Audiostraddle Weekly: Lindsay Lohan’s Lesbian Single “Stuck” Line-by-Line

Hi you guys! Jess has entrusted me with this week’s Music Fix while she goes off and interviews guitar gods for your reading pleasure. So now that I’ve got free reign, let’s talk about Miley! And other musicians, too — with a little help from my friends.

LINDSAY LOHAN’S LESBIAN SONG “STUCK”

First off, Lindsay Lohan, the pop superstar behind the legendary single “Rumors,” has released a new single, inexplicably available on Perez Hilton’s website. We are 100% positive it’s about Samantha Ronson. I mean, just listen to it! You’ll see!

To prove our point, we’ve transcribed the lyrics and provided our own commentary, because let’s be honest, we didn’t have anything better to do on a Monday.

I wasn’t looking [for a girlfriend] but I found you [Samantha Ronson]
I wasn’t ready
[to come out as bisexual] but you [and Perez Fucking Hilton] got me anyway
I wasn’t looking but I had to
And now it seems like I can never look away
[b/c everyone is obsessed with us, like the people writing this analysis on an otherwise respectable website, and I am sometimes a little emotionally unstable and vulnerable to public emotional outbursts, which TMZ la-la-la loves]

Final Notes on Verse #1: Obvs, this part is self explanatory, she was blindsided by her lesbian tendencies.

I’m going down, down, down [on your vadge, cunnilingus y’all]
I am not myself when you’re around, ’round, ’round
No matter what I do, it’s too fast, too slow
[but I’m learning and now can basically make you climax every time]
This won’t last, but I should go
But I can’t help it, I can’t

Final Notes on Verse #2: “I’m not myself when you’re around” either references that Sam helped get her off drugs or that now she goes crazy when Sam is around. Other possible interpretations include “generic line included in most songs about rocky relationships, just pulled it out of someone else’s ass.” The last two lines can be loosely translated to mean, “I’m saying I don’t think it will last so that you don’t listen to this and freak out about committment.”

I am stuck, stuck, stuck
I can try to run
[like in an SUV on the LA freeway] but I am out of luck, luck, luck
Doesn’t matter where I go I feel stuck
Sticky fingers, sticky hands, sticky
[from lesbian fingerblasting!]
Oh I am stuck stuck stuck
And I ain’t going, I’m stuck
[on your giant fingers of love]

Final Notes on Verse #3: Fingerblasting is fun!

I didn’t listen, but I heard you [’cause you’re a DJ]
I wasn’t there, and yet you swept me off my feet [which is good ’cause I sometimes have trouble walking with all these cameras in my face]
And there is no one I can turn to
[’cause my Dad is an asshole and my friends can be douchebags]
Yeah I can run but you have got me on repeat [’cause we keep getting back together b/c our love is so deep & cute]

Final Notes on Verse #4: Why can’t I back up off you, why can’t I let you live?

I’m not ok, ‘k ‘k [not being your girlfriend]
Once again my heart got in the way, way, way
[and I did some crazy shit that pissed you off, allegedly]
No matter what I do it’s too wrong, too right
Try to reason
[on twitter], try to fight [in public and on twitter]
But I can’t help it
[being in love with you], I can’t

I am stuck, stuck, stuck
I can try to run but I am out of luck, luck, luck
[and also can’t afford another moving violation or court date]
Doesn’t matter where I go, I feel stuck
[on you]
Sticky fingers, sticky hands, sticky
Oh, I am stuck, stuck stuck
Oh oh oh, I’m still stuck

Final Notes: Lindsay & Sam are in love forever and um… we actually like this song? LILO&SAMRO FOREVER.

A’ight. Fangirls out.

LADY GAGA:
Lady Gaga grows up: A fascinating new New York Magazine story traces the history of Gaga with new insights on the construction of the Gaga image. We asked our in-house Gaga expert, Stef (our amazing music contributing editor who booked the one and only Lady DJ Starlight for our Rodeo Disco Party last year) for her take on the article:

It just made me remember how she and Starlight would show up for load-in wearing outfits that were not a far cry from what she’d actually wear onstage, and how nobody ever called her by a real first name, as one would a drag queen. She was completely gracious and sweet, but never broke character at ALL. The last time I booked her, she brought a camera crew, otsensibly to show her label what she was all about. She was the opener for a three-band show, so that much fanfare was a little unusual… I liked booking her not only because of her music, but because she was super enthusiastic and could be counted on to draw about 10-15 kids, which was all one could really ask for. This particular night, the bands shared a dressing room and we all hung out in there all night.. She got wasted and spilled red wine all over her disco ball, then almost left the club without getting paid — I caught her just as she was climbing into a cab, and we leaned up against the front of a poorly lit building and exchanged cash like we were doing a drug deal, then she gave me a sloppy hug and took off  for the afterparty. The first time I saw her play, I loved her immediately, and it’s been amazing to see what she’s grown into.

