Post-Election Open Thread: We Love You And We Will Never Stop Fighting For You

Feature image via the Lesbian Herstory Archives at DCMNY

lesbianherstory

In the coming days a million think pieces will be written about how a fear-mongering, woman-hating, disabled-hating, POC-hating, Muslim-hating con man managed to get elected president of the United States. You already know all the headlines and all the takes, without even reading them. The bottom line is that white Americans showed up to the polls in record numbers yesterday for the sole purpose of stopping the march of progress. We are a country built on misogyny and white supremacy, and the prospect of four years of a woman president after eight years of a black president was too much for an overwhelming majority of white voters to handle. And so they elected Donald Trump to the highest office in the land.

I didn’t sleep last night. I threw up more than once. Stacy hasn’t stopped crying and has suffered multiple panic attacks. I am heartbroken and terrified and sick about all the big things a Trump presidency will mean and all the gut-stomping little things we haven’t even thought of yet. I lay in bed shaking last night at the thought of Melania Trump taking over FLOTUS’ Twitter account.

I don’t know what the future holds, but here’s what I do know: You are loved. You belong here. And we will never, ever, ever stop fighting for you. The country didn’t change last night; the white supremacist patriarchy, the hate for minorities, it didn’t appear from nowhere. It crawled out of the darkness where we’ve been fighting it our whole lives. We’ve always known what was underneath the facade of equality in this country and now we’ll move our battle into the light.

There’s been a question buzzing around the internet for a while now, a question about whether we still need queer media, women’s media, counter culture media. Are gay people not the mainstream now? Has President Obama not moved us into a post-racial world? Well, no and no. And now the whole world knows.

We aren’t going anywhere. We are proud to stand beside you, to be here in these trenches with you, to share our stories and our lives with you. You are our family. If you need to rage today, we will rage with you. If you need to cry, we will cry with you. If you need to think out loud, we will listen. If you need to sit quietly while other people carry the conversation, we will honor your silent presence.

Catherine Cortez Masto of Nevada became the first Latina senator of the United States last night. Ilhan Omar is our first Somali-American legislator. They are fighting for us too.

Hear me: We love you. You are not alone. All hope is not lost. We will face this uncertain and terrifying future together. We will never stop fighting. We will never give up. We will take this despair and this rage and we will turn it into action. The march of progress will continue and you are our family and we will never give up.

Let’s talk about how you’re feeling.


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Profile gravatar of Heather Hogan

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior editor who lives in New York City with her partner, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr.

Heather has written 586 articles for us.

288 Comments

  1. Tonight, I will go and do my usual volunteering at my LGBTQ community center. Usually I just sit there, so that the doors can stay open. Tonight I will do the same. I am hopeful. Tonight, there may be some scared people looking for a safe place. And the doors will be open.

  2. Heather you’re a class act and I love all of you. Today I think about all of you and everyone else, and the world, and tonight I’ll open some wine with friends and we’ll hug for a while.

    And tomorrow I’ll research charities that I can support / give time and money to, to fight bigotry.

    The lesbian in me wants to crawl under the blankets and leave the world. The Hufflepuff in me is on a mission to educate and love and make this world better for everyone who needs it.

  3. My heart is breaking. I have never commented before but need this love and solidarity right now. I am 20 years old and this is the first presidential election I was able to vote in, and I don’t know what to do with my achy body/mind/heart/brain.

  4. Thank you for posting this. I haven’t found comfort in anything written so far before this post. I’m just lying in bed crying wondering how I’m supposed to operate today. It’s funny because I woke up this morning and realized that the more common cause for this kind of extreme emotion, anxiety, pain and panic attack has been heartbreak. Fitting, huh?

    Also I need to vent here: I got into an argument last night with my (also very liberal) dad. He was arguing that he wasn’t significantly more privileged than I am. And it made me so mad. His main point was that I am also white and come from a wealthy family. I know I need to recognize my privilege. I know that I must use my privilege help to support POC and trans people and people with disabilities. BUT I AM ALLOWED TO BE SCARED TOO.

    I can simultaneously recognize that others have more palpable, threatening reasons to be afraid while also being terrified and heartbroken. While wondering how this election may alter the trajectory of my entire life. And as a middle-aged, straight, white, male, he doesn’t have to do that.

    Thank you for listening to me Autostraddle. I love you and I’m here for all of you too.

  5. I don’t even k ow how to process this, in some ways. This has been an abysmal year. I’m scared for myself, and scared for friends for many more reasons since I am at least white and dont seem too gnc, I can shut my mouth about being sapphic if i try, ect.

    Its a minor detail but I can’t help but be more bothered my previous relationship ended, as I had hoped timove to the UK and marry her. Not that stuff is great there either but the idea of getting away from this garbage fire country is appealing.

    I’m not though. I’m staying and fighting. I need to find out how to start pushing harder, how we can make Trunps presidency hell, how much outreach and activism I can truly do. I admit I’m not sure where to start. And I may need a day of grief and fear first.
    But thats where I’m at.

    Fear and dissapointmenr and spite, the desire the fight and desire to sleep, in various measures.

  6. I am so angry. I feel bad bc I just yelled at my coworkers who are being surprisingly blase about this situation and they work in the military! and one of them didn’t vote! (They are both Hiliary supporters).

    And most of my family voted for Trump.

    And Gary Johnson voters GRRRRR!!! And what the hell with the incredibly wrong polls?!!!

    And today is my fucking birthday and I cannot.

    Silver lining: I have 2 beautiful baby girls coming in 2 months… (4 days before Trump is inaugurated! [email protected]#@%#^@^$)!!!!

    • I wouldn’t blame Gary Johnson-voters. I respect people that chooses a third candidate because they wanna vote for someone they truly support instead of settling for the lesser of the two evils that is the Democrat and the Republican.

      • Respect them all you want, Clinton or Trump we’re going to win no matter what. It’s basically a selfish vote to “stick it to the man” when really it’s just a waste. The choice was between one American future or the other. So keep your selfish Gary Johnson dreams all you want, we now live in a Trump reality.

        • Morally, voting for someone you support is never a waste. And practically, it hardly determines the outcome of the election since not all libertarian voters prefers the democrat over the republicans. I’d say it’s about 50/50. A libertarian agrees with republicans on economic liberties and with democrats on social liberties.

          • i’m glad that YOU feel okay morally, but this election was bigger than all of our personal morals. y’all knew that there are so many policies in this country that stopped so many of our most marginalized residents from voting and you had a vote and you wasted it. y’all knew how many people couldn’t get to the polls b/c they had to work, b/c of voter intimidation, b/c of felony status, b/c of so many reasons, and you could, you were able to vote, and you threw it away.

            trump voters believe in trump’s view of the world, are okay with electing a racist misogynist rapist to the presidency and are okay with what direction he wants this country to go in. they are terrible people and they voted for a terrible person.

            but anybody who lived in a swing state and voted third party — YOU KNEW BETTER. you knew better and you did not do the only thing any of us could do to stop trump.

          • If all “third party”-voters had chosen Hillary it may have made a difference, but like I said before, it’s not certain by any means that it would’ve made a difference since third party voters may not’ve had Hillary as their second choice. Especially not libertarians. Before you get mad at third party-voters, why not start with all the ones that didn’t vote at all…

          • How are America ever going to stop with this “we only have two candidates to vote for”-nonsense if people that chooses a third candidate gets ridiculed and being told that they’re wasting their vote… I encourage everyone to vote for someone they actually support rather than settling for the lesser of two evils.

  7. I feel like I picked the wrong week to stop drinking. My partner (both of us are trans) has a panic attack from about 1 am until 5:30. I was able to calm him down and get him off to work, but like now what. What am I supposed to do ensure that we’re both okay? I’ve been struggling lately as it is. I feel the need to lean into community and return the favor, but I just don’t feel ready to do that yet.

    • Just lean then. It’s fine. Living our lives and surviving is the most fundamental form of activism and resistance there is. Protect yourself. Protect each other as best you can. Use any help you can. When the final shape of this outcome is clearer, when the threats of this Presidency are tangible we can prioritise and formulate plans. All you can do for the next few days is deal with the emotional fallout and find your centre again.

    • Lean in and accept support. This is difficult and frightening, and take whatever comfort you can find from us and do not worry at this moment how to pass it on because you are already doing it by continuing to live and breathe. If later you feel that you can contribute in other ways, awesome! If you can’t, also awesome because you are still around and that is enough.

    • I don’t think any of us feel ready yet. I’m trans too, sending ✨💕 to you both. I’m all for leaning in too, we just need to recover our emotional balance, and still find a way to believe in love. We are in shock, a lot of us, and we have been emotionally punched in the stomach; many people are physically ill. IDK, just love him, be there for him, this will be hard for all of us.

  8. I need this site, this community, more today than I have ever. I still can’t top crying, I feel relieved to know I am not the only person to take it this hard. I live in the middle of Trump country. One of my two jobs is taking care of my grandmother, both grandparents really, so today I am here with my grandfather, who wanted Trump to win, who laughs at my tears and just doesn’t get it. So I am hungover and sleep deprived and fighting the panic I keep feeling, the physical pain I feel constantly in my chest and I am thankful that at least this space exists, because I could not make it through the day, and the coming days and months and years without all of you. So thank you Heather, and all the AS staff, for existing today.

  9. Four years ago, when my girlfriend and I had just started dating, Obama got reelected. She woke me up in the morning, whispered “Obama won” and I went back to a happy, relieved sleep.

    This morning at 5 our time she woke me panicked and in tears “He’s winning. Oh god he’s doing it. He’s winning”. We weren’t able to get back to sleep. This is a fucking nightmare. This morning on the subway there was an american woman who yelled “Fuck” the minute Trump had definitely won and started crying that very second, unable to stop. My american colleague in the room next to me can’t stop crying either. She’s from Wisconsin. Her heart is broken.

    Everyone here is devastated. I fear the backlash, the effect it will have on Europe, starting in Austria, the Netherlands, France. We have to deal with the Brexit, and now this. There is no escaping, the “another continent” excuse doesn’t work.

    Still I am happy to have at least one more year of relative safety.

    I am so sorry for you. I offer to comfort and to listen in the months and years coming. And if you’ll ever need a break, well, we do have guestroom in our Berlin appartment.

  10. Currently have a 6-9 hour time difference (ahead) with the US. I went to bed somewhat nervous but still pretty convinced Hillary was going to be elected, and I felt healthy/completely fine physically etc. At 5am my time I woke up from the worst stomach ache I’ve felt in years and managed to crawl to the bathroom and throw up. Immediately I knew smthng really bad was happening and that this wasn’t just a random food poisoning or smthng. I thought oh god Trump is being elected as we speak. Turned on the news and was so appalled that he was indeed leading. Couple hours after he won. Was super sick all morning. Feels like all the pain of my community reflected in me. Cried the rest of the day. Everyone I know is freaking out. Feels like the apocalypse. I’m very scared for my communities of people of color, queer and any minorities really. Scared for all women. Scared I won’t be able to visit the US and see and support my other friends (after already being rejected from immigrating myself) because of my Arabic background. So many fucking feels. Time for a big shift and spiritual revolution now; we cannot allow ourselves to be defeated. What can we do now?

    • This was me, too. I went to bed fine, optimistic, woke up with both cats snuggling me on the bed (they dislike each other and are never together, they must have known something bad was happening) and the sound of gunshots or fireworks and I turned on CNN to a nightmare. Haven’t been able to sleep, crying so much, and I’ve also been describing it as an apocalypse.

      I’m trying to figure out what to do next and how to heal.

  11. Hi!
    I’m from Germany, so technically I guess I should not be so affected by the outcome of this election, only I am. I feel as hollow as I feel angry and scared. My wife’s been crying all day and she’s the least political person I know.
    We hold elections next year and this “trend” of racism and fear of the “different” is felt world wide. My hetero friends kept telling me that it’s okay here, that we’ve come so far. I always said that we can’t be complacent. Now my answer that the same could be said about the US.
    I guess what I want to say is: We’re here with you. All the way. If there’s anything we can do, just let us know.

    Jay

    • I’m from France and I would write exactly the same way as Jay did from Germany about our common feelings with my wife today… here also elections will be held next year and there are already candidates rejoicing about last night’s results. But whatever this means, we will never stop fighting with you and we are just with you throughout all this difficult time!

  12. This is the first comforting post I’ve seen all day. I feel hollow and heartbroken today. I barely slept at all last night and don’t know how I’m going to serve people who I know voted for this pathetic excuse of a human WITH A SMILE tomorrow.
    I feel the need to reach out to whatever community is out there in my area or at least spread word and support to the loved ones I have that I met through the internet. But today will probably largely be spent under my blanket and the rest will probably have to wait for tomorrow. I need to grieve for every expectation I’d quietly nurtured about this race and sort out what I’m willing and able to do for myself and my city.
    I’m still very new to Autostraddle but I could not be more grateful to the love and support it has radiated in recent days.

  13. I’m shocked and also sleep deprived. I’m so scared for everyone and everything and I’m full of disbelief how something like this could have happened. My gf and I spent most of the night upset and trying to figure out if we should have a shotgun wedding before January. I feel so betrayed by my fellow Americans, and I’m on a journey to find where the love in this world is hiding.

