Make a Trans Woman Smile on TDoR By Buying Her a Pizza Online

feature image via shutterstock

This Sunday, November 20th, is Transgender Day of Remembrance, the day each year we take stock of all the trans people who have been murdered in the previous year and we memorialize and remember them. We’ll be publishing a more solemn post addressing the day on the 20th, but we also want to offer all people who aren’t dmab trans people a chance to let dmab trans people (who are by far the most targeted group in anti-trans murders) know that there are people who care about them. We’re offering a platform through which you can buy a trans woman or other dmab trans person a small pizza of their choice from their favorite pizza place and delivered to their house on Sunday. While this isn’t going to solve all the problems trans women face, it will be a nice way to comfort some of us on a day that reminds us how hard we have it.

Last year, someone did something like this in the Unofficial Autostraddle Facebook Group (thank you to whoever organized that), and this year we’d like to make it a little more official. Note: Since publishing this article we’ve found out it was Astrid Tanner, so thank you very much to to her for coming up with this idea and doing it last year.

In the United States, at least 23 trans people have been murdered this year, and at least 21 of them have been trans women. Most of them are trans women of color, most are Black trans women, and most are trans women who sleep with men. Across the globe, it’s the same thing. Trans women of color and trans people of color who were designated male at birth are by far the majority of the trans people who are being murdered. As trans women, we often feel like the whole world is against us, and TDoR is evidence of that. Buying a trans woman a pizza is a small token of kindness on this dark day.

If you are a trans woman or dmab trans person, here’s a google form for you to fill out in order to get your pizza. This form is safe for you, and we won’t share this information with anyone. You can even order gluten free or vegan pizza. If you’re lactose intolerant, you can link to a different place that delivers a food that fits your dietary restrictions, and in the “type of pizza” section explain what food you’d like, but please keep it about the same price as a pizza. This fund is first come first serve, and we’re incredibly sorry if not everyone gets a pizza.

If you’d like to donate to the pizza fund, please use Square Cash using the tag $pizza4tdor. If you don’t want to use that app, you can use PayPal and send it to Alaina. If you can donate $20-$30 that would be amazing, but any amount helps. When you donate, it will say the funds are going to Anna, that’s us, don’t worry. Thank you.

Mey Rude is a fat, trans, Latina lesbian living in LA. She's a writer, journalist, and a trans consultant and sensitivity reader. You can follow her on twitter, or go to her website if you want to hire her.

Mey has written 574 articles for us.


      • Ok I’m not the only trans woman in this thread who was unsure where dinner is coming from last night and while this seems to be a great idea it is really painful to have your hopes raised Again and then nothing. it could have been nice but instead it is one small injury on top of all the pain and trauma this day brings for so many of us who are at risk

  1. You know, I’ve been a caregiver at jobs where we were horribly underpaid. I’ve had managers buy us pizza and some co-workers figuratively throw it back in their faces. No, a pizza didn’t solve the injustice of low wages or lack of insurance or the constant staffing shortages, but it was within the manager’s power to spend their own money to let us know that at least they valued and appreciated us.

    It didn’t change that the company itself needed drastic, systemic improvements to things, but it was a way to know at least one extra person understood and cared… and I have always appreciated it.

    Sometimes a simple, personal, human connection and act of kindness is more important than anything else. It doesn’t mean the bigger picture doesn’t matter or that allies of any kind are off the hook, but it’s nice to know when someone cares enough about you as a person to treat you to a nice meal.

  2. jesus f. christ, that whole nasty argument is so fucked up. couldn’t have waited until TDoR ended, apparently. this was a sweet idea and mey does heroic work. issues can be raised in a civil and mutually respectful way that allows for dialogue. maybe next year?

    this site is my safe place online. I started my transition in 1995, had to pause it in 2001, one of the reasons being that, even if all my friends and even women I didn’t know all supported me joining the karate school, it only took a couple of terfs to fuck it all up for me. I thought it was safe. But I was so damned scared of exactly that.

    That was 2000, when “radical feminists” (i.e., terfs) who said we were monsters still controlled the ideological discourse. We didn’t even have a term for them then. and goddammit to hell if you weren’t there, pissed-off trans sisters (see wall of text above), you have no fucking idea how bad it was. No. Fucking. Idea.


    Other things played a rôle in my involuntary pause then, and I always hoped I’d be back. When it seemed safe. Which I thought would be never. I found straddle last year & looked all over it to see how many terfs there were. i found a really long thread from a couple of years ago, arguments about exactly this.

    It seemed to me they were outnumbered, but I had to be sure. I counted how many people were terfs, and how many weren’t. kinda tricky listing screen names, but I have proofreading superpowers. it still took a couple of hours but I finally stopped when the number of anti-terf posters passed 125, and the list of terfs was around 25, a little less. the strength with which these women fought back was so encouraging for me, and a lot of the terfs seemed to have deactivated since then. I just kept reading.

    And I decided I was safe here. That apparently it wasn’t cool anymore for queers to hate trans folks, although not everyone seems aware of that yet. Autostraddle is a big part of why I resumed my transition last May, & resumed hormone treatment on June 28th. My wife calls it my birthday.

    Won’t go into ptsd details but between that & empty nest syndrome–our son went to college in 2015, and we moved him into his dorm room, then we were both sobbing all the way to our friends’ house in Boston. Then I went and cried in the bedroom for 4 hours. It hurt like hell. My wife’s a teacher, I’m not, so I was the go-to mom for emergencies and everything. 18 years, all those PBJs, all that homework, then boom. Now what?

    I ignored trans or lesbian stuff, mostly, for 15 years. If i couldn’t have it, I didn’t want to know. Then I started working my way back last year, because I knew I couldn’t live like that anymore. I started looking online again, & found Autostraddle.

    Trans allies, jeez, we didn’t have that term either. in fact we didn’t have Transgender Month, or Trans Awareness Week. Hell, I just found out there *was* such a thing on Friday! I couldn’t have survived 11/8 if it hadn’t been for this site and my friends on Facepalm. Tonight I finally read Mey’s article, then I see all this needless arguing–from a trans woman! When I saw that an argument had started I thought there were terfs attacking. Would you start an argument at a funeral? It’s like Brianna said, re this community and needless, pointless arguments over, jesus, anything. Even a pizza.

    Ok, I’m done. Goodnight, everyone.

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