NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Will Pin You Against A Wall

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Feature image via loneookami.

Khali Carela via thelingerieaddict

Khali Carela via thelingerieaddict

+ Academic studies of adult issues are becoming more and more common, which means that porn is finally being treated as the part of pop culture it’s been all along:

“Why we need good pornography research is because we actually just don’t know a lot about this industry that is very varied, very diverse, that has a number of different genres and different consumers. A lot of people draw conclusions about the effects of pornography based on nothing except their own objection to the idea of pornography. A lot of people draw conclusions about pornography without even watching pornography. They really do take for granted a lot of what they read or hear from pundits on television shows. One of the things that’s interesting about the field of porn studies is that it’s really generating information and knowledge about an area that we very much need better information and research about. Even in the supposedly academic studies that exist on porn, frankly, there’s a lot of bad research.”

+ You can have better shower sex by adding a few anti-slip handles and mats, using a ton of lube and keeping it fast.

+ Sometimes you fly thousands of miles for a first date.

+ Some things people in successful relationships do include going to bed at the same time, sharing common interests, touching often, continuing to go on dates and more.

+ Everyone masturbates differently. Salon collected how 15 anonymous people do it, and some of them are relevant to your interests:

“As a bisexual kinky girl into dom/sub stuff, I get off to all sorts of porn. I find myself getting especially turned on when I’m relating to someone on camera, the girl or the guy, regardless of genitalia. One struggle I’ve gone through is sourcing ethical porn. I get turned on by all bodies, and especially trans girls’ bodies, because I really do relate to being female and also having a penis that’s used during sex. But the very last thing I want to do is type transgender slurs into Bing (surprisingly the best platform to find porn) to find sexy stuff, because that’s how the big porn companies market it. So I don’t, because I’m going to keep my integrity in every moment, including when I’m masturbating. There’s really nothing like thinking about social justice while rubbing your clit.”

+ Anxiety before, after and during sex can be loads of fun, and by “fun” I mean “the worst.” At Rookie, a diverse roundtable talked about body hair anxiety, inexperience anxiety, history-of-abuse anxiety, vanilla anxiety, being secretly gay and not sure about it and sleeping with dudes anxiety, body image anxiety, emotional anxiety and so much more.

+ The ways that values and ethics can play out in non-monogamous relationships are really interesting, and have more to do with the way people live their lives than with non-monogamy or relationships.

+ When buying nipple clamps, consider adjustability, whether you want a chain, whether you want extras like bells or vibration, and more.

+ Smartphones and technology are either ruining or revolutionizing your sex life and relationships, depending on who you ask. At Salon, following a recent Durex campaign (along the lines of, the sexiest thing on your phone is the off button), Tracy Clark-Flory asked sex therapists about smartphones and sex and relationships:

“Vanessa Marin, a San Francisco-based psychotherapist specializing in sex, says, “I see a lot of couples fighting about it — all the time — sort of accusing each other, ‘Well I tried to initiate with you last night but you were looking at Facebook the whole time.’ ‘Well I tried to initiate with you last week and you told me you had these work emails to do.'” She has a lot of clients who lull themselves to sleep by playing around on their phones, “so there’s no opportunity for sex,” she says.

That said, she sees ways that smartphones actually help people’s sex lives. ‘I talk to my clients a lot about trying to build anticipation for sex and you can definitely use your smartphone in that sense to send little messages, you know, ‘I can’t wait to see you tonight’ or ‘This is what I’m gonna do to you when I see you later.””

+ If you’re in your 30s and dating again after not dating for a while, things are probably different:

“Some deal breakers are just as superficial, but people have added much heavier ones, too. In my experience, first or second date conversations already started hitting into the hard questions of children, career, home ownership, and marriage. The older you get, the less time you have, and the less time you feel like wasting on someone who doesn’t have the same goals as you. Still, I was pretty surprised at how quickly these conversations came about. It’s not good or bad, but if you haven’t come to conclusions about these types of things, do it before you venture out into the dating scene.”

Laudam via suicidegirls

Laudam via suicidegirls


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Carolyn Yates was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She lives in Los Angeles by way of Montreal and Toronto. Find her on twitter or instagram.

Carolyn has written 946 articles for us.

8 Comments

    • Same. I have fairly serious social anxiety that unfortunatly gets increasingly severe the more intimate a situtation gets. While I’m obviously glad my anxiety isn’t so bad at work and that I’m therefore able to support myself financially, it’s deeply frustrating that even getting together with friends is stressful and sex (particularly sex where I feel any pleasure) is extermely challenging. I hate that the things in life that are supposed to be the most fun make me so anxious that I feel like I’m going to throw up. There’s little that kills the mood faster than dry heaves. In many ways I’ve made a lot of progress in therapy, but sex remains incredibly difficult 🙁

  1. I get why Tracy Clark-Flory was irritated at the heavy handed approach it sounds like that ad campaign took. I know I’m no expert on the matter, but anecdotal evidence from my life does kind of back up what the ad campaign was suggesting. A lot of times smart phones really are the enemy of sex. It’s so easy to waste time on them in the evening and ignore your partner. And the ways that smart phones can spice up your sex life that she suggests? Regular phones or writing notes could do the same thing. I don’t think smart phones *have* to ruin your sex life, but I definitely think that there need to be boundaries about when, where, and how to use them if you have a tendency to ignore your partner because you’re so engrossed in your phone.

  2. I have to agree with #11 in the Salon article(also shared here) about finding ethical porn with trans women in it. Sometimes even just searching for a star to does ethical porn(like Chelsea Poe) you see the stuff they did for that slur site. It’s understandable that at times those sites do pay better than ethical sites; but, do they(as in the sites) have to use a slur in their site name? Middle Eastern and POC don’t use slurs; so why should trans women porn?

    Bing, really? I may have to look into it next time I searching for porn.

    • ok but more important than finding ethical porn (and if you have a way to reliably determine porn that’s definitely not exploitative that’s great!) or not clicking on titles that use slurs is paying for your porn. here is a link I saw on the tumblr of a trans woman who does sex work about why paying’s important in order to keep the performers (including the real live trans women you’re getting hot and bothered over) financially solvent.

      also is it just me or is that whole part equating ‘trans woman’ with ‘woman with a penis’ kind of fetishizing?

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