Welcome back to No Filter, in which we survey the week in celebrity Instagram and pretend to have close and intimate friendships with very famous people as though we had rich and fulfilling personal lives! Donald Trump was just elected president; I don’t know how to get through a regular column. The only thing I could think of that would be comforting was a cute scrunch-faced selfie of Samira Wiley, and I thought you might feel the same. Thus, we will discuss celebrity gossip and then get right to the good stuff.
First of all, Radar seem convinced that Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor are planning to have a baby, which is pretty out of left field and seems not true? Neither star has acknowledged this rumor, and I’m pretty sure it’s bullshit, but without Gossip Cop or Special Agent Dana Scully around to debunk my theories, nobody can really be sure of anything. Secondly, our pal Ruby Rose is apparently dating Jess Origliasso again? Good for you! Last but not least, Lindsay Lohan is selling shirts about her brand new accent and donating the proceeds to charity, which is something alright.
Now let’s get to work.
Samira, you did such a good job.
You ever just roll over in bed and Samira Wiley is there in a hoodie, looking adorable?
You ever just get dressed up for a hot night on the town with your babe girlfriend Samira Wiley?
You ever gently tease Samira Wiley for holing herself up in the bathroom to take the world’s most precious selfies? Like, you give her shit for it, but let’s be honest; secretly you made that picture the background on your phone.
You ever just give Samira Wiley a baby to hold for a while?
You ever just relax in the shade with a cool beverage and your cutest friend, Samira Wiley?
You ever experience mixed emotions while riding a tortoise?
You ever make a scrunched up squidgey face and melt the hearts of everyone in America?
Or is this your cutest face?! How can we ever quantify such a thing?
Are you ever just so taken aback by how adorable you are in your outfit that you need to bend over backwards (literally) to take the perfect selfie?
You ever get overwhelmed with your own cuteness?
Or do you transfer all those emotions onto this tiny dog?
Join us next week for our regularly scheduled programming, and may Samira Wiley have mercy on our souls.