  14. I went to bed at 1 last night and woke up at 5:30. I laid in bed for awhile picturing the headlines saying Clinton had pulled it off. Then I checked my phone and I’ve been crying ever since. Until about 8 last night I was in denial that our country could actually elect a person like that.
    I’m supposed to go to work teaching 2 year olds soon and I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

  15. It almost feels odd to comment from outside the country, as this is your tragedy and our sympathies might feel misplaced as it’s not happening to us right now. But in the UK post Brexit it helped to know that people realised it wasn’t the whole country, to know that the minority who lost was a huge number of grieving people.

    And we’re with you and we’re sorry. I’m at a conference today and we’re all just a bit numb about what this means for you and the world. But we’re here.

    • Yes, this. Absolutely this.You put it so well!
      Coming from the UK too and feeling the same sadness,fear, disbelief and apprehension today…all I can say is ditto above. I’m new to Autostraddle commenting so formulating a response is hard. I will add that finding those who keep and tend and nurture a safe positive space amid everything is hope.

  16. I love you all. Im driving to my job full of hetero women, all married, all voted for trump because their husbands said so… And im wondering how my life got here. Im wondering where to go from here. It feels like the time to buckle down and make some serious life changes. As teary eyed and stressed as i am, i have this feeling in my gut that this is what WE are here for. We have this amazing community of open minded people and something is telling me were about to be called to action. And i cant wait to fight beside you all ❤

    • It really pains me to read these comments. They’re so full of self-pity, expressions of helplessness, powerlessness, feelings of “terror” for the future. And then, to read your comment–do you really believe that women who voted for Trump did so because their husbands told them to? Do you really think so little of the female sex as to believe that women don’t have minds of their own? No wonder why you’re terrified of the world. If this is how you perceive women, then you must not believe in your own strength. I’m going to assume that you are still very young. You weren’t around when our queer forebears had to hide in the shadows, on the fringe of society–something you don’t need to do, unless you choose to. You weren’t around when our brothers of a previous generation were being decimated by a plague that was TRULY terrifying. Your generation is so fortunate to live in a society that largely accepts you. It is shameful that you are not grateful for what you have, and very disconcerting that so many of you live in a state of such fear and feel so dis-empowered. Where did this learned helplessness come from? Perhaps it’s because you were raised to believe that you could not survive without clutching the apron-strings of a nanny government that promised to protect you in a nice politically-correct, gilded little cage. Well, that, my young friend has rendered you weak and dependent and has prevented you from developing the resilience of previous generations who had to stand on their own two feet and create communities without mommy and daddy government to prop them up. I hope, for the sake of our community, that this condition you all seem to share passes with age. Sincerely, a lesbian who voted for Trump.

        • Its fine 😉
          I didnt say all women who voted for trump, i said the women i worked with. There are only 3 of us. Voting for trump because thats who their husbands were voting for, because they didnt care how the election went either way, was a conversation we actually had. I was venting about having to go to a job surrounded by people i cant relate to at all and dreading how i was going to make it through processing my feelings on Wednesday. Apparently in my area of the country there are still women who do things to please their husbands? I guess we both need to come to terms with the country being less progressive then we once believed?

          To comment on someone elses life and feelings and tell them its shameful that they have these feelings is a pretty shameful thing in itself.

          If i had to guess id say my learned helplessness stems from addict parents who cared more about drugs then their children, and who are losing Round 2 of the AIDS plague you claim im too young to understand, due to IV drug usage. My father died 3 years ago and my mother went full blown in May. Accompanied by the constant reminder that i live in a place where everyone is not equal, id say helplessness is absolutely a feeling ive had before and im sorry if thats insulting?

          But rejoice! My original post was about rising up and fighting alongside my beauitiful tribe of like minded people, not about feeling helpless weak or dependent 🙂

      • You bet that white women Trump voters know exactly what they are doing. Actions have consequences. I don’t care what happens to white Trump voters. Let their daughters die of heroin ODs and botched illegal abortions. Let them lose a job, and the health insurance, and learn what it is like to know you have cancer and that you can’t afford standard-of-care chemotherapy (true). I studied, worked hard, and saved, I am set no matter what happens to Social Security and Medicare. I have zero sympathy for white Trump voters who encounter the misfortunes of life. Call me a race traitor – make me proud.

  17. Heather, thank you for writing this. Please take all the love and support this Canadian trans man can offer. I have been sitting in my apartment with tears in my eyes because surely this can’t be happening. I woke this morning to my LGBTQ friends and family terrified for their lives and the lives of those they love. I wish I could meet all of you who are commenting on this thread, hold you all close, and cry with you. Love is stronger than hate. Love will win.

  18. I’m not from US, but since this election unfortunately affects the whole world… I’m actually surprised, but I’m not that mad about it? I’m not happy but I wouldn’t be if Hillary won either, so. There was no good choice and well, we will see what happens. I hope it won’t be that bad.

      • I think that there are valid concerns from people internationally about what a Hillary presidency could have meant for them in terms of military action, and I can see how some of the fears that drove American people to vote Trump could have left them feeling fear if the tide was turned. However, no, I do not think Hillary would have invoked the *same* fear in POC and LGBTQ people. I also don’t see where Alex said that Hillary wouldn’t have been better. I only see where she said she wouldn’t be happy and that there was no good choice.

        • Dani, I think that’s part of the issue. Voting out of fear (for Trump or Hillary, doesn’t matter) is never good, I mean voting for “lesser evil” too. And it’s not only what would Hillary’s presidency mean, it’s also about what Hillary already is responsible for. But sadly, I think not that many people in US even care? Most of people who see that voted for Jill Stein or not voted at all. Trump voters (I’m not talking about those typical racists here, that’s another issue) wanted change, to get free from corrupted governement. Trump claimed he is outsider, he is not part of that world and some people believed him. Unfortunately, Hillary represents that world.

  19. I’m sitting in London and it is heartbreaking. I managed to cry, at last, this morning. I’ve been talking to friends, talking about what we can do. We need each other more than ever, it seems. But older people in our communities remind me it has always been true, that we have been through worse. I’m still formulating my thoughts.

  20. Thank you, Autostraddle Team, for devoting so much time to be there for us last night, today, and in the coming aftermath. When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was open Autostraddle to be surrounded by a like-minded group of people.

    I am sorry this is happening. Please know that you are all loved here. This is a safe place to cry, vent, and gather together. Regardless of what happens, I know that we will stay strong as a community.

    Every one here matters and is an important part of this world and community. Please never forget.

  21. Oath
    I will stand up. I will not be silenced.
    I will assert the truth.
    I will feel fear, but I will not cower.
    I will feel anger, but I will not allow it to use me to deepen the divide.
    I will use my voice to pronounce the truth. I will use my voice to heal.
    I will stand beside people of colour.
    I will stand beside women.
    I will stand beside indigenous people.
    I will stand beside lesbian, gay and bisexual people.
    I will stand beside transgender people.
    I will stand beside people with disabilities.
    I will stand beside all oppressed people.
    I will stand in the face of hatred and ignorance, and I will respond with clarity, firmness, decency and truth.
    I will stand in the face of violence, and I will respond with peace.
    I will stand in the face of fear and shame, and I will respond with love.

  22. Thank you so much for this post. I needed to see it this morning. I work in the news so I was working last night – most of the women in the newsroom with me (and some of the guys) bonded over the results coming in. I’m terrified to go into work and follow the news for the last two weeks of my job.
    But after that, I want to fight. I want to use my personal move away from an apparently now red state of Wisconsin to give back to those in need.

    You all have my utmost love and support in these trying times. This world needs you now more than ever to be awesome and to do awesome things. Please take care of yourself – turn off the news if you have to, I don’t blame you – and know that you are so so loved and so incredibly worthy, no matter what.

  23. Thanks for starting the thread, Heather. This is a really really hard blow to take, particularly since basically no one in the mainstream or progressive press predicted it.

    I know we will get through this and hopefully it will energize the millions of us who want a better, fairer future than Trump outlined to do what it takes. But for now, I just want hugs, cute kittens, and comfort food!!!

  24. Thank you, Heather. I started crying around 10 PM last night because I knew things didn’t look good, and I couldn’t stand the thought of living in Trump-Pence country. I kept crying until I threw up sometime and then collapsed from exhaustion. Woke up a few hours later and have cried some more.

    I’m scared. Really scared and really angry. I wish I could promise people that I’ll fight for them, and I will, I just can’t yet.

  25. God. I’m not American, I’ve never set foot in the US, but I’m terrified. While we have our own very worrying political problems in Brazil, I know this will get to us and I can’t imagine how. And I shouldn’t be worried about being unwelcome in a country I’ve never been to, but I am – if I ever want to visit or do an exchange program or an internship in the United States, how would they react to a Brazilian woman of Lebanese descent who’s also queer? And I’m trying not to think about how this will affect the whole economy, how this affect our economy crisis. This is a very very shit day. I can’t believe it.

  26. Thank you for this, Heather, and thank you for being here Autostraddle. My A+ membership just renewed this week and I am even more thankful now that this space exists for all of us. This was the first site I came to this morning and even though we are all furious and afraid it helps me to feel that I’m not alone.
    Now to talk myself into getting dressed and showing up for work…

  27. I’m from the Netherlands, so quite a few hours ahead of the US. When I went to bed yesterday I was pretty confident Hillary would win. When I woke up at 5ish to go to the bathroom I was curious and checked the news. I said it was super close and I got scared. When I woke up later this morning and saw 50 unread messages in my whatsapp friends group I knew the world was screwed.

    And at first I was making a jokes, and being lighthearted. I mean: it’s not my country. We all knew the US has a lot of domestic problems.

    Then I started reading the news and a lot of responses on American oriented progressive sites. (It’s my day of, I have a lot of time) I has made me sad and quite upset. If some of his most heartfelt congratulations come from Poetin, Marine le Pen and our own horror-clown Geert Wilders, you know it’s bad. It is a sign that fascism is on the rise and a demagogue for a leader is very possible, maybe even in my country. It is a sign that the world is a scary place. It is a sign of so very much hate in the world.

    I’ve seen lots of sarcastic memes online. “Je suis USA.” “Amsterdam welcomes American refugees.” It’s just not as funny anymore now I’m starting to realise the people who live there a genuinely scared for their lives.

    Good luck to everyone affected by this election. I sent you lots of love, strength, and virtual hugs to make it through this tough time. I hope we will be able to stand together. (I’ll stop now before I’ll start singing protest songs from the 60s)

  28. I’m Canadian, but I’m still gutted by the results. My heart goes out to all of those who are in bad places right now.

    I also just joined A+, because we are going to need this space in the future more than ever. It’s one thing that I can do, to try to help.

  29. I love you all. I don’t live in the US, and yet had nightmares all night, thinking about the possibility that this could happen to you. That this *is happening* to you. Please know that you are loved here, and your community will hold your back even from the other side of the ocean.

  30. My partner woke me up at 6:15 this morning to tell me Trump won. I’ve been sick and vacillating between sobbing and numbness ever since. I am so scared for our community, especially those who are isolated in rural areas. I’m scared for the immigrants in my city and beyond. I’m scared of what all the folks who voted for this man will feel entitled to say and do now that he is president.

    Also – both sides of Congress are now Republican controlled, which makes everything 1000 times worse. The rights and safety of everyone who isn’t a wealthy straight cis white man are going to be gutted and I don’t know what to do. How can we organize against a force like this?

  31. I don’t even know how to describe how I’m feeling other than shocked and numb. Which is pretty much what everyone says after a natural disaster. Except, I know how to respond to a natural disaster. This… it’s like watching a hurricane: you know it’s going to be bad, but you don’t know exactly where or when it’s going to hit nor for how long it will stick around and tear apart your community and hurt your people.

    How are any of us supposed to feel when that many of our own fellow Americans basically said, “to hell with you. You’re not wanted here”?

    *sigh* It’ll get better. We’ll fight, and hold on to each other and be the support everyone here needs, but … yeah. I’m out of coherent thoughts.

    Thanks for being here AS. <3.

  32. As my friends were preparing to make “herstory” yesterday by going out to the bars, I had an uneasy feeling and stayed home. Did I think this was a possible outcome? No. But am I surprised? No. I am shocked, dismayed, saddened. Half of me is all “you have to fall before you can rise” and the other half of me is a small kid in a corner, protecting their head as their body prepares for harsh lashes against it.

    No one wanted to believe that Trump would win, that he even had a chance. Polls predicted landslides against him. Not so secretly though, we still have generations of folks that cling to an idea that our nation isn’t as good now that we no longer fit in the cookie cutter mold of middle class white Christian families. It’s too much for them to bare change – to be enlightened. My state was blue, but it wasn’t enough. I’m not in a swing state. There’s nothing more I could have done. I’m a realist, and don’t like to cling to hope, but I am making an exception this one time. My hope is that a President Trump is something we can’t overcome and become a better nation for in the long term.

    My coworkers are in tears, my partner was in tears, my FB feed was full of grief and shock. We are all trying to process this together, and we will. We will overcome. We will get through this.

  33. I want to call home but I don’t think talking to my parents would help now. I love you; we’re here. I’m going to focus on my teaching this morning and spend the afternoon finding things to do next besides keep learning and sending money.