In other Gaga news, check out this video of Paramore’s Hayley Williams covering “Bad Romance.” It’s uncertain whether this was done in honour of Gaga’s birthday.

Christina Aguilera Premiers New Single, “Not Myself”, Tonight
I have a feeling that Christina’s upcoming album Bionic — which features collaborations with Le Tigre, Ladytron, Linda Perry, Sia & more — is going to blow us all away. We’ll have a better idea with the official premiere of her debut single, “Not Myself Tonight.” Visit ChristinaAguilera.com from 6 p.m. Eastern to hear the track in its entirety.

Sia Talks…
Electroqueer has done a great interview with Sia, in which she opens up about her new record, her expectations of live performance and giving everything of herself to her fans. She also gushes about Christina and JD, but maybe not JD’s former dawg-like ways. Sia and Christina are dropping their albums on the same day, so put June 8 on your dance card. Some of Sia’s new tracks can be heard here.

Melissa Auf der Maur Releases OOOM, Audiostraddle Prize Pack Winner Announced!
MAdM’s new multimedia project, Out Of Our Minds, is released today! You can find out more about the project and where to buy it on the website. But it also means it’s finally time to draw the winner of our MADM prize pack, so congrats Mike K! You’re the new owner of an MAdM tshirt and the OOOM record & comic.

Stream New Album From Angus & Julia Stone
A lot of people are buzzing about Down The Way, the new release from Australian brother and sister duo Angus & Julia Stone. It’s released in the US & Canada today, and so the good people at Spinner are letting us stream the entire thing.

Oh Uh Oh
Did you hear about that time Sony blocked video content on their own artist, Beyonce’s, YouTube channel due to copyright infringement? Yeah, that really happened.

Macy Delivers The Sellout
After a 3 year absence, Macy Gray has announced her third album, The Sellout. Gray explains the title as “the story of how I found my salvation in just being myself instead of who other people thought I should be.” It should be interesting, particularly with collaborators like T.I., Bobby Brown and Slash on board. You should be able to hear the record’s first single, “Beauty In The World,” here.

New From Robyn: Fembots Have Feelings Too
Swedish pop genius Robyn wants to tell you about her automatic booty applications in her new track “Fembot.” The track is from an anticipated yet-to-be-titled album, which should have a mid-year release. Check it out on her website.

Dixie Chicks Release Gay-Themed Song
Martie Maguire and Emily Robison from the Dixie Chicks have written a new song titled “Ain’t No Son,” which is about a young man coming out to his judgmental father. It will be released in May on the debut record of their newly-formed side project, the Court Yard Hounds. Robinson told CMT, “‘I turned the TV on, and it was A&E or one of those documentary kind of shows about these poor teenage kids who are devastated that their parents won’t let ’em stay in the house because they found out they were gay… That idea, how can you have kids and love them so much and one day decide not to — it just boggled my mind.’”

Adam Lambert To Headline GLAAD Media Awards
The Advocate also reports that on April 17, Glambert will be belting out some songs from For Your Entertainment at the 21st Annual GLAAD Media Awards.

Carrie Brownstein Doesn’t Have A New Band, SK Reunion Not Out Of The Question
Two week’s ago Sleater-Kinney fans went wild with the news that Carrie Brownstein started a new band with Janet Weiss. Now she’s set the record straight, telling Pitchfork that the reports were a little exaggerated. But an eventual SK reunion isn’t out of the question. She also talks about her soon-to-be-released book and the film premiere of Some Days Are Better Than Others, in which she stars. Read the full interview here.

Second Album For The Dead Weather
Jack White and Alison Mosshart’s collaboration The Dead Weather have announced that their sophomore record, Sea Of Cowards, will drop on May 10. Listen to the album’s first single, “Die By The Drop,” in a teaser of the music video, directed by The Runaway’s creator Flora Sigismondi.

PSA: Last week I finally got to see The Dead Weather live in concert and have been shivering ever since. Mosshart on stage is a women possessed. The band’s chemistry is truly something that needs to be seen. Get yourself to a show ASAP.

New Video: Usher & Nicky Get Freaky
Usher has partnered up with everyone’s favourite bisexual rapper Nicki Minaj for “Little Freak,” a track from the upcoming record Raymond v. Raymond. Here’s the extended version of the video. It takes a minute to warm up, but when it does, it’s hot sex just like his new scent.

