Madonna Is Bad at Basketball — or She Just Came Out as Gay on TikTok

Feature image by Ethan Miller/Getty Image and Madonna/TikTok

I’ve gotta be honest with you, friends: I love this new trend where very famous people on TikTok do normal household things with a little soundtrack and a note that says if they do it wrong, they’re gay. Like how Shay Mitchell fell on that green velvet couch because she’s bisexual. Or just yesterday when a pink-haired Madonna posted a video of her in — hmm, what would you call this? Like twenty necklaces and the kind of linen corset situation someone would wear beneath their armor?

Anyway so she’s wearing that, while standing in this very expensive bathroom, and the caption reads, “If I miss, I’m gay.” She bunches up some flamingo pink underoos and half-heartedly tosses them at the trash can — and she misses, by like four feet. Afterward, she kinda does this queenly vampire shrug and saunters off. I should note that this video is shot and edited from multiple angles and lit up with actual camera lights and not just the gold and diamond chandelier lights like what’s hanging in her bathroom. She really put some thought into this! See for yourself!

@madonna♬ original sound – nudy georges

Rumors about Madonna’s sexuality have been swirling since basically the moment she became Madonna. I remember whizzing around Skate County in 1986, jammin’ to some “Papa Don’t Preach” and overhearing the cool kids talking about how Madonna “swings both ways if you know what I mean.” (I did not know what they meant; I thought they were talking about her being a literal switch hitter at softball, which only impressed me more.) Then, in 2003, she kissed Brittney full on the mouth, with tongue, at the VMAs. I’m not sure what influence that had on Madonna’s sexuality, but it sure did make me perk up and pay attention. She kinda faked kissing Taylor Swift at the 2015 iHeartRadio Music Awards. She kissed Nicki Minaj backstage at the 2018 VMAs. She’s been around the block doing some public sapphic smooching, is what I am saying. She’s also always been a huge advocate for LGBTQ+ rights.

I did not have Madonna comes out on TikTok by throwing underwear at a basketball hoop on my Sapphic Mad Libs Bingo card today, but I don’t mind being surprised! Now, if I could please get my Rosie/Madonna dream interview!


UPDATE: Autostraddle co-founder, CFO, and Ultimate Lesbian Historian Riese Bernard just let me know about this video of Sandra Bernhard and Madonna from 1988, on The Late Show With David Letterman, talking about their, um, relationship. I have no memory of this! What an excellent piece of herstory! THE JORTS ALONE!


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Heather Hogan

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior editor who lives in New York City with her wife, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 1484 articles for us.

18 Comments

  1. Just came here to say how much that Sandra Bernhard/Madonna on Letterman video gave me exactly the life and energy I need to get through my day/week/year! It’s totally possible I watched this on live when it happened. The 90’s were a wild time.

    • THIS, Exactly this… After the SEX book and all the Erotica production, I would say that we could assume she was never straight.
      Also, I remember reading in more than one magazine something about her having at least affairs with women (it was either from one of her biographies or from the book her brother wrote), particularly when she has just gotten to NY if I recall correctly.
      Anyway, I have never consider her strictly straight, she has always toe the line at least of curious/bi/kinky … “Poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another” I think is the quote at the end of the “Justify my love” video. That says it all.

  2. There was also that one episode of – I think it was Arsenio? – presumably after they broke up where Sandra Bernhard was handed the “Sex” book and handed it back saying “I’ve seen plenty, thanks.”

    That relationship was epic disaster bi stuff.

  3. She was also in a situationship with Angelina Jolie’ s ex Jenny Shimizu. I also have known she was at least bi since the early 90s so unless she’s now staying that she’s gay and not bi then I’m not sure what the revelation is?

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