  34. I’m so scared and so heartsick. I was briefly interviewed by a local paper at a gay bar last night, before things really started coming down, and now I’m wishing like hell I’d used a fake name. It’s maybe silly to be so paranoid but that’s where I’m at.
    Things that have brought me some small amount of comfort:
    1. the fact that Hillary actually won the popular vote
    2. this poem by Langston Hughes: https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/let-america-be-america-again
    3. all the people who are sending out messages of solidarity and moving forward right now, both domestically and internationally
    We’ve never faced anything quite like this, but our communities have been through a lot and we’re still here. We can do this. I have to believe we can do this.

  35. I feel that this will be a wake up call to the American lefties. I think their intelligence and education worked against them, here. It allowed them to become cynical and complacent, unlike the dumbass right wingers whose lack of education enabled them to band together and eagerly, blindly support a fascist whose insane promises cannot possibly be carried out in the real world. They knew Hillary had a tainted reputation and couldn’t bring themselves to vote for her, but figured that her ardent supporters would pick up the slack enough to get her in. And it cost them. They should have just said, “Fuck this – I cannot allow Trump to win.” The mere fact that Trump was in the running should have motivated them to vote against him whether they liked Hillary or not.

    Of course, this is pure speculation from a Canadian who knows dick-all about politics in general…

    • I think this is very dangerous to promote that the right-wingers are uneducated. The only group that the majority of people in voting for Trump was white people, regardless of level of education.

      It’s very easy to just assume that right-winger are unintelligent and uneducated and that if they weren’t so ignorant they wouldn’t have voted this way. No, I know plenty of educated right-wingers who are stoked for Trump to have won. Their racism, misogyny, homophobia, and xenophobia is not accidental, it is purposeful. We need to recognize that is the case because otherwise we have no hope of combatting it.

  36. I woke up at 5 o’clock and rolled back over because it was too early for me to want to know either way. I woke up again at 7, checked, and cried and cried and cried. I only got out of bed by saying “If he doesn’t get sworn in before the end of the semester, he’s not worth failing math for”.
    And I wore my Hillary button and the wristband I got at Pride and filled my pockets with candy to take to the gay organization’s office and I left it with a note that said “Fuck him. He’s not the President yet”.
    And I took off my wristband and my button when I overheard two guys saying “thank jesus for trump” because I was scared and I’m still scared and I’m young and dumb and I’ve never commented here before but. I guess. I might as well.
    I honestly don’t know how I’m going to handle this or if I’m still in shock or ANYTHING but. I guess I’m still alive and he’s not the President yet.

  37. I am still very much in disbelief and shock. I’m glad to have this space, I love y’all so much, thank you. I barely slept and I feel sick. But I’m getting out of bed and I’m going to my library’s book sale that starts this morning, cause it’s usually one of the happiest days of the year for me. Not today but I’m hoping it will help and that getting lots of good cheap books to support my library will remind me of some decent humanity that still exists. I run a self care/mental health group on my campus; I have no idea what to do for our meeting tomorrow. How do I facilitate our group at a time like this? When I’m so messed up myself.

  38. I watched the election coverage last night, something I don’t normally do, and then I went to bed. I had a nightmare that Trump won and when I woke up I decided to check and see if he had. When I saw that my nightmare had in fact became reality, I cried. My only safe space now is at work or my home otherwise I am surrounded by Republican family members who are all straight cis people (except my favorite brother who is gay and he’s Native American) and I don’t know if I have the courage to stand up for my beliefs outside of work. In addition to being queer and non-binary I am also an in-the-broom-closet Pagan. All I can do at this point is pray that we can make it through the next four years.

  39. God, I made the mistake of neglecting my self-care yesterday – it ended up being a long day at work, and then I needed to vote, and I just forgot to drink any water or eat more than a waffle (at 8 am), a handful of raspberries (at 5:30 pm) and half a bag of flavor blasted cheddar goldfish (at 8 pm).

    I woke up and nothing felt real. Nothing feels real still. And now I’m dehydrated and anxiety ridden and the world keeps swimming in front of my eyes. This sucks, this really sucks, and I’m glad that you guys are around and that we’re all around and I know we’re strong enough to fight this.

    We’re used to fighting, and I’d really hoped that we could hang our swords over the mantle and use our shields as doorstops and forget what it was like to have to struggle, ease into an early retirement and not have to worry about the rights we’ve won being in peril.

    I’m sick with worry and I’m sick with anxiety and I’m just sick, but I will lay down everything I have and everything I am for y’all, and I know y’all will do the same. It wasn’t so long ago that we had to do for ourselves, that the state didn’t give a shit about us, and now that it’s looking like we’re headed down that same dark path.

    Let us all turn to each other. Listen to your community elders and learn from their experiences, get involved in your local politics, look forward to 2018 and try your level best to make Trump’s life in the White House a living hell.

    Let us not give in to despair.

    Let us give them a fucking fight.

  40. The rising panic I felt watching the polls come in from my Canadian border town basement hasn’t quite receded like I’d hoped. I knew this was a possibility, but like many of us I thought that American voters are in general decent and kind and understanding. That’s the scariest part. I hate that my American friends, queer, poc, women, people with disabilities, people who I love, are walking around today with the knowledge that their countrymen, their neighbours and coworkers and families and communities, do not value their lives. We love you. We are with you. We love you. You matter. We love you.

  41. I didn’t get much sleep last night, more as a result of the nerve block from surgery yesterday than because I intentionally wanted to see the results come in. I felt very sad and disgusted and scared then. Now I am angry, not the angry crying or despairing anger, but the “get shit done” anger. I am checking up on my queer and disabled friends and family. I am thinking about what I can do and how to get in touch with local activist groups because I am ready to fight. I wish it wasn’t necessary, but I will fight anyway.

    (If anyone needs to talk, I’ll be in and out all day, mostly dependent on how much sleep I get as a result of the pain meds, so seriously feel free to message me.)

  42. This was my first time voting in an election. I was so thrilled yesterday morning to wear my “I voted” sticker to all my classes. I was so excited that I was going to be a part of Hillary’s historic win.

    I’m devastated. I’ve been in tears all morning and was in tears most of last night. I’m so frightened for what’s to come. I’m frightened for myself, for my loved ones, for people I’ve never even met. I truly feel blindsided.

  43. After calming down from this morning, I still for dejected but now determined. I am angry. All I hear are excuses for Trump. All I hear is how I won’t be affected. Do these people not know the damage they caused. So what if he doesn’t do anything bad, a vote for him was a slap in the face for us. I feel more betrayed by my family who voted for him…. Don’t claim to be an ally or sympathize with women when your vote just showed me your true intentions.

    The good thing is that we all are supporting each other. It feels like Orlando all over again though. All the crying and grieving. Like we just lost something more. I am struggling here. I am tired but I will not stop being supportive. I do not wish anyone to feel the fear and pain that we are feeling as a group. Love wins guys. We have to believe that it will prevail.

    After this, I am more motivated and I am studying harder than ever. My wife and I are going to save money and see if we can apply for a visa. This might be the kick I needed to get done with my degree and actually travel the world with my wife. Life is too short to let it be ruined by hate.

  44. Heather, I think what you said here was really important: “The country didn’t change last night; the white supremacist patriarchy, the hate for minorities, it didn’t appear from nowhere. It crawled out of the darkness where we’ve been fighting it our whole lives. We’ve always known what was underneath the facade of equality in this country and now we’ll move our battle into the light.”

    Many of us have, to varying degrees, been painfully and personally aware of this darkness for a long time, but this could be a wake-up call for individuals who don’t belong to any minority groups and may not even know anybody who doesn’t fit into their white, cishet societal bubble – individuals who have remained unaware of their privilege in whatever form(s) it takes. It is frankly tragic that things had to accelerate to this degree, but our battle has more visibility now than ever, and with that comes the opportunity for us to educate these people – among whom are GOOD but woefully IGNORANT people – and for these people to open their eyes, recognize their privilege, question their choices, and move forward with a more complete understanding of what we are up against.

    I also think it’s important to acknowledge Inkspot’s point: “In the UK post Brexit it helped to know that people realised it wasn’t the whole country, to know that the minority who lost was a huge number of grieving people.”

    Look at how the popular vote was essentially even between the two main candidates. Yes, a lot of people gave their votes to a candidate who embodies just about every awful -ist adjective you can imagine, but a lot of people did not (MORE did not when you consider the third-party candidates). This was not the whole country, as Inkspot said. This was not a landslide. The minority that lost was a huge one, and huge groups have power and strength by virtue of their sheer number alone. I hope those people will look out for us. I hope we will look out for each other using whatever privilege and resources we have available to us.

    Lastly, a number of commenters are wondering what to do and how to help and where to go from here. I think Julia’s response is a solid answer at this time: “When the final shape of this outcome is clearer, when the threats of this Presidency are tangible we can prioritise and formulate plans. All you can do for the next few days is deal with the emotional fallout and find your centre again.”

    Trump has been so fucking vague that we don’t even KNOW exactly what we’re up against. We know it’s bad, but we don’t know precisely what form it will take and how it will develop. For the next couple of months, Obama is still our president. As Julia said, threat assessment and concrete planning will be necessary in the near future. We will need to assemble against any and all threats as a community, but to do that, we need strength. Right now we need to look after ourselves as individuals, to check in with each other, to accept and offer support if we feel able, to process what has just happened. First, we take time to regroup. Next, we fight, we defend, we protect, we look out for each other… we somehow get through this.

  45. I’m relatively new here. I usually don’t comment and just lurk in the shadows, but today I wanted to say a special thanks to Heather Hogan.

    I started reading your posts on AfterEllen a few years ago when I was having trouble loving my true self.

    Your posts back then and your words this morning have brought a great deal of comfort to a closeted queer girl from Georgia. So, thanks.

    And thank you to AS and the rest of you awesome readers for making this a space where I can breathe a bit easier.

  46. I really need someone to convince me that it’s going to be okay anyway. The stress at this point is honestly too much to take. And, I know if I allow myself to keep freaking out, my freaking out is going to exceed all logical limits of freaking out. As scary as this situation is, same sex marriage is still legal and there isn’t a wall. Donald Trump hasn’t been president for a single day yet. I want to think that he’s a showman. I want to think that because he hasn’t actually done anything as president yet, we can’t say for sure what he is actually going to try to do/be able to do. I need to calm down right now, and I need hope.
    If anyone has anything reassuring to say I would appreciate it so much.

    • I hope this doesn’t come across as condescending or w/e, but in my experience it can help to have someone else tell me: there’s no right or wrong way to feel about this. For some of us (including me), our emotions can go through like a self-protective shut-down and we feel detached from everything, at least for a little while. That doesn’t mean we don’t care or that we’re awful people, it just means we’re people. And sometimes it means that part of ourselves is walling itself off so it can process at its own pace while we still have to go about the basic business of living.
      If that resonates at all, I hope you can give yourself some space to feel or not feel without being pressured into reacting a certain way for other people. <3

  47. This is more or less my first time commenting here, but I really wanted to reach out and tell you guys how much this website and this community mean to me. You’re all amazing people, and you’re all loved and important.

    This is only the beginning. We’ll keep on organizing, and fighting, and resisting, like we’ve always done. We won’t let them silence or forget us.

  48. When I was out voting I was so confident Hillary was going to win. I passed out early because all the reports were making me anxious and I woke up at 3 in the morning to overhearing someone say “Oh god, no.” and I knew exactly what that meant. I tried talking about how in disbelief I was a while ago and I started to hyperventilate and cry. But I thought this bit was especially great and true:

    “The country didn’t change last night; the white supremacist patriarchy, the hate for minorities, it didn’t appear from nowhere. It crawled out of the darkness where we’ve been fighting it our whole lives. We’ve always known what was underneath the facade of equality in this country and now we’ll move our battle into the light.”

    Now I just feel motivated to fight even harder. And disgust, I’m still pretty fucking disgusted.

  49. Everything is so overwhelming right now. I don’t even know how to process any of it. I woke up, hoping that last night (when I stayed up past 4am watching desperately for the numbers to turn around) was all a bad dream and I wouldn’t have to face this. But here we are and here I am.
    I don’t even know what to do. I’m terrified. I live in a state and city that overwhelmingly went red. I’ve cried more times than I can count, I’ve been nausous all day, and the little food I’ve managed to eat tastes like cardboard.
    Thank you Autostraddle for being here. I’ve come here for years and although I never commented or anything still felt accepted and comforted by the presence of everyone here.

  50. I’m engaged, in a queer interracial relationship, and we live in Louisiana and Alabama right now. We were going to get married on our anniversary in February and then live in New Orleans. Are we going to end up forced to leave our homes, our people, and all the beautiful parts of our Southern culture behind and flee to California or Canada if we want to make this work and be safe?

    I’m definitely going to lose my health insurance because of my pre-existing condition. The coming years could put my health in severe danger. I may need a surgery. If my medicine gets cut off I won’t be healthy enough to show up for one of my jobs anymore and will enter the horrifying Catch-22 of being unemployed and needing another job to get insured.

    And I’m the white one. In the end, I’ll be fine no matter what I do or how I might fail.

