted.”

+ This is the biggest sex-toy heist in history.

+ You don’t need to be liked by everyone.

+ Just feel your feelings.

+ Having ADHD doesn’t automatically make you a bad partner. Talk about how symptoms play out in your own life, take breaks during fights, and make sure everyone is working to keep communication in the relationship healthy.

+ Stop Instagram stalking your ex and focus on living your own best life instead.

+ Hey fatphobes, stop believing these myths about fat people and sex.

+ Couples fight more when they’re having less sex because people often interpret “less sex” as “something is wrong,” because it can feel like rejection and trigger anger or annoyance, and because less sex can feel like rejection and it’s hard to talk about that:

“So what can you do if you’re not having sex and beginning to feel angry? It all goes back to communication, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable that can be. In her practice, Marin says, she works on helping couples understand that they’re not working towards never being rejected for sex, but being able to understand and process the feelings that comes with that rejection. That, in turn, allows both partners to speak to each other more clearly about their desires. And that means less arguing and more time together. And a lot less resentment.”

+ Facebook is trying to fight revenge porn by asking you to send it revenge porn:

“Facebook has launched a pilot program in Australia to help stop the spread of revenge porn throughout its social platforms. The effort will basically work as a reverse image search for nude photos, but that requires you to submit your own nudes to scan the rest of the platform for pictures that match.”

+ It’s time to rethink infidelity, says Esther Perel in an interview at the Los Angeles Review of Books:

“There is another conversation to be had about infidelity that is less judgmental, less polarizing, and that integrates a dual perspective. Affairs are about hurt and betrayal, but they are also about longing and loss and self-seeking. An affair is about what it did to you, as well as what it meant to me. Sometimes the affair has nothing to do with the one who has been cheated on and that can be rather freeing. It doesn’t hurt less, but it does give the affair a different meaning. In the arts, there are many books and operas about both sides: the person who has been scorned or jilted, and about the person who is having the affair. These dualities have been missing in psychology. Modern psychology forgot about the story of the affair because it was preoccupied with the story of the marriage. The story of the affair needs to be integrated back.”


Are you following us on Facebook?

Profile gravatar of Carolyn Yates

Carolyn Yates is the NSFW Editor and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Bitch, Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She recently moved to Los Angeles from Montreal. Find her on twitter.

Carolyn has written 783 articles for us.

6 Comments

  1. While I think the first article is good overall, I have a real problem with the intro blaming sexual assault on not being able to express desire. It seems like a lazy and insensitive attempt to get attention during the recent wave of sexual assault allegations in Hollywood. People like Weinstein aren’t predators because they’re awkward and inarticulate, it’s because they’re misogynistic, unempathetic, and wield (previously) unchecked power in a toxic system designed to give them whatever they want. As a survivor myself, I find it hard to believe my rapists wouldn’t have assaulted me if they were on their “game.”

  2. Kind of excited for this. Just downloaded tinder and it is kind of cool and not just a sex app. I am kind of for this. Omgerrrrssss. My friend set up my account and made it nice even though I was dying with anxiety. I actually got a match or two I liked now I am so freaked out. Yasss for NSFW Sunday reading my soul.

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.