feature image via Getty
Hello, dear reader, and welcome back to another edition of No Filter, the most serious and academic column on all of Autostraddle dot com. Generally speaking, we are here to dissect the week in celebrity Instagram, and I bet you thought I was going to be talking about Samira Wiley and Lauren Morelli’s engagement this week?! Well we will, but not yet. the biggest story of the week as far as I am concerned is Lindsay Lohan’s traumatic boating injury, in which the actress (who currently does not identify as bisexual despite having been half of the Greatest Queer Couple Of Our Time) lost part of one her fingers to a motor.
According to the Huffington Post, the end of Lindsay’s finger was recovered by friends (don’t click that, it’s awful) and later surgically reattached. She has since been making grim jokes about taking one-handed selfies and tweeting about the exact nature of her injury, so we think she’s gonna be alright. Lindsay, girl, you’ve had a rough go of it over the past couple of months and we sincerely wish you a speedy recovery.
Yeah, yeah, these two knuckleheads got engaged. Small consolation for what happened to Poussey, Morelli. We haven’t forgotten.
Abbi and Carrie are DEFINITELY DOIN’ IT, right? Right. My sources on the ground in Portland tell me that these two have been canoodling up a storm; I can’t believe I’ve become the kind of person who says things like “canoodling up a storm.” I can’t believe I have sources on the ground in Portland. Anyway, Abbi’s Instagram seems to imply she’s spending a lot of time with Carrie’s dogs and you all know what that means.
Our favorite eyebrow Cara Delevigne hung out with this tiger a couple of weeks ago and we missed it cos we were too busy trying to figure out if she’d broken up with St Vincent or not (seems like she has). Did Annie break up with Cara over those dumb braids she wore at Burning Man or what? Remember when Cara dated fellow problematic dummy Michelle Rodriguez and they met some illegal wild animals together? Seems like Cara’s really into using big cats as a coping mechanism. Anyway, love is still a lie, take that Riese!
In the meantime, Annie’s still too busy to take her calls. Between you and me, I’m into this breakup; it gives Annie the freedom to date other people, like (just a suggestion) a different Cara.
Brittani Nichols, lord and saviour of the A-Camp Midwest Dead Lesbian And Bisexual Television Character Haunted Hayride, a real thing that happened.
Breaking, Laura Jane Grace is a nerd.
Be Steadwell came to camp and taught this songwriting workshop and was a babe and everybody handled it just fine, everything’s fine.
Ellen Page has been spending a lot of time with creamed spinach enthusiast Rooney Mara’s sister Kate, who I mostly recognize from American Horror Story: Murder House but will now forever associate with this cute picture.
Join us next week, when Annie Clark answers her phone… and finds love of her life Cara Giaimo on the other end.