    What will happen to all the hardworking immigrants keeping my incredible city of New Orleans afloat? My friends working toward their citizenship and my friends who struggle to keep Latin-American culture alive in their neighborhoods despite the fear and prejudice they already face? Which of my friends will be deported? Will my friends’ mosque that has persevered through multiple incidents of vandalism and Fundamentalist Evangelical protests make it through the next four years? Will all American mosques be empty in the next four years? When he guts federal taxes, in rural Louisiana my state will flounder as our already failing infrastructure and desperate dependence on the oil industry destroys everything in the very towns that put him in office, from their food costs, housing markets, flood protection programs, the crumbling roads that connect the most remote areas to stores and hospitals, the increased cost of living and rapidly deteriorating environment that will destroy what tourism is left sustaining coastal Louisiana. What will happen to those still waiting for federal aid from the recent flooding? Those fisherman and coastal residents STILL waiting for their money from the BP oil spill? What will happen to FEMA? How many more will die if “another Katrina or Rita” hits us under Trump?
    And in my city, the supposedly liberal mecca of New Orleans, and the recently devastated Baton Rouge, what will happen to the inches of progress that Black Lives Matter has accomplished? What will happen to all of us protesters the next time we run into the white Trump-supporting cops who only a few months ago stalked our peaceful marches with drones and covered us with sniper rifles as we gave speeches about equality in a family park with children looking on? Speaking of those white cops, I work in a shelter for domestic abuse victims and we have been fighting for years to get certain officers to show an interest in protecting WOC, not just in investigation and legal action, but literally, on the streets, outside of the shelter house or the office, we have seen officers walk away from WOC being threatened, grabbed, and forced into vehicles by their known abusers and stalkers, twice with weapons. It was finally exposed two years ago that the NOPD pursues investigations on less than 20% of rape allegations. The opening of New Orleans’ new Planned Parenthood (one of two in the entire state) was delayed and defunded for over a year. What kind of sick power will these people wield over us now?

    My fiancee and I could not be together tonight, but we lay together mostly in silence on the phone for hours, holding each other through desperate tears. I am afraid to go to work, bartending at an upscale restaurant and face my upper-middle class regulars who have done this to me with their votes. I am afraid to take my usual role as the brave one when my fiancee next comes to town and kiss her as she gets off her bus and hold her hand in the straight bars we go to with my friends. I am afraid to tell her how broken and angry I feel. I am ashamed of my anger. I have never felt so “us and them”. I am afraid that I will start stereotyping white Southerners. I am honestly afraid that next time I meet a neighbor with a central Louisiana accent I will blow him off and hate him. I want to quit my job and leave the country to be with my family in Europe. As though I think it’s barely better over there. I might. But today, I can’t. Today at least I must take my liberal, pussy-loving, black-loving, immigrant-sympathizing ass and live my life in the face of the country that has finally betrayed me. Tomorrow I’ll start to figure out whether I still hate all of them as much as they apparently hate us.

    I am sick and weeping and hyperventilating and kind of shitfaced. Thanks to anyone who read all of this.

    • Lucy, Don’t allow yourself to look at others and assume how they perceive the world based on your initial perception of them, and don’t allow fear to steer your perceptions of others. You would be denying the world to miss out on seeing your true beauty and the positive impact you have on the world, you would be putting on your own blinders and missing out on so much of the beauty this world has for you, and you would be denying those around you the chance to show there true colors. Some people may prove to not deserve you in there life, but far more people will surprise you and prove that they do. You may miss your chance to show others you deserve to be apart of their lives, and miss out on opportunities to make incredibly positive impacts on others, often in ways you may never have the opportunities to see first hand. It’s the smallest things in this world that make the greatest impacts, you get to choose how you impact others, the greatest way to impact others is by setting an example and a positive example is the strongest weapon you have in your arsenal.

      • Thank you Andrea. I am aware of this and have told other people the same so many thousands of times, but I needed to hear it from the other side this morning.
        It was a really shit morning. I’m still furious and disgusted but doing better than I was drunk at 9 AM. What I said was pretty harsh and your response was very lovely and empathetic. Thank you. And everyone else here.

  51. I’m weepy this morning. I really believed when I went out last night that I was headed to Hillary’s coronation, and I just need a moment to adjust to this brave new world. I’m avoiding post-election mainstream news media coverage at the moment, so I’m grateful for this thread, for both the sense of community and the bits of information trickling down (like the fact that Hillary won the popular vote).

  52. I posted these few thoughts as a response to another straddlers comment on yesterday’s open thread. It may be worth posting them again as a reminder to us all.

    In the past when we were facing difficult and persecutery times most of us had to do so alone and in hiding. Now we have active communities with significant political power. Even in countries that are actively persuing us and harming us there are active united communities and some legal options. We also have the means to communicate nationally and internationally, as well as the active and vocal support of other groups who are allied with us. We do need to nurture these groups and our community. We do not have to face this alone this time.
    The world is changing, in my opinion, not for the best at the moment and many people, not only us are frightened. While fear is a natural and understandable response we need to be ready to be strong and plan to retaliate within the law, with every legal and moral weapon at our disposal.

    The main thing to me though, at the moment is to remember that this time we have real viable, power, morally, postionally and even, as a world wide movement, financially. Times may well get hard but we’re still here, queer and proud.

    As a community, we have never before in our history had as many resources or as much open support. Let’s use it to stand up in every place around the world for as long as it takes for our world to be safe and progressive again.

    • Thank you for posting this.
      Elizabeth Gilbert (who has a lady partner!) just posted “Who Do I Want to Be in This Situation?” on FB. Her partner is fighting terminal cancer so they faced this question earlier in the year. It’s a reminder to me as a QWOC that now more than ever to lean into my power and continue to support those whose rights are being invaded…Because (and I apologize for future-tripping) it seems like things may get harder before they get easier…Even though I’m scared and fucking exhausted…Even though I don’t feel adequate or ready…I’m going to do it anyway. I can feel my feelings AND take action. For me personally, this is where the rubber meets the road. I’m not doing a whole lot of talking anymore because I’m moving into a “doing” phase.

      I love you Autostraddlers and I am committed to doing right by y’all!

  53. I feel hurt. I feel scared. I’m terrified to leave for work because I take the bus, and in Trump’s America, my skin color, gender, and sexuality make me a target. I haven’t gotten dressed yet because I’m trying to figure out what I can wear that’s work-appropriate but also easy for me to run in, in case I need to get away from someone. I’m angry. I’m angry at all my white friends, especially my white female friends, who refused to argue with their racist, homophobic, mysogonistic, Islamophobic family members, because it would make things awkward or uncomfortable. I’m angry and frustrated and annoyed with all of the “how did this happen?” posts. We told you it was possible. We TOLD you he was a threat and that we felt threatened, and people didn’t fight hard enough. I’m angry that white people are telling me to have hope, or are posting MLK quotes, or telling me it won’t be that bad.

    I don’t feel like an American.

    • I wish you could feel like an American. So many of us know that you are and want, need, you to stay that way. This is a sickening and shameful time and I am just unspeakably sorry that your friends have let you down. I don’t honestly know if I can help you to have hope, but I’m feeling right now like we have our anger at least, and we need to figure out how to use it effectively. That’s what Trump just did with conservative voters. Maybe we can do it too.

  54. I think we’re all feeling the same way right now. I have made it into work, despite crying halfway through my drive this morning (that’s not fun, btw). Last night I only cried once, not long before I went to bed. This morning I can’t stop crying. And I don’t know how I am going to make it through my work day.

    The thing that made me cry last night was something my mom said. While my dad has been away on business she’s been staying at my house and we’ve been having fun girls nights, catching up on TV and fussing over my cat. The culmination was supposed to be a celebratory election night. But that didn’t happen. Anyway, just before my mom went to bed she told me she was so sorry. Not for herself, but for me. She said she’s old, so it doesn’t matter who is president, but she feels so awful for me and my future. Keep in mind my mom is on Obamacare because she works part time and my dad is old enough to be on Medicare. She also has a preexisting condition which would make her ineligible for coverage under the old health care system. So this really might affect her. But the fact that she is more worried for my welfare than her own speaks volumes.

    I joked a lot about moving back to the UK if Trump was elected. I didn’t think it would actually happen.

    (Please excuse any typos, it’s really hard to see through the tears)

  55. I’m here at the public library where I work, alternating between going upstairs to cry with the reference librarians and then coming back downstairs to hide in my basement office and try to get something done. We librarians are shocked but ready to stand with and stand up for the most vulnerable in our community, as we do every day. I hope you all have a library where you feel welcome to come in and read or just sit as long as you like.

  56. The election of Donald Trump is terrifying. I’m worried for all the American ‘Straddlers, and for all my friends in the US, especially those who are female, queer, Jewish, Muslim, and people of colour. I’m worried for the state of American democratic institutions. I’m worried for the state of our planet. My heart fucking BREAKS when I think about Hillary Rodham Clinton and how hard she worked for this and how qualified she is and how much she fucking deserves this and how much she’s been screwed over.

    I’ve been paying very close attention to this election for a year and a half now, and since I’m Canadian, many people have asked me why I care so much, since none of it is going to affect me. And it’s true, my right to vote, my right to marry, my right to get an abortion, these things will not be taken away from me. I am safe.

    But there are issues in this campaign that transcend international borders. The environment, the stock market, the rise of the alt-right, trade, military alliances, the NUCLEAR FUCKING CODES. The mainstream normalization of racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, Islamophobia, and anti-semitism. THE GODDAMN FUCKING PATRIARCHY. These issues are not unique to America. We face them here in Canada, and all around the world.

    Thank you for the comforting words, Heather, and everyone who has commented. I honestly don’t know what else to say.

    • I’ve been expressing my own concern all over the place, but it bears repeating. Donald Trump’s victory is already fanning the fires of bigotry and ignorance here in Canada. Most of the commenters on CBC’s website are creaming themselves. Like you said, these problems aren’t unique to the U.S. And since we’re so culturally similar to the U.S. and in such close proximity to them, I fear that a Trump presidency will encourage a Canadian crazy to rise up through the ranks and become our next PM.

    • “But there are issues in this campaign that transcend international borders. The environment, the stock market, the rise of the alt-right, trade, military alliances, the NUCLEAR FUCKING CODES. The mainstream normalization of racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, Islamophobia, and anti-semitism. THE GODDAMN FUCKING PATRIARCHY. These issues are not unique to America. We face them here in Canada, and all around the world.”

      Yes! Exactly that!

  57. I’m so scared. It’s not supposed to go like this. History is supposed to be a slow upward march towards progress, but now I feel like this has set us back so far. It’s like we’re Sisyphus and we were almost at the top but then the flipping boulder rolled back and crushed us and our families and everything and everyone we hold dear.

  58. I don’t understand. Went to bed confident of her win. Woke up at 6:15 a.m. to my roommate yelling, “Trump won. I’m not joking about this. Get down here. Trump won. I’m being serious!” I cried twice before going to work and acting like an adult while telling 11-year-olds who were yelling “Trump Won” to do their classwork.

    And my father sent me an e-mail at 4:30 am. about how great it was Trump won and “Congratulations,” followed up with a link to an NY Post article all about it. Ugh.

  59. I have a student visa to the UK for next fall. My parents may be moving to new zealand. I may be leaving and never coming back. I hate that I feel like I have to do this to the only home I’ve ever known, but I can’t stay here with that clown of a man as president. As a woman and visibly queer person, I don’t feel like the government will protect my rights anymore. I hope it won’t be as bad as I expect it will be. I am extremely privileged as a wealthy person in that I can leave, but the majority of queer women are not in that situation. I fear for our safety.

  60. My emotions are fried. My partner and I go to grad school together and I am usually not one for any forms of PDA but we held hands all the way into our office while I cried a little. I composed myself, went to fill up my water bottle and overheard two professors lamenting the results and one (a white male) wrung his hands and said “I’m terrified for my friends, for people of color, for members of the LGBT community. And I’m ashamed at the relief I feel that none of these terrible things will happen to me.” And then I lost it all over again. It’s going to be a long day.

  61. Mate… I haven’t felt this angry since Brexit.
    To everyone currently dealing with this in America, I’m so, so sorry.

    I’m from the uk and I guess most of my friends are very distanced from the US election, because I started to vent about how anxious I am , and they tried to assure me that he’s the lesser of two evils, and that Hillary would have started a war with Russia.
    Autostraddle has offered more support and comfort than the people I actually know, so thank you.

  62. I’m really struggling today. I already have been dealing with PTSD-related issues because of my job and my misogynist boss, and now this. I seriously need to find a new job, and a new country too while I’m at it.

        • Update!!! I quit my job today! After taking time to mourn, I decided to take all of this sadness and rage surrounding the outcome of the election and channel it into being kinder to myself! Last night I threw my bathroom scale in the garbage, cooked some good comfort food, and ordered some queer graphic novels. And today, I finally left my awful awful job. (I work three jobs so it won’t hurt my wallet much.) This feminist is ready to take on the world!

  63. I love you all. Thank you, Heather and Autostraddle, for the space and the community. Thank you all for your thoughts and your grief. I feel less alone.

    I don’t have many words right now, but I do have <3. I am thinking of you and I know that I can and will work harder to make this country more like that I had the luxury of thinking it was at one time in my life. You are all in my thoughts and we are here.