+
Tegan & Sara Release Alligator. 17 Times.
If you’re a fan of the Tegan & Sara hit “Alligator,” don’t forget that as of today you can purchase The Alligator LP and download 17 different remixes! YES 17 OF THEM! Did you buy it? I did, let’s talk about it. Also keep an eye out this Friday, ’cause AOL Music & Spinner will be debuting the new music video for Alligator – the Passion Pit remix – and dancing has been guaranteed.

She’s Just Bein’ Miley
Miley Cyrus’ upcoming record, I Can’t Be Tamed, will be her last one! Forever! Citing the cruelness of the recording industry as a motivator, Miley told E! that she’s quitting music and will now be focusing solely on her film career. I report this with mixed emotions. I used to enjoy Miley when she was just a young bright-eyed kid chasing after Hilary Duff’s dream. Then she discovered free speech & stripper poles, and well, maybe a new leaf isn’t a bad idea.

RIP Jim Marshall
In not-so-recent news, photographer Jim Marshall passed away last week, leaving behind a legacy of some of the world’s most vivid & iconic rock ‘n roll shots. His rock star subjects ranged from Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison, to modern artists like Mayer and Kravitz.

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Founding member. Former writer. Still loves Autostraddle with her whole heart.

Crystal has written 320 articles for us.

59 Comments

  1. Noooooooooooo! The MadM giveaway ended already!? The article says the deadline is March 30! That’s still tomorrow! And here I was thinking of a great reason to win (although I know it would be/was picked at random, but still)… Noooo. =((((
    Well, will have to buy it then. u.u
    But without the tshirt and book. u.u

    Sorry, I’ll stop whining. :D
    Congratulations to the winner! *runs off crying*

  2. Ha, I chuckled when I read the NYMag thing about how she’d stay in character backstage during school plays. A few productions I’ve been a part of had the same policy! Loved that article though, it gave a great insight onto the process of creating such a complex character.

  3. First… I nearly pissed myself reading the audiostraddle blow by blow break down of “Stuck” by “Sticky Low-hands”

    Second ~ Hayley Williams ROCKS! She seems like a pretty awesome person (I have no clue)

    Third ~ I don’t want children but I would give birth to Sia’s love child… but only if she asked me to.

    Seriously, there is more music in the world then my brain has room to accommodate. I wish I could upgrade… but for now I will stream Down The Way and be satisfied with my current state of existence.

    Oh hey! Was it you folks that mentioned Jimmy Hendrix had a sex tape out?? Where’d I read that… Man, that shit blew my mind this week too…

    • AGREED. SHAKING AND CRYING.

      I flew to PDX to see their final shows.

      Sidenote to Autostraddle: Sleater-Kinney its homosexy members are queer history icons. This news should have been closer to the top of the fix, at least above Lady Gaga.

      Come on folks. She makes very fun music and all and claims a public bisexual identity, but the only time the lady-loving side of it ever seems to come up is when she’s making out with them …. in music videos. Otherwise in interviews it’s about boyfriends and liking big cocks etc etc. I’d feel differently about her if she gave her attraction to both men and women similar weight and attention.

      • I try not to prioritise news in the music fix, it implies that one artist is more important than another & I think that’s a hard call when everyone has such eclectic music tastes.

        Although if Sleater-Kinney ever do actually reform then I’m certain I will be giving them their very own music fix to celebrate the news.

  4. The New York Magazine story on Lady Gaga is pretty interesting stuff. It takes a while to get going but it’s definitely worth the read. I liked the Madonna comparisons too. It was about this point that I really started paying attention btw: “Gaga, though, had something Madonna didn’t have: a truly great voice.”

    This is the first I’ve heard of Angus & Julia Stone and I’m really digging their album. Good stuff/great recommendation – will need to add to my music collection.

    • I found it really interesting the part about what a HUGE influence Andy Warhol was on Gaga’s idea of her image — I’m not sure if I would’ve fallen for Gaga how I did if I hadn’t found her right after my gigantic Andy Warhol obsession phase began. Part of my appreciation for her comes from the same place as my appreciation for Warhol; and that article made me think today for the first time that I wonder what it’s like for people who experience Gaga without already believing in what Warhol. It might seem I guess really empty, and I don’t know what that means. It’s just interesting, perhaps

      • I only have parenthetical knowledge of Warhol and his work but in the context of what I already know, what you say makes sense. I initially dismissed Lady Gaga as another crazy pop star. I thought her music was ok, overplayed, but it still had a good beat. Then I saw some interviews and videos of her live shows and I slowly realized that she’s probably real smart and what everybody was seeing was nothing like the real person behind the facade. And the more I learned about her, the bigger fan I became. I still think she’s somewhat crazy for doing the things she does but knowing her intent makes all the difference. And as far as those fans who experience her without believing in Warhol, I find the converse even more bewildering – those who minimalize or even demonize her for her persona/image.