  64. I had an emotional meltdown last night. I just feel scared, panicked, and generally disgusted with the people who voted for this disaster. My muslim american boyfriend comforted me and I was just like “how are you not freaking out?!”. Heartbroken is the right word. My heart is fluttering, I am crying at unexpected moments, I can barely sleep…

    I mourn the optimism that I felt yesterday about having our first female president. My naive hope flipping through women visiting Susan B Anthony’s tomb… I worked Hillary’s campaign on the ground in NH and Florida and I knew that there was en enthusiasm gap. I just hoped it wasn’t enough to close the polling numbers. I felt the wonderful sisterhood of 60,70 and 80 year old women working the streets with me on the campaign. I felt empowered. I felt that women were finally throwing off this weight we live under. I am so proud of how women have defended themselves this year. I am so proud of how I have seen women learn to talk about the sexism that controls our lives. I am so proud of how we have learned to fight. I don’t understand why the younger generation of women didn’t seem inspired by this moment, but I know that they will need the wisdom of these battle-hardened women warriors over the next 4 years.

    Please write an article outlining ways we can get involved to help win the next elections. midterms and 2020. I can’t read the news right now but I want to focus on positive things I can do to make the next election different. Register Hispanic voters in Arizona? Join local groups to support the coming assault on gay and transgender rights? I live in LA and I just feel like I can’t make a difference in these battleground states. Step by step, we have to start building the coalition and support that can stop this hatred.

    Please encourage more women to run for office. The Democratic party is aging. We need new faces. If you don’t like our politicians, now is the time to fight back! Donald Trump didn’t sit at home worrying about whether he was qualified. Be brave, put yourself out there and ask for other women, and this blog!, to support you. We rise together, one by one. My one highlight of the night was giving money to a young female Vietnamese woman who won her seat to be a local judge by only a few hundred votes. I plan to work more campaigns of people running to support my values.

    At least after a lot of self care, spending time with loved ones, turning off the news, meditation and rest. This too shall pass

  65. As I was lying awake earlier (I did finally fall asleep at some point), I found myself torn between two thoughts. One of leaving the country and starting anew someplace like Denmark, and the other that the horror clown (thank you, German newspaper, for this accurate assessment of the man) only have two years apparently free reign to enact their agenda if we can push hard enough in the midterm elections. Hopefully even some of the white people drawn in by this insane con will have woken up to the terrible mistake they made by then.

  66. I threw a Hillary party with a view of the Texas state capitol and we drank whiskey and ate queso and slowly sunk into a state of disbelief. I already bought my plane ticket to D.C. for the inauguration! I wrote a heartfelt letter about my lifelong love for Hillary to send to my representatives while requesting inauguration. It seemed impossible for her to lose to him. It still doesn’t seem real.

    At 3am I posted this facebook status, effectively outing myself to my extended family, coworkers, and distant friends:

    This is absolute bullshit. I’m angry and ashamed to live in such a bigoted country and state.
    And it DOES matter.
    It matters to me, a queer woman with student loans and health insurance dependencies, and it matters to my female, queer, trans, and poc friends. It matters to the disability community and religious minorities, to immigrants and refugees.
    It matters to my clients at my graduate school social work field placement.
    It matters to the fucking planet when the president-elect refuses to accept the scientifically proven threat of climate change and promises to abolish the EPA.
    Politicians make decisions that directly impact our lives.
    And not only am I crushed that a brilliant, accomplished woman who has dedicated her life to public service didn’t get elected, I’m terrified because the guy who won hates everything about me except my white skin.

  67. This is my first comment here. I’ve been lurking for about a month. This is probably going to be long and rambling. I am, due to finances, stuck living with a deplorable for a parent in a small Midwestern town that had been positively coated in trump (I will not capitalize his name) signs. The shear volume of the things, especially compared to the 4 whole Hilary signs I’d seen, had been giving me an uneasy feeling in the back of my mind. I chose to ignore it at the time. When I went to vote yesterday, in defiance of my location, I dressed for NYC and attached rainbow things to my bag, so that there would be no mistaking my choice of president. The usually friendly old ladies who run the polls were decidedly less so once they saw me. I had been really looking forward to seeing the entire town dejectedly removing their trump signs.

    As a mentally ill non-binary queer survivor of sexual assault, I feel terrified and incredibly isolated, but I am also raging. I felt this same rage after the Orlando tragedy, and it inspired me to come out to my immediate family and connect with my queer extended family members that I never had the opportunity to get to know. Rage makes me brave and defiant. It should allow me to get things done and be more open about my queerness. I hope it’ll last.

    To my fellow isolated LGBTQIA people (and anyone else who needs to hear this): I see you. I hear you. You are not alone. You are brave. Braver than anyone who put an endorsement of hatred in their yard. You are strong. Stronger than anyone who has never lived in fear. You are precious. You are important. You are wanted. And you are loved. Always, always loved.

    • Im also a survivor of sexual assault. It was 12 years ago and Ive never really talked about it. Then today happened. And the flood gates broke open. People want to know why im so upset? Because the man about to run our country is teaching boys that sexual assault is just something they do, its no big deal. They are men. They cant help themselves. Bull shit. Bull fucking shit.

      I havent been able to get it together at all today. But thank you for this post.

      For all these posts.

      Because you understand my pain. And in that understanding its helping me pull it together a little bit. We all have each other.

      Once again AS is saving my life.

  68. It feels like after September 11th did here in NYC. People were calling WNYC this morning, like they did then. There’s this general shock, made worse depending on who you are and whom you love. Some people cry, some throw up, some have panic attacks, some are numb (I’m numb). No one knows what to tell their children, how to make them feel safe. It may last for days, the shock. But it will pass.

  69. I’m scared of what’s next as a trans-femme queer Jew with Iranian heritage. I get he has family/in-laws who are Jewish, but the fact of the matter is he has actual KKK, Nazi, and white power groups supporting him. That’s scary enough to have many people worried, specially since some of them are out here in the rural parts of Southern California and like to hangout at the beach. I’ve seen & heard what these people can do. I know a person who his first day in jail(in California) was violently attacked by a white power group, because he had Star of David(Jewish star) on his arm. Said it was the scariest moment of his life(especially since he also was having opioid withdrawls). He was lucky he knows self-defense and prison guards were there to stop it, but still that still a reality for many of us non-whites(and non-European whites), non-Christian, LGBTQ, and women. Hell, just last night I had a guy try to car jack my father and I. The guy was fucking white, and he was mad we were touching him as we tried to pull him out the fucking car.

    That all said, I am very thankful for Autostraddle community for everything they have given. I feel comfortable here and know that I am safe. I am also thankful to be in California, because at least we did somethings right like vote no on 60(the condoms in porn law), and legalize cannabis, and have a democrat woc win senate, Kamala Harris(who won again another democrat woc). Also, there is fact that he burned bridges with many of the established Republicans, may make things harder for him, and some in the Republican community want to impeach him.

    As I was about to post this a semi-regular customer(I think is Latinx heritage) who buys goods to sell on the street said he’s concerned about his customer base, some which are Latinx people. He was a little too panicky, but his concerns of POC buying less out of certain fears could be valid. I’ve also seen at least 3 homeless men of color crying over last nights news, and a homeless white woman worried she may be vilified for being a woman. Troubling times indeed.

  70. Having witnessed the elections go down from afar (an Atlantic away to be blurry), I shivered most of the night and stood in shock this morning because when I unwillingly fell asleep on my keyboard I still felt somehow confident that my tired eyes were not to be trusted and it would all unravel beautifully, as we’ve been told it would since the beginning. The thing is, where I am we never really feared this outcome, we never considered it as a possibility.

    I hurt for you all ever since I’m awake, I cried and didn’t know who to reach for because this is not my country, not my president, but you are my people. You are the family I turned to on many occasions without anybody around me knowing about you or what those occasions might be, you gave me so much strength and confidence and filled my mind with curiosity, laughter, aspirations, and beautiful beautiful hope. Today I’m still a lot about fighting against things, but tomorrow I wish to be one to pass on the best you inspired in me, and fight for it.

    This here is a splendid community, it’s been the right soundtrack, the kind that helps you make sense of what you see and morphs itself into what you feel. The kind you rely on when you don’t have the words – which, often, I don’t, and you’ve been there every. single. time. And the right soundtrack, well, sometimes it seems like it’s all that’s needed to never, ever go down, fight or not. I had this to remind me of it today !

    Cheers from a french human who learned so much from you, included how to write semi-grammatically correct sentences in English. You’re in my mind, and you are so very strong.

  71. I’m German so this doesn’t affect me nearly as much as most people here but I’m still really shocked and scared. Sending my love to all of you. You are all amazing and strong for making it through this day.

  72. Here’s an uplifting anecdote about a small positive gesture:

    The barista at my cafe was new to me and was wearing rainbow sparkle doc martins. I complemented her on them and she exclaimed “Yes! Thank you! That was the point, to try and do something positive!”

    We chatted a bit (I’m visibly queer so the conversation was predicated on the understanding that we’re both trying to deal with the election outcome this morning). She said some positive things about how it brings people together. It was good to chat with her.

    Then the health inspector walked in to test out the cafe, and she said “Really? Today the inspection?” lol it’s fine I’m sure, just bad timing.

    Anyway, cheers to you good people, coming together today.

  73. I’m British (and increasingly ashamed to be) and I just want to say that here in the UK, we know that half of you (more – the people who were too young to vote, too) did not want this, that half of you are as devastated as we were when the Leave campaign convinced enough voters to tear us out of the European Union (for very, very many of us, against our will). I’m so so sorry this is happening to your country and to our world. I’m very afraid for what is to come in Europe, for the effects of a Trump presidency in the US and across the world, and for the environment and the planet. But I’m so grateful for Autostraddle, for the work all the writers do here and for the community you provide. Thank you for this safe space that’s fun and informative and inspiring. I know that insightful and thoughtful articles here will inspire me to do what I can to stand up to the far right, the racism, xenophobia and homophobia.

  74. I didn’t feel like watching the election results last night, so I fell asleep on the couch watching stuff on Hulu. I came to around 2:30 this morning and was afraid to look at my phone. Like if I don’t know then it’s not happening.. like Schrodinger’s president lol. When I finally did look and saw the results, I stared at my phone in shock and started crying. I didn’t get back to sleep. I’m finding it a bit hard to focus at work today but I’m mostly functioning.. just feeling a general uneasiness and anxiety. I have an almost-2-year-old niece, and I worry about what kind of world she’s going to grow up in, especially here in Texas. Thankfully my parents are not Trump supporters, so I was able to commiserate via text with my dad and brother this morning.

  75. Like many have said, this is the most comforting thing I’ve read yet today – thank you thank you thank you.

    I have a standing therapy appointment at 10 on wednesdays and I have never been more grateful for it than I am today. Usually I’m the only client in the office at that hour. Today every therapist was on duty and every door said “in session.” My therapist had been there since 8am and is booked solid until 10pm. I didn’t even make it to the couch before I started to cry and managed to get out the words, “I have never been more afraid of the future than I am right now.”

    I guess I share this to say, that everything is terrible, but therapists are working overtime to help us make it through this and HRC’s concession speech was brave and classy and full of hope that I can not conjure in myself right now. I am definitely not a therapist but I am really good at listening and so if you need someone to hear you, I am here for you. We’ve had the wake up call of a lifetime and now I place my hope in the idea that we will start right now to help those who need help and fight for the rights we refuse to give up.

    My therapist didn’t know what Pantsuit Nation was, because he is a he and that’s how well we have hidden that site from men, that even a super liberal, super gay man hadn’t heard of it. That site is also giving me a lot of hope today. We will organize. We will march. We will fight.

    Because I am angry. I am sad and a lot of other feelings too and I will cry all day and for several days to come I’m sure. But then the sadness will burn away and I will just be angry. And I will use that anger to say what I think, to fight for what’s right, to scream into the crowd that I am here and you can’t erase me.

    They wanted to turn back the clock on America? Fine. I will embrace the spirit of the suffragettes, of the civil rights activist, of the trans women who started the fucking Stonewall Riot.
    I will not go quietly into this good night.
    Come at me mother fuckers.

  76. I was sitting in my train, here, in Germany,this morning, shell shocked, and then my eyes fell on the date and I did get chills.
    The 9th of November is the date the Wall fell, but it is also the date of the Reichskristallnacht and now Trump.
    I felt suffocated by being squeezed in history’s unforgiving fist in that moment.
    The trees outside the window, almost barren now, with winter fast approaching, weren’t the trees I usually glance out to.
    Filled with early morning fog, hiding deer and rabbits and low circling hawks once in a while.
    These trees, today, they were different.
    These were the selfsame trees the now dead had tread amongst.
    In their striped pyjamas, their rags.
    Stumbling, hiding, from dogs and fellow countrymen.
    These things weren’t from old books, stories heard and read so many times the reality of them was lost in the telling.
    These things happened.
    They really did.
    And I felt them, as history settled all around me, heavy with reminders, crackling bitterly with the irony of dates.
    There is no doubt, in my mind, after Brexit, and now, after Trump, that we,too, will fall into the eves of darkness come next year.
    History was this surreal creature before.
    Now it’s not.
    Now it’s here.
    But how will we stand up?
    How will I?
    That’s the only part that hasn’t been written before.

    • “Cometh the hour, Cometh the man!” Or, for us,more likely, a woman or many women, all of us.

      What I’m trying to suggest is that none of us will know who will lead us or if we will all lead each other, my guess is that now is the time we learn the skills to co-operate.

      Perhaps that time is on the way. It looks like it to me. We will be humans too, I expect myself to stand up, I have before but will I be able to next time? Good Luck to us all.

      Remember that it takes us courage every day just to be who we are.

    • thank you, thank you, thank you for this comment. you’ve summed up how I feel more eloquently thank I could.

      ‘I felt them, as history settled all around me, heavy with reminders, crackling bitterly with the irony of dates.’

      keep writing you <3

  77. The most infuriating part of this whole election from start to now for me is

    A)conservatives of the GOP trying to convince themselves that Trump doesn’t represent their values, nor do the rabble he attracts

    B) those same people trying to lie to themselves that he’ll be a good president, he’ll reign the bluster in like he MUST do in a business setting

    C) Hillary would be the one, not Trump, to get the nation endangered or embroiled in unnecessary wars b/c emails and unprotected data

  78. Sympathies from Eastern Europe. In October I had a very disappointing parliament election in my country too. After I heard the results I switched off all the news until today when I decided to check who won the US president election. Unfortunately you have a similar situation there as well.

    It looks like the world is in a state of flux right now. Usually it gets much worse before it gets better.

    Good luck and stay safe.

  79. Last semester I had a student who trusted me a lot with some of the things going on in her life. We had a great relationship, but she never told me she was queer. Today she was crying in the hall worried about how this election is going to impact her as a queer woman (she was talking to a friend, not me).

    I want to reach out, but I don’t want to impose. This was not information she shared with me directly, which is my hesitation for contacting her . (If I were her it would mean a lot to me if someone reached out—– But not everyone is me. ) What are your opinions? Reach out, don’t reach out? If to reach out what approach should I take????

    • I think that if you had formed a relationship with this student, I think you could reach out to her, but I wouldn’t make the content about her orientation. If you did have a great relationship, perhaps there were some other things about her that you could mention in your message that might warrant you reaching out to her? (e.g. if you knew she was liberal, politically interested, etc.)

    • Were you out to this student about being queer yourself? It would be very easy to reach out to her in general and just check in with how she’s doing now. If you were open about being queer, it would also be easy to bring that up again and naturally talk about things from your perspective. I think that would create a safe environment if she chooses to talk about her queerness and related worries with you.

      Personally, I would feel like my privacy had been violated if someone brought up information they had learned by overhearing me. But I would also feel really supported if a teacher said to me, “Hey, I noticed you were upset yesterday. Is everything okay? I’m free to talk if you want.”

      • Thanks guys.

        I think I will email her and see if she can stop into my office and will face to face this without bring up her queerness, while still bringing up my own.

        I’ve found that the few students I have spoken too just really really want someone to listen to them. I fuckin’ love my students, and I hate seeing them in all this pain. This is horrific.

  80. I made a list of self-care things that work for me (YMMV) and I thought I’d share it here for anyone who needs it:

    bubble bath
    tea
    clean sheets
    scrub kitchen/bathroom
    blanket fort
    bake bread
    Harry Potter marathon
    gym
    skate
    walk in the woods
    drink water
    animal videos
    pet an animal
    PJs
    breakfast for dinner

  81. Also heartbroken. Have been texting a few friends, spent the morning in bed with girlfriend, am at work to be with my clients wherever they’re at. I know we we live ina dangerous, broken world and I know I will do what I can to make the world safer for folks, but today I am not finished feeling so fucking sad. Today I’m gonna eat my favorite sandwich (hummus cucumber and goat cheese) and be with my framily and feel my feelings. I think tomorrow, or the day after, I’ll think on what exactly to do for our people. ❤️❤️

  82. Honestly, I’m afraid and devastated. But these words warm my heart, give me hope, and I am literally crying with joy. I never felt so in danger ever before, than after hearing the election results. But thank you to everyone who show their love and support for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community. The nightmare of a result has not only angered me, but also motivated me to become louder. I’m gonna fight with all my might. I’m gonna love with all my heart. Stay strong everyone! Love y’all!

  83. I lurk on this website 24/7 but have never commented before. I feel like now’s a good time to start.

    I cried all of last night. Granted, I had a fever and I was on my period and I have a major midterm today, but let’s be honest, it was mostly the election. I’m still in shock. Less so about Donald Trump’s presidency, as I’ll at least give him a chance to try and be a compotent leader, but more so that almost half of America voted for bigotry and hatred. As a queer woman, I am angry and terrified that there are that many millions of people in our country that hate immigrants, people of color, the LGBT community, women, the list goes on and on. And what makes me even more angry is knowing that I am this scared coming from a place of a lot of privilege – I am white, upper class, educated, living in a liberal state – and if this is the terror I feel, how awful must this day be for others? I wish you all nothing but compassion and love.

    In one small victory, Oregon, my home, did officially elect the country’s first LGBT governor! I didn’t think it would affect me as much as it did. It cannot be understated how much having people in power that minorities, especially minority youth, can relate to really does make a world of difference. Also, Kate Brown is just all-around great.

  84. I woke up this morning afraid to exist, consumed by visions of mass deportations, mandatory gay conversion therapy, and prisons overflowing with detained protestors and journalists.

    I woke up this morning with the urge to slather makeup on my face to cover the blemishes and wounds, to hide behind the guise of a flawless complexion. Part of me wants to conceal the sexism, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, populism, and fascism faced by so many womyn and dear members of Hispanic, Muslim, Black, Asian, undocumented immigrant, and LGBTQ+ communities in this country. But that wouldn’t be fair and it wouldn’t be honest, so I left my makeup alone today in an act of feminine defiance following the defeat of the most qualified presidential candidate in the history of this country by the least qualified presidential candidate in the history of this country. I urge you to imagine how our people would have spoken last night if she were a man, and he was black.

    And when I ordered a coffee this morning, I accidentally forgot the sugar. It seemed appropriate to weave through the solemn faces of Boston while the sharp espresso bit my tongue and the sun rose veiled behind a thick white haze. I found myself glued to other womyn in the streets, watching their expressions for signs of defeat, exhaustion, maybe hope. I, like many others, am searching for social clues to indicate how I should feel.
    What I saw surprised me. Women throughout Boston today looked strong. I recognize their stoic expressions and determined gate as the way I feel my face tighten when walking home alone at night. We are all headed somewhere today, and while that sun shines miraculously as it does every other day, I can’t help but feel that I am walking home alone at night, fingers clutching my keys, eyes straight ahead, ears perked and gate confident. The new President of our country has sexual assault allegations in the double digits. He calls womyn pigs. He deflects to period jokes when faced with quality counter-arguments. If you don’t know what it feels like to have your opinions and hard work degraded by the presumption that, if you vehemently fight for something, you must be bleeding from your vagina, then consider yourself privileged. I hope you never have to fight that uphill battle.

    I feel so deeply for Hillary Clinton today, and for womyn everywhere. As a close friend put it, today we learned that the glass ceiling is in fact made of Chinese steel. While I am relieved that we at least have proof that half of our constituency is racist, homophobic, etc. (or will turn a blind eye to it, which is just as bad), I fear that Trump in the White House will normalize these sentiments and give them power. That is absolutely horrifying and backwards, and I am incredulous. It is much easier to destroy progress than to build upon it.

    But today, I am so impressed by the support I have found on social media. Progressives and conservatives alike are coming together, expressing their support for marginalized populations, and promising to fight for a better tomorrow. I struggle to find this strength within myself instead of succumbing to fear. Thank you, community, for your incredible resilience and example.

    In the wake of this election night, I promise myself that I will take to the streets and fight for our environment, our immigrants, our people of color, our womyn, and especially our LGBTQ+ community. It breaks my heart to imagine baby gays in rural America, coming into their sexuality under a VP who supports conversion therapy. Know that you are loved, you are perfect, you are ethereal, you are beautiful.

    Thanks to all for taking the time to read. Please comment with your thoughts. Above all, please find peace and kindness within your hearts, and make an extra effort to stand with all of America’s diversity today. We are still #strongertogether.

  85. I’m just hoping — SO BADLY — that this is going to be the last dying gasp of patriarchy. That once people see what supporting it leads to, they’ll learn to do otherwise.

    You know what it’s like? It’s like when you’re watching a horror movie and you’re screaming at the people not to go in there or whatever, and they just ignore you (movie people *always* ignore me), and you’re just paralysed with dread waiting for the killer to strike. That’s what it’s like … except *we’re* the ones in the horror movie.

    And becos it really cannot be said enough, thank you to the site and to everyone who works here to help shine the light. God knows we need it now.

    — Yes, I am male. But please, don’t hold it against me; I promise, it wasn’t my fault. —

  86. I have been a lesbian cis woman my whole life. I am now almost 62, have a grown son who is also gay, who is (thanks to the Supreme Court decision to overturn DOMA) is now married to his long time partner(who is not an American). My partner of just short of 30 years, died of ovarian cancer 10 years ago. She would be heart broken with this election result, if she was still here. I am scared for the LGBTQ community under a Trump Presidency. I now worry even more for my extended family of origin, some who are people of color and also some who are immigrants and all people in this country/world, who have been oppressed and marginalized. I do not expect Trump to be anything more than what he has already showed us, during the campaign and his life. I have experienced white privilege my whole life…For us white folks, the veil has been lifted even more on the racist hate, but that non white Americans have always known and experienced. We are in a heap of trouble with this result. Already I have read, on social media, directed at me, for being upset about the misogyny of the pres. election results, terrible anti-GLBTQ vitriol from white progressive men, who are pissed that Bernie Sanders was not the Dem nominee against Trump. As a Bernie voter in the primaries but a Hillary voter in the general election, this is quite sad and hurtful. We need to “not start eating our young”, as the saying goes, in the progressive community.

  87. I’m terrified of what’s to come and I’m so angry and I’m heartbroken. Who isn’t? I’m having flashbacks to the 2004 election, but this is worse. Trump is worse. And I don’t remember feeling the loss SO DEEPLY.

    Mostly I’m taking solace in seeing the world through my daughter’s eyes. Right now she’s amazed by a balloon, cooing at it and smiling. I feel like America has failed her, but I also am recommitted to making the world a better place for her and for future generations.

  88. I just left the political science course I TA and watched a sea of students look to a professor for comfort and direction. I listened to a Muslim student of color ask whether she should expect that she and her family and friends would likely be registered in a database. I listened to another student of color ask about the likelihood of a wall being built. I listened to yet another student question whether marriage equality, abortion rights, or relations with European countries would be threatened. And I listened as the professor responded as calmly as possible but with little clarity and confidence, except in the reality that he didn’t know the answer to the questions and could, with reasonable expectation, estimate that these fears would manifest soon. Then I was met with the sad, dejected, and disgusted faces of the students who like to chat with me after class. The most we could muster was a collective “what the fuck?” as tears welled in our eyes.

  89. I feel sick, shocked, but mostly I just can’t believe this. I did not think that this would REALLY happen. But after Brexit and this, I am terrified for the German elections next year. I cannot imagine how my American friends must feel.

  90. I’m an older lesbian who sometimes lurks here. Like every other commenter, and every queer I know, I’m in stunned disbelief at the results and despair that we’re back to behavior and politics that are throwbacks to the 70s and 80s. I was with friends until 2:00 and then a handful of us spent most of the rest of the night crying and texting in shock.

    I volunteer with queers 60+. If you know older queers, when you have the personal capacity to be there for someone else please reach out to them. At any intersection they’re bearing the brunt of this backlash as hard or harder than anyone because their peer group is stuffed with Trump supporters. This is not the first time they’ve seen these politics so it’s re-traumatizing for a lot of them at a time when many of them are already being confronted with daunting homophobia around aging-related services.

    Since they’re less likely to be online, and when they go online they’re often met with ageism and hostility, if you can call or visit and offer some connection I think it could make a really important difference.

  91. I’m a once in a while commenter (school keeps me busy) so busy in fact i was able to stay in denial this semester. and then my delusion last night shattered. i was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at 18 months of age and have lived with fibromyalgia and chronic migraines since I was 14 (i am now 25, will be 26 in Feb) and the amount of tension in my cervical spine and shoulders is unreal. My illnesses have always been interwoven with my oppression and anxiety and I worry I won’t be able to manage as well as I have been (only about 2-3 migraines a month, no panic attacks in about a year…until last night). I worry about insurance and having access to my medications and my safety as a queer brown differently abled person. I’m just so fucking scared. I live in Texas so I try to remind myself white ppl already feel incredibly emboldened here, but i worry it will be worse.

    • Hey once in a while commenter,
      I hope I’m not overstepping in any way but I felt compelled to suggest that, maybe, the worst was already mostly there and won’t come as a novelty, but also the disbelief and the anger of all people legitimately frightened today might change into a renewed awareness of our inter-dependencies and our strength as bonded, accepting communities. I have the hardest time expressing this in English, but I think I mean that while we’re not sure if this world is going to be much darker than it was, we can make sure to try and shine brighter in it now that we’ve been harshly reminded that it’s much, much needed. Does that make any sense ?
      I wish you a great deal of courage and comfort, stay bright !