        • My story is pretty much the same as yours! I found a couple of songs catchy but didn’t get the fawning, then I started reading more about her process (and A/S had a lot to do with this) and found her fascinating. Even if a lot of her taste isn’t mine, it’s still admirable to see someone publicly experimenting with weirdo random art and not holding back.

          Also I dreamt of her last night – she was doing a tour near me and we were besties and there was something about a shopping list not quite being done. And she also had a video game you could play.

  5. Okay Miley, who goes, “wow, the music business can be exceptionally harsh and cruel, especially to women. I have trouble dealing with that. I KNOW, ACTING! THEY ARE ALWAYS KIND TO ACTRESSES. It’s basically all massages and kissing cute guys, right?”

    • I’ve seen them live twice and they are SO talented. I could listen to Emily and Marty just do bluegrass tunes all day.

      The second concert was after the whole insulting GWB in London thing and there were flag-waving protesters outside (probably guys who are now eager to criticize the President everywhere and anywhere) and they played a video along with Truth Number 2 that was like a montage of protest stuff and talked about how the song really had a different meaning for them after they started getting death threats for speaking out.

      ANYWAY, I love them so much and if anyone knows where I can find that video I will love you forever.

  6. The reason why I unabashadly love Gaga so much is because I think I now get what her ‘act’ is. I saw her yesterday and I thought she was brilliant. I think what it comes down to is that her act and persona is absolutely CAMP. I remember in Sociology class people were ragging Gaga as being ‘another example of the oversexualization of children by popular culture’. And what is camp? Ironic, in kind of bad tatse, maybe a little crude, and most of all, completely over the top. And to me, that incorporates Gaga to a tee. Also, if you think of her genre – dance pop – she is in the same field of people like Cher and Madonna, who, back in the day – were pretty camp. It’s well known that gay men are a large market when it comes to dance pop and I loved that she acknowledged ‘[her] gayboys’ before she performed her song ‘Boys, Boys, Boys’ the other night. I also think that her caricature of femininity (drag-queen like in the eyes of the mainstream)and outrageously provocative outfits are the two biggest factors behind the ‘Lady Gaga has a dick’ and ‘Lady Gaga is a man’ talk. I think that because the mainstream really hasn’t been exposed to big unabashed camp for such a long time, it has not recognized (or does not want to recognize) that she is a camp persona, and is basically incorporating all aspects of camp which can throw people off. I love her, and after last night, I love her even more.

    • I went and saw her the other night as well and was surprised about how camp the show was. The concert made me understand and appreciate her a lot more than I did, I loved everything about it! In particular the stage set up, the way she had “What The Fuck Have You Done” written in lights, and also that ridic monster at the end.

      Maybe I’m being naive or just plain oblivious, but I think in my city (Sydney) Gaga has been fully embraced. I’ve seen a lot of people who don’t even like the dance/pop genre totally buy into what she’s doing.

      • The monster prop was so so cool. I also loved the car, too. The ‘journey’ aspect of the concert also reminded me of the Wizard of Oz. Did you also notice how diverse her troupe was? The Asian electric violinist, African-American drummer, African American flamboyant gay guy dancers, the other gay guy dancers etc. I had a friend say on Facebook ‘really? really?’ to my status that ‘Gaga was amazing last night and a great performer’ and I replied ‘Yes, really!’. I think it’s easy to dismiss her when you don’t actually ‘get’ what she is trying to do/is doing. And I have seen that trend of buying what she is doing in my city (Canberra) too.

  7. Oh, and about Lohan. Love the breaking down of the track. Also, after Ricky Martin’s unsuprising admission today, I exercise my right to choose not to believe her when she says she’s bisexual..or should I say ‘Sam-sexual’. Elton John said he was bisexual back in the day, too. And Ricky Martin after him.

  8. Pingback: Joy Of Crystal » Autostraddle — Audiostraddle Weekly: Lindsay Lohan's Lesbian …

  9. this is what happens when i contribute to auto via iphone. it’s DJ LADY STARLIGHT! and i also want to say it was totally strange to find out like a year after the fact via some random magazine that she and i had the same name and spelled it almost the same weird way and SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING. weirdo.

      • I saw her play a couple of weeks ago in London. I anticipated that she’d be a consummate musician, but never expected she’d be so talkative, witty and cute beyond belief. Plus, she played for over two hours, a huge range of old and new stuff, and I really don’t think I’ll see someone else who looks so natural and completely at one with the incredible sounds they’re making.

        Also, her cover of Close to Me is currently on a TV ad in the UK all the time at the moment, so it’s like constant reminders of wondrousness!

  10. Great graphic.

    While reading the lindsay part I can’t help but picture her in my weird twisted head writing the lyrics to this song on a napkin at some Hollywood club going, “this sounds amazing and it rhymes so cool.”

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