    • Consensual internet (((((hugs)))) if you’d like them.

      You are not alone. You are important. And I’m sorry about your rhumatoid arthritis – I also have an auto immune disorder and they suck.

  92. I am British and this election has made me cry, has made me feel powerless and hated and reminded me of Brexit.

    There is one I can take (as someone living in the UK) which is that lots of people I know who voted for Brexit are just as appalled by this as I am, which makes me think that the Brexit vote, whilst still awful, was maybe less fuelled by hate than I thought.

    I don’t know how to help America but I am determined now to do more to promote positive change and compassion within the UK.

  93. I’m so mad that the Republican party was *rewarded* for denying Obama’s court appointments, both to the supreme and the circuit courts. Now, because those chairs were never allowed to be filled, they will be set upon with hordes of conservative justices itching to be the firewall against social and economic justice in America.

  94. I’ve been on my campus all day today, it’s been hard seeing friends, professors, people I just see around carrying such heaviness. What do I say to my friend who doesn’t know how to handle seeing her trump supporting family over break? How do I lead a self care group tomorrow when I am a wreck? I hardly can express my feelings. People ask if I am ok and I just say I’m here or eh.

  95. i’m trying to hold on to the little things. my (swing) state went for hillary. i texted one of my cousins earlier to thank her for not voting for him. to the best of my knowledge, everyone else in my family did. i normally use facebook when i need a distraction, but i’m forbidding myself from looking at it. it wouldn’t be good. so thankful for autostraddle as an outlet. i have two new episodes of jane the virgin and one of supergirl that i can watch as some reprieve from reality.

    i kind of just want to hide in a hole for a while, though.

  96. I feel terrorfied and angry and sad. The only reason I haven’t been having panic attacks is because I’ve been popping adivan like tic-tacs. Not a dangerous amount of course but far more then I’ve had to take for awhile.

    But most of all I feel broken. Life has taught me over and over again not to trust people, to always expect the worst from everyone. I’ve worked so hard to change that, to trust and think people are basically good. And now that pessimistic side of me stronger than ever. I feel like all that work I did has gone down the drain

  97. People keep talking about fighting, but how? We through everything we had at the last 8 years, and yesterday mainstream America showed it would happily sell us out for the promise of a few baubles. Short of firebombing Focus on the Family’s headquarters or staging reprisal killings against members of the Congressional Freedom Congress, I don’t think there’s much else we can do that will get through to people.

    We may not get any real permanent change until the older generation dies off, and unless we’re willing to help speed up that process, it’s probably going to be another decade at least until we’re in the clear.

  98. Had tequilla for breaktfast and had to go to school and pretend like things were okay. Broke down crying in more than one class. I’m so afraid, for myself, for my friends- all of my latinx classmates are terrified of being deported and even the teachers couldn’t hide the fact they were afraid. I’m so tired of this fucked up, broken, could be so much more country.

  99. So, I don’t know if anyone will see this, but I am wondering – should I elope with my girlfriend? We are talking about it but aren’t sure. We have been together for a few years and were planning on getting married eventually, but now with this election my girlfriend thinks maybe we should just do it before they have a chance to try anything with the supreme court. I don’t want to be married this young (only 23), but I am not sure if the benefits we will lose access to if Obergefell V Hodges is overturned would outweigh the possible mistake of this. Can any older, less panicked queers help me out? I don’t want to get married out of fear, but I don’t want to lose the option cause we waited.

    • you have time to figure this out. i know it’s big and scary, but inauguration isn’t ’til january, and then it’ll take a hot second to get anyone into the supreme court much less overturning things already established. don’t let fear win. just keep loving your girlfriend and y’all can figure out together what you want to do. no rush.

  100. I have a daughter. She is 3 months old and I am learning how to parent and I am numb. I’m so numb and when I’m sad I fold into myself and today it really hit me that I can’t do that now. Because I have a daughter and I have to be a parent. My girlfriend understands when I can’t talk, when I just need to sit and be. I can’t do that with my kid. I need to be there for her. I need to support her and love her.

    I have a 3 month old baby and in 2016, the year of her birth the United States of America elected a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist man to be President. This is the first 4 years of her life. Because we are so sexist that we elect this man over a highly qualified, imperfect women.

    I wanted this lesson to be “look my darling, you can do anything”, I didn’t want to start her life out with an apology for bringing her into a world that hates her. That hates her two mothers.

    I know the world was always like this, these people that voted for him have always existed, and will continue to do so, but there was hope, and now there isn’t.

    I will teach her to fight, to be herself and be proud, but I wish these weren’t the only lessons out of this mess.

    I love you all. Be yourselves. Be safe.

  101. Malaysian in Australia here. Who knew my lifetime of dealing with a repressive government would actually come in useful?! Who knew that I will suddenly be in the position of potentially sponsoring someone for a visa so that they can survive and be free?! Who knew that the PM of my “home” country is trying to play nice with Trump so that he wouldn’t intervene in their investigation…well actually that’s not very surprising.

    I’m so sad and worried for all my friends. I hosted open hours last night for people to call in, chat, talk, whatever. I think I’ll be doing these open hours for as long as I can manage. There’s not a lot I can do from afar but this is one of them.

    Also, everyone, please get your passports. Get them now before they make them harder (trans people! all you need if your IDs don’t have gender matches is a letter from a doctor saying you’re undergoing care – you don’t even need details!). They are a lifeline. They are internationally recognised ID and as Americans you have almost free reign of the world so come by and drop by whenever.

  102. She jumped through every hoop, won all three debates, smiled when they told her to fucking smile, changed her own name so that people would hate her less, won the popular vote, and still lost to a man who has served not one day of his life in public office. The man who bragged about his penis on a debate stage will be our next president. I know that’s not in the top ten or even top hundred worst things about him, but thinking about the sheer absurdity of this helps distract me from the yawning horror of it.

    I’m a queer woman of color and daughter of an immigrant, I lived through Prop 8 in California when I was not quite 17, I’m no stranger to being demonized and feeling helpless about it. But as awful as I feel, I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to be Muslim in this country right now. People like to criticize residents of coastal cities as “living in a bubble,” but I only wish I could cast some kind of spell that would shield us all, everywhere, from people who hate us.

  103. i was entirely dysfunctional for most of the day. my major accomplishments were a) eating an apple b) taking a shower c) filling up my mostly empty gas tank.

    now i am listening to fiona apple because damn if this election didn’t make me feel like i did in high school – stuck in a sea of hate, grateful for the folks who were trying even when they didn’t exactly hit it on the head.

    but tonight i am rallying. i did childcare for my city’s immigrant rights organization and loved on kids who just saw the chances of their families being separated through deportation skyrocket. i did some organization work for the carpool collective i help coordinate that provides rides to members of bad-ass organizations when they don’t have reliable transportation. i signed up to legal observe an anti-trump protest tomorrow. and for the first time since i got a facebook in 2005, i put myself on a facebook hiatus for at least 24 hours.

  104. I’m a federal employee in DC and take great pride in my work as a civil servant. Last night I was constantly startled out of much fought for sleep as my brain reminded me over and over again what the upcoming years would bring both professionally and personally. The tears shed at my desk today were innumerable as I struggled with the fact that my heart was truly broken. That a woman who dedicated decades of her life to serving others as best she could was not good enough. That the people I hope to serve every day hate what makes me inherently me – the Asian, the gay, the woman, even the hopeful government worker.

    In my attempts to find a silver lining I promise myself to be more active. To work harder for those groups and individuals who are at a greater risk then they were two days ago. To be more out. To not let my being an introvert prevent me from doing any of these things.

    • There are lots of us, who do respect the work you do as a civil servant, as an Asian woman and a lesbian. I am still mostly numb from the presidential results of this election. As a 61 years young, lesbian woman, I am very worried. We are a misogynist and racist and homophobic country but we must continue to fight the good fight.

  105. Thank you for this. Last night I was very closeted and felt profoundly alone and helpless in a way I never have before. Today, I came out. Mostly out of a necessity to survive and connect and also because, even though so many of our rights and beliefs have been directly threatened, I am not afraid to be who I am. I am so grateful for a community like this to make me feel less alone.

    Sending love and hope to all.

  106. Wanted to post this in “We Grieve, and Then We Get to Work” but it doesn’t feel coherent enough. It’s small thing I did today that felt like an act of resistance that. And an acknowledgement of someone one who was very important to me as kid that is probably one of many reasons despite fitting a demographic or two of Trump voters I didn’t become one.

    I can’t word all the thoughts I’ve had swirling about my head, some of it is pretty grim because I know the horrors of history repeated too well.

    My school has a wall they do the week of Veteran’s Day where you can put up names of veterans you know or are in your family.
    The spot were the wall is has study tables etc.

    I tried to focus on my studies and then left to work in the lab, but my swirling thoughts started to focus on WWII. First it was just the “well I don’t need to wonder how Germans felt when Hitler became Chancellor anymore” then it shifted to Japanese internment camps, how my MawMaw’s sister was put under house arrest for the duration of the US involvement in the war because her citizenship status was “questionable”.
    Then things honed in on my Grampy.
    My Filipino-American grandfather by marriage to my dad’s mother and 1 of the 2 biggest influences on me as person. He had monolid eyes, skin the color of café au lait, tattooes and freckles because his dad was Scottish. He served in one of the most dangerous positions all the branches of maritime service for this country.
    All I could think about was his service and how he must of faced harassment for the way he looked, but he fucking served in and volunteered for one of the most dangerous position with the highest count of fatalities outside of the USMC in island hopping battles of the South Pacific.

    Until this point I felt dead basically inside, like I was just soldiering on, disappointed in being right about the way this election would go. At this point rage and fury just started to build like christmas bonfire by the time I stomped my ass back Veteran wall stuff I’m going to assume my feelings were very apparent because the burly dude working the table talked to me like you’d talk an a feral cat or a growling dog you’re hoping isn’t about to make you bleed as long as you talk soft and make no sudden movments. He even arranged his body in a such a way he could keep an eye on me and an avenue of escape, kept that position even while I was filling the stuff out.

    I ended up putting a second name up, my great uncle.
    He was dark and guapo, had a very “Italian” surname and his first name on the census was not as anglicised as the name he used in life. He was the husband of my MawMaw’s sister who was under house arrest because her citizenship status was “questionable”.
    His service in Army administration was not stateside, it was in Europe. There’s one story he told us once about what it was like over there. Seeing that level of destruction and being in Allied occupied Axis territory. The crux of his story centered on this church that was still standing and the Army put up a divider between the servicemen and the local population.
    The Army chaplain took one look at that divider and tore it up because he wasn’t having any of that shit. And my great uncle suggested he pulled a new mass plan out of his ass about unity, charity, temperance and humanity etc.

    So there’s now 2 names on a wall of veterans that belong people that Trump likes to forget about, likes to deny. People who this country belongs to no matter their ethnicity, culture or skin tone. People that made this country great and inspired me to be as great as I can be right back.

  107. I was really nervous as I watched the electoral counter on Huffington Post website ticked upwards for Trump. I couldn’t concentrate on my work. And I was beyond shock when I realized Hillary will not be the next POTUS. I cried a little last night and I am still pretty upset today. And I’m not even an American.

    I’m from a region where women are beneath men, LGBTQ+ is perceived as a Western disease and America is both the land of evil and opportunity. I was following the US election very closely because I really want to see HRC getting elected as the next POTUS. Because I believe the good she will do for America and the world. Because I believe she will continue to champion the rights of minorities within the US and around the world, just like Obama.

    Because all the progressive laws that had passed in the US these past few years, especially marriage equality and anti-discrimination laws against LGBTQ+, have given many of us still in the closet great hope that things will eventually get better in this region. Governments in the region dare not openly discriminate against women nor prosecute LGBTQ+ because they know America does not allow it. We look to the US to show the way on how to treat every living beings fairly, equally and humanely.

    Now, America has elected a person who had insulted anyone who is not (cis) male and white. Americans has chosen a man who spoke ill of immigrants, POC, women and Muslims. His running mate had openly advocated for conversion therapy for LGBTQ+ youths. And the result showed that half of America thinks that it’s okay to discriminate based on gender, religion, sexual orientation and many more. Nobody is welcomed into the US anymore, unless you are white and heterosexual.

    America lost ALL her moral high ground and legitimacy in the eyes of the world when Trump is elected. How can America fight for gender equality when her president boasts about grabbing women’s pussy and call strong women ‘nasty’ on national TV? How can America stand for racial equality when her president thinks “Black Lives Matter” is a joke and all Mexicans are rapist and criminals? How can America be the land of the free and the home of the brave when her president doesn’t respect military veterans and POW whom had fought hard in so many wars for her? How can America be advocating tolerance and acceptance when her president vows to deport every undocumented migrant and ban/profile every Muslim?

    I wrote this on my FB when I realized that Trump has won the election:
    “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” (George Carlin) aptly described how I feel right now. As Napoleon once said, “In politics, stupidity is not a handicap”, Trump won because many saw his stupidity as a strength and Hillary’s intelligence as a threat. The hatred they have for Hillary is beyond rational that they overlook all the flaws Trump has as a human being. Simply put, the US is not as progressive and inclusive as they think they are.. Never could I see (nor feel) the US and its people the same way ever again.
    The next four years will be manic and unpredictable. God help us all (from America).

    I know many had voted for Hillary, especially many in this site. I wanna to thank all of you for that. I know Trump’s presidency will impact all of you so much more and direct than those of us living in other regions. I know many of you will be facing difficult challenges ahead because of the Pandora’s box that had been unleashed by Trump’s victory. Please stay safe. Please keep on caring and loving one another. Please fight hard to keep the progress made so far. Please remember that the world is watching, and many of us are rooting for you to right whatever wrong that might come your way. Because whether you like it or not, America is still the country the rest of the world look up to when it comes to equality, justice and freedom.

    Hugs and kisses to all….

  108. Thank you thank you for this post. Gives me some comfort after this horrifying night… I cried and cried and don’t know how to react. I am French living in London and having lived in San Francisco. I’m heartbroken but I think good can come out of this. France has her own trump. Marine Le pen is just as evil as trump and just as closed to be elected next year. But I feel like Trump is awaking people. Minorities, women, humans who didn’t take part in strong activism earlier will feel the need now. And at the end, with more threats, we might react with more opposition and actually bring the world a little forward to universal equality. Please remember that we exist and are totally entitled to human rights as any white wealthy man…. Good luck

    • Hello fellow Frenchie ! I sure hope Marine won’t get nearly as much support as him, but that’s definitely something to consider. The thing is, it doesn’t seem to matter who they are and what they say; he’s a horror clown and she’s a barking snake, but both are an alternative to an established system people have proved times and times again to be fed up with. They didn’t care how qualified Hillary could be, and they won’t care what anyone opposing the FN will propose as long as they’re part of the same old political lineage. I think – and hope – Macron will get in the way of the FN this way, because he’s presented himself as a stray, too.
      Anyway, I want to believe in what you said last, that Trump’s election will awaken us more than it will convince anyone who’s had enough that they should go all in and cast their vote for the greatest villain they can think of. I just think that we have to come up with a common alternative rather than create yet another division.

  109. Finally managed to breathe and write it all out. Been avoiding facebook but at the end, decided to post this there hoping it will make a difference. Most of my friends there are straight and reside in the States.

    If you don’t want to read my silly wall of text, please know that you are not alone, this is what I said to my best friend who is tired, and very depressed. Whoever you are, please know that you are not alone.

    Here is my post, hopefully it will help someone.

    Are You Okay?

    This was the question that I got asked a lot through the year. I never knew how to answer that, when I was just too lost to define how I was feeling, I’d just say I am fine, thank you and would change the subject by being goofy. But today, this week, I am saying it is okay to feel not okay. It is okay to feel upset, angry, shocked, lost but hopefully never lonely. Because whether you voted for X, Y or Z, whether you are old or young, first time voter, or seen plenty of campaigns in your life, you all are in this together.

    As a nasty gay woman myself who had a Muslim mother, I’ve seen it happening in my own country. My hometown said hell no to the ideas of hatred, we even wanted to be removed from the country before the idea was trendy(!) when the half of the country voted hell yeah and turned their backs on their neighbours, heck even they wanted to get rid of us. I’ve seen people living their every day lives acting everything was fine when the head of the country was spewing hatred towards mothers, women, children, workers, anyone who would dare to oppose their ideas. Media lost its power, whole country watched documentaries about penguins or soap operas when the teenagers went out to protest. Do you know what some of their parents said when they heard they got thrown gas tears? “Good riddance, they had it coming.” We still lose connection to sites, and sadly got used to it and we know something is going on when we lose connection so we check with a heavy heart to see what happened to whom again.

    As a nasty lil bunny, I urge you not to become like them, don’t turn your back on your own kids, your neighbours, your relatives, your colleagues. You never know what they are feeling when you are too busy being happy cause you got rid of the ideas you did not like. Maybe they are scared because of the unknown. And as a woman who turned into a little kid when planes flew over her house, who just wanted to cry on her mother’s lap, you never know what will happen tomorrow, heck today even. I couldn’t cry on her lap that night, because she was gone earlier this year. I was scared but wanted to be tough cause I was the big sister, I was upset and enraged when I saw people hurting each other. I couldn’t move when I heard a neighbour shouting “My son!” at 3 am that night, I will most likely never forget that cry in the night.
    That feeling in my gut, and my heart was with me last night when I watched what was happening in my friends’ country. I never wrote any of this before, I watched my best friends trying to argue with kind words instead of hatred during the campaigns. I unfollowed, unfriended and even blocked a few of the voices who were spreading hatred no matter what was being said. I wanted to hug another close friend of mine because she was too upset to know that her whole family wanted to vote for someone you all already know.

    Today, I am trying to remind you that it starts with all of you, as parents, as aunts & uncles, as grandparents, as human beings, please for the love of whatever/whoever you believe in, do not make light of people who are crying, dying a little inside because they do not know what will happen to them. Be the kind & compassionate person even it’s hard for you to do so, cause you never know who is feeling what. Maybe your best friend spent her whole night feeling terrified, because she might lose her right to get married to her girlfriend. Maybe your neighbour is terrified because they have to go to work and hear words of “Go back to where you belong!” Do you want to be the person who will say “Whatever, not my problem.” or do you want to be the one who says “Hey! Watch it!” Is this what you want to teach your future generation? That it is okay to bully someone who looks different than you, who wants things different than you and/or who feels different than you.

    Today, be like the kid my friend has, because that kid put a smile on my face, in my heart when I was terrified, when I had so little time here because I did not know when I’d lose connection. That little kid asked her father if lil bunny was okay when she heard about the news of my country going nuts. That kid did not care if I was gay, that kid did not care I lived in a country that’s on fire, that kid did not care what my religion might be, that kid only cared about a lil bunny who was friends with her father. That kid cared about the scared kid who received a bunny plush that said “We love you, lil bunny.” when her mother died, that kid remembered her father had a bunny friend who needed some love to see the next day. So from one kid to another, thank you kiddo.

    Today, I am grateful for my friends who helped me and loved me no matter what. Even though I feel like this 2nd 30 year of my life is exhausting every little part of me, even though I want to re-start this whole year, I am so very thankful for my dear friends, who help me keep on keeping on, and continue being the good bunny in the storm.

    Lastly, if you think all of that is bullshit, and you still do not want to care what others are feeling, whether they are effected by your actions. I kindly wish for you to go away, I truly don’t need your hatred in my life. I already see many of it on daily basis.

    Your nasty gay lil bunny friend who loves you and who is willing to give you hugs even though hugging is not her thing.

  110. Thank you Heather, so many people needed this article. And not only in America – we in other ,sometimes less privileged and free countries, need you to lead the way and keep up the good fight.

    • one day is not enough. I’ve seen some of that sentiment. that yesterday it was ok to grieve but not today, today we move on. Ok… overall sentiment I agree with. but the pressure to move on is so strong. And I can’t, I have many mental illnesses and I just can’t emotionally process in that way or quickly. So many people can’t just move on and get back to fighting. Grief is grief and its different for everyone

  111. Thanks- I needed that. Our voices matter! Sending love from Canada to all of America, but especially to anybody and everybody who feels afraid right now. You deserve a home where you feel loved and respected. Remember you’re always welcome here 🙂

  112. I work overnight, so of course I was refreshing Google every fifteen minutes, desperately watching the numbers. And when I saw the final results, I started crying.
    My mind is such a mess right now. For the first time in my life, I am terrified of violence against me. I’m scared for my body. I’m scared for my friends. I’m scared for my country.
    The only silver lining is that all my friends feel similarly, and I know from out of the devastation, a fire is coming. We will not stop fighting. We will never stop fighting to make this country safe for all.

  113. I feel like I’ve aged about 10 years in the last 2 days.

    My last shred of hope lies in the idea that the electoral college has yet to cast their ballots and I’ve already seen petitions going around to stop dumpf from getting voted in.

    I haven’t cried, I won’t cry, I knew this was a very real probability (and I expected it tbh) but I am so overwhelmingly ashamed and angry.

  114. Every time I have posted about the hate crimes going on around the country right now and how Trump will not be the one to unify this country people who I know did not vote for him throw the Clinton emails at me or various other Clinton scandals. Is this happening to anyone else? People are completely ignoring the fact that nobody on Republican side has spoken out against these acts, happening in the name of our future … well you know… I can’t even type it at this point. The fact that there has been no call to order renouncing this violence and hate shows that there will be no unity for all.

    Be safe everybody.

  115. I am a civil rights attorney in northern California. To say I was disheartened by the election results is to put it lightly. I’ve needed some time to sort through my emotions and needed to reach out to my community.

    I am no longer a young woman as I am fast approaching my fifth decade. In my time on this planet so far, the change I have seen has been astonishing. When I came out, it was still lawful to criminalize homosexual behaviors. Then I had the privilege to be at the US Supreme Court on the day that Lawrence vs. Texas was argued. And even better, I shook the hand of the attorney who argued the case for us. That June of 2003, the US Supreme Court decided that we could no longer be criminalized. This was beyond momentous for me because I wanted to have a family and I wanted them to be safe in the world.

    Since then I have created a family with my amazing wife (the result of another momentous Supreme Court decision). We have a boy and a girl and I can tell you that they are the absolute best thing I have ever done with my life. I was on top of the world.

    Then there was this election. I wish I could say that I was taken by surprise but I wasn’t. I grew up in a very socially conservative white working class place. I come from the very community that is targeting not only us, but anyone different. A people on the brink of poverty who see the world and all its potential for prosperity advancing beyond their grasp. The parallels to prewar Nazi Germany are stark. The results of our election took me back to a place I had left years ago so that I could be me.

    Could I move away again, to another country perhaps? Of course.

    But this rise of apparent fascism is not only happened here. It is happening in other countries as well.

    Here, it is so important to remember that Hillary Clinton won the popular vote. We are not alone. I did not vote for Hillary as a vote against Trump. Perhaps, many of you may not have supported her wholeheartedly but I did. She was and is my hero. Even before Lawrence vs. Texas, Hillary walked in the gay pride parade in NYC. I know this because I was right behind her. She just got in the parade and walked. She didn’t ride in the front or at the back. She was in the middle with us. And she walked. She talked to people, hugged them, took pictures and smiled endlessly. Away from the scrutiny of cameras, I saw a Hillary who really enjoyed meeting and talking with people. I didn’t feel tolerance from her. I felt genuine acceptance. I also didn’t feel that she was performing some civic duty. In those days, politicians were not showing up at our parades. We were outlaws because of who we loved and here was the First Lady of the United States walking the parade with us.

    During these last 18 or so months, Hillary has been under constant attack. She has been questioned, criticized and scrutinized for issues that were, quite frankly, commonplace in politics. For instance, no one has suggested that Colin Powell should be prosecuted for his use of a private email server and yet he used one as well. There is a strong distrust of women and I want to call it out for what it is – sexism.

    Then we saw a man who was blatantly racist and sexist (despite the fact that there are federal and state laws that prohibit racism and sexism) rise to take our Country’s highest place in leadership. He is now the leader elect of the free world.

    Do I want to just go to bed and pull the covers over my head and never come out again? Absolutely. Can I? Absolutely not. I have these two beautiful children who I brought into the world. I must work to make it a world I want to leave to them. I must keep them safe. And so I need to get to work. There is no time for rest now. We cannot allow a resurrection of Nazi Germany here. Never again.

    And so I say to you all: Roll up your sleeves and get to work. Get involved. Joined your local democrat chapter and help to shape the party into one that holds a vision for us all. I say democrat because the reality is, we need to win next time. We need a party as vast as the democratic party to get us there. So make it yours and dig in.

    “Do not go gentle into that good night… Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” Dylan Thomas

  116. I haven’t been able to visit Autostraddle until today following the election. I was scared of the desperation and anguish I would see and I was so filled myself that I knew I would have nothing of value to share. Honestly, I still don’t have anything of value to share but….I am here too. I love you guys. I will fight too and stay strong. Before the poll numbers starting rolling in, my beautiful girlfriend looked at me and said, “No matter what happens, I love you.” I responded with, “No matter what happens, I am yours and only yours.” I still feel as though I am deep within a terrible nightmare. I am shocked, confused, and scared. I am also angry. I came out, loud and proud, almost 4 years ago and never turned that down. I have been very open and honest but now I am afraid. I am nervous about being hurt or worse, nervous of my children being abused for being the kids of a lesbian, the mirror scares me for so many reasons. My masculine of center and dark skinned girlfriend also scares me. I am terrified for her safety. With that, I love you guys. I grow stronger each day and will be ready to stand UP every day, alongside each of you!

  117. Hey everyone! After the results of the election I began working on a project to collect words of support for those feeling scared and marginalized through posts of love, empathy, compassion, and solidarity similar to what many people have already been sharing via social media. The idea is to gather these posts that would otherwise be quickly buried in a newsfeed in one place and hopefully encourage participation from others as the project grows. If you’re interested in sharing your story, art, or support just visit http://lovestilltrumpshate.org/share and fill in as much as you want. Spreading the word would be amazing as